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Reclaiming our Family Honor!

Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!

Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om

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“Damaged people damage people.”…. And my brain has been racing ever since — because damaged people don’t have to stay damaged”… David Gerrold

Update February 12, 2014…

I’ve again revamped and moved around a few items from this front page to my about page. As of this date, this blog has over 9,500 views! and that’s since I started this blog in July 2011!

The purpose of this blog is about exposing all the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family and telling the truth of myself and my family.

It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler.

Our commentary and reporting is our business.

The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.

This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT BORN in 1955 and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.

Yep, the worst thing Joan Wheeler ever did was to publish that lying book. Now she will have to live with that dead book tied around her neck until we set everything in it straight and right and it starts to stink and rot OR she decides to make it right and remove ALL references to Forbidden Family on her two web sites and apology to us siblings and our parents!
Warning…the contents of this blog are not suitable for young impressible minds or for people who believe everything Joan Wheeler has said or written. Believe her at your own risk!
see joint post of Gert and Ruth
update of February 2014…Joan has still NOT answered any of our charges against her…in fact when asked directly she runs and hides away, or screams that we are harassing her…so we shall continue on until she answers to the dirty deeds and words she has said and deeds she has done. Joan still has NOT removed her hate blogs against us or gotten her friends to get rid of theirs, so we shall just carry on. Everything Joan and her friends have done to the birth family are part of the historical record.

Being lied to and lying…the inner workings of #JoanWheeler’s mind!

Learning how Joan Wheeler’s mind works,  is a fascinating exercise! She objects strongly that she was lied to, but she thinks NOTHING about how she continuously lies! She does NOT allow anyone to have ‘their own view’ of anything. She is incapable of putting herself in the shoes of another. Her view is the only one that counts!

This post is about what she wrote on the public forum for Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change. The forum is no longer public because I have exposed so much of their negative attitudes. If people don’t want the world to see their words they should never be on any public forum. But, Joan was, still is, on public forums and she continues to lie.

Joan’s inner workings; she rails against injustices done to her but NEVER sees the injustices that she DOES to others. Here she is, as 1adoptee, addressing a quote, by someone and then enlightening us all, with her advise that she, herself, does not abide by.

Title: Re: I want to know what others think…
Post by: 1adoptee on April 19, 2011, 01:44:14 PM

Quote   You would at least have it off our chest and let her know the jig is up.

A few years ago, my therapist asked me if my amom knew how I felt about being lied to all of my life. That stopped me cold. No, she didn’t know because I didn’t tell her exactly how I felt and why. So I did. It doesn’t matter how old they are, you just have to come clean with your feelings and be specific as to why. You may not get a response, but you may get a partial response. My amom at least talked through some of the issues of adoption and we came to resolution about the official lie of our birth certificates,, but as to keeping my adoption a secret, no, there was never a resolution of that issue. Once your aparents die, there is only you left to cope with the mess. That part is not very helpful, but at least if you speak your mind now you won’t be regretful when she is no longer here to attempt to talk things out. Therapy is the only way to get through the rest.

Gert here…Certainly, the way we are brought up will either give us power or make us powerless. It is my firm belief that Joan was raised to be powerless. It doesn’t take any kind of degree to figure that out. But for all the years of having a ‘therapist’ you would think that Joan would have learned something and change her life. Alas she has not! Joan is so good at being able to tell these faceless writers, on a public forum, about HOW to deal with their demons, but Joan can’t deal with her own! How many more years will Joan need to be in therapy before she understands that she was adopted and that adoption is NOT bad or a wrong thing?

It is Joan’s bad luck ??? to have been adopted BY THOSE PARENTS and to have had the upbringing that she had. I question the luck issue because you know it is possible that her SOUL choose to be adopted so that her SOUL could learn needed lessons…but that is not for this discussion. But, the fact that she was adopted by those parents does not make ADOPTION A BAD THING. Joan has been beating up the wrong dead horse all her life. It is NOT adoption, it was her adopted parents and adoptive family that were, perhaps, the bad thing. Joan would gain much if she recognized that and stopped beating up the wrong institutions and people.

Joan says…you won’t be regretful when she is no longer here to attempt to talk things out.

Again here is an example of Joan’s two-faced logic. Joan NEVER wanted to and still does not want to talk things out with the birth siblings and family! No, she wrote a lying libelous book to make sure that she doesn’t have to talk things out! Her book is the TRUTH and she is sticking to that, even though she, and it, have been proven totally false and libelous. If Joan HAD talked things out with us, and mended her ways, she could have written a book that was truthful and NOT filled with angry hate. But, Joan NEVER learns.

Title: Re: I want to know what others think…
Post by: 1adoptee on April 19, 2011, 01:49:41 PM

I also want to address the idea that someone brought up about the difference of being crazy rather than being mean. I think there is a distinct possiblity that amoms are in such denial of the horrors that adoption lies have put their adotpees through that they just can’t come clean with what they did. Back in the fifties, it was the thing to do: raise a child as happy and as care-free as possible. So what if there were major ommissions in the truth of the background of the adoptee? That doesn’t matter because we’ve got you now and everything is going to okay. In their minds, they did nothing wrong. But speak your mind to your amom anyway, may be you’ll break through.

Gert here…is there really a difference between being crazy and being mean? I really wonder! A person can’t be mean-spirited and NOT be crazy.

Certainly everyone gets mean on occasion but to carry it along as routine behavior indicates a more serious condition, such as a mental illness. It has been obvious to everyone in the birth family and to the adopted parents that Joan Wheeler has some sort of mental illness. That being said, it is Joan who is both mean and crazy and ought not be dispensing advise to people who obviously have a very low opinion of themselves in the first place. An ethical social worker Joan Wheeler is NOT. She has NEVER worked in the field! Her newest venture…on-line social work…really puts her in avenue where she can hurt innocent people without being called on it. Is there any over-sight on individuals who practice on-line social work?

I think that it is in terrible bad taste, as well as cruel and unfeeling, and untruthful, for Joan to make blanket statements such as this…

that amoms are in such denial of the horrors that adoption lies have put their adotpees through that they just can’t come clean with what they did

This statement/belief says these adopted mothers did horrors!! By adopting a child!! And obeying the rules of the land and adoption, by keeping the identity of birth family to themselves. It is totally in Joan’s mind that adoption and adopted parents are wrong. Joan hates adoption! Joan hates her adopted mother (deceased now) but Joan still hates!

And Joan isn’t mean or cruel or crazy?? Sure!! Tell me another fairy tale!

Ruth

so much I could say here – and I will – and usually turn it into my own blog post – but I want to share something here that Joan really should read – and learn from – it is something one of my facebook buddies David Gerrold wrote. He adopted a son about 15 years ago – and he and his son have a wonderful relationship. Please go read this –
https://www.facebook.com/RuthSippelPace/posts/10201633124379697   * see note at end of this blog post.

Ruth

darn internet cut out on me while I was gathering my thoughts about what David wrote and what lessons Joan really needs to learn – but I don’t think I could say it any better than how David said it:

“When Sean first moved in with me, he was carrying a lot of bad memories. (I don’t know the details, I never asked. I listened when he shared, but I didn’t probe.) In fact, he had so few good memories, he couldn’t extrapolate a future for himself. He didn’t see himself surviving.

So I made up a rule that every day, it didn’t matter what, we would do something together to create a good memory — take the dog for a walk, make cookies, play cowboys and other cowboys on the front lawn, anything that would make us both laugh. Within two weeks, I could start saying, “Remember when we….” so I could fill his memory library with good things.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, nobody does. I can make plans, he can make plans, but we’ve both learned how to roll with the unexpected earthquake too. In the meantime, we’re still looking for ways to create happy memories every day.

Trying new flavors of coffee isn’t about the coffee as much as it’s about having fun together. And it’s cheaper and easier than going to Starbucks.” * see note at end of this blog post.

I don’t know why the Wheelers weren’t good parents to Joan. But obviously there are good people out there who ARE good parents – and some of them are “adoptive” parents.

Gert said “…the fact that she was adopted by those parents does not make ADOPTION A BAD THING. Joan has been beating up the wrong dead horse all her life. It is NOT adoption, it was her adopted parents and adoptive family that were, perhaps, the bad thing. Joan would gain much if she recognized that and stopped beating up the wrong institutions and people.”

That is the whole truth. It is clear to anyone who knows Joan personally or reads her writings that the Wheelers mentally abused her. And physically abused her.

Joan needs to WORK WITH her therapist and confront this. She needs to put the blame squarely on those who abused her and messed up her head. Continuing to say things like she wants to totally eradicate the instituion of adoption is her clinging to a spectacularly futile and wasteful endeavor. There will ALWAYS be orphaned children (no matter what circumstances led them to being orphaned) and there will ALWAYS be people who have hearts capable of loving those children. Yes, there will always be child abuse, and Joan would do well to put her efforts into fighting that.

