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Reclaiming our Family Honor!

Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!

Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om


“Damaged people damage people.”…. And my brain has been racing ever since — because damaged people don’t have to stay damaged”… David Gerrold

Update February 12, 2014…

I’ve again revamped and moved around a few items from this front page to my about page. As of this date, this blog has over 9,500 views! and that’s since I started this blog in July 2011!

The purpose of this blog is about exposing all the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family and telling the truth of myself and my family.

It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler.

Our commentary and reporting is our business.

The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.

This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT BORN in 1955 and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.

Yep, the worst thing Joan Wheeler ever did was to publish that lying book. Now she will have to live with that dead book tied around her neck until we set everything in it straight and right and it starts to stink and rot OR she decides to make it right and remove ALL references to Forbidden Family on her two web sites and apology to us siblings and our parents!
Warning…the contents of this blog are not suitable for young impressible minds or for people who believe everything Joan Wheeler has said or written. Believe her at your own risk!
see joint post of Gert and Ruth
update of February 2014…Joan has still NOT answered any of our charges against her…in fact when asked directly she runs and hides away, or screams that we are harassing her…so we shall continue on until she answers to the dirty deeds and words she has said and deeds she has done. Joan still has NOT removed her hate blogs against us or gotten her friends to get rid of theirs, so we shall just carry on. Everything Joan and her friends have done to the birth family are part of the historical record.

#JoanWheeler is back, looking for sympathy for her (self-made) plight in the world!

She has gone through 2 (two) man in the past YEAR! Since the publication of her, now deceased libelous book, Forbidden Family, in 2009, she has had 5 (five) different TRUE LOVES (sugar daddies) … all of which have disappeared. I shall present a comment Joan recently wrote, because she is out there again, looking for that sympathy vote. But first I have a few things to say.

What a bunch of crock! Joan Wheeler’s illnesses may be real enough to prevent her from KEEPING a paying job…but…the root cause of those (plural) illnesses are SELF-INFLICTED! If Joan WOULD get off her BS soap-box about adoption she MAY get better, mentally and spiritually. For you see, for anyone, it is the mental and spiritual aspects of one’s life that CAUSES the physical illnesses. Joan’s belief that she’s been HARMED by adoption is the cause of her many illnesses. I’m not dismissing any facts that physical conditions can and do PREVENT someone from earning a living.

But…when a person INSISTS that they MUST FIGHT the system, over a perceive cause, and, they MAKE no positive change in things, THEN they forfeit the RIGHT to claim that they ARE DOING ANY GOOD DEED FOR SOCIETY. Joan should KNOW THIS…she has had 30 plus years of mental health counseling and YET she isn’t any better. Joan MISUNDERSTANDS the ‘giving back to society’ concept. Sure, giving back, generally, means you DON’T GET PAID for your service, so why does she always bring up the issue of payment? If she wants to get paid…get a JOB THAT PAYS A SALARY and shut UP.

A person also DOESN’T  get to pick and DEFINE those fringe ‘social issues’ that typically, and in Joan’s case pointedly, condemns others for THEIR CHOICE. Giving back to society DOES NOT mean you have any right to condemn, browbeat, insult or do any other form of harassment just because the OTHER’s choice is NOT WHAT YOU BELIEVE THEY SHOULD DO. I volunteer…that’s means I do not get paid…as a Hospice volunteer. There is an official definition for the work I do and for the most part, NO ONE condemns me for my ‘work’ of GIVING BACK TO THE COMMUNITY.To DO the unpaid job that I DO, I must follow the rules! I cannot use that as a means to GAIN SYMPATHY just because I am NOT GETTING PAID.

Upon my divorce in 1970, I was on WELFARE for about 3 years. The ‘system’ put me through school…one year at Dental Assisting, and then for about 2 years of additional help UNTIL I made enough money to GET OFF THE SYSTEM. I then WORKED for 37 years and retired with a FEDERAL PENSION and SOCIAL SECURITY. I earned every penny I now get!

30 years ago, when I moved to a new location, I needed short term help. I then repaid that debt by volunteering for the food pantry. I didn’t broadcast the fact, I just did IT. Joan states she’s been disabled for 12 years…that would take us to 2002!  What JOB did she have before 2002? NOT MUCH! She has always had SHORT TERM EMPLOYMENT, when she WASN’T in college! She has two degrees, paid for by the adoptive parents!, the very parents that she condemns. I PAID FOR EVERY college class I ever attended. No one has ever given me a penny I didn’t earn!

I have NEVER gone public, like Joan Wheeler does, about BEING POOR. I HAVE BEEN POOR! I know what that is! But, I have enough SELF-RESPECT to tell the truth of my circumstances and I’m PROUD that once I got the helping hand I needed I CONTRIBUTED TO SOCIETY BY WORKING FOR 37 YEARS! Joan is NOT the only person who has medical issues! I have plenty and I pay for my health care…$325 per month for my coverage in addition to copays and other costs. Joan GETS FREE MEDICAL CARE! She doesn’t PAY a monthly premium nor a copay…so what the fu… is she complaining about?

Joan is SO EASILY OFFENDED…that’s for sure! Joan DOES NOT EDUCATE people, she browbeats them! That certainly is NOT GIVING BACK to the community.

October 21, 2014 Joan M Wheeler I have been disabled for 12 years. Lost my job due to illness. I hate being poor. I live on $189 of food stamps a month. Sometimes, I buy freshly-made sushi as my food co-op. I am easily offended when people generalize against the poor. By the way, as an adoption reform activist, I am giving back to society by educating people on the effects of adoption on adoptees and our natural parents. So sorry I don’t get paid for my work. If I could work, I would. Not easy having health issues that that require constant medical care. end


godzilla works

cheesh! even The Big Guy works. – Here he is at Toho’s main office – when he’s not making movies, Godzilla does office work.

