Are you smarter or better educated than your parents? Joan Wheeler is proud to say she is!

On the public forum for Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, Joan Wheeler, as 1adoptee, tells us how much smarter and educated she is, from her adopted parents. And this is important…how? All I see is a very ungrateful brat who looks for every opportunity to bad-mouth, insult and be disrespectful to the parents that adopted her.

Re: Are/were you smarter than   your APs?« Reply #19 on:December 19,   2011 at 12:13:18 PM »

I don’t think I am smarter than my aparents, just better educated – a 4 year college degree. By the time I was in high school, I knew that my education exceeded theirs. It showed. I came home from school and discussed what I learned. My parents were shocked I learned about evolution. I got the Catholic lecture on that…I was 14 at the time and it hit me that my parents don’t understand science. They had no understanding of biology, inheritance, genes. However, my afather was a skilled electrician. He took courses and advanced in his work. I found that amazing since he quit school in the 8th grade to scavange for trash to repair (radios, tables, chairs, motors, etc…) and sell. This was in the 1920s. My amother finished high school and went on to beauty school, took sewing classes and worked as a professional seamstress during WWI and then as a machinist. But the trouble that we had in communicating was that they held onto classic theology (the world is 10,000 years old, etc, no evolution, Adam and Eve…) so when I read books on anthropology, archealogy, genetics, evolution, embryology, psychology, these were points of dissagreement and arguing. Sad really. But, my aMom taught me to sew and to sew well. She taught me knitting, creative arts, and we shared interest in comedies. My aDad, though he lacked education, took me to museums and got me interested in rocks and gemstones, dinosaurs, and fish, and we went to art galleries. I think both of my aparents were frustrated that they didn’t have further education.

Gert’s comments: right away Joan does not tell the entire truth…she has 2 (two) college degrees and she does not give the adopted parents the credit they deserve…that they PAID for those 2 degrees that Joan has!

I don’t think I am smarter than my aparents, just better educated – a 4 year college degree

Joan ought to know better than to ‘put down’ those parents that have raised her, she ought to be ashamed. But she isn’t because she wrote a lying hateful book where she exploited both the adopted and birth families. Joan hates everyone. Having an education is not the same things as being smart nor educated, anyone can read a book and know something about something, it’s another thing to use that education and gain knowledge and know how to use both, education and knowledge. Joan has never shown anyone that she has such an education or knowledge, on the contray, she is just a bully who uses her education to beat people up who are pro-adoption.

By the time I was in high school, I knew that my education exceeded theirs. It showed.

Then she tells us all about the differences between the parents understanding, and lack of understanding, of the world and Joan’s understanding. Okay…that in and of itself isn’t anything to write home about, it happens in many many families. Many parents didn’t have the advantages that they gave their children. The key issue here is in the way Joan decided to use her ‘better education’. She kept the difference in education as points of disagreements and arguing. Why is it so important to Joan to ALWAYS have the last word? If she saw, early on, that the parents’ understanding was fixed, why did Joan have to hammer on and on and keep the arguing going? Why didn’t Joan just learn to ‘agree to disagree’ and learn to have peace in the family? Why didn’t Joan learn, from experience, that it is best to keep ones mouth shut when it comes to certain topics? Why didn’t Joan learn to leave the parents alone? Even if the arguments were started by the adoptive parents, why didn’t Joan learn to drop it? There are many many ways that a child, of any age, learns when to keep their mouths shut. But not Joan, she has always wanted to have ‘it out’ with the adopted mother. Joan provokes and belittles. Joan goes to great lengths in that lying hate filled book to tell everyone about all the arguments and fights between her and the parents as well as her birth father and her birth siblings. She MUST be right!

You could excuse a teenager’s youth and lack of life experience when they critize the parents, but Joan, as she wrote the above, is a grown woman of 56 years of age. Don’t you think its time to drop the hate against two people, whose only crime was to adopt a child?

This is an example of why Joan can’t understand the birth family. In all our, birth siblings, various arrangements and living conditions, we each learned, from experience, that certain topics will cause disagreements, but and, harmonious relationships depend on ‘not going there’ on certain topics. This is why Joan has caused so much trouble in the birth family…because Joan has to be right, everyone must agree with her, and if they don’t, she will make their lives miserable…because she is better educated.

It was Joan’s ‘better education’ that she used to browbeat me and my husband over our adoption of my son! When we told Joan to butt out and get out, she made our lives miserable and then took it further by interfering in my minor children’s lives and called child abuse on me, twice! Joan is right, she is better educated, she KNEW that adoption was wrong and that I was doing great harm to my son! Excuse me! Who asked her?

And Joan uses her better education to go out on sites of people who are pro-adoption so that Joan, in her 100% anti-adoption position, can just beat them up and re-educate them to her point of view and if they don’t agree with them, she just insults them.

Where is the parental respect from Joan to her adoptive parents? Even if the parents were difficult to live with, why would Joan have the ‘need’ to make the parents be wrong, or prove to them that they were outdated. Is it up to Joan, the child, to ‘re-educate’ the parents? Why couldn’t see just let them be who they were?

took courses and advanced in his work. I found that amazing since he quit school in the 8th grade to scavange for trash to repair

Why would that amaze Joan? Because she can’t SEE the inherit ability that the man had! Joan does NOT value self-education and she BELIEVES that an 8th grade educated person would never be able to manage adult education! She has the same misbelief about my father, her birth father. Joan can not accept that these men were capable of a higher education and did indeed get one and held jobs for decades after having a difficult start in life.

my aMom taught me to sew and to sew well.

aDad, though he lacked education, took me to museums

These adopted parents gave to Joan, what they knew or were able to give to her. All Joan can do is bad-mouth and exploit them and again point out that he lacked education. What has Joan done with what these people gave her? What has Joan given, of her better educated self, to her own children?

I think both of my aparents were frustrated that they didn’t have further education.

Here she goes again…she is thinking! Joan is only speculating here! Joan is giving HER opinion, not any truth. And if they were frustrated how did Joan’s bitching and arguing HELP that frustration? It only made it worst! NO ONE likes to have their uneducated background pushed in their face by the very CHILD they adopted! NO ONE likes to have a know-it-all telling you, day after day, that you are uneducated and therefore you can’t understand me.

Joan can only gives ‘lip-service’ to the life-experiences of the adopted parents and the birth parents. She then uses those experiences AGAINST the parents…to prove Joan’s biased points in her so-called social work position and in her written assessments. In her book, Chapter 38, she goes into great lengths to discuss the educational background of 4 parents, plus a step-mother who had NOTHING to do with Joan or her adoption, to prove that they didn’t understand the concept of adoption and the harm(?) it does to the adoptee.

I have already written and posted about some of this and I will eventually write more about that chapter. The issue right now is that Joan Wheeler is an exploiter…she had it in her mind from the time she was a teenager that she was going to write about her life. She then spend decades collecting and writing and rewriting to make her ‘life story’ a compelling drama! All the time she was exploiting she never understood the personal backgrounds of the very people who gave her life and sustenance.

Sad really

No question about that! Too bad that Joan doesn’t know enough to keep her mouth shut because most of the time when she opens her mouth she PROVES that she is very ignorant.

Ruth

Gert says:
“This is an example of why Joan can’t understand the birth family. In all our, birth siblings, various arrangements and living conditions, we each learned, from experience, that certain topics will cause disagreements, but and, harmonious relationships depend on ‘not going there’ on certain topics. This is why Joan has caused so much trouble in the birth family…because Joan has to be right, everyone must agree with her, and if they don’t, she will make their lives miserable…because she is better educated.”

This is so right Gert. I’ve spoken about this before, and I will do it again. Joan in her “infinite wisdom” proceeded to lecture me about infertility, AFTER my miscarriage in 1985. This came about in April 1987, after she returned from an adoption conference in Philadelphia. By 1987, I was still having problems dealing with the loss of my son. Yes, I was only 6 weeks pregnant, but in my heart and soul, I knew it was a boy.

I had made plans to see a grief counselor and an appointment was set for a few weeks later in June. So during this phone conversation in April, Joan is telling me about the conference and there were people there talking about infertility. I immediately said, “Joan, I don’t want to talk about this.” But did she listen? NO! She continued, telling me there were some women there who had miscarriages. I said again, “Joan I don’t want to talk about this.” But she kept on. I said again, “Joan, I don’t want to talk about this.” Then she says that she learned a lot and then comes out with this brilliant statement:’ “I know more about infertility than you think I do.”

That is when I lost it and said to her, “Joan, I said I don’t want to talk about this. I have an appointment with a grief counselor and I don’t want to talk about this until I see the counselor. You don’t know ANYthing about infertility because YOU HAVE TWO CHILDREN. You don’t know SHIT about infertility or miscarriages.” And I slammed the phone down.

