Reclaiming our Family Honor!
Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!
Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!
ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om
UPDATE OCTOBER 2016
I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!
this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.
UPDATE Sept 2015 my new blog…
Duped by adoption, a book study An in-depth analyzes of the book Forbidden Family My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption.
and a new Facebook page
THE FOLLOWING LINK IS IMPORTANT TO SEE JUST HOW SNEAKING AND DANGEROUS JOAN IS…
UPDATE July 2015 added an LinkedIn account with a post
UPDATE March 2015 this post sums up the TRUE story of our family versus the ‘point of view’ of Joan Wheeler.
Update November 2014
The purpose of this blog is about exposing all the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family and telling the truth of myself and my family.
It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler.
Our commentary and reporting is our business.
The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.
This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT conceived in 1954, when this family picture was taken and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.
HI there! I had the unfortunate experience of reading Joan Wheeler’s book (it was free on Kindle and in my interest area). I’m adopted, and have recently extricated myself from a disastrous reunion forced on me by my birth family. All that said…Joan Wheeler is a self-pitying narcissist. I feel bad for you and your family. You reached out to her in what seems to be hope and love only to have the door repeatedly slammed on your hand…then she blames you for ruining her door jam! Her writing in this book is wheedling and ‘oh they don’t make me the center of my universe so I’ll make them!’ in tone. You and your family are in my prayers that she either wises up or just stops out of boredom.
Jan 3, 2016…I’m replying to the about comment of same date
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us who are named in that latest garbage book of Joan M Wheeler. Glad to know that you didn’t have to pay $$ for it! I did pay for the Kindle but for the printed edition, with discounts, I paid .76 cents…yes seventy-six cents! This book, just like the first one, will never be any kind of ‘best-seller’ for she is speaking to a very small ‘crowd’ that think like herself. There are many out there, like yourself who ‘see’ behind what she writes.
I’m glad that you KNOW about narcissistic behaviors for they can cause tremendous difficulties for anyone who gets ‘close’ to them. I’d encourage everyone to learn more about those types of behaviors for self-protection. Unfortunately, Joan will never ‘wise up’ nor ‘stop’ for any reason, because she is a narcissistic that NEEDS constant attention and she hates adoption.
Sorry to hear that you have had a ‘disastrous reunion’; reunions are NOT easy for anyone and when they go horribly wrong, no one wins. Keep in mind that generally all families can be ‘messy’, doesn’t matter whether one is adopted or not, and if you can maintain proper boundaries, those messes won’t get too bad. Your life is your life, live it as you see fit to live it!
Thank you for keeping us in your prayers, as we will you.
I made a new blog post on my “REFUTING A BOOK OF LIES: FORBIDDEN FAMILY BY JOAN M. WHEELER by Joan M. Wheeler – exposing her lies”
Before we see this review a few statements of fact…
It NEEDS to be remembered that Joan’s first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism’ was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, due to libelous materials within its pages and her violation of her contract with that publisher.
Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!
Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name, Doris M Sippel, and reedited and republished the SAME crap in another book; a third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’!
Talk about conning people!
She ADDED this statement, cleverly inserted in the first page of the ‘new’ book …
‘Accusations that this author has been sued for libel and…
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That’s right! She will hijack any story and make it ‘into’ the story she wants; that adoption is an evil and that adoptees’ birth certificates are falsified! What she NEEDS to do and what she SHOULD do, but what she WON’T do is LOBBY the law MAKERS! Instead, she goes after any news story and any person trying to convince people that THEY are wrong. And, along the way, she does a bit of ‘resume padding’.
As is shown in a couple of replies below, the questions ARE what is the fundamental purpose of a birth certificate? What terms should be used to distinguish between biological parents and custodial parents? What should be done to list the same-sex parents and surrogacy or sperm donors? These valid questions that SHOULD be presented to law makers.
But when these questions are discussed, with and between people, who all have different views, JOAN can’t keep the dialogue going WITHOUT resorting to a) showing and padding her superior knowledge, b) condescending attitudes c) presenting her agenda and propaganda platforms d) insulting and name calling.
Here’s the link to the article where all comments are visible. Here I just present a few, including my own. See if you ‘see’ how she makes converts to her agenda!
The link will NOT show the comments but if you click on my name (below) it will direct you to my disqus comments and it will direct to show in contents of article.
September 21, 2015 6:48 AM ET
This case isn’t about an adopted child. That said, you raise questions that are germane to the conversation: namely, what is the fundamental purpose of a birth certificate?