It’s funny how Joan can be a bar-hopper at The Sportsman Tavern and get sooo involved in the local music scene in Buffalo. And go to the annual birthday party for former president Millard Fillmore (because his birthday is the same as hers) and drink up a storm.

But she says she’s been disabled for 12 years due to illness and health issues that require constant medical care.

Listen, if you ain’t caring for those health issues at the bar – then you can get a damn job! I tried to get her to be a nurse’s aide way back in 1989. She gave me lip service. Said she was going to file an application. She never did.

She says she lives on $189 of food stamps a month. So how is she getting the $$$ for her adoption conferences and other trips? – Sugar Daddys – that’s how.

She says she hates being poor – but won’t get off her ass and get a job. But how is she affording a mortgage and upkeep on a two story, three bedroom single home with full basement, garage and yard – PLUS a car? Sugar Daddies.

She says “If I could work, I would.” – riiight. If she can go to the bars all the time, she can get a job and work. Cos her health problems are not preventing her from being at the bars and other local music festivals and being a local musician groupie.


oh – by the way, my recently deceased friend from high school – Michelene, was diagnosed at the age of 17 with multiple sclerosis. That did not stop her from getting a degree from the University of Buffalo for science and teaching. She used crutches to walk on the day of her college graduation. She became a docent for the Buffalo Museum of Science. She was a single mom.
By the mid 1980’s, she was confined to a wheelchair, but she still worked. As each successive bout of MS robbed her of more mobility, she never gave up working, until she was forced to.
In the mid 1990’s, she took over the leadership of a local Star Trek fan group, The USS Ari. Many times we had our meetings at the museum, where she took on her former docent duties and gave us impromptu educational tours.
By the early 2000’s, she was in a motorized wheelchair, and only her left arm was mobile. And she was right-handed.
That still did not stop her from typing out and publishing (with the help of her son, other relatives, home-health aides and me – in the collating and stapling) of the monthly newsletter of our group, The Ari Chronicles.
She would motor around in her wheelchair, going to dinner with her many friends, shopping, attending Star Trek conventions in Toronto and Buffalo, having long conversations with the actors (she had a half-hour conversation with actor Gary Lockwood, who seemed smitten with her), NASA astronauts, and others involved in Star Trek and general science fiction
We went to see the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings movies together, and had many long phone conversations. When my husband John and I got married, we threw a backyard barbecue the next day – and using scripts from a couple of Star Trek episodes, with Star Trek music in the background, Captain Mike, married Ari crewmembers Ruth and John.
Michelle loved holiday gimmickry – she would buy those corny plastic holiday earrings – big shamrocks for St. Patrick’s Day, strings of brightly colored beads for Madri Gras, black cat or jack-o-lanterns for Halloween, and of course she was decked out for Christmas and the Fourth of July.
As I am writing this – I look down and see the socks I am wearing – that used to be Michelle’s – black background with different colored, glittered words and orbs – of Our Solar System!
At our Ari meetings, she would shower us with different holiday themed trinkets and boxes of homemade stationery.
Michelle loved ancient Egypt and knew of my love for it as well. She gave me many Egyptian giftwares from the gift shop of the Museum.
She loved letter writing and had many penpals from around the country – many from Star Fleet International – the parent organization of our Star Trek group, as well as her sorority sisters from college and lifelong friends from high school.
When she couldn’t use pen and paper anymore, she got a computer and typed with the fingers of one hand. – She loved stickers and cartoons and dinosaurs.
In 2004, a freak accident occurred that spiraled down to her demise – she was shopping – by herself – because she could do it and she was that fucking independent! She was at the post office buying stamps. She was exiting the building when the door closed on her right ankle, causing a spiral fracture of her right leg. She ended up in the hospital, and then rehab in a nursing home – where two incompetent aides fractured her hip putting her into bed. – I was livid! Here were TWO aides, using mechanical lift and they injure her! Several times on my way to my job as a nurse’s aide in a hospital, I would stop by Michelle’s house and put her to bed, using her mechanical lift – with no problem!
These injuries triggered another bout of MS and she went into respiratory distress, where she ended up in the intensive care unit where I work, and she ended up with a trach – and now she couldn’t speak!
She was confined to a nursing home bed the past several years in a vegetative state and passed away last month.
MS didn’t stop Michelle until it was impossible for her any longer.
What the fuck is Joan’s excuse? – as I said in my previous comment – if Joan can frequent the bars and local music festivals – she can get a damn job!

Is everyone’s truth really the truth? by Gert McQueen


an important message…I wrote this BEFORE I had my own blog…and it’s message is always very important

Originally posted on Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family --:

Is everyone’s truth really the truth?
by Gert McQueen
It was once believed that the sun rotated around the earth…that was fact! People died if they didn’t believe it.
If someone still believes that the sun rotates around the earth…are they still right? Is their truth…really true?
I have used the famous statement of the second president of the USA, John Adams, in a blog posting, to point out that a personal truth (Joan’s) is not really the truth. John Adams said “Facts are Stubborn Things”.
Joan NEVER provides facts! Her truth is not the truth!
Daniel Patrick Moynihan said “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.”
This was said in response to someone who said that President Obama is not a citizen of the USA.
It has been said to me, by a friend, that if someone believes something…

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#JoanWheeler was ‘scared to death’ when she was ‘found’ by birth siblings??!!

What utter bullshit! She always uses the extreme for attention getting! On October 15, 2014 Joan Wheeler says the following in response to a ‘news’ story. My comments follows.

Joan said…

When I received a phone call in 1974 at age 18 from a sister I never knew, I was hit with horrendous panic and anxiety. This was the beginning of my reunion with natural family. Doctors couldn’t help me. I didn’t get the chance to see a psychiatrist for about another 10 years. Even then, no one believed the level of panic I felt. There were many other such incidences due to hate mail and hate phone calls. I developed stress-related illnesses causing me to lose my job. Physical illness does result from being frightened. I’m glad I didn’t die.

