Reclaiming our Family Honor!
Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!
Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!
ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om
“Damaged people damage people.”…. And my brain has been racing ever since — because damaged people don’t have to stay damaged”… David Gerrold
Update February 12, 2014…
I’ve again revamped and moved around a few items from this front page to my about page. As of this date, this blog has over 9,500 views! and that’s since I started this blog in July 2011!
The purpose of this blog is about exposing all the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family and telling the truth of myself and my family.
It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler.
Our commentary and reporting is our business.
The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.
This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT BORN in 1955 and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.
Then when she did get a degree, as a social worker, she NEVER held a job as one. Currently, 2014, she is attempting to ‘counsel’ via on-line social media contacts. From what I’ve seen so far she’s not making any friends and converts to her side/cause; just the opposite.
Who makes the ‘call’ to be counseled? Who knows what’s best for their family? Well…if Joan Wheeler gets anywhere near you, it is she who makes all the calls and decisions and deems what is right and best for you and your family! So you best be watchful!
Joan was a angry adoptee, age 24, with no social worker’s degree, who hated all things adoption, when she ‘counseled’ me against adopting my own children. And to be perfectly clear ‘my children’ means those that I birthed, raised and adopted with 2nd husband; they were never anyone else child!
As the parent of the children, to be adopted, I had been in family counseling for some time before my second marriage happened and our decision to adopt the children, who at that time were 15 and 16 years old. In New York state, a person over the age of 14 must give their own PERMISSION to be adopted. My son wished adoption, my daughter did not. There was no pressure to either of them. They spoke with the judge themselves, behind closed doors. There was extensive background checks on both myself and husband as well as unannounced home visits. The children’s father had to give his written approval and sign papers for relinquishment of his children, to another father, which also removed ‘his’ (birth father’s) financial responsibility to them.
As the mother of the child to be adopted, I had to sign 3 different pieces of paper. The first was the birth mother relinquishing her child, just as the birth father had. I gave my child away, by signing paper number one. On the second piece of paper, that I signed, I became that same child’s ‘foster mother’, which gave me all the rights of guardianship and responsibility for that child as any other foster mother would have. On the third piece of paper, that I signed, I became the ‘adoptive’ mother, which gave me all the rights of guardianship and all the responsibilities of that child. My husband signed only ONE piece of paper, that he became the adoptive father and TOOK all rights and responsibility for the child he adopted. The child, age 16, never left my side or home! Yes, his name was changed, he choose how it was to be changed and yes, he has a amended birth certificate with his new name and father! He also has his original documents. What’s the big deal?
Well, if you happen to be Joan Wheeler it’s not only a big deal it’s a HUGE MISTAKE! As an adoptee his birth parents GAVE HIM UP and his identity was changed, paper work was falsified and fraud was committed because another person, besides the true birth father was on the new birth certificate!
Not only did Joan Wheeler interfer in our decision to adopt, she also violated our parental rights with her attempts to alienated my minor children from us using all kinds of behind the scenes dirty deeds. She told my children they didn’t have to listen to us or obey our rules. According to Joan we were UNFIT parents. We DIDN’T listen to her…oh we DID listen to her and told her it was none of her business. She didn’t like that! She stood in my kitchen screaming at me that I was making a big mistake. I had to push her out the door telling her don’t come back. She retailiated, twice, by calling false child abuse upon us. Then when she wrote and published that libelous book, she REWROTE the entire episodes of MY children’s lives to suit her purpose and position! Talk about exploiting people!
That libelous book, Forbidden Family, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May of 2011.
So I know first hand how Joan Wheeler counsels anyone on the evils of adoption!
Recently, I was shown a comment that, this self-proclaimed adoption expert and social worker, Joan Wheeler wrote. The link, to the article, and Joan’s entire comment follow my commentary on a few sentences pulled from Joan’s comment. The article is about the buying and selling, as in commodities, of babies into adoption and the normalcy of the family.
Now there is no question that there are legal and non-legal businesses in baby adoptions, worldwide, along with agencies, social workers, lawyers and more; this is of no concern to me. What is of concern to me is the falseness of Joan Wheeler and how she condemns adoption for everyone. This is why I EXPOSE her when I can so that others understand how she operates.
Onto the comment… Joan begins with a quote from the author…”Those who want to raise their kids as “normal” kids and try to conform them to their own image just shouldn’t adopt.”
Joan says…When adoptees say this to adoptive parents, or to people who are in the process of adopting, we are criticized. Often to the point of being called “angry adoptees” or “you must have had a bad experience.”
Gert comments…Doesn’t EVERY parent mold their children into the image THEY want for their children? Right or wrong, this is the way of nature! Every child imitates the parents. We see that even far into late adulthood; where a person will act ‘just like mom or dad’! And every parent has a vision of what is ‘normal’ for them and their children and they will have the children ‘conform’ to the family’s ways!
Yes, Joan is an ‘angry adoptee’ and she did have ‘a bad experience’…why doesn’t she just admit it? Joan really hates adoption BECAUSE she was abused by the adoptive family! Most of the vocal angry adoptees admit that they have been abused; Joan refuses to admit it, but everything points to it. If these ‘angry adoptees’ would STOP browbeating everyone who adopts perhaps they may get a different reaction to their questions and concerns.
Joan says…Adoption is a total life-long experience, one cannot claim one single event to describe or label an entire lifetime.
Gert comments…what is she saying here??
Joan says…While adoptive parents really want to normalize adoption,
Gert comments…again what is she saying??
Joan says…it is the adoptee who experiences life as a complicated maze of emotions, facts, or lack of facts, as well as medical and, for many adoptees, racial, issues.
Gert comments…here we see how Joan externalizes what she has internalized about her own adoption! all except the ‘racial’ aspect! In recent times Joan has been cultivating racial adoptees because she has worn out her welcome with many other adoptees! Ok, I can give you that there are a vast array of emotions and lack of information for an adoptee, but not every adoptee behaves with such venom as Joan does!
Joan says…I once was in a conversation with an adoptive mother
Gert comments…Joan likes to talk, she’s always talking with people, she never shuts up! And she has this view point that her ‘talking’, one by one, will change the world’s view of adoption! Joan the Savior! She shall never eliminate adoption in the world! She ought better to take care of her own house, her physical, mental, spiritual and emotional house before she finds she doesn’t have any time left!
Joan says…her adoptee (a teenager) did not experience any problems and is not interested in searching
Gert comments…Joan can NOT accept the fact that ANYONE could have a positive experience with being adopted.
Joan says…The adoptive mother flung insults to me and other adoptees who tried to explain to her that a transracial teenage adoptee may be repressing her emotions to please her adoptive parents.
Gert comments…Again, another example of Joan’s externalizes what she has experienced internally! Doesn’t matter if it’s a transracial or not adoptee…according to Joan every adoptee ‘represses their emotions to please the adoptive parent’! Joan is telling us how she and her adoptive parents interacted with each other! Joan gets ‘insults’ flung at her because she DOESN’T know when to get out of other people business!
Joan says…Clearly, adoption agencies and social workers need to do a better job at counseling pre-adoptive parents and adoptive parents to be fully aware of the actual differences between adopting a child and raising a child born to the mother/couple who will raise the child.
Gert comments…Clearly, Joan sees adoption from her own eyes, from her experiences and clearly not from anyone else’s! And, as someone who has never-worked in the field of social work, she has no job experience nor on-going training to assess what a ‘better job’ may or may not be.
And now for the link and entire comment…
“Those who want to raise their kids as “normal” kids and try to conform them to their own image just shouldn’t adopt.” —- I wonder how many adoptive parents will read this statement and secretly condemn you. Will they come on here in the comments to say out loud what they say to us adoptees? When adoptees say this to adoptive parents, or to people who are in the process of adopting, we are criticized. Often to the point of being called “angry adoptees” or “you must have had a bad experience.” Adoption is a total life-long experience, one cannot claim one single event to describe or label an entire lifetime. While adoptive parents really want to normalize adoption, it is the adoptee who experiences life as a complicated maze of emotions, facts, or lack of facts, as well as medical and, for many adoptees, racial, issues. I once was in a conversation with an adoptive mother of a Chinese daughter who insisted that her adoptee (a teenager) did not experience any problems and is not interested in searching for THAT woman, saying, “Furthermore, my daughter behaves just like me – she has forgotten her native language and has no desire to be Chinese”. The adoptive mother flung insults to me and other adoptees who tried to explain to her that a transracial teenage adoptee may be repressing her emotions to please her adoptive parents. Clearly, adoption agencies and social workers need to do a better job at counseling pre-adoptive parents and adoptive parents to be fully aware of the actual differences between adopting a child and raising a child born to the mother/couple who will raise the child.
Maybe I should, I have the means to and I’m a good editor!
If there is anyone, who would publish Joan, they better know what they are getting into with her. Over a year ago, Joan started talking about looking for a REAL publisher to publish her ’2nd edition of my memoir’. Joan doesn’t know that there can not be a 2nd edition of a libelous book! Trafford Publications pulled her book, Forbidden Family, for breach of contract, on her part, because the book was proven to contain libelous materials. Any future book, that she might publish, would be an entirely DIFFERENT book!