This whole incident shows us what Gert said is true: “certain topics will cause disagreements, … harmonious relationships depend on ‘not going there.’” ESPECIALLY when someone tells another person FOUR TIMES “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT.” – (Joan may have book smarts, but she is so f’ing dumb in other areas). And Gert continues on: “This is why Joan has caused so much trouble in the birth family,” – WHY WOULD SOMEONE KEEP TALKING ABOUT A SUBJECT AFTER SOMEONE HAS SAID THREE TIMES (nicely) NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT. So what was the result? Because of the gross disrespect, not just about the infertility or miscarriage issue, but THE GROSS DISRESPECT OF DISREGARDING THE WISHES OF THE PERSON JOAN IS TALKING TO (I don’t want to talk about it), JOAN CONTINUED TO SWEEP ME AND MY FEELINGS AND MY WISHES UNDER HER FEET TO THE POINT SHE GOT THE PHONE SLAMMED DOWN ON HER!

And again and again, we see examples of this behavior in her book. She just lamblasts her way all over EVERYbody and then gets “stunned, surprised, shocked” (her words at various times in the book) that the other person has gotten angry with her. BECAUSE SHE DISRESPECTS AND BROWBEATS AND BULLIES PEOPLE IN PERSON, ON THE PHONE AND ON THE INTERNET!)

Just two weeks ago, she was blabbing on and on against adoption and then tells a woman who had suffered multiple miscarriages to “seek grief counseling.”

Yeah, Joan is “educated” all right. If she’s so dam smart, perhaps she has an answer as to why she’s really so stupid.

gertmcqueen

 

Gert again…
yes…JW knews everything…she is ALL KNOWING and ALL WISE…that is why, I think 1979 when my father and wife decided to ‘adopt’ her daughter, dad’s step-daughter…Joan went to dad’s wife and said to her…it is wrong for you, the mother, to GIVE AWAY your daughter. Joan got dad’s wife (my step-mother) so upset and when dad learned of it, he told Joan to stop butting in and causing trouble. but JW couldn’t understand what she did wrong…poor thing…

then…in 1980/81, when I and my second husband began adoption procedures to adopt my son, Joan told us that we were DOING GRAVE HARM to my son. We told her to butt out, she didn’t like that, she said we DIDN’T LISTEN to her and because we, the parents, forbide JW to have contact with my minor children, because JW was interferring in our family and children, JW called 2 false child abuse reports on me to get even with me.

So, yes, Joan doesn’t know that she doesn’t know anything…she is all wise and knowledgeable and she thinks NOTHING of going to other people and bullying them into submission. Well she maybe able to do that to some people but she did not do that to Dad and she didn’t do that to me. JW does NOT have a good record and we will continue to point that out to everyone.

Dissection of Joan Wheeler’s words, lies and hate-speak on a Adoptive Families Circle discussion April 2012, part one

 ’What is said in society is heard for generations and people repeat it and believe it’…quote by Joan Wheeler

 In this two-part post, I am pointing out the lies and hate within Joan’s comments placed on the following discussion forum. It is very important for people to KNOW how this woman thinks and what she does. I am using the initials HO for halforphan and JW for Joan Wheeler. I am also NOT placing everything she said, for most of it is propaganda that I’m not interested in. The entire thread is available @ http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/Question_re_taking_postings_off/
 

My, Gert’s comments are in italics

 FIRST POST BY JOAN:
P said:
“It is through the voice of adopted children …”
It is insulting to address adoptees as children. Children are not speaking here. Adults are. That is part of the problem. What is said in society is heard for generations and people repeat it and believe it. “Adopted children” are minors. Adoptees who speak their minds in forums such as this are adults. We are continually viewed as perpetual children.

 Gert here…Look at this statement that Joan Wheeler wrote…What is said in society is heard for generations and people repeat it and believe it…and this is just what we birth siblings have been saying…that JW has written and promoted a whole different reality, that she most insistently believes and keeps presenting it to the world, for generations and people will continue to repeat it and believe the falseness of it all. This is what we mean by our Family Honor was stolen by Joan Wheeler.

Yes, if more adoptive parents and people who want to adopt (yes I referred to these people as adoptive parent wanna-bees) would actually pay attention to what adoptees have been saying ….then there would not be the multi-billion dollar adoption industry today. Adoption is baby-trafficking, but the politically correct term is adoption. Business people make money buying and selling babies and children.

 Gert here…This is why JW goes out there beating people up, because of the wrong-headed nonsense about what adoption is or is not…sorry I don’t get it. Regardless, this is NO reason for JW to go out there and beat people up because they want to adopt.

 I haven’t disappeared; I’ve been on pain meds for the last few days, unable to move.I am not afraid to express my feelings, nor am I afraid of debate.I copied, pasted, and saved the entire dialogue that was removed. And I am not ashamed for anything I wrote. I would gladly re-post anything and everything I said because nothing I said was hateful. Angry, yes, and with reason.I find it revolting that a woman who wants desperately to be a mother would take another woman’s infant at birth. Yes, it is coercive to enter into pre-birth matching. It is insulting to call a pregnant woman a “birthmother” or a “BM”. She’s not a “natural mother to be” as someone wrote here, a pregnant woman is a mother! She has a baby inside her! From the time I was very young, I was taught to respect pregnant women (who taught me that? My adoptive mother who could not conceive) as the givers of life.

 Gert here…If JW/HO has so much recurring pain she would do best to get off the computer and take care of her health, instead of browbeating people. JW/HO does not debate; she browbeats and intimidates, is not interested in the other’s opinions or feelings. She only wants to beat people up because she is an angry militant adoptee. So apparently, JW/HO has said something that WAS REMOVED already!! Isn’t she the pot that calls the kettle black? She can say want ever she wants, usually hate-speak, but others, particularly birthsiblings, are NOT allowed to. And she and only she determines what is anger and hate! Interesting! She’s the expert, is she not?. Just because HO’s feelings are revolted over someone else’s actions does not give her the right to beat them or others up. This is what is WRONG in her tactics.

….If you have had many miscarriages, seek grief counseling to eventually accept your losses.Adoptees have no choice but to accept their lot in life.

Gert here…well this is my personal opinion, but it seems to me that EVERYONE has a choice in accepting their lot in life! This is just part of HO’s faulty logic

Our birth certificates were ( and are) confiscated by our government, our mothers and fathers and siblings were taken from us, then we are given false birth certificates with the names of two people who have truly not conceived nor given birth to us. Adoption is set up on loss and lies.Yes I am 100% anti adoption.

Gert here… again, my personal opinion, I disagree that this logic…and for a person HO to believe and say they are 100% anti-adoption AND be on this thread of adoption, can only mean, that HO is looking for a fight. She loves beating people up who believe in any form of adoption.

As I have stated in the post that was removed, family preservation should be first priority, then, kinship care, and if necessary, guardianship, and never, never, never, adoption. …. Adoption is a class issue: the rich get the babies from the poor.As I said here, I will gladly re-post any and all of my posts from the thread that was taken down. I will defend everything I said. Posted by halforphan56 on Apr 20, 2012 at 3:54am

Gert here…So, it does APPEAR that it was HO’s comments on a previous thread that was REMOVED! Keep this in mind, for JW’s imaginary friends blame birthsibling for having the comments CLOSED on this particular thread! Again, separate rules for HO/JW. This logic of family preservation/kinship care is just not fully thought out…there is NO utopia in the world, there are plenty of ‘gray’ areas, that HO/JW NEVER thinks about. And of course, she WANTS to be able to repost everything she said because that is the only life she has!

 SECOND POST BY JOAN:
G said: “I do think the comments came out of prejudice, hatred. And spite. I do not think they were said in a way to educate. I feel sorry for the people who wrote them. Their lives and experiences must have been terrible. Sometimes kids get stuck with crappy parents and that can happen in the adoption world and the biological one. I will pray for them.”

No, my comments did not come from prejudice, hatred or spite. They came from my heart. And I don’t need your prayers as I am not Christian. You can pray if you want to, but it won’t make a difference in my life. If praying makes you happy, do it.

Gert here…Look at the condescending attitude and this is what HO/JW calls debate! She doesn’t give a damn about the others feelings and then she MUST comment on the uselessness/benefit of prayer…just because she DOESN’T believe it that faith. JW doesn’t know how to win and influence friends.

 What I do need, however, is for you to realize that the comments made by adult adoptees, including myself, are meant for adoptive parents to learn from what has happened to us so you can be aware and not make the same mistakes. Yes, the system of adoption needs to change, but so do the mindsets of people who want to take other parents’ infants and call them their own.Many cruel and spiteful words and actions have been flung at me all of my life simply because I am adopted.

Gert here…HO has no problem DEMANDING what she wants/needs from the other person. It is HO/JW’s purpose to make everyone learn what they NEED to learn so they DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES. What is she MOTHER JOAN? Again, we see where her abuse came from, the adoptive family. The birth family, after we found her, experienced NOTHING but trouble from her and she just doesn’t GET IT. So no it’s not because she was adopted, it’s because of her  behavior!

