Reclaiming our Family Honor!
Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!
Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!
ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om
“Damaged people damage people.”…. And my brain has been racing ever since — because damaged people don’t have to stay damaged”… David Gerrold
Update June 6, 2013….
I’ve revamped and moved around a few items from this front page to my about page. I have NOT had any updates from WordPress about tallies on ‘likes’ etc, but do know that this blog has, as of this date, over 7,100 views! and that’s since I started this blog in July 2011!
I’m not all that impressed with tallies, the purpose of this blog is after all to right the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family…that is the whole purpose of this blog.
It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler. Our commentary and reporting is our business.
The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.
This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT BORN in 1955 and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.
She’s really hitting the bottom of the barrel, of social-media sites, to get her so-called crusade, to end adoption, heard. For the most part, the people that read and comment on most of the popular social-media sites don’t really give a shit about the story. To them it’s mostly about being able to ‘give’ their opinion, because, in today’s world, there, on news stories, they can. But they do NOT give a shit about any ‘cause’ but only that they are ABLE to voice their opinions. This certainly is neither the best way nor positive way to get ‘your’ message out there.
No one really can get a real clear picture, let alone make any real CHANGE, by reading and commenting on news stories. The place for REAL CHANGE is in the legislature…where they make the laws. But Joan is too ineffectual to pursue those avenues. And, those that are effective are distancing themselves from Joan, the crusader. Joan is mistaken that by ‘educating’ the masses, she can abolish adoption. The masses DON’T WANT TO BE EDUCATED. The masses don’t need Joan to tell them that adoption is wrong and evil. There are too many children in the world that BENEFIT from adoption. In any event…
From Joan’s tweet feed I see that she keeps posting news stories from Yahoo news.
National Adoption Day: 150 Los Angeles foster kids adopted http://news.yahoo.com/video/national-adoption-day-150-los-011624460.html?soc_src=mediacontentsharebuttons … via @YahooNews
Ohio parents turn selves in on abandonment charges http://news.yahoo.com/ohio-parents-turn-selves-abandonment-charges-031738965.html?soc_src=mediacontentstory … via @YahooNews
Finally one day I decide to see what it’s all about. It did NOT take me long to find her! She never wavers or changes her story. She only changes her name…now it is…adopteefedup. How imaginative! Who else, but Joan, would broadcast her ‘fedup…ness’ of being an adoptee!!
Most of her long-winded comments are ‘recycled’ from her, now pulled from publication, that libelous book ‘Forbidden Family’. Also, if you chose to read her comments, take close note at the ever-presence ‘I know more than you’ and the condemning of other people’s knowledge, or lack of such.
Here a couple pulled out to show them in all their glory;
the Registrar of Vital Statistics actually commits perjury (legally because this is adoption)
I know a great deal of this topic as I have been involved in the adoption reform
Do you know exactly what happens in adoption? Do you have life experience being an adoptee
If you have no idea of the legal ramifications behind the paperwork and legal issues surrounding adoption, I suggest you take your uneducated opinions and stuff them in your behind. This is the kind of ignorance society believes
Re-read what I wrote above
Learn the law in all 50 states. I have. That’s why I am spreading the word so people know the truth about adoption. It is people like you who spread ignorance.
Adoptive parents clearly are not in step with current extensive available resources on life-long problems brought on by being adopted.
And so it goes…the great and wonderful wizard of adoption reform Joan Wheeler, now ‘adopteefedup’ has spoken…and oh…ignore that person behind the curtain!!
Here then are the comments of interest on the 150 kids adopted story. Note the numbers are thumbs up/down, some did not show up either, but it’s interesting to note that ‘adopteefedup’ got a lot of thumbs DOWN…you would have to go to the sites to see the correctness of those numbers.
adopteefedup 3 days ago 7 3
People need to re-think this social idea of adopting their own grandchildren. The truth is that the child’s actual place in the family will be changed. Her mother will become her sister, her grandmother will become her mother. All family relationships will be changed legally. Her birth certificate will be sealed – permanently. She will never have the legal right to obtain a certify copy of her real birth certificate again. At the finalization of adoption – a scene we see here – the court judge sends orders to the State’s Vital Statistics office to have a new, amended, birth certificate issued to replace the actual birth certificate. The child is renamed. What people do not know about adoption is that the Registrar of Vital Statistics actually commits perjury (legally because this is adoption) by knowingly creating false facts on a government issued new birth certificate. He then signs the document, and places the State’s raised seal on the new birth certificate thus certifying that the facts on the document are true. They are not. The child named was not born to the parents named. For a factual document, this should be an adoption certificate, but that is not done. Every single adoptee in America is issued a false birth certificate immediately upon finalization of adoption. The better action to do to provide children with parental figures in social care is to provide for legal guardianship. This protects the child’s natural born identity, place in the family, and his right to self determination. We need to stop this practice of sealing adoptees’ birth certificates and stop issuing false birth certificates for every adoptee. This must be on a federal level.
