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Reclaiming our Family Honor!

Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!

Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om


“Damaged people damage people.”…. And my brain has been racing ever since — because damaged people don’t have to stay damaged”… David Gerrold

Update February 12, 2014…

I’ve again revamped and moved around a few items from this front page to my about page. As of this date, this blog has over 9,500 views! and that’s since I started this blog in July 2011!

The purpose of this blog is about exposing all the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family and telling the truth of myself and my family.

It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler.

Our commentary and reporting is our business.

The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.

This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT BORN in 1955 and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.

Yep, the worst thing Joan Wheeler ever did was to publish that lying book. Now she will have to live with that dead book tied around her neck until we set everything in it straight and right and it starts to stink and rot OR she decides to make it right and remove ALL references to Forbidden Family on her two web sites and apology to us siblings and our parents!
Warning…the contents of this blog are not suitable for young impressible minds or for people who believe everything Joan Wheeler has said or written. Believe her at your own risk!
see joint post of Gert and Ruth
update of February 2014…Joan has still NOT answered any of our charges against her…in fact when asked directly she runs and hides away, or screams that we are harassing her…so we shall continue on until she answers to the dirty deeds and words she has said and deeds she has done. Joan still has NOT removed her hate blogs against us or gotten her friends to get rid of theirs, so we shall just carry on. Everything Joan and her friends have done to the birth family are part of the historical record.

Another Chapter in Joan Wheeler’s Revisionist History – how her 9/11 experience changed from a ‘truthful’ account in 2009 to a lie in 2014.

An excellent presentation of evidence via Ruth!

Another Chapter in Joan Wheeler’s Revisionist History – how her 9/11 experience changed from a ‘truthful’ account in 2009 to a lie in 2014..

An adult is as the adult/child does! #JoanWheeler, the perpetual spoiled brat of a child, wants to be known as an adult!

Too bad she can’t accept the LIFE she has, as an adult and thereby GET a life of an adult.

I’ve had the following site, and comment of Joan’s, in my ‘waiting to be done’ folders on Joan Wheeler. For years, Joan has been all over the Internet, so there’s alot of material. And unlike her, I do have a life. So it takes time for me to get back to those folders and do my follow ups and blog posts.

Once I looked at the site, I decided to placed another comment myself. I am not including the article itself nor any other comments, just Joan’s and mine and one other. Make of it as you will and be glad that you don’t have a mentally ill person in your family!

PS I am including a couple of long comments made by Ruth because it’s IMPORTANT to remember that Joan Wheeler has a long dirty history of maliciousness towards us, the birth sisters, and anyone who does not agree with Joan.

I am an adult, not an adopted child

Submitted by 1adoptee on April 5, 2011 – 11:05am.

When an adoptee refers to himself as “an adopted child”, such as author Stephen J. Betchen did, I think that the author is not well informed. The adoption reform movement has been going strong since founded in 1953 by Jean Paton. We prefer to be referred to as “adult adoptees” so as to remind people that children do not search, adults do. And it is adoptees over legal age of adulthood who are actively trying to change laws that undermine our basic civil rights to our sealed birth certificates. Therein is another problem. Opposition to adoptees’ access to our birth certificates claims we must seek parental permission from our natural parents, and in some cases, our adoptive parents as well. This mindset is deeply rooted in the perception that adoptees should be forever seen as children in need of protection. We are young adults, middle aged and elderly citizens who want what everyone else has: the civil right to obtain our true birth certificates. Search and Reunion and relationship building are secondary to that goal.

not all adults behave as adults

Submitted by gert mcqueen on August 24, 2014 – 5:48am.

If one wishes to be seen as an adult than they should behave as an adult and not as a spoiled brat that kicks and screams to get attention and bully anyone whom doesn’t see the world as they, the child, does. Some in the adoption reform movement resort to browbeating and insulting any pro-adoption people. Those actions are hardly commendable and do not change laws for reform.

Commentator 1adoptee (forbiddenfamily) is my birth sibling whom was placed into adoption due to death of our mother, our father had no other option. In the course of reunion the entire birth family were treated unfairly by this ‘adult adoptee’. When I adopted my own child with second husband, this ‘adult’ called me an unfit mother, interfered with my parental rights with my minor children and called false child-abuse upon me, twice! The entire birth family were subjected to all manner of insults and betrayals by this ‘adult adoptee’. Then in 2009 she wrote a libelous hate book (Forbidden Family) against every member of both birth and adopted families! In 2011, one month after she wrote her comment on this site, the book was pulled from publication, via the publisher, when evidence was provide, by birth family, that the book contained libel/slander and hate. Please do some of your own research on the character and actions of ‘adult adoptees’.

Endless internet drama

Submitted by Anonymous on August 31, 2014 – 7:12am.

Most adoptees and natural families are normal people who end up having normal relationships when and if they reunite with each other.

Some – on both sides – are apparently not.
some people just are not worth finding and knowing

I realize that this comment is coming late – but I had not seen this until today, August 31, 2014.
Since the time Joan Wheeler commented here, (page 2) answering my comments, with more slanted lies about me, Joan sent an anonymous letter (Nov. 2012) and to my employer, accusing me of computer fraud, in an attempt to get me fired. In January 2013, she bragged about sending that letter on the internet. I pressed harassment charges on her but the judge dismissed it. At the same time period, she was feeding 30 year gossip to a boyfreind of hers, who has a blog titled “Defending Joan Wheeler” – however, he does little defending her, but instead attacks me. In early 2013, he threatened me with emotional blackmail via his blog. I responded that whatever “dark dirty secret of mine that he thinks he knows about me” – to go ahead and say it. I reminded him that the police and the district attorney would be very interested in knowing how he, who never met me, knows any secret I may have. – He even brought up a fight that I had with a woman in September 1979! This is what I mean when I say that Joan Wheeler tells 30 year old slanted gossip about me! When I threatened this man with the police – he backed off. Very wise of him to do so.

In reading Joan’s answer to my comment here on page 2 of this site – I see where she still engages in half-truths. One in particular, where I sent an actual court document to the publisher of her book that had the correct court date on it, vs. to the date she put in the book. Joan claims in her comment here that she mistakenly put the wrong date in her book. No, she did not. We were in court three times – the first time in 1993, over phone calls I made to her, and she told the police I was making annoyance phone calls. The judge granted her a six-month order of protection against me. In the book she says it was for one year, and that she had MULTIPLE orders of protection against me. No, there was only that one. – In 1995, I took her to court because she was writing letters to the mayor of Buffalo and other elected officials telling them that I had a criminal record. In Dec. 1994, a child abuse call was made about Joan, someone posed at me and also named my fiance as co-molestor of Joan’s children. I believe it was Joan herself who placed that call because she sent letters to my mother in law’s house telling my husband to leave me. She was also writing letters to New York State Child Abuse Center and told them we were in court in 1993 and I was sentenced to probation. Joan was also calling my employer almost daily telling them I had a criminal record.  The judge in the court case that I instituted was dismissed because the judge felt “sisters should get along.”
In 1999, I took Joan to court for harassment again because she sent me a letter telling me that my husband had gotten the next-door neighbor pregnant. (the house was vacant.)
In March 1995 – we both appeared, it was adjourned to a date in April, then adjourned to a date in May. Yes, we had three court dates – for a total of about 10 minutes each time, 30 minutes final total time in front of the judge. In Joan’s book, she mixes up all three court cases, the one in 1993, 1995 and 1999. She reports that in 1994 we went through three months of court battles. – do you see how she mixes and sneakily LIES to everyone?

I send Trafford Publications EVERY court document that I had – not just one, as Joan says here on this site. – Including the letter she sent to Albany NY in Dec. 1994 saying that I was placed on probation – I sent Trafford the actual Order of Protection with the dates August 9, 1993 to February 9, 1994 to show that it was for the duration of six months, not one year as she put forth in her book.
And in the book, she does say that I have a criminal record – which is LIBEL.

I have a blogpost that contains the actual email I sent to Trafford – and it has ALL complaints I have about Joan’s book.  It was their legal team that decided that Joan VIOLATED THE CONTRACT THAT SHE SIGNED with Trafford when she said she put forth only the truth in her ‘non-fiction’ book.
It was never about she make peace with her sisters and write a book that we approved of – it was all about LIBEL AND SLANDER.

My complaint to Trafford Publications concerning the slander and libel contained in the book Forbidden Family by Joan Wheeler November 30, 2011…

Also another commenter here, “anonymous” says ” I understand names were changed and that Joan Wheeler had to get a restraining order to keep her sibs from harassing her. ” – WRONG – you understand WRONG – obviously this anonymous person is a buddy of Joan’s who has been taken in by Joan’s lies – Joan did NOT protect my name – she did call me Brenda in the book – BUT in 1991, she wrote an article called “The Secret is Out” where she did use my full true name – it was published by the British Adoption Quarterly and Joan placed a footnote in the book telling the readers where to go find the original article – Joan scanned the article and placed it on her website, conveniently blacking out my name and my sister’s name AFTER she read my complaint to Trafford (it was originally on her website WITH my name showing) – however the original article is still available. – And Joan gave out her real birth name and my father’s real last name, and MY MOTHER’S REAL FULL NAME. My father worked for the City of Buffalo and had political ties with many Buffalo elected officials – one former City Common Councilmember, and former mayoral candidate SIGNED the memorial book for my father’s second wife in 1964. My father was also in the Buffalo News with his real name for an article about adoption. It doesn’t take much brains to see a dead woman’s full real name, half of her husband’s real last name – with that real last name of Sippel plastered on the front of Joan’s book AND a family portrait of my parents and me and my siblings (minus Joan) plastered on the back of Joan’s book – which was another VIOLATION of the contract she signed with Trafford – Joan was born in 1956, the picture was taken in 1954 or 1955. The contract says that the author has “sole copyright to the work (book) and all its contents” -

I will not sit back and see MY reputation besmirched all over the internet by Joan and her buddies.
Thank you for your time.