I have listed here three blog posts, from a year ago, for background information.
Now as seen recently on her Facebook (people keep me informed) she said…
Joan M Wheeler Ah, but, the above says an adoptee can get her/his sealed birth certificate by hiring an attorney. I petitioned Surrogate Court in the 80s and Judge gave me my sealed adoption records but not my birth certificate. If any adoptee was successful in circumventing the sealed birth certificate laws by doing this, I would like to know about it. Am writing an article, could be a book, about this. Anyone care to go public sharing your sealed birth certificate and your falsified birth certificate in a book? February 16 at 1:20pm
Gert here…Oh so NOW it’s an article! Could be a book?? Why would anyone agree to have their and their families’ identities in an article or book? Seems to me that such a move would just invite serious problems from and within many a family! I do go into much more details on that point in the blog post of Jan 2, 2013.
And as seen on her Tweeter, which is open to the public because she’s trying to ‘create a writing career’ and NEEDS to con, oh excuse me, needs to make contacts!…
Will buy your book as soon as I finish mine! Doing all set up myself.
Gert here…And so what does this mean…’doing all set up myself’? Well having self published myself, for over 10 years, I would guess that means she’s using a ‘desk-top publishing program’. Lots of folks do that, including myself! But the real question is…HOW does she plan on publishing the finished product?
If she CAN NOT buy another’s book UNTIL she finishes hers, what good is she to another writer? That’s not GOOD PR Joan! You SHOULD BUY the other’s book FIRST not ‘maybe’ later! She just lost a customer!
Having been there myself; I own the means, physical and financial and legally to produce printed materials, create thousands of copies of the finished product and ship them out! Does Joan Wheeler have that capability? Some how I doubt it.
What I mean is; does she have a NY State vendor’s license to do business in New York State? I do. Does she have the physical machines and equipment to product a ‘finished’ printed product? I do. Does she have the financial startup and continuous cash flow to keep the ‘finished’ product in circulation? I do. Does she have a Pay-Pal or other account to handle the purchase of the printed material? I do.
And most importantly, some thing I don’t have to do, that Joan Wheeler DOES HAVE to do, is…keeping NY State Disability in the know about ANY INCOME SHE EARNS.
In addition to being able to all the work to produce a printed item and have ‘customers’ to purchase the printed item, I still did not EARN an income from the venture. EVERY dime earned by the business, went back into the business! I never did the publishing business for my own fame, glory or financial gain!
Joan NEEDS fame, glory and financial gain…so that means, that even if she is ‘doing all set up herself’, she STILL has to find someone and pay them to produce the product and then she has to find the monies to ship the product out! As a business woman Joan is very naive.
Even if she were to accomplish it…who WOULD purchase it? Trafford Publications said ‘it was a non-starter’, it never would be read by the ‘mainstream’ population and without that mainstream there is NO money to be made. Even if she did any form of e-book…there will never be the return in income that she wants and needs in order to get off NY State disability!
She really ought to forget about it…but…here’s a thought…I’ll publish Joan Wheeler’s book! We could go into business together! I could manage her writing ‘career’; I’m a very good editor and I’ll publish her too! What a deal!
But even BEFORE I got this post edited we see how great her ‘career’ of ‘telling people one by one’ about how WRONG they are about adoption is working!
On Feb 22, 2014 Joan tweets to several new contacts; she’s trying to build a following for her new ‘online’ social worker and writer’s business. In the following I am NOT going to give all the names. If you need to see the tweets they are on her feed, as well as mine and Ruth’s, for anyone to see.
I note that Joan tweeting to another ‘adoptee’ that…‘Too much social indoctrination. One by one I talk to ppl about it. One by one individuals see the problem.’
This is Joan’s great campaign to browbeat people one by one!
Then she starts out with lying to a new contact about a gay couple’s adoption of infants.
Joan says…‘Of course it is. My situation much diffnt. But I never judged any n-parent. Well, yes, men who walked away from pregnant woman’
I tweeted the individual letting him know that Joan certainly DOES judge a NATURAL parent…me!
Then Joan went on a rampage with several people; here are just a few of the comments to her.
@forbiddenfamily Go away now. You’re hysterical.
Joan you are stereotyping all gay men. You are also obviously a nutter.
@forbiddenfamily Freedom of speech does not extend to hate.
I’m blocking you Joan Wheeler. Pray for forgiveness and a good lawyer if you keep spreading hate
I had to block @forbiddenfamily. I can’t tolerate freedom of speech used to hurt others. It’s illegal to spread hate. I hope she gets help.
Gert again.. So how is this new online business of Joan’s working for her? She’s off to a great start!
The only reason Joan does this is because she NEEDS attention and craves the sympathy from others. Joan is nothing but a parasite. Joan CANNOT accept the fact that while she was in the womb her mother had the drug DES in her system and had ovarian cancer. Joan has been terrified of that since she was found and will believe her own falsehoods rather than face reality! Perhaps that why Joan is so sick in the mind!
On a shared link, on Facebook, to…
[Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Take that offensive Kay Jewelers ad off the air!
Joan comments….Keep your head up, Lorraine! We all here for you! YOU have inspired many of us so long ago when your book came out. I bought it and read it and sobbed. My natural mother did not go through what you went through as she was dying form cancer at my birth and was married. Still, YOU taught me! Please know you are loved!
Then someone asked, of Joan…
Hanne Andersen Does she have cancer from DES?
to which Joan answers…
Joan M Wheeler No. My natural mother died from kidney cancer in 1956, three months after giving birth to me. I was child number 5 in a marriage of 10 years. Father talked into giving me up because Catholic priest said “baby needs two parents.” DES was not a drug given to her. My doctor was able to obtain her medical papers. Thank you for asking. I have her death certificate, too.
(end of comment exchange)
Then when I told Ruth about the comment and my intent on answering it, she said… ‘be sure to add: the immediate cause of death was kidney failure, caused by the cancer spreading throughout her body. Our father, being a religious man and active in his Catholic faith, consulted his parish priest for guidance.’
I explained to Ruth that I had posted, to the site, it is in moderation and probably will not be published, but here it is…
On a facebook exchange, where this web site was referenced, and in answer to a question about whether my mother was given the drug DES, the following was stated and it is FALSE!
Joan M Wheeler No. My natural mother died from kidney cancer in 1956, three months after giving birth to me. I was child number 5 in a marriage of 10 years. Father talked into giving me up because Catholic priest said “baby needs two parents.” DES was not a drug given to her. My doctor was able to obtain her medical papers. Thank you for asking. I have her death certificate, too.
I Gert state that my mother had suffered a miscarriage sometime before her pregnancy of 1955 which resulted in the birth of her 5th child. Because of THAT miscarriage, when she became pregnant again, she was PUT ON the drug DES and was hospitalized to ‘hold’ the pregnancy. After the pre-mature birth of 5th child, it was discovered, via a surgery, that my mother had ovarian and breast cancer; no further treatments were planned, everyone KNEW she was dying of UTERINE CANCER. During the 3 months BEFORE she died, my father proposed marriage to another, with children, but she REFUSED to take the infant. It was at that point that my father took the option of adoption. The birth family is appalled that OUR mother and father are continuous maligned by Joan Wheeler. February 13, 2014 at 4:05 PM
I’m sure my comment will never be published but at least the owners of the site will READ IT.
Ruth has blogged about the conditions our mother had and the meaning of what the death certificate states. Joan REFUSES to accept reality. Joan cannot accept the fact that she was in the womb of a woman who had ovarian cancer! The death certificate does NOT say kidney cancer, it states, kidney failure.
Ruth here -
Joan is so full of bullshit. I dealt with all this in my blogpost of – Joan’s Insistence on Not Letting Our Mother Rest March 22, 2010 -after I spoke on the phone (March 2010) with my Uncle Richard, younger brother of my mother. His story was the exact same story that I heard from my father, and my aunt, sister of my mother.
from that blog post: I discuss what is on my mom’s death certificate – because Joan is not the only one who has a copy of it.
carcinomatosis (KAR-sih-NOH-muh-TOH-sis) A condition in which cancer is spread widely throughout the body, or, in some cases, to a relatively large region of the body. Also called carcinosis.
hypernephroma (HY-per-neh-FROH-muh) The most common type of kidney cancer. It begins in the lining of the renal tubules in the kidney. The renal tubules filter the blood and produce urine. Also called renal cell adenocarcinoma, renal cell cancer, and renal cell carcinoma.
From my years of experience of working at the hospital, (37 1/2), I have come to understand much more than I did back in the early 80′s. Mama may have started out with ovarian cancer with the grapefruit-sized tumor being found on January 19, 1956, but by March, the cancer obviously spread to other parts of her body and organs. The immediate cause of death was kidney failure on March 28, 1956, caused by the presence of cancer in her body, which started as ovarian cancer.