adopteefedup 3 days ago 3 0
Abortion has nothing to do with this topic. … I do not have a problem with grandparents loving and caring for their grandchildren. I did not say this, you did. Grandparents can love and care for their grandchildren without legally adopting them. They can, and many do, obtain legal guardianship for their grandchildren instead of adopting them. As I said, guardianship protects the child’s true place in the family, and, it protects the child’s actual birth certificate. I know a great deal of this topic as I have been involved in the adoption reform community since the 1970s. Do you know exactly what happens in adoption? Do you have life experience being an adoptee banned by law to obtain a birth certificate that the government confiscated purely because of adoption and replaced it with a false document? If you have no idea of the legal ramifications behind the paperwork and legal issues surrounding adoption, I suggest you take your uneducated opinions and stuff them in your behind. This is the kind of ignorance society believes. Glorification of a legal process that strips a child of her birth name and her actual place in a family, or declares strangers as legal parents and states that that child is now born to these strangers, is a form of magical thinking. You may not care what a piece of paper says, but millions of adoptees do. We have been fighting these injustices since 1953 when Jean Paton founded Orphan Voyage and 1973 when Florence Fisher founded Adoptees Liberty Movement Association. There are other national organizations too: The American Adoption Congress, and Americans for Open Records, and Truth and Reconciliation in Adoption (TRIA). We are lobbying around the USA to educate our legislators to unseal our birth certificates and restore our civil rights that were taken from us via state laws enacted in 1930 that sealed our real birth certificates and replaced them with new ones to simulate our rebirths to our new parents. Re-read what I wrote above. Restore adoptees’ civil rights to our sealed and real birth certificates and stop issuing false birth certificates. Issue truthful adoption certificates when a child is adopted. Keep all records open to the parties named on the documents and prevent the general public access to private documents. Open adoptions are social arrangements, not legal ones. Open adoptions are not enforceable and often adoptive parents reject natural parents’ visitation with the children. Open adoption still strips the adoptee of their real birth certificate and replaces it with a new – false – birth certificate. All open adoptions result in permanent sealing of the adoptee’s birth certificate. Open adoption does not mean the records are open. Learn the law in all 50 states. I have. That’s why I am spreading the word so people know the truth about adoption. It is people like you who spread ignorance.
Gert 2 days ago 0 5
this individual is totally anti-adoption…she violated my parental rights when I adopted my son
Sunny 2 days ago 1
Something tells me adopteefedup is having a hard time with just feeling Love. Anger issues need addressing, Geez let it go. Move on and heal. Wishing you comfort and healing
Gert 2 days ago1
adopteefedup spend 30 years writing libelous book against both families and goes on all social medias looking to beat people up who adopt, she wants to get rid of adoption.
And here are the comments of interest on the Ohio parents’ story
layerlee 10 days ago 2 40
Maybe this story will help in discussing how children with mental problems can receive help. When multi-generational families lived together did parents have more help with problem children? Not all children are angels. Some parents lack the resources to deal with extensive problems. The bottom line is that this child may need help and the parents do not have the skills or resources to help. Hopefully, he can be placed in a safe and loving environment before he choses a path of negative actions.
chris m 10 days ago 7 5
Naw. It should help with bad parents being able to adopt. Nothing wrong with this child. Having #$%$ parents, it doesn’t matter the child’s frame of mind.
justme 9 days ago 2
These parents are wealthy and could get the child help.
adopteefedup 9 days ago 11 3
I’m with you, Chris M. A child displaying this type of behavior problems is reacting to abnormal stress. That stress is a combination of stresses: the stress of being adopted, stress of the adoptive parents, stress of a school system unable to cope with larger post adoption issues, stress of growing up not having genetic mirroring, stress of being abandoned at birth, stress of being raised by strangers, stress of wondering about natural parents, stress of what ever else. Why pick on the kid? Adoptive parents clearly are not in step with current extensive available resources on life-long problems brought on by being adopted.
sheliaw 9 days ago 0 10
@chris m We can’t say that nothing is wrong with the child. A child that threatens his family with a knife has problems. I can’t say what I would do with a child that is threatening my life and the lives of my other young children as well. It is an impossible situation. How do protect a child from someone in their home? You can’t watch them all the time.
dreamweaver 9 days ago 0 4
You take them to a child psychiatrist and start testing. Adopteefedup doesn’t know what the problem is, no one does yet. Our neighbor send his son to military school to straighten him out, and several months later he was found to have a brain tumor that affected his behavior. His parents have yet to
CK3 9 days ago 4
Perhaps it’s not the adopted parents. It’s a proven fact that mental disorders are genetic.
Gert 2 days ago 0 0
adopteefedup knows what she’s talking about…that’s why she is against adoption BUT she neglects to tell everyone about her own negative behaviors to family…like a libelous book, violating my parental rights when I adopted my son, and other behavioral issues.If she is stressed is needs to get off beating people up over adoption
Gert 2 days ago 0 0
to CK3 in the case of our family the only one that displays any form of mental disorders is adopteefedup…she was adopted due to the death of our mother and she obviously had some serious issues in her childhood.
end of comments…
And so ‘adopteefedup’ lives another day to fight another battle…will SOMEONE please do something…
Yep, Joan Wheeler, in all her aliases, really ought to just shut her mouth, via her keyboard. NO ONE wants to hear her shit anymore!
So I note the following from Joan’s tweeter feed…yes, I look at it, as I’m sure she looks at mine. I also see similar blog posts/news stories from other sources.
10 Things Open Adoption Opened Me To … http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/10-things-open-adoption-opened-me-to/ …
NOW a bit of ‘background’…I recently had my own family’s adoption story published on October 29, 2013…
I also had several comments on Claudia’s story published November 14, 2013 here…
Here is the link, to the blog post that Joan commented on.
NOW I KNOW THAT I SAW, the following comment of Joan’s, on the web page but then when I went to get further information, for this blog post, her comment was no longer there! How interesting! Perhaps my computer is failing to see this comment, and so, I ask if ANYONE does see this comment, on this blog post, please bring it to my attention…thanks.
But I’m going on that the ‘pro-open-adoption’ folks took Joan’s comment off. Why would these ‘pro-adoption’ folks keep her comment up? They wouldn’t. To Joan the only thing that would satisfy her is if adoption was outlawed totally. Not going to happen! So why doesn’t she just go away?
Joan M Wheeler November 13.
Let’s just be done with adoption. Close this book. Abolish adoption for the sake of all mothers, fathers, and their children who are in some crisis that others may claim warrant permanent separation. Adoption is destructive. Period.
Need I say more??
Over time I have found various media avenues that offer different view-points on the same topic; adoption for instance. Each media has much to offer us, even if we may not always see ‘eye to eye’. Agreement is always NOT what you are looking for. Sometimes just putting yourself ‘out there’ does more for you than fighting to change another’s view point.
I have a blog, a facebook account, a twitter account and an email account. There are ‘networking’ and ‘discussions’ within those as well. There are millions of them! So why not use them? Others do!