Ruth Sippel Pace
Subject: addendum
as to who keeps continuing the drama – ask Joan – in March of this year, on HER facebook – that I cannot see, nor comment on, but a friend of mine views and tells me – to honor OUR DEAD MOTHER on the 58th anniversary of her death (March 28, 1956) Joan writes a little thing to mom, than sticks in a dig against me and my other sisters. And one of her buddies calls me “evil” in a reply. This is you mark the anniversary of the death of your birth mother, using it as a vehicle to slam your sisters and you allow to stand a hateful comment against the other daughters of the dead woman that you claim to love?
And recently on another adoption forum, Joan is busy writing about the effects of adoption on people, and yakkety-yak – THEN says, that because of the death or our mother, her birth sisters have been left with lifelong psychological problems. – um no – I still grieve my mom – every year I go to her grave and take her flowers from my garden. Lifelong psychological problems? When I’ve held down a job for 42 years, am well respected in that job, well respected in the community as a result of my work organizing a block club and have healthy hobbies. Joan on the other hand, went through college to get a social work degree, has never worked a day in her life AS a social worker, yet pads her resume online. In one forum, she says that she IS a social worker, and a suicide prevention counselor then a week later, on
another forum, she says she can’t work because she is on Social Security Disability for her psychological problems, and has threatened suicide herself in the past. (this is true).
As I said above, Joan can write whatever she wants on the internet – but – when she writes about ME or MY FAMILY or references that libelous book – I will answer. I have seen many posts on different forums that Joan has commented on, and because she has NOT said a word about me or misrepresented
my father, I have not commented. Joan complains that I comment on forums – yes – but as I said ONLY when she mentions me or my family in a derogatory way.  I have the right to know what is being said about me in any venue, and I have the right to rebut any lies told about me. My civil rights are not negotiable.

drama, drama, drama – oh yes

it’s also about endless cleaning up your reputation after someone keeps slandering you on the internet, in real life, etc.  I have repeatedly told Joan Wheeler, that if she wants to comment about adoption issues – to go right ahead – I’m not about to stop her – BUT she needs to stop misrepresenting me AND my family. And if she references her now-dead slanderous book, I will remind people WHY the book is dead.  I have repeatedly told Joan that all she has to say is:

“My mother was pregnant with me when she was admitted to hospital in late 1955. Two weeks later, I was born prematurely, my mom was found to have incurable cancer. Three months later she died, leaving behind a husband with four small children, aged 3 to 9 years of age. Due to child care issues, my father relinquished me for adoption. I was adopted to an older couple, they lied to me all my life. It was a private adoption, and my birth aunt knew where I was all my life, but she did not interfere, but I felt she kept the lies going.  When I was 16, my birth aunt did tell my eldest birth sister my adopted name, and a couple of years later, when I was 18, she found me. I was reunited with my birth family in 1974. But my 1980, my reunion with various members of my birth family, both immediate and extended, began to go sour. I don’t associate with my birth siblings.”

There is no need for Joan Wheeler to be going on the internet and telling lies about me – why even in January 2013 – when the husband of a cousin died – Joan was on twitter accusing me of using the man’s death as a way to harass HER. – and I didn’t even know he had died! – I work the night shift, was sleeping, and working a couple of 12 hour shifts – one day I wake up and go to twitter and see that I was a busy person – WHILE I WAS SLEEPING! (damn, I’m good – I can harass people in my sleep!) – I see Joan’s tweets, and I call my cousin Nancy – was there a death in the family? oh yes – so I call Becky – and find out about the death. btw – Joan was tweeting that the father (Dennis) of the widow – doesn’t me around – gosh – when just a few weeks earlier Nancy had gotten 4 phone calls from Becky and Dennis – they didn’t have my number and wanted me to come to a Family Reunion Brunch – to which it was JOAN who was not invited. (I even posted pictures of the Brunch on my facebook). But according to Joan – I’m not wanted.  yes, sigh, endless internet drama – it would stop if Joan Wheeler would please shut up about me.

Subject: facebook
anybody who wishes to come visit my facebook page can do so at: [1]
come and see me with my lifelong psychological problems that Joan says I
have. roflmao!

Gert here again…and this is why we will continue to blog and speak out about Joan Wheeler where ever and how ever we find her!


Doesn’t matter what year it is, #JoanWheeler has maniacal circle thinking when it comes to #adoption.

And even when she has attempted to cover her tracks with aliases she can’t fool everyone!

In May 2012 I found the following tweet on Joan Wheeler@forbiddenfamily who tweeted…requesting other adoptees to chime in!

Needs Comments — I Found My Biological Parents, and Wish I Hadn’t …

I am NOT providing the entire article here only Joan’s comments along with a few responses to hers. My reasoning is simply to show Joan’s one-sided maniacal logic and to show that she isn’t making any friends out there, no matter what name she uses. Joan would NEVER allow another to speak to her as she speaks to others!

On this site Joan Wheeler is using one of her alternative names Kaykal. Comments on this site are now closed.

kaykal NYS

You’ve just set us back by feeding into public perception that adoptees’ finding their roots is not important.

Your mother suffered from her experiences. She needs compassion and education to free herself from guilt, shame, and loss.

No natural parent has any right to anonymity. Once relinquishment papers are signed, ALL rights are relinquished, including identity “privacy”.

“There was a resemblance but not much of one”. Such a dismissive attitude! Ever hear of recessive genes? Brush up on your human genetics.

So you “tracked down” your “biological” father? This terminology sets fear into the hearts and minds of adoptive parents, natural parents, and legislators everywhere. Responsible adoptees seek their roots and heritage, much like anyone who logs onto Ancestry dot com.

We also are fighting for our civil and human rights to our true birth certificates.

Your “biodad”? No, he’s your natural father. He didn’t know how to relate to you and reached out to you in the only way he knew how. But you dismissed him.

His lifestyle didn’t fit your expectations? So much for your acceptance of who he is. That tells me more of your character than his. Snob much?

You think your ambition exceeds your “modest” genetic gifts? In a blink of an eye, something could happen to the wiring in your brain, and you’d be dead. Your body IS your genetics.

It is up to each and every one of us to do in life what we will, and that, for every adoptee, is the product of both nature and nurture. May 5, 2012 at 5:50 p.m.

Now here are a few comments that show just how others think of kaykal’s (Joan Wheeler’s) maniacal thinking!

Chana Mirel Massachusetts

Goodness, kaykal, Ms. Lutz is writing about her own feelings and experiences, not yours. No one knows what her birth mother “needs”. And whether or not Lutz relates to her biological father is not for us to dissect and criticize. As for noting that she does not much physically resemble her birth mother, Lutz is just stating a fact, not being “dismissive” or showing she is ignorant about recessive genes.

I have three children by adoption and have been open with them about it since the beginning. I encourage them to talk about their adoptions and let them know that I’m there for them if they choose to search. I can help them find their birth families, but what they do with that information, and any relationships that they establish, are theirs.     May 7, 2012 at 2:49 p.m.

Earl California

I’m an adult adoptee who sought out my biological roots at age 40. I never had any issue with my parents, who raised me with love and devotion, but I did have a curiosity about my genetics.

My birth mother and I get along very well; we are both sensitive people. The same is true of her children, my half-siblings. My birth father and I get along okay, but there isn’t a connection beyond biology. But I still don’t regret knowing him.

“kaykal” is focused on the wrong party. Adoption is all about protecting the child, and the child’s needs, even when the child becomes an adult. If the adopted child chooses not to seek them out, or not to have further contact with his or her birth parents, that decision is up to the child, not to the birth parents. May 7, 2012 at 2:49 p.m.

marion new york

Responses like Kaykal’s are exactly why I have never once regretted having an abortion. I did not want an unwanted child, conceived through a birth control failure with a man I did not love, to come after me later on. I totally disagree that giving up a child for adoption means giving up your privacy rights, but I was terrified that other people would think my feelings had no value and would seek to destroy my life. If I could have guaranteed my lifetime privacy, I would have carried the fetus to term and relinquished it, along with as complete a family medical history as I could come up with. In the absence of that assurance, I chose to give myself one. The children i have now will never have to know of my youthful choice.

I have the utmost respect for those women who choose to go through pregnancy and I think that adoptees should think about the fact that they are alive because their moms did not share my feelings and really hesitate before contacting her.          May 7, 2012 at 2:46 p.m.

Patricia S. Williams St. Louis, Missouri

“ALL rights are relinquished, including identity privacy”? – kaykal, perhaps this reasoning is why so few people tend to relinquish children for adoption – opting for abortion instead. No kaykal, all rights are not relinquished – there is a bargain that is struck. “I give my child to a family desperate to have him/her – they take full responsibility for parenting and NOTHING can be demanded of me, not even my name.”         May 7, 2012 at 2:46 p.m.

Meinemo Chicago

Angry much? Blaming the author for her parents’ behaviors, criticizing her perspective on the situation and the terms she used to describe it, seems unnecessarily mean-spirited.      May 7, 2012 at 2:46 p.m.

Gert here…

Mean-spirited for sure and more! Joan Wheeler by any name is far beyond mean-spirited. Would you want Joan Wheeler to be YOUR social worker? Wonder what her new boy-friend of the year thinks of her mean-spirited nature? Just give it 6 months and he’ll be gone!





Collective wisdoms?? of #JoanWheeler, an angry #adoptee!

There are many things that Joan has articulated that provides a good look at her way of thinking and, in some cases, how she lives. I’ve come across many ‘gems’ that, by themselves, didn’t warrant an entire blog post, but collectively they are interesting. In the following, Joan is using either, 1adoptee or Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel; just 2 of her many ‘screen names’. Joan’s spelling errors are NOT corrected.

My comments will be marked as GM>>

#1 From the forum of Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change Post by: 1adoptee on September 22, 2010, 10:08:38 PM  It is always the “friend” of an adoptee who knows the “right” answer! The ignorant have the biggest mouths.

GM>> This two-liner shows contempt and arrogance, qualities that Joan has abundance of. Apparently, even a ‘friend’ can’t have the ‘right’ answer when talking with an adoptee. We know that some adoptees can not accept any kind of sentiment that doesn’t fit or jive with their own.

Moral here… don’t even try to offer ‘compassion’ or ‘advice’ to an adoptee for they will only feel contempt for you. For you see, to an angry adoptee, if you are NOT one, you can not know anything…you are ‘ignorant’. This fits Joan’s lack of self worth quite well, for she can be high and mightly, in her self knowledge that those ‘others’ with the ‘big mouths’ are just plain ignorant. In her mind, there are NO other opinions but hers.

#2 From Sept/Oct 2009 (I didn’t grab the entire dates) on this website: we find the following three comments, from Joan.

Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel said… Great blog. The need for commentors here is acknowledged! I’ll be back, for sure! This post is extreemly important to read, especially from a mother of loss. Identity is so very important, our roots, our names, come from our parents, our creators. Please stop by my new website and blog, which is in the beginning stages, so I could use a few visitors and comments, too. Sadly, the look may change as the webhost is soon changing format, but this one is more secure. 8:25 PM  Sept 2009

GM>> First we see the ‘adoptee speak'; not meaning to be disrespectful here, but from what I’ve observed, whenever someone who is NOT an adoptee and speaks about the same topics (identity, roots, names, parents/creators, etc) we are treated with total contempt and anger. How dare a non-adoptee talk with an adoptee about ‘our’ point of view! As a mother who adopted my own son and was harmed by Joan Wheeler’s anti-adoption position, I feel my opinions matter a great deal!

The most important aspect of this comment is the the last 2 sentences. This was JUST BEFORE the publication of the libelous book, when Joan was PROMOTING it, and herself, far and wide. From what she says here, she was expecting some changes in her blog! Interesting isn’t it, for this was also around the time that Joan BELIEVED that we birthsiblings were complaining about her blog. I for one didn’t even have Joan on my radar, to me she was already a dead no-body! During this time period Sept/Oct 2009 I was in the process of MOVING. I didn’t know she published a book, libelous at that, until Dec 2009 and didn’t get a copy of it until Feb 2010. So yes, Joan was promoting a libelous book that she knew would draw the attention of the birth family to it and her!

see this blog post..

The Yom Kippur Affair of Octobr 2009 – Joan Wheeler twists the meaning of Yom Kippur, gets herself in trouble with her bloghost, then blames her birth sisters for her own ignorance. (what else is new?) on July 16, 2012

So, here, we finally SEE, in Joan’s own words, on another web blog, in Sept 2009, that Joan was expecting some changes in her webhost and yet, in Oct 2009, she ‘let’s the cat out of the bag’ when she speaks, at first unknowningly, with her own sister and…well you will have to read the account of the whole ‘affair’ @ the site above.