Joan has been told this over and over again. But she is DETERMINED to change the facts. She is DETERMINED to turn the clock back 54 years and change a medical diagnosis. A true neurotic, JOAN JUST WILL NOT ACCEPT CERTAIN FACTS! She then tries her darnest to change those facts to suit her. And when she is hit with the reality that she cannot change the facts of a certain event, she goes into a rampage, burns personal items, lashes out against family members, making their lives a living hell.
and once I figure out how to use the scanner on my new all-in-one printer/scanner/fax – I will scan Mama’s death certificate and post it to our blogs. – dammit Joan – next month it will be 58 years that Mama died – why the hell can’t you let her rest in peace? stop the bullshit lying and exploiting her – all this discussion of WHY she died, and HOW she died does not belong in YOUR discussions of YOUR adoption!!! ALL YOU NEED TO SAY IS THAT YOUR MOTHER DIED OF CANCER WHEN YOU WERE 3 MONTHS OLD – AND YOU WERE THEN RELINQUISHED FOR ADOPTION DUE TO CHILD CARE ISSUES. If you must have a conversation about health issues, including DES and its effects – then please stick to the truth and the facts and STOP LYING.
Within the various methods of closed and open adoptions there are a vast range of opinions. Yet there are opinions that are still unwelcomed; such as pointing out the negative behaviors of adoptees to other adoptees. No, we must never criticize an adoptee; they do no wrong!
Why is it that some adoptees and adopters are so reluctant to hear the voice of positive adoptions? Why are they not willing to hear about negative tactics done by unhappy/angry adoptees to others that adopt?
Why is it assumed that any child that WAS adopted was SOMEONE else’s child? Why is it that there is little ATTENTION given to, or listened to, by a parent who ADOPTED their own FLESH AND BLOOD. Why is it that NO ONE cares to hear that an adoptee VIOLATED another’s parent/child relationship?
Why! Because they are all hypocrites! And they do NOT want to hear TRUTHS!
I found the following blog post from my tweeter feed on Feb 15, 2014, that link is http://fb.me/2hhBnGnEO
The web site’s link is…
There I found Joan Wheeler commenting using just one of her many aliases.
I feel exactly as you do, Megan. And I work to end adoption. Raise awareness. Promote family preservation and guardianship. End adoption, most definitely.
I then left this comment...
In legitmatebastard’s attempts to end adoption, she VIOLATED my sacred parental rights regarding what I believed to be right for my minor children…namely ADOPTION. Not all adoptions are bad, she had NO right to interfere in my decisions to adopt my own son; just because she wants to abolish adoption. In her own case, as an adoptee, there was NO family to care for her; adoption was the only solution available. Sorry she’s had a lousy life, but she had no right and still has no rights to browbeat anyone who chooses adoption.
This comment was deleted, but the moderator, by the name of “blackout”, left this comment...
I don’t know anything about it Gert, but if you have a problem with a commenter here, then I suggest you take your issues up with them elsewhere, this is not the place for that. You are an adoptive parent, so the son you refer to as “your own son” was not infact “your own son” but the child of someone else, whom you adopted. There may be some truth to what you say, that not all adoptions are bad, however many of them are–and that needs to change, that is what I aim for. Sometimes adoption may be a necessary last resort, but that is what it should be–an absolute last resort. No one should ever be deceived out of their child, nor should a child lose his/her name, family and identity because of it. “I’m sorry you had a lousy experience” extremely condescending and insulting.
To which I left the following...
I’m pointing out other sides to the stories of adoption and from personal experiences. Everyone involved in adoption issues need to know what happens.
I am indeed an adoptive mother who adopted her own birth son with 2nd husband. I was his birth mother, who legally, gave him up on paper, who then became his foster mother on another paper and then his adoptive mother on final paper. He never left my home. My son was 16 and had to give HIS permission to be adopted. As I said not all adoptions are bad, but some people who have no business in another’s life violated my parental authority by interfering in the adoption process and when told to butt out, called false child abuse upon me and attempted to alienate my children. My child was not deceived out of anything, but that was not enough for someone who hates adoption so much as to violate another’s parent/child relationship. She did it because of her life experiences which was a lousy experience, not my words but hers. I thank you for hearing me. My choice to adopt was mine and only mine!
it is of course your right not to publish any comment, but I do feel strongly that you correct the misjudgment, that you placed upon the ‘status’ of my child. When I said I adopted my own son I meant just that…he is my flesh and blood! He was never anyone else son but mine, was not deceived nor taken from another. No one had any right to interfere with parent/child relationship. Thank you
Late last night, I placed a few tweets about this moderator falsely assuming that I adopted ‘someone else’s child’ and her refusal to CORRECT the status of my child on her comment.
This morning, Feb 17, I received a tweet from someone who saw that I had commented but it was deleted, asking me to contact them. One of my tweets was RETWEETED by another. I then went to the above blog site and saw that the moderator REMOVED her own comment! Fine! If she WASN’T going to CORRECT her false assumption and ACKNOWLEDGE the TRUTHS that I presented at least she REMOVED her own comment!
I learned a long time ago, to copy ANY comment I make because many REFUSE to acknowledge a truth and don’t want to have TRUTH put in front of them.
That’s why I have this blog, to publish the truth!
this is excellent
Originally posted on Paula's Pontifications:
“Trauma survivors have symptoms instead of memories.” - Mary R. Harvey (1996). An ecological view of psychological trauma and trauma recovery. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 9:1, 3-23.(Read the abstract and download the PDF.)
I think one of the greatest mistakes many victims make is denying we have a problem until it’s too late. We tend to be ignorant of what trauma looks and feels like.
I’m the first to admit that I failed myself REPEATEDLY, because I ignored the signs and thought I could fix my own issues despite repeated failures to do so.
Before I accepted I was a victim and that there was absolutely NOTHING I could do to change what happened, I could check off all 18 of the below signs. All severe and intense.
3. Loss of interest
5. Decreased concentration
7. Emotionally overwhelmed
View original 149 more words
They call themselves a support group, describing themselves as advocating for change! It doesn’t matter whether Joan is ACTIVE in this group or not. Joan continues with this type of behavior while disguising herself as a ‘social worker’. Sure, she has a degree, but she’s never held a job in the field. She is currently doing ‘on-line’ therapy! So, if you are anyone else, happen to have a run-in with Joan, know that this is her MO…this is how she works.
It is an oxymoron statement, that a public forum and Joan Wheeler herself, state that they advocate for change. There is NO change that they are facilitating and the only thing they are advocating is that of bullying and harassing people who don’t agree with them. It needs to be remembered that it was this same forum and group of adoptees that Joan enlisted to come over to Ruth’s blog to ‘get’ us birth siblings. (Gert did not have a blog at that time)
In September 2010, Joan Wheeler and the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, had a thread. The entire ‘discussion’ isn’t relative here…we are only interested in exposing Joan Wheeler’s negative, hateful, bullying behavior. But, the thread was generated by Mara, who went searching for a relative on www.parkerheritage.com/ and there, had a discussion with a Brandy Thomas. When Brandy said something to Mara, that she didn’t like, Mara went off on her. Then Mara went back onto the public forum to tell these ‘adoptees advocating for change’ and…well you can read it @ the parker site and some of it here, as well as what Joan Wheeler said in her bullying of Brandy. Of course Joan had NOTHING to do with the site, or Brandy, Joan just went out there to beat Brandy up for Mara! So here is part of the thread…and my comments, which are marked here within the thread but were NOT on the forum itself.
The thread topic on the forum read…You Have Got To Read What This B*tch Just Wrote To Me…and I only found a certain portion of it. There were those ‘emotions’ which came through only with words…which speak for themselves.
Seeing how the post by the ignorant one is on a topic of family research and not adoption, would it be okay for us to take our enriching comments here, and go and join the website where this ignoramus posted and post our enlightening comments there? We are sounding off to each other here, but what is needed is that we all march over to log in over there!!!! :gottabat2: :punch: :stirpot: and keep the discussion going :blahblah: so that idiot might learn a thing or two. :duh: I’m gonna log in now. See ya there!!! :triadsupport:
Gert’s comments: So Joan admits that the post (in question) is about family research and not adoption, she is ‘asking’ the group, on the forum, if they should butt it! This is true Joan Wheeler behavior! Notice the name-calling and belittling and the smug self-righteousness of Joan who says…a writer, on the family research site, is an ignoramus! But Joan, and these adoptees, have enlightening opinions and they should march over there and bat, punch, stir the pot and keep the discussion going….WHY…so that the idiot might learn a thing or two! And then Joan attempts to rally the troops to follow her! Yep, and Joan NEVER does anything harmful to anyone! Joan has done this type of bullying interference within someone else business/life before. This is all she knows. She thinks it is her RIGHT to browbeat the other person, if they don’t agree with her. And, then if the other person refuses to be intimidated by her, she will then find ways of getting others to help her or she will start some sneaky under the table things to get at you. Yes, the birth family knows all of Joan’s nasty tricks and here we see it in action!
Back to the forum thread where we hear from…
M6: Oh no Brandy, watch out! Joan’s on the loose. I wonder if their ears are ringing…
To which Joan replies…
Yep! I’m on the loose!