I recently noticed a blog post and left a comment on it. These people do good work! And, seeing that it promotes adoption I thought that they would be interested in ‘seeing’ my recent guest post on ‘Portrait of an adoption’ on Chicagonow.com
The Adoption Social is a ‘network’ for and about adoptions. They have a ‘weekly adoption shout out’ where they highlight various items of interests. Their tweeter account is @AdoptionSocial They may have a facebook account as well. In any event…here’s the link and my comment.
yes comments are very important but ALSO are the ‘hit’s or ‘looks’ that your blog or posts receive.
and when you are fortunate to get a ‘guest’ post those comments are all the more meaningful.
I recently had a guest post…please take a look… and thank you for all you do!
Just saw the following and must tell the TRUTH because Joan is incapable of doing so…
My ONLY intent is to make sure that Joan Wheeler-Bell (that’s her married name and the name her children have) tells the truth of/and when it concerns MY FAMILY.
see a concise presentation here…http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption/2013/10/adoption-reunification-when-it-doesnt-work-out/
If Joan where to ACCEPT her condition of life she might have a better life…but she loves to suffer and she loves to tell everyone how much she is suffering. The TRUTH could set her free!
My blog and Ruth’s blog have ample posts that spell out the truth…it is only Joan that continues to spin her tale of woe and pain and untruths. Every time Joan speaks falsehoods we will expose them. I am going to pull out sentences from her comment to show the lies…and present my own comments. Her entire comment follows that.
JW said: I want to share that yes, I am still hurt by what others say about adoption. Beyond the hurt are the truths that are ignored.
Gert says: yes Joan does ignore the truth! She is in love with her version and refuses to accept realities.
JW said: they inflict those words onto me. I correct them.
Gert says: INFLICT!! So people are NOW inflicting harming words to her! And of course, she MUST correct them…but of course.
JW said: These two people are my social parents. They are my legal parents, but the two people who sired and gave birth to me are my parents.
Gert says: Now that’s a NEW TERM… ‘social parents’ WHERE did she dig that one up from? Joan really needs to NAME the CRIME that those parents did to her…the truth will set her free. Everything that Joan writes clearly shows that she had been abused by the adoptive parents…oh excuse me…the social parents.
JW said: with boots on the ground, I can tell you that people receiving my words are truly shocked into reality
Gert says: Joan has gotten some new language! ‘boots on the ground’…that’s military jargon! One thing that Joan really ought to do is GET OFF THE BATTLEFIELD, because she can’t take the heat of battle and she is setting her cause back with her constant tales of woe and falsehoods. If she wants to be believe her versions than she ought to NOT have family members in the way telling the truths that she ‘conveniently’ misconstrues. Joan LOVES to SHOCK people!
JW said: “I’m so sorry for your loss. How tragic
Gert says: and she LOVES to get sympathy…she craves it, looks for it!
JW said: And so is the punishment I received: removal from my family of birth because my father was too poor to keep me.
Gert says: Oh more NEW terms…now she has received PUNISHMENT! Yep she’s into those whips and chains again!
NEWFLASH…our father was NOT poor! He held a city-government job…before she was born and well into the 1980s when he retired as a ‘civil-engineer’. We’ve been all over this before. Joan is spinning tales her adoptive parents told her…she knows the truth but is willfully speaking falsehoods. And what did she do when she had her birth family?
JW said: Catholic priest so compassionately reminded my father at my mother’s funeral that “the baby needs two parents” that my devout Catholic father followed exactly what his parish priest suggested. My grieving father relinquished his youngest child to a closed adoption because that was a better solution, better than asking for help to keep his family together, better than having his second wife take care of all of his children while he went to work.
Gert says: and another hard-on that Joan has…against the Church. And again…it was his second wife that REFUSE JOAN, as an infant…LONG BEFORE SHE WAS BORN. My father knew that when his wife died, that the child would also die and go into ADOPTION…BECAUSE the woman who agreed to the marriage of convenience would NOT TAKE THE INFANT. This had NOTHING to do with the Church…it was the second wife who REFUSED the infant.
JW said: It must have killed him to come home each day to his older children, filled with grief and despair. He had kept his family together by getting married very soon after his first wife’s death, but at the cost of giving up his newborn daughter, a choice he told me decades later that he regretted.
Gert says: Here she goes again…in her omnipresence…she KNOWS what was in another’s mind and heart! What a fucking fool she is! He could NOT have told Joan he regretted the decision he made BECAUSE he had NO CHOICE AT THE TIME. Joan just loves to make the reality fit into her fantasies.
JW said: then I tell them what adoption did to me. My broken families are not the only truth I hit them with. I slam them with the truth that my real birth certificate is sealed and that every single adoptee in America is issued a falsified birth certificate.
Gert says: Joan ‘hits’ and ‘slams’ her points to anyone who she talks to! Nice! Why isn’t she in front of the law-makers who can do anything about this? She doesn’t have the skills, she only can browbeat and hit and slam people.
JW said: Just in a rush today.
Gert says: Gee, Joan why don’t you stop rushing around and give it your all…
I’m going to attempt to place a link to this post on the following blog but it will probably not be accepted…
I placed this comment…let’s see if he accepts it.
just to let you know that I blogged about the untruths in Joan’s comment…the following is the tweeter link to my new blog post. You are entitled to your views and I have nothing to comment about them, but…when it is about MY FAMILY I must speak out…and tell the truth.
