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Reclaiming our Family Honor!

Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!

Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om

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“Damaged people damage people.”…. And my brain has been racing ever since — because damaged people don’t have to stay damaged”… David Gerrold

Update February 12, 2014…

I’ve again revamped and moved around a few items from this front page to my about page. As of this date, this blog has over 9,500 views! and that’s since I started this blog in July 2011!

The purpose of this blog is about exposing all the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family and telling the truth of myself and my family.

It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler.

Our commentary and reporting is our business.

The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.

This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT BORN in 1955 and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.

Yep, the worst thing Joan Wheeler ever did was to publish that lying book. Now she will have to live with that dead book tied around her neck until we set everything in it straight and right and it starts to stink and rot OR she decides to make it right and remove ALL references to Forbidden Family on her two web sites and apology to us siblings and our parents!
Warning…the contents of this blog are not suitable for young impressible minds or for people who believe everything Joan Wheeler has said or written. Believe her at your own risk!
see joint post of Gert and Ruth
update of February 2014…Joan has still NOT answered any of our charges against her…in fact when asked directly she runs and hides away, or screams that we are harassing her…so we shall continue on until she answers to the dirty deeds and words she has said and deeds she has done. Joan still has NOT removed her hate blogs against us or gotten her friends to get rid of theirs, so we shall just carry on. Everything Joan and her friends have done to the birth family are part of the historical record.

Have your heard the ‘Joni & Rich’ story by #JoanWheeler? No? well then read on…

Joan tells so many versions of her life and leaves out so many great things; no wonder that she can’t seem to tell the definitive TRUTH, of anything, let alone tell it consistency!

Did she REALLY write the book for adoption REFORM as she PROMOTES that she did? NO, she wrote a book full of lies for revenge and retaliation as well as for fame and fortune! WE now present ADDITIONAL PROOF. I realize that this post may be long, but please, stay with me, for all will be revealed!

From the ‘nonfiction’ status, and supposed truthful account within its pages, Forbidden Family, has one account of the truth which doesn’t match other sources of the same truth, as told by Joan Wheeler, herself. Confused? Join the club! Everything Joan Wheeler writes is part of her fragmented and distorted mind as well as her viewpoints along with whatever mental state she may be in at any given moment. In real life and in print, Joan routinely mixes up people, times and places; that’s why it is so confusing, even to her!

Currently, 2014, she is rewriting the condemned book, as it was proven to be libelous and was pulled from publication. So expect an entirely DIFFERENT set of TRUTHS with any other book from her! Whenever she finally finishes it, as she is NOW limited to really self-publishing it, where will she get the monies to get it printed? And marketed, and shipped?

Recently, June 2014, an old flame/collaborator, YES COLLABORATOR, of Joan’s, had an article published on Yahoo. Joan lost no time in broadcasting that she KNOWS the guy! She likes to name-drop! But I really wonder if those that she name-drops really want the attention she puts on them! As it turns out, Ruth and I had the ‘skinny’ on the ‘relationship’ between Joan and the old flame/collaborator several years ago…we have been sitting on it! So I guess, since Joan herself brought it out in the open, it must be okay for us to present what we have always known!

First the link to the article written by Richard Weizel…(Joan’s collaborator/former lover)…then a couple of Facebook comments of Joan’s (that I was shown).

https://news.yahoo.com/am-u-adoptees-finally-winning-birth-certificate-rights-135215659.html

Joan M Wheeler Hey M, this article was written by an ex-boyfriend of mine! yeah Rich Richard Weizel! Congratualtions for another well-written article! Proud of you! June 21 at 11:59am

Joan M Wheeler Nice to see my cousin, M, a daughter of my (natural blood) cousin, who is also a adoptee-lite, and my good old friend, Richard Weizel, an adoptee, here on Facebook! Love to both of you. June 21 at 2:17pm ·

On June24 from another thread

Joan M Wheeler Glad to help out! 38 years ago, I began writing about my life in journals, diaries. I just wrote because I had the urge to organize my thoughts. Much was not appropriate for a book, but other bits became a book. Soon to be published in a revised edition! A — with Northside Writers’ help, your writings will not take as long to shape up!

Gert here…let’s take the last comment first…the statement is so very interesting!! Here Joan admits that ‘much’ of what she wrote, in her diaries, was ‘not appropriate for a book but other bits became a book’. That book, Forbidden Family, had 640 pages, and only about 80 pages were of any TRUE adoption reform materials! Joan continues to call, what she is working on, a second revised edition, which is false. What she is working on is a different book! And, she and ANYONE that helps her with publishing this DIFFERENT book will be SUED for libel IF SHE HAS MORE LIES about us! Furthermore, as our presentation of NEW evidence shows, Joan has had the PLAN to exploit both birth and adoptive families, for fame and fortune.

Now turning attention to the old flame…one of many I may add…

Richard Weizel’s name does appear in the acknowledgements, page ix, of the libelous book Forbidden Family. Outside of that, there is no other mention of him or the IMPORTANCE that he played in Joan’s life and the EXPLOITATION of the birth and adoptive families…for fame and fortune! The last evidence I present, at the end of this post, will be the VARIOUS titles of Joan’s work in progress and her and Richard Weizel’s grand design! So please stay with me!

But first…from Joan’s notes…from an early draft.

Time Frame: 1980 – 1981. Synopsis: Death of John Lennon, Joan and Hal meet in Virginia Beach, Joan meets Richard Weizel. They try to write a joint book, docu-drama. It falls through, they argue and break up. She meets him again in 1991.

From the pages of Forbidden Family is found only this…

During this time period, Dec 1980, she gets a phone call from a high school boyfriend, Hal, living in Virginia who recently got divorced and wanted to see her; she relates this on page 196. On page 198, she relates ‘…spent a wonderful week together…problems we didn’t anticipate…he wanted me to move to Virginia Beach…I wanted to live where I could maintain relationships with both sets of parents…we said goodbye.’

She marries in 1983 and has children. On page 292, (it’s 1990) she and husband are having marriage problems. Joan doesn’t even mention the year 1991, like that year never happened! Hummm!! On page 295 we are now in 1992! So what happened in 1991? And no mention of the guy with whom she was writing a docu-drama with!

So what is a DOCU-DRAMA? …basically, a book and a movie! To fully understand and appreciate this…it is really necessary to present Joan’s own words; words that didn’t make it into Forbidden Family but words that she would have used if she still HAD Richard Weizel in her life. By presenting the following, narrative of Joan’s, I give readers a very good look at her writing style and mind-set. People have NOT had any opportunity to really know what she published as the book was pulled from publication.

…so here is Joan (within the brackets ^^^^^)…

^^^^

Hal and I spent a wonderful week together. While in Virginia Beach, however, we experienced problems neither of us anticipated. Hal expected me to give up my life in Buffalo and move down to Virginia Beach to live with him. I wasn’t ready to that so Hal sent me home on a quickly arranged flight.

Three weeks later, shortly after New Year’s, 1981, however, Hal called again. He asked me to drive down to Virginia Beach. We had thought it over and both wanted to make it work. Since I had been laid off in late November, there really wasn’t any commitment here in Buffalo.

I drove down to Virginia Beach, woke Hal up from a sound sleep when I knocked on his door at 1am. For a week or so, we were happy. Until the day I suggested the Association for Research and Enlightenment.

The A.R.E. was a spiritual center dedicated to the readings of Edgar Cayce. I was drawn to the spiritual, metaphysical aspects of life; Hal thought they were unimportant. But he agreed to take me there anyway.

Hal stayed in the bookstore, while I attended a lecture on reincarnation. I chose a seat directly in front of the lecturer. The entire room was empty so I was a bit startled and annoyed when a man came in and sat in the chair at my right. When our eyes met, an intuitive flash told me he was adopted, but I quickly dismissed such a ridiculous thought. There was no reason to believe this stranger was adopted, other than to meet my needs of wanting to relate to a man who would understand and identify with me.

The lecturer began with short introductions. When the man to my right said he was a free-lance writer from New York City, my head jerked up. I wanted to tell him that I was writing my autobiography, but decided not to.

With the opening of the question and answer period, I listened intently to the topic being discussed. We were addressing free will and choice, and how it relates to reincarnation. Everything else about reincarnation made sense to me, but this was a hard concept for me to grasp. The idea that the soul chooses its physical life prior to entering the material world (Footnotes #4) was a theory that I couldn’t understand. Knowing the confusion I’d lived with all my life, I doubted that I was responsible for it, so I asked the lecturer, “Why would my soul chose to be born of one mother, only to be adopted and raised by another?”

Before the woman could answer, the writer turned to me, his eyes bursting open with excitement.

“You’re adopted?” he asked. No sooner did I nod my head that he answered excitedly, “So am I!”

“I knew it. I knew it!” I shouted. “I knew you were adopted as soon as you walked in here.” My heart was racing. This just couldn’t be happening.

“As a matter of fact, I’m even writing my autobiography,” he said as his large, brown eyes sparkled.

“So am I!” I said. “And you know, after you said you were a writer I decided I was going to ask you to help me write my book.”

It took several minutes for us to regain our composure. Bt this time, the lecturer was completely confused and she didn’t quite know how to wrap up the hour. She finally concluded with a statement reinforcing her belief that souls chose to be adopted in this life to learn and grow.

I turned to the writer and we feverishly began comparing each other’s stories. Almost in unison, we laughed. I wondered if I might be dreaming. The thought occurred to me, but before I could utter a word, the writer was suggesting that we combine our stories into one long book.

We walked out of the lecture hall, exchanged addresses and phone numbers of where we stayed in Virginia Beach, and went off to find our respective partners.

Reunited once again with Hal, I told him of this chance meeting and how excited I was to find a writer to help me write my book. Hal’s disinterest disappointed me. My adoption story was very important to me and it became clear that he couldn’t understand how important this really was to me. Before we could mend the hurt and make concrete decisions about our lives together or apart, my car blew a rod in the engine. We were on a day trip to Richmond and had to leave my car there while Hal’s friends drove two hours to pick us up.

I was stranded in Virginia Beach with very little money, no car, and a wounded heart. My parents did not know I left Buffalo to be with Hal, and even though my birthfather knew, I could not call him for help. My only other option for a ride anywhere was to call the writer I’d met at the A. R. E. center. Rich was delighted to help out. He picked me up at Hal’s apartment the next day. I said good-bye to Hal in an awkward, choking voice. We hugged one last time and loaded my suitcase in Rich’s car. I knew this would be the last time I’d ever see Hal.

The ride to Queens was pleasant as Rich and I and his friend, Mark, got to know each other. Though worried for my safety, I tried not to think of the dangerous situation I put myself in. The men seemed safe, but this is something I would definitely not do today. Yes, the Spirits were certainly guiding me and protecting me.

In Queens, I stayed with Rich in his apartment. We decided to have me meet his parents before I called mine to arrange for a Western Union money-gram. My parents, of course, thought I was crazy, and at that time, I certainly was crazy. I felt out of control, led by forces I didn’t understand. My parents sent me enough money to get home.