#3 Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel said… Hope by now your pet is home and doing better. My daughter (age 22) came home last night with a sick kitten. A friend of a friend of a friend gave the kitten to her father who didn’t want a sick kitten so my daughter brought her home. In a carrying cage, with food and no litter. What a mess. They just left for the SPCA. I feel so sad to say no, that we can’t afford a pet. We can’t afford to live now, anyway. But we really would feel better to have a pet. Our rabbit died last winter, so we’ve been sad. Not having enough money to buy ourselves food means we cannot take care of a pet. It’s not the same thing as the loss of a child to adoption. I wish all people could have a sense of that loss so they wouldn’t encourage permanent separation of mother and child. It is so cruel. 1:37 PM  2009

GM>>Now here we get a ‘peek’ into the home-life of Joan! This is 2009, just before the publication of the libelous book, that was going to make Joan Wheeler a multi-millionaire, from book sales and a movie deal! She’s been on state disability for years, her daughter lived with her and helped support her and she was going to ‘get even’ with everyone in 2 families and others that ever ‘hurt’ her! Here, she’s promoting her book and attempting to ‘make a name’ for herself, with those on the internet that have NO IDEA about her. Self-promotion has a way of back-firing! That book no longer exists.

Anyway, Joan doesn’t just say ‘a friend’ she has to point out ‘a friend’ 3 times removed! Those are NOT friends, they are, at best, acquaintances! Joan will NOT use the term ‘acquaintance’ because ‘friend’ sounds better, as in a closer relationship. I have many ‘acquaintances’ and I’m not bothered by calling them that! Acquaintances are a ‘dime a dozen’! Friends are worth a lot more. The acquaintance just wanted to get rid of a kitten! No real friend, who knew Joan’s circumstances, would have burdened her with another life to care of. Seems as if a 22 year old, who knows that her mother can’t afford to keep a cat would have known better, but, perhaps Joan’s daughter NEEDED some loving from a living being, such as a cat!

Joan is ‘so sad’, she can’t ‘afford a pet’, doesn’t have ‘enough money to buy ourselves food’…she is SO SAD…she is always sad! And then she gets to the POINT…’It’s not the same thing as the loss of a child to adoption. I wish all people could have a sense of that loss so they wouldn’t encourage permanent separation of mother and child. It is so cruel’

How did we go from a kitten you can’t afford to the sense of loss of adoption? When you are Joan Wheeler, everything…EVERYTHING…eventually comes down to the loss of adoption! She just can’t see anything in life as joyful because she is so so sad because of her adoption! And that includes ‘close male friends’! As soon as she gets one, it only takes a few weeks before the male, that she picked, shows his abusive nature, or, she shows her own abusive nature and they split up. She must have gone through about 4 or 5 males since she wrote this in 2009! It’s 2014 now.

#4 Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel said… Congrats! This is a beautifully, wonderful view of the inside! Conception and pregnancy are fascinating to “look into”. I think everyone who wants to adopt ought to be forced (mandatory counseling)into viewing videos of a growing fetus, and the birth process, and breastfeeding, so they’d think twice before they grab a new mother’s baby. You have every right to claim your spot! Blessed Be. 2:17 PM  2009

GM>>yes, the miracles of human reproduction is a wonderful beautiful thing! But, Joan sounds like one of those rabid abortion people…forcing everyone to view fetuses! She ‘think’s’!! that’s the problem, she DOESN’T think! What planet has she been living on? There is NOTHING that can be ‘forced’ and made ‘mandatory counseling’! You can make the material AVAILABLE but there is no way to make it mandatory for people to see! If someone is going to adopt they are going to adopt.

Joan is a anti-adoption nazi! She has a ‘my way or the highway’ mentality. Joan makes the mistake that EVERYONE that is adopted was GRABBED from a new mother! In Joan’s mind, there is NO REASON for a woman to give up her baby, at birth or at anytime, into adoption. There’s no gray areas in Joan’s mind, it’s all black and dark with hate and anger.

Joan’s mother, MY MOTHER, died! The only option available to MY FATHER, after his 2nd wife said NO to raising the infant, was for ADOPTION. Joan refuses to accept the circumstances surrounding her birth and placement into adoption and because of that two entire families, birth and adoptive, and many others have suffered because of Joan’s diseased mind. So much for the wisdoms from Joan Wheeler.


Have your heard the ‘Joni & Rich’ story by #JoanWheeler? No? well then read on…

Joan tells so many versions of her life and leaves out so many great things; no wonder that she can’t seem to tell the definitive TRUTH, of anything, let alone tell it consistency!

Did she REALLY write the book for adoption REFORM as she PROMOTES that she did? NO, she wrote a book full of lies for revenge and retaliation as well as for fame and fortune! WE now present ADDITIONAL PROOF. I realize that this post may be long, but please, stay with me, for all will be revealed!

From the ‘nonfiction’ status, and supposed truthful account within its pages, Forbidden Family, has one account of the truth which doesn’t match other sources of the same truth, as told by Joan Wheeler, herself. Confused? Join the club! Everything Joan Wheeler writes is part of her fragmented and distorted mind as well as her viewpoints along with whatever mental state she may be in at any given moment. In real life and in print, Joan routinely mixes up people, times and places; that’s why it is so confusing, even to her!

Currently, 2014, she is rewriting the condemned book, as it was proven to be libelous and was pulled from publication. So expect an entirely DIFFERENT set of TRUTHS with any other book from her! Whenever she finally finishes it, as she is NOW limited to really self-publishing it, where will she get the monies to get it printed? And marketed, and shipped?

Recently, June 2014, an old flame/collaborator, YES COLLABORATOR, of Joan’s, had an article published on Yahoo. Joan lost no time in broadcasting that she KNOWS the guy! She likes to name-drop! But I really wonder if those that she name-drops really want the attention she puts on them! As it turns out, Ruth and I had the ‘skinny’ on the ‘relationship’ between Joan and the old flame/collaborator several years ago…we have been sitting on it! So I guess, since Joan herself brought it out in the open, it must be okay for us to present what we have always known!

First the link to the article written by Richard Weizel…(Joan’s collaborator/former lover)…then a couple of Facebook comments of Joan’s (that I was shown).

Joan M Wheeler Hey M, this article was written by an ex-boyfriend of mine! yeah Rich Richard Weizel! Congratualtions for another well-written article! Proud of you! June 21 at 11:59am

Joan M Wheeler Nice to see my cousin, M, a daughter of my (natural blood) cousin, who is also a adoptee-lite, and my good old friend, Richard Weizel, an adoptee, here on Facebook! Love to both of you. June 21 at 2:17pm ·

On June24 from another thread

Joan M Wheeler Glad to help out! 38 years ago, I began writing about my life in journals, diaries. I just wrote because I had the urge to organize my thoughts. Much was not appropriate for a book, but other bits became a book. Soon to be published in a revised edition! A — with Northside Writers’ help, your writings will not take as long to shape up!

Gert here…let’s take the last comment first…the statement is so very interesting!! Here Joan admits that ‘much’ of what she wrote, in her diaries, was ‘not appropriate for a book but other bits became a book’. That book, Forbidden Family, had 640 pages, and only about 80 pages were of any TRUE adoption reform materials! Joan continues to call, what she is working on, a second revised edition, which is false. What she is working on is a different book! And, she and ANYONE that helps her with publishing this DIFFERENT book will be SUED for libel IF SHE HAS MORE LIES about us! Furthermore, as our presentation of NEW evidence shows, Joan has had the PLAN to exploit both birth and adoptive families, for fame and fortune.

Now turning attention to the old flame…one of many I may add…

Richard Weizel’s name does appear in the acknowledgements, page ix, of the libelous book Forbidden Family. Outside of that, there is no other mention of him or the IMPORTANCE that he played in Joan’s life and the EXPLOITATION of the birth and adoptive families…for fame and fortune! The last evidence I present, at the end of this post, will be the VARIOUS titles of Joan’s work in progress and her and Richard Weizel’s grand design! So please stay with me!

But first…from Joan’s notes…from an early draft.

Time Frame: 1980 – 1981. Synopsis: Death of John Lennon, Joan and Hal meet in Virginia Beach, Joan meets Richard Weizel. They try to write a joint book, docu-drama. It falls through, they argue and break up. She meets him again in 1991.

From the pages of Forbidden Family is found only this…

During this time period, Dec 1980, she gets a phone call from a high school boyfriend, Hal, living in Virginia who recently got divorced and wanted to see her; she relates this on page 196. On page 198, she relates ‘…spent a wonderful week together…problems we didn’t anticipate…he wanted me to move to Virginia Beach…I wanted to live where I could maintain relationships with both sets of parents…we said goodbye.’

She marries in 1983 and has children. On page 292, (it’s 1990) she and husband are having marriage problems. Joan doesn’t even mention the year 1991, like that year never happened! Hummm!! On page 295 we are now in 1992! So what happened in 1991? And no mention of the guy with whom she was writing a docu-drama with!

So what is a DOCU-DRAMA? …basically, a book and a movie! To fully understand and appreciate this…it is really necessary to present Joan’s own words; words that didn’t make it into Forbidden Family but words that she would have used if she still HAD Richard Weizel in her life. By presenting the following, narrative of Joan’s, I give readers a very good look at her writing style and mind-set. People have NOT had any opportunity to really know what she published as the book was pulled from publication.

…so here is Joan (within the brackets ^^^^^)…


Hal and I spent a wonderful week together. While in Virginia Beach, however, we experienced problems neither of us anticipated. Hal expected me to give up my life in Buffalo and move down to Virginia Beach to live with him. I wasn’t ready to that so Hal sent me home on a quickly arranged flight.

Three weeks later, shortly after New Year’s, 1981, however, Hal called again. He asked me to drive down to Virginia Beach. We had thought it over and both wanted to make it work. Since I had been laid off in late November, there really wasn’t any commitment here in Buffalo.

I drove down to Virginia Beach, woke Hal up from a sound sleep when I knocked on his door at 1am. For a week or so, we were happy. Until the day I suggested the Association for Research and Enlightenment.

The A.R.E. was a spiritual center dedicated to the readings of Edgar Cayce. I was drawn to the spiritual, metaphysical aspects of life; Hal thought they were unimportant. But he agreed to take me there anyway.

Hal stayed in the bookstore, while I attended a lecture on reincarnation. I chose a seat directly in front of the lecturer. The entire room was empty so I was a bit startled and annoyed when a man came in and sat in the chair at my right. When our eyes met, an intuitive flash told me he was adopted, but I quickly dismissed such a ridiculous thought. There was no reason to believe this stranger was adopted, other than to meet my needs of wanting to relate to a man who would understand and identify with me.

The lecturer began with short introductions. When the man to my right said he was a free-lance writer from New York City, my head jerked up. I wanted to tell him that I was writing my autobiography, but decided not to.