Here’s my contribution to the Parker website and to Brandy:
Gert’s comment: I interrupt Joan’s post, here on the forum, to point out and show how PROUD Joan is! All Joan needs is a LITTLE support and she is off bullying and harassing someone because they are ignorant of and not in agreement of Joan’s views. Now, instead of showing what she posted, here on the forum, I post what she posted on the family research site. I shall have additional comments at the end…
Reply by Joan Wheeler born Doris Sippel on September 23, 2010 at 5:25pm
Brandy, is this a website for family heritage? Yes, it is. Anyone who is looking for a family connection to the Parker name is welcome here. While I do not have a family connection to this name, I do have an interest in correcting you on your misguided notions about adoption.
Sealed birth certificates prevent adoptees from knowing their true genealogical heritage. As you know, genealogical lines can only be traced by following blood lines, not adopted lines.
Unsealing all adoptees’ original birth certificates is necessary for an adoptee to claim bloodline and trace mother, father, grandparents, etc. What you are saying goes against the basic understanding of tracing family ancestry. You can’t have it both ways – be for tracing your family history and sealing birth records – because, as you say: “if the people who gave me up for adoption went as far as having records permanently sealed so I could not contact or find them, are they really someone I want to contact???”
What you are expressing is an angry response to the supposed natural parents’ actions (correction – the State seals the records, not the parents) and your opinion of what an adoptee’s outlook “should” be.
Tracing family ancestry begins with birth and death records and maybe, maybe, a person will want to contact the relatives revealed on the documents.
BTW, telling stories of two friends of yours does nothing to substantiate your claim. You can address adoption issues with authority only if you are an adoptee.
As my sign-in name indicates, I was born with one name and adopted as another. I have two birth certificates, one was sealed upon the finalization of my adoption, the other was created by falsifying facts at the finalization of my adoption. My new birth certificate states that an infertile woman gave birth to me in the exact hospital and at the exact time of my actual birth via my real mother. My real mother died three months later. Her grieving husband was talked into giving me up for adoption and keeping his other four kids (that dispels the myth that adoption is only for illegitimates).
Though I know all of this, my birth certificate is still sealed by NYS. When this injustice happens to you, you want the right to genealogy, just like everyone else.
I’ve been at this for 36 years. I know what I’m talking about. How many years have you been telling adoptees what to do?
Gert’s comments: Joan’s words are now in italic
While I do not have a family connection to this name, I do have an interest in correcting you on your misguided notions about adoption.
Joan admits, that she has no connection to this site and her only interest and purpose is to CORRECT the MISGUIDED notions about adoption! Okay, correct the misunderstand NOT the misguided notion, these are two very different things, but, Joan only knows confrontational style of discourse. By doing so, she at once, placed herself in an adversary position and the other person is now on guard and has ‘tuned’ Joan off and has viewed her as an unfriendly hostile. Joan really does need to learn how to debate issues and influence people. Bullying, browbeating and harassing are not suitable tactics in getting any positive change on anything…no wonder those adoptees are NOT changing anything. You would think that she would notice, after years of doing this kind of behavior, that AFTER she browbeats, there is little to no feedback or further comments.
You can’t have it both ways – be for tracing your family history and sealing birth records
Joan is the ONLY person that can have things BOTH WAYS. What would have been better here, in this discussion, is for Joan to JUST point out that the state seals the records and that that fact should be considered when doing family history research. Simple, no problem and non-confrontational. But not Joan’s style. Who lost here…Brandy or Joan? Certainly NOT Brandy because she will never listen to anyone who speaks to her like Joan has done. But, Joan thinks that she won because she told Brandy the way it is! Wrong!! Sure way to win friends!
What you are expressing is an angry response to the supposed natural parents’ actions (correction – the State seals the records, not the parents) and your opinion of what an adoptee’s outlook “should” be.
So again, NO ONE ELSE, but Joan, is allowed an angry response! And NO ONE ELSE is allowed to voice their OPINION about what an adoptee should be! ONLY Joan is allowed, because she is the adoptee, to KNOW ANYTHING about adoption, even a wrong or uninformed knowledge or opinion…because Joan is the adoptee and an angry one at that!
BTW, telling stories of two friends of yours does nothing to substantiate your claim. You can address adoption issues with authority only if you are an adoptee.
Joan is the ONLY one who can tell, retell, and continue to retell…stories told to her by the adoptive parents that are lies against the birth family! Joan is the only one who uses HEARSAY to substantiate most, if not all, of her claims. So why is Joan badgering this woman for doing the same thing that she does? I hate to break the news to Joan, but adoptees do NOT have a claim to have the truth about adoption. What Joan is thinking and saying is the same thing that the Catholic Church has said …that they HOLD the only truth. And Joan hates the Church so why does she use their tactics? Because Joan is a bully!
As my sign-in name indicates, I was born with one name and adopted as another.
This is what we, the birth siblings, mean about how Joan is exploiting our family’s history and honor! Her constant use of using our family against innocent people who are pro-adoptive is exploiting us and our dead mother and father!
I’ve been at this for 36 years. I know what I’m talking about. How many years have you been telling adoptees what to do?
So Joan has been doing the wrong thing for 36 plus years! That does not mean that she knows what she is talking about! Doing the wrong thing for years or just because ‘everyone is doing it’ does not make it right! On the contrary, Joan knows NOT what she is talking about. Every time she opens her mouth she shows the world just what kind of a fool she is. By exposing all of Joan bullying and browbeating, we are pushing Joan’s face in her own shit.
She then ends her comment with an insult…nice going! That’s typical Joan Wheeler behavior!
So how is the re-education, by bullying, going out there, Joan? Make any new converts to your cause, or are you just finding more people to beat up because they don’t’ see your viewpoint? Or maybe people are finally turning their backs on you cause your name Joan Wheeler is garbage!
Gert says: “So again, NO ONE ELSE, but Joan, is allowed an angry response! And NO ONE ELSE is allowed to voice their OPINION about what an adoptee should be! ONLY Joan is allowed, because she is the adoptee, to KNOW ANYTHING about adoption, even a wrong or uninformed knowledge or opinion…because Joan is the adoptee and an angry one at that!
Right you are Gert. And not just on the internet or about adoption! In her personal life, when Joan doesn’t like something, be it about a costume a dancer is wearing or a costume in a movie, Joan gives HER expert opinion and if you dare disagree with her, she will start screaming at you that you are wrong, wrong, wrong.
If you are standing in front of her, you will do anything to stop her screeching that hurts your ears – so you may just agree with her – just to shut her up. If you’re on the phone, you might hang up on her – again to stop the screeching. OR SHE MAY HANG UP ON YOU – because it SILENCES you. – That’s her favorite ploy – ONLY JOAN CAN HAVE A SAY IN ANYTHING – and she will shut you up – either by hanging up on you – or screeching at you to the point you just shut up.
But she can’t shut me up now – that’s why I LOVE THE INTERNET.
Gert says: “Joan is the ONLY person that can have things BOTH WAYS.” Yes, that is sooo true. Gert’s post outlines how Joan gets on a website and pulls the focus of a discussion. To reiterate: JOAN goes to a website and pulls the focus. BUT just last month – in response to an article Joan had published on The Buffalo News website, I made ONE respectful comment – correcting Joan’s statement that her adoption was “forced.” I said it was done out of necessity. Meanwhile, an acquaintance of Joan’s, a musician in a band that performs at a bar that Joan frequently goes to, posted his own comment that warned readers that Joan’s book was pulled because of libel. Joan got pissed and started the name-calling and insults and mud-slinging. She accused her birth sisters (me and Gert and Kathy, altho Kathy wasn’t even involved) of pulling the focus of the intent of her article. (she didn’t use those words but that’s what she meant – and instead of using those intelligent words, she started with the name-calling, the insults, the false accusations).
I have said it repeatedly on this blog, and my blog – that Joan is a hypocrite as well as a liar. “Joan is the ONLY person that can have things BOTH WAYS.” – Joan is a control freak, a dictator. Control freak – I’ve said that many times on my blog in the past. And in late December 2013, on twitter, where Joan is going off on a tangent – ranting and raving over the latest breakup of her latest boyfriend she said he accused her of being a “control freak.” She been told that many times over many years – you’d think she’d get the message. – No, she’s too damn busy being the control freak, and walking all over people – in person and on the internet – to get the fact that she IS an idiot.
well, now, Gert writes a blog post about how Joan is a cyberbully, goes on websites and bullies and insults those who don’t think like her, and what happens? – yep – just hours after Gert publishes her blog post Joan does it again.
Joan M Wheeler Hey you morons over here, listen up. UNTIL one of you “pregnant on paper” girls actually goes through morning sickness, dizzieness, fainting spells, labor pains, panic over not feeling the baby kick, you have no idea what you are talking about! This page is insulting to all mothers who have children the normal way.. let alone a mother who adopts or a mother who loses her newborn to adoption. This is so degrading. My natural mother was very sick while pregnant with me. The hormones of pregnancy actually speeded up her cancer. I was born two months premature. She died three months later. My mother gave her LIFE for me! And you people here make a joke out of pregnancy! And my adoptive mother sadly expressed how dearly she wanted to be pregnant but couldn’t. She regretted it. You girls have much to learn.
and someone answered Joan:
Sarah Mary I definitely see a moron on this thread and it’s you.