Thus began a six month relationship with the writer from New York City. We were both unemployed at the time, so we traveled back and forth from Buffalo to Queens, staying at a time in our respective homes. As we grew in our love for each other, our knowledge of uncanny coincidences shared between us also grew. It seemed we could not deny that something unusual was happening to us. Our friends were baffled and curious and both of us were involved with meditation groups who stressed that our meeting was a very meaningful one. We had a purpose, we were to accomplish something important together.

The news of our deep synchronistic (Footnotes #5) links soon attracted a Buffalo businessman and his staff. The Institute of Fundamental Holistic Research took us on as clients. Plans were made to turn the story of Rich and Joan into one dynamic book. When publishers turned us down, we were discouraged. However, a Toronto television studio offered a multi-million dollar contract for a docu-drama that would focus on two adoptee’s chance meeting and love story.

As the contracts were being drawn up, I called my lawyer. He advised me to withdraw from the project because my story had not yet been written and the little that had been written was not protected by copyright. He told me that such a docu-drama would focus on all the sensational metaphysical synchronicities and the adoption issues we both wanted to convey would be lost. This, in conjunction with competitive feelings between Rich and I, contributed to our increased dissatisfaction with each other.

Even our views on adoption began to change. I had insisted, as I had done since the very beginning of my reunion, that every adoptee has two sets of parents. On the other hand, Rich believed that his adoptive parents were his only set of parents. He came to this conclusion because he could not find his birthmother. This caused a big rift between us. I was shattered by Rich’s beliefs and tried to get him to see that he has another set of parents out there, whether he finds them or not. We argued bitterly over this issue, and soon our love began to fade.

Rich’s success in finding employment in another city further provoked feelings of inadequacy and rage within me. Though he asked me to join him, I could not leave my home in Buffalo. My roots were there, my life was there. Just because he wasn’t rooted I saw no reason for me to lose my own. In a violent display of insecurity, rage and frustration, I ended our relationship forever.

The sensational love story and the docu-drama were over. I secluded myself in my apartment for a month before I could face the outside world again.

The years went by and I often thought of Rich and what became of him. Then, a little over ten years after our break-up, the name of Richard Weizel popped out at me as I read a newsletter from the Regional Director of The American Adoption Congress. Rich had written two articles in Parenting Magazine about his reunion with his birthparents! I was elated for him and rushed to the library to find the back issues of Parenting Magazine.

The first thing I saw was the artist’s rendition of Rich’s face in painted pictures. He look the same as I remembered him. I quickly scanned the story. Rich’s writing had improved and the story lines included the humor I fell in love with so long ago. The message was clear: he finally accepted his dual parentage.

Overjoyed at his success and relieved that his articles supported the Reform Movement’s purpose, I risked a phone call to locate him. We talked briefly on the phone and agreed to meet at the upcoming AAC Conference in March 1992 in Philadelphia. When we met again, we exchanged apologies and explanations. We also saw each other as the adoption professionals we had both grown into. Evolution took the right course for us. We each had to live our lives and draw our own conclusions. We each realized, finally, the meaning of our meeting in the lecture on reincarnation in Virginia Beach.

^^^^^^

Gert here again, NOW, the following evidence came to me via a google search, where I no longer recall just want I was looking for or at. All I knew was that I HAD SOMETHING and kept it! It appears to be some kind of copyright registration. It does show us just how LONG Joan was working on her book of revenge and with whom!

She had written an article called ‘The Secret is Out’ that included our real names. For the most part none of us in the birth family were particularly concerned about that article, but did voice strong objections to our names being published. In particular, Kathy wrote a letter of complaint and was later vilified and harassed by Prof. Rene Hoksbergen. Those events were misrepresented, exaggerated and falsified by Joan in the libelous book Forbidden Family.

A Comparative study of the anxiety, burnout, and mood of three …

www.faqs.org/…/a-comparative-study-of-the-anxiety-burnout-and-m...

The Secret is out / by Joan Wheelerborn Doris Sippel. Basis of Claim: New Matter: updating & additions. Previous Registration: Prev. reg. as Dual identity: ..

Dual identity

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000080711 / 1981-10-19

Date of Creation:

1981

Title:

Dual identity : secret lies, secret truth / by Joan Wheeler [i.e. Joan Mary Wheeler]

Description:

1 v.

Variant title:

Dual identity : secret lies, secret truth

Copyright Claimant:

Joan Wheeler

Names:

Joan Mary Wheeler 1956-

 

Dual identity

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000082334 / 1981-10-26

Date of Creation:

1981

Title:

Dual identity : synopsis / by Richard Weizel and Joni Wheeler [i.e. Joan Wheeler]

Application Title:

Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth.

Copyright Note:

C.O. correspondence.

Description:

12 p.

Variant title:

Dual identity : synopsis

Other Title:

Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth

Copyright Claimant:

Joan Wheeler & Richard Weizel

Names:

Joan Wheeler 1956-
Richard Weizel 1955-
Joni Wheeler

 

The Secret is out

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000421015 / 1990-06-07

Date of Creation:

1987

Title:

The Secret is out / by Joan Wheeler, born Doris Sippel.

Basis of Claim:

New Matter: updating & additions.

Previous Registration:

Prev. reg. as Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth, 1981, TXu 80-711.

Description:

1 v.

Other Title:

Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth

Copyright Claimant:

Joan Wheeler, born Doris Sippel

Names:

Joan Wheeler 1956-
Doris Sippel

 

A Proposal for forbidden family

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000435527 / 1990-09-13

Date of Creation:

1990

Title:

A Proposal for forbidden family / by Joan Wheeler.

Application Title:

The Secret is out; Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth.

Basis of Claim:

New Matter: additions.

Previous Registration:

Prev. reg. as The Secret is out, 1990, TXu 421-015 & Dual identity: secret lies secret truth, 1981, TXu 80-711.

Description:

sheets in box.

Other Title:

The Secret is out
Dual identity: secret lies, secret truth

Copyright Claimant:

Joan Wheeler, born Doris Sippel

Names:

Joan Wheeler 1956-
Doris Sippel

 

Research survey on found adoptees

Type of Work:

Non-dramatic literary work

Registration Number / Date:

TXu000435764 / 1990-09-11

Date of Creation:

1990

Title:

Research survey on found adoptees.

Copyright Claimant:

Joan M. Wheeler, born Doris M. Sippel

Authorship on Application:

Joan Mary Wheeler, born Doris Michol Sippel.

Names:

Joan Mary Wheeler 1956-
Doris Michol Sippel

 

End…
    

  1. Ruth July 1, 2014

    and guess what folks? Joan has played fast and loose with the FACTS again – she did NOT meet Rich in 1981 – but in late 1979 or early 1980 – how do I know this? BECAUSE SHE BROUGHT HIM TO MY APARTMENT!
    And Joan, ever trying to FIND problems or CREATE problems, actually asked me if there would be a problem when my then (common law) husband returned from Yemen seeing as he was ARAB and Rich was JEWISH.
    In late August 1979 – my common-law husband, Abdo left to go visit his native country of Yemen. He returned to Buffalo – July 5, 1980.
    I clearly remember this Rich in my apartment when it was cold and there was still snow on the ground. And I was in the process of sewing my first belly-dance costume. Which I began taking my very first belly dance lessons in February or March 1980. My teacher was Sherry, from Alden NY.
    I know for a fact that I took those lessons WHILE ABDO WAS IN YEMEN so I could surprise him when he came back. The lessons were part of a continuing adult education program thru Buffalo State College on Elmwood Ave, Buffalo, NY, but the back of the campus was on Grant St, and I lived on the corner of Amherst St. and Military Rd. – only one block away from Grant St, and the back of the campus on Grant St. was only about 3 blocks from Amherst St.
    I know for a fact that Abdo came home July 5, 1980 – because he came home the day after the fourth of July AND a couple of months later, we attended the wedding of my cousin Gail, in 1980 – and she and her husband Kevin was so happy to see Abdo again after his long stay away from Buffalo.
    Explain please Joan, and then you can take your “good advice” to Anthony about your journals and shove it – cos clearly either your journals were in error – OR YOU YOURSELF ARE IN ERROR OR YOU ARE SIMPLY LYING AGAIN. – I put my money on the last choice – because I have been able to PROVE with court documents – THAT JOAN WHEELER IS A DAMN LIAR.

 

Gert here…AND…in 1980 I remarried and started the ADOPTION of my children with 2nd husband. AND Joan had began her browbeating me about the EVILS of adoption and she began to alienate my children from me. Busy little beaver Joan was!

Paula permalink

  1. I loved the part that she states: “The sensational love story and the docu-drama were over. I secluded myself in my apartment for a month before I could face the outside world again.” At least she recognizes that she is “sensational” and to think it only took her a single month to come out of hiding. Wow. It’s been 35 years!! She needs to move on with her life. Otherwise, she’s going to be reincarnated with the same lessons to learn, which she should have learned in THIS lifetime. Stubborn soul! It IS her fault.

  2. Paula, your observations are quite right! Thing is she doesn’t want to let go of it, she can’t, for to do so would mean that she would have to ‘learn’ the lessons that THIS life is presenting to her! Every episode in her life, every thing, is over-wrought with her sensationalizing and drama and then each episode is followed with hiding away…she is bipolar! All the more reason why she ought to let it all go, for she works herself up only to have the let downs. And while this particular episode was 35 years ago…she is STILL doing the same thing, over and over and over again…because she believes that she is on this earth to save the world from adoption! She believes that her ‘life’ is an example of what adoption does to people. And so it goes…

Something old, something new….more contradictions from #adoptee #JoanWheeler.

As with lots of things, in life, it may take awhile to ‘get back’ to them once they had to be put aside, for one reason or another. That is one of the main reasons that some of Joan Wheeler’s ‘older’ posts/comments are coming to light at such a late date; I do have a life besides Joan Wheeler. But, as long as she has those hate-blogs against us, and her once-a-upon-a-time boy friend Brian Maloney, has his hate-blog against us, I shall continue to expose everything I can find that Joan Wheeler has written! It is well worth noting that Joan threw Brian under the bus! He claimed to be her ‘defender’, went out of his way, to attack, browbeat, insult and malign the three birth siblings of Joan, on and for her benefit! Did a fine job of it all for the love of Joan! But, then Joan dropped him when he was no longer useful to her. This guy really OUGHT to take down that hate website against us, it isn’t helping him any!

Be that as it may…

So…I am only now getting to look at this, a comment that Joan wrote on 73adoptee.blogspot.com in March 2009. There are a couple of interesting points to make about this comment.

This post occurred 8 months BEFORE Joan’s lying book was published. She was using a photo of herself along with her full birth and adoptive names, because she WANTED to be known that way as a published author.

Since then, she doesn’t use photo and real names, too much, in many places. She believes that we sisters will not be able to find her. But she is wrong. If she wrote anything on the ‘net’ it shall be found…regardless of the choice of name she uses and we are always watchful.

She was ‘advised’ by fellow adoptees not to use her real name, she refused. But, she does have several screen names and we have found them all.

As this comment occurred before the publication of the libelous book we see how Joan is attempting to ‘show’ her position(s) on adoption reform ie. what is right or wrong. But it doesn’t come out very coherent. And as usual she lies! She never can remember one lie from another. I will bold, in her comment, items I shall comment about.

It should also be noted that Joan is STILL working on ANOTHER BOOK, here in 2014! When ever it does appear we shall see if she learned anything.