Can You Actually Be Scared to Death? – DNews

There’s a common phrase where people claim that they are “scared to death.” Is it possible to actually die from being scared? Trace and Wilson investigate.

Gert here…

On page 3 of her libelous book Forbidden Family…she states… ‘Just two months earlier, on my 18th birthday in January of 1974, I decided to locate the only living blood relative I knew I had, my father…What an uncanny coincidence! While I began a search for my father, my own sister was simultaneously in search of me!… did we read each other’s thoughts?… The manner in which the truth began to unfold was contrary to what I had expected….I struggled to compose myself…’

So…is what she wrote in the TRUTHFUL book Forbidden Family, which was proved to be libelous, TRUE or is what she wrote on Facebook TRUE?

Okay! I can accept that learning about the birth family COULD give her, or anyone, anxiety and that panic could result from the ADOPTIVE PARENTS knowing that she THEN knew the truth of her birth family…but…everything else is JOAN’S DOING! She’s glad she didn’t die! What kind of idiot is she? She’s looking for attention here! … don’t give it to her! She’s again all alone, her last boyfriend just left her and so she’s now on the internet looking for sob stories she can hijack for her own bullshit and attention!

Joan’s life, before being found by birth siblings, was a mess! That is NOT the birth siblings fault! She documents her life of hell with the adoptive parents and their family, that caused her all that panic and anxiety. NOT OUR FAULT. She didn’t need a doctor or a psychiatrist then or now…what she needed was to get the HELL AWAY FROM THE ADOPTIVE PARENTS, she was of AGE, but she NEEDED THEM TO PAY FOR HER EDUCATION AND A PLACE TO LIVE.  But no, she blamed everything on the birth family. Hate mail and phone calls!! We, me and Ruth, have dealt with that on our blogs, for years now. We have documented proof of hate mail that Joan sent to the birth family, we have documented proof of everything that Joan did to the birth family, Joan has NOTHING of proof.

Whatever the causes of her stress related illness she has, which caused her to become disabled, is NOT due to the birth family…but totally caused by her own reactions to EVERYTHING and ANYTHING, and the adoptive parents. She was NOT frightened by me calling her, she was frightened by the words and actions of the adoptive mother! Joan documented all the hell in that book!

If she is so MESSED UP why would ANYONE want her as a SOCIAL WORKER? She may have the degree as one but she never has worked as one and her own words are proof that she is incapable of helping ANYONE.

She’s glad she didn’t die! What an idiot! She’s looking for sympathy and pity. Asshole.

Fantasy and Reality; HOW DOES #Joan Wheeler (#forbiddenfamily) construct her world and is it healthy?

When one lives their entire life, from a ‘internal dialogue’ point of view, and does NOT compare, contrast, alter, nor question that ‘internal dialogue’, along side, and with the standards, of acceptable views, of others, in the greater world, can they be considered sane, reasonable, rational or just living in some self-created ‘fantasy’ and/or insanity?

What part does fantasy and imagination have on a person’s world view? Sure we all have imagination and fantasy; that’s part of being alive; its creative at best, but at it’s worst, quite dangerous. I think there’s a lot more, here, than meets the eye; for to have a fantasy of life or an imagination, that doesn’t fit the known world, one could be living on a ‘invisible’ edge and that can and does lead to very strange behavior.

When I come across something, in my vast realms of reading, that illustrates, what I know to be ‘right’ thinking, I wonder ‘why’ is it that others don’t see it! I’m beginning to believe that the percentage of un-intelligent life is growing, for there seems to be more and more people who are believing the bullshit instead of questioning the bullshit.

Then, as in the case of certain ‘special interest’ groups, for them, it’s best to ignore those, like myself, whom point out that one of their own, in this case Joan Wheeler, is just plain crazy! It seems as if they just want to pretend that either I or Joan don’t exist and that we will disappear. But, you see, neither one of us is going to…disappear. Joan truly believes in her self-centered bullshit, and me and other birthsiblings, will continue to refute the lies about us and reclaim our honor. So there you are!

Recently I read an article, Saved From Freezing, by Zen priest and poet Norman Fischer, as he explores the spirituality of art. The article can be found @

By no means do I wish to take away anything from Mr Fischer’s wonderful article, nor it’s messages, but I did find a couple of phrases, sentences and a paragraph or two that just said it all! I do urge all to read his entire article.

The article is about fantasy and imagination in the spiritual sense; and in this regards, it must be remembered, that Joan Wheeler has NO SPIRITUAL life! This is her one major flaw; she is without a spiritual anchor. She has attempted to ‘show’ that she does, when she is in a ‘relationship’, as she takes on whatever the new fellow has.

When she was engaged (June 2013) to a Mexican/American Indian, she was all into those cultures’ spirituality, that ended even before it began, but she was so into her fantasy and imagination. When she was in a relationship (July 2014, which appears to have ended Sept 2014) she was all into various Buddhist and mindfulness ‘quotes’.

Joan just puts on whatever ‘coat of multi-colors’ comes her way. She is a chameleon! She states she’s a atheist and a humanist and she activity and publicly condemns all forms of religion. No wonder the last ‘relationship’ ended so fast! He is a Buddhist.

Anyone who has any spirituality would not last long with Joan’s adamant anti-religious positions. No wonder she has no luck in keeping a ‘relationship’.

Now for those thoughts from the article and how they fit Joan.

Mr Fischer says… ‘The world and the self really do appear to us as frozen. Our personal problems, our self-definitions, what we hear from those around us—all these convincing and compelling experiences invite us to clutch at concepts, positions, worries. We naturally build vast structures of ice to hold in place the world and the self, chilly and confined.’