Joan Wheeler is at it again…spinning her tales of lies! http://wp.me/p1J3K6-Rz
I think that when people, the general public, adoptive parents in particular, call an adoptee’s other mother a “birthmother” this negates what she truly is: that adoptee’s mother. Having said that, I want to share that yes, I am still hurt by what others say about adoption. Beyond the hurt are the truths that are ignored. People continually use the words they hear in conversation, they inflict those words onto me. I correct them. No, I say, I do not have a “birthmother” or a “first mother”. My MOTHER died when I was an infant, I tell them. My MOTHER was replaced by another woman. And my FATHER was replaced by another man. These two people became my adoptive parents, and as such, they are the ones who deserve the adjective in front of the words “mother”, “father” and “parents”. These two people are my social parents. They are my legal parents, but the two people who sired and gave birth to me are my parents. Period. When I approach the topic in this way, in one-on-one conversation, with boots on the ground, I can tell you that people receiving my words are truly shocked into reality: this woman’s MOTHER died and that’s why she was adopted. The expressions on their faces tells me that they understand. They then say to me, “I’m so sorry for your loss. How tragic.” Yes. The death of my mother is tragic. And so is the punishment I received: removal from my family of birth because my father was too poor to keep me. And let me add another variable into the larger discourse: religion. A Catholic priest so compassionately reminded my father at my mother’s funeral that “the baby needs two parents” that my devout Catholic father followed exactly what his parish priest suggested. My grieving father relinquished his youngest child to a closed adoption because that was a better solution, better than asking for help to keep his family together, better than having his second wife take care of all of his children while he went to work. It must have killed him to come home each day to his older children, filled with grief and despair. He had kept his family together by getting married very soon after his first wife’s death, but at the cost of giving up his newborn daughter, a choice he told me decades later that he regretted. So, when people tell me their joys of adoption, I am hurt. And then I tell them what adoption did to me. My broken families are not the only truth I hit them with. I slam them with the truth that my real birth certificate is sealed and that every single adoptee in America is issued a falsified birth certificate. People are just not aware. … sorry for rambling. Just in a rush today.
NO one pays any attention to anyone who keeps CRYING WOLF. Joan would do better to just disappear. But…since she chooses to speak, ill and falsehoods! …
She OUTED her birth sisters, lied about them and threaten them, on the internet, in December 2009; even earlier! Why?
Because she MUST silence us because we are a threat to her! Why are we a threat? Because we expose Joan’s lies. Funny thing is, she can’t silence us even tho she continues to try! Joan Wheeler has always been paranoid and deranged, but…when the birth family found out that she published a hate-filled lying book about us, she really became UNGLUED! and she hasn’t been put together since and never will be! She needs to get OUT of the adoption reform business because she’s a NO BODY and she is making a laughing stock of herself!
She really ought to forget about any ’2nd edition’ of that libelous book! She still believes that one can have a 2nd edition of a book that has been pulled from publication. Is this woman nuts or what! If she SOME HOW was able to pull that off, it wouldn’t be too long before we find out about it, and, we will just buy the stupid book and start all over again…in the meanwhile…
Ruth and I recently made public comments on a NPR news article, but this post is not about that. For reference sake here are the links (the news article and my blog post about it)
Joan Wheeler, angry adoptee, is a glutton for punishment, she seeks it out! Then whines when she’s called-out! on November 5, 2013
Now immediately, on that article, when I posted a comment, Joan SCREAMED personal attacks. NONSENSE! She seems to FORGET that she STILL has active personal ATTACKS against us, on her web site, as well as a boy-friend/henceman’s blog against us. Joan Wheeler really ought to pull her head out of her ass!
I had planned on working up the following some time ago, but having other things to do with my life, this ‘got away’ from me. But…as they say…‘it’s all in the timing’! And Karma has a way of biting you in the ass!
Over time, because of our EXPOSING Joan’s active hate against us, she has unwillingly, I’m sure, removed many references to us. She has altered her list of ‘blogs’ and gravitars and links DUE to our pressuring her to stop. But, she hides things, deep, and she’s sneaky. And, as fair warning…I shall, over time, expose each and every blog post on her forbiddenfamily site that speaks falsely and negatively upon the birth family!
Of the following blog posts, of Joan’s, that I wish to SHOW and EXPOSE, the one dated Dec 7, 2009 IS STILL on her blog. The blog is suppose to be about adoption reform not about her hate and rage and lies about birth siblings! So please tell me…why, does she still have this hate and venom against us up??!! Answers; Because she is deranged! Because she thinks NO ONE is paying attention to the fact that it still is there!
The post dated Dec 10, 2009 has been removed…because we KEPT exposing it; just like other hate-speech against us, via Joan and her various henchmen. Joan REMOVED it BECAUSE of the court actions (2013) that Ruth had to take against Joan for calling in false accusations to Ruth’s employee. Joan outed all of us out on the internet, as noted here! Once Joan was made aware, via lawyers, in 2013, that we do indeed have evidence directly from Joan’s web page, Joan removed it (this Dec 10, 2009 post) which names Ruth’s employer, violating privacy.)
Joan ALSO was informed, by lawyers, of our brother’s family…to remove her hate blogs in her listings of her ‘other’ blogs, when she lists OUR brother! Yes, Joan Wheeler is known and NOT LOVED in the birth family.
Over the past 4 (FOUR) years we have been able to get her to remove many references to us on that Forbidden Family web site and other sneaky things she did…but…that didn’t mean that she STOPPED everything. No, she recycled much of her deranged rantings into the cyberbullying site that she created, which is still UP. And, she STILL has the following on her ‘adoption reform’ web site. There is NO REFORM measures in this deranged, hate speech against family!
I request that those that are AGAINST such bullying measures and hate speech to leave comments on her sites requesting the removal of these posts.
Many in the adoption reform movement and/or those that have been Joan’s victims, and/or have seen how she becomes unglued, have distanced themselves from her. She has shown, time and time again, that she uses, abuses and then throws away many, once they have no use to her.
In the following two posts from Joan’s website, you will see, besides ranting and paranoid thinking, the many delusions of greatness that Joan BELIEVED were in the cards for her. But, by gods, her birth siblings were going to RUIN IT ALL FOR HER and so she OUTED them, lied about them to all manner of her friends! She created tall tales about fictious situations as her rants increased telling her ‘friends’ that we siblings have ‘secrets’. And those friends then added their own threats to ‘expose’ our secrets. Nice gal she is! Nice friends she has! Problem is…there are NO SECRETS that can be exposed! That’s purely a bullying technique that Joan and her friends use.