But to begin with I will share this observation from Ruth when she first saw the following: notice she said 23 years ago when I was happily married – 2009 minus 23 is 1986 – and in the book, she’s bitching about her marriage. Right!

As I just said, Joan can’t remember what she said in any other context. When she was writing this comment, she ALSO was rewriting the book. It would be so simple to just tell the truth instead of presenting yourself and/or others as something different than what you, or they, are. It takes so much energy to remember the lies and where you told the lies.

About the comment itself; what Joan is writing is in response to some bill in California, which I am not copying in full here. First we see just a portion of one other letter.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009 Letter To California: No Compromise On Adoptee Rights

Dear Assemblywoman Fiona Ma and other members of the California State Assembly,
I write to you concerning adoption records access in California. Bills are being considered that offer only conditional access to records. I urge you to enact laws that provide equal access to adoption records for all adult Californians.
Fellow adoptees from California have asked me to share my story with you. Triona Guidry Author, 73adoptee.blogspot.com

****the words, in Joan’s letter below that are in bold are what Gert’s comments will address***

Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel said…

Triona,
The more I read, the more I learn. This is pathetic, what they’ve done to you! Both states are against you, and so is your natural mother!

Twenty-three years ago, when I was happily married, my husband and I attended a dinner party given by a community organization. A woman I hardly knew, picked a fight with me. She yelled at me that “me and my group of adoptees” influenced a stranger to “bang on her door” and “confront” their elderly mother. I was shaking and in tears, for I didn’t know why this woman was yelling at me. When she had calmed down, she said that her unknown half sister had attended a meeting of a local adoptee group that I was leading at the time. Turned out that, despite advice given to NOT barge in, an adoptee who attended one meeting, was sure she had the right mother, was angry, and stormed the 70-something year old woman at her front door! The old woman did not want her “secret” to be known, and her live-in middle-aged daughter did not know she had an older half sister. It was a mess. The elderly husband also did not know and so this scene created a cascade of horrible events.

I’m explaining this for a reason: This kind of intense fear is a result of the harsh treatment a mother went through when pregnant, scared, and belittled. Of course she would have built up feelings of fear and hatred for the “baby” who caused her to go through this. To carry this around, not be able to tell her own husband, or her second daughter who was the only other child she had, is an unthinkable punishment for a crime that society assigned.

The real solution, then, is many-fold. Don’t give such women the chance to sign “no contact” forms. Why? Because no person has the moral right to deny their own offspring knowledge of the truth of their conception and birth. That should be carved into stone and then made into law: You give birth, you have an obligation to tell the truth. Furthermore, access to your birth certificate is access to information, not necessarily an invitation for contact.

Even twenty-three years ago,myself and others in the reform movement advised not to barge in on unsuspecting natural parents or, if a parent was searching, not to barge in on an unsuspecting adoptee who may not know she or he was adopted. Consideration works both ways.

Obviously we are dealing with a complex issue. Legislation to restore adoptees’ civil rights should not be confused with the emotions of a found parent, or adoptee, and complex family relationships affected. If anything is legislated beyond adoptee access, proposed laws might look at a way to counsel and inform the found individual and family with compassion and understanding of what happened in the past, how to heal those hurts, and deal with the present.

My heart goes out to you, and your natural mother. You both are suffering needlessly.

March 10, 2009 11:21 AM    end of Joan’s comment

Gert’s comments:

Why is Joan, who is NOT a resident of California, writing a protest letter? Support? Okay, but why then doesn’t she address the issue at hand? Joan never does, address the issue at hand that is, because she gets carried away and starts talking about herself and her issues. The issue, here, is adoption records access NOT all the other issues that Joan brings out. Too much information! It tends to close people’s eyes and ears. Joan’s self-righteousness actually turns the ‘powers that be’ off!

Joan is also two-faced!! Her reasons, she gives, for the damage that keeping records and secrets end up creating are the very same reasons why we, the birth siblings, are upset that Joan published, lied and fabricated so much about our lives and never once thought about our privacy! Here, then, are my comments to some of Joan’s statements, that are in bold.

is pathetic, what they’ve done to you

See and hear Joan’s outrage! Only she can have that emotion! Members of her birth and adoptive families have no right to feel any outrage over what she has done to them!

Twenty-three years ago, when I was happily married

Ruth has already addressed that, namely notice she said 23 years ago when I was happily married – 2009 minus 23 is 1986 – and in the book, she’s bitching about her marriage.

I will add that, in the book, Joan leaves NOTHING to guess at as to just how totally unhappy her married life was, the same goes for her relationships with her children and her boy-friends. Depending on whom Joan is talking to, at any given time, the story is always altered.

me and my group of adoptees

influenced, confront

Right from the beginning, with Joan and these angry adoptees, their first reaction is to confront. I well know it, for in 1979/80, from the very beginning of ‘discussion’ to ‘actual’ adoption of my own son, Joan did everything in her power to get me to stop the adoption process. She was very confrontational and because I refused to listen to her she retaliated against me by alienating my minor children against me and calling child abuse on me twice…so yes I know all about this confrontation! So even if this ‘event’ that she is referring to happened in 1986, Joan USED those tactics years before and I was her FIRST VICTIM!

attended a meeting of a local adoptee group that I was leading at the time

despite advice given to NOT barge in,

angry, and stormed the 70-something year old woman

did not want her “secret” to be known,

It was a mess

scene created a cascade of horrible events.

As I’ve said, I knew all about this type of confrontation! Even if advice is given NOT to do so, there is always someone who will take it upon themselves to act out against someone else. This is why Joan Wheeler is so DANGEROUS, because she advocates violence. She is an angry adoptee and those like her, on the public forum, Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, are always using various violent means to go after pro-adoption folks.

Joan Wheeler is a two-faced speaker. If a person does not agree with her, she will, and does, go after them. Joan is talking here about someone NOT wanting their SECRET out! That did not stop Joan for writing about her birth family in articles, in a lying book and on two webpages and enlisting other adoptees to go after her siblings and enlisting her boy friend Brian to create a hate-blog against us. Joan HAD/HAS no regard for our privacy and our ‘secret’. She exploited us and exposed us and lied about us, in print and she did so during the time she wrote this lying comment!

This kind of intense fear is a result of the harsh treatment a mother went through when pregnant, scared, and belittled.

would have built up feelings of fear and hatred for the “baby” who caused her to go through this.

unthinkable punishment for a crime that society assigned.

Where does she get this kind of inferred logic? How does Joan KNOW what that woman went through? How can she say, with such certainty, that the intense fear was a result of any kind of treatment? This is purely speculative in nature and if Joan thinks that the ‘powers to be’ are influenced by this rhetoric she is wrong…they see right through this nonsense. And then, she projects her own feelings by suggesting that the built up feelings were directed at the baby! My gods! And this kind of warped thinking is suppose to help adoption reform! And furthermore, Joan states, with great conviction, that society has committed a crime that causes the imagined punishment! No, all this is just the screaming rage of one angry adoptee!

The real solution, then, is many-fold

Because no person has the moral right to deny their own offspring knowledge of the truth of their conception and birth

should be carved into stone and then made into law

give birth, you have an obligation to tell the truth.

access to your birth certificate is access to information, not necessarily an invitation for contact.

Solutions are not found in Joan Wheeler’s flawed logic. This logic is so flawed it is incomprehensible. Giving birth has nothing to do with telling the truth. Joan has no conception of how human beings act and think. Unfortunately, people do harm, to themselves, their offspring and others, and, no moral outrage will make them stop. Making laws to make people moral!! A society can not legistate MORALITY, it comes from within.

As a birth sibling, who found Joan Wheeler, that contact did NOT give her the right to abuse me and my family, nor to call child abuse upon me, or to tell and write falsehoods about me, just because I told her to butt out of my life. Joan never sees her own wrong words and actions.

myself and others in the reform movement advised not to barge in on unsuspecting natural parents

Consideration works both ways.

Where was her ‘consideration’ for members of the birth family…after we found her? Where was it for me, a birth sister, when Joan ‘went after’ me because I was adopting! Joan knew perfectly well what she was doing in 1979/80 when she ‘barged’ in on my family. Where was her consideration for me and my family’s right to self-govern? Joan Wheeler has no consideration for others, she only wants to stop people from adopting.

are dealing with a complex issue.

the emotions of a found parent, or adoptee, and complex family relationships affected.

a way to counsel and inform

with compassion and understanding of what happened in the past, how to heal those hurts, and deal with the present.
My heart goes out to you

What lines of bullshit…it is only written for ‘show’. Knowing Joan Wheeler, as well as I do, she has no compassion and understanding for anyone who is pro-adoption. Once, in 1981, I went to a professional mediation group looking for a way to solve our dispute. When asked, by the counselor, if Joan would sit with me and a mediator, Joan said ‘go to hell’. So don’t listen to Joan’s false words of compassion, understanding and how to heal. Her heart goes out to no one but herself!

***

  1. She was setting herself up to be something she is not. You’re right. Very manipulative and calculated. If she were truly interested in healing from her adoption, she wouldn’t have caused so much harm by naming names and harming the birth sisters with her book. It was counter-productive! But her intention was never to heal past wounds and hurt. Her intention was to seek revenge for the wrongs committed against her. Poor, pathetic woman! What an angry and spiteful woman. All she had to do was shut up and step outside of herself for a bit and practice some compassion and empathy. Oh, but people like her can’t do that. The eternal victims. She refuses to be accountable for her life…her happiness, her pain, her suffering…it’s all someone else’s fault. Uuugghh!

  2. right you are, Paula! thank you for your insights!
    Joan is incapable of healing herself, for if she paid attention to her SELF she would have to GIVE UP her anger and hate, but she can’t for they are the only emotions that make her life a life.

Ruth here -

compassion?” riiiiggghtt – Joan sure showed ME compassion when in 1987, two years after my miscarriage, (and Joan knew I was grieving AND she knew that I had tried for four years to conceive) – during a phone conversation – Joan keeps babbling about infertility. I told her once, twice, a third time, that I did NOT want to talk about the subject. Did she abide by my wishes? NO! She had the nerve to say “I know more about infertility than you think I do.” Really? she knows only book things – she knows only what other people TELL her – BUT she does NOT know about infertility, because she had two children. There is absolutely NO way that Joan can “know” about infertility anymore than I can know about giving birth!
Sooo, when she came at me with that comment, I slammed the phone down on her. COMPASSION? oh hell no! Joan showed NO compassion to me.