In most contexts it is used to prove citizenship and parentage for purposes of custody. In that sense it makes perfect sense to place the names of non-biological parents on birth certificates. It certainly makes no sense to require a same-sex married couple who have a child via surrogacy and/or a sperm donor to go through a formal adoption process.
But as you point out, there is a desire to also trace biological heritage. Perhaps we just need to add another two lines to distinguish “biological parents” and “custodial parents”? Given the use of surrogacy as well maybe we also need “birth mother” too since she may not be the biological mother?
I am fully aware that this case is not about adoption, but it should be. I have researched this extensively and have worked on legislation. Birth and adoption are two different events that should be recorded as such. Now that we also have donor-conception and gestational surrogacy, it has been stated, by the people who are the products of such arrangements, that they, like adoptees, are resentful of the lies told on their birth certificates. To be clear, now we need birth certificates that will record the identities of all who have contributed their genes to produce a child: sperm donor father, egg donor mother, gestational surrogate mother. While you may think that the birth certificate was created to designate legal parentage, may I remind you that that was in the early days of birth certificates where babies were born and taken care of by the parents who made them. Birth certificates are just that: a medical record of a child’s birth. The attending physician signs his name, verifying the birth. There is no physician’s signature on the amended birth certificate of an adopted child since there was no birth. Therefore, this amended birth certificate should not be a birth certificate, it should be an adoption certificate created after a non-biological parent completes the steps necessary to become the legal guardian of a child she is not the genetic mother of. Seems to me that same-sex couples want to override nature. they can’t produce a child between the two of them, that is fact. Only the actual mother and the actual father should be named on the birth certificate. And that document should be open to the child for life. If the non-biological same sex spouse wants to be the legal parent. then an adoption should be completed and a truthful adoption certificate should state who adopted the child. Facts are facts. Reality is reality. Just ask the victims of birth certificate fraud.
right, this case should be about adoption because she is an adoption abolitionist, all things about adoption are evil to her mind. that being said…I do believe that there should be a genetic record for medical purposes for every person born.
Birth certificates reflect not only births but NAME CHANGES that is NOT falsifying it reflects the NAME change. To change the way the laws are today about how birth certificates are done, requires lobbing the law makers, not individuals who adopt or are pro-adoption…like myself.
To the best of my knowledge you may have done research on this topic but no where is it recorded that you ‘worked on legislation’, if you are talking about the ONE paper your presented to a public comment session that does NOT EQUATE to working on legislation.
A birth certificate there to shows who your parents are [those who will have custody and responsibility of you as a child] your next of kin, not those who spawned you
That is your opinion. Facts are facts. one sperm and one egg and perhaps one surrogate mother create a child. These are medical facts. The DNA proves who the parents are. If you do not want to accept reality, then do not play god with the realities of the people who are being created in artificial ways.
Who made you god to decide that other people’s opinion and actions are wrong?
No one needs a birth certificate to prove they have been born, that is self-evident.
end and NOW an UPDATE OCTOBER 2016;
I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family.
The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism’ was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!
this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.
Check out my about page on my second blog about Joan’s BOOKS all three of them!
She’s such a fool!
Joan says that when her birth siblings comment, on public news articles, they are stalking and harassing her! What?? We have as much right as any of the world’s billions to comment, on anything, particularly when it deals with ourselves and our family! Joan herself has poisoned many a well against us; years before we were ever ON the Internet.
But, once Joan wrote that first libelous book and more so today, after the second self-published revised book, we siblings will CONTINUE to speak out about her malicious lies and dirty deeds.
Has it ever occurred to Joan and her gang of bully friends, that if she NEVER wrote lies about family she would NOT hear from family? Of course not! Because Joan and her gang believe that only they have the right to speak ‘their truth’, for they are the adoptee! And their ‘truth’ is colored by their ‘anger and hate’ at being adopted and is directed at both birth and adoptive family members!
In this post we are revisiting a couple of older posts with some additional information! The intent is to show just how Joan goes about getting other people to do her dirty work.
First link is to a blog post in which I document the comment exchanges on a Huffington Post article.
Remember that it was events of January 15, 2013 when the above post was written.
Then on Facebook, January 23, 2013 (01/23/13), after that first exchange on Huffington Post, Joan puts out the distress call against us sisters and in May 2013 they attack us! That link will follow after we see Joan and friends exchanges.
On January 23, 2013 Joan M Wheeler says…
One of my sisters has again decided to stalk and harass me online. RuthHerrSippelPace commented on this article for the sole purpose of defaming me. Our older sister, Gert McQueen, did so in numerous comments on this article. She has been banned from Huff Post. I repeat, if any adoptee or any natural parent is involved in an abusive relationship with reunited relatives that were once separated by adoption, you have the right to get out of the relationship. My sisters have been and continue to be abusive to me. I want them out of my life. Period.