When I was found by family I did not know, I was again victimized. Extended adoptive family saw me as being disloyal to my adoptive parents for participating in a reunion. For an adoptee to be reunited with natural family is not in any way an act against adoptive parents. It is a discovery of one’s family of origin and heritage. One set of parents does not negate the other. My adoptive mother was furious that my sisters found me and she acted out, screaming and yelling at me, throwing pots and pans, and screaming that she was just a babysitter. I was 18 at the time. I reassured her by saying “I have two sets or real parents”.

Gert here…this is HO/JW’s CONSTANT refrain, her story, WHAT she can’t let go of and GET A LIFE. Here is see where the ABUSE came from…the adoptive mother. That is whom JW/HO is angry at and with but she refuses to acknowledge it and separate it from the birth family. Instead, she also blames the birth family.

I have been victimized by adoption and do not want any child to be needlessly separated from his family due to closed, sealed, and secret adoption. There is no need for it. Family preservation and kinship care can handle situations in which parents need help. Linkage to appropriate social services can help. These are temporary supports for people in poverty and there are ways to improve one’s life without giving away an infant. I am a social worker, so I know. Same applies for drug addicts. Or homeless mothers. I’ve worked with them to set up goals and achievements so that they can become clean and meet standards to be reunited with their children and raise them.

Gert here…She is victimized, doesn’t want any child to be separated from family (too bad she didn’t take better care and have more concern for her own birth children), she has a strange utopia concept that is totally unworkable. She NEVER worked as a social worker, in real life situations, where she would HAVE GOTTEN the reality of the larger world. All she has done is READ books by other angry people who want utopias. Even if she really WORKED with the less fortunate you would THINK that she could have APPLIED those skills to herself and improve her own lot in life, but she has NOT. This type of discourse/debate is just padding the argument with lots of words and conceptions to confuse the reader…no one really reads all of HO/JW’s diatribes.

….The adoptee has to emotionally and psychologically cope with this. That is why I say for adoptive parents and pre-adoptive parents to read, read, read. Know what you are getting into. Know what your adoptee will face. Is this really what you want to inflict upon a child?

Gert here…HO/JW forgets a couple of very important aspects of the human condition…that the primary factors that motivate any human are…food and sex and reproduction…when a couple want food or sex or a child, they will NOT read, read, read…they just FUNCTION.

I have said this on the post that was removed.

Gert here…and I would bet that what she has spend so much time, in her pain, was to repost everything she said before that was removed. What she didn’t except on this thread was the inclusion of the birthsiblings. That got her angry and she attacked.

 No, I do not believe that adoption should exist. I do not think that people who want to adopt should adopt. It is unwise to be in the mindset to take a baby for the only reason is that you want to adopt. Why? To fill a void in your life? The baby will make you happy or fulfilled? Children are not playthings and the way adoptions have been handled and are still conducted, the baby is the commodity, everyone else are the adults in control, well, maybe not the pregnant mother nor the father of the baby. They are pawns in the adoption system. People think they are being kind and generous to adopt. They get praised: “How wonderful of you to do this”. No, it is not wonderful. Adoptive parents are not saviors, yet many see themselves that way.

Gert here…All these ‘argument’s of hers is what SHE experienced and was told by the adoptive mother for the reasons they adopted. She is still as powerless as she was as a child against the ‘grownups’ that would not listen to her. So she goes out there and MAKES everyone LISTEN to her, that is the only place she can feel power. Feel her power; it’s called anger.

My adoptive parents loved me so much that they prevented me from knowing my siblings, keeping me all to themselves. They knew, but they did not tell me because they never wanted me to know. My father (natural) was told to stay away from my adoptive parents and from me – the court judge told him to stay away. His wife had just died and he was given no other option but to give up his youngest child, a newborn, to adoption. In today’s society, no one in their right mind would do that, nor would anyone expect a grieving spouse to give up the youngest or any child to adoption. In divorce, the non-custodial parent has visiting rights and the child has rights to both parents. In divorce, the child’s birth certificate is not altered nor sealed. When you are the child who was adopted, and you grow up to realize what was done, there is not only resentment, but mental confusion, anguish, and grief, deep, profound sadness. It is a burden to live life in this way.

Gert here…HO/JW never accepts the reality of life. It doesn’t matter what you or I think about something, if it is a law, it is the law, if you don’t like the law, go to the law-makers and have it changed. Beating people up will NEVER change any law! JW REFUSES to accept the facts of her placement…and this is where the birth siblings come in the picture and why JW beats us up. We have been telling her forever the truth, but she refuses to accept it. There WAS no one to help our father, his second wife REFUSED to take care of an infant and he NEEDED that wife to take care of the four OLDER children he had and the one that she had. In common language, to save the older children he had to place the youngest out of our lives…that is the real world situation at that time. JW will NEVER accept it and therefore she is angry and will beat everyone up, until they think like her. It is ONLY in JW/HO’s mind and heart that she has all those negative feelings and that her life is a burden.

Educate yourselves before you enter into adoption. Educate yourselves if you have young adoptees and if you have adult adoptees. You cannot know the other sides until you are educated. Go to adoption conferences sponsored by American Adoption Congress or Adoption Crossroads. Please.

Gert here…HO/JW should talk about educating one’s self. She doesn’t listen to anyone’s opinion that differs from hers…a person either does it her way or you are wrong.

And no, I did not “have a bad experience” as in ONE bad experience or as if that negates my points. My comments are just as valid as anyone else’s. I shouldn’t be dismissed because I point out negativity. My entire relinquishment, adoption, and reunion were mishandled by many people. I was the only one caught in the middle. I paid the price. And so did my now young adult children.

Gert here…HO/JW again is trying to confuse people by saying she did NOT have one bad experience? According to her, and more accurate, her entire life is a bad experience! Her comments are ‘as valid as anyone else’s‘…but she never allows the same validity to one who has an opposing view, such as the birth siblings. Perhaps if she weren’t so negative people might be more willing to listen to her. See her anger, her negativity…everything was mishandled by many people, she was caught in the middle, she paid the price and so did her children. Reality is that her children paid the price because of their mother’s (JW/HO) behavior which caused the birth family not wanting anything to do with and therefore her children. Her children have suffered because their mother has a hard-on against adoption and mental illnesses. JW refuses to accept that she was AN INFANT and infants CAN NOT speak from themselves. JW is also NOT the only person who ever had a beef with their parents. She really ought to just grow up.

I see what’s wrong with the system and how people become indoctrinated to believe that adoptees shouldn’t be told, or the natural family is this way or that way, and adoption is the only answer. If we lived in a different country, we would think differently. It is our American culture that has made our adoption system the way it is.

Gert here…and HO/JW will ram this down everyone’s throat until they choke.

BTW, all of my parents are now deceased. I took care of my adoptive Mom for 11 years before her passing and we had a difficult, but loving, relationship to the end. My adoptive father died in 1982 and was remorseful for lying to me. My natural father never wanted to give me up, he told me so. We had an on-again off-again relationship, at times very close, and at times very distant. Again, it is adoption psychology. As for my siblings, we have never seen eye to eye. I have been labeled obsessed with adoption, yet not allowed to read about it, associate with other adoptees, nor write about it. Attacking me for trying to change the system, putting me down, harassing me and my adoptive mother, no, I don’t want negative people in my life, even if they are my flesh and blood. But that speaks to what adoption did to them, too. Adoption destroyed our family after our mother died. My adoptive parents gained ONE child and pampered me, while my father and siblings lost their sibling and daughter.I have my children and a few relatives from adoptive family and natural family who love me and I love them. My life is full. I have friends. Yet, I am trying to change the laws and attitudes in my own country. Posted by halforphan56 on Apr 20, 2012 at 8:23pm

Gert here…here we see JW/HO’s litany of sins that everyone commit against her. What this adoptee NEEDS to understand is that adoption did NOTHING to us birthsiblings. Adoption did not destroy the birth family. What destroy the birth family was the DEATH of our mother. The behavior of the adoptee that was found/reunioned with, is the cause of all the troubles within the family. It is not for nothing that each and everyone member of the birth family has NOT WANTED any contact with this adoptee (HO/JW) and yet she still clings to the falsehood that adoption is what destroyed everything. Boy she has one big ego, doesn’t she. And the fact that she MUST state that she has a full life and friends and a few relatives SPEAKS volumes of what she really DOESN’T have.

 next we shall see another person’s comments to HO. (again I’m not posting the entire comment) and my comments will be in italics

 Halforphan56, “Adoption is a class issue, the rich get babies from the poor”
Really?  Remind me to call the bank and ask them where they have been hiding all my money. Ok, now that I have gotten my snarkyness out of the way lets get down to the real issues.  You say that your comments have not come out of prejudice but I disagree and in fact feel you proved my point in your post and life story.  I thank you truly fot sharing and feel I and hopefully others can learn from it.  I think your story is certainly more effeective than name calling.  That being said certainly your experiences have caused negative feelings toward adoption thus prejudism.  How can they not?  We are all influenced by our lives and life experiences.  NONE of us pop up as fully grown adult pure and unbiased.