THEN – because a couple of days later, I found a new place to live, when I did move a month later, I had my mail forwarded to a friend’s house in Lackawanna, NY. Joan CALLED MY SUPERVISOR AT WORK – trying to “find” me. She kept calling my job. Just about every night there was a note on my time card “Ruth, call Joan Wheeler 876-6419.” I would always throw the notes in the garbage. My supervisor told me that Joan whined to her on the phone that “she didn’t know why I didn’t want anything to do with her.” And my supervisor told me that she told Joan, “we can’t make Ruth call you.”
Now what was that that Joan said about the woman coming at her at the dinner party: “I was shaking and in tears, for I didn’t know why this woman was yelling at me.” – yep – that’s Joan, liar. She does things to antagonize people and then claims she doesn’t know why people get mad at her. She said it several times in her book when people came at her ‘ “I was shocked..” “I was surprised…” “I don’t know why…” Joan is either very STUPID or just a plain out trouble maker and liar! Either way – she’s someone to avoid.
Also – in her book, in person and on the internet – she’s always throwing accusations our at her birth family about us all “stalking” her. – Well, you know what? Stupid me, in 1988, I called her up and told her where I was living and hooked back up with her (what the HELL was I thinking?) – She told me that she had gone to the post office to get my forwarding address and was directed to the address in Lackawanna, and she drove over there, but was “confused” because there was an Arab family living there.
okay – STALKING!
going to the post office to get my forwarding address
driving to that address to find me
calling my supervisor to whine about me not calling her
calling my job repeatedly leaving messages
THAT’S CALLED STALKIING!

Joan still lives in a false sense of reality! and totally unaware that HER PAST does resurface!

In recent days…she posted about an article on Yahoo saying…

“this article was written by an ex-boyfriend of mine! yeah Rich Richard Weizel”

Yep but she DOESN’T tell what the ex and her were ATTEMPTING to do with exploiting the birth family! But we know and in due time will EXPOSE that evidence!

then she posted this little goodie

“Glad to help out! 38 years ago, I began writing about my life in journals, diaries. I just wrote because I had the urge to organize my thoughts. Much was not appropriate for a book, but other bits became a book. Soon to be published in a revised edition! — with Northside Writers’ help, your writings will not take as long to shape up!”

She is a con-artist! on top of being a liar! there can NOT be a revised edition of a libelous book that has been pulled from publication, by the publisher. That is why Joan has been cultivating and using the writer’s group and others. Those ‘other bits became a book’ NEVER should have been in the book…they are what made that book libelous! My advise to people is to get as far away from her as possible are your name is be forever linked to a liar!

Gert – when you say, ” there can NOT be a revised edition of a libelous book that has been pulled from publication, by the publisher.” – you should have said – THERE CAN NOT BE A REVISED EDITION OF THE TRUTH! – Because when Joan signed a contract with Trafford Publishers to have her book published, she told them that everything in it was the TRUTH. When she began promoting that book, she said on various places on the internet that her book was the TRUTH. But in reading that book, I found many lies in it – and I still had documentation that PROVED what Joan wrote in her book was FALSE. That documentation was sent to Trafford and their legal department saw that Joan LIED to them and they pulled the book.
So – now Joan is REVISING her book. Now tell me Joan – if it is necessary to REVISE it, then it WASN’T THE TRUTH like you said it was.
Liar.

“Adoption crap just doesn’t stop!” says #JoanWheeler

Gosh it must be terrible to always have ‘crap’ in one’s face! Doesn’t she have any soap and water to get that ‘crap’ off her face and out of her life?

I have a personal philosophy: if I’m miserable, doing something, or thinking about something, why am I doing it or thinking of it? And then I drop that miserable whatever! There’s enough general pain and anguish in life as it is, so why not dump the crap and move on to more pleasant things. Hanging on to negative thoughts and actions will only make a person sick and old before their time! Looking at Joan Wheeler’s profile picture I can see just how sick and old she is, today, long before her time.

But, you know the adage; you can lead a horse to water…but you can’t make him drink…even if he’s dying of thirst! Make no mistake, Joan is dying because she will NOT let go of her anger and hate and drink the waters of life.

Recently, May 16, 2014, I was shown some ‘new’ comments by Joan on her Facebook page. She sure likes to suffer! Her comments that follow are in italics…mine are in normal typeface.

I’ve noticed that Joan LOVES to point out various aspects of her life of WOE and HARDSHIP, trying to elicit sympathy; she craves it and will gravel to gain it!

In the following comment, she had just given praise for some adoption reform event and then right on the heels of that followed it up with…

I would have been there had it not been for personal problems

Translation: see, it’s these personal problems that are stopping me! Pity me I have so many problems!

Then, on another thread, she goes on a rampage, her usual mode of operation, combining her disgust on, and about, something positive about adoption. Heaven forbid that ANYONE would think that there is anything POSITIVE about adoption! You’ll get the gist of it and see how Joan uses her ‘outrage’ to ‘browbeat’ yet another innocent person! Joan’s philosophy is to ‘reach out and touch and educate (read intimidate) every individual she encounters to the evils of adoption’. There are several problems with that approach, of course, but mostly when Joan does this she has NO IDEA that people see her as a NUT CASE.

Adoption crap just doesn’t stop.

I showed up at my doctor’s office for a check up today. As the receptionist checks me in, I notice her lovely heart shaped necklace. I asked her what it was since I had never seen such an intricate diamond necklace. She said it was Jane Seymore’s Open Heart necklace.

I immediately froze up, recalling the fiasco of this past Feb over that disgusting TV commercial in the hospital showing the door of the delivery room, the nurse bringing a newborn to a waiting couple, and the husband giving his wife the necklace, saying, “Gee, hon, we are now adoptive parents.”

I, Gert, interrupt this tale to point out Joan’s hyper state of awareness to ANYTHING positive to adoption, she froze up and is high alert stage! Continuing on…

I told the receptionist I, along with thousands of adoption activists, are boycotting Jane Seymore and Kay Jewelers. I told her the story. As the receptionists listened, I told her how we are insulted by this TV commercial and the commodification of babies and mothers. I then pulled up my Broken Heart Adoption Necklace from …. and told her that I was one of the first people to buy it. (How are sales going, Tracy?)

Gert interrupting the story again…where DOES Joan get $$$ to go to conventions and purchase jewelry? She’s on NY State disability! Working the system, she must be! Notice how Joan goes right for the jugger vein? She doesn’t care that the receptionist is just a receptionist doing her job! Joan has a ‘captive audience’, the poor receptionist probably wanted to tell Joan to shut up!

The receptionist got her education today! She was in shock. Good. Another non-adopted person to learn the truth of adoption. 

That’s all Joan cares about, shocking people and force feeding them the ‘truth’ about adoption.

The good news: she listened! She understood! One more person awakened.

Joan loves the shock and awe approach blind-siding people. Of course Joan is blind herself for she assumes that she did a good deed that the woman WANTED to listen to her and that she UNDERSTOOD and became AWAKENED! Savior Joan Wheeler strikes again with her own brand of GOOD NEWS. Joan is like one of those religious fundamentalists that she rails against! Joan just switched adoption with religion! Same BS, same tactics!

Anyone care to post the links to the great articles written about that disgusting commercial? We need to liven up the comment sections again.

By all means, call in the troops, go after innocent people who adopt. General Joan Wheeler taking full command of the hordes of angry adoptees!

Seems to me that Joan only ‘feels’ alive when she can sink her teeth into her anger and hate over adoption. She acts like an ‘addict’ looking for her next fix, as in this comment…

I feel the need for some lovin, adoption reform style! Snark, much?

And this comment…

What the hell is/was the story on “the adoption lynch mob needs to take a chill pill”? Damn, I missed a good one! Linky Please! I feel the need for some S and M tonight, adoption reform style, that is!

Gert here again; Joan probably was in one of her ‘depressive’ moods; she is after all bipolar. And now she’s emerged into her manic mood! For obviously she is so excited that she is ‘wetting her pants’, ‘chopping at the bit’, because she missed a good story where she could have applied her skills of browbeating, insulting and intimidation! She WANTS a link! She NEEDS S and M! I’ve said this many times before, Joan is into inflicting pain onto others and herself; that’s what makes her alive.

here’s the link in case anyone is interested…

http://www.mommyish.com/2014/02/06/kay-jewelers-adoption-commercial/

Then there’s this goodie, where she attempts, again, to browbeat and MAKE the other person wrong for their opinion/choice. According to Joan, NO adoption is right and it should be abolished. There is no other position. Joan will make dam sure that everyone gets it, her position, and right up close and in your face. Anyone and everyone who adopts are WRONG. Joan will go to the ends of the earth to make sure they all know it.

Every adoption is different, and, from my won experience, and other reformists, gay men and lesbians can be well-meaning, but also niave. And some are selfish, just as any other adoptive parent. We reformists, or abolitionists, take the stand that NO adoption is best! Here’s why: you can achieve the same thing (provide a loving home to a child who needs a home) without striping the child of her or his birth certificate for life. And taking away the family of birth for life. Legal Guardianship provides for a legal relationship between the adults who will care for the child and the child, but will retain the child’s name of birth and place within the family of birth. In the situation you describe, when a mother does not want to be a parent, she can lose custody (as in a divorce or foster care), but she is still the child’s mother. This is best for the child’s self identity. And self esteem. I don’t know Dan as well as you do, and I now see why he jumped at me that time at Panera’s. He’s a sensitive gay man who thinks I’ll try to take away his gay rights. Nothing could be further from the truth. I respect gays and lesbians rights. But, when two Dads or two Moms want to be named on a new, amended, birth certificate created upon adoption, that is just ridiculous. The “right” to adopt, should not mean to further confuse the child! A child knows it takes one egg and one sperm to make a baby — and any two parents of the same gender who insist on being named on a new FALSIFIED birth certificate are not only lying, but insisting on making a deeper falsehood than when two heterosexuals adopt a stranger’s child. This is very complex. …So, I mean no disrespect to Dan and his husband, or to the adoptee. Keep in mind, I’ve been at this for 40 years. Seen and heard it all. In the end, the adoptee suffers. …The mother of Dan’s adoptee needs serious help. She is beyond reasoning. But to deny the truth of who is the mother while pretending two fathers created the adoptee by this could all back fire someday. …Thank you for reading and communicating!!!

And this

Even Open Adoptions stink! Open adoptions still result in the adoptee’s birth certificate sealed by the state, and a false one issued to replace it.

Gert …yep even open adoption is no good for Joan! She also doesn’t like, nor accept, ‘step-parent’ adoption, like what I did with my second husband. In my case Joan interfered with my parental rights and when I would NOT listen to her she called false child abuse on me, twice.

Joan is stuck on ‘false’ documents. She doesn’t care about human beings nor their rights! She doesn’t see any ‘need’ for humans to be adopted. All she sees is that adoption results in a false document. She does NOT accept that there is a need for that. Even WHEN the laws change, to allow medical history and identity known to an adoptee, Joan will NOT be satisfied! She must eradicate all false birth certificates!

And, as seen in the following comment, when someone, anyone, DIFFERS in opinion or STATES that they FEEL they are being attack, because they see the issue differently, Joan just continues on with her observations, opinions and diagnosis, of those that do not see adoption in the same way as she does. Joan must make everyone think like herself.

We’re not attacking you!!! You are the one asking, so it will be hard listening to all the anger and hurt that adoption caused us. I will say this, that evening I met all of you at Panera’s, I was new to that group (still interested, just busy). I felt something was up with Dan the way he reacted to me when I said I was writing a book about my adoption-reunion. We are all experts at our own lives, that’s for sure. I had no idea Dan wrote a book! Fabulous! I’ll have to get it! No matter how much an author tries to make a manuscript feel good to all people involved,, it just won’t happen. Famikly members are going to be upset, no matter what. And Ii will try to calm him down next time I see him! Friends, right!? He’s on the defensive. He’s okay. As long as he’s willing to listen to how an adoptee feels.