Joan needs to STOP BLAMING PEOPLE FOR THINGS THEY HAD NO PART OF.

Joan continously says on the internet that she was stalked her entire life by her birth siblings. This is a statement that is not only false, but clearly shows where she is putting the blame for her adoption – ON HER BIRTH SIBLINGS!
HER ENTIRE LIFE is what she says – so let’s see – she was born in 1956 – in 1956, I was three years old, turning four in August 1956. My brother had just turned 6 in 1956, Kathy turned 8 and Gert turned 9 years old in 1956.
How do four little kids stalk someone? Joan’s statements about her birth siblings are not only lies –  they are not rational!

Joan’s hatred and bitterness towards her birth-sisters are born of an irrational, delusional, and totally incorrect thought. – We had nothing to do with her adoption! We did not stalk her for her entire life. We are NOT the cause for Joan’s inner demons. We are just convenient punching bags for her because she cannot and will not put the blame for her miserable life on the person who is responsible – the woman who raised her.

*note – material by David Gerrold used by permission. Thank you David.

How many times does #JoanWheeler need to be hit over the head before she learns anything?

writerwords

She really must be into self-torment and pain on top of that delusional self-importance. She seems to believe that HER life story will SAVE the world from the horrors of ADOPTION.

Joan has been promoting herself as a ‘writer’ and a ‘social worker’ all over the place. Oh sure she has a degree in social work, but she’s never had a job as such. And yes, she has written articles and opinion pieces AND A LIBELOUS BOOK! Seems to me she ought to pick a different career choice. I don’t see where, in the most recent published books of adoptee’s stories, written by adoptees, that Joan has a contributing essay! She DOESN’T! Even adoptees are distancing themselves from her. I have had communication with a ‘elder’ in the reform movement who keeps silent whenever Joan approaches her and has NO INTENTION of getting involved with Joan…but…Joan is so into herself, she doesn’t see how REAL REFORMERS are backing away from her.

How does Joan propose to answer the question about her FIRST BOOK? You know that one that was pulled by the publisher, in May 2011, for libel? She keeps talking about her ‘second edition’ of her memoir. What memoir? It was NO memoir, it was a hate manifesto. What happened to the first edition? She doesn’t say it was pulled for libel. She says her sisters pressured the publisher. Not quite true, we DID submit a complaint and we DID provide evidence of the libel with actual police and City of Buffalo Court documents and we DID call frequently to ensure that the publishing house’s LAWYERS do the right thing. The outcome was that Joan Wheeler BROKE THE CONTRACT with the publishing house when it was proven to the publishing house that Joan wrote libel.

For background information; Joan went with Trafford Publications a ‘print on demand’ company. A person submits the manuscript, signs a contract that, amongst other things, that there is NO LIBEL. These types of publishing houses do NOT read a manuscript UNLESS there is a complaint! Joan outsmarted herself, thinking that she could pull a fast one on the birth family, and was CAUGHT. When the birth family provided evidence, against the claims in that book, Forbidden Family was pulled. Then for a while Joan spoke of that book as ‘sleeping’; to this day I don’t grasp what she was thinking, a ‘sleeper book’. A book pulled from publication can NEVER be reprinted. Sure, the publisher’s manager told her to ‘write a book her sisters would approve of’ and so perhaps (?) she was thinking ‘it’s sleeping while I concoct another BS book!’

Where ever there is a fool, promoting some crazy scheme, there are several ‘hanger-ons’ whose reasons are NOT because they believe in the fool, but that the chosen fool and the hanger-on have a mutual dislike for another. This makes their relationship one of the enemy of my enemy is my friend and such a relationship ALWAYS backfires on both parties!

In the following Facebook statement of Joan’s and one of her hanger-ons we see how Joan is setting the stage, teasers if you will, of great things to happen. She is so hard at work! What this TELLS me is that Joan now has to rely on her own abilities to publish a book! As someone who has been in the self-publishing business, I know how difficult the ‘technology’ can be. But for Joan, she has more issues ahead of her then JUST getting the formatting down correctly. She will be forced to self-promote it and/or pay for the services of some on-line book seller, such as Amazon. And what about shipping costs? These services are not cheap!

And here’s a NEWS FLASH…it still will be a ‘print on demand’ kind of deal! There will be NO AMOUNT OF BOOKS printed and place on a shelf! ONLY if someone purchases it, will it be printed! Believe me…I know about these things. It is a GIVEN that at least three (3) people will purchase ANY book that Joan manages to get published, her three sisters! And, perhaps a handful of Joan’s friends may. And maybe the ‘hanger-on’ Laura who’s ONLY interest in Joan Wheeler is because Laura’s enemy is Joan’s sister Ruth whom Laura hates!

The proverb ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ suggests that two parties can or should work together against a common enemy. Joan and Laura; two peas in a pod!

Regardless how many people purchase a book of Joan’s it shall never be a worldwide best seller.

It certainly would be interesting to find out HOW and WHERE she is getting all the money for traveling around the country going to adoption conferences. Oh right! She’s in a NEW relationship, as of March 2014, but he’s a secret right now. If he’s a secret why did Joan broadcast that she’s in a relationship? Because she needs constant attention! The last one lasted about 6 months; how much money did she manage to get OUT OF HIM. She has some racket going for someone who is on NEW YORK STATE DISABILITY.

See this link for a related blog post;

 

Who would publish Joan Wheeler; a writer who has a libelous book under her belt?by gertmcqueen on February 23, 2014

And now Joan’s announcement and Laura’s comment;

Joan M Wheeler March 26

Grrr…I am missing all of you here SOOO — OOO much! But I have work to do. Dana Seilhan - I really wanted to pop over to your neck of the woods a few weeks ago. Ohio is not that far! Got that book of mine to do… technology is confusing me. Final edits. Book Cover. It will be worth the wait! When it is all done, I can come back here to chat with all of my friends! And relatives. And music friends. Love you all!

Laura Heath I can hardly wait for the new book to come out. You must be si excited! !!   March 26 at 4:12pm

End…

Ruth here
“the enemy of my enemy is my friend” – oh so very true when it comes to Little Girl Laura Stickney-Heath, who for some reason, when she was a fellow nurse’s aide with me a few years ago, took a dis-liking to me. No skin off my back. But what mystifies me is WHY she would actively go out of her way to do things to me. – When it became apparent that Laura was NO friend to me, I booted her off my facebook page – which I have EVERY right to do so. Within two weeks, Laura, who only knew of Joan because of my bitching about her at work, and showing that libelous book around, actively sought out Joan on facebook and the two agreed to be facebook buddies. Occasionally Laura will make overtures to Joan about “going out to coffee” but I rarely see evidence that the two actually DO go out. If they do – that’s their business and since they are both snakes, they have every right to twine thier little girl gossipy forked tongues together.
I just think it’s fucking funny that these two bitches have NOTHING in common except their dislike of Ruth.
And back in July 2013, Laura had her husband Tom come creeping around on my facebook page and I outed them in this post:

I am outing Thomas D. Heath and Laura J. Stickney Heath as stalkers and troublemakers. August 5, 2013

http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/i-am-outing-thomas-d-heath-and-laura-j-stickney-heath-as-stalkers-and-troublemakers/

And because of that post, Laura’s first biological daughter contacted me and gave me the skinny on Laura – but I knew part of the story anyway. Seems as though Laura is raising her biological granddaughter. AND IS PASSING THAT GRAND DAUGHTER OFF AS HER OWN DAUGHTER – LYING TO THE GIRL. Now, isn’t this what anti-adoption people like Joan are against? Joan herself has gone on and on CONDEMNING GRANDPARENTS WHO ADOPT AND PASS THEIR GRANDCHILDREN OFF AS THEIR CHILDREN! Joan has gone on record that she HATES people like that – yet, hypocrite that Joan is, she remains “friend” with Laura Stickney-Heath.

AND since I’ve seen the birth certificate, um amended deceitful birth certificate that is of Laura’s first born daughter – I know the shit that Laura did.
When Laura was 16 years old, she got pregnant with an older Native American man and had a daughter. A couple of years later – Laura marries Tom. Tom legally adopted Laura’s first child. The girl’s birth certificate (amended, decietful one) says that she is the birth daughter of Laura and Tom. Laura and Tom did EXACTLY what Gert and her second husband did – adopt Gert’s own birth son as their own – an event that Joan was all up in arms about! But Joan is NOT condemning Laura for this? Why not?