For reference sake here are links to Joan’s hate-blogs:
Here are links to some of Ruth’s and my posts, placed on Ruth’s blog, as I had not my own blog at the time, where I rebuttal these statements and more, that Joan recycled into that cyberbullyingstalker site.
Why is Joan Wheeler scared to have her sisters see her cyber-bullying page? Joan, you’re not afraid of the truth, are you? oh – just afraid of us seeing more of your lies.October 9, 2010
New information, placed by Joan Wheeler, on the Forbidden Family web site, dated or updated early November 2010. –then cowardly removed with no explanation or apology around November 22. November 24, 2010
The new and (not so necessarily) improved blog of Joan Wheeler. part one.November 30, 2010
The new and (not so necessarily) improved blog of Joan Wheeler. part twoDecember 1, 2010
The new and (not so necessarily) improved blog by Joan Wheeler. part 3December 2, 2010
GETTING BACK to the TWO posts in question. As you read these posts, you will see how she is TALKING, via her keyboard, to her birthsiblings. You will note that she really believes that each one of us three are actually IN FRONT of her, like a small child, and she, as BIG MOMMIE, is telling us what we will or will not do or think! She asserts that she KNOWS what is and was in each one of our individual minds, hearts and lives…even when the three of us haven’t laid eyes on Joan in decades!
And remember that Joan Wheeler SCREAMS personal attacks to her, via us the birthsiblings! Joan is using one of her screen names...legitimatebastard. Her words are in italics… do I really have to show her derangement?
Abusers are Warned to Stay Away On December 7, 2009, in Uncategorized, by legitimatebastard
There are specific members of both my adoptive family and my natural family who have been warned to stay away from me: do not view or access my website. Do not show up to any book signings or lectures that I do. Do not deface any of my books that will be in book stores. Do not come to my house. Do not come to my church or mail letters there. Do not email me. Do not send me letters in the mail. Do not call me or talk other relatives to giving you my unlisted phone number. Stop your harassing and slanderous public attacks upon my personal reputation and my professional reputation. You have hurt me enough over the course of three decades. Stop. You don’t have to like what I do, but you do have to leave me alone. I am not bothering you. I do not have your unlisted phone numbers, nor do I know where you live, except for one person in Buffalo: I do know where you live and I have not contacted you in any way. You, however, are using your employer’s computers to access my website. You are using many IP addresses in Buffalo to bother me by reading my website. We saw each other in 2003 when our brother died. You started up again and I told you to stop. Stop. No contact means no contact. Forever.
The one in Watertown: nice try a few years ago to have our step mother make the call so you and I could talk. I know what you were fishing for and it ain’t gonna happen. You did what you did to blatantly hurt me, my children, my now ex-husband, and my adoptive mother, especially on the night her husband, my adoptive father, died. You have no respect for our lives. Your nice letter orchestrated with the other Sippel sisters in 1993 to “Throw me out of the family” really showed you cared. You abused me in ways that no human should be abused. Especially not a youngest sister who was vulnerable, even at age 18 and 20. I was emotionally devastated by the shock of my reunion and the aftermath your phone call did to my parents and to me. None of you cared what damage you caused. You had your chance to patch our relationships, but you blew it. You and the others are not trustworthy. Stay out of my life. If we see each other when our father and step mother dies, so be it. We share a father and a step mother. When that time comes, behave yourself. That goes for the other two sisters, too. Beyond that, you have been and are now, again, told to stay away from me for the duration of your lifetime.
To the sister in Liverpool, England, better stay away from me for the duration of your lifetime. The last time I saw your face was the last time I was in Liverpool: Christmas 1979. You treated me like crap, going hysterical on me, because I look like THEM. Of course I do! We have the same parents! Whatever you have in your mind that I have tried to throw you out of England, I have no idea what you tell people. You destroyed friendships and Cliff Hall from Thye Liverpool Spinners DIED without hearing from me how much he and his family meant to me on my two trips to Liverpool. Same thing with Chris and Hughie Jones. Same thing with Mick Groves and Tony Davis and Jacquie and Jack Owen. You sure do have a big mouth accusing me of doing things to you when I have had no contact with you since our phone converstation at Christmas of 1988.
First you ask me to come to Liverpool, I plan it for two months, then, you call me hysterically and tell me that if I show up I will ruin The Spinners’ last concert for you. I stayed in Buffalo because you didn’t want me. I did not ever contact you again. But you called me, my children, my ex-husband, and yelled horrible statements at me for years. You are ordered to stay away from my website and any book signings and lectures I may do in England or Scotland. You are not welcome in my life — ever.
To the sister in Buffalo: stay away from me for the duration of your lifetime. When our father and our step mother get sick and die, other trusted family members will call me. You are not wanted in my life in any way, in any form. You have been told this a million times over the course of decades. Go away and stay away from me and my children. And do not even THINK of showing up at my adoptive mother’s funeral. You swine! You threatened her! You charged her with child abuse of her grandchildren! You violated an Order of Protection that I had out on you when you showed up at my house in 1993 when my husband and I were moving out of our marrital residence and into separate residences because I was divorcing him. I nver had a sexual or emotional affair with your boyfriend/husband! How dare you accuse me of such trash! And you kept it up for years, invading wherever I moved, calling me, calling my adoptive mother. Leave me and my family alone. Get out of my life! Do not contact any of my adoption reform friends. You are pressing your luck and offending people. Even me writing this post is offensive. I want nothing to do with my three sisters because of the separate and collective effort to malicioulsy hurt me. make fun of me. Put me down. Now, I have acheived my life goal: I would have been happy writtiing about all the fun and exciting things we did, like the Star Trek Convention. But the three of you just would not let up.
I write an article in the paper against sperm donation and you blame me and accuse me of attacking you. Keep your screwy nonsense to yourself. I do not want you in my life at all. The last time you were told this in person was at our father’s 80th birthday. I out up with your antagonistic attitudes for the party for the father we share, but I warned you then, and the fact that you are back, over and over again, means that I must, again, waste my time in securing law enforcement to keep you and the other Sippel sisters away from me.