We’re not attacking you!!!

Gert … The ‘we’ are Joan, and other adoptees, attempting (forcing) their views upon another. Joan does NOT see that she is indeed attacking the other. Joan has no conception of how true conversations and debates work; the give and take of ‘facts’ and ‘point counter-point’ versus ‘opinions that must be accepted’ and agreeing to disagree! Joan MUST have the upper hand and MUST make sure the other ACCEPTS her opinion. Joan is a fundamentalist and a fanatic!

We are all experts at our own lives, that’s for sure.

Gert…Well then, if that statement is correct, why did she write about my life, my children’s lives, my siblings’ lives, my parents’ lives and others’ lives and CLAIM that her VIEW is a truthful account? No, Joan is blowing smoke up every one’s ass! Joan’s view, her perceptions are the ONLY expert opinion that counts, in her mind.

Famikly members are going to be upset, no matter what

Gert…Well if one KNOWS this, then they should use discretion and be sensitive to family members, but NO, Joan has no feelings for anyone but herself! All she cares about is her views and feelings and she shall have the only right to expression.

will try to calm him down next time I see him! Friends, right!? He’s on the defensive.

 Gert…OH so Joan the great social worker will ‘calm him down’! And what if he doesn’t want her interference/intervention? She’s done this many times! She knows what everyone else NEEDS. I, and other family members, have been on the receiving end of Joan helpfulness!

Then she throws out the carrot, to whom she is talking; we still are ‘FRIENDS’, right…meaning, she just turned the tables on the person! That’s a diffusion tactic! Right after she insults the intelligence of the person she’s talking to, she indicates they are still ‘friends’ and IF the other says NO WE ARE NOT, then Joan has that individual by the balls! Oh Joan is GOOD, good at projecting a lot of bullshit!

Also notice how she PROCLAIMS that the person they are talking about is ON THE DEFENSIVE! How can Joan KNOW this? Because she’s a master at diagnosing the inner workings of everyone but herself!

He’s okay. As long as he’s willing to listen to how an adoptee feels.

Gert…Sure, he is okay! He’s being held hostage by Joan! He either listens to how an adoptee FEELS or he becomes an enemy! What a bargain!

Yep, Joan has all the tricks mastered.

Mother’s Day

gertmcqueen:

a wonderful dedication post by Ruth

Originally posted on Ruth Sippel Pace - Family Stories:

 Yesterday, May 11, 2014 was Mother’s Day.

 I lost my mother when I was three years old. I don’t remember her. There are no pictures of her holding me. But I miss her. I visit her grave from time to time, leaving a few flowers from my garden. I only live about 2 miles from the cemetery, so it’s not difficult to go.

March 28, 2014, marked the 58th anniversary of her death. March is really not a good time to visit the cemetary. I don’t like the cold. I like to go when it’s sunny and warm and the flowers are in bloom. I love flowers, roses are my favorite. I don’t know what kind of flowers Mom liked.

In February, one of my facebook friends posted a nice picture of a bouguet of roses in the clouds – there was a space on the left side…

View original 371 more words

Any topic, no matter how far-fetched or outlandish, #JoanWheeler will find something that she can latch onto…

…in order to use to promote her hate and anger and to repeat her version of what she thinks happened to her. Joan cannot ever ‘let it go’, she must always, find any avenue to be able to voice her anger at being adopted and it doesn’t matter what year it is! 2010, 2012, 2014…how much longer do we all have to hear the same old, same old?

My comments will follow Joan’s (halforphan56) piece here (misspellings are Joan’s)…

I have here the blog and post link and Joan’s comment…but…when I went to check them out (May 2014) it appears as if this particular post is GONE. Can’t imagine why! Even adoptees are putting distance between themselves and Joan Wheeler! And the halforphan’s comment goes directly to her web site!

www.declassifiedadoptee.com/…/what-sins-did-jesus-commit-to-solve...

What Sins Did Jesus Commit to Solve Social Issues?

halforphan56HYPERLINK “http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2010/10/what-sins-did-jesus-commit-to-solve.html?showComment=1288461043940″ \l “c4423584698088092791″October 30, 2010 1:50 PM

Great post, A….I’ve always wondered about these topics, but you said it better than I could. Maybe that’s because you are closer to the religious aspects than I am. I left the Catholic Church so long ago because I couldn’t live the lies the church, and everyone else around me, wanted me to live. I hate the way Jesus is thrown around without the actual realization of what lying is and how that pertains to adoption and the adoptee’s falsified birth certificate. In my case, I have a falsified Baptismal certifcate, too, with a priest’s signature and raised seal of the Catholic Church. So the lying is more than the name change and falsified birth certificate. For me, it is the priest’s own hand in manipulating who baptised me, who my parents are, who my godparents are, what name I was given at birth and at baptism and later the falsfied baptismal certificate, and how that was changed when I was adopted: all sanctified by the priest’s signature. Also, the fact that a priest talked my father into giving me up (at my mother’s funeral no less), so no, Catholics can all go to hell for messing up my life.

Gert here:

I can certainly agree with the sentiment about the ways Jesus is used to promote/decry anything, by anyone. How many Jesus-es  are in the world? How many believers are there? That’s how many Jesus-es there are and each believer has a different view of JC…but that’s not our concern here. Nor is any one’s views or feelings or thinking about the Catholic Church, mine included. I certainly have many of my own objections, but, we are not talking about anyone except Joan, here, and her views of hate and anger.

Now, what we want to examine here is Joan’s anger and hate and her faulty logic and her inability to understand and rectify what and how state and church work together, or not. Her statement…‘Catholics can all go to hell for messing up my life’…only shows her anger and her inability to LET GO. Anyone who is Catholic is an enemy and she hates all of the enemies! Many people leave the Church for many reasons; I have, but, I don’t hold each and every Catholic accountable for real or imagined crime against me.

The Church, like any other organization, has a structure, with those on the bottom of the ladder, those worker-bees, are only are ‘following orders’. In the case of any religious organization, in this country, they have to obey the rules of the land, i.e., the laws of the United States of American.

Joan has written letters to past Presidents of the US and to the Pope, but, unless she drops her anger and hate, she will NEVER GET ANYWHERE with anyone.

One of Joan’s problems is that she refuses to acknowledge that the laws governing adoption are made by and via legislature. If she wants CHANGE, than she needs to LOBBY the law-makers. NOTHING gets done, no change happens, when all a person does is to bitch and bitch and bitch, to people that have NO POWER to change anything! Joan is wasting her breath and precious life by complaining to everyone and no one! So, if the laws, of adoption, state that birth certificates and baptismal certificates must be changed, to reflect the change of name of person being adopted and the parents, then that is what has to BE DONE! It is a legal fiction similar to what happened(s) with immigrants where their names are misspelled on purpose or by accident! Legal fictions happen everywhere and are a fact of life.

To Joan, her adoption, ‘with a priest’s signature and raised seal of the Catholic Church’…is a conspiracy against her, personally! Sounds like paranoid to me.  If she really was interested in changing the laws and the way things are done, she would get herself into some kind of organized LOBBYING that is done with petitions and calm discussions!

Add to the perceived conspiracy, the additional sin, of a repeated hearsay, from the adopted parents, which has no real validness other than in Joan’s mind, that a priest talked my father into giving me up (at my mother’s funeral no less!)’ Well there are many people, who had a priest tell them something, according to Church thinking, and it is NO reason to hold onto a grudge. I had a priest tell me, moments before my marriage, that I did not have to marry the ‘non-Catholic’; I could have the baby and place him into adoption!! Oh my, isn’t that what Joan harps on…that the Church TAKES the baby away from the mother!!! Well, I got married and kept my baby…who then was ADOPTED later by his step-father. And it was JOAN WHEELER who interfered with that adoption process. What a two-faced hypocrite Joan is! All I see in this comment is just another place for Joan to speak her hate and anger and no good ever comes from that!

I have addressed this issue of legal fictions and birth certificates in several past post, here I draw attention to one post where I discuss this topic and a chapter from the book@..

Birth certificates and amended adoption certificates are NOT evidence of state fraud…they are vital statics! on March 1, 2012

Next I want to present Joan’s own words, from the libelous book that got pulled from publication, in 2011, about how she WENT AFTER the individual priest who signed her baptismal certificate; talk about a stalker and a bully! She also feels compelled to hold other people to standards that she herself refuses to follow, such as, not lying and not being honorable.

Page 475 of Forbidden Family, a libelous book that has been pulled from publication, and I quote the author Joan Wheeler;

The Catholic Church is also Guilty of Fraud

The Catholic Church officially issued, and certified to be true, a false baptismal certificate. Issued three years after my baptism, my new baptismal certificate gives the impression that my legal name is the name in which I was baptized. This is not true. These lies were signed by a priest testifying to the truth of the information on the document. By the time I formulated my questions and searched for this priest to ask him if he understood the consequences of his signature on a false religious document, I discovered that he was in a nursing home. I let him alone to meet his maker without confronting him. Years later in 2008, I wrote my first letter of complaint to the Pope. It was acknowledged with a form letter from the Vatican. I wrote my second letter to the Pope in early 2009. That letter has yet to be answered either by another simple form letter, or by an official Vatican acknowledgment of the issue of a priest’s signature on a false religious document. The 9th Commandment says, ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness.’ The church of my childhood, and the parents who raised me, taught me to be honest.’

Let’s look a little closer at two issues here:

By the time I formulated my questions and searched for this priest to ask him if he understood the consequences of his signature on a false religious document, I discovered that he was in a nursing home. I let him alone to meet his maker without confronting him.

Isn’t that magnanimous of her! She let an old priest, in a nursing home, alone! If he wasn’t, in a nursing home, she would certainly have confronted him! The priest was ‘just following orders’, he wasn’t the one who made the rules! But no, to Joan, SOMEONE had to pay and she was willing to search for the poor old man. She wants this old priest to understand the consequences of his signature but she is never willing, nor does she ever, to take responsibility and consequences of her own actions. So, because she was unable to have her ‘revenge’ on this old priest, she mocks him with his doom of ‘meeting his maker’. And this is how one treats the elderly! Oh yes, Joan Wheeler browbeats those weaker than herself.

The 9th Commandment says, ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness.’ The church of my childhood, and the parents who raised me, taught me to be honest.

For someone who denies and condemns the Church why does she use their laws! Seems to me that that’s a case of ‘having her cake and eating it too’! No, this is pure mockery, Joan Wheeler likes to mock people. And if Joan believes that 9th Commandment then why has she NOT obeyed and followed it herself? If she was taught to be honest, then, why is Joan Wheeler so dishonest and dishonorable? Why does she lie? Because she doesn’t know anything except her hate and anger! And more and more people are beginning to see the real Joan Wheeler!