Anyways, back to Laura and Tom’s sordid house – When Laura and Tom had a daughter together, they placed the first daughter in a foster home. She was 7 years old and was kicked out of the family. Why? Because Laura claimed the girl “ruined her life.” Later, when the first daughter had a child, Laura somehow (and I’m not sure what happened), gained custody of her grand daughter, and is now raising her, as I said above, as her own daughter, not grand daughter, AND REFUSES TO LET THE CHILD’S REAL BIO-MOM NEAR HER.

What a sordid mess. And it’s really none of my business – but since Laura seems to determined to be in MY life, via Joan, then turn-about is fair play.

And because Joan actively remains Laura’s “friend” – she is condoning the very behavior of bio-moms who destroy their children’s lives, by adoption, lies, deceit. Which shows that Joan is a hypocrite.

What does #JoanWheeler know about CHIFF? Nothing! She is NOT a adoption reformer, she’s totally ANTI-ADOPTION.

Yep, Joan is off and running her mouth, at full speed, over something she doesn’t have a clue about and she’s an annoyance to others, including fellow adoptees and reformers.

Joan can not call herself an adoption reformer, when her position is a non-negotiable position! She wants to ABOLISH adoption (in any form) like in BAN it all together, globally. And she’ll take her position to the adoption conference in CA. I hope more reasonable minds see her foam at the mouth in her hatred. There is no avenue for dialog with Joan…NONE. She will never give a millimeter of an inch! I hope that the real professionals at the conference put her in her place. Joan is a huge mill-stone around the necks of REAL people trying to reform something.

Now for a bit of background, for myself and readers, I present two links and one paragraph of what it’s about. After that I present a facebook exchange of Joan’s where she just rants on auto-pilot.

Joan’s favorite line is this; Pissed does not even come close to how I feel at this moment.

She is in a constant stage of ‘being pissed’ as well as angry. She will never get people to listen to her because people do NOT listen to pissed off people. Joan always goes off ‘half-cocked’! Recently, on Twitter, she went off on a LGBT couple who adopted and they told her, in no uncertain terms, that she is a ‘nut case’ and to beat it!

But, Joan never gets it…she gives only a quarter sympathic nod to the other person she is talking with, not realizing that she actually is INSULTING the other. If you don’t agree with Joan you become an instant enemy, no matter what your ‘relationship’ is with her. Joan is right 100 percent of the time and don’t dare disagree with her.

I suppose we do not agree. I am sorry to hurt you. Hate me if you want to.

Readers can make their own minds up on whether Joan Wheeler helps or hinders her own cause and alienates her own fellows. I do wish someone would tell Joan to take a hike.

CHIFF is a bill supporting children everywhere growing up in families. Learn more here: http://childreninfamiliesfirst.org/

https://www.facebook.com/childreninfamiliesfirst

Children without parents are the most vulnerable children in the world. They are alone, they are often out of sight, and they are voiceless. They cannot fight for themselves; they need YOU to be their voice. CHIFF Children in Families First calls for the redirection of a modest portion of the $2 billion the United States currently spends on children living abroad toward ensuring that all children grow up in a family. What’s more, it calls for programs funded with US tax dollars to focus on reducing the number of children living without families and increasing the capacity of other governments to better protect their own children. The best protection for a child is a family. We protect children by preserving families, reunifying families or creating families through adoption.

&&&&

S.G. Maybe you could inquire what they’re doing to stop CHIFF. March 26 at 3:38pm ·

Joan M Wheeler Since I haven’t been on FB in over one month, I think I missed something, Shea. What is CHIFF? Of course I will inquire. March 26 at 3:43pm ·

S.G. Not really a FB thing although there is a . Stop CHIFF FB page. Here are some starting articles:

Joan M Wheeler Since I am a member of the Unitarian Universalist Church for over 30 years, I can assure you that I support LGBT rights all the way – including the right to adopt under the current, faulty, system. HOWEVER – as an adoptee, I do NOT support ANY adoptive parent to put their names on a FALSIFIED birth certificate!!!! I am dead set against adoption. Period. NO ONE should adopt! There is a growing consensus that adoption should be banned. In favor of family preservation, kinship care, and as a last resort: guardianship. All adoptions result in the permanent erasure of the adoptee’s birth certificate, identity at birth, and natural family. If adoption meant that the child’s birth certificate would not be taken away and falsified, if adoption meant that the child would have her place within the natural family, if court ordered visitation with natural family (as is in divorce) were mandatory, if the guardians were legally mandated to be guardians and not replacement parents, then I would support adoption. SO this means: take away sealing the birth certificate and take away permanent erasure of an adoptee’s natural family and natural-born identity, adoption then becomes guardianship. I am having these discussions with the LGBT community in my church. I do not support any person, gay or straight to be in the delivery room as the MOTHER is giving birth and then taking that baby to claim as their own. So, that said, Shea, I suppose we do not agree. I am sorry to hurt you. You have given me much to think about as it was you who pointed out that adoption made me a bastard, even though I was born within a marriage. No one, NO ONE, should claim to be a parent to a child who already has parents. Raising a child with love and support can be done without adoption. I am 100% anti-adoption. I stand with others who want to erase adoption from the planet. Hate me if you want to. Yes, I will be taking this discussion to AAC conference….Two Moms on an amended – falsified – birth certificate does not make sense. Two Dads on an amended – falsified – birth certificate created after an adoption does not make sense. Creating falsified birth certificates with gay or straight new parents’ names on a false birth certificate is forcing that adoptee to live a life of lies. I do not support this at all. Pissed does not even come close to how I feel at this moment. An Adoption Certificate would be a good start. Then we need to stop adoption. There are countries where adoption has been made illegal. LGBT rights? You bet! But not at the expense of adoptees. March 27 at 9:37am ·

 

S.G. Joan, I really have no idea what you’re talking about. I pretty much agree with what you’ve written about. What does that have to do with CHIFF? If anything it’s more of a reason to be an opponent.
Incidentally while I think the anti-gay sponsors and supporters of CHIFF are an interesting angle, it’s hardly a primary focus of anything I’ve written about the bill and has very little to do with my opposition. This isn’t an LBGT rights issue in my mind at all. It’s about the adoption industry in the US desperately trying to create new supplies of children in the wake of dramatically declining adoptions, and they want to try to do that by removing oversight and regulation in a time when MORE regulation and oversight is clearly needed. March 27 at 2:50pm · Like

end

“Recently, on Twitter, she went off on a LGBT couple who adopted and they told her, in no uncertain terms, that she is a ‘nut case’ and to beat it!
But, Joan never gets it…she gives only a quarter sympathic nod to the other person she is talking with, not realizing that she actually is INSULTING the other. If you don’t agree with Joan you become an instant enemy, no matter what your ‘relationship’ is with her. Joan is right 100 percent of the time and don’t dare disagree with her.

Joan: I suppose we do not agree. I am sorry to hurt you. Hate me if you want to. ”
Ruth says:
yep – that’s right. She LOVES it when people hate her, she REVELS in getting people to hate her – that way she can play the sympathy ploy “nobody loves poor poor pitiful me. Everyone is against me.”

Gertrude Mary Genevieve Boasts her fore-mothers

Today, March 28, is the anniversary of the death of my mother, in 1956.

In HER HONOR I repost this boast, for her and my other fore-mothers!

In CELEBRATION of her life I offer this boast!

Gertrude Mary Genevieve Boasts her fore-mothers

I am the first born of my mother and father (Leonard Sippel, Sr)

I, Gertrude Mary Genevieve, was named after the maternal line of our Sippel/Herr families.

Gertrude after my mother’s mother Gertrude Stoll Herr
Mary after my father’s mother Mary Wisniewski
At about age 13, at a rite of passage into adulthood, I took my mother’s name Genevieve as part of my name
I am proud and honored to bear the names of these three women, for without them, I would not be
Wassail! (be you whole) Gertrude, Mary and Genevieve!
Your memories stay alive within me
Your blood and mains (energy) flows within me.
I never knew Gertrude Stoll/Herr who gave birth to my mother….I boast her!
I did know Emma Herr, my mother’s step-mother who helped raise my mother… I boast her!
I did know Mary Wisniewski/Sippel who gave birth to my father Leonard…I boast her!
I did know Genevieve who gave birth to me…I boast her!
Ancestors remembered and honored
From the dawn of your birth, to the sunset of your death, I honor you.
From the goals you completed to your efforts left undone, I honor you.
From the season of your being, through the cycle of your life, I honor you.
From your time beyond the veil, till your soul’s return to earth again,
May you rest in peace and solace.
May my love reach you and embrace you especially this moment
Of remembering and forever more,
I honor you!