But I’m jumping the gun here, just a bit.
For the love of the Gods! Some people just have way too much time on their hands to argue and dissect a total NON-ISSUE to death! There are so many variables in any course of action that a human takes, or doesn’t take, that there shall never be a ONE SOLUTION to anything! Each human makes their own decisions according to the current circumstances. And there never has been nor never will be any PERFECT solution to anything humans do.
I am NOT authorized to post any opposing viewpoint on certain sites, even if it directly refers to me and family. Well okay, that’s the right of any individual blog owner. I have that right as well. I don’t have to allow any opposing viewpoint on my blog either. But, I do own a blog and therefore I shall state my opinions and opposing viewpoint to a recent post I saw.
My reason, for the need to state my opposing view, is because it points to precisely what I have been saying ever since I made the CHOICE TO ADOPT; namely it’s my right, my decision, my choice, my business! To adopt or not to adopt is a personal CHOICE. That choice, like other personal choices I make, are NOT any one else’s business, including the child I choose to adopt! My personal choices are not subjected to another’s actions to prevent me from exercising my right.
The link to the post, I’m addressing, as well as the post itself and comments (so far) are below my own ‘thoughts’ on this issue.
In 1980 my sacred parental rights, to adopt, my own son, were violated by Joan Wheeler. She happens to be my birth sibling, placed INTO adoption due to the death of our mother. Upon reunion with her in 1974 the entire birth family was subjected to Joan’s militant views and actions regarding anything related to adoption. She is totally 200 percent anti-adoption.
Joan upset my step-mother and father when they were in the adoption process to adopt my father’s step-daughter and his wife’s own daughter. Joan went after me and my husband when we were in the adoption process of adopting my own son.
I was vilified and condemned, by Joan, because I adopted, not only once, when she did it, but many times in print and on the internet. I have been libeled and slandered because I dared to oppose Joan’s violations to my rights to CHOOSE ADOPTION. And if that wasn’t enough, Joan then retaliated with falsely reporting me as a child abuser! Then, Joan wrote, in a book, libelous statements about my and my husband’s characters, misrepresented and fabricated events, to PROVE her position for WHY she OPPOSED my choice for adopting AND for her to report child abuse upon me, twice!
Joan wrote a book of lies called Forbidden Family which was against both birth and adopted families. When birth sisters fought back, by getting the book proved to be libelous and pulled from publication, Joan gets indignate because her VICTIMS are outraged! Joan further enlisted a whole range of other angry adoptees and friends to shut us down! Joan goes out of her way, on the internet, to browbeat and condemn others for their choice to adopt.
Joan Wheeler’s views and actions are akin to those extreme measures that anti-ABORTION people use!
Now I’m not unmindful of the views and feelings of ADOPTEES, including their anger! But, the fact remains…adoption is not an evil! People do evil things! And not all people who adopt are evil. There will always be a place in human society for ADOPTION and the rights and choices of people to or not to adopt is NOT any one’s business but those involved in the decision and process. It most certainly is NOT anyone’s business to VIOLATED A SACRED PARENT/CHILD RELATIONSHIP, which Joan Wheeler did!
The Right to Choose, The Right to Choose Adoption
I hope, if proposing this question re-treads material already exhausted previously, that revisiting it has also a quality of refreshing it. But also, to avoid taking up a lot of space with any sort of startled “discovery” of the issue on my part, I intend only to submit it to the collective intelligence of the people here.
Women’s inalienble right for reproductive choice implies then an inalienable right to choose adoption.
We can critique the forms of adoption available or imaginable, but this does not negate the right to choose adoption. We might insist that between adoption and abortion, it becomes a question of the lesser evil, but that doesn’t negate the right to choose either. And since a choice of one is not a choice, to say (1) abortion only, (2) motherhood only, or (3) adoption only negates the principle of choice itself and substitutes in its place coercion or what Schiller would identify as violence.
This question frames the ethics of adoption in light of only one-third of the triad and in that sense is misleading. But to the extent that sometimes (gendered) resentment by adoptees gets directed (justly or not) against the one (who may actually be two or more) who exercised an (inalienable) choice, then to focus the question in this way may shed more light on the larger structural and cultural aspect of adoption as we currently have it.
If the right to choose adoption has limits, then how would you frame those?
Lisa says: February 2, 2014 at 9:06 am
The right to choose adoption is only valid if there is also a right to refuse adoption. Given how many mothers are lied to, coerced, and manipulated into adoption simply because they made the mistake of considering it and contacting an agency, I’d say it’s merely industry attempts to define the discussion
Snow Leopard says: February 2, 2014 at 4:31 pm
Hi Lisa: you reiterate my point ” choice of one is not a choice” when you correctly assert that there must also be the right to refuse adoption. And you underscore how what we (as adoptees) can interpret as “the mother’s choice” may actually (and often does likely) hinge on multiple players (a “father”, the would-be mother’s coercive parents, a social structure actively encouraging people to sell human babies, &c)
How then might we reclaim and redefine the discussion? (I think this question might seem overly obvious.)
Because the right to refuse adoption necessarily implies (in order for it to remain a choice) the right to choose adoption, this then requires our reframing of the issue to at least demand ethical, desirable forms of adoption, if it is going to exist at all.
And that means distinct and revolutionary alternatives to what currently prevails, which is what I take your comment to be pointing to.
“If the right to choose adoption has limits, then how would you frame those?”
In order for adoption to be a choice, and not be a coercive tactic of baby trafficking, we would at least need the following:
1) Every mother who knows the consequences of placing her baby, in addition to all the positives, including the increase instances of suicide in both her and her child that she is considering placing
2) A regulatory system in place to review and ensure that there is no coercion. I believe this would need to be at a state level, a state administrative agency.
3) Independent lawyers who are not “adoption lawyers”. I’m finding that adoption law is an interesting form of law insuch as you don’t ever see, “Contract lawyers” or “foreclosure lawyers”. You can’t go to school for adoption law (that I’ve been able to find), it is under family law, and yet adoption is the exception….
An interesting aspect of the language of choice when it comes to adoption, is the theory, “you can choose an open adoption”. While that is idealistic, the reality is that while one can “choose” such a thing, it doesn’t mean that’s what they will get at the end of the day. There is no enforcement of open adoptions, in addition to being no enforcement of regulatory systems ensuring that adoptions are legal. Just some thoughts.
end of this post
bottom line – and this goes to Joan Wheeler and everybody else – YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DICTATE TO PEOPLE HOW THEY CHOOSE TO LIVE THEIR LIVES OR BUILD THEIR NUCLEAR FAMILY! If people want to adopt, use in-vitro fertilization, utilize a sperm donor, use a surrogate mother – THAT’ S THEIR BUSINESS NOT YOURS.
We birth siblings have been telling everyone in adoption circles about the character and behavior of Joan Wheeler ever since she published the disgusting libelous book Forbidden Family. We have withstood insults, mockery, slander, libel and we STILL ARE TELLING YOU ALL THE TRUTH.
Even when she writes a good position paper, placed on the public forum, she is SUBJECTED to being scrutinized and REMEMBERED by the public because she is presenting herself AS A PUBLIC SPOKESPERSON FOR A NATIONAL PUBLIC CAUSE. Because of that position, that SHE wants, her character…that’s generally called a ‘character reference’, her education/jobs/career…that’s generally called ‘a resume with references’ and her past deeds and words…that’s generally called ‘accountability’ of her past, are open for and to PUBLIC consumption.
She cannot SILENCE or BROWBEAT or SLANDER those whom have personal or professional knowledge of her transgressions, nor can her ‘supporters’ attempt similar intimidations, in a public forum.
Only the venue, the OWNER OF THE SOAP BOX, of the PUBLIC FORUM can silence the issue and debate and those that present and counter-present their positions.
And…so…it only took us 5 days! But we sisters presented the counter rightful debates on the public forum. Sure, things can and do get heated on such venues and the OWNER of the public forum closed it down!
About 9 pm January 26, 2014 after 5 days, Joan’s OPINION in the Buffalo News online paper was SHUT DOWN.
Comments for this thread are now closed. There are 0 comments.
Over the course of the last couple of days, some comments were deleted, while others were left standing, then others written, then others flagged, then deleted, some still standing, but eventually…the moderators saw that the core of Joan Wheeler’s background was TOO HOT for them to handle!
Here is the link to my original post about her opinion piece…that is still up but it is now a closed/done issue.
One of Joan’s core problems is she paranoid and she ought to get that checked out!
‘Conspiracy theories often provide solace, they provide a level of comfort that makes sense of a world that seems otherwise beyond our ken, our control.’ from…Seeing Zapruder by Ron Rosenbaum, Smithsonian October 2013
One of Joan’s problems is that most times when she writes about her passion (adoption reform, or whatever) she simply HAS to either outright LIE or twist things concerning HOW she was adopted, her family, and trash certain people, usually her birth sisters.
On January 24, one day after posting her opinion piece in The Buffalo News, she left a comment, using one of her many screen names Half Orphan 56 on a New Jersey opinion piece: http://blog.nj.com/ledgerletters/2014/01/letter_chris_christies_comment.html - there was another commenter there with the name of Joan – I’m not sure if that was Joan Wheeler, posting twice under two different names or not.