Gert here…the reason that HO/JW believes it is a class issue is due to her faulty logic and life circumstances. She and her adoptive mother, saw her adoption as a period of ‘babysitting’ for Joan while her birth father gained a more secure economic status than the adoptive mother had. In her libelous book, Joan goes to great detail outlining her illogic logic. She and others can not compare apples and oranges and get any kind of logical reasonable outcome. JW believes that if she WAS NOT adopted she would have had a better financial life than the one that she ended up with, once her adoptive father died and her adoptive mother’s income was further reduced upon his death. Joan and the adoptive mother, did not want to understand that when they adopted her, the birth father had NO MORE responsibility to support Joan, then or later. During all of Joan’s life her adoptive mother supported her, Joan’s disablities are from her own self-induced stress because of her hate for all things adopted and the birth family. Joan’s comments and her view of life is certainly prejudicial and comes directly from her experiences. The major problem with Joan’s retelling of her story is is that it is all from her view and impressions and never allows the other side to be heard. We have been telling her forever and here now someone else is telling her, but she will not hear them.

It would be of benefit to read the following post for more details. In her book, chapter 38, is a junk science attempt at showing her positions. The following post does contain some aspect of this ‘assessment’ pages 487-495 and some of my dissection of that can be found on this post…

In her book of lies, called Forbidden Family, Joan Wheeler’s statements about my father, are false! February 14, 2011

 You don’t need to preach to me about birth certificates or open adoption. 

Gert here..this is how JW/HO operates…she only preaches.

I shared what I did because you shared first and now am sick to my stomach with surety that it will be used against me.

Gert here…and this person ought to be concerned that HO/JW would do, for if HO is threaten by any statement of another she does attack

 You will never convince me that adoption shouldn’t exist.  I don’t feel adoption equals the obliteration of the biological family.

Gert here…this is true, not everyone agrees with HO/JW and she will NEVER allow the other’s view to be heard, HO will attack you for having the opposing view.

I don’t expect to make an impact on you or change your opinion. To that I have to ask what is your objective in your posts?  If your objective is to do something about sealed birth certificates.  Please start a post, suggest why the cause is important to you.  Give us some suggestions on how we can help.  I will glady sign a petition.  Write a letter to my congressman. 

Gert here…Good question! Just what is HO’s objections and positions? on this thread? Only to beat people up! Here the commenter is offering good suggestions for HO to use, but HO/JW will never do that because it isn’t as much fun as beating people up on the internet.

If you hve suggestions of dos and don’ts in adoptive parenting I will gladly take them. But continuing in this same vein of debate seems counterproductive to all of us.

Gert here…HO/JW does not give suggestions, she gives orders! She also doesn’t see how her language and browbeating is counterproductive. She will continue to do so until she is stopped and that is what we are attempting to show, that she needs to be stopped by pro-adoption people.

I am sorry that you experienced negativity. name calling etc.regarding yourvadoption.  That is one reeason I was so angered by your comments and comments of others.  Because i see the negativity spreading through the population and to my son. I will not have someone telling him his mom is a vulture or baby stealer.  I will not have someone telling him he has to be angry.  I want his feelings to be his own, whatever they are. 

 Gert here…most of the negativity that HO/JW received and is receiving is from your own negative behavior to family.

   we will continue seeing how and what HO/JW say to this commenter and more in part two

Dissection of Joan Wheeler’s words, lies and hate-speak on a Adoptive Families Circle discussion April 2012, part two

 ’What is said in society is heard for generations and people repeat it and believe it’…quote by Joan Wheeler

 I hope that Joan eats these words, for it is the very sentiment of WHY the birthsiblings are speaking out against her…for what she has said IS HEARD and REPEATED AND BELIEVED and everything that she says is a lie!

 Continuing now on with the hate that Joan has for any pro-adoption position and how she searchs out threads so she can beat these people up. I am using the intials HO for halforphan and JW for Joan Wheeler; is she doesn’t like it, too bad.

 THIRD POST BY JOAN – Thanks for your prayers. I accept them even though I don’t share your religion. My pain is from herniated disk in my neck and muscle spasms that strain to hold my head up.

 Gert here…HO/JW must get that dig in about religion and she doesn’t know enough to get OFF the compter!

 Yes, adoption is a class issue. While you may not agree or see yourself as rich, ….. You may be angered with my words here. Please understand that I see this all the time. As the recipient of someone else’s child, you benefit because you now have the child, whereas, the other parents lost. ….(in response to negative feelings and prejudice) No, it is the other way around. I repeat: I lost my entire family and my name and my rights to my birth certificate. My legal birth certificate is filled with lies. I see no prejudice here on my behalf. I tell the truth. I am not prejudice. I would have rather been raised by my family of birth than to be adopted.

Gert here…that’s right she doesn’t allow the other’s view point, she always has to be correct.

You can give your opinions on how you see the birth certificate issue. May I remind you that I have been in adoption reform for over 38 years and have researched law. I am in personal contact with adoption experts in Holland where they have 1 birth certificate and 1 adoption certificate and both are needed for adoptee’s identification and citizenship.(and on and on)…I am not preaching to you. I am sharing my thoughts. I am not Christian and I do not preach sermons. You are on the defensive because you are reading opposing viewpoints from your own.

Gert here…sure she’ll allow someone to give their opinions but she MUST remind everyone about her years of expertize as well as a good dose of condenscending attitude…no wonder people are turned off by her.

 It seems to me that family counseling is in order for all to have reciprocal caring relationships with each other. No, I will not use anything against you. I hope you will not continue to be sick to your stomach. It is fear, worry, defensiveness that prevents learning. I am not at all upset here. I have lived my life and know peace. It is you who are distressed.

Gert here…and here is DOCTOR, SOCIAL WORKER HO/JW being the best she can be! And she is PERFECT and in Peace…it is the other person who is distressed!

 Yes, parents who do not do the work to improve their lives frustrate me, and other workers, too. We can try to help some people, but if they do not want to change or cannot change, then they lose out on life….There is absolutely no reason why a child should have to give up his place in his entire family and give up his name in exchange for a family to take care of him and love him. 

Gert here…what a pompous ass HO/JW is…she speaks these words to others and refuses to live them herself

“You will never convince me that adoption shouldn’t exist.”
Okay. I’m not the only adoptee who is in adoption reform. There are millions of us around the world.

Gert here…and this is the reason why HO/JW and the others go out there to browbeat pro-adoption people! 

“I don’t expect to make an impact on you or change your opinion.”

 You are impacting me. We’re having a dialogue. I am not angry with you as a person. It is the system that is the problem and people’s attitudes in general that are skewed in America. Didn’t you read what other adoptees posted here ….. No, you won’t change my opinion. I have been fighting for change in adoption since I was 18 in 1974.

Gert here…HO/JW is so full of herself that she can’t see her own illogic as it comes out of her mouth.

 My objective is to add to the discussion here. Since I am new to this site, I will probably start a new post about birth certificates. But I have included most of my points here, and not a new post, because this is to show the reasons for dissatisfaction with adoption by an adoptee who has lived adoption for 56 years…. It is not easy to be a stay at home Mom as you are working hard as a Mom! Unpaid, too.

Gert here…No HO/JW’s objective is NOT to add to the discussion, she will switch at a moment’s notice if she gets TOO much flack. She AGAIN has to give the appearance that she has been at it a long time, which is very misleading. Does she have to get the ‘unpaid’ remark in there? Stay at home mom MEANS UNPAID!

Ah, I would like to share my story so others can learn and not make the same mistakes, but I do not promote open adoption. I see no importance of open adoption at all. That’s your agenda. I wouldn’t mind discussing what went wrong in my adoption, or what went right. and on and on….BUT she  (adopted mother) said to me while I was growing up that one reason she adopted me was to have someone to take care of her when she died. She’s lucky I didn’t abandon her with the way she treated me most of my life. I am not Christian, I acted out of love and human kindness.

Gert here…and sharing HO/JW’s story is WHAT the birth siblings object to the MOST, and look at the sentiment that HO is NOT ASHAMED to state…how ‘lucky’ the dying woman was that HO didn’t abandon her! There’s that religion comment and of course HO still has love and human kindness…NOT.

I don’t have a fear of open adoption. I know exactly what it is and am opposed to it….. It is a business!…Please read books….but none of them are made known by adoption agencies because they don’t want adoptive parents to know what’s out there….I am only giving information. I am not being counterproductive. It is up to adoptive parents here to follow my suggestions to read and research and to attend conferences. Hey, I’ve taken my entire day and evening writing here today. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be sitting home alone right now.

Gert here…and if you didn’t get it the first time around, that HO/JW will spend all her time browbeating and bullying pro-adoption people, remember that she has pain in her neck, is on pain meds and still spends a day and night on the computer telling people what they NEED to know! Who is she kidding here…home alone… then who was THAT MASKED MAN, PILGRIM, WHO CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET OF HO’S MIND TO ATTACK THE BIRTHSIBLINGS.

It is assumptions of others that make the problem worse. Yes, there is a fine line.

Gert here…HO/JW is very good at assumptions, her whole libelous book was about assumptions, that is why the birthsiblings have been exposing all the lies and behavior.