(note from Ruth who first published this boast of mine )

Gert McQueen is retired and no longer active in public work, but was a priestess and lore teacher in Theodism, editor and assistant publisher of a magazine, and has published several small booklets of lore and was an activist for Pagan rights.

 

When is adoption counseling a need or when is it an interference? Joan Wheeler didn’t even have a degree when she interfered with my adopting!

Then when she did get a degree, as a social worker, she NEVER held a job as one. Currently, 2014, she is attempting to ‘counsel’ via on-line social media contacts. From what I’ve seen so far she’s not making any friends and converts to her side/cause; just the opposite.

Who makes the ‘call’ to be counseled? Who knows what’s best for their family? Well…if Joan Wheeler gets anywhere near you, it is she who makes all the calls and decisions and deems what is right and best for you and your family! So you best be watchful!

Joan was a angry adoptee, age 24, with no social worker’s degree, who hated all things adoption, when she ‘counseled’ me against adopting my own children. And to be perfectly clear ‘my children’ means those that I birthed, raised and adopted with 2nd husband; they were never anyone else child!

As the parent of the children, to be adopted, I had been in family counseling for some time before my second marriage happened and our decision to adopt the children, who at that time were 15 and 16 years old. In New York state, a person over the age of 14 must give their own PERMISSION to be adopted. My son wished adoption, my daughter did not. There was no pressure to either of them. They spoke with the judge themselves, behind closed doors. There was extensive background checks on both myself and husband as well as unannounced home visits. The children’s father had to give his written approval and sign papers for relinquishment of his children, to another father, which also removed ‘his’ (birth father’s) financial responsibility to them.

As the mother of the child to be adopted, I had to sign 3 different pieces of paper. The first was the birth mother relinquishing her child, just as the birth father had. I gave my child away, by signing paper number one. On the second piece of paper, that I signed, I became that same child’s ‘foster mother’, which gave me all the rights of guardianship and responsibility for that child as any other foster mother would have. On the third piece of paper, that I signed, I became the ‘adoptive’ mother, which gave me all the rights of guardianship and all the responsibilities of that child. My husband signed only ONE piece of paper, that he became the adoptive father and TOOK all rights and responsibility for the child he adopted. The child, age 16, never left my side or home! Yes, his name was changed, he choose how it was to be changed and yes, he has a amended birth certificate with his new name and father! He also has his original documents. What’s the big deal?

Well, if you happen to be Joan Wheeler it’s not only a big deal it’s a HUGE MISTAKE! As an adoptee his birth parents GAVE HIM UP and his identity was changed, paper work was falsified and fraud was committed because another person, besides the true birth father was on the new birth certificate!

Not only did Joan Wheeler interfer in our decision to adopt, she also violated our parental rights with her attempts to alienated my minor children from us using all kinds of behind the scenes dirty deeds. She told my children they didn’t have to listen to us or obey our rules. According to Joan we were UNFIT parents. We DIDN’T listen to her…oh we DID listen to her and told her it was none of her business. She didn’t like that! She stood in my kitchen screaming at me that I was making a big mistake. I had to push her out the door telling her don’t come back. She retailiated, twice, by calling false child abuse upon us. Then when she wrote and published that libelous book, she REWROTE the entire episodes of MY children’s lives to suit her purpose and position! Talk about exploiting people!

That libelous book, Forbidden Family, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May of 2011.

So I know first hand how Joan Wheeler counsels anyone on the evils of adoption!

Recently, I was shown a comment that, this self-proclaimed adoption expert and social worker, Joan Wheeler wrote. The link, to the article, and Joan’s entire comment follow my commentary on a few sentences pulled from Joan’s comment. The article is about the buying and selling, as in commodities, of babies into adoption and the normalcy of the family.

Now there is no question that there are legal and non-legal businesses in baby adoptions, worldwide, along with agencies, social workers, lawyers and more; this is of no concern to me. What is of concern to me is the falseness of Joan Wheeler and how she condemns adoption for everyone. This is why I EXPOSE her when I can so that others understand how she operates.

Onto the comment…    Joan begins with a quote from the author…”Those who want to raise their kids as “normal” kids and try to conform them to their own image just shouldn’t adopt.”

Joan says…When adoptees say this to adoptive parents, or to people who are in the process of adopting, we are criticized. Often to the point of being called “angry adoptees” or “you must have had a bad experience.”

Gert comments…Doesn’t EVERY parent mold their children into the image THEY want for their children? Right or wrong, this is the way of nature! Every child imitates the parents. We see that even far into late adulthood; where a person will act ‘just like mom or dad’! And every parent has a vision of what is ‘normal’ for them and their children and they will have the children ‘conform’ to the family’s ways!

Yes, Joan is an ‘angry adoptee’ and she did have ‘a bad experience’…why doesn’t she just admit it? Joan really hates adoption  BECAUSE she was abused by the adoptive family! Most of the vocal angry adoptees admit that they have been abused; Joan refuses to admit it, but everything points to it. If these ‘angry adoptees’ would STOP browbeating everyone who adopts perhaps they may get a different reaction to their questions and concerns.

Joan says…Adoption is a total life-long experience, one cannot claim one single event to describe or label an entire lifetime.

Gert comments…what is she saying here??

Joan says…While adoptive parents really want to normalize adoption,

Gert comments…again what is she saying??

Joan says…it is the adoptee who experiences life as a complicated maze of emotions, facts, or lack of facts, as well as medical and, for many adoptees, racial, issues.

Gert comments…here we see how Joan externalizes what she has internalized about her own adoption! all except the ‘racial’ aspect! In recent times Joan has been cultivating racial adoptees because she has worn out her welcome with many other adoptees! Ok, I can give you that there are a vast array of emotions and lack of information for an adoptee, but not every adoptee behaves with such venom as Joan does!

Joan says…I once was in a conversation with an adoptive mother

Gert comments…Joan likes to talk, she’s always talking with people, she never shuts up! And she has this view point that her ‘talking’, one by one, will change the world’s view of adoption! Joan the Savior! She shall never eliminate adoption in the world! She ought better to take care of her own house, her physical, mental, spiritual and emotional house before she finds she doesn’t have any time left!

Joan says…her adoptee (a teenager) did not experience any problems and is not interested in searching

Gert comments…Joan can NOT accept the fact that ANYONE could have a positive experience with being adopted.

Joan says…The adoptive mother flung insults to me and other adoptees who tried to explain to her that a transracial teenage adoptee may be repressing her emotions to please her adoptive parents.

Gert comments…Again, another example of Joan’s externalizes what she has experienced internally! Doesn’t matter if it’s a transracial or not adoptee…according to Joan every adoptee ‘represses their emotions to please the adoptive parent’! Joan is telling us how she and her adoptive parents interacted with each other! Joan gets ‘insults’ flung at her because she DOESN’T know when to get out of other people business!

Joan says…Clearly, adoption agencies and social workers need to do a better job at counseling pre-adoptive parents and adoptive parents to be fully aware of the actual differences between adopting a child and raising a child born to the mother/couple who will raise the child.

Gert comments…Clearly, Joan sees adoption from her own eyes, from her experiences and clearly not from anyone else’s! And, as someone who has never-worked in the field of social work, she has no job experience nor on-going training to assess what a ‘better job’ may or may not be.

And now for the link and entire comment…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/frank-ligtvoet/adoption-commodification-and-normalcy_b_4848769.html

Joan M Wheeler commented on a link.   February 26HYPERLINK  \l “”

“Those who want to raise their kids as “normal” kids and try to conform them to their own image just shouldn’t adopt.” —- I wonder how many adoptive parents will read this statement and secretly condemn you. Will they come on here in the comments to say out loud what they say to us adoptees? When adoptees say this to adoptive parents, or to people who are in the process of adopting, we are criticized. Often to the point of being called “angry adoptees” or “you must have had a bad experience.” Adoption is a total life-long experience, one cannot claim one single event to describe or label an entire lifetime. While adoptive parents really want to normalize adoption, it is the adoptee who experiences life as a complicated maze of emotions, facts, or lack of facts, as well as medical and, for many adoptees, racial, issues. I once was in a conversation with an adoptive mother of a Chinese daughter who insisted that her adoptee (a teenager) did not experience any problems and is not interested in searching for THAT woman, saying, “Furthermore, my daughter behaves just like me – she has forgotten her native language and has no desire to be Chinese”. The adoptive mother flung insults to me and other adoptees who tried to explain to her that a transracial teenage adoptee may be repressing her emotions to please her adoptive parents. Clearly, adoption agencies and social workers need to do a better job at counseling pre-adoptive parents and adoptive parents to be fully aware of the actual differences between adopting a child and raising a child born to the mother/couple who will raise the child.

end

Who would publish Joan Wheeler; a writer who has a libelous book under her belt?