Gert says...That’s Joan alright! She has all she needs to know…don’t confuse her with any facts contrary to her views! There is no warmth in her. All she expresses is pain, anguish, loss, suffering, anger, hate…all frozen in place. She would not exist if she were to melt some of that ice!

Mr Fischer says… ‘we tend toward ice: We crave a secure sense of self, a truth we can depend on, a world we can tame and understand. We want to be frozen, even as we long desperately to thaw.’

Gert says… Sure I can buy that! but can Joan? Nope because she is afraid of letting go of her demons. She has them by the tail and she’ll not let them go…she is one with her demons.

Mr Fischer says… ‘The imagination situates us in a reality wider, deeper, and more mysterious than we can directly sense or rationally know. Imagination can see into and through the apparent world to something luminous and significant. Without imagination there is only plodding on in a two-dimensional world, merely surviving, getting through the day. Without imagination we feel only the world’s dead weight, like an albatross around our necks, hanging there without rhythm, without quickness, without a beating heart. ‘

Gert says…Okay I see that, that imagination allows us a bit more freedom…to get outside of ourselves. We all have ‘wondered’ what the other person ‘really’ thinks about us. So, if I imagined that another person is really ‘out to get me’ then that ‘imagination’ is coloring my view of that person and I have ‘created’ something that isn’t really there…or is it? Confused? a little! In Joan’s case, she wrote a book, from her imagination…of what other ‘real’ people thought and did. That book has now been pulled for libel and is an ALBATROSS around her neck, a dead weight that she can NEVER escape. Her imagination created it and it is a dead weight because it was proven to be false! moving on…

Mr Fischer says… ‘But imagination is tricky and wild. It does not play by the rules; it cannot be controlled or second-guessed. No surprise, then, that imagination is depicted as a goddess, a muse, who comes when she wants to and leaves without notice. From the point of view of the rationally organized world, imagination is dangerous, for it holds that world in supreme irony, as a mere backdrop for its colorful activity.’

Gert says…ah I thought so…humm…so imagination can be beneficial or dangerous! If Joan had labeled her book as FICTION instead of NON-FICTION, and removed all references to the birth family, including her own REAL NAMES there would probably never have been a problem; with her book or her imagination! But, she, in her imagination of a great writer and social worker and adoption activist, COULD NEVER allow herself to write and work under a pen name. By using her real names, birth and adoptive, and naming all of the family’s surnames, she allowed her imagination to create a world that truly never existed and that is why the book is libelous! Even her insistence in retelling over and over again, on internet discussion forums and the like, various falsely created stories from her imagination as ‘truth’ points to her living in an ‘imaginary’ world. She is locked in it. She is frozen in it!

Mr Fischer says… ‘And no wonder religion almost always mistrusts and fears the imagination, which is forever evoking energies—sexual and creative energies—religion would just as soon forget: they are just so messy and hard to control, and they are not usually polite.’

Gert says…With dogmatic religions one is just stuck with the doctrine and dogma; there’s no way around it! If you use your  imagination you are a heretic! But there are many non-doctrine/dogmanic religions that have many valid ‘sects’ within and imagination works well there. I find that religions that have a wide variety of gods, goddesses, demons, and other creatures, to be more fullfilling ones, for they allow for a vast range of valid experiences including those tricky sexual and creative aspects. So, point is, if your religion isn’t giving you fulfillment, try another! It may not work for alot of people, but it worked for me! The worlds of religions are vast! Joan, on the other hand, hates all religions! Even though she professes to be a Unitarian, she hasn’t the foggest notion about their prime belief…the worth of each individual! If she did understand and live that tennet she wouldn’t condemn others’ belief systems. She also says she is a humanist and a atheist. Either way…she is still frozen, locked up, with her imagined (false) view of the world around her and the people in it.

Mr Fischer says… ‘Imagination draws its energy from a confrontation with desire. It feeds off desire, transmuting and magnifying reality through desire’s power.

Gert says…Joan’s desire is to have the world UNDERSTAND her on her terms! Well, her terms are not based in or on any form of reality. She may be able to transmute and magnify her ‘desire’ to show that what she ‘imagined’ actually happened, but, it falls apart in the face of cold hard FACTS.

Mr Fischer says… Fantasy does the opposite; it avoids desire by fleeing into a crude sort of wish-fulfillment that seems much safer. Fantasy might be teddy bears, lollipops, sexual delights, or superhero adventures; it also might be voices in one’s head urging acts of outrage and mayhem. Or it might be the confused world of separation and fear we routinely live in, a threatening yet seductive world that promises us the happiness we seek when our fantasies finally become real.

Gert says…Now…Joan also uses a vast amount of fantasy in her world…in the form of ‘the voices in her head’ that ‘urge her into rage and mayhem’. The family knows this all too well! It’s actually more accurate to say that Joan uses more FANTASY than IMAGINATION. Even if one grants that what she writes/says has ‘some’ element of truth in it, how can her ‘voices’ be explained? Surely, documenting one’s own ‘rages’ ‘outbursts’ ‘cruel behavior’ to parent(s) and one’s own children, can’t be just the work of imagination! It has to be from the fantasies of the the ‘voices in the head’! Yes, Joan fantasized that she was going to be world-renowned writer! She was going to travel around the world to book signings and conferences where she would give presentations. She was going to have a movie made out of her book/life! She was going to make millions! And to do that, she had to use a lot of imagination in her creating the stories, from her fanatasies, in order to write the book!

Mr Fischer says… Imagination confronts desire directly, in all its discomfort and intensity, deepening the world right where we are. Fantasy and reality are opposing forces, but imagination and reality are not in opposition: imagination goes toward reality, shapes and evokes it.’