I can’t really explain here the extent of what happened to me. It was truly bizarre. Whole families mixed up with misperceptions. It wasn’t just directed at me….and on and on…did not mean to anger you by my comments. You simply are not used to hearing what an adoptee has to say…. But adoptees’ voices should be heard because we have been harmed by what adoption has done to us.

Gert here…all the retelling of untruths, for what purpose, to prove that she was ‘kept in the dark’? It is this retelling of untruths that the birthfamily has GREAT OBJECTS TO, because HO contunues to spread lies.  

…You just don’t want to hear it nor believe it. ..Again, read… be sure to watch the show…I cannot be responsible for your feelings in reaction to me giving you information. Only you are responsible for your feelings and reactions….If he is angry, that is his choice. If he is sad, that is his choice. If he leaves both sets of parents behind, that is his choice. He will have plenty of books to read, plenty of adoption materials to sift through on his own.

Gert here...HO/JW says ‘here is the information and if you don’t want to accept that don’t blame her! She doesn’t even take responsiblity for her actions why would she take it for others. Cold hearted!

Why is this woman a positive role model and we adoptees here are not? Because she is a happy adoptee? Because she doesn’t want to be search or be found? Because she is not angry? When adoptive parents hold up an adoptee like that it is because they do not want to recognize that there are problems with adoption.

Gert here…see…these angry adoptees MUST make everyone know just how angry they are…and this is a healthy life?

 …and on and on….Nothing is saved written by you. You have nothing to fear. I am not out to hunt you down or anything like that. I don’t know who you are and I don’t want to know. You are not a threat to me and I am not a threat to you.

Gert here…but heaven help you if HO/JW believes you are her enemy, she will never let you forget how you hurt her.

Again, now that I have spent my whole day here, I hope all of you will at least take a look at the books I’ve suggested and read about …. We all could use an education.  Posted by halforphan56 on Apr 21, 2012 at 2:01am

Gert here…too bad HO/JW doesn’t have time to get an education!

 FOURTH POST BY JOAN:  – AND WHERE SHE STARTS THE ATTACKS ON US FIRST on this thread RIGHT HERE:
If my adoptive parents had read books that I brought home since being found in 1974 by siblings they never wanted me to know, we would have had a better understanding of each other. Instead, they yelled at me. And I was 18.Same thing for my natural family. Ignore or put down what the adoptee has to offer because they just wanted to know what I turned out to be. Not interested in who I am, just who I looked like or sounded like, or a baby sister who didn’t fit their idea of what I should be.Any and all parents who have lost a child to adoption should read these books, too. Knowledge is power. Thank you for understanding. Posted by halforphan56 on Apr 21, 2012 at 3:20am 
 
Gert here…like every parent has read ‘baby book’s before having children! I surely didn’t! and I bet neither did HO/JW! Everything that she says here about the birth family are HER IMPRESSIONS and are not based on any facts. She was ALWAYS confrontational in her style, which she LEARNED from the adoptive family. The birth family was NOT confrontational and just wanted her to stop bothering us. We had no pre-conceived notion about her therefore there was no mold that we wanted her to fit into…this is all in HO/JW’s brain and not in reality. 

SIXTH POST BY JOAN: – SECOND PARAGRAPH – SHE ADMITS TO ANOTHER POSTER THAT SHE ASSUMED SOMETHING, AND GOT CHASTISED FOR ASSUMING SOMETHING.

“I only mentioned another adult person who was adopted in my son’s life because she is a real person that he interacts with on a weekly or biweekly bases. Her state of happiness or unhappiness has nothing to do with it. Why did you assume that’s  what I meant?”

Well, you didn’t explain. I assumed that her state of happiness was related to your interest in keeping her around for your adopted son. From our experiences as adoptees in the reform movement, happy adoptees are thrown in our faces as proof that what we say has no validity.

Gert here…what logic!! Just because people are happy these angry adoptees have to make a big deal over it and then go out and beat up people OUT OF THEIR HAPPINESS.

…“I would also like to see open adoption agreements as legally enforcable, but since you don’t agree with open adoption then I guess that doesn’t pertain to this discussion.”

If you felt so much love you would not have taken another woman’s baby form her, and from his father. You have legal rights to their child. You claim you share your adopted son’s life with them out of love. For him? For them? Your son has no power: he is a minor child. Why should open adoption agreements be made enforceable? Just another form of adoption. Why not fight for every parent to be empowered to keep their children?

Gert here…and this is HOW adoption REFORM will come about…by browbeating and humiliating people!

You want open adoption to be an option. Why? Again, I say to you: Why do you, why did you, take another woman’s infant as your own? She is not her son’s legal parent anymore. And no one has talked about his father. Hmm…and on and on….their integrity as adoptive parents.Good, upstanding Christians, they are. And they are Christians.

Gert here…more browbeating and harassing people just because they are happy and are pro-adoption and of course a good dose of anti-christians..

I did not misunderstand your comments about birth certificates. Remember: I have invested 38 years in legal research, psychology, and social work to understand adoption. I am not a lawyer, but I have read laws of my state, other states,

Gert here…yes she has invested a lot of years of hate to keep her angry up!

I will never see adoption as being necessary. If you were relinquished, adopted, and led a life of lies at the hands of your adoptive parents, perhaps you’d see it differently. and on and on…You have not commented on family preservation, kinship care, guardianship. That tells me these concepts are new to you. If they are new to you, you need an education. None of these options are made clear to pregnant women and the fathers.

Gert here…and why is HO/JW on this discussion thread? Because she has a NEED to bully, browbeat and harass pro-adoption people to get back at her adoptive parents for loving her.

If …..were a male, would that be a problem? Not to me. I’m not afraid of men. and on and on Posted by halforphan56 on Apr 21, 2012 at 5:14am

Gert here…this is NEWS to the birthsiblings, about HO/JW not being afraid of men! In her book she details each and every abuse that angry-abusive men did to her. In fact, her alter-ego, imaginary friend Pilgrim/Champ, is a man and is very very abusive and angry. So HO/JW has challedged her angry into a male that she is NOT afraid of because it is her!

After this, Ruth posted and HO/JW attacked and then I posted and HO/JW assumed the identity of Pilgrim, who attacked us the birthsiblings. As soon as birthsiblings show up and give the other side of the story, JW/HO turns real ulgy and viscious. She is still doing it, now under the disguise of Champ with yet another blog against the voices of truth…the birth siblings.

To see the whole thread, which has NOT been taken off, interestingly see…

http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/Question_re_taking_postings_off/

another new post on my blog about Joan and Chimp

Halloween and other horrors. Joan Wheeler is a horror all year round!

with picture! Enjoy!

gertmcqueen

Gert here…
oh I just loved the pictures!! Great fun! I love going to those seasonal horror-houses! There are many many deep reasons why people STILL do all these things, from halloween right up to may day…but those reasons would be too DEEP for someone like Joan Wheeler to understand

continuing on with exposing the contents of the libelous book of Joan Wheeler

It is always a good thing to keep fresh in mind, that Joan Wheeler wrote a libelous book, which got pulled from publication.

Reposting of March 4, 2010, about Joan Wheeler’s lying libelous book, Forbidden Family

 From the eldest Sippel sister Gert, in respond to Joan’s book of fiction.

 

My intent is to repost, over time, some of my earlier posts regarding Joan’s active attack upon us, the birth siblings, and our families. My intent also, in reposting, is to make sure that new readers see what I’ve written already and to refresh the memories of others. Also by reposting, it is a constant reminder to Joan that she NEEDS to remove the two libelous hate-filled blogs and the newest one, under an imaginary friend’s name and other ‘false front’ blogs where she advertizes the hate filled blogs, that she still has AGAINST us the birth siblings. This post is found on the Three Sisters blog.

 

 From Gert McQueen, March 4, 2010

 

Having finally gotten my hands on this book of revelations! Do not relatives of Joan have the right to have their own emotions expressed and related as to what she writes about them or their life or are we suppose to just allow someone, Joan, continue to lie and misrepresent us. If people have individual web sites, where they speak their own minds, like Joan, why is it that Joan’s family members are not allowed to have the same rights as she does and speak their mind. I am speaking my own mind, I have that right just as she does. No one can silent another, that went out with the Inquisition. I use techniques of Constructive Criticism and Higher Criticism when I read and comment on any book. I learned that from my years of research and writing and it is used routinely in the scholarly world.

 

On page 645 of Joan’s book she says she has worked in the field of social work. Would she please let her readers know when and where she worked? I’m really curious where she worked and gained her experience and you should too if the work she presents is to be believed. I took training at a Domestic HotLine center for a month and attended a couple of group sessions where my stories helped other people, does that give me creditials to say that I worked in those fields, even though I don’t hold any degrees. I also held a job for three months helping abused children, does that give me creditials to say I’m a social worker and have great experience working with abused children.