To my three full blood sisters: STAY OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER. The three of you are not the focus of my reunion, nor are you the focus of my life. You are simply not as important in my life as you seem to think you are. My adoption and reunion with natural blood kin involve other people and my relationships with them. My book is largely about me: it is my memoir, my social work assessment of my adoption, and, my ivestigations into adoption law and statistics, and, my professional suggestions for change. Harasment from my sisters and from other relatives plays a part in my development, but this is but a part of the whole. Other relatives are suspects in Buffalo and surrounding area. I have said this before to you many times: stay away from me, my website, and anything I do. Harassers, stalkers, cyber bullies, and abusers in general are not wanted in my life. The few relatives who are kind and considerate, who have never hurt me, who have never hurt my children or my ex husband, or who have not hurt my adoptive mother, you know who you are. You are welcome in my life.
Sorry that my varied readership — England, Ireland, Scotland, Australia, Europe, Canada, New Zealand, Indonesia, Honolulu, India, Italy, Greece, Egypt, parts of Africa and all over the United States, Mexico, and South America — I am sorry to put warnings on my site. I am sorry to stoop down to my abusers’ level with this rambling tirad. All people are welcome here. Especially other adoption reformers from around the world. Specific people who have abused me and my children and my adoptive mother and my ex-husband were told many times over decades of abuse to get out of my life forever. Their input into my life and my adoption reform is not wanted, not needed, and is intrusive. By accessing my website, and other websites of adoption reformers, you are causing me, and my adoption reform friends, great distress. Go away. You were never interested in my adoption work. You mocked me and ridiculed me. You sent me hate mail, some from known senders and some from anonymous senders, but all of you were and are family members. Now you even have your full names in blogs to ridicule me by my name. You are in your late 50s and early 60s, but you do not act like adults. Get out of my life.
Comment Moderation is Now Turned Off
AND THEN THIS one, dated December 10, 2009, has been removed from Forbidden Family, but REMAINS forever here.
On December 10, 2009, in Adoption Psychology, Family Systems, by legitimatebastard …. No comment on comment moderation.
IPs are no longer being tracked. Kaleidahealth.org and Buffalo General Hosptial employee Ruth Sippel Pace has made it her business to attract public attention. It seems that she wants it that way. She and sister Kathy Sippel Inglis from Liverpool, UK want to humilate me. Funny thing, our oldest sister, Gertrude Sippel Finken McQueen, has somehow backed off. Wonder why. Keep at it and I will publish online the real reasons you keep doing what you do. Freedom of speech, right? Want to do trash talk? I’ll give you trash talk of all the dirty little secrets all three of you have that are not in my book. And, why did I bother to change names in the book? I was thinking of all of YOUR privacy, but heh, guess it is time to use real names because Ruthie decided to jump the gun.
You have invaded my life time and time again. Go ahead. You want to know you have hurt me, well, you have. Repeatedly. I am worth nothing. You have proven that. I give my deep and humble bow to the authority of my older and wiser sisters. I am paying for this website, but it is yours now. Do with it as you please. I will continue to pay for any abuse you fling my way.
Reunions are not bad. Adoptees are not bad. But when they are found by sisters who have no respect for others, then there is a big problem. Anyone who wants to read more abuse, please read the Page: Cyber Bullies and Stalkers Forum. Go to it. I’m just a lousy, good for nothing, adoptee, born a premie, should have died because then the four older kids would have had your mother. Baby sister is just a shit head. Involve yourselves some more in my life. Go ahead. Kill any chance of a life for me. You’ve been doing that for decades.
end…of Joan’s rants, on these two posts…
DOES ANY ONE STILL BELIEVE THAT JOAN WHEELER IS SANE? end of this blog post
lie #1: “The last time you were told this in person was at our father’s 80th birthday. I out up with your antagonistic attitudes for the party for the father we share, but I warned you then”
no, we never spoke to each other at the party. When she was leaving, she turned to me as she was going out the door and said “Ruth, we need to talk.” I was sitting on the couch with my stepmother. We both looked at each and rolled our eyes. We said nothing to Joan. I didn’t even look back at her. Let’s see – who was at the party. – my father, who is now deceased. My stepmother. My two stepsisters, their husbands, their kids (5 in all) a few of the kids friends – I think maybe 4. Count them up: 5 adults that are still alive, and about 9 kids – ranging in ages 10 – 17. They are witnesses that Joan did NOT warn me about anything. They are witnesses that Joan and I did NOT speak.
lie #2: “You violated an Order of Protection that I had out on you when you showed up at my house in 1993″
nope – she moved out of the house on Saturday, July 31, 1993. We didn’t even get to court until August 9, 1993. And it was then the judge handed down the order of protection (over annoyance phone calls that I placed because I was pissed at Joan’s STEALING HUNDREDS OF $$$ FROM ME). Joan says in her book that the date I came to her house was August 1, 1993. I have posted on my blog a scan of the actual order of protection and the date it went into effect was August 9, 1993 and it expired February 9, 1994. It was for six months, yet Joan reports it as being for one year.lie #3: “You charged her (her mother) with child abuse of her grandchildren!”wrong – Joan herself placed the child abuse call posing as me. The call was that I was turning in my own fiance for having sex with Joan and her mother liked to watch. or something like that. Joan then wrote to the Department of Social Services in Albany NY and told them on August 9, 1993 that I was sentanced to six months probation. – wrong – it was the afore-mentioned order of protection that I was sentance to NOT probation. at least she got the date correct in her stupid lying letterlie #4:
“I nver had a sexual or emotional affair with your boyfriend/husband! How dare you accuse me of such trash!”
Joan likes to spread that around that I accused her of having an affair with John. Nope, I never said that. However, Joan wrote a letter to John in March 1995, sending it to his mother’s house and asked him if he was leaving me. (copy of this letter and envelope, in Joan’s handwriting is posted on my blog) — Also in 1999, she sent me a letter stating that John got the next door neighbor pregnant. and the house was vacant! Trash? oh, yes, there is a LOT of trash coming out of Joan’s mouth!