Ruth

good post Gert – and I want to add this observation of another hypocritical LIE told by Joan:
Gert points out and quotes JOAN WHEELER’S OWN WORDS FROM HER BOOK: “The 9th Commandment says, ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness.’ The church of my childhood, and the parents who raised me, taught me to be honest.”
I call BULLSHIT on this – Because Joan told MANY lies about me in that in book. And I had the documented PROOF of those lies – actual Buffalo City Court documents – and those documents were sent to Trafford Publications and that is why her book was pulled from publication – because Joan Wheeler BORE FALSE WITNESS against me, her own sister. Joan is NOT honest, despite saying her parents raised and taught her to be – because in 1989 – she withdrew money from a joint checking account that we had for the purpose of buying real estate – most of the money was MINE – and Joan, WITHOUT MY PERMISSION – withdrew MY money to fix her car, buy hamburgers at the mall and god knows what else she did. When you take someone’s money without their permission – that is called STEALING – so tell us again Joan how HONEST and TRUTHFUL you are!

Being lied to and lying…the inner workings of #JoanWheeler’s mind!

Learning how Joan Wheeler’s mind works,  is a fascinating exercise! She objects strongly that she was lied to, but she thinks NOTHING about how she continuously lies! She does NOT allow anyone to have ‘their own view’ of anything. She is incapable of putting herself in the shoes of another. Her view is the only one that counts!

This post is about what she wrote on the public forum for Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change. The forum is no longer public because I have exposed so much of their negative attitudes. If people don’t want the world to see their words they should never be on any public forum. But, Joan was, still is, on public forums and she continues to lie.

Joan’s inner workings; she rails against injustices done to her but NEVER sees the injustices that she DOES to others. Here she is, as 1adoptee, addressing a quote, by someone and then enlightening us all, with her advise that she, herself, does not abide by.

Title: Re: I want to know what others think…
Post by: 1adoptee on April 19, 2011, 01:44:14 PM

Quote   You would at least have it off our chest and let her know the jig is up.

A few years ago, my therapist asked me if my amom knew how I felt about being lied to all of my life. That stopped me cold. No, she didn’t know because I didn’t tell her exactly how I felt and why. So I did. It doesn’t matter how old they are, you just have to come clean with your feelings and be specific as to why. You may not get a response, but you may get a partial response. My amom at least talked through some of the issues of adoption and we came to resolution about the official lie of our birth certificates,, but as to keeping my adoption a secret, no, there was never a resolution of that issue. Once your aparents die, there is only you left to cope with the mess. That part is not very helpful, but at least if you speak your mind now you won’t be regretful when she is no longer here to attempt to talk things out. Therapy is the only way to get through the rest.

Gert here…Certainly, the way we are brought up will either give us power or make us powerless. It is my firm belief that Joan was raised to be powerless. It doesn’t take any kind of degree to figure that out. But for all the years of having a ‘therapist’ you would think that Joan would have learned something and change her life. Alas she has not! Joan is so good at being able to tell these faceless writers, on a public forum, about HOW to deal with their demons, but Joan can’t deal with her own! How many more years will Joan need to be in therapy before she understands that she was adopted and that adoption is NOT bad or a wrong thing?

It is Joan’s bad luck ??? to have been adopted BY THOSE PARENTS and to have had the upbringing that she had. I question the luck issue because you know it is possible that her SOUL choose to be adopted so that her SOUL could learn needed lessons…but that is not for this discussion. But, the fact that she was adopted by those parents does not make ADOPTION A BAD THING. Joan has been beating up the wrong dead horse all her life. It is NOT adoption, it was her adopted parents and adoptive family that were, perhaps, the bad thing. Joan would gain much if she recognized that and stopped beating up the wrong institutions and people.

Joan says…you won’t be regretful when she is no longer here to attempt to talk things out.

Again here is an example of Joan’s two-faced logic. Joan NEVER wanted to and still does not want to talk things out with the birth siblings and family! No, she wrote a lying libelous book to make sure that she doesn’t have to talk things out! Her book is the TRUTH and she is sticking to that, even though she, and it, have been proven totally false and libelous. If Joan HAD talked things out with us, and mended her ways, she could have written a book that was truthful and NOT filled with angry hate. But, Joan NEVER learns.

Title: Re: I want to know what others think…
Post by: 1adoptee on April 19, 2011, 01:49:41 PM

I also want to address the idea that someone brought up about the difference of being crazy rather than being mean. I think there is a distinct possiblity that amoms are in such denial of the horrors that adoption lies have put their adotpees through that they just can’t come clean with what they did. Back in the fifties, it was the thing to do: raise a child as happy and as care-free as possible. So what if there were major ommissions in the truth of the background of the adoptee? That doesn’t matter because we’ve got you now and everything is going to okay. In their minds, they did nothing wrong. But speak your mind to your amom anyway, may be you’ll break through.

Gert here…is there really a difference between being crazy and being mean? I really wonder! A person can’t be mean-spirited and NOT be crazy.

Certainly everyone gets mean on occasion but to carry it along as routine behavior indicates a more serious condition, such as a mental illness. It has been obvious to everyone in the birth family and to the adopted parents that Joan Wheeler has some sort of mental illness. That being said, it is Joan who is both mean and crazy and ought not be dispensing advise to people who obviously have a very low opinion of themselves in the first place. An ethical social worker Joan Wheeler is NOT. She has NEVER worked in the field! Her newest venture…on-line social work…really puts her in avenue where she can hurt innocent people without being called on it. Is there any over-sight on individuals who practice on-line social work?

I think that it is in terrible bad taste, as well as cruel and unfeeling, and untruthful, for Joan to make blanket statements such as this…

that amoms are in such denial of the horrors that adoption lies have put their adotpees through that they just can’t come clean with what they did

This statement/belief says these adopted mothers did horrors!! By adopting a child!! And obeying the rules of the land and adoption, by keeping the identity of birth family to themselves. It is totally in Joan’s mind that adoption and adopted parents are wrong. Joan hates adoption! Joan hates her adopted mother (deceased now) but Joan still hates!

And Joan isn’t mean or cruel or crazy?? Sure!! Tell me another fairy tale!

Ruth

so much I could say here – and I will – and usually turn it into my own blog post – but I want to share something here that Joan really should read – and learn from – it is something one of my facebook buddies David Gerrold wrote. He adopted a son about 15 years ago – and he and his son have a wonderful relationship. Please go read this –
https://www.facebook.com/RuthSippelPace/posts/10201633124379697   * see note at end of this blog post.

Ruth

darn internet cut out on me while I was gathering my thoughts about what David wrote and what lessons Joan really needs to learn – but I don’t think I could say it any better than how David said it:

“When Sean first moved in with me, he was carrying a lot of bad memories. (I don’t know the details, I never asked. I listened when he shared, but I didn’t probe.) In fact, he had so few good memories, he couldn’t extrapolate a future for himself. He didn’t see himself surviving.

So I made up a rule that every day, it didn’t matter what, we would do something together to create a good memory — take the dog for a walk, make cookies, play cowboys and other cowboys on the front lawn, anything that would make us both laugh. Within two weeks, I could start saying, “Remember when we….” so I could fill his memory library with good things.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, nobody does. I can make plans, he can make plans, but we’ve both learned how to roll with the unexpected earthquake too. In the meantime, we’re still looking for ways to create happy memories every day.

Trying new flavors of coffee isn’t about the coffee as much as it’s about having fun together. And it’s cheaper and easier than going to Starbucks.” * see note at end of this blog post.

I don’t know why the Wheelers weren’t good parents to Joan. But obviously there are good people out there who ARE good parents – and some of them are “adoptive” parents.

Gert said “…the fact that she was adopted by those parents does not make ADOPTION A BAD THING. Joan has been beating up the wrong dead horse all her life. It is NOT adoption, it was her adopted parents and adoptive family that were, perhaps, the bad thing. Joan would gain much if she recognized that and stopped beating up the wrong institutions and people.”

That is the whole truth. It is clear to anyone who knows Joan personally or reads her writings that the Wheelers mentally abused her. And physically abused her.

Joan needs to WORK WITH her therapist and confront this. She needs to put the blame squarely on those who abused her and messed up her head. Continuing to say things like she wants to totally eradicate the instituion of adoption is her clinging to a spectacularly futile and wasteful endeavor. There will ALWAYS be orphaned children (no matter what circumstances led them to being orphaned) and there will ALWAYS be people who have hearts capable of loving those children. Yes, there will always be child abuse, and Joan would do well to put her efforts into fighting that.

Joan needs to STOP BLAMING PEOPLE FOR THINGS THEY HAD NO PART OF.

Joan continously says on the internet that she was stalked her entire life by her birth siblings. This is a statement that is not only false, but clearly shows where she is putting the blame for her adoption – ON HER BIRTH SIBLINGS!
HER ENTIRE LIFE is what she says – so let’s see – she was born in 1956 – in 1956, I was three years old, turning four in August 1956. My brother had just turned 6 in 1956, Kathy turned 8 and Gert turned 9 years old in 1956.
How do four little kids stalk someone? Joan’s statements about her birth siblings are not only lies –  they are not rational!

Joan’s hatred and bitterness towards her birth-sisters are born of an irrational, delusional, and totally incorrect thought. – We had nothing to do with her adoption! We did not stalk her for her entire life. We are NOT the cause for Joan’s inner demons. We are just convenient punching bags for her because she cannot and will not put the blame for her miserable life on the person who is responsible – the woman who raised her.

*note – material by David Gerrold used by permission. Thank you David.

How many times does #JoanWheeler need to be hit over the head before she learns anything?

writerwords

She really must be into self-torment and pain on top of that delusional self-importance. She seems to believe that HER life story will SAVE the world from the horrors of ADOPTION.

Joan has been promoting herself as a ‘writer’ and a ‘social worker’ all over the place. Oh sure she has a degree in social work, but she’s never had a job as such. And yes, she has written articles and opinion pieces AND A LIBELOUS BOOK! Seems to me she ought to pick a different career choice. I don’t see where, in the most recent published books of adoptee’s stories, written by adoptees, that Joan has a contributing essay! She DOESN’T! Even adoptees are distancing themselves from her. I have had communication with a ‘elder’ in the reform movement who keeps silent whenever Joan approaches her and has NO INTENTION of getting involved with Joan…but…Joan is so into herself, she doesn’t see how REAL REFORMERS are backing away from her.

How does Joan propose to answer the question about her FIRST BOOK? You know that one that was pulled by the publisher, in May 2011, for libel? She keeps talking about her ‘second edition’ of her memoir. What memoir? It was NO memoir, it was a hate manifesto. What happened to the first edition? She doesn’t say it was pulled for libel. She says her sisters pressured the publisher. Not quite true, we DID submit a complaint and we DID provide evidence of the libel with actual police and City of Buffalo Court documents and we DID call frequently to ensure that the publishing house’s LAWYERS do the right thing. The outcome was that Joan Wheeler BROKE THE CONTRACT with the publishing house when it was proven to the publishing house that Joan wrote libel.

For background information; Joan went with Trafford Publications a ‘print on demand’ company. A person submits the manuscript, signs a contract that, amongst other things, that there is NO LIBEL. These types of publishing houses do NOT read a manuscript UNLESS there is a complaint! Joan outsmarted herself, thinking that she could pull a fast one on the birth family, and was CAUGHT. When the birth family provided evidence, against the claims in that book, Forbidden Family was pulled. Then for a while Joan spoke of that book as ‘sleeping’; to this day I don’t grasp what she was thinking, a ‘sleeper book’. A book pulled from publication can NEVER be reprinted. Sure, the publisher’s manager told her to ‘write a book her sisters would approve of’ and so perhaps (?) she was thinking ‘it’s sleeping while I concoct another BS book!’