 

On the title pages of the book, she writes ‘some very traumatic events have been omitted’ as if to say, hey there is much more that I can and will write about. Really folks all that statement says is there’s a ‘hint’ that the content of her book is going to be so sensational you must read it. It’s a come-on statement aimed at getting attention.

 

She says what she writes is from memory ‘without embellishment’. Really now! Who doesn’t tell a fish story when retelling from memory! If it isn’t embellished it certainly is highly subjective in nature and anyone who knows anything about ‘non-fiction’ knows that it better be object in nature if it is to be believed to be a true representation of the topic. This book should be listed as fiction for it is NOT truthful.

 

In her acknowledgements she sure likes to drop a lot of names, as if that makes her important. It’s another publishing gimmick people, just like the foreward by a named Doctor. He calls the book a ‘reunion in progress’, but from whose point of view, totally from the adoptee, not the families! That’s biased people! You can’t have a work of non-fiction without being objective and unbiased.

 

She says in ‘why she wrote the book’, it was ‘to tell the truth from my point of view’ again that is totally subjective in nature and can not be considered non-fiction. Anyone’s point of view is by nature subjective and therefore does not meet the standard of truth. She ‘invites’ others, namely her family members to do ‘the hard work’ of telling their truth by writing a book. Wrong thinking. Writing a book is not the only way to tell the truth. Speaking for myself, I am doing the hard work by living my life and I don’t have any inner need to exploit the rest of my family by writing a book of fiction to play with myself.

 

Even on her facts she doesn’t get it right. My father went to night school to get a degree in engineering. He was a city engineer for about 30 years. He was not poor, he probably was part of that class called the ‘working poor’ like many people, including myself, have been in at one time or another. He was never out of work, like Joan is. He never cried poverty like Joan portrays him as.

 

There will be more from me as my life allows me the time to look at this book of subjectively fiction

  

another master piece by Joan Wheeler’s imaginary friend of May 1

I really have to wonder what this exercise, that Joan is doing, is suppose to accomplish. For all it’s doing is proving that Joan Wheeler refuses to answer the charges against her, while she maintains that there is something we birthsiblings are doing TO her. All we ARE DOING is exposing her lies, misdeeds, and bullying browbeating behavior and of course she is continuing that behavior with the imaginary friend and giving everyone a good laugh, at her.

 As you will see in the post, which follows here, all Joan is reduced to, is a steady stream of insults, under the guise of some imaginary friend, a man, nice fellow. Okay, we use insults too, but we also show the dirty deeds that Joan did to us and continues to do while she lies about ourselves and our family…no where do you SEE any dirty deed that we sisters DID TO JOAN presented by Joan. What you always hear about, even in that libelous book, ARE JOAN’S IMPRESSIONS! No documents to prove her points, no witnesses, no nothing. She doesn’t even have the birth family to come to her defense, because they ALL want nothing to do with her.

 Joan, name ONE dirty deed that either of your sisters ever DID to you…name it, the deed, NOT AN IMPRESSION FROM YOUR MIND. NAME the deed and provide the evidence of that deed.

JW wants to impress upon us that NO ONE is listening/reading us…well wouldn’t she be surprised to really know just how much of a following we REALLY do have and how many people GIVE us the kidos to continue on with exposing Joan Wheeler. The real reason that JW has to resort to imaginary friends is because she has no real ones! I still fail to see how ‘Champ/Joan’ seems to feel that she has given some sort of ‘point of reference’ to confirm they are NOT Joan. Blog addresses/references on a stat page of any blog does not CONFIRM any one’s existence, it only show some point of entry, NOT existence of being a human being!

 How about what they do with hostages? Have a picture taken of your driver’s license, and you, and today’s newspaper…then perhaps I’d think about the possibility that there is another human out there, but you know, JOAN, you really are nuts to propose that there is another human being besides you writing this blog!

 And all this rhetoric that JW and imaginary friend present, about us birth siblings, sounds like it came straight out the Middle Ages when the only religion that was allowed was the Roman Catholic Church and all other belief systems were subjected to any matter of bogeyman traits. What next Joan, are you going to have us put on the ‘rack’? Nice going here, Joan, I’m sure you are making more friends and converts to your illogical thinking with your continued attacks upon your birthsiblings and our religious beliefs…you are SO good at that, you have been condemning our religions for decades. You MUST have the pulse of the planet at your fingertips to be so all wise and knowing about what is or isn’t! Dream on!

 KARMA baby, KARMA

Here’s Joan Wheeler’s imaginary friend’s post to us.　

Hi Gertie and Ruthie! Thanks for showing how fixated on Joan you are. Something about trampling civil liberties showed up in a new posting. The only ones who are doing any civil liberties trampling are you two. Actually, the only ones who are reading your latest conglomeration of hateful, mindless drivel are you two! Hope you’re enjoying yourselves. You may as well, because nobody else is even remotely interested in hearing any more paranoid whining and complaining from you.
I can get the traffic source for visits to my blog. I’m sure you can do the same. Check yours, as I just paid a visit to your latest rant concerning your latest last attack of paranoia. No, I didn’t bother reading it. I’m not interested in adding any more lunacy to my existance, but I just wanted to give you a point of reference to confirm for you that I’m not Joan.

The only reason for this blog is to try to get you to mind your own business. If 3 healthy healthy, mentally stable individuals insist on ganging up on one disaled person with the sole purpose of destroying her, that’s nothing other than bullying. It shows that evil and baseness are alive and well, and their names are Gertrude and Ruth. Even your Liverpudlian sister seems to have lost interest to some extent in your diabolic claptrap. If, on the other hand, your malice is the product of mental illness, ( which, after 30 years, I strongly suspect is the case), then you should get the help you so desperately need. If you’re not in need of help, you’re giving the impression you’re the type of people who enjoy kicking puppies, freightening small children, and pulling the wings off flies. How is that helping to regain “family honor?” One other point you might want to consider. I happen to know that one of you is Wiccan, and the other Theodist. I have no problem with either belief system. If that’s what you believe in, that’s fine with me. But how are you portraying the values of your belief systems? Are there not enough prejudices concerning Wicca without you giving the impression that this attitude is what people can expect? And as for Theodism, probably not 1 person in 100 knows anything about that. Is your constant bullying portraying Theodist principles in a favorable light? If your answer is yes, it’s understandable why that belief system doesn’t seem to have sparked the public interest.
I can tell you that I don’t hate you, nor does Joan. All that’s wanted by either of us is to have you out of her life. Hate has way of aging a person and eating away at them. It will eventually turn back on the person doing the hating, and affect them as much, or more, that it affects the object of that hate. Are you capable of letting go, or are hateful behavior and bullying the only languages you understand?

Posted by Champ at 1:52 PM 0 comments

Dissection of the inner workings of Joan Wheeler’s mind.

 Here is a break down, of the posts that Pilgrim (one of Joan Wheeler’s imaginary friends) said, on the thread on adoptive families circle. This exercise is to show how these figmentational characters are, all one and the same, Joan Wheeler. It is IMPOSSIBLE for another human being to use the same words and expressions of ANOTHER and claim to be a SECOND person. This is a rather long post, but ever so informative, please stay with it.

 Joan’s ‘alter-ego’ is Pilgrim/Champ, halforphan56 is Joan, birthsibling is Ruth and eldestbirthsibling is Gert. Pilgrim’s words are in italic

FIRST POST BY PILGRIM:
Boy! You want to talk about HATE? Just read Birth Sibling’s posts. Take a look at eldestbirthsibling’s posts as well. Have these 2 even LOOKED at the terms of use here? I happen to know halforphan56. She is a sincere lady, ( I apply the term lady to her and her alone. It has no application to the 2 previously mentioned posters.), and she’s trying to make a difference. The other 2 have been doing nothing other than meddling in her life and trying to destroy her mentally, professionally, and physically for over 30 YEARS! And why? Because halforphan56 wrote a book about her life as she lived it. Certainly there were some things that may have been unflattering about the people in her life, but anyone who has read the book knows that she was often as hard on herself as she was on others.

Gert here…what we see here is an example of the angry adoptees’ tactic of ‘tag-teaming’. Joan wants it to appear that a second angry adoptee is on that thread and so she uses her created alter ego…pilgrim. But if you were to look at the profiles of these two (halforphan and pilgrim) you will find that halforphan only joined that site about 2 weeks before and that Pilgrim only about 2 HOURS before he/she/it posted! And Joan wants everyone to believe that she has another friend! So pilgrim brings attention to the ‘hate’ that has been posted by birthsibling’s posts and as a ‘throw-away’ mentions eldestbirthsibling’s posts. Joan NEVER answers to the charges against her, by her siblings, she by-passes it all and focuses on the ‘hate’ and brings out the ‘terms’ of the thread, totally ignoring that halforphan (HO) herself has violated the same terms BEFORE the siblings came on the thread.