Maybe I should, I have the means to and I’m a good editor!

If there is anyone, who would publish Joan, they better know what they are getting into with her. Over a year ago, Joan started talking about looking for a REAL publisher to publish her ’2nd edition of my memoir’. Joan doesn’t know that there can not be a 2nd edition of a libelous book! Trafford Publications pulled her book, Forbidden Family, for breach of contract, on her part, because the book was proven to contain libelous materials. Any future book, that she might publish, would be an entirely DIFFERENT book!

I have listed here three blog posts, from a year ago, for background information.

A new book by Joan M Wheeler??? No, she’s just looking for others to help her…again! on January 2, 2013

Warning! Joan Wheeler has already published a libelous book & is trying again! on January 7, 2013

New verification that the libelous book, Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler, shall NEVER BE REPRINTED. on January 10, 2013

Now as seen recently on her Facebook (people keep me informed) she said…

Joan M Wheeler Ah, but, the above says an adoptee can get her/his sealed birth certificate by hiring an attorney. I petitioned Surrogate Court in the 80s and Judge gave me my sealed adoption records but not my birth certificate. If any adoptee was successful in circumventing the sealed birth certificate laws by doing this, I would like to know about it. Am writing an article, could be a book, about this. Anyone care to go public sharing your sealed birth certificate and your falsified birth certificate in a book? February 16 at 1:20pm

Gert here…Oh so NOW it’s an article! Could be a book?? Why would anyone agree to have their and their families’ identities in an article or book? Seems to me that such a move would just invite serious problems from and within many a family! I do go into much more details on that point in the blog post of Jan 2, 2013.

And as seen on her Tweeter, which is open to the public because she’s trying to ‘create a writing career’ and NEEDS to con, oh excuse me, needs to make contacts!…

Joan Wheeler @forbiddenfamily HYPERLINK “/forbiddenfamily/status/436875393459421184″Feb 21

Will buy your book as soon as I finish mine! Doing all set up myself.

Gert here…And so what does this mean…’doing all set up myself’? Well having self published myself, for over 10 years, I would guess that means she’s using a ‘desk-top publishing program’. Lots of folks do that, including myself! But the real question is…HOW does she plan on publishing the finished product?

If she CAN NOT buy another’s book UNTIL she finishes hers, what good is she to another writer? That’s not GOOD PR Joan! You SHOULD BUY the other’s book FIRST not ‘maybe’ later! She just lost a customer!

Having been there myself; I own the means, physical and financial and legally to produce printed materials, create thousands of copies of the finished product and ship them out! Does Joan Wheeler have that capability? Some how I doubt it.

What I mean is; does she have a NY State vendor’s license to do business in New York State? I do. Does she have the physical machines and equipment to product a ‘finished’ printed product? I do. Does she have the financial startup and continuous cash flow to keep the ‘finished’ product in circulation? I do. Does she have a Pay-Pal or other account to handle the purchase of the printed material? I do.

And most importantly, some thing I don’t have to do, that Joan Wheeler DOES HAVE to do, is…keeping NY State Disability in the know about ANY INCOME SHE EARNS.

In addition to being able to all the work to produce a printed item and have ‘customers’ to purchase the printed item, I still did not EARN an income from the venture. EVERY dime earned by the business, went back into the business! I never did the publishing business for my own fame, glory or financial gain!

Joan NEEDS fame, glory and financial gain…so that means, that even if she is ‘doing all set up herself’, she STILL has to find someone and pay them to produce the product and then she has to find the monies to ship the product out! As a business woman Joan is very naive.

Even if she were to accomplish it…who WOULD purchase it? Trafford Publications said ‘it was a non-starter’, it never would be read by the ‘mainstream’ population and without that mainstream there is NO money to be made. Even if she did any form of e-book…there will never be the return in income that she wants and needs in order to get off NY State disability!

She really ought to forget about it…but…here’s a thought…I’ll publish Joan Wheeler’s book! We could go into business together! I could manage her writing ‘career’; I’m a very good editor and I’ll publish her too! What a deal!

But even BEFORE I got this post edited we see how great her ‘career’ of ‘telling people one by one’ about how WRONG they are about adoption is working!

On Feb 22, 2014 Joan tweets to several new contacts; she’s trying to build a following for her new ‘online’ social worker and writer’s business. In the following I am NOT going to give all the names. If you need to see the tweets they are on her feed, as well as mine and Ruth’s, for anyone to see.

I note that Joan tweeting to another ‘adoptee’ that…‘Too much social indoctrination. One by one I talk to ppl about it. One by one individuals see the problem.’

This is Joan’s great campaign to browbeat people one by one!

Then she starts out with lying to a new contact about a gay couple’s adoption of infants.

Joan says…‘Of course it is. My situation much diffnt. But I never judged any n-parent. Well, yes, men who walked away from pregnant woman’

I tweeted the individual letting him know that Joan certainly DOES judge a NATURAL parent…me!

Then Joan went on a rampage with several people; here are just a few of the comments to her.

@forbiddenfamily Go away now. You’re hysterical.

Joan you are stereotyping all gay men. You are also obviously a nutter.

@forbiddenfamily  Freedom of speech does not extend to hate.

I’m blocking you Joan Wheeler. Pray for forgiveness and a good lawyer if you keep spreading hate

I had to block @forbiddenfamily. I can’t tolerate freedom of speech used to hurt others. It’s illegal to spread hate. I hope she gets help.

Gert again.. So how is this new online business of Joan’s working for her? She’s off to a great start!

end

Joan Wheeler speaks, AGAIN, an untruth, about OUR mother, and exploits her illness and death, on a Facebook comment!

The only reason Joan does this is because she NEEDS attention and craves the sympathy from others. Joan is nothing but a parasite. Joan CANNOT accept the fact that while she was in the womb her mother had the drug DES in her system and had ovarian cancer. Joan has been terrified of that since she was found and will believe her own falsehoods rather than face reality! Perhaps that why Joan is so sick in the mind!

On a shared link, on Facebook, to…

[Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Take that offensive Kay Jewelers ad off the air!
http://www.firstmotherforum.com/

 

Joan comments….Keep your head up, Lorraine! We all here for you! YOU have inspired many of us so long ago when your book came out. I bought it and read it and sobbed. My natural mother did not go through what you went through as she was dying form cancer at my birth and was married. Still, YOU taught me! Please know you are loved!

Then someone asked, of Joan…

Hanne Andersen Does she have cancer from DES?

to which Joan answers…

Joan M Wheeler No. My natural mother died from kidney cancer in 1956, three months after giving birth to me. I was child number 5 in a marriage of 10 years. Father talked into giving me up because Catholic priest said “baby needs two parents.” DES was not a drug given to her. My doctor was able to obtain her medical papers. Thank you for asking. I have her death certificate, too.

(end of comment exchange)

Then when I told Ruth about the comment and my intent on answering it, she said…  ‘be sure to add: the immediate cause of death was kidney failure, caused by the cancer spreading throughout her body. Our father, being a religious man and active in his Catholic faith, consulted his parish priest for guidance.’

I explained to Ruth that I had posted, to the site, it is in moderation and probably will not be published, but here it is…

gertmcqueen said…

On a facebook exchange, where this web site was referenced, and in answer to a question about whether my mother was given the drug DES, the following was stated and it is FALSE!

Joan M Wheeler No. My natural mother died from kidney cancer in 1956, three months after giving birth to me. I was child number 5 in a marriage of 10 years. Father talked into giving me up because Catholic priest said “baby needs two parents.” DES was not a drug given to her. My doctor was able to obtain her medical papers. Thank you for asking. I have her death certificate, too.

I Gert state that my mother had suffered a miscarriage sometime before her pregnancy of 1955 which resulted in the birth of her 5th child. Because of THAT miscarriage, when she became pregnant again, she was PUT ON the drug DES and was hospitalized to ‘hold’ the pregnancy. After the pre-mature birth of 5th child, it was discovered, via a surgery, that my mother had ovarian and breast cancer; no further treatments were planned, everyone KNEW she was dying of UTERINE CANCER. During the 3 months BEFORE she died, my father proposed marriage to another, with children, but she REFUSED to take the infant. It was at that point that my father took the option of adoption. The birth family is appalled that OUR mother and father are continuous maligned by Joan Wheeler. February 13, 2014 at 4:05 PM

I’m sure my comment will never be published but at least the owners of the site will READ IT.

Ruth has blogged about the conditions our mother had and the meaning of what the death certificate states. Joan REFUSES to accept reality. Joan cannot accept the fact that she was in the womb of a woman who had ovarian cancer! The death certificate does NOT say kidney cancer, it states, kidney failure.