Her post was well written, well thought out, clear and concise – AND NOT ONE MENTION OF HER BIRTH SISTERS. I have said it before – I don’t care WHAT Joan says about adoption – I am not interested in it. What I AM interested in, is ANY LIES OR MISREPESENTATION SHE PUTS FORTH IN PUBLIC ABOUT MY FAMILY AND MYSELF. And Joan has been told via the internet – whenever she does speak shit about us or our family – we will be right there to refute her lies.
In the opinion piece that she put forth on The Buffalo News and it’s website, she described her adoption as having been “forced.” I made a comment that her adoption had been done OUT OF NECESSITY. Meanwhile, a commentor using the screenname Mithogo came on and said “be warned, Joan Wheeler’s libelous book was pulled due to slander.”
I at first thought that was Gert, but in an email, she said it wasn’t her. So I clicked on that commentor’s Disqus profile – Mithogo had written some 90 comments in the past – many of them about music and guitars. And in on comment made last summer, he had commented on an Artvoice article about the traveling band that he is a member of had their van broken into and their instruments stolen after a gig at The Sportsmen Tavern. This is a bar that Joan apparently goes to quite frequently (as per her tweets). (Artvoice is an indie newspaper for the arts in Buffalo, NY).
I thought it was quite interesting that someone who knows Joan in person, seems to know about her book being pulled from publication because of the lies in it.
WELL – after I left my initial comment, in which I related WHY Joan was placed for adoption, here comes Joan and accused us of harassing her again. She even accused us of “setting her up.” I would like to know how we did – since it was JOAN WHO WROTE THE DAMN ARTICLE IN THE FIRST PLACE! Joan began the mud-slinging – accusing her three sisters of harassing her – when there was only me and Gert. (can she fucking count?)
Yeah, the mud flew. Because she had to start her stupid shit. She even said that Gert was not a birthmother! I commented – how that could be when in December 1965 and November 1966 Gert GAVE BIRTH TO HER KIDS!
Gert says above “One of Joan’s core problems is she paranoid and she ought to get that checked out!” Yep – paranoid – “I smell a set-up,” is what Joan said. Again, HOW DID WE SET HER UP WHEN SHE WROTE THE ARTICLE?
Gert also writes “Even when she writes a good position paper, placed on the public forum, she is SUBJECTED to being scrutinized and REMEMBERED by the public because she is presenting herself AS A PUBLIC SPOKESPERSON FOR A NATIONAL PUBLIC CAUSE.”
Which Joan needs to remember before she starts the mud-slinging. She writes a fairly good article, I come on and comment that her adoption was not forced but done out of necessity, and she right away starts the shit-flinging.
WELL DONE JOAN, BRAVO! You really showed people what an intelligent professional “social worker” you are.
One commentor even said “what an amusing family.”
And when the heat got turned way up – Joan’s “friend” from the bar – mithogo bailed out! He deleted his entire Disgus account – guess he got disgusted with Joan – and again, I have to point out my wonder on this – a guy Joan knows from a bar – knows all about her book. He obviously did his homework – he was NOT blinded by Joan’s lies. Not like her other puppets, Russ, Brian, Laura, Mara, Dana, Heather.
As the old saying goes “You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.”
Fresh off the presses! This is HOT! As it happened! January 21/22, 2014
I’m only giving the news story link and some of the comments, which are not necessarily in order of being written. I am NOT including her opinion. To see that and more go to the link. I find it utter amazing that someone, Joan, is so brain dead as to NOT see the writing on the wall! She utterly does NOT see what EVERYONE else sees…that she’s totally nuts. She’s wants to be, says she IS, a PUBLIC spokesperson, and yet can not DEAL with her own dirty deeds when they are brought out in the open. Gee, even I am a bit embarrassed FOR HER. But no one can stop a fool from showing the world how BIG a fool they are.
And if the following doesn’t prove her stupidity, she is hanging on to her view that she was ‘attacked’ and there WILL BE MORE articles from her, for she states:
Am in process of writting a more detailed article or perhaps a series.
But first…there are more comments than what is presented here and they keep coming in! These adoptees just can’t stand when they are openly opposed!
we didn’t bring up the book. somebody else did. and he wasn’t totally “anonymous”, that is his screenname. And in going thru his comments, I find a couple of interesting things. He is a guitarist. He performs at a bar that Joan frequently goes to. I also googled his screen name. Several references to guitars. This guy is obviously a guitarist and Joan knows who he is.I don’t know this person. I have never stepped foot in the bar – I know about it from Joan’s tweets.It is interesting to me, that this person, a stranger to me, but obviously not to Joan – knows about her book and its being pulled due to its libelous content.Joan – what have you been saying in person about me and my family? Obviously your trash talking has made you rather infamous.You want to be a public figure Joan, then be prepared to take the heat – any public person gets past misdeeds shone the light on them.
Erika Klein “Angry adoptee” “Disgruntled B.mother” Common terms by those who hold and have always had the power in an adoption situation. Everyone should be so happy to be adopted, and so grateful their child has a better life, if not, get ready for the hate and labels. Opening records and family origins is a human right. Keeping adoption a secret is playing god with people’s lives. This basic information & history should be made available to every person who seeks it.
um, Joan Wheeler herself describes herself as an “angry adoptee.” as do MANY adoptees.
and that she is a militant activist who will work till her last breath and that she has ‘boots on the ground in Buffalo NY’ and that she’s planning a BIG MEDIA event when her SECOND EDITION (not) is published. A person can NOT have a second edition of a pulled libelous book. If she has ANOTHER BOOK in the works, it is another book, NOT a second edition. Seems to me that this woman needs to get OFF the imaginary battlefield and leave people who WANT to adopt to do so. If anyone wants to change the system, do so withOUT harassing those of us that WANT TO ADOPT or DISAGREE with her.
Forbidden Family This article is not about my memoir. But since my protesters want to make it about my memoir: My memoir: Forbidden Family, was not pulled from publication due to libel and slander. This is a lie perpetrated by my three sisters, and others, from my natural family, and possibly from my adoptive family. My sisters wrote 34 pages of complaints to Trafford Publishing, a publish-on-demand publisher who called me on the phone in May 2010 to tell me to “write a book my sisters would approve of”. The publishing contract of this publish-on-demand publisher stipulated that if a third party complained, the book would be pulled. This applies to any writer of any book. So, my sisters, who have set out to humiliate me, complained. The book was pulled due to the complaints made by three disgruntled sisters who were not named outright in the book anyway. The book is not hate-filled. It is the story of my life as an adoptee who was found, at my age of 18, by full-blood siblings my adoptive parents did not want me to ever know. THAT is the main point of my book: the deceptive secrecy of an intricate system of lies within my adoptive family, within my natural family, and the legal adoption system itself. I am publishing all of birth certificates and some of my adoption papers to address the larger issues of adoptees’ civil rights which need immediate legislative and legal action. My memoir is currently in production for publication elsewhere. None of what is said in these comments – by my sisters and one anonymous commenter, is true. I have notified the Editorial Staff about publishing these comments from such personal attacks. Now, if my enemies would care to sue me for libel and slander, please do so. Meanwhile, my job as an activist is to write about the issues pertinent to adoptees — our lost civil rights — which is what this article is about.
gert mcqueen Forbidden Family from ‘Forbidden Family’ written by Joan Wheeler..
chapter 35 titled ‘I don’t understand your life and I never will’ page 452 ‘yes, Jimmy earned a place in this book right along with the other examples of prejudice against adoptees, against me, to be remembered for all the wrong reasons.’
over 600 pages of personal torment and anger over HER being adopted! If you want to change the laws of adoption and birth certificates, and civil rights. do so with OUT slandering and libeling OTHERS and violating THEIR civil rights.Get a life! Get a grip on reality!
gert mcqueen PriscillaSharp
Joan was searching for her family before her family contacted her. Families are messy and as you know all reunions are not created equally. I’m glad that Joan gave us the opportunities to show just how messy she has made our families’ lives. thank you for your concern
Ruth Herr Sippel Pace PriscillaSharp
your opinion – anyways, in a previous comment YOU made 4 months ago, you asked a commentor to cite court documents. I cited court documents here – and you pooh-pooh my evidence of slander against me. Priscilla, methinks you use double standards.
Sorry, Joan, but the order of protection that you obtained was dated August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994 – a total of six months, not for a year as you reported in your book. And it was also ACD – adjournment on consideration of dismissal – NOT probation. Therefore, I do not have a criminal record as you state in your book.
Also you allege that I called child abuse on you – and named my own fiance as an abuser. (yeah, right). And that you took me to court in 1994. No, you did not. In 1995, I took you took to court for harassment, but the judge dismissed the charges. BUT the district attorney told you to leave me alone. But you contacted me in 1998, and again in 1999. I filed charges on you again and was granted a one year order of protection. Printouts from the court’s computer shows no court case in 1994. These documents were sent to Trafford Publications and Eugene Hopkins. They determined you commited libel. You used my father’s real last name. You used my mother’s real first and last name. and the date of her death. Anybody could go to the microfilm of the library and find out my name. You also referenced an article you wrote in 1990 “The Secret is Out,” which DID contain my real name (without my permission). In a footnote in the book, you told readers where to go to see that article – leading them to my real name.