Gert says…At first reading of these couple of sentences one could say I’m all wrong! But think about it! Joan had to use imagination to write and create the stories she wanted/wants to tell. That action did/does confront her desire directly, with its discomfort and intensity; she FEELS it in her pores! so it must be right! So her imagination and her reality are NOT in opposition; she is right! And she evokes it!

BUT…it’s all based on her FANTASIES! Her fantasies of being a great and powerful adoption activist, that the world would buy all her books and attend all her conferences and Hollywood would be getting the best actors, directors, music etc at nauseum!

So tell me…is Joan Wheeler based in reality? She really ought to get a spiritual practice and get grounded in reality.

My apologies to Mr Fischer, and his wonderful article, which was using imagination and fantasy in the world of art and spirituality, for my co-opting some of his words to illustrate how it can also be applied to someone like Joan Wheeler.   end

Why I don’t give a DAMN about Joan Wheeler’s adoption trauma or any other “trauma” she’s going through


always and forever…the deeds of Joan Wheeler

Originally posted on Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family --:

by Ruth Sippel Pace

clarification, I copied and pasted a post that Joan had placed on the adoptee forum, and I answered here, on my blog. In the past, Joan has accused me of stalking her on the internet to see what she writes – call it stalking if you want, I call it “monitoring” what Joan says about me and my family. Because I have the right to know what is written about me. And if it’s a lie, I will mostly definitely straighten that lie out. Don’t like what I’m doing Joan? – too bad. THEN STOP WRITING ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY ON THE INTERNET – AND MOST IMPORTANT – STOP LYING ABOUT ME.  A month ago, we sent this same message – after Joan got on the Huffington Post to smear our reputations and my grandfather’s reputation. – Whenever I see that Joan has writted stuff…

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- Learning “Joan Wheeler Speak”

too funny not to be seen again

- Learning “Joan Wheeler Speak”.

A memoir should not be an act of war! So why did #JoanWheeler do that?

Because she wanted to expose and exploit every member of the birth and adoptive families and any other human being that was in any way contributed to her being adopted or who would NOT see life the way she sees it.

I was unable to find a way to ‘reblog’ the following web site directly and so I’m just including the link here.

Both Ruth and I have comments on this article.

I feel it important that those that promote the writing of a memoir be made aware of the real and dangerous outcomes that occur when someone writes to harm other and declare ‘war’ on them.

Cancer words; why can’t #JoanWheeler #forbiddenfamily just accept the true cause of the death of our mother and thereby her adoption?

Because, she USES our mother’s illness and death, as a bone of contention, for her position of activist to gain access to medical records of adoptees; in other words, she is exploiting our mother’s death, for political gain and personal fame. Joan HAS all her records, she just wants the fame! She lost the fortune when she wrote a libelous book!

YES, of course, there is a true need for access to medical conditions, no doubt about that! I am in favor of family medical histories being made available to those that are placed into adoption. But, that is not the focus here. What is the focus is that Joan DOES NOT want to accept the truth because then she would NOT be able to use our mother’s medical condition and death for her self-centered misguided adoption reform position.

There have been many incarnations of Joan’s web page, over the years. Here’s the current one;

On this site, as well as in other places, she indicates that the blog is ‘under construction’. She may have ‘cleaned’ house as well for I note that the following post, that I’m discussing here, is not on the current site. (!?) You will note an ‘update’ on the captured post and it was after that update that this post must have been removed. I no longer recall when I captured this comment, was it 2013? Regardless it, and other things, have been in my, rather large file, of her rants. I get to them when I get to them.

When I found this post, the then blog, had ‘tabs’ and under the tab that she named ‘natural’, is where this was located. I was a bit shocked, that she had posted our mother’s death certificate! That is why I captured the post, but NOT the scan of the certificate, that I already had!

I am providing a portion of the certificate here, the portion that is relevant to the discussion of the cause of death.

This is Joan’s post that I shall be discussing here in this post.

Date Posted: 27 Oct 2009 @ 2:09 AM

Last Modified: 13 Apr 2012 @ 06:28 PM
Posted By: legitimatebastard

When my adoptive parents “got” me, they were told that my natural mother died of uterine cancer. Believing this, my adoptive mother worried that I might be susceptible to the same cancer. As a preventative measure, from as early as my teen years, I was seen by a gynecologist and had pap-tests every six months.

When I was 18 and found by siblings I never knew, my natural father, on our very first meeting, gave me a certified copy of my deceased mother’s death certificate. Six months later, I was a Freshman in college. I went to the college library and looked up the terms in a medical dictionary. My natural mother did not die from uterine cancer, as I was told by my adoptive parents, and they were told by my natural father, she died of kidney cancer. So I had had repeated pap-tests and had been worried about the wrong medical condition.

It is vitally important that adoptive parents are given a correct medical history for the infant they adopt, especially in the case of the death of one or both natural parents. In fact, a detailed medical history going back another generation is very helpful.

Here is a scanned image of my natural mother’s death certificate as given to me by my natural father in March 1974. Note the words: carcinamatosis hypernephroma, which means cancer of the kidney.

End of Joan’s post

Gert here: First an observation about gyn exams. It is ALWAYS a good practice for any female to have regular gyn checkups, whether it is known or not known about cancer in the family; this is just NORMAL preventive health care. So, for Joan to use normal regular gyn exams and pap-tests as having ‘been unnecessary’, she is showing her own ignorance as well as ‘presenting’ her wrong-headed case.

Now we, birth siblings, have addressed this ‘point of view’ of Joan’s several times in various posts.

Joan’s Insistence on Not Letting Our Mother Rest March 22, 2010

This post discusses the causes, conditions and circumstances of our mother’s illness and death.

This post discusses the various lies Joan states and the truth of the issues.

This post discusses the drug DES that our mother was prescribed, while pregnant with Joan. It is Joan’s lack of accepting that and her outright lying about it, as well as a previous miscarriage our mother had and other health issues.