Where ever there is a fool, promoting some crazy scheme, there are several ‘hanger-ons’ whose reasons are NOT because they believe in the fool, but that the chosen fool and the hanger-on have a mutual dislike for another. This makes their relationship one of the enemy of my enemy is my friend and such a relationship ALWAYS backfires on both parties!

In the following Facebook statement of Joan’s and one of her hanger-ons we see how Joan is setting the stage, teasers if you will, of great things to happen. She is so hard at work! What this TELLS me is that Joan now has to rely on her own abilities to publish a book! As someone who has been in the self-publishing business, I know how difficult the ‘technology’ can be. But for Joan, she has more issues ahead of her then JUST getting the formatting down correctly. She will be forced to self-promote it and/or pay for the services of some on-line book seller, such as Amazon. And what about shipping costs? These services are not cheap!

And here’s a NEWS FLASH…it still will be a ‘print on demand’ kind of deal! There will be NO AMOUNT OF BOOKS printed and place on a shelf! ONLY if someone purchases it, will it be printed! Believe me…I know about these things. It is a GIVEN that at least three (3) people will purchase ANY book that Joan manages to get published, her three sisters! And, perhaps a handful of Joan’s friends may. And maybe the ‘hanger-on’ Laura who’s ONLY interest in Joan Wheeler is because Laura’s enemy is Joan’s sister Ruth whom Laura hates!

The proverb ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ suggests that two parties can or should work together against a common enemy. Joan and Laura; two peas in a pod!

Regardless how many people purchase a book of Joan’s it shall never be a worldwide best seller.

It certainly would be interesting to find out HOW and WHERE she is getting all the money for traveling around the country going to adoption conferences. Oh right! She’s in a NEW relationship, as of March 2014, but he’s a secret right now. If he’s a secret why did Joan broadcast that she’s in a relationship? Because she needs constant attention! The last one lasted about 6 months; how much money did she manage to get OUT OF HIM. She has some racket going for someone who is on NEW YORK STATE DISABILITY.

See this link for a related blog post;

 

Who would publish Joan Wheeler; a writer who has a libelous book under her belt?by gertmcqueen on February 23, 2014

And now Joan’s announcement and Laura’s comment;

Joan M Wheeler March 26

Grrr…I am missing all of you here SOOO — OOO much! But I have work to do. Dana Seilhan - I really wanted to pop over to your neck of the woods a few weeks ago. Ohio is not that far! Got that book of mine to do… technology is confusing me. Final edits. Book Cover. It will be worth the wait! When it is all done, I can come back here to chat with all of my friends! And relatives. And music friends. Love you all!

Laura Heath I can hardly wait for the new book to come out. You must be si excited! !!   March 26 at 4:12pm

End…

Ruth here
“the enemy of my enemy is my friend” – oh so very true when it comes to Little Girl Laura Stickney-Heath, who for some reason, when she was a fellow nurse’s aide with me a few years ago, took a dis-liking to me. No skin off my back. But what mystifies me is WHY she would actively go out of her way to do things to me. – When it became apparent that Laura was NO friend to me, I booted her off my facebook page – which I have EVERY right to do so. Within two weeks, Laura, who only knew of Joan because of my bitching about her at work, and showing that libelous book around, actively sought out Joan on facebook and the two agreed to be facebook buddies. Occasionally Laura will make overtures to Joan about “going out to coffee” but I rarely see evidence that the two actually DO go out. If they do – that’s their business and since they are both snakes, they have every right to twine thier little girl gossipy forked tongues together.
I just think it’s fucking funny that these two bitches have NOTHING in common except their dislike of Ruth.
And back in July 2013, Laura had her husband Tom come creeping around on my facebook page and I outed them in this post:

I am outing Thomas D. Heath and Laura J. Stickney Heath as stalkers and troublemakers. August 5, 2013

http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/i-am-outing-thomas-d-heath-and-laura-j-stickney-heath-as-stalkers-and-troublemakers/

And because of that post, Laura’s first biological daughter contacted me and gave me the skinny on Laura – but I knew part of the story anyway. Seems as though Laura is raising her biological granddaughter. AND IS PASSING THAT GRAND DAUGHTER OFF AS HER OWN DAUGHTER – LYING TO THE GIRL. Now, isn’t this what anti-adoption people like Joan are against? Joan herself has gone on and on CONDEMNING GRANDPARENTS WHO ADOPT AND PASS THEIR GRANDCHILDREN OFF AS THEIR CHILDREN! Joan has gone on record that she HATES people like that – yet, hypocrite that Joan is, she remains “friend” with Laura Stickney-Heath.

AND since I’ve seen the birth certificate, um amended deceitful birth certificate that is of Laura’s first born daughter – I know the shit that Laura did.
When Laura was 16 years old, she got pregnant with an older Native American man and had a daughter. A couple of years later – Laura marries Tom. Tom legally adopted Laura’s first child. The girl’s birth certificate (amended, decietful one) says that she is the birth daughter of Laura and Tom. Laura and Tom did EXACTLY what Gert and her second husband did – adopt Gert’s own birth son as their own – an event that Joan was all up in arms about! But Joan is NOT condemning Laura for this? Why not?

Anyways, back to Laura and Tom’s sordid house – When Laura and Tom had a daughter together, they placed the first daughter in a foster home. She was 7 years old and was kicked out of the family. Why? Because Laura claimed the girl “ruined her life.” Later, when the first daughter had a child, Laura somehow (and I’m not sure what happened), gained custody of her grand daughter, and is now raising her, as I said above, as her own daughter, not grand daughter, AND REFUSES TO LET THE CHILD’S REAL BIO-MOM NEAR HER.

What a sordid mess. And it’s really none of my business – but since Laura seems to determined to be in MY life, via Joan, then turn-about is fair play.

And because Joan actively remains Laura’s “friend” – she is condoning the very behavior of bio-moms who destroy their children’s lives, by adoption, lies, deceit. Which shows that Joan is a hypocrite.

What does #JoanWheeler know about CHIFF? Nothing! She is NOT a adoption reformer, she’s totally ANTI-ADOPTION.

Yep, Joan is off and running her mouth, at full speed, over something she doesn’t have a clue about and she’s an annoyance to others, including fellow adoptees and reformers.

Joan can not call herself an adoption reformer, when her position is a non-negotiable position! She wants to ABOLISH adoption (in any form) like in BAN it all together, globally. And she’ll take her position to the adoption conference in CA. I hope more reasonable minds see her foam at the mouth in her hatred. There is no avenue for dialog with Joan…NONE. She will never give a millimeter of an inch! I hope that the real professionals at the conference put her in her place. Joan is a huge mill-stone around the necks of REAL people trying to reform something.

Now for a bit of background, for myself and readers, I present two links and one paragraph of what it’s about. After that I present a facebook exchange of Joan’s where she just rants on auto-pilot.

Joan’s favorite line is this; Pissed does not even come close to how I feel at this moment.

She is in a constant stage of ‘being pissed’ as well as angry. She will never get people to listen to her because people do NOT listen to pissed off people. Joan always goes off ‘half-cocked’! Recently, on Twitter, she went off on a LGBT couple who adopted and they told her, in no uncertain terms, that she is a ‘nut case’ and to beat it!

But, Joan never gets it…she gives only a quarter sympathic nod to the other person she is talking with, not realizing that she actually is INSULTING the other. If you don’t agree with Joan you become an instant enemy, no matter what your ‘relationship’ is with her. Joan is right 100 percent of the time and don’t dare disagree with her.

I suppose we do not agree. I am sorry to hurt you. Hate me if you want to.

Readers can make their own minds up on whether Joan Wheeler helps or hinders her own cause and alienates her own fellows. I do wish someone would tell Joan to take a hike.

CHIFF is a bill supporting children everywhere growing up in families. Learn more here: http://childreninfamiliesfirst.org/

https://www.facebook.com/childreninfamiliesfirst

Children without parents are the most vulnerable children in the world. They are alone, they are often out of sight, and they are voiceless. They cannot fight for themselves; they need YOU to be their voice. CHIFF Children in Families First calls for the redirection of a modest portion of the $2 billion the United States currently spends on children living abroad toward ensuring that all children grow up in a family. What’s more, it calls for programs funded with US tax dollars to focus on reducing the number of children living without families and increasing the capacity of other governments to better protect their own children. The best protection for a child is a family. We protect children by preserving families, reunifying families or creating families through adoption.

&&&&

S.G. Maybe you could inquire what they’re doing to stop CHIFF. March 26 at 3:38pm ·

Joan M Wheeler Since I haven’t been on FB in over one month, I think I missed something, Shea. What is CHIFF? Of course I will inquire. March 26 at 3:43pm ·

S.G. Not really a FB thing although there is a . Stop CHIFF FB page. Here are some starting articles:

Joan M Wheeler Since I am a member of the Unitarian Universalist Church for over 30 years, I can assure you that I support LGBT rights all the way – including the right to adopt under the current, faulty, system. HOWEVER – as an adoptee, I do NOT support ANY adoptive parent to put their names on a FALSIFIED birth certificate!!!! I am dead set against adoption. Period. NO ONE should adopt! There is a growing consensus that adoption should be banned. In favor of family preservation, kinship care, and as a last resort: guardianship. All adoptions result in the permanent erasure of the adoptee’s birth certificate, identity at birth, and natural family. If adoption meant that the child’s birth certificate would not be taken away and falsified, if adoption meant that the child would have her place within the natural family, if court ordered visitation with natural family (as is in divorce) were mandatory, if the guardians were legally mandated to be guardians and not replacement parents, then I would support adoption. SO this means: take away sealing the birth certificate and take away permanent erasure of an adoptee’s natural family and natural-born identity, adoption then becomes guardianship. I am having these discussions with the LGBT community in my church. I do not support any person, gay or straight to be in the delivery room as the MOTHER is giving birth and then taking that baby to claim as their own. So, that said, Shea, I suppose we do not agree. I am sorry to hurt you. You have given me much to think about as it was you who pointed out that adoption made me a bastard, even though I was born within a marriage. No one, NO ONE, should claim to be a parent to a child who already has parents. Raising a child with love and support can be done without adoption. I am 100% anti-adoption. I stand with others who want to erase adoption from the planet. Hate me if you want to. Yes, I will be taking this discussion to AAC conference….Two Moms on an amended – falsified – birth certificate does not make sense. Two Dads on an amended – falsified – birth certificate created after an adoption does not make sense. Creating falsified birth certificates with gay or straight new parents’ names on a false birth certificate is forcing that adoptee to live a life of lies. I do not support this at all. Pissed does not even come close to how I feel at this moment. An Adoption Certificate would be a good start. Then we need to stop adoption. There are countries where adoption has been made illegal. LGBT rights? You bet! But not at the expense of adoptees. March 27 at 9:37am ·

 

S.G. Joan, I really have no idea what you’re talking about. I pretty much agree with what you’ve written about. What does that have to do with CHIFF? If anything it’s more of a reason to be an opponent.
Incidentally while I think the anti-gay sponsors and supporters of CHIFF are an interesting angle, it’s hardly a primary focus of anything I’ve written about the bill and has very little to do with my opposition. This isn’t an LBGT rights issue in my mind at all. It’s about the adoption industry in the US desperately trying to create new supplies of children in the wake of dramatically declining adoptions, and they want to try to do that by removing oversight and regulation in a time when MORE regulation and oversight is clearly needed. March 27 at 2:50pm · Like

end

“Recently, on Twitter, she went off on a LGBT couple who adopted and they told her, in no uncertain terms, that she is a ‘nut case’ and to beat it!
But, Joan never gets it…she gives only a quarter sympathic nod to the other person she is talking with, not realizing that she actually is INSULTING the other. If you don’t agree with Joan you become an instant enemy, no matter what your ‘relationship’ is with her. Joan is right 100 percent of the time and don’t dare disagree with her.