With the opening of the question and answer period, I listened intently to the topic being discussed. We were addressing free will and choice, and how it relates to reincarnation. Everything else about reincarnation made sense to me, but this was a hard concept for me to grasp. The idea that the soul chooses its physical life prior to entering the material world (Footnotes #4) was a theory that I couldn’t understand. Knowing the confusion I’d lived with all my life, I doubted that I was responsible for it, so I asked the lecturer, “Why would my soul chose to be born of one mother, only to be adopted and raised by another?”

Before the woman could answer, the writer turned to me, his eyes bursting open with excitement.

“You’re adopted?” he asked. No sooner did I nod my head that he answered excitedly, “So am I!”

“I knew it. I knew it!” I shouted. “I knew you were adopted as soon as you walked in here.” My heart was racing. This just couldn’t be happening.

“As a matter of fact, I’m even writing my autobiography,” he said as his large, brown eyes sparkled.

“So am I!” I said. “And you know, after you said you were a writer I decided I was going to ask you to help me write my book.”

It took several minutes for us to regain our composure. Bt this time, the lecturer was completely confused and she didn’t quite know how to wrap up the hour. She finally concluded with a statement reinforcing her belief that souls chose to be adopted in this life to learn and grow.

I turned to the writer and we feverishly began comparing each other’s stories. Almost in unison, we laughed. I wondered if I might be dreaming. The thought occurred to me, but before I could utter a word, the writer was suggesting that we combine our stories into one long book.

We walked out of the lecture hall, exchanged addresses and phone numbers of where we stayed in Virginia Beach, and went off to find our respective partners.

Reunited once again with Hal, I told him of this chance meeting and how excited I was to find a writer to help me write my book. Hal’s disinterest disappointed me. My adoption story was very important to me and it became clear that he couldn’t understand how important this really was to me. Before we could mend the hurt and make concrete decisions about our lives together or apart, my car blew a rod in the engine. We were on a day trip to Richmond and had to leave my car there while Hal’s friends drove two hours to pick us up.

I was stranded in Virginia Beach with very little money, no car, and a wounded heart. My parents did not know I left Buffalo to be with Hal, and even though my birthfather knew, I could not call him for help. My only other option for a ride anywhere was to call the writer I’d met at the A. R. E. center. Rich was delighted to help out. He picked me up at Hal’s apartment the next day. I said good-bye to Hal in an awkward, choking voice. We hugged one last time and loaded my suitcase in Rich’s car. I knew this would be the last time I’d ever see Hal.

The ride to Queens was pleasant as Rich and I and his friend, Mark, got to know each other. Though worried for my safety, I tried not to think of the dangerous situation I put myself in. The men seemed safe, but this is something I would definitely not do today. Yes, the Spirits were certainly guiding me and protecting me.

In Queens, I stayed with Rich in his apartment. We decided to have me meet his parents before I called mine to arrange for a Western Union money-gram. My parents, of course, thought I was crazy, and at that time, I certainly was crazy. I felt out of control, led by forces I didn’t understand. My parents sent me enough money to get home.

Thus began a six month relationship with the writer from New York City. We were both unemployed at the time, so we traveled back and forth from Buffalo to Queens, staying at a time in our respective homes. As we grew in our love for each other, our knowledge of uncanny coincidences shared between us also grew. It seemed we could not deny that something unusual was happening to us. Our friends were baffled and curious and both of us were involved with meditation groups who stressed that our meeting was a very meaningful one. We had a purpose, we were to accomplish something important together.

The news of our deep synchronistic (Footnotes #5) links soon attracted a Buffalo businessman and his staff. The Institute of Fundamental Holistic Research took us on as clients. Plans were made to turn the story of Rich and Joan into one dynamic book. When publishers turned us down, we were discouraged. However, a Toronto television studio offered a multi-million dollar contract for a docu-drama that would focus on two adoptee’s chance meeting and love story.

As the contracts were being drawn up, I called my lawyer. He advised me to withdraw from the project because my story had not yet been written and the little that had been written was not protected by copyright. He told me that such a docu-drama would focus on all the sensational metaphysical synchronicities and the adoption issues we both wanted to convey would be lost. This, in conjunction with competitive feelings between Rich and I, contributed to our increased dissatisfaction with each other.

Even our views on adoption began to change. I had insisted, as I had done since the very beginning of my reunion, that every adoptee has two sets of parents. On the other hand, Rich believed that his adoptive parents were his only set of parents. He came to this conclusion because he could not find his birthmother. This caused a big rift between us. I was shattered by Rich’s beliefs and tried to get him to see that he has another set of parents out there, whether he finds them or not. We argued bitterly over this issue, and soon our love began to fade.

Rich’s success in finding employment in another city further provoked feelings of inadequacy and rage within me. Though he asked me to join him, I could not leave my home in Buffalo. My roots were there, my life was there. Just because he wasn’t rooted I saw no reason for me to lose my own. In a violent display of insecurity, rage and frustration, I ended our relationship forever.

The sensational love story and the docu-drama were over. I secluded myself in my apartment for a month before I could face the outside world again.

The years went by and I often thought of Rich and what became of him. Then, a little over ten years after our break-up, the name of Richard Weizel popped out at me as I read a newsletter from the Regional Director of The American Adoption Congress. Rich had written two articles in Parenting Magazine about his reunion with his birthparents! I was elated for him and rushed to the library to find the back issues of Parenting Magazine.

The first thing I saw was the artist’s rendition of Rich’s face in painted pictures. He look the same as I remembered him. I quickly scanned the story. Rich’s writing had improved and the story lines included the humor I fell in love with so long ago. The message was clear: he finally accepted his dual parentage.

Overjoyed at his success and relieved that his articles supported the Reform Movement’s purpose, I risked a phone call to locate him. We talked briefly on the phone and agreed to meet at the upcoming AAC Conference in March 1992 in Philadelphia. When we met again, we exchanged apologies and explanations. We also saw each other as the adoption professionals we had both grown into. Evolution took the right course for us. We each had to live our lives and draw our own conclusions. We each realized, finally, the meaning of our meeting in the lecture on reincarnation in Virginia Beach.


Gert here again, NOW, the following evidence came to me via a google search, where I no longer recall just want I was looking for or at. All I knew was that I HAD SOMETHING and kept it! It appears to be some kind of copyright registration. It does show us just how LONG Joan was working on her book of revenge and with whom!

She had written an article called ‘The Secret is Out’ that included our real names. For the most part none of us in the birth family were particularly concerned about that article, but did voice strong objections to our names being published. In particular, Kathy wrote a letter of complaint and was later vilified and harassed by Prof. Rene Hoksbergen. Those events were misrepresented, exaggerated and falsified by Joan in the libelous book Forbidden Family.

A Comparative study of the anxiety, burnout, and mood of three ……/a-comparative-study-of-the-anxiety-burnout-and-m...

The Secret is out / by Joan Wheelerborn Doris Sippel. Basis of Claim: New Matter: updating & additions. Previous Registration: Prev. reg. as Dual identity: ..

Dual identity

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000080711 / 1981-10-19

Date of Creation:



Dual identity : secret lies, secret truth / by Joan Wheeler [i.e. Joan Mary Wheeler]


1 v.

Variant title:

Dual identity : secret lies, secret truth

Copyright Claimant:

Joan Wheeler


Joan Mary Wheeler 1956-


Dual identity

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000082334 / 1981-10-26

Date of Creation:



Dual identity : synopsis / by Richard Weizel and Joni Wheeler [i.e. Joan Wheeler]

Application Title:

Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth.

Copyright Note:

C.O. correspondence.


12 p.

Variant title:

Dual identity : synopsis

Other Title:

Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth

Copyright Claimant:

Joan Wheeler & Richard Weizel


Joan Wheeler 1956-
Richard Weizel 1955-
Joni Wheeler


The Secret is out

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000421015 / 1990-06-07

Date of Creation:



The Secret is out / by Joan Wheeler, born Doris Sippel.

Basis of Claim:

New Matter: updating & additions.

Previous Registration:

Prev. reg. as Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth, 1981, TXu 80-711.


1 v.

Other Title:

Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth

Copyright Claimant:

Joan Wheeler, born Doris Sippel


Joan Wheeler 1956-
Doris Sippel


A Proposal for forbidden family

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000435527 / 1990-09-13

Date of Creation:



A Proposal for forbidden family / by Joan Wheeler.

Application Title:

The Secret is out; Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth.

Basis of Claim:

New Matter: additions.

Previous Registration:

Prev. reg. as The Secret is out, 1990, TXu 421-015 & Dual identity: secret lies secret truth, 1981, TXu 80-711.


sheets in box.

Other Title:

The Secret is out
Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth

Copyright Claimant:

Joan Wheeler, born Doris Sippel


Joan Wheeler 1956-
Doris Sippel


Research survey on found adoptees

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000435764 / 1990-09-11

Date of Creation:



Research survey on found adoptees.

Copyright Claimant:

Joan M. Wheeler, born Doris M. Sippel

Authorship on Application:

Joan Mary Wheeler, born Doris Michol Sippel.


Joan Mary Wheeler 1956-
Doris Michol Sippel



  1. Ruth July 1, 2014

    and guess what folks? Joan has played fast and loose with the FACTS again – she did NOT meet Rich in 1981 – but in late 1979 or early 1980 – how do I know this? BECAUSE SHE BROUGHT HIM TO MY APARTMENT!
    And Joan, ever trying to FIND problems or CREATE problems, actually asked me if there would be a problem when my then (common law) husband returned from Yemen seeing as he was ARAB and Rich was JEWISH.
    In late August 1979 – my common-law husband, Abdo left to go visit his native country of Yemen. He returned to Buffalo – July 5, 1980.
    I clearly remember this Rich in my apartment when it was cold and there was still snow on the ground. And I was in the process of sewing my first belly-dance costume. Which I began taking my very first belly dance lessons in February or March 1980. My teacher was Sherry, from Alden NY.
    I know for a fact that I took those lessons WHILE ABDO WAS IN YEMEN so I could surprise him when he came back. The lessons were part of a continuing adult education program thru Buffalo State College on Elmwood Ave, Buffalo, NY, but the back of the campus was on Grant St, and I lived on the corner of Amherst St. and Military Rd. – only one block away from Grant St, and the back of the campus on Grant St. was only about 3 blocks from Amherst St.
    I know for a fact that Abdo came home July 5, 1980 – because he came home the day after the fourth of July AND a couple of months later, we attended the wedding of my cousin Gail, in 1980 – and she and her husband Kevin was so happy to see Abdo again after his long stay away from Buffalo.
    Explain please Joan, and then you can take your “good advice” to Anthony about your journals and shove it – cos clearly either your journals were in error – OR YOU YOURSELF ARE IN ERROR OR YOU ARE SIMPLY LYING AGAIN. – I put my money on the last choice – because I have been able to PROVE with court documents – THAT JOAN WHEELER IS A DAMN LIAR.


Gert here…AND…in 1980 I remarried and started the ADOPTION of my children with 2nd husband. AND Joan had began her browbeating me about the EVILS of adoption and she began to alienate my children from me. Busy little beaver Joan was!