As we have pointed out several times, Joan tells many different versions of how she got our mother’s death certificate, medical records, what she died of and how she died! Joan favors hyperbole in her writing style as well as outright lies and misrepresentations. She likes to ‘shock and awe’ people! Many things she wrote, in that libelous book, were so outrageous it was beyond disgusting. She has ‘her story’ and doesn’t want to be confused with the facts.

Let’s now talk a bit about that ‘family’ picture; the one that is on my WordPress blog and was on the back cover of Joan’s pulled libelous book. The picture was taken in 1954 NOT 1955!

Our ages, in summer 1954 were; Gert 7 years.6 months, Kathy 6 years.3 months, Leonard, Jr 4 years.6 months, Ruth just 2 years.

My first holy communion, at age 7, was in June of 1954, there is a picture of me and cousin Judy Miller. There is a picture of Ruth’s first year birthday party 1953. If one compares those pictures you can see the ages we were in that family picture. Our mother was NOT pregnant at the time of that family group picture.

Joan was born Jan 1956, premature, she was conceived in June 1955.  The family picture is in warm weather so mom was not visually pregnant, just fat, from 4 kids and one miscarriage that occurred between 1953 and 1954. When mom got pregnant again, with Joan, in the summer of 1955, she was put on the drug DES and put into the hospital to HOLD that pregnancy. I recall her leaving home to stay in the hospital during the season of Christmas of 1955…that was the last we saw her alive.

The family picture is from 1954 … long before Joan was conceived.

It is now important to understand some medical terms and conditions.

What is DES?

Diethylstilbestrol (DES) is a synthetic form of the female hormone estrogen. It was prescribed to pregnant women between 1940 and 1971 to prevent miscarriage, premature labor, and related complications of pregnancy. The use of DES declined after studies in the 1950s showed that it was not effective in preventing these problems.

  • Women who took DES during pregnancy have an increased risk of breast cancer.
  • Increased risks of clear cell adenocarcinoma of the vagina and cervix and of breast cancer have been found for daughters of women who took DES during pregnancy; fertility problems are also more common among these daughters.
  • Other health problems have been found for both daughters and sons of women who took DES during pregnancy; studies of the grandchildren of these women are just beginning.
  • People who were exposed to DES should be aware of the possible health effects and tell their doctor about their exposure.

From my Random House Webster’s College Dictionary

carcinamatosis a condition marked by the production of carcinomas throughout the body

carcinomas a malignant tumor composed of epithelial tissue

The word hypernephroma was not found in Websters‘ but the various meanings of the word’s components are…

hyper a prefix meaning excessive

nephro a combining form meaning ‘kidney’

nephropathy is any disease of the kidney

nephrosis is kidney disease

On various sites I looked at, during my research, I found these statements…

‘Seeing the word hypernephroma on a death certificate does not mean it was ‘cause’ of death.’

‘Finding ‘hypernephroma’ on my son’s autopsy does not mean it was the cause of death.’

Our mother had ovarian cancer and breast cancer and she had it for at least six months perhaps even longer before her death. It, the cancer, was NOT found until after the birth of the child and by that time the cancer had spread and the body was beginning to shut down and die! First thing the body does when it is dying is to shut down the kidneys.

After she birthed the child (Joan), in her hospital bed, it was deemed that she should have an operation to determine what conditions she had. It was FOUND that she had ADVANCED ovarian cancer that spread throughout her system. It was DETERMINED by herself, her husband and her doctors, NOT to have further treatments. It was HER OWN decision to let nature take its course and claim her!

This fact was not welcomed by our mother’s family and neither was the fact that our father was in the process of securing a 2nd wife/mother, while our mother was still alive. Our father was demonized by our mother’s family for having an ‘affair’ while she lie dying and for his refusal to get our mother more aggressive treatments, which would have cause her greater distress.

Our father knew from JANUARY 19TH  the day of her exploratory surgery that his wife was dying! It is because Dad knew his wife, our Mom, was dying that he sought out another woman to marry; he knew her from before knowing our mother. It is also possible that our mother knew this fact and that the infant may have to be placed into adoption as she KNEW she was dying.

Dad’s remarriage was in the summer of 1956, three months after the death of his first wife, our mother. He had to act quickly as his children were being cared for by grandparents, who were elderly, and aunts and uncles, who had young children of their own.

Hypernephroma is the end result of having carcinamatosis  in the body. It, hypernephroma, is NOT the cause of death of our mother. Carcinamatosis IS the cause of death of our mother. She died of uterine cancer!  Joan Wheeler knows nothing of the truth.

 Mom Death Certificate cropped

Another Chapter in Joan Wheeler’s Revisionist History – how her 9/11 experience changed from a ‘truthful’ account in 2009 to a lie in 2014.

An excellent presentation of evidence via Ruth!

Another Chapter in Joan Wheeler’s Revisionist History – how her 9/11 experience changed from a ‘truthful’ account in 2009 to a lie in 2014..

An adult is as the adult/child does! #JoanWheeler, the perpetual spoiled brat of a child, wants to be known as an adult!

Too bad she can’t accept the LIFE she has, as an adult and thereby GET a life of an adult.

I’ve had the following site, and comment of Joan’s, in my ‘waiting to be done’ folders on Joan Wheeler. For years, Joan has been all over the Internet, so there’s alot of material. And unlike her, I do have a life. So it takes time for me to get back to those folders and do my follow ups and blog posts.

Once I looked at the site, I decided to placed another comment myself. I am not including the article itself nor any other comments, just Joan’s and mine and one other. Make of it as you will and be glad that you don’t have a mentally ill person in your family!

PS I am including a couple of long comments made by Ruth because it’s IMPORTANT to remember that Joan Wheeler has a long dirty history of maliciousness towards us, the birth sisters, and anyone who does not agree with Joan.