Ruth here -

Joan is so full of bullshit. I dealt with all this in my blogpost of – Joan’s Insistence on Not Letting Our Mother Rest March 22, 2010 -after I spoke on the phone (March 2010) with my Uncle Richard, younger brother of my mother. His story was the exact same story that I heard from my father, and my aunt, sister of my mother.

from that blog post: I discuss what is on my mom’s death certificate – because Joan is not the only one who has a copy of it.

carcinomatosis (KAR-sih-NOH-muh-TOH-sis)   A condition in which cancer is spread widely throughout the body, or, in some cases, to a relatively large region of the body. Also called carcinosis.

hypernephroma (HY-per-neh-FROH-muh)   The most common type of kidney cancer. It begins in the lining of the renal tubules in the kidney. The renal tubules filter the blood and produce urine. Also called renal cell adenocarcinoma, renal cell cancer, and renal cell carcinoma.

From my years of experience of working at the hospital, (37 1/2), I have come to understand much more than I did back in the early 80′s. Mama may have started out with ovarian cancer with the grapefruit-sized tumor being found on January 19, 1956, but by March, the cancer obviously spread to other parts of her body and organs. The immediate cause of death was kidney failure on March 28, 1956, caused by the presence of cancer in her body, which started as ovarian cancer.

Joan has been told this over and over again. But she is DETERMINED to change the facts. She is DETERMINED to turn the clock back 54 years and change a medical diagnosis. A true neurotic, JOAN JUST WILL NOT ACCEPT CERTAIN FACTS! She then tries her darnest to change those facts to suit her. And when she is hit with the reality that she cannot change the facts of a certain event, she goes into a rampage, burns personal items, lashes out against family members, making their lives a living hell.

Ruth

and once I figure out how to use the scanner on my new all-in-one printer/scanner/fax – I will scan Mama’s death certificate and post it to our blogs. – dammit Joan – next month it will be 58 years that Mama died – why the hell can’t you let her rest in peace? stop the bullshit lying and exploiting her – all this discussion of WHY she died, and HOW she died does not belong in YOUR discussions of YOUR adoption!!! ALL YOU NEED TO SAY IS THAT YOUR MOTHER DIED OF CANCER WHEN YOU WERE 3 MONTHS OLD – AND YOU WERE THEN RELINQUISHED FOR ADOPTION DUE TO CHILD CARE ISSUES. If you must have a conversation about health issues, including DES and its effects – then please stick to the truth and the facts and STOP LYING.

Every adoption is NOT one of stealing or coercion! That doesn’t matter to Joan Wheeler; she wants to abolish them all!

The purpose of THIS BLOG and THIS POST is about JOAN WHEELER. It has NOTHING to do with the politics of ADOPTION and it has NOTHING to do with other people’s ADOPTION ISSUES.

Within the various methods of closed and open adoptions there are a vast range of opinions. Yet there are opinions that are still unwelcomed; such as pointing out the negative behaviors of adoptees to other adoptees. No, we must never criticize an adoptee; they do no wrong!

Why is it that some adoptees and adopters are so reluctant to hear the voice of positive adoptions? Why are they not willing to hear about negative tactics done by unhappy/angry adoptees to others that adopt?

Why is it assumed that any child that WAS adopted was SOMEONE else’s child? Why is it that there is little ATTENTION given to, or listened to, by a parent who ADOPTED their own FLESH AND BLOOD. Why is it that NO ONE cares to hear that an adoptee VIOLATED another’s parent/child relationship?

Why! Because they are all hypocrites! And they do NOT want to hear TRUTHS!

I found the following blog post from my tweeter feed on Feb 15, 2014, that link is http://fb.me/2hhBnGnEO

The web site’s link is…

http://birthmamawasteland.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/adoption-coerced-consent/

There I found Joan Wheeler commenting using just one of her many aliases.

legitimatebastard says: February 15, 2014 at 12:42 pm

I feel exactly as you do, Megan. And I work to end adoption. Raise awareness. Promote family preservation and guardianship. End adoption, most definitely.

I then left this comment...

gertmcqueen says: Your comment is awaiting moderation. February 15, 2014 at 3:38 pm

In legitmatebastard’s attempts to end adoption, she VIOLATED my sacred parental rights regarding what I believed to be right for my minor children…namely ADOPTION. Not all adoptions are bad, she had NO right to interfere in my decisions to adopt my own son; just because she wants to abolish adoption. In her own case, as an adoptee, there was NO family to care for her; adoption was the only solution available. Sorry she’s had a lousy life, but she had no right and still has no rights to browbeat anyone who chooses adoption.

This comment was deleted, but the moderator, by the name of “blackout”, left this comment...

I don’t know anything about it Gert, but if you have a problem with a commenter here, then I suggest you take your issues up with them elsewhere, this is not the place for that. You are an adoptive parent, so the son you refer to as “your own son” was not infact “your own son” but the child of someone else, whom you adopted. There may be some truth to what you say, that not all adoptions are bad, however many of them are–and that needs to change, that is what I aim for. Sometimes adoption may be a necessary last resort, but that is what it should be–an absolute last resort. No one should ever be deceived out of their child, nor should a child lose his/her name, family and identity because of it. “I’m sorry you had a lousy experience” extremely condescending and insulting.

To which I left the following...

gertmcqueen says: Your comment is awaiting moderation. February 15, 2014 at 6:36 pm

I’m pointing out other sides to the stories of adoption and from personal experiences. Everyone involved in adoption issues need to know what happens.

I am indeed an adoptive mother who adopted her own birth son with 2nd husband. I was his birth mother, who legally, gave him up on paper, who then became his foster mother on another paper and then his adoptive mother on final paper. He never left my home. My son was 16 and had to give HIS permission to be adopted. As I said not all adoptions are bad, but some people who have no business in another’s life violated my parental authority by interfering in the adoption process and when told to butt out, called false child abuse upon me and attempted to alienate my children. My child was not deceived out of anything, but that was not enough for someone who hates adoption so much as to violate another’s parent/child relationship. She did it because of her life experiences which was a lousy experience, not my words but hers. I thank you for hearing me. My choice to adopt was mine and only mine!

And againgertmcqueen says: Your comment is awaiting moderation. February 16, 2014 at 6:15 am

it is of course your right not to publish any comment, but I do feel strongly that you correct the misjudgment, that you placed upon the ‘status’ of my child. When I said I adopted my own son I meant just that…he is my flesh and blood! He was never anyone else son but mine, was not deceived nor taken from another. No one had any right to interfere with parent/child relationship. Thank you

Late last night, I placed a few tweets about this moderator falsely assuming that I adopted ‘someone else’s child’ and her refusal to CORRECT the status of my child on her comment.

This morning, Feb 17, I received a tweet from someone who saw that I had commented but it was deleted, asking me to contact them. One of my tweets was RETWEETED by another. I then went to the above blog site and saw that the moderator REMOVED her own comment! Fine! If she WASN’T going to CORRECT her false assumption and ACKNOWLEDGE the TRUTHS that I presented at least she REMOVED her own comment!

I learned a long time ago, to copy ANY comment I make because many REFUSE to acknowledge a truth and don’t want to have TRUTH put in front of them.

That’s why I have this blog, to publish the truth!

This “black out” person is my own birth mother. She has destroyed my life with the blogs like these that she writes. They have actually endangered my mental well being. In 2013, she decided she would write a about her “adoption experience”. Majority of the things she writes are lies, specifically aimed at me and are deceitful and manipulative. I’m so glad someone is finally speaking up.

Edit

  • Gert here… thank you ‘Anon’ for your comment…it is unfortunate that you have had these types of problems. I am sorry that you have been the target of such malicious activities from your mother. As I do not know your situation and circumstances I can not address any particulars. I do hope that you are receiving helps that can address your health and well-being. Good luck to you!

    Families can and are not only messy and complicated but, in some cases, dangerous. There is no guarantee that anyone’s family members will ‘love’ each other or treat each other with respect and kindness. Myself and two sisters felt strongly enough that we and our parents were wrongfully exposed, via lies and misrepresentations and exploited by the writing of a blood relative (placed into adoption) who wrote a libelous book and had/has constant internet discussions on forums and news articles, that we decided we MUST expose them and the writer, our own birth sister, for family HONOR!

    We know that there are many others, like ourselves, that have similar issues, as you have just shown us, that may gain the courage to speak up for themselves. So we thank you for coming to our blog and expressing yourself.