The contract that you signed with Trafford also states that the book did not contain hate speech or obscene language, yet you trash people who live in “trailer parks.” You included a picture of a postcard that you claim to have received in the mail and with NO PROOF AT ALL – you state in the book that I, and my friend mailed it to you. The postcard contains a lot of filthy words.
I do not work for Trafford, nor do I know anyone who works there. If their legal department looked through the material I sent them and determined that you were in the wrong, than that is your problem. Actual police and City of Buffalo Court documents bear out the facts of the situation – that Joan Wheeler lied in her book about me, and is continuing to lie. She did in fact tweet in April 2013 that she fantasized blowing up government offices. I notified the FBI about this tweet. What they do, or do not do – is not on me.There are too many dangerous mentally ill people running around and this is a clear example of it.
Adoptees are always clamoring for the truth – so I give the truth right here. And as I said, actual police and City of Buffalo court documents bear out the truth and facts – that Joan Wheeler slandered and libeled me in her book and continues to do so.
By the guidelines of the publisher, you did NOT DISTANCE your book from persons that could and did identify themselves, in fact you placed the family name on the front cover and included ALL identifying information in the book: that is basis for why YOU BROKE the contract that YOU signed with the publisher. I know this because I spoke with the 2 top people of that publishing house! The book, as you wrote it, is indeed full of hate, we have QUOTED you, your OWN words, about everyone who apparently ever harmed you because you are adopted. The book, as you wrote, also contents MANY violations of the publishing house’s OWN RULES, like obscenities. I gave page # to the publisher. The book contains only about 80 or so pages out of 640 that have ANY true adoption reform in them! I have dissected the entire book, on my blog and shall continue. We were SHOCKED to find what you wrote and continue to write about FAMILY. You have a long history of dirty words and deeds behind you! You are YOUR DEEDS AND WORDS
Joan says “publish-on-demand publisher who called me on the phone in May 2010 to tell me to “write a book my sisters would approve of”. That is total nonsense. It was May 2011, not 2010. and how does Joan know how many pages there were – when there were no pages – I emailed the documents to Mr. Hopkins. And I suppose there were a lot of pages printed out – I did send Mr. Hopkins all the court documents that totally contradicted what Joan Wheeler said in her book about me.
and by the way, we were accused of writing a 28 page letter to various adoption conferences around the world in the early 1990′s and sending a copy to adoption expert Joe Soll. Yes, Joan writes that in her book. AND she says she phoned Mr. Soll to discuss this fictitious letter with him. In May 2010, Gert email Mr. Soll and within a half hour of his receiving her email, he emailed back and said that he didn’t know what was going on, never heard of a 28 page letter, never talked to Joan on the phone about that either. Mr. Soll wrote in his email “what Joan has written in her book about me is patently false.”
As to an accusation of “personal attacks” – sorry, but if you put yourself out in public view, and publish a book with your own attacks on people, you have opened yourself up to full disclosure. Nobody told Joan to write lies about people, lies that could be disproved with actual written documents. Nobody told Joan to go on various internet sites and lie about people. Freedom of Speech also comes with consequences. Speak the truth, or get called out on it. My blog and Gert’s blog contains scans of the documents that I refer to. It also contains screenshots of various things that Joan has put out on the internet – the actual lies she has put out there about me. We even have the actual screenshot of Mr. Soll’s email that states that she lied about him in the book.
Erika Klein Typical adopters. Making it all about them. Still trying to keep a hold on the dialogue. I really am not interested in mud slinging you are doing here, i AM interested in the message, which is critical an affects millions. Every human being has a right to their origins, background & vital health information. Adoption would not change if these rights were given. Adoptees are not personal property, nor are they charity cases that have to be grateful to their owners. They came from a family before they were exchanged to a new family, and they have every right to that information. If there is no wrong doing, then there should be no secrecy.
Erika, you say “I really am not interested in mud slinging you are doing here, i AM interested in the message, which is critical an affects millions. Every human being has a right to their origins, background & vital health information” You are right. however, every human being has a right NOT to have lies spread out them or their family. EVERY time Ms. Wheeler speaks about her adoption, she slings lies and misrepresentations about us. Adoptees want their rights? okay, fine. BUT DO NOT DO IT BY LYING ABOUT PEOPLE.
Gert Mc Queen is not a birth mother, nor is she an adoptive mother. She gave birth to a son and a daughter in the mid 1960s. Her second husband, in 1980 or 81, wanted to adopt the teenage boy, but not the tenage girl. I told my sister and her second husband that for him to adopt an older child would result in his birth certificate being confiscated by the state, sealed, and a new one issued in its place, as if he were sired by the step father. My sister, Gert, became enraged. Evidently, as mother, she had to sign relinquishment papers. Now she is telling the world that she is an adoptive mother, that she is a birthmother. No, she is not. And yes, mud slinging is all they do. Thank you, Erika, for your understanding of the topic addressed by this article.
excuse me this is MY life you are not getting right. When children are over the age of 14 they MUST GIVE THEIR OWN PERMISSION TO BE ADOPTED. My son wanted adoption, my daughter did not…simple, the step-parent had NO SAY IN THAT. There is a very extensive background check to adopt and the teenagers spoke directly to a judge, who said he wished all parents were like us.
But Joan Wheeler, can’t abide any adoption and she stood in my kitchen, telling me I was an unfit mother because I was giving my son AWAY INTO ADOPTION. Yes, I signed a piece of paper giving him up, on the second paper I became his foster mother, on the third paper I became his adoptive mother. That’s the way it is done. Joan didn’t like that, but it was NOT her business. She said we have to listen to her, we did, we told her IT WAS OUR RIGHT AND DECISION to make NOT hers butt out.
Regardless of ADOPTION terms the FACT is I gave birth that MAKES ME A BIRTHMOTHER. I adopted that MAKES ME AN ADOPTIVE MOTHER. I don’t care what any adoption reform activist says…this woman VIOLATED my parental rights and alienated my MINOR children from their rightful birth and adopted parents.
When a child is 14 and older they must give their own permission to be adopted. My son agreed to adoption, my daughter did not. It is NO ONE’S business whether I adopt or not. I strongly object to MY CHILDREN’S lives being discussed by someone who caused great harm, then and now, to our family. I am an adoptive mother. Birth certificates and identity were NEVER an issue within my family, it is only an issue to this author. She has no respec for the rights of people who adopt, like myself..
gert mcqueen I am in favor of open adoption records for health and medical reasons and for later in adult life. I am a pro-adoption person. I am a adopted mother; my 2nd husband and I adopted my own child, who has both birthcertificates and never had an issue with being adopted or change in name. But my parental rights were violated and my minor children alienated due to the militant actions of this angry adoptee.When I told her to butt out, she called 2 separate child abuse reports upon me; proven false.
While there are right ways of getting attention to this issue, if it ought to be changed, there ALSO are wrong ways, which include browbeating and harassing people who CHOOSE to adopt, as I did. This author has advocated, on Twitter, the blowing up of government offices of Vital Statics, at a Adoption Conference April 2013, as a means of getting attention to her activism: FBI was notified.
This author is only a paper social worker, has never held a job as a social worker and has been on disability for many years. To gain fame and fortune, she wrote a libelous book, Forbidden Family, pulled from publication, in May 2011, after the birth family provided evidence to the publisher. Any further books, she may publish, will be looked at very closely again by members of the birth family. I do wish she would stop misrepresenting my family to promote her misguidedness and anger over her placement into adoption. It is too bad that she had a bad childhood but that does not mean she has a right to continue to malign OUR family’s name and honor
Ruth Herr Sippel Pace “forced closed adoption?” closed, yes – forced? It was done out of necessity. I am a birth sister of Ms. Wheeler. Mom died in 1956 at the age of 30 leaving four little kids ages 3 – 9, and a 3 month old infant. My paternal grandparents were elderly, Grams worked outside of the home, Gramps had one leg. They could not take care of 5 little kids, one, a newborn.Other relatives tried to help out, but they also couldn’t take care of a newborn. A couple of my maternal aunts also had newborns and toddlers at home. Money was tight. In 1956, there was no welfare as we know it today. Dad worked for the city in City Hall. He had to work. So he made the decision to relinguish his youngest child for adoption to a childless couple who raised Ms. Wheeler in the suburbs as an only child. Or did Ms. Wheeler want to be lay unattended in a crib all day while her father worked? I am not disputing any statement Ms. Wheeler has in regards to birth and adoption documentation. In fact, I support it. I just wish Ms. Wheeler would stop misrepresenting my father, my family, and the circumstances of her birth, the death of her mother, and her adoption.