I am an adult, not an adopted child

Submitted by 1adoptee on April 5, 2011 – 11:05am.

When an adoptee refers to himself as “an adopted child”, such as author Stephen J. Betchen did, I think that the author is not well informed. The adoption reform movement has been going strong since founded in 1953 by Jean Paton. We prefer to be referred to as “adult adoptees” so as to remind people that children do not search, adults do. And it is adoptees over legal age of adulthood who are actively trying to change laws that undermine our basic civil rights to our sealed birth certificates. Therein is another problem. Opposition to adoptees’ access to our birth certificates claims we must seek parental permission from our natural parents, and in some cases, our adoptive parents as well. This mindset is deeply rooted in the perception that adoptees should be forever seen as children in need of protection. We are young adults, middle aged and elderly citizens who want what everyone else has: the civil right to obtain our true birth certificates. Search and Reunion and relationship building are secondary to that goal.

not all adults behave as adults

Submitted by gert mcqueen on August 24, 2014 – 5:48am.

If one wishes to be seen as an adult than they should behave as an adult and not as a spoiled brat that kicks and screams to get attention and bully anyone whom doesn’t see the world as they, the child, does. Some in the adoption reform movement resort to browbeating and insulting any pro-adoption people. Those actions are hardly commendable and do not change laws for reform.

Commentator 1adoptee (forbiddenfamily) is my birth sibling whom was placed into adoption due to death of our mother, our father had no other option. In the course of reunion the entire birth family were treated unfairly by this ‘adult adoptee’. When I adopted my own child with second husband, this ‘adult’ called me an unfit mother, interfered with my parental rights with my minor children and called false child-abuse upon me, twice! The entire birth family were subjected to all manner of insults and betrayals by this ‘adult adoptee’. Then in 2009 she wrote a libelous hate book (Forbidden Family) against every member of both birth and adopted families! In 2011, one month after she wrote her comment on this site, the book was pulled from publication, via the publisher, when evidence was provide, by birth family, that the book contained libel/slander and hate. Please do some of your own research on the character and actions of ‘adult adoptees’.

Endless internet drama

Submitted by Anonymous on August 31, 2014 – 7:12am.

Most adoptees and natural families are normal people who end up having normal relationships when and if they reunite with each other.

Some – on both sides – are apparently not.
some people just are not worth finding and knowing

I realize that this comment is coming late – but I had not seen this until today, August 31, 2014.
Since the time Joan Wheeler commented here, (page 2) answering my comments, with more slanted lies about me, Joan sent an anonymous letter (Nov. 2012) and to my employer, accusing me of computer fraud, in an attempt to get me fired. In January 2013, she bragged about sending that letter on the internet. I pressed harassment charges on her but the judge dismissed it. At the same time period, she was feeding 30 year gossip to a boyfreind of hers, who has a blog titled “Defending Joan Wheeler” – however, he does little defending her, but instead attacks me. In early 2013, he threatened me with emotional blackmail via his blog. I responded that whatever “dark dirty secret of mine that he thinks he knows about me” – to go ahead and say it. I reminded him that the police and the district attorney would be very interested in knowing how he, who never met me, knows any secret I may have. – He even brought up a fight that I had with a woman in September 1979! This is what I mean when I say that Joan Wheeler tells 30 year old slanted gossip about me! When I threatened this man with the police – he backed off. Very wise of him to do so.

In reading Joan’s answer to my comment here on page 2 of this site – I see where she still engages in half-truths. One in particular, where I sent an actual court document to the publisher of her book that had the correct court date on it, vs. to the date she put in the book. Joan claims in her comment here that she mistakenly put the wrong date in her book. No, she did not. We were in court three times – the first time in 1993, over phone calls I made to her, and she told the police I was making annoyance phone calls. The judge granted her a six-month order of protection against me. In the book she says it was for one year, and that she had MULTIPLE orders of protection against me. No, there was only that one. – In 1995, I took her to court because she was writing letters to the mayor of Buffalo and other elected officials telling them that I had a criminal record. In Dec. 1994, a child abuse call was made about Joan, someone posed at me and also named my fiance as co-molestor of Joan’s children. I believe it was Joan herself who placed that call because she sent letters to my mother in law’s house telling my husband to leave me. She was also writing letters to New York State Child Abuse Center and told them we were in court in 1993 and I was sentenced to probation. Joan was also calling my employer almost daily telling them I had a criminal record.  The judge in the court case that I instituted was dismissed because the judge felt “sisters should get along.”
In 1999, I took Joan to court for harassment again because she sent me a letter telling me that my husband had gotten the next-door neighbor pregnant. (the house was vacant.)
In March 1995 – we both appeared, it was adjourned to a date in April, then adjourned to a date in May. Yes, we had three court dates – for a total of about 10 minutes each time, 30 minutes final total time in front of the judge. In Joan’s book, she mixes up all three court cases, the one in 1993, 1995 and 1999. She reports that in 1994 we went through three months of court battles. – do you see how she mixes and sneakily LIES to everyone?

I send Trafford Publications EVERY court document that I had – not just one, as Joan says here on this site. – Including the letter she sent to Albany NY in Dec. 1994 saying that I was placed on probation – I sent Trafford the actual Order of Protection with the dates August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994 to show that it was for the duration of six months, not one year as she put forth in her book.
And in the book, she does say that I have a criminal record – which is LIBEL.

I have a blogpost that contains the actual email I sent to Trafford – and it has ALL complaints I have about Joan’s book.  It was their legal team that decided that Joan VIOLATED THE CONTRACT THAT SHE SIGNED with Trafford when she said she put forth only the truth in her ‘non-fiction’ book.
It was never about she make peace with her sisters and write a book that we approved of – it was all about LIBEL AND SLANDER.