She’s needs to LET GO of her anger; it’s eating her up! Joan Wheeler needs to stop telling lies/fabrications about her adoption & her exploitation of our family! She really needs to stop! No one pays any attention to her! Everyone, except her fellow angry adoptees (some of which don’t listen to her), have seen what Joan is….a freaking idiot! She is NOT changing anything in the world of adoption. What Joan Wheeler needs to do is get rid of her hate/slander pages/websites against the birth sibling! Simple! We have been saying this now for over four years!
Joan Wheeler NEEDS to name the REAL cause of her hatred against adoption….name the abusers…her ADOPTIVE PARENT/FAMILY…whoever it is…she needs to name them and stop blaming her lousy life on adoption and the birth siblings! Joan Wheeler hates adoption BECAUSE she was abused by the adoptive parents/family. Until she acknowledges that and puts that blame where it belongs and stop telling lies about the truth of the situations ie. the birth family, she will always be a freaking ‘hurting unit’.
I thought Joan was getting married and moving to New Mexico. She sure told everyone about it. What happened? Don’t know! But, of late, she sure has a lot of time on her hands. I’m guessing she is MAN-LESS again! She has been spending a lot of time sharing all kinds of ‘horrific’ news stories from yahoo…she really likes the bizarre shit. Then…because she brags about what she is doing…I found her lying and fabricating AGAIN.
Recently there was a NPR radio show and subsequent on-line discussion. The following is the link:
BECAUSE Joan Wheeler has to tell the entire world what she is doing…Ruth and I checked it out. Joan is using her ‘forbiddenfamily’ name! I am NOT including each and every comment that forbiddenfamily had, only one. There was a second comment of Joan’s, which is too long to include here, that I responded to. If you are interested all you have to do is go to the site and find the ‘full’ reference.
What I want to show here is Joan’s instant HATE towards blood relatives! Her contempt, venom, paranoia, her reluctance and refusal to allow another’s views, her dismissals, her view that ANYTHING that the birth siblings have to say are ATTACKS upon her. Her ‘instant’ appeal to moderators to stop the ‘perceived’ attacks! And more!
Read it for yourselves! Then at the end of only SIX (6) comments that Ruth and I wrote I have another statement or two.
The following comment ‘exchange’ occurred on Nov 4, 2013
They could have raised him by not adopting him. His grandparents could have been legal guardians. That would have been telling the truth. Taking care of each other with the complete truth told would have freed his mother to be his mother, freed the baby to be who he was born to be, and freed the care-giving grandparents to raise their grandchild without guilt and secrets. Tricking someone to believe a falsehood is cruel – especially since that falsehood concerns misleading that child all of his young life to believe something so convoluted that even adults have difficulty comprehending these relationships.
one’s personal ‘wish’ doesn’t always come true…NOT all grandparents are available, NOT all guardianship circumstances are available, SOMETIMES adoption is the only answer…www.gertmcqueen.wordpress.com
There she goes again, making anything I say about my own adoption a reason for her to attack me. This is not the place for personal attacks. Soon, the other sister will be on here. Where are the Moderators for this NPR comment section? I in no way attacked you personally. Gert, stay out of my life. I am not talking about wishes. You are manipulative. You believe that adoption was a good thing in our family. No, it destroyed our family. You have no social work background, I do. I am the adoptee. All I ever did was to defend our rights to stay together as a family. You attack me every chance you get.
no one is attacking anyone. and I am here. Our family was not destroyed by adoption but by the death of our mother. Then Dad’s second wife death. We had a failed reunion due to conflicts as adults. I was 22 when that reunion occurred, I have been here since this am – and have every right to be on any website – as someone who has been touched by adoption, I am interested in the subject. Just because someone has a differing opinion, does not automatically mean an attack. And as strange as it may seem to you, I am actually in agreement that THIS particular story (about the man raised thinking his mom was his sister) is heartbreaking.
One does not need a social work background to comment on adoption or any other story.
Why does someone just hate the fact that others have minds and mouths to speak those minds on any venue that is open to them. Obviously, the idea and the institution of adoption is hated by you so much that others must be silenced. And since your own family reminds you of the fact that you were adopted, you attempt to silence us everywhere, even when no “attack” was intended or carried out.
there is NEVER a one-solution answer to ALL situations, to learn more about the truth behind what REALLY happened…see my guest post http://www.chicagonow.com/port…and my blog http://gertmcqueen.wordpress.c…
Personal attacks again.
excuse me! no one lives in a vacuum! I present the other side so others are able to EXAM the entire story for themselves, that is what ‘discussion’ is all about
End of comments….
AND now…direct from Joan Wheeler’s web site… www.forbiddenfamily.net/
We have, just the beginning…of a long hate post against us…I shall be addressing this in at another time.
On December 7, 2009, in Uncategorized, by legitimatebastard
There are specific members of both my adoptive family and my natural family who have been warned to stay away from me:
DID YOU GET THAT DATE…2009 AND THAT ATTACK IS STILL UP THERE! And Joan Wheeler has the gall to say we are attacking her!