Paula permalink

  1. I loved the part that she states: “The sensational love story and the docu-drama were over. I secluded myself in my apartment for a month before I could face the outside world again.” At least she recognizes that she is “sensational” and to think it only took her a single month to come out of hiding. Wow. It’s been 35 years!! She needs to move on with her life. Otherwise, she’s going to be reincarnated with the same lessons to learn, which she should have learned in THIS lifetime. Stubborn soul! It IS her fault.

  2. Paula, your observations are quite right! Thing is she doesn’t want to let go of it, she can’t, for to do so would mean that she would have to ‘learn’ the lessons that THIS life is presenting to her! Every episode in her life, every thing, is over-wrought with her sensationalizing and drama and then each episode is followed with hiding away…she is bipolar! All the more reason why she ought to let it all go, for she works herself up only to have the let downs. And while this particular episode was 35 years ago…she is STILL doing the same thing, over and over and over again…because she believes that she is on this earth to save the world from adoption! She believes that her ‘life’ is an example of what adoption does to people. And so it goes…

Something old, something new….more contradictions from #adoptee #JoanWheeler.

As with lots of things, in life, it may take awhile to ‘get back’ to them once they had to be put aside, for one reason or another. That is one of the main reasons that some of Joan Wheeler’s ‘older’ posts/comments are coming to light at such a late date; I do have a life besides Joan Wheeler. But, as long as she has those hate-blogs against us, and her once-a-upon-a-time boy friend Brian Maloney, has his hate-blog against us, I shall continue to expose everything I can find that Joan Wheeler has written! It is well worth noting that Joan threw Brian under the bus! He claimed to be her ‘defender’, went out of his way, to attack, browbeat, insult and malign the three birth siblings of Joan, on and for her benefit! Did a fine job of it all for the love of Joan! But, then Joan dropped him when he was no longer useful to her. This guy really OUGHT to take down that hate website against us, it isn’t helping him any!

Be that as it may…

So…I am only now getting to look at this, a comment that Joan wrote on in March 2009. There are a couple of interesting points to make about this comment.

This post occurred 8 months BEFORE Joan’s lying book was published. She was using a photo of herself along with her full birth and adoptive names, because she WANTED to be known that way as a published author.

Since then, she doesn’t use photo and real names, too much, in many places. She believes that we sisters will not be able to find her. But she is wrong. If she wrote anything on the ‘net’ it shall be found…regardless of the choice of name she uses and we are always watchful.

She was ‘advised’ by fellow adoptees not to use her real name, she refused. But, she does have several screen names and we have found them all.

As this comment occurred before the publication of the libelous book we see how Joan is attempting to ‘show’ her position(s) on adoption reform ie. what is right or wrong. But it doesn’t come out very coherent. And as usual she lies! She never can remember one lie from another. I will bold, in her comment, items I shall comment about.

It should also be noted that Joan is STILL working on ANOTHER BOOK, here in 2014! When ever it does appear we shall see if she learned anything.

But to begin with I will share this observation from Ruth when she first saw the following: notice she said 23 years ago when I was happily married – 2009 minus 23 is 1986 – and in the book, she’s bitching about her marriage. Right!

As I just said, Joan can’t remember what she said in any other context. When she was writing this comment, she ALSO was rewriting the book. It would be so simple to just tell the truth instead of presenting yourself and/or others as something different than what you, or they, are. It takes so much energy to remember the lies and where you told the lies.

About the comment itself; what Joan is writing is in response to some bill in California, which I am not copying in full here. First we see just a portion of one other letter.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009 Letter To California: No Compromise On Adoptee Rights

Dear Assemblywoman Fiona Ma and other members of the California State Assembly,
I write to you concerning adoption records access in California. Bills are being considered that offer only conditional access to records. I urge you to enact laws that provide equal access to adoption records for all adult Californians.
Fellow adoptees from California have asked me to share my story with you. Triona Guidry Author,

****the words, in Joan’s letter below that are in bold are what Gert’s comments will address***

Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel said…

The more I read, the more I learn. This is pathetic, what they’ve done to you! Both states are against you, and so is your natural mother!

Twenty-three years ago, when I was happily married, my husband and I attended a dinner party given by a community organization. A woman I hardly knew, picked a fight with me. She yelled at me that “me and my group of adoptees” influenced a stranger to “bang on her door” and “confront” their elderly mother. I was shaking and in tears, for I didn’t know why this woman was yelling at me. When she had calmed down, she said that her unknown half sister had attended a meeting of a local adoptee group that I was leading at the time. Turned out that, despite advice given to NOT barge in, an adoptee who attended one meeting, was sure she had the right mother, was angry, and stormed the 70-something year old woman at her front door! The old woman did not want her “secret” to be known, and her live-in middle-aged daughter did not know she had an older half sister. It was a mess. The elderly husband also did not know and so this scene created a cascade of horrible events.

I’m explaining this for a reason: This kind of intense fear is a result of the harsh treatment a mother went through when pregnant, scared, and belittled. Of course she would have built up feelings of fear and hatred for the “baby” who caused her to go through this. To carry this around, not be able to tell her own husband, or her second daughter who was the only other child she had, is an unthinkable punishment for a crime that society assigned.

The real solution, then, is many-fold. Don’t give such women the chance to sign “no contact” forms. Why? Because no person has the moral right to deny their own offspring knowledge of the truth of their conception and birth. That should be carved into stone and then made into law: You give birth, you have an obligation to tell the truth. Furthermore, access to your birth certificate is access to information, not necessarily an invitation for contact.

Even twenty-three years ago,myself and others in the reform movement advised not to barge in on unsuspecting natural parents or, if a parent was searching, not to barge in on an unsuspecting adoptee who may not know she or he was adopted. Consideration works both ways.

Obviously we are dealing with a complex issue. Legislation to restore adoptees’ civil rights should not be confused with the emotions of a found parent, or adoptee, and complex family relationships affected. If anything is legislated beyond adoptee access, proposed laws might look at a way to counsel and inform the found individual and family with compassion and understanding of what happened in the past, how to heal those hurts, and deal with the present.

My heart goes out to you, and your natural mother. You both are suffering needlessly.

March 10, 2009 11:21 AM    end of Joan’s comment

Gert’s comments:

Why is Joan, who is NOT a resident of California, writing a protest letter? Support? Okay, but why then doesn’t she address the issue at hand? Joan never does, address the issue at hand that is, because she gets carried away and starts talking about herself and her issues. The issue, here, is adoption records access NOT all the other issues that Joan brings out. Too much information! It tends to close people’s eyes and ears. Joan’s self-righteousness actually turns the ‘powers that be’ off!

Joan is also two-faced!! Her reasons, she gives, for the damage that keeping records and secrets end up creating are the very same reasons why we, the birth siblings, are upset that Joan published, lied and fabricated so much about our lives and never once thought about our privacy! Here, then, are my comments to some of Joan’s statements, that are in bold.

is pathetic, what they’ve done to you

See and hear Joan’s outrage! Only she can have that emotion! Members of her birth and adoptive families have no right to feel any outrage over what she has done to them!

Twenty-three years ago, when I was happily married

Ruth has already addressed that, namely notice she said 23 years ago when I was happily married – 2009 minus 23 is 1986 – and in the book, she’s bitching about her marriage.

I will add that, in the book, Joan leaves NOTHING to guess at as to just how totally unhappy her married life was, the same goes for her relationships with her children and her boy-friends. Depending on whom Joan is talking to, at any given time, the story is always altered.

me and my group of adoptees

influenced, confront

Right from the beginning, with Joan and these angry adoptees, their first reaction is to confront. I well know it, for in 1979/80, from the very beginning of ‘discussion’ to ‘actual’ adoption of my own son, Joan did everything in her power to get me to stop the adoption process. She was very confrontational and because I refused to listen to her she retaliated against me by alienating my minor children against me and calling child abuse on me twice…so yes I know all about this confrontation! So even if this ‘event’ that she is referring to happened in 1986, Joan USED those tactics years before and I was her FIRST VICTIM!

attended a meeting of a local adoptee group that I was leading at the time

despite advice given to NOT barge in,

angry, and stormed the 70-something year old woman

did not want her “secret” to be known,

It was a mess

scene created a cascade of horrible events.

As I’ve said, I knew all about this type of confrontation! Even if advice is given NOT to do so, there is always someone who will take it upon themselves to act out against someone else. This is why Joan Wheeler is so DANGEROUS, because she advocates violence. She is an angry adoptee and those like her, on the public forum, Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, are always using various violent means to go after pro-adoption folks.

Joan Wheeler is a two-faced speaker. If a person does not agree with her, she will, and does, go after them. Joan is talking here about someone NOT wanting their SECRET out! That did not stop Joan for writing about her birth family in articles, in a lying book and on two webpages and enlisting other adoptees to go after her siblings and enlisting her boy friend Brian to create a hate-blog against us. Joan HAD/HAS no regard for our privacy and our ‘secret’. She exploited us and exposed us and lied about us, in print and she did so during the time she wrote this lying comment!

This kind of intense fear is a result of the harsh treatment a mother went through when pregnant, scared, and belittled.

would have built up feelings of fear and hatred for the “baby” who caused her to go through this.

unthinkable punishment for a crime that society assigned.

Where does she get this kind of inferred logic? How does Joan KNOW what that woman went through? How can she say, with such certainty, that the intense fear was a result of any kind of treatment? This is purely speculative in nature and if Joan thinks that the ‘powers to be’ are influenced by this rhetoric she is wrong…they see right through this nonsense. And then, she projects her own feelings by suggesting that the built up feelings were directed at the baby! My gods! And this kind of warped thinking is suppose to help adoption reform! And furthermore, Joan states, with great conviction, that society has committed a crime that causes the imagined punishment! No, all this is just the screaming rage of one angry adoptee!

The real solution, then, is many-fold

Because no person has the moral right to deny their own offspring knowledge of the truth of their conception and birth

should be carved into stone and then made into law

give birth, you have an obligation to tell the truth.

access to your birth certificate is access to information, not necessarily an invitation for contact.

Solutions are not found in Joan Wheeler’s flawed logic. This logic is so flawed it is incomprehensible. Giving birth has nothing to do with telling the truth. Joan has no conception of how human beings act and think. Unfortunately, people do harm, to themselves, their offspring and others, and, no moral outrage will make them stop. Making laws to make people moral!! A society can not legistate MORALITY, it comes from within.

As a birth sibling, who found Joan Wheeler, that contact did NOT give her the right to abuse me and my family, nor to call child abuse upon me, or to tell and write falsehoods about me, just because I told her to butt out of my life. Joan never sees her own wrong words and actions.

myself and others in the reform movement advised not to barge in on unsuspecting natural parents

Consideration works both ways.

Where was her ‘consideration’ for members of the birth family…after we found her? Where was it for me, a birth sister, when Joan ‘went after’ me because I was adopting! Joan knew perfectly well what she was doing in 1979/80 when she ‘barged’ in on my family. Where was her consideration for me and my family’s right to self-govern? Joan Wheeler has no consideration for others, she only wants to stop people from adopting.

are dealing with a complex issue.

the emotions of a found parent, or adoptee, and complex family relationships affected.

a way to counsel and inform

with compassion and understanding of what happened in the past, how to heal those hurts, and deal with the present.
My heart goes out to you

What lines of bullshit…it is only written for ‘show’. Knowing Joan Wheeler, as well as I do, she has no compassion and understanding for anyone who is pro-adoption. Once, in 1981, I went to a professional mediation group looking for a way to solve our dispute. When asked, by the counselor, if Joan would sit with me and a mediator, Joan said ‘go to hell’. So don’t listen to Joan’s false words of compassion, understanding and how to heal. Her heart goes out to no one but herself!