My complaint to Trafford Publications concerning the slander and libel contained in the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler November 30, 2011…

Also another commenter here, “anonymous” says ” I understand names were changed and that Joan Wheeler had to get a restraining order to keep her sibs from harassing her. ” – WRONG – you understand WRONG – obviously this anonymous person is a buddy of Joan’s who has been taken in by Joan’s lies – Joan did NOT protect my name – she did call me Brenda in the book – BUT in 1991, she wrote an article called “The Secret is Out” where she did use my full true name – it was published by the British Adoption Quarterly and Joan placed a footnote in the book telling the readers where to go find the original article – Joan scanned the article and placed it on her website, conveniently blacking out my name and my sister’s name AFTER she read my complaint to Trafford (it was originally on her website WITH my name showing) – however the original article is still available. – And Joan gave out her real birth name and my father’s real last name, and MY MOTHER’S REAL FULL NAME. My father worked for the City of Buffalo and had political ties with many Buffalo elected officials – one former City Common Councilmember, and former mayoral candidate SIGNED the memorial book for my father’s second wife in 1964. My father was also in the Buffalo News with his real name for an article about adoption. It doesn’t take much brains to see a dead woman’s full real name, half of her husband’s real last name – with that real last name of Sippel plastered on the front of Joan’s book AND a family portrait of my parents and me and my siblings (minus Joan) plastered on the back of Joan’s book – which was another VIOLATION of the contract she signed with Trafford – Joan was born in 1956, the picture was taken in 1954 or 1955. The contract says that the author has “sole copyright to the work (book) and all its contents” -

I will not sit back and see MY reputation besmirched all over the internet by Joan and her buddies.
Thank you for your time.

Ruth Sippel Pace
Subject: addendum
as to who keeps continuing the drama – ask Joan – in March of this year, on HER facebook – that I cannot see, nor comment on, but a friend of mine views and tells me – to honor OUR DEAD MOTHER on the 58th anniversary of her death (March 28, 1956) Joan writes a little thing to mom, than sticks in a dig against me and my other sisters. And one of her buddies calls me “evil” in a reply. This is you mark the anniversary of the death of your birth mother, using it as a vehicle to slam your sisters and you allow to stand a hateful comment against the other daughters of the dead woman that you claim to love?
And recently on another adoption forum, Joan is busy writing about the effects of adoption on people, and yakkety-yak – THEN says, that because of the death or our mother, her birth sisters have been left with lifelong psychological problems. – um no – I still grieve my mom – every year I go to her grave and take her flowers from my garden. Lifelong psychological problems? When I’ve held down a job for 42 years, am well respected in that job, well respected in the community as a result of my work organizing a block club and have healthy hobbies. Joan on the other hand, went through college to get a social work degree, has never worked a day in her life AS a social worker, yet pads her resume online. In one forum, she says that she IS a social worker, and a suicide prevention counselor then a week later, on
another forum, she says she can’t work because she is on Social Security Disability for her psychological problems, and has threatened suicide herself in the past. (this is true).
As I said above, Joan can write whatever she wants on the internet – but – when she writes about ME or MY FAMILY or references that libelous book – I will answer. I have seen many posts on different forums that Joan has commented on, and because she has NOT said a word about me or misrepresented
my father, I have not commented. Joan complains that I comment on forums – yes – but as I said ONLY when she mentions me or my family in a derogatory way.  I have the right to know what is being said about me in any venue, and I have the right to rebut any lies told about me. My civil rights are not negotiable.

drama, drama, drama – oh yes

it’s also about endless cleaning up your reputation after someone keeps slandering you on the internet, in real life, etc.  I have repeatedly told Joan Wheeler, that if she wants to comment about adoption issues – to go right ahead – I’m not about to stop her – BUT she needs to stop misrepresenting me AND my family. And if she references her now-dead slanderous book, I will remind people WHY the book is dead.  I have repeatedly told Joan that all she has to say is:

“My mother was pregnant with me when she was admitted to hospital in late 1955. Two weeks later, I was born prematurely, my mom was found to have incurable cancer. Three months later she died, leaving behind a husband with four small children, aged 3 to 9 years of age. Due to child care issues, my father relinquished me for adoption. I was adopted to an older couple, they lied to me all my life. It was a private adoption, and my birth aunt knew where I was all my life, but she did not interfere, but I felt she kept the lies going.  When I was 16, my birth aunt did tell my eldest birth sister my adopted name, and a couple of years later, when I was 18, she found me. I was reunited with my birth family in 1974. But my 1980, my reunion with various members of my birth family, both immediate and extended, began to go sour. I don’t associate with my birth siblings.”

There is no need for Joan Wheeler to be going on the internet and telling lies about me – why even in January 2013 – when the husband of a cousin died – Joan was on twitter accusing me of using the man’s death as a way to harass HER. – and I didn’t even know he had died! – I work the night shift, was sleeping, and working a couple of 12 hour shifts – one day I wake up and go to twitter and see that I was a busy person – WHILE I WAS SLEEPING! (damn, I’m good – I can harass people in my sleep!) – I see Joan’s tweets, and I call my cousin Nancy – was there a death in the family? oh yes – so I call Becky – and find out about the death. btw – Joan was tweeting that the father (Dennis) of the widow – doesn’t me around – gosh – when just a few weeks earlier Nancy had gotten 4 phone calls from Becky and Dennis – they didn’t have my number and wanted me to come to a Family Reunion Brunch – to which it was JOAN who was not invited. (I even posted pictures of the Brunch on my facebook). But according to Joan – I’m not wanted.  yes, sigh, endless internet drama – it would stop if Joan Wheeler would please shut up about me.

Subject: facebook
anybody who wishes to come visit my facebook page can do so at: [1]
come and see me with my lifelong psychological problems that Joan says I
have. roflmao!

Gert here again…and this is why we will continue to blog and speak out about Joan Wheeler where ever and how ever we find her!



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