THEN…there still is Joan’s cyberbullying page cyberbulliesstalkers.blogspot.com/
And Brian Maloney’s hate page defendingjoanwheeler.blogspot.com
Until all these sites and references are REMOVED Joan Wheeler can is consider to be STILL activity ENGAGING in cyber-bullying and character assassination attacks against her birth siblings.
and it goes on and on…
and speaking of attacks: Joan Wheeler actively engages in attacks on ME! A year ago, November 2012, I visited amazon.com – on my home computer in my home. I work the night shift – 7pm to 7am. On my nights off, I keep that same schedule. I go to bed at 6 or 7am. so if I’m posting somewhere on the internet at 4am, does not automatically mean I’m at work. BUT Joan, in a repeat of what she did to me in 1994-95, in trying to attack me and get me fired from my job – writes a letter to my job, accusing me of computer fraud and misuse. The letter arrived just after Thanksgiving, 2012. I wasn’t told about it until January 2013. In the meanwhile, my employer’s computer security team investigated me, and EXONERATED ME. However, Joan, in her stupidity, goes on the internet (Huffington.com) and admits to being the one who sent the letter. I immediately charged her with harassment. After several delays – we finally battled it out in court on July 23, 2013. Unfortunatly, the judge, as with so many other court officials, pooh-poohed the severity of my enduring 25 years of harassment from my own sister. They have the mindset that sister’s should get along. They have their heads up their asses and this is why some bullies get away with their shit year after year. We are all aware that mentally ill people have more rights then the rest of us, and my harassment charge was dismissed. But Joan LIED on the stand and I detail those lies in this post: “Joan Wheeler perjures herself TWICE on the stand today, July 23, 2013.” http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2013/07/23/joan-wheeler-perjures-herself-twice-on-the-stand-today-july-23-2013/ Now, a week before we went for that final court date, I was “followed” on facebook by a Thomas Heath – who after I investigated him, and outed him, UNfollowed and blocked me. Tom is the husband of a former cow-worker, Laura Heath, with whom I had a small spat with back in May 2010. Laura, being the little idiot that she is, runs immediately to Joan’s facebook page and becomes facebook friends with. Never mind that she never met Joan, and only knew of her thru my bitching about her and her now-dead lying book. (“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”) In three years, I had barely thought of Laura, then all of a sudden her husband comes into my life – just a week before Joan and I go to court? And there’s evidence on Joan’s facebook page that Laura and Joan are planning on going out for coffee?
So when Joan herself is not actively attacking us, she lies to other people, whines to them, shed tears, that her rotten birth sisters, Ruth in particular, is HARASSING HER. And these stupid brainless people just melt at the sight of Joan’s tears and willingly go along with harassing me.
Brian Maloney for one. Actually threatens on HIS attack blog against us, to expose a dark dirty secret that I have. When he did that, I filed an extension harassment charge, in conjunction to the one I had going against Joan, but the judge (the same one who has been overseeing the case since January 2013) said that Joan was not responsible for Brian’s action and that I could pursue criminal charges against Brian on his own actions. When I informed Brian of this, via my blog, I told him that I will not be held to emotional blackmail and that if he knows my dark dirty secret to spit it out. BUT I warned him – the police and the courts will not look kindly on a strange man telling a woman’s secrets on the internet. What those secrets are, I don’t know. I don’t have any. Brian is a stranger to me because he never met me, nor spoken to me face-to-face, and relys only on Joan’s lies about me. And this my friends, is a continuing ATTACK of Joan – against me. Lies to a strange man and tells him Ruth’s “secrets” and then Ruth gets threathened with blackmail. Cries to Laura that Ruth is taking her to court and all of a sudden, Laura’s husband gets involved in Ruth’s life. Never mind that Ruth has never met Laura’s husband. see my blog post “I am outing Thomas D. Heath and Laura J. Stickney-Heath as stalkers and troublemakers.” http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/i-am-outing-thomas-d-heath-and-laura-j-stickney-heath-as-stalkers-and-troublemakers/
I’ve also been in facebook contact with Laura’s biological daughter, (a Native American) that she had before she married Tom. Tom adopted this girl when she was 4 years old. At the age of 7, Laura put her in a foster home. She herself had a daughter, and Laura got custody of that little girl, who Laura is now raising, keeping her away from the child’s real bio-mom, and is passing her off as her daughter, not her grand-daughter. And Joan is going out to coffee with Laura, plotting with Laura to attack Ruth, but Laura is doing the very same thing that Joan is speaking out against in this NPR article – people adopting their grandchildren and passing them off as their own children. AND Tom and Laura did the same thing that Gert and her second husband did – ADOPTED the stepchild/bio-child. Why does Joan condemn Gert for that in her book, but actively hangs out with Laura and Tom? Because we see that even Joan’s zealous hatred of anything regarding adoption and child trafficking goes out the window when it comes to attacking Ruth. HYPOCRITE – if you’re against adoption – then be against it – ALL THE WAY!
ps – how I got in contact with Laura’s daughter – because Laura and Tom are keeping J.’s daughter away from her – J. routinely googles Laura and Tom’s name – J. lives in another state and doesn’t even know where her 13 year old daughter lives. She came upon my blogpost two weeks ago, and sent me a facebook friend request. But I knew about J. three years ago – from J.’s myspace page – where she putting out messages – looking for her daughter.
How could you Joan, how could you? Be active friends with a woman (Laura) who keeps a child away from her own bio-mom? Isn’t that the crux of your hatred of adoption? ISN’T IT?
Please see my companion post to this post “Joan Wheeler condemns people who adopt their grandchildren and raises them as their own children, yet stays good buddies with a woman who did exactly that.” http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2013/11/05/joan-wheeler-condemns-people-who-adopt-their-grandchildren-and-raises-them-as-their-own-children-yet-stays-good-buddies-with-a-woman-who-did-exactly-that/
It contains my comment above, plus additional info that proves that Joan’s hatred of adoption goes out the window when it comes to attacking me. She’d rather compromise her biggest pet peeve (hatred of adoption) and be bedfellows with a woman who’s husband adopted her daughter, and now is raising her own bio-grand daughter, but passing her off as her own child. LYING to the child. But Joan isn’t condemning her. WHY NOT? Because she’s using this woman and her husband to attack me. I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again – Joan Wheeler is nothing but a hypocrite. I speak truth here – I was contacted by Laura’s daughter (who found me via my blog) and I saw her amended birth certificate on facebook.
I admit it! I lied about not writing a letter and making a phone call to Joan Wheeler!
I have always maintained that I never wrote more than one letter to Joan Wheeler. The one letter that I admit to writing was to her adoptive mother, Dorothy, in 1982, informing Dorothy of Joan's dirty deeds regarding my minor children and my life.