    I do find what you said interesting; that ‘black out’ writes blogs, in the plural. To refresh my own memory, before I wrote this comment of mine, I reread my own blog post and then went to look for the original blog post by ‘Black Out’. I was very glad I did, for that blog post seems to have ‘disappear’ on the internet! But rest assured…nothing is forever gone on the internet! If someone click on the link, on my post here, they would be directed to this…

    A Blog about Open Adoption open adoption is not a fairy tale or the blending of two families. It is a life sentence. Not Found  Apologies, but the page you requested could not be found. Perhaps searching will help.

    &&&

    But if you google the site you get the following search result. On the google entry there is a very small down-arrow where one can access the cache of the entire post…it does not show up here but it appears just after the word fragment conse…

    so if anyone wants to see the original blog and post…minus…my comments and blackout’s replies that she removed…do try finding the cache version here…

    Adoption: Coerced Consent? | A Blog about Open Adoption birthmamawasteland.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/adoption-coerced-conse…‎ Feb 13, 2014 – What constitutes as psychologically coerced adoption consent? I

    &&&

    again, thank you for visiting my blog and see my sister’s @ ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com for my details of the dirty deeds our adopted out sister did to us.

    Gert here; I feel the need to clarify:

    I am not any kind of professional analyst. I have neither desire nor skill in facilitating a dialogue between people, particularly people that I don’t know. There are times when I’m uneasy with members of my own family.

    This blog of mine was created for the SOLE purpose of exposing the lies and dirty deeds of a family member, who was placed into adoption by the death of our mother, she is Joan Wheeler. This blog was created to set the record straight and reclaim our family’s honor from the lies and dirty deeds that Joan Wheeler has done. This blog grew out of the NEED to add my voice alongside my sister Ruth and sometimes that of my sister Kathy.

    If anyone has information about Joan Wheeler, we do want to hear about it, but, we are not interested in other people’s family dramatics. You will have to hash your issues out elsewhere.
    And yes, there are times when I have left comments on blogs, as I detail in this post, and sometimes there are ‘disagreements’ between comment and blog owner, again as detailed in this post. And each blog ‘owner’ must deal with these disagreements as they see fit.

    I answered Anon, as best I could and wish her the best. Since then, I have been contacted by both parties and while I ‘hear’ both sides I am utterly unqualified to offer any suggestions.

    As I have stated in this post…families are MESSY and adoption doesn’t make that messiness any easier for sure. I hope that those that have left comments, on this post, that I shall not publish, will understand that while I wish that each of you can find a means to come to terms, with or without, each other, I cannot publish your comments.

    gertmcqueen permalink

    Gert here… April 4, 2014
    This post was written BECAUSE the owner of a blog that I commented on, about JOAN WHEELER, had made the wrong assertion about MY SON and his ADOPTION. I adopted my own FLESH AND BLOOD son. The owner goes by the name BLACKOUT. She would not ALLOW my correction to be posted. Therefore I made this post to GET THE TRUTH out. When BLACKOUT saw this post…she then deleted her own comments to me.

    That was the REASON for writing this post!

    Then I approved a comment, on my post, ANON, wishing this individual well. That was a mistake on my part. In recent days, THREE people have submitted comments, directed to BLACKOUT and ANON.

    The purpose of THIS BLOG and THIS POST is about JOAN WHEELER. It has NOTHING to do with the politics of ADOPTION and it has NOTHING to do with other people’s ADOPTION ISSUES.

    Where ever Joan Wheeler speaks a falsehood I SHALL comment. Joan Wheeler VIOLATED my sacred parental rights when I adopted the child I gave birth too

     

Identifying Signs of Trauma in Yourself In Order to Heal, Recover and Transform

Signs of Trauma in Victims of Abuse

gertmcqueen:

this is excellent

Originally posted on Paula's Pontifications:

Signs of Trauma in Victims of Abuse“Trauma survivors have symptoms instead of memories.” - Mary R. Harvey (1996). An ecological view of psychological trauma and trauma recovery. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 9:1, 3-23.(Read the abstract and download the PDF.)


I think one of the greatest mistakes many victims make is denying we have a problem until it’s too late. We tend to be ignorant of what trauma looks and feels like.

I’m the first to admit that I failed myself REPEATEDLY, because I ignored the signs and thought I could fix my own issues despite repeated failures to do so.

Before I accepted I was a victim and that there was absolutely NOTHING I could do to change what happened, I could check off all 18 of the below signs. All severe and intense.

1. Depression
2. Irritability
3. Loss of interest
4. Numbing
5. Decreased concentration
6. Insomnia
7. Emotionally overwhelmed
8…

View original 153 more words

Joan Wheeler, along with others, engage in cyber-bullying and harassing adopted parents!

They call themselves a support group, describing themselves as advocating for change! It doesn’t matter whether Joan is ACTIVE in this group or not. Joan continues with this type of behavior while disguising herself as a ‘social worker’. Sure, she has a degree, but she’s never held a job in the field. She is currently doing ‘on-line’ therapy! So, if you are anyone else, happen to have a run-in with Joan, know that this is her MO…this is how she works.

It is an oxymoron statement, that a public forum and Joan Wheeler herself, state that they advocate for change. There is NO change that they are facilitating and the only thing they are advocating is that of bullying and harassing people who don’t agree with them. It needs to be remembered that it was this same forum and group of adoptees that Joan enlisted to come over to Ruth’s blog to ‘get’ us birth siblings. (Gert did not have a blog at that time)

In September 2010, Joan Wheeler and the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, had a thread. The entire ‘discussion’ isn’t relative here…we are only interested in exposing Joan Wheeler’s negative, hateful, bullying behavior. But, the thread was generated by Mara, who went searching for a relative on  www.parkerheritage.com/   and there, had a discussion with a Brandy Thomas. When Brandy said something to Mara, that she didn’t like, Mara went off on her. Then Mara went back onto the public forum to tell these ‘adoptees advocating for change’ and…well you can read it @ the parker site and some of it here, as well as what Joan Wheeler said in her bullying of Brandy. Of course Joan had NOTHING to do with the site, or Brandy, Joan just went out there to beat Brandy up for Mara! So here is part of the thread…and my comments, which are marked here within the thread but were NOT on the forum itself.

The thread topic on the forum read…You Have Got To Read What This B*tch Just Wrote To Me…and I only found a certain portion of it. There were those ‘emotions’ which came through only with words…which speak for themselves.

<< < (5/7) > >>

1adoptee:

Seeing how the post by the ignorant one is on a topic of family research and not adoption, would it be okay for us to take our enriching comments here, and go and join the website where this ignoramus posted and post our enlightening comments there? We are sounding off to each other here, but what is needed is that we all march over to log in over there!!!! :gottabat2: :punch: :stirpot: and keep the discussion going :blahblah: so that idiot might learn a thing or two. :duh: I’m gonna log in now. See ya there!!! :triadsupport:

Gert’s comments: So Joan admits that the post (in question) is about family research and not adoption, she is ‘asking’ the group, on the forum, if they should butt it! This is true Joan Wheeler behavior! Notice the name-calling and belittling and the smug self-righteousness of Joan who says…a writer, on the family research site, is an ignoramus! But Joan, and these adoptees, have enlightening opinions and they should march over there and bat, punch, stir the pot and keep the discussion going….WHY…so that the idiot might learn a thing or two! And then Joan attempts to rally the troops to follow her! Yep, and Joan NEVER does anything harmful to anyone! Joan has done this type of bullying interference within someone else business/life before. This is all she knows. She thinks it is her RIGHT to browbeat the other person, if they don’t agree with her. And, then if the other person refuses to be intimidated by her, she will then find ways of getting others to help her or she will start some sneaky under the table things to get at you. Yes, the birth family knows all of Joan’s nasty tricks and here we see it in action!

Back to the forum thread where we hear from…

M6:  Oh no Brandy, watch out! Joan’s on the loose. I wonder if their ears are ringing…

To which Joan replies…

1adoptee:
:rotfl: :spewing:
Yep! I’m on the loose!
Here’s my contribution to the Parker website and to Brandy:

Gert’s comment: I interrupt Joan’s post, here on the forum, to point out and show how PROUD Joan is! All Joan needs is a LITTLE support and she is off bullying and harassing someone because they are ignorant of and not in agreement of Joan’s views. Now, instead of showing what she posted, here on the forum, I post what she posted on the family research site. I shall have additional comments at the end…

Joan Wheeler born Doris Sippel replied to Mara Parker’s discussion ‘Do You Know A 65ish William (Bill) Parker?

Reply by Joan Wheeler born Doris Sippel on September 23, 2010 at 5:25pm

Brandy, is this a website for family heritage? Yes, it is. Anyone who is looking for a family connection to the Parker name is welcome here. While I do not have a family connection to this name, I do have an interest in correcting you on your misguided notions about adoption.

Sealed birth certificates prevent adoptees from knowing their true genealogical heritage. As you know, genealogical lines can only be traced by following blood lines, not adopted lines.