Then Pilgrim has to establish the connection between themselves and him and give glowly ‘testimony’ to the character of HO, pulling the attention away from HO and directly onto the siblings by inferring that only HO is a lady and is trying to make a difference. To make a difference is language of Joan Wheeler (I am using JW from now on) doing nothing other than meddling in her life and trying to destroy her mentally, professionally, and physically for over 30 YEARS! this is word for word JW! Because halforphan56 wrote a book about her life as she lived it. This is word for word JW! The rest of the paragraph are recent thoughts that Joan has begun to use since the book has been pulled, but keeps bringing the attention BACK to Joan by the words she was often as hard on herself, this is somehow to give us the impression that it is someone else speaking!

 And eldestsibling, here’s a newsflash for you. You adopted your own son! Your SECOND husband adopted your own son to whom you gave birth. You relinquished your own 16 year old son, then adopted him back! His birth certificate is now sealed, and he’s living the lie other adoptees are living. Congratulations Einstein! How does that, in any way, equate you with the other people here?

Gert here…Note the attention getting devise (newsflash) again copy-catting from Gert’s writing style and the the direct mention to the adoption of my son! How does ANOTHER person, go on the offensive, to a commenter on a thread, with PERSONAL INFORMATION? Obviously JW doesn’t see the illogic of this attack tactic…going personal to a person that they DON’T know, except via HO. The sharing of personal infor by a second ‘attacker’ JW and Pilgrim only show, to that thread of adoptees, that HO and Pilgrim are haters. Then Pilgrim goes on the angry adoptee platform of His birth certificate is now sealed, and he’s living the lie other adoptees are living. and then adds an insult Congratulations Einstein! Oh so very JW. How could a MAN say that about an adoptee, on a adoptee thread, when he claims, in another comment that he KNOWS about adoption! No, HO got carried away in her attempts at shutting down elderbirthsibling (me) and she used one of her alter-egos to do it, she didn’t fool anyone.
A warning to all readers of this thread. What does it indicate about a person who ACTIVELY carries on a campaign of hate for over 30 YEARS? Who refers to a poster as h.o.? Who writes at such length and with such frequency as they do here? These people have nothing in life outside of their hate and venom. They twist truth, make up “facts”, and otherwise misrepresent both themselves. Are these REALLY the kind of people with whom one would want to associate? I certainly wouldn’t. These 2 say they’re trying to take back their family honor. They don’t realize th’re dragging it through dungheap after dungheap.

Gert here…All of these words are JW’s words or a copy-cat of words that Gert had said on this thread or elsewhere. The fact that I actually came on that thread to begin with pissed JW off and as per her usual MO she goes on the OFFENSE trying to discredit the birthsiblings. She can not accept any right and reasonable explanation that Ruth and Gert give about the use of the initals HO. This is JW speaking, not Pilgrim. JW only uses the words ‘twist truth’ and copies Gert’s words of ‘facts’ and ‘misrepresent’ and ‘family honor’ and ‘dungheap’. JW is not original nor clever enough to pull off that she is not IT; the very fact that Pilgrim is so angry and ready and willing to attack another, on line, in front of everyone, only PROVES that Pilgrim is HO who is Joan.

 ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I’m disgusted with this behavior. Get over your jealousy, children. Try to find SOMETHING to make your lives worthwhile. Hate eventually turns on itself. You’re both long overdue. You complain she doesn’t work. After 30 + years of your abuse, yes, she’s disabled. I know you’ll be proud of yourselves for causing that. It must make you proud that the one glorious crusade in your lives is your attempt to destroy your own sister.

Gert here…oh this is so JW, I can acutally HEAR her. If pilgrim is a different person and a male at that, as he/she/it maintains, then NO MALE would throw such an obviously temper-tamtum! JW also is the only one that I know of that believes that Ruth and Gert are JEALOUS of her. Jealous of what, I ask you? JW is so frustated and pissed off that she can’t control herself as she imagines pilgrim speaking, for her. JW is telling us the same things that she has said so many times before and she doesn’t know that she is doing it! Her brain has been fried so many times with this ‘story of hate’ that she can not separate herself from it, for one second. She wants everyone to believe that there actually is another person out there that KNOWS what Ruth and Gert have done; that we are (JW’s words) proud of ourselves because we caused JW’s disabilities and that we are on a glorious crusdae to destroy our own sister. JW has said these very words many many times in many many places. You can just see little Joanie having a fit as she writes this…ENOUGH IS ENOUGH…don’t you see I have a FRIEND WHO IS MY DEFENDER? Can you see little Joanie stomping her feet and getting red in the face?

To all reading this, halforphan56 has done nothing to provoke this mindless viciousness. All she asks is that she be left in peace. She has not launched any kind of attack herself, and, unlike the other 2, has shown herself to me to be a lady and gentlewoman. I’m on your side, halforphan56! Posted by Pilgrim1003 on Apr 24, 2012 at 3:10am

Gert here…as usual HO/Pilgrim must make sure that everyone knows that she did nothing to provoke…only everyone has already seen the attacks that HO did to other adoptees, on this thread, before Ruth and Gert arrived, and then of course, as soon as we did HO attacked and then created/brought Pilgrim on for more attacking. More words of JW/HO are All she asks is that she be left in peace… if she wants to be left in peace why is she on this thread browbeating adoptees? and again the assertion that shehas not launched any kind of attack herself, and, unlike the other 2, has shown herself to me to be a lady and gentlewoman. And the fact that Pilgrim has to assert that HO is a lady/gentlewoman, there MUST be a reason for SOMEONE else to come to poor HO’s side! The use of I’m on your side is another form of copying Gert and Ruth’s style of our dual nature of our comments, where we bouce back and forth telling the truth of a situation. JW/HO is also a copy-cat.

 SECOND POST BY PILGRIM:
sorry, eldestbirthsibling. Wrong AGAIN, as usual. I’m not halforphan56. Just to show thye rest here that you’re a busybody who has nothing better to do than try to destroy your own sister, I’ll tell you quite honestly that yes, I did use her computer for my last post. You probably found an IP #, added 1+1 and came up with 3 for an answer. Why don’t you check the IP# on this post? Oh that’s right! You will! Why? Because you’re a meddling, malignant busybody.

Gert here so once I, Gert as elderbirthsibling, tell Pilgrim that I know who they are, what do we get? More mockery and the reason they posted was to show that, using JW’s words, that  you’re a busybody who has nothing better to do than try to destroy your own sister, but see he/she/it got caught (JW in a lie again) and had to come up with cover story, that Pilgrim used HO’s computer and the only reason we found out was because of IP addresses. That is a ONLY a JW paranoia…she BELIEVES that we FOLLOW her IP addresses or some BS. I, Gert, haven’t a clue about such things and here Pilgrim/HO is addressing ME, are they not? JW/HO just cannot UNDERSTAND that Gert and Ruth are not ONE PERSON.  

Gert here continuing on with Pilgrim’s comment…

P, and everybody else here, to you I appologize if this seems personal. I’ve known halforphan56 for quite awhile. Eldestbirthsibling and her 2 sisters have been trying to ruin halforphan56 in every way possible for over 30 years for some totally fabricated and imaginary slight to their family honor. 30 YEARS for crying out loud. I read the book and found nothing in it that doesn’t happen in many families, but because they want their family to seem like it’s perfect, they take offense. All 3 sisters have blogs which do nothing but try to destroy their own sister for the capital crime of trying to tell about her life. One of them actually has 3 blogs going, and all 3 are filled with HATE!

Gert here another nice tactic, apology for the personal comments, which of course HO/JW did not answer, any of my charges against her, HO just hid behind Pilgrim, avoiding the issue and hoping that everyone will forget that eldestbirthsibling told what HO/JW did. Confuse the issue by not answering and turning the tables…Joan’s behavior pattern. Then trivilize the whole thing fabricated and imaginary slight to their family honor The repeated use of 30 years is JW/HO. JW can’t say she ‘wrote’ the book, so she has Pilgrim say he/it read the book! If Pilgrim/Champ/Brian READ the book why haven’t they written a review of the book? Because there is second person here! 

Gert here continuing on with Pilgrim’s comment…

One of the comments on one of the blogs urges halforphan to take a bottle of pills to rid the world of her. Another comment states that when the writer walks into a room, halforphan56 is to walk out. There’s another comment on how one of the sisters would like to put a fist in halforphan’s face. They’ve even made threats to her if they ever catch her visiting her natural mother’s grave. They’ve made up stories about altrications with a funeral director at her natural father’s wake, which, by the way, halforphan was forbidden, UNDER THREAT, to attend during regular visiting hours. Enough is enough. Get out of her life, and, just for chuckles, go find something useful to do with your life. Like play on a starship or something. Posted by Pilgrim1003 on Apr 24, 2012 at 6:25pm

Gert here… one thing that is very important, here to point out, is that it WAS NOT the birth siblings, Gert and Ruth, that forbade Joan Wheeler from the visiting hours at Dad’s wake. It WAS THE ENTIRE FAMILY, starting with the WIDOW. NO ONE wanted to be in the same space that Joan was in. Joan received a phone call from a representative of the family who told her when she was ALLOWED to go to the viewing. Joan was told that if she showed up when the family was there the police would be called. Threat? perhaps, but that was the wishes of the ENTIRE FAMILY. It was Joan herself that made a scene, with the funeral home personnel, because her name was NOT on the obit, which was not an error but the wishes of our FATHER, before he died! And of course this man, Pilgrim, lapses into a play-ground bully, I would NEVER have such a man in my life if this is how he talked to women on a pulbic forum, that’s another give-away that’s it’s HO/JW…if a man TALKED to her like that she would curl up in a fetal position in fear…so she writes in her book!