  1. She was setting herself up to be something she is not. You’re right. Very manipulative and calculated. If she were truly interested in healing from her adoption, she wouldn’t have caused so much harm by naming names and harming the birth sisters with her book. It was counter-productive! But her intention was never to heal past wounds and hurt. Her intention was to seek revenge for the wrongs committed against her. Poor, pathetic woman! What an angry and spiteful woman. All she had to do was shut up and step outside of herself for a bit and practice some compassion and empathy. Oh, but people like her can’t do that. The eternal victims. She refuses to be accountable for her life…her happiness, her pain, her suffering…it’s all someone else’s fault. Uuugghh!

  2. right you are, Paula! thank you for your insights!
    Joan is incapable of healing herself, for if she paid attention to her SELF she would have to GIVE UP her anger and hate, but she can’t for they are the only emotions that make her life a life.

Ruth here -

compassion?” riiiiggghtt – Joan sure showed ME compassion when in 1987, two years after my miscarriage, (and Joan knew I was grieving AND she knew that I had tried for four years to conceive) – during a phone conversation – Joan keeps babbling about infertility. I told her once, twice, a third time, that I did NOT want to talk about the subject. Did she abide by my wishes? NO! She had the nerve to say “I know more about infertility than you think I do.” Really? she knows only book things – she knows only what other people TELL her – BUT she does NOT know about infertility, because she had two children. There is absolutely NO way that Joan can “know” about infertility anymore than I can know about giving birth!
Sooo, when she came at me with that comment, I slammed the phone down on her. COMPASSION? oh hell no! Joan showed NO compassion to me.

THEN – because a couple of days later, I found a new place to live, when I did move a month later, I had my mail forwarded to a friend’s house in Lackawanna, NY. Joan CALLED MY SUPERVISOR AT WORK – trying to “find” me. She kept calling my job. Just about every night there was a note on my time card “Ruth, call Joan Wheeler 876-6419.” I would always throw the notes in the garbage. My supervisor told me that Joan whined to her on the phone that “she didn’t know why I didn’t want anything to do with her.” And my supervisor told me that she told Joan, “we can’t make Ruth call you.”
Now what was that that Joan said about the woman coming at her at the dinner party: “I was shaking and in tears, for I didn’t know why this woman was yelling at me.” – yep – that’s Joan, liar. She does things to antagonize people and then claims she doesn’t know why people get mad at her. She said it several times in her book when people came at her ‘ “I was shocked..” “I was surprised…” “I don’t know why…” Joan is either very STUPID or just a plain out trouble maker and liar! Either way – she’s someone to avoid.
Also – in her book, in person and on the internet – she’s always throwing accusations our at her birth family about us all “stalking” her. – Well, you know what? Stupid me, in 1988, I called her up and told her where I was living and hooked back up with her (what the HELL was I thinking?) – She told me that she had gone to the post office to get my forwarding address and was directed to the address in Lackawanna, and she drove over there, but was “confused” because there was an Arab family living there.
okay – STALKING!
going to the post office to get my forwarding address
driving to that address to find me
calling my supervisor to whine about me not calling her
calling my job repeatedly leaving messages

Joan still lives in a false sense of reality! and totally unaware that HER PAST does resurface!

In recent days…she posted about an article on Yahoo saying…

“this article was written by an ex-boyfriend of mine! yeah Rich Richard Weizel”

Yep but she DOESN’T tell what the ex and her were ATTEMPTING to do with exploiting the birth family! But we know and in due time will EXPOSE that evidence!

then she posted this little goodie

“Glad to help out! 38 years ago, I began writing about my life in journals, diaries. I just wrote because I had the urge to organize my thoughts. Much was not appropriate for a book, but other bits became a book. Soon to be published in a revised edition! — with Northside Writers’ help, your writings will not take as long to shape up!”

She is a con-artist! on top of being a liar! there can NOT be a revised edition of a libelous book that has been pulled from publication, by the publisher. That is why Joan has been cultivating and using the writer’s group and others. Those ‘other bits became a book’ NEVER should have been in the book…they are what made that book libelous! My advise to people is to get as far away from her as possible are your name is be forever linked to a liar!

Gert – when you say, ” there can NOT be a revised edition of a libelous book that has been pulled from publication, by the publisher.” – you should have said – THERE CAN NOT BE A REVISED EDITION OF THE TRUTH! – Because when Joan signed a contract with Trafford Publishers to have her book published, she told them that everything in it was the TRUTH. When she began promoting that book, she said on various places on the internet that her book was the TRUTH. But in reading that book, I found many lies in it – and I still had documentation that PROVED what Joan wrote in her book was FALSE. That documentation was sent to Trafford and their legal department saw that Joan LIED to them and they pulled the book.
So – now Joan is REVISING her book. Now tell me Joan – if it is necessary to REVISE it, then it WASN’T THE TRUTH like you said it was.

“Adoption crap just doesn’t stop!” says #JoanWheeler

Gosh it must be terrible to always have ‘crap’ in one’s face! Doesn’t she have any soap and water to get that ‘crap’ off her face and out of her life?

I have a personal philosophy: if I’m miserable, doing something, or thinking about something, why am I doing it or thinking of it? And then I drop that miserable whatever! There’s enough general pain and anguish in life as it is, so why not dump the crap and move on to more pleasant things. Hanging on to negative thoughts and actions will only make a person sick and old before their time! Looking at Joan Wheeler’s profile picture I can see just how sick and old she is, today, long before her time.

But, you know the adage; you can lead a horse to water…but you can’t make him drink…even if he’s dying of thirst! Make no mistake, Joan is dying because she will NOT let go of her anger and hate and drink the waters of life.

Recently, May 16, 2014, I was shown some ‘new’ comments by Joan on her Facebook page. She sure likes to suffer! Her comments that follow are in italics…mine are in normal typeface.

I’ve noticed that Joan LOVES to point out various aspects of her life of WOE and HARDSHIP, trying to elicit sympathy; she craves it and will gravel to gain it!

In the following comment, she had just given praise for some adoption reform event and then right on the heels of that followed it up with…

I would have been there had it not been for personal problems

Translation: see, it’s these personal problems that are stopping me! Pity me I have so many problems!

Then, on another thread, she goes on a rampage, her usual mode of operation, combining her disgust on, and about, something positive about adoption. Heaven forbid that ANYONE would think that there is anything POSITIVE about adoption! You’ll get the gist of it and see how Joan uses her ‘outrage’ to ‘browbeat’ yet another innocent person! Joan’s philosophy is to ‘reach out and touch and educate (read intimidate) every individual she encounters to the evils of adoption’. There are several problems with that approach, of course, but mostly when Joan does this she has NO IDEA that people see her as a NUT CASE.

Adoption crap just doesn’t stop.

I showed up at my doctor’s office for a check up today. As the receptionist checks me in, I notice her lovely heart shaped necklace. I asked her what it was since I had never seen such an intricate diamond necklace. She said it was Jane Seymore’s Open Heart necklace.

I immediately froze up, recalling the fiasco of this past Feb over that disgusting TV commercial in the hospital showing the door of the delivery room, the nurse bringing a newborn to a waiting couple, and the husband giving his wife the necklace, saying, “Gee, hon, we are now adoptive parents.”

I, Gert, interrupt this tale to point out Joan’s hyper state of awareness to ANYTHING positive to adoption, she froze up and is high alert stage! Continuing on…

I told the receptionist I, along with thousands of adoption activists, are boycotting Jane Seymore and Kay Jewelers. I told her the story. As the receptionists listened, I told her how we are insulted by this TV commercial and the commodification of babies and mothers. I then pulled up my Broken Heart Adoption Necklace from …. and told her that I was one of the first people to buy it. (How are sales going, Tracy?)

Gert interrupting the story again…where DOES Joan get $$$ to go to conventions and purchase jewelry? She’s on NY State disability! Working the system, she must be! Notice how Joan goes right for the jugger vein? She doesn’t care that the receptionist is just a receptionist doing her job! Joan has a ‘captive audience’, the poor receptionist probably wanted to tell Joan to shut up!

The receptionist got her education today! She was in shock. Good. Another non-adopted person to learn the truth of adoption. 

That’s all Joan cares about, shocking people and force feeding them the ‘truth’ about adoption.

The good news: she listened! She understood! One more person awakened.

Joan loves the shock and awe approach blind-siding people. Of course Joan is blind herself for she assumes that she did a good deed that the woman WANTED to listen to her and that she UNDERSTOOD and became AWAKENED! Savior Joan Wheeler strikes again with her own brand of GOOD NEWS. Joan is like one of those religious fundamentalists that she rails against! Joan just switched adoption with religion! Same BS, same tactics!

Anyone care to post the links to the great articles written about that disgusting commercial? We need to liven up the comment sections again.

By all means, call in the troops, go after innocent people who adopt. General Joan Wheeler taking full command of the hordes of angry adoptees!

Seems to me that Joan only ‘feels’ alive when she can sink her teeth into her anger and hate over adoption. She acts like an ‘addict’ looking for her next fix, as in this comment…

I feel the need for some lovin, adoption reform style! Snark, much?

And this comment…

What the hell is/was the story on “the adoption lynch mob needs to take a chill pill”? Damn, I missed a good one! Linky Please! I feel the need for some S and M tonight, adoption reform style, that is!

Gert here again; Joan probably was in one of her ‘depressive’ moods; she is after all bipolar. And now she’s emerged into her manic mood! For obviously she is so excited that she is ‘wetting her pants’, ‘chopping at the bit’, because she missed a good story where she could have applied her skills of browbeating, insulting and intimidation! She WANTS a link! She NEEDS S and M! I’ve said this many times before, Joan is into inflicting pain onto others and herself; that’s what makes her alive.

here’s the link in case anyone is interested…

Then there’s this goodie, where she attempts, again, to browbeat and MAKE the other person wrong for their opinion/choice. According to Joan, NO adoption is right and it should be abolished. There is no other position. Joan will make dam sure that everyone gets it, her position, and right up close and in your face. Anyone and everyone who adopts are WRONG. Joan will go to the ends of the earth to make sure they all know it.