Joan: I suppose we do not agree. I am sorry to hurt you. Hate me if you want to. ”
Ruth says:
yep – that’s right. She LOVES it when people hate her, she REVELS in getting people to hate her – that way she can play the sympathy ploy “nobody loves poor poor pitiful me. Everyone is against me.”

Gertrude Mary Genevieve Boasts her fore-mothers

Today, March 28, is the anniversary of the death of my mother, in 1956.

In HER HONOR I repost this boast, for her and my other fore-mothers!

In CELEBRATION of her life I offer this boast!

Gertrude Mary Genevieve Boasts her fore-mothers

I am the first born of my mother and father (Leonard Sippel, Sr)

I, Gertrude Mary Genevieve, was named after the maternal line of our Sippel/Herr families.

Gertrude after my mother’s mother Gertrude Stoll Herr
Mary after my father’s mother Mary Wisniewski
At about age 13, at a rite of passage into adulthood, I took my mother’s name Genevieve as part of my name
I am proud and honored to bear the names of these three women, for without them, I would not be
Wassail! (be you whole) Gertrude, Mary and Genevieve!
Your memories stay alive within me
Your blood and mains (energy) flows within me.
I never knew Gertrude Stoll/Herr who gave birth to my mother….I boast her!
I did know Emma Herr, my mother’s step-mother who helped raise my mother… I boast her!
I did know Mary Wisniewski/Sippel who gave birth to my father Leonard…I boast her!
I did know Genevieve who gave birth to me…I boast her!
Ancestors remembered and honored
From the dawn of your birth, to the sunset of your death, I honor you.
From the goals you completed to your efforts left undone, I honor you.
From the season of your being, through the cycle of your life, I honor you.
From your time beyond the veil, till your soul’s return to earth again,
May you rest in peace and solace.
May my love reach you and embrace you especially this moment
Of remembering and forever more,
I honor you!

(note from Ruth who first published this boast of mine )

Gert McQueen is retired and no longer active in public work, but was a priestess and lore teacher in Theodism, editor and assistant publisher of a magazine, and has published several small booklets of lore and was an activist for Pagan rights.

 

When is adoption counseling a need or when is it an interference? Joan Wheeler didn’t even have a degree when she interfered with my adopting!

Then when she did get a degree, as a social worker, she NEVER held a job as one. Currently, 2014, she is attempting to ‘counsel’ via on-line social media contacts. From what I’ve seen so far she’s not making any friends and converts to her side/cause; just the opposite.

Who makes the ‘call’ to be counseled? Who knows what’s best for their family? Well…if Joan Wheeler gets anywhere near you, it is she who makes all the calls and decisions and deems what is right and best for you and your family! So you best be watchful!

Joan was a angry adoptee, age 24, with no social worker’s degree, who hated all things adoption, when she ‘counseled’ me against adopting my own children. And to be perfectly clear ‘my children’ means those that I birthed, raised and adopted with 2nd husband; they were never anyone else child!

As the parent of the children, to be adopted, I had been in family counseling for some time before my second marriage happened and our decision to adopt the children, who at that time were 15 and 16 years old. In New York state, a person over the age of 14 must give their own PERMISSION to be adopted. My son wished adoption, my daughter did not. There was no pressure to either of them. They spoke with the judge themselves, behind closed doors. There was extensive background checks on both myself and husband as well as unannounced home visits. The children’s father had to give his written approval and sign papers for relinquishment of his children, to another father, which also removed ‘his’ (birth father’s) financial responsibility to them.

As the mother of the child to be adopted, I had to sign 3 different pieces of paper. The first was the birth mother relinquishing her child, just as the birth father had. I gave my child away, by signing paper number one. On the second piece of paper, that I signed, I became that same child’s ‘foster mother’, which gave me all the rights of guardianship and responsibility for that child as any other foster mother would have. On the third piece of paper, that I signed, I became the ‘adoptive’ mother, which gave me all the rights of guardianship and all the responsibilities of that child. My husband signed only ONE piece of paper, that he became the adoptive father and TOOK all rights and responsibility for the child he adopted. The child, age 16, never left my side or home! Yes, his name was changed, he choose how it was to be changed and yes, he has a amended birth certificate with his new name and father! He also has his original documents. What’s the big deal?

Well, if you happen to be Joan Wheeler it’s not only a big deal it’s a HUGE MISTAKE! As an adoptee his birth parents GAVE HIM UP and his identity was changed, paper work was falsified and fraud was committed because another person, besides the true birth father was on the new birth certificate!

Not only did Joan Wheeler interfer in our decision to adopt, she also violated our parental rights with her attempts to alienated my minor children from us using all kinds of behind the scenes dirty deeds. She told my children they didn’t have to listen to us or obey our rules. According to Joan we were UNFIT parents. We DIDN’T listen to her…oh we DID listen to her and told her it was none of her business. She didn’t like that! She stood in my kitchen screaming at me that I was making a big mistake. I had to push her out the door telling her don’t come back. She retailiated, twice, by calling false child abuse upon us. Then when she wrote and published that libelous book, she REWROTE the entire episodes of MY children’s lives to suit her purpose and position! Talk about exploiting people!

That libelous book, Forbidden Family, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May of 2011.

So I know first hand how Joan Wheeler counsels anyone on the evils of adoption!

Recently, I was shown a comment that, this self-proclaimed adoption expert and social worker, Joan Wheeler wrote. The link, to the article, and Joan’s entire comment follow my commentary on a few sentences pulled from Joan’s comment. The article is about the buying and selling, as in commodities, of babies into adoption and the normalcy of the family.

Now there is no question that there are legal and non-legal businesses in baby adoptions, worldwide, along with agencies, social workers, lawyers and more; this is of no concern to me. What is of concern to me is the falseness of Joan Wheeler and how she condemns adoption for everyone. This is why I EXPOSE her when I can so that others understand how she operates.

Onto the comment…    Joan begins with a quote from the author…”Those who want to raise their kids as “normal” kids and try to conform them to their own image just shouldn’t adopt.”

Joan says…When adoptees say this to adoptive parents, or to people who are in the process of adopting, we are criticized. Often to the point of being called “angry adoptees” or “you must have had a bad experience.”

Gert comments…Doesn’t EVERY parent mold their children into the image THEY want for their children? Right or wrong, this is the way of nature! Every child imitates the parents. We see that even far into late adulthood; where a person will act ‘just like mom or dad’! And every parent has a vision of what is ‘normal’ for them and their children and they will have the children ‘conform’ to the family’s ways!

Yes, Joan is an ‘angry adoptee’ and she did have ‘a bad experience’…why doesn’t she just admit it? Joan really hates adoption  BECAUSE she was abused by the adoptive family! Most of the vocal angry adoptees admit that they have been abused; Joan refuses to admit it, but everything points to it. If these ‘angry adoptees’ would STOP browbeating everyone who adopts perhaps they may get a different reaction to their questions and concerns.

Joan says…Adoption is a total life-long experience, one cannot claim one single event to describe or label an entire lifetime.

Gert comments…what is she saying here??

Joan says…While adoptive parents really want to normalize adoption,

Gert comments…again what is she saying??

Joan says…it is the adoptee who experiences life as a complicated maze of emotions, facts, or lack of facts, as well as medical and, for many adoptees, racial, issues.

Gert comments…here we see how Joan externalizes what she has internalized about her own adoption! all except the ‘racial’ aspect! In recent times Joan has been cultivating racial adoptees because she has worn out her welcome with many other adoptees! Ok, I can give you that there are a vast array of emotions and lack of information for an adoptee, but not every adoptee behaves with such venom as Joan does!

Joan says…I once was in a conversation with an adoptive mother

Gert comments…Joan likes to talk, she’s always talking with people, she never shuts up! And she has this view point that her ‘talking’, one by one, will change the world’s view of adoption! Joan the Savior! She shall never eliminate adoption in the world! She ought better to take care of her own house, her physical, mental, spiritual and emotional house before she finds she doesn’t have any time left!

Joan says…her adoptee (a teenager) did not experience any problems and is not interested in searching

Gert comments…Joan can NOT accept the fact that ANYONE could have a positive experience with being adopted.

Joan says…The adoptive mother flung insults to me and other adoptees who tried to explain to her that a transracial teenage adoptee may be repressing her emotions to please her adoptive parents.

Gert comments…Again, another example of Joan’s externalizes what she has experienced internally! Doesn’t matter if it’s a transracial or not adoptee…according to Joan every adoptee ‘represses their emotions to please the adoptive parent’! Joan is telling us how she and her adoptive parents interacted with each other! Joan gets ‘insults’ flung at her because she DOESN’T know when to get out of other people business!

Joan says…Clearly, adoption agencies and social workers need to do a better job at counseling pre-adoptive parents and adoptive parents to be fully aware of the actual differences between adopting a child and raising a child born to the mother/couple who will raise the child.

Gert comments…Clearly, Joan sees adoption from her own eyes, from her experiences and clearly not from anyone else’s! And, as someone who has never-worked in the field of social work, she has no job experience nor on-going training to assess what a ‘better job’ may or may not be.

And now for the link and entire comment…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/frank-ligtvoet/adoption-commodification-and-normalcy_b_4848769.html

Joan M Wheeler commented on a link.   February 26HYPERLINK  \l “”

“Those who want to raise their kids as “normal” kids and try to conform them to their own image just shouldn’t adopt.” —- I wonder how many adoptive parents will read this statement and secretly condemn you. Will they come on here in the comments to say out loud what they say to us adoptees? When adoptees say this to adoptive parents, or to people who are in the process of adopting, we are criticized. Often to the point of being called “angry adoptees” or “you must have had a bad experience.” Adoption is a total life-long experience, one cannot claim one single event to describe or label an entire lifetime. While adoptive parents really want to normalize adoption, it is the adoptee who experiences life as a complicated maze of emotions, facts, or lack of facts, as well as medical and, for many adoptees, racial, issues. I once was in a conversation with an adoptive mother of a Chinese daughter who insisted that her adoptee (a teenager) did not experience any problems and is not interested in searching for THAT woman, saying, “Furthermore, my daughter behaves just like me – she has forgotten her native language and has no desire to be Chinese”. The adoptive mother flung insults to me and other adoptees who tried to explain to her that a transracial teenage adoptee may be repressing her emotions to please her adoptive parents. Clearly, adoption agencies and social workers need to do a better job at counseling pre-adoptive parents and adoptive parents to be fully aware of the actual differences between adopting a child and raising a child born to the mother/couple who will raise the child.

end

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