Be warned. Wheeler’s hateful book about her adoption was pulled from publication due to slander and libel.
gert mcqueen Guest
the publisher’s lawyers deemed that content of the book was indeed libelous. Regardless of ‘point of view’ the book Forbidden Family does not exist.http:/Evidence sent to Trafford Publications which resulted in the pulling of the book Forbidden Family
by Joan Wheeler – Part 1
mithogo please feel free to contact me via my facebook. in private if you like.
yes, her book was pulled because just ONE of the slanderous statements Ms. Wheeler made was that I have a criminal record. Documents were sent to the publisher, Trafford. Their legal department determined that Ms. Wheeler did commit libel against me and violated the terms of the contract she signed with them. That the book was truthful, and she was the sole copyright owner of the book and all its contents. Ms. Wheeler published a family portrait that was taken before she was born of my father, my mother, me, and my three siblings. Of the six people in the portrait, there were four living persons at the time of the publication of this book, none of whom gave permission for Ms. Wheeler to use their likeness as a means of monetary gain for Ms. Wheeler. The book was not a means of any sort of adoption reform. Ms. Wheeler went out of her way to trash and damage the reputations of many people – those who ever disagreed with her or angered her in her life. She called me Brenda in the book, yet left many references for readers to learn my real name. Almost every other page was “Brenda this, Brenda that.” “It was just as well Brenda didn’t have any kids…” this AFTER I endured a miscarriage, and am childless.
The book was more about throwing hate at me, than adoption reform.
my blog at http://ruthsippelpace.wordpres… chronicles the many abuses and harassments that I, and my family have endured because of this self-labeled “angry adoptee.”
as well as mine http://gertmcqueen.wordpress.c…
end of CURRENT comments…I’m sure that more and more adoption reform advocates are pulling farther and farther away from Joan Wheeler…we can only hope.
Why does she feel the continued NEED to repeat her misunderstandings and her illnesses? Can you say ATTENTION? She wants to be something she is NOT, depending on the most current fad/controversy.
By all that’s holy in the multiverses! Would SOMEONE put a sock in this woman’s mouth; just a plain sock would do! Seriously now, everyone, ADOPTEES I’m speaking to YOU.
Where does the repeated telling of trauma HELP with healing? Sorry to inform you but it does NOT help. Never has and never will! What does HELP is the LETTING GO of the hurts…setting THEM free so that they BURN up and out of one’s physical, mental and spiritual bodies! If a person is unable or unwilling to do FOR THEMSELVES they are not ever going to get better and they become VAMPIRES – feeding off EVERYONE ELSE’S EMOTIONS. Joan Wheeler is an emotional vampire and she is feeding off all other adoptees who have far more important things to deal with…don’t you!
I have already addressed certain issues regarding the none-racial aspect of Joan’s adoption in the following links.
She has nothing to gain by talking about the various ethnic backgrounds of white races with mixed racial adoptees. Ethnicity is not the same thing as racial differences. Joan is mistaken to believe that she has American Indian and Jewish racial backgrounds in her family. There are NONE. It is only in Joan’s imagination. Again, Joan is misrepresenting our family’s heritage and creating a mockery of what ‘true’ transracial adoption is. All adoptees ought to be ashamed by what Joan writes. She writes PURELY for attention and emotional needs. She even FORGETS what she has said on their own sites! She’s a fucking joke!
Particularly in the recent controversy, in the land of adoptees, via what was presented by NPR Joan is doubly insensitive to the TRUE ISSUES of that controversy. She HAS TO INSIUNATE herself in the middle of the TRANSRACIAL issue because she needs attention. She ALSO NEEDS to feed off, emotionally, from others for her trauma.
What I have read in recent months and what I see here in what Daniel has said…is that more and more adoptees are BACKING AWAY because of the stress of the activism they are involved with, because that activity is affecting their health. But NOT Joan she wants more and more…she feeds off that emotional trauma. She’s ‘got boots on the ground’! She a total dangerous militant! She’s a domestic terrorist! She advocates blowing up government offices of Vital Statics!
Joan medical issues where PRESENT all during her childhood, NOT from when she was FOUND. Joan REFUSES TO PLACE THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS with the adoptive mother. And if that’s the root cause for why adoption is bad FINE, but she needs to stop lumping the birth family into this. Everything that happened to Joan, from the time she became an adult is A DIRECT RESULT of her own behavior.
So here’s the newest version of Joan Wheeler ranting and raving…
SInce I did not search, but was found when 18 years old, I have had to deal with flight/fright response all of my adult life of 40 years. Many illnesses resulted: autoimmune, bladder/kidney infections, colds/flu, digestive problems, nausea, vomiting, muscle tension, back problems. Adoption stress, oh yes.
PS – I hope it doesn’t matter if I am White. I am a domestic American adoptee and do not have the same issues as adoptees for which this blog addresses. My ethnicity was not known to me. I was told my ethnic background when I was 18, which differed somewhat from what I was raised. Still, being told “German, Scottish, Swiss, French, Polish, English” is a shock when I was raised “English, Polish and Italian”. There is some question to Native American and Jewish ancestry, from what i was told in recent years, by several adoptive and natural family members. This should be interesting to research. The question of religion comes into play as well. Raised Catholic, protestant ancestry with Catholic, but could be Jewish. So, can I still comment here?!
ok people – HERE’S our (and Joan Wheeler’s) ethnic background: GERMAN. Maternal family – last name HERR (that’s GERMAN for “mister”). the Herr’s came to the United States in the 1700s. Some relatives claim they came over on the Mayflower, but that could be a case of urban legend. The Herrs settled in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and were Mennonites. Sometime in the 1800s they wanted to go west. So they set out in covered wagons. And got as far as Ohio. Some decided to return to Pennsylvania, but got as far as Western New York (Niagara Falls region/Buffalo). Somewhere along the way, they changed from Mennonite to Roman Catholic. A woman of Scottish descent married into our family (Margaret MacQuiston) she is my mother’s great grandmother. My mother’s mother Gertrude Stoll was pure German. Paternal side: paternal grandparents came to United States from GERMANY around the 1870′s. Last name Sippel. PURE GERMAN. Paternal grandmother’s mother and father came from POLAND – last name Wisnewski – PURE POLISH. So – my father was German/Polish. My mother was mostly German, with some Scottish, and supposedly the MacQuistons had some French and Welsh in them. And everybody was Roman Catholic.
Joan’s fixation on Native Americans is because when she was a kid, she watched them on TV and “fell in love with them.” THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO NATIVE AMERICAN IN US AT ALL.
Jewish? I haven’t the slightest idea where this comes from.
Joan Wheeler is an asshole and that’s the dam truth.
Joan’s fixation on Native Americans resulted in her getting suede dresses, mocassins, beadwork as a child at Native souvenior stands around Niagara Falls and Crystal Beach, Ontario. By the time she was a teenager, she joined the Buffalo Indian Dance Group and learned many Native dances. She was in full Native dress when she performed with this group. This does NOT make her Native American any more than my study of Middle Eastern folk dances and a 15 year stint as a professional belly dancer makes me Arab. As a child, I too developed a love of a different ethnic culture – that of the Arab world. As a child, I watched such movies as Sinbad, and The Thief of Baghdad. One of my favorite books as a child was a children’s version of Alf Layla wa Layla – A Thousand and One Nights. I loved Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves and the story of Aladdin and the Magic Lamp and the djinn of the lamp. As a teenager, one of my favorite tv shows was I Dream of Jeannie. and I remember my father taking me to see the Ice Capades when I was 16 – and a couple of the dances were belly dance themed. I don’t remember when I first saw a live belly dance – but I saw many in the 1970′s when I was with my first husband, who was from Yemen. By 1980, I decided I wanted to learn the dance, and began taking lessons, and became a professional Middle Eastern dancer by 1985. Because of my marriage to an Arab man, I did learn some Arabic and made many friends in the local Arab community. This does NOT make me an “Arab” any more than Joan Wheeler’s love of Native American dance and art makes her American Indian. and by the way, Joan went out of her way to belittle me for my love of the Arabian culture in her libelous book. She is an ass.
Gert here…Joan wants a man to take care of her. She just lost a marriage to a Mexican/American Indian. She’s been sucking up to adoptee Daniel, who is of Arab descent. I propose that Daniel take Joan under his wings…take her to his home land, teach her all the things that she’s dying to know, and he can use her as his ‘boots on the ground’ in the USA. Oh but wait…Joan may NOT like that, cause she’s TOO independent…and she was AFRAID to be a exchange student in high school to go to Egypt cause THOSE people control their women!
And Daniel is sort-of smart. he knows that I have had a few comments with him in the past, politely disagreeing with him – and have not pestered him, nor sucked up to him. I say “sort-of” smart, because despite his obvious intelligence, he’s still been suckered in by Joan vampirism.
oh, we forgot how Miss Independent Joan – militant feminist in high school, was FORCED to dye her hair blonde when she was a bridesmaid for one of her adoptive cousins, during her freshmen year in college and then shortly afterwards, reconsidered going to Egypt because “they” control their women. — really? my first husband never controlled me. And he was one of “those people.” She’s not only an ass, but a bigot. But she picks and choses WHEN she’s a bigot. If someone of a different ethnicity than her can be of use to her, she’s a “lover” of the trans-racial thingy. Example: when she was gushing about her new romance, he was a Mexican/Native American. But after they broke up, she was trashing him on twitter and called him an “indian” – which is basically a slur.