Every adoption is different, and, from my won experience, and other reformists, gay men and lesbians can be well-meaning, but also niave. And some are selfish, just as any other adoptive parent. We reformists, or abolitionists, take the stand that NO adoption is best! Here’s why: you can achieve the same thing (provide a loving home to a child who needs a home) without striping the child of her or his birth certificate for life. And taking away the family of birth for life. Legal Guardianship provides for a legal relationship between the adults who will care for the child and the child, but will retain the child’s name of birth and place within the family of birth. In the situation you describe, when a mother does not want to be a parent, she can lose custody (as in a divorce or foster care), but she is still the child’s mother. This is best for the child’s self identity. And self esteem. I don’t know Dan as well as you do, and I now see why he jumped at me that time at Panera’s. He’s a sensitive gay man who thinks I’ll try to take away his gay rights. Nothing could be further from the truth. I respect gays and lesbians rights. But, when two Dads or two Moms want to be named on a new, amended, birth certificate created upon adoption, that is just ridiculous. The “right” to adopt, should not mean to further confuse the child! A child knows it takes one egg and one sperm to make a baby — and any two parents of the same gender who insist on being named on a new FALSIFIED birth certificate are not only lying, but insisting on making a deeper falsehood than when two heterosexuals adopt a stranger’s child. This is very complex. …So, I mean no disrespect to Dan and his husband, or to the adoptee. Keep in mind, I’ve been at this for 40 years. Seen and heard it all. In the end, the adoptee suffers. …The mother of Dan’s adoptee needs serious help. She is beyond reasoning. But to deny the truth of who is the mother while pretending two fathers created the adoptee by this could all back fire someday. …Thank you for reading and communicating!!!

And this

Even Open Adoptions stink! Open adoptions still result in the adoptee’s birth certificate sealed by the state, and a false one issued to replace it.

Gert …yep even open adoption is no good for Joan! She also doesn’t like, nor accept, ‘step-parent’ adoption, like what I did with my second husband. In my case Joan interfered with my parental rights and when I would NOT listen to her she called false child abuse on me, twice.

Joan is stuck on ‘false’ documents. She doesn’t care about human beings nor their rights! She doesn’t see any ‘need’ for humans to be adopted. All she sees is that adoption results in a false document. She does NOT accept that there is a need for that. Even WHEN the laws change, to allow medical history and identity known to an adoptee, Joan will NOT be satisfied! She must eradicate all false birth certificates!

And, as seen in the following comment, when someone, anyone, DIFFERS in opinion or STATES that they FEEL they are being attack, because they see the issue differently, Joan just continues on with her observations, opinions and diagnosis, of those that do not see adoption in the same way as she does. Joan must make everyone think like herself.

We’re not attacking you!!! You are the one asking, so it will be hard listening to all the anger and hurt that adoption caused us. I will say this, that evening I met all of you at Panera’s, I was new to that group (still interested, just busy). I felt something was up with Dan the way he reacted to me when I said I was writing a book about my adoption-reunion. We are all experts at our own lives, that’s for sure. I had no idea Dan wrote a book! Fabulous! I’ll have to get it! No matter how much an author tries to make a manuscript feel good to all people involved,, it just won’t happen. Famikly members are going to be upset, no matter what. And Ii will try to calm him down next time I see him! Friends, right!? He’s on the defensive. He’s okay. As long as he’s willing to listen to how an adoptee feels.

We’re not attacking you!!!

Gert … The ‘we’ are Joan, and other adoptees, attempting (forcing) their views upon another. Joan does NOT see that she is indeed attacking the other. Joan has no conception of how true conversations and debates work; the give and take of ‘facts’ and ‘point counter-point’ versus ‘opinions that must be accepted’ and agreeing to disagree! Joan MUST have the upper hand and MUST make sure the other ACCEPTS her opinion. Joan is a fundamentalist and a fanatic!

We are all experts at our own lives, that’s for sure.

Gert…Well then, if that statement is correct, why did she write about my life, my children’s lives, my siblings’ lives, my parents’ lives and others’ lives and CLAIM that her VIEW is a truthful account? No, Joan is blowing smoke up every one’s ass! Joan’s view, her perceptions are the ONLY expert opinion that counts, in her mind.

Famikly members are going to be upset, no matter what

Gert…Well if one KNOWS this, then they should use discretion and be sensitive to family members, but NO, Joan has no feelings for anyone but herself! All she cares about is her views and feelings and she shall have the only right to expression.

will try to calm him down next time I see him! Friends, right!? He’s on the defensive.

 Gert…OH so Joan the great social worker will ‘calm him down’! And what if he doesn’t want her interference/intervention? She’s done this many times! She knows what everyone else NEEDS. I, and other family members, have been on the receiving end of Joan helpfulness!

Then she throws out the carrot, to whom she is talking; we still are ‘FRIENDS’, right…meaning, she just turned the tables on the person! That’s a diffusion tactic! Right after she insults the intelligence of the person she’s talking to, she indicates they are still ‘friends’ and IF the other says NO WE ARE NOT, then Joan has that individual by the balls! Oh Joan is GOOD, good at projecting a lot of bullshit!

Also notice how she PROCLAIMS that the person they are talking about is ON THE DEFENSIVE! How can Joan KNOW this? Because she’s a master at diagnosing the inner workings of everyone but herself!

He’s okay. As long as he’s willing to listen to how an adoptee feels.

Gert…Sure, he is okay! He’s being held hostage by Joan! He either listens to how an adoptee FEELS or he becomes an enemy! What a bargain!

Yep, Joan has all the tricks mastered.

Mother’s Day


a wonderful dedication post by Ruth

Originally posted on Ruth Sippel Pace - Family Stories:

 Yesterday, May 11, 2014 was Mother’s Day.

 I lost my mother when I was three years old. I don’t remember her. There are no pictures of her holding me. But I miss her. I visit her grave from time to time, leaving a few flowers from my garden. I only live about 2 miles from the cemetery, so it’s not difficult to go.

March 28, 2014, marked the 58th anniversary of her death. March is really not a good time to visit the cemetary. I don’t like the cold. I like to go when it’s sunny and warm and the flowers are in bloom. I love flowers, roses are my favorite. I don’t know what kind of flowers Mom liked.

In February, one of my facebook friends posted a nice picture of a bouguet of roses in the clouds – there was a space on the left side…

View original 371 more words

Any topic, no matter how far-fetched or outlandish, #JoanWheeler will find something that she can latch onto…

…in order to use to promote her hate and anger and to repeat her version of what she thinks happened to her. Joan cannot ever ‘let it go’, she must always, find any avenue to be able to voice her anger at being adopted and it doesn’t matter what year it is! 2010, 2012, 2014…how much longer do we all have to hear the same old, same old?

My comments will follow Joan’s (halforphan56) piece here (misspellings are Joan’s)…

I have here the blog and post link and Joan’s comment…but…when I went to check them out (May 2014) it appears as if this particular post is GONE. Can’t imagine why! Even adoptees are putting distance between themselves and Joan Wheeler! And the halforphan’s comment goes directly to her web site!…/what-sins-did-jesus-commit-to-solve...

What Sins Did Jesus Commit to Solve Social Issues?

halforphan56HYPERLINK “″ \l “c4423584698088092791″October 30, 2010 1:50 PM

Great post, A….I’ve always wondered about these topics, but you said it better than I could. Maybe that’s because you are closer to the religious aspects than I am. I left the Catholic Church so long ago because I couldn’t live the lies the church, and everyone else around me, wanted me to live. I hate the way Jesus is thrown around without the actual realization of what lying is and how that pertains to adoption and the adoptee’s falsified birth certificate. In my case, I have a falsified Baptismal certifcate, too, with a priest’s signature and raised seal of the Catholic Church. So the lying is more than the name change and falsified birth certificate. For me, it is the priest’s own hand in manipulating who baptised me, who my parents are, who my godparents are, what name I was given at birth and at baptism and later the falsfied baptismal certificate, and how that was changed when I was adopted: all sanctified by the priest’s signature. Also, the fact that a priest talked my father into giving me up (at my mother’s funeral no less), so no, Catholics can all go to hell for messing up my life.

Gert here:

I can certainly agree with the sentiment about the ways Jesus is used to promote/decry anything, by anyone. How many Jesus-es  are in the world? How many believers are there? That’s how many Jesus-es there are and each believer has a different view of JC…but that’s not our concern here. Nor is any one’s views or feelings or thinking about the Catholic Church, mine included. I certainly have many of my own objections, but, we are not talking about anyone except Joan, here, and her views of hate and anger.

Now, what we want to examine here is Joan’s anger and hate and her faulty logic and her inability to understand and rectify what and how state and church work together, or not. Her statement…‘Catholics can all go to hell for messing up my life’…only shows her anger and her inability to LET GO. Anyone who is Catholic is an enemy and she hates all of the enemies! Many people leave the Church for many reasons; I have, but, I don’t hold each and every Catholic accountable for real or imagined crime against me.

The Church, like any other organization, has a structure, with those on the bottom of the ladder, those worker-bees, are only are ‘following orders’. In the case of any religious organization, in this country, they have to obey the rules of the land, i.e., the laws of the United States of American.

Joan has written letters to past Presidents of the US and to the Pope, but, unless she drops her anger and hate, she will NEVER GET ANYWHERE with anyone.

One of Joan’s problems is that she refuses to acknowledge that the laws governing adoption are made by and via legislature. If she wants CHANGE, than she needs to LOBBY the law-makers. NOTHING gets done, no change happens, when all a person does is to bitch and bitch and bitch, to people that have NO POWER to change anything! Joan is wasting her breath and precious life by complaining to everyone and no one! So, if the laws, of adoption, state that birth certificates and baptismal certificates must be changed, to reflect the change of name of person being adopted and the parents, then that is what has to BE DONE! It is a legal fiction similar to what happened(s) with immigrants where their names are misspelled on purpose or by accident! Legal fictions happen everywhere and are a fact of life.

To Joan, her adoption, ‘with a priest’s signature and raised seal of the Catholic Church’…is a conspiracy against her, personally! Sounds like paranoid to me.  If she really was interested in changing the laws and the way things are done, she would get herself into some kind of organized LOBBYING that is done with petitions and calm discussions!

Add to the perceived conspiracy, the additional sin, of a repeated hearsay, from the adopted parents, which has no real validness other than in Joan’s mind, that a priest talked my father into giving me up (at my mother’s funeral no less!)’ Well there are many people, who had a priest tell them something, according to Church thinking, and it is NO reason to hold onto a grudge. I had a priest tell me, moments before my marriage, that I did not have to marry the ‘non-Catholic'; I could have the baby and place him into adoption!! Oh my, isn’t that what Joan harps on…that the Church TAKES the baby away from the mother!!! Well, I got married and kept my baby…who then was ADOPTED later by his step-father. And it was JOAN WHEELER who interfered with that adoption process. What a two-faced hypocrite Joan is! All I see in this comment is just another place for Joan to speak her hate and anger and no good ever comes from that!

I have addressed this issue of legal fictions and birth certificates in several past post, here I draw attention to one post where I discuss this topic and a chapter from the book@..

Birth certificates and amended adoption certificates are NOT evidence of state fraud…they are vital statics! on March 1, 2012

Next I want to present Joan’s own words, from the libelous book that got pulled from publication, in 2011, about how she WENT AFTER the individual priest who signed her baptismal certificate; talk about a stalker and a bully! She also feels compelled to hold other people to standards that she herself refuses to follow, such as, not lying and not being honorable.