Unsealing all adoptees’ original birth certificates is necessary for an adoptee to claim bloodline and trace mother, father, grandparents, etc. What you are saying goes against the basic understanding of tracing family ancestry. You can’t have it both ways – be for tracing your family history and sealing birth records – because, as you say: “if the people who gave me up for adoption went as far as having records permanently sealed so I could not contact or find them, are they really someone I want to contact???”

What you are expressing is an angry response to the supposed natural parents’ actions (correction – the State seals the records, not the parents) and your opinion of what an adoptee’s outlook “should” be.

Tracing family ancestry begins with birth and death records and maybe, maybe, a person will want to contact the relatives revealed on the documents.

BTW, telling stories of two friends of yours does nothing to substantiate your claim. You can address adoption issues with authority only if you are an adoptee.

As my sign-in name indicates, I was born with one name and adopted as another. I have two birth certificates, one was sealed upon the finalization of my adoption, the other was created by falsifying facts at the finalization of my adoption. My new birth certificate states that an infertile woman gave birth to me in the exact hospital and at the exact time of my actual birth via my real mother. My real mother died three months later. Her grieving husband was talked into giving me up for adoption and keeping his other four kids (that dispels the myth that adoption is only for illegitimates).

Though I know all of this, my birth certificate is still sealed by NYS. When this injustice happens to you, you want the right to genealogy, just like everyone else.

I’ve been at this for 36 years. I know what I’m talking about. How many years have you been telling adoptees what to do?

Gert’s comments: Joan’s words are now in italic

While I do not have a family connection to this name, I do have an interest in correcting you on your misguided notions about adoption.

Joan admits, that she has no connection to this site and her only interest and purpose is to CORRECT the MISGUIDED notions about adoption! Okay, correct the misunderstand NOT the misguided notion, these are two very different things, but, Joan only knows confrontational style of discourse. By doing so, she at once, placed herself in an adversary position and the other person is now on guard and has ‘tuned’ Joan off and has viewed her as an unfriendly hostile. Joan really does need to learn how to debate issues and influence people. Bullying, browbeating and harassing are not suitable tactics in getting any positive change on anything…no wonder those adoptees are NOT changing anything. You would think that she would notice, after years of doing this kind of behavior, that AFTER she browbeats, there is little to no feedback or further comments.

You can’t have it both ways – be for tracing your family history and sealing birth records

Joan is the ONLY person that can have things BOTH WAYS. What would have been better here, in this discussion, is for Joan to JUST point out that the state seals the records and that that fact should be considered when doing family history research. Simple, no problem and non-confrontational. But not Joan’s style. Who lost here…Brandy or Joan? Certainly NOT Brandy because she will never listen to anyone who speaks to her like Joan has done. But, Joan thinks that she won because she told Brandy the way it is! Wrong!! Sure way to win friends!

What you are expressing is an angry response to the supposed natural parents’ actions (correction – the State seals the records, not the parents) and your opinion of what an adoptee’s outlook “should” be.

So again, NO ONE ELSE, but Joan, is allowed an angry response! And NO ONE ELSE is allowed to voice their OPINION about what an adoptee should be! ONLY Joan is allowed, because she is the adoptee, to KNOW ANYTHING about adoption, even a wrong or uninformed knowledge or opinion…because Joan is the adoptee and an angry one at that!

BTW, telling stories of two friends of yours does nothing to substantiate your claim. You can address adoption issues with authority only if you are an adoptee.

Joan is the ONLY one who can tell, retell, and continue to retell…stories told to her by the adoptive parents that are lies against the birth family! Joan is the only one who uses HEARSAY to substantiate most, if not all, of her claims. So why is Joan badgering this woman for doing the same thing that she does? I hate to break the news to Joan, but adoptees do NOT have a claim to have the truth about adoption. What Joan is thinking and saying is the same thing that the Catholic Church has said …that they HOLD the only truth. And Joan hates the Church so why does she use their tactics? Because Joan is a bully!

As my sign-in name indicates, I was born with one name and adopted as another.

This is what we, the birth siblings, mean about how Joan is exploiting our family’s history and honor! Her constant use of using our family against innocent people who are pro-adoptive is exploiting us and our dead mother and father!

I’ve been at this for 36 years. I know what I’m talking about. How many years have you been telling adoptees what to do?

So Joan has been doing the wrong thing for 36 plus years! That does not mean that she knows what she is talking about! Doing the wrong thing for years or just because ‘everyone is doing it’ does not make it right! On the contrary, Joan knows NOT what she is talking about. Every time she opens her mouth she shows the world just what kind of a fool she is. By exposing all of Joan bullying and browbeating, we are pushing Joan’s face in her own shit.

She then ends her comment with an insult…nice going! That’s typical Joan Wheeler behavior!

So how is the re-education, by bullying, going out there, Joan? Make any new converts to your cause, or are you just finding more people to beat up because they don’t’ see your viewpoint? Or maybe people are finally turning their backs on you cause your name Joan Wheeler is garbage!

Ruth

Gert says: “So again, NO ONE ELSE, but Joan, is allowed an angry response! And NO ONE ELSE is allowed to voice their OPINION about what an adoptee should be! ONLY Joan is allowed, because she is the adoptee, to KNOW ANYTHING about adoption, even a wrong or uninformed knowledge or opinion…because Joan is the adoptee and an angry one at that!

Right you are Gert. And not just on the internet or about adoption!  In her personal life, when Joan doesn’t like something, be it about a costume a dancer is wearing or a costume in a movie, Joan gives HER expert opinion and if you dare disagree with her, she will start screaming at you that you are wrong, wrong, wrong.

If you are standing in front of her, you will do anything to stop her screeching that hurts your ears – so you may just agree with her – just to shut her up. If you’re on the phone, you might hang up on her – again to stop the screeching. OR SHE MAY HANG UP ON YOU – because it SILENCES you. – That’s her favorite ploy – ONLY JOAN CAN HAVE A SAY IN ANYTHING – and she will shut you up – either by hanging up on you – or screeching at you to the point you just shut up.

But she can’t shut me up now – that’s why I LOVE THE INTERNET.

  • Gert says: “Joan is the ONLY person that can have things BOTH WAYS.” Yes, that is sooo true. Gert’s post outlines how Joan gets on a website and pulls the focus of a discussion. To reiterate: JOAN goes to a website and pulls the focus. BUT just last month – in response to an article Joan had published on The Buffalo News website, I made ONE respectful comment – correcting Joan’s statement that her adoption was “forced.” I said it was done out of necessity. Meanwhile, an acquaintance of Joan’s, a musician in a band that performs at a bar that Joan frequently goes to, posted his own comment that warned readers that Joan’s book was pulled because of libel. Joan got pissed and started the name-calling and insults and mud-slinging. She accused her birth sisters (me and Gert and Kathy, altho Kathy wasn’t even involved) of pulling the focus of the intent of her article. (she didn’t use those words but that’s what she meant – and instead of using those intelligent words, she started with the name-calling, the insults, the false accusations).

    I have said it repeatedly on this blog, and my blog – that Joan is a hypocrite as well as a liar. “Joan is the ONLY person that can have things BOTH WAYS.” – Joan is a control freak, a dictator. Control freak – I’ve said that many times on my blog in the past. And in late December 2013, on twitter, where Joan is going off on a tangent – ranting and raving over the latest breakup of her latest boyfriend she said he accused her of being a “control freak.” She been told that many times over many years – you’d think she’d get the message. – No, she’s too damn busy being the control freak, and walking all over people – in person and on the internet – to get the fact that she IS an idiot.

    well, now, Gert writes a blog post about how Joan is a cyberbully, goes on websites and bullies and insults those who don’t think like her, and what happens? – yep – just hours after Gert publishes her blog post Joan does it again.

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10152210282358276&set=a.10150933670333276.443522.87263773275&type=1

    Joan M Wheeler Hey you morons over here, listen up. UNTIL one of you “pregnant on paper” girls actually goes through morning sickness, dizzieness, fainting spells, labor pains, panic over not feeling the baby kick, you have no idea what you are talking about! This page is insulting to all mothers who have children the normal way.. let alone a mother who adopts or a mother who loses her newborn to adoption. This is so degrading. My natural mother was very sick while pregnant with me. The hormones of pregnancy actually speeded up her cancer. I was born two months premature. She died three months later. My mother gave her LIFE for me! And you people here make a joke out of pregnancy! And my adoptive mother sadly expressed how dearly she wanted to be pregnant but couldn’t. She regretted it. You girls have much to learn.

    and someone answered Joan:

    Sarah Mary I definitely see a moron on this thread and it’s you.

    roflmao!

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