THIRD POST BY PILGRIM:
By the way, folks. Take a look at birthsibling’s first posting. She actually came here because she and her sisters are cyberstalkers, and found that halforphan posted here. Neither are actually interested in this thread. They came here for the sole purpose of harassing and trying to further discredit their sister. They’ll try to tell you otherwise, but take a look at the first couple of lines of birthsibling’s first posting, then ask yourself who it was who brought any “fight” here. That’s how they operate. They’ll protest, of course, but please don’t fall for it. I’ve seen them do this time and again. Be warned. Posted by Pilgrim1003 on Apr 24, 2012 at 7:09pm

 Gert here. Pilgrim/HO takes the focus off themselves by pointing the finger and saying we are cyberstalkers. Well ISN’T that what HO is doing? What was HER purpose on going to this adoption site? For the sheer purpose of stalking pro-adoption people, including fellow adoptees. Yes, it is true, we birth siblings do want to inform everyone of the behavior and purpose behind what HO/JW does, because she is exploiting our family when she does this kind of browbeating and bullying. And her warning is a little too late, it was me Gert who warned the thread about HO is the first place, copy cat!

FOURTH POST BY PILGRIM, SAYING THEY ARE A BRIAN
My real name is Brian. Not Joan. I am also not Joan’s boyfriend and neither is Russ, who never was her boyfriend either. In fact, knowing how you feel about anyone who has the nerve to be Joan’s friend, you’ll be delighted to hear he’s currently undergoing treatment for cancer. That should brighten up your day a bit! I’m also Champ on Blogger.

 Gert here. Now that Pilgrim has been FOUND OUT, he/she/it has NO CHOICE but to come clean, except we know that it’s already been all ‘created’ before hand; there really isn’t any real Brian.

As it happens, my wife died in 1994, leaving me with 3 half orphans aged 10 – 16. I didn’t ever even CONSIDER surrendering mine for adoption. True, I may not have been the model father, but I at least kept my family together.

 Gert here.  Look at that ‘dig’ at our father who did give HO/JW up to adoption. Another tactic of HO/JW’s attempting to prove, somehow, that our father had a choice…she will not accept the fact that he did not. Nor will she accept the fact that Dad’s second wife was the one who said NO TO THAT INFANT. Why is it that Joan Wheeler can not accept that? Because her adoptive parents and family NEVER knew that was what happened, and, my father, SPARED Joan’s feelings but NOT TELLING HER. But JW is hell-bend on having her own versin of the truth, even coming out of the mouth of a imaginary man! More insults

I have also met some of the people with whom your sister is working, including two mothers who lost their daughters to adoption, one in a so called “open adoption.” I guess the fact that you lost your son to adoption puts you in the same category as these women. OH! THAT’S RIGHT! You still had him with you, didn’t you? I guess that REMOVES you from that category.

Gert here. More insults from a man! Nice going.

Before I met your sister, I knew nothing about adoption or adoption issues. I’ve learned quite a bit from her and from her friends. I’m proud to know them, and proud to call them friends. I have to say I’ve learned a lot from you as well. I’ve learned the true meaning of obsessive-compulsiveness. That’s the only possible explanation, with the possible exceptions of paranoia and megalomania, that could explain the quantity and frequency of your lying, vicious, vapid postings. You’re boring. Repetitive. And I have visited your blogs.

 Gert here. This is pure HO/JW.

Boy, you two are sure busy responding to one another! I haven’t seen any comments from anyone else, though. You’re having your own private little hatefest. I have no problem with Star Trek or any other science fiction. I enjoy it, actually! What I don’t care for are the lies and misrepresentations you write about your sister. I don’t care for the bullying and harassment over everything she tries to do personally or professionally. When you can show me your credentials in social work, then talk to me. I’ve seen your sister’s. The only thing she’s trying to do is to bring an adoptee’s perspective to the original post and this one. Why are you here other than to stalk her? How is it you seem to know so many of her screen names if you’re not stalking her? The fact you found a new screen name she uses just confirms the fact you’re stalkers. The fact that she can’t remain anonymous when trying to address adoption issues and not you personally or by name is due to your rather bizarre fixation with your hate for her

Gert here. This is pure HO/JW…I’m copy-catting here….You’re boring. Repetitive

And don’t try to state your use of h.o. is anything other than an explainable way to insult her.. I’ve come to know how you think, so don’t try selling your brand of crazy to me. I’m not buying. There’s a song I would dedicate to you. Perhaps you’ll remember it from the past, and come to appreciate it even more in the future. It was “I WILL FOLLOW HIM”. Just change the HIM to YOU! You may leave now. You’re dismissed!

Gert here There’s that insulting again, what a guy! what a man!! Why would this MAN be so concerned over this HO business? Any man that I explained this to SEES IT for what it is, a means of using initials instead of typing out the whole name! Joan Wheeler you just can’t think like a man, and you don’t know how REAL men think. It is JW/HO who has the problem with the letters HO. What does Santa Claus say? HO HO HO…anyone gets that except some PC asshole! And besides, it was Joan Wheeler and no one else who calls herself…halforphan…she just doesn’t think!

And yes, I heard the public radio interview with a female shock comedian who says she likes to take things to the edge..she talked about the song I will Follow Him which would have a whole new meaning to it as a stalker’s song. Even here, HO, I heard it before you! You are such a copy cat. So did we get fooled here? Not me!

I will be working on a dissection of what HO/JW said and the lies within them, on this thread.

 end

Ruth I blogged about me using the initials H.O. once before – the first time JW was accusing me of calling her a whore. Which I did no such thing. I will admit, I didn’t use periods that time, but this time I did – and I still got reamed out by the bitch. So the gloves come off – because in JW’s (aka HO), Ruth is damned. No matter what Ruth says or doesn’t say, no matter what Ruth does or doesn’t do – in HO’s mind – RUTH IS IN THE WRONG. Because she hates my guts – WHY?

Because I put my foot down in 1990 when she stole money from me. She dipped into a joint checking account we had together for THE PURPOSE OF BUYING REAL ESTATE. The money was to be used for lawyer fees, closing costs, etc. I borrowed over $4000.00 from a bank and put it in the account – Joan and her husband didn’t contribute a penny. And when the brakes in Joan’s car needed work – guess what she did? SHE TOOK MY F’ING MONEY! Then we were to get a refund from the lawyer – the lawyer sent us a letter saying it would be split between the two of us. I was pissed, because it had been ALL my money in the first place. And Joan agreed to cash the check and give me the cash. THEN she calls me up and says she was keeping it to buy christmas presents for HER kids. I blew up – and said “You PROMISED me that money. YOU gave birth to those kids, they are YOUR responsibilty to provide holidays for them. I WANT MY MONEY TO FIX MY CAR.” – see, when we dissolved the partnership, and I got back the remainder of my money after Joan and her bum husband stole from it, I returned that money to the bank. Then MY car broke down – and I had no money to fix it. The interest I was paying on the loan and the shortage caused by THIEVES Joan and Colby left me nothing to fix my car. So yeah, I bitched her out on the phone and told her to keep the f’ing money and I never wanted to see her again. This is why she thinks I hate her kids – because I told her that I didn’t give birth to them and it WAS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO PROVIDE CHRISTMAS FOR THEM.

Joan, the lazy bitch, who held down only little part time jobs, was too lazy and proud to even get a job as a cashier at a grocery store – or do like me, work in a hospital emptying bedpans. What? She’s too good for that?

BUT sit and whine how “Poor” she was back in the 80′s and 90′s but wouldn’t get a decent job. OTHER mothers work. And she was not disabled.

As to Pilgrim or Chimp (really, we know it’s Joan) – says that I caused her disabilities. OH REALLY? She’s got allergies and irritable bowel syndromes and chronic kidney and bladder infections – how the hell could I cause that?

as for her “fragile” psyche – and her anxiety attacks – I told her once before, her f’ing “anxiety” attacks are probably caused by her fear that because of all the shit she’s done to people, she’s probably scared that someone will come and punch her lights out. And she deserves a good ass kicking! But she ain’t worth me going to jail over. So rest assured, Joni bitch – you don’t have to fear for your life from ME or GERT. As to the other people you fucked over – I can’t answer for them. And yes, she has fucked over other people. by the way Joan, when I showed John the letter where you said he got the next door neighbor pregnant, he was ready to go over to your house and kick your ass.

SO PUT THE RESPONSIBILTY ON PEOPLE BEING PISSED AT YOU WHERE IT BELONGS – ON YOU! BECAUSE OF THE SHIT YOU HAVE DONE TO THEM.

Want a box of Hostess HO’s HO’s?