Page 475 of Forbidden Family, a libelous book that has been pulled from publication, and I quote the author Joan Wheeler;

The Catholic Church is also Guilty of Fraud

The Catholic Church officially issued, and certified to be true, a false baptismal certificate. Issued three years after my baptism, my new baptismal certificate gives the impression that my legal name is the name in which I was baptized. This is not true. These lies were signed by a priest testifying to the truth of the information on the document. By the time I formulated my questions and searched for this priest to ask him if he understood the consequences of his signature on a false religious document, I discovered that he was in a nursing home. I let him alone to meet his maker without confronting him. Years later in 2008, I wrote my first letter of complaint to the Pope. It was acknowledged with a form letter from the Vatican. I wrote my second letter to the Pope in early 2009. That letter has yet to be answered either by another simple form letter, or by an official Vatican acknowledgment of the issue of a priest’s signature on a false religious document. The 9th Commandment says, ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness.’ The church of my childhood, and the parents who raised me, taught me to be honest.’

Let’s look a little closer at two issues here:

By the time I formulated my questions and searched for this priest to ask him if he understood the consequences of his signature on a false religious document, I discovered that he was in a nursing home. I let him alone to meet his maker without confronting him.

Isn’t that magnanimous of her! She let an old priest, in a nursing home, alone! If he wasn’t, in a nursing home, she would certainly have confronted him! The priest was ‘just following orders’, he wasn’t the one who made the rules! But no, to Joan, SOMEONE had to pay and she was willing to search for the poor old man. She wants this old priest to understand the consequences of his signature but she is never willing, nor does she ever, to take responsibility and consequences of her own actions. So, because she was unable to have her ‘revenge’ on this old priest, she mocks him with his doom of ‘meeting his maker’. And this is how one treats the elderly! Oh yes, Joan Wheeler browbeats those weaker than herself.

The 9th Commandment says, ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness.’ The church of my childhood, and the parents who raised me, taught me to be honest.

For someone who denies and condemns the Church why does she use their laws! Seems to me that that’s a case of ‘having her cake and eating it too’! No, this is pure mockery, Joan Wheeler likes to mock people. And if Joan believes that 9th Commandment then why has she NOT obeyed and followed it herself? If she was taught to be honest, then, why is Joan Wheeler so dishonest and dishonorable? Why does she lie? Because she doesn’t know anything except her hate and anger! And more and more people are beginning to see the real Joan Wheeler!


good post Gert – and I want to add this observation of another hypocritical LIE told by Joan:
Gert points out and quotes JOAN WHEELER’S OWN WORDS FROM HER BOOK: “The 9th Commandment says, ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness.’ The church of my childhood, and the parents who raised me, taught me to be honest.”
I call BULLSHIT on this – Because Joan told MANY lies about me in that in book. And I had the documented PROOF of those lies – actual Buffalo City Court documents – and those documents were sent to Trafford Publications and that is why her book was pulled from publication – because Joan Wheeler BORE FALSE WITNESS against me, her own sister. Joan is NOT honest, despite saying her parents raised and taught her to be – because in 1989 – she withdrew money from a joint checking account that we had for the purpose of buying real estate – most of the money was MINE – and Joan, WITHOUT MY PERMISSION – withdrew MY money to fix her car, buy hamburgers at the mall and god knows what else she did. When you take someone’s money without their permission – that is called STEALING – so tell us again Joan how HONEST and TRUTHFUL you are!

Being lied to and lying…the inner workings of #JoanWheeler’s mind!

Learning how Joan Wheeler’s mind works,  is a fascinating exercise! She objects strongly that she was lied to, but she thinks NOTHING about how she continuously lies! She does NOT allow anyone to have ‘their own view’ of anything. She is incapable of putting herself in the shoes of another. Her view is the only one that counts!

This post is about what she wrote on the public forum for Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change. The forum is no longer public because I have exposed so much of their negative attitudes. If people don’t want the world to see their words they should never be on any public forum. But, Joan was, still is, on public forums and she continues to lie.

Joan’s inner workings; she rails against injustices done to her but NEVER sees the injustices that she DOES to others. Here she is, as 1adoptee, addressing a quote, by someone and then enlightening us all, with her advise that she, herself, does not abide by.

Title: Re: I want to know what others think…
Post by: 1adoptee on April 19, 2011, 01:44:14 PM

Quote   You would at least have it off our chest and let her know the jig is up.

A few years ago, my therapist asked me if my amom knew how I felt about being lied to all of my life. That stopped me cold. No, she didn’t know because I didn’t tell her exactly how I felt and why. So I did. It doesn’t matter how old they are, you just have to come clean with your feelings and be specific as to why. You may not get a response, but you may get a partial response. My amom at least talked through some of the issues of adoption and we came to resolution about the official lie of our birth certificates,, but as to keeping my adoption a secret, no, there was never a resolution of that issue. Once your aparents die, there is only you left to cope with the mess. That part is not very helpful, but at least if you speak your mind now you won’t be regretful when she is no longer here to attempt to talk things out. Therapy is the only way to get through the rest.

Gert here…Certainly, the way we are brought up will either give us power or make us powerless. It is my firm belief that Joan was raised to be powerless. It doesn’t take any kind of degree to figure that out. But for all the years of having a ‘therapist’ you would think that Joan would have learned something and change her life. Alas she has not! Joan is so good at being able to tell these faceless writers, on a public forum, about HOW to deal with their demons, but Joan can’t deal with her own! How many more years will Joan need to be in therapy before she understands that she was adopted and that adoption is NOT bad or a wrong thing?

It is Joan’s bad luck ??? to have been adopted BY THOSE PARENTS and to have had the upbringing that she had. I question the luck issue because you know it is possible that her SOUL choose to be adopted so that her SOUL could learn needed lessons…but that is not for this discussion. But, the fact that she was adopted by those parents does not make ADOPTION A BAD THING. Joan has been beating up the wrong dead horse all her life. It is NOT adoption, it was her adopted parents and adoptive family that were, perhaps, the bad thing. Joan would gain much if she recognized that and stopped beating up the wrong institutions and people.

Joan says…you won’t be regretful when she is no longer here to attempt to talk things out.

Again here is an example of Joan’s two-faced logic. Joan NEVER wanted to and still does not want to talk things out with the birth siblings and family! No, she wrote a lying libelous book to make sure that she doesn’t have to talk things out! Her book is the TRUTH and she is sticking to that, even though she, and it, have been proven totally false and libelous. If Joan HAD talked things out with us, and mended her ways, she could have written a book that was truthful and NOT filled with angry hate. But, Joan NEVER learns.

Title: Re: I want to know what others think…
Post by: 1adoptee on April 19, 2011, 01:49:41 PM

I also want to address the idea that someone brought up about the difference of being crazy rather than being mean. I think there is a distinct possiblity that amoms are in such denial of the horrors that adoption lies have put their adotpees through that they just can’t come clean with what they did. Back in the fifties, it was the thing to do: raise a child as happy and as care-free as possible. So what if there were major ommissions in the truth of the background of the adoptee? That doesn’t matter because we’ve got you now and everything is going to okay. In their minds, they did nothing wrong. But speak your mind to your amom anyway, may be you’ll break through.

Gert here…is there really a difference between being crazy and being mean? I really wonder! A person can’t be mean-spirited and NOT be crazy.

Certainly everyone gets mean on occasion but to carry it along as routine behavior indicates a more serious condition, such as a mental illness. It has been obvious to everyone in the birth family and to the adopted parents that Joan Wheeler has some sort of mental illness. That being said, it is Joan who is both mean and crazy and ought not be dispensing advise to people who obviously have a very low opinion of themselves in the first place. An ethical social worker Joan Wheeler is NOT. She has NEVER worked in the field! Her newest venture…on-line social work…really puts her in avenue where she can hurt innocent people without being called on it. Is there any over-sight on individuals who practice on-line social work?

I think that it is in terrible bad taste, as well as cruel and unfeeling, and untruthful, for Joan to make blanket statements such as this…

that amoms are in such denial of the horrors that adoption lies have put their adotpees through that they just can’t come clean with what they did

This statement/belief says these adopted mothers did horrors!! By adopting a child!! And obeying the rules of the land and adoption, by keeping the identity of birth family to themselves. It is totally in Joan’s mind that adoption and adopted parents are wrong. Joan hates adoption! Joan hates her adopted mother (deceased now) but Joan still hates!

And Joan isn’t mean or cruel or crazy?? Sure!! Tell me another fairy tale!


so much I could say here – and I will – and usually turn it into my own blog post – but I want to share something here that Joan really should read – and learn from – it is something one of my facebook buddies David Gerrold wrote. He adopted a son about 15 years ago – and he and his son have a wonderful relationship. Please go read this –   * see note at end of this blog post.


darn internet cut out on me while I was gathering my thoughts about what David wrote and what lessons Joan really needs to learn – but I don’t think I could say it any better than how David said it:

“When Sean first moved in with me, he was carrying a lot of bad memories. (I don’t know the details, I never asked. I listened when he shared, but I didn’t probe.) In fact, he had so few good memories, he couldn’t extrapolate a future for himself. He didn’t see himself surviving.

So I made up a rule that every day, it didn’t matter what, we would do something together to create a good memory — take the dog for a walk, make cookies, play cowboys and other cowboys on the front lawn, anything that would make us both laugh. Within two weeks, I could start saying, “Remember when we….” so I could fill his memory library with good things.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, nobody does. I can make plans, he can make plans, but we’ve both learned how to roll with the unexpected earthquake too. In the meantime, we’re still looking for ways to create happy memories every day.

Trying new flavors of coffee isn’t about the coffee as much as it’s about having fun together. And it’s cheaper and easier than going to Starbucks.” * see note at end of this blog post.

I don’t know why the Wheelers weren’t good parents to Joan. But obviously there are good people out there who ARE good parents – and some of them are “adoptive” parents.

Gert said “…the fact that she was adopted by those parents does not make ADOPTION A BAD THING. Joan has been beating up the wrong dead horse all her life. It is NOT adoption, it was her adopted parents and adoptive family that were, perhaps, the bad thing. Joan would gain much if she recognized that and stopped beating up the wrong institutions and people.”

That is the whole truth. It is clear to anyone who knows Joan personally or reads her writings that the Wheelers mentally abused her. And physically abused her.

Joan needs to WORK WITH her therapist and confront this. She needs to put the blame squarely on those who abused her and messed up her head. Continuing to say things like she wants to totally eradicate the instituion of adoption is her clinging to a spectacularly futile and wasteful endeavor. There will ALWAYS be orphaned children (no matter what circumstances led them to being orphaned) and there will ALWAYS be people who have hearts capable of loving those children. Yes, there will always be child abuse, and Joan would do well to put her efforts into fighting that.


Joan continously says on the internet that she was stalked her entire life by her birth siblings. This is a statement that is not only false, but clearly shows where she is putting the blame for her adoption – ON HER BIRTH SIBLINGS!
HER ENTIRE LIFE is what she says – so let’s see – she was born in 1956 – in 1956, I was three years old, turning four in August 1956. My brother had just turned 6 in 1956, Kathy turned 8 and Gert turned 9 years old in 1956.
How do four little kids stalk someone? Joan’s statements about her birth siblings are not only lies –  they are not rational!

Joan’s hatred and bitterness towards her birth-sisters are born of an irrational, delusional, and totally incorrect thought. – We had nothing to do with her adoption! We did not stalk her for her entire life. We are NOT the cause for Joan’s inner demons. We are just convenient punching bags for her because she cannot and will not put the blame for her miserable life on the person who is responsible – the woman who raised her.

*note – material by David Gerrold used by permission. Thank you David.


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