Kate Reinke says…
Her polluted stream of consciousness is almost incomprehensible, so while trying to discredit you she really just makes herself look like a fool. She even replied to the wrong comment.
Joan M Wheeler says…
thanks, Kate Reinke…I know she looks like a fool. Gert McQueen has been banned, but she is back as honorsake. Check out her profile, she follows Ruth, and me. What will it take for them to leave me alone? I reported them, again.
Christine Monahan says…
They are both committable.
Gert back again…and here is my post about how Joan’s friends went after us…
What Joan doesn’t get is that she started all of this, but writing lies…and her lies are all over the Internet and we will continue to expose them and her. Joan has defamed, slandered and libeled us and the rest of two families and she doesn’t see that she has! But when we defend ourselves, point out the truth, we are stalking and harassing!
What I really ‘like’ is Christine’s comment, she’s been Joan’s earliest ‘militant angry adoptees’ friend who is hard core in her insults to anyone!
It is hard to fathom that these types of angry hateful people think nothing of slandering, libeling, condemning and insulting INNOCENT people who are DEFENDING themselves from those actions committed upon them by JOAN M WHEELER.
For more and continued coverage please take a look at my new blog and Facebook page
and I’m NOT BANNED from Huffington Post
too MANY titles, too many lies
Her chosen title has always been ‘Forbidden Family’ because she has this obsession; that being adopted meant she was ‘forbidden’ to know her birth family. Perhaps, that was true during her childhood with her adoptive parents, but like billions of others, as an adult she eventually KNEW her birth family. But that wasn’t enough for this idiot; she had to cause and make trouble within both families and then write libel about everyone, not once, but twice, in book form, and regurgitate it all over the Internet! Therefore she LOST both families.
In addition, because she couldn’t and didn’t ‘leave’ it (being adopted) alone she began to exhibit serious behavioral problems within her adoptive family, long before the birth family made contact. Then, once she was found and because she didn’t/doesn’t KNOW who or what she was/is and her behaviors were NOT accepted by the birth family, we of that…
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Any author’s work should stand up to critical analysis and discussion; for without such, the ‘work’ is just a vanity piece written for personal attention! Because the author, of this particular vanity piece, has written ABOUT family members, it is all the more important to use critical analysis and thinking and engage in discussions.
I placed the following ‘discussion’ on the author’s page. Please do read and partake in discussion!
Your initial post: Aug 17, 2016 8:49:30 AM PDT
gert mcqueen says:
People can write comments on each review and can start discussions. I have six discussions about this book; Gert Mcqueen’s discussion topics. Each discussion goes into greater detail about aspects of this book. As well, you may click on my name, in any comment, to reach my profile page.
The topics are:
1) about the FORWARD.
2) Author’s description of what’s in the book.
3) changes in…
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Perhaps Joan should take a long hard look at the toll that comes from beating a dead horse. Joan isn’t getting any younger, has several medical physical and mental conditions, is disabled and yet is in love with her long long years of fighting and must always remind people of them! But then again…Joan does NOT have what it takes to fill the shoes of Mirah Riben. I myself admire Mirah’s work! Joan can only slander/libel her two families, write two books of hate, rage, anger, and exploit the families for her OWN fame and fortune! Joan can only browbeat, intimidate, insult, and generally verbally beat up anyone who is pro-adoption. Joan has contributed NOTHING to the adoption reform platforms, many have disavowed her, yet she doesn’t ‘get it’. Joan is a ‘suck up’, thinking she can get an ‘endorsement’! No, Joan hasn’t got the credibility to fill ANYONE’s shoes!
The whole story can be found here…
In part Mirah said…
I’m too tired to go on beating my tired, worn out drum. I feel the toll physically of carrying around the angry passion that drove my life’s works – be it small, local issues or the insurmountable world terrorism and climate change ones.
I struggle now with how to “let go” and wonder who am I if I am no longer the hippie, rebel fighter of injustice and the voice for the poor, the marginalized and stigmatized, the mothers and babies in crisis.
I thought what I was experiencing was burn-out but I see it now as more like mellowing and fading out. We are often cautioned to pick our battles. I now find it more productive for myself and my body and soul to put into deeper practice the wisdom of knowing that the only thing I can change is myself and accepting all rest that I cannot change. I gave it my all and I know that I changed many lives, reuniting families and supporting mothers in crisis.
I am not dropping out, or losing my ideals … just stepping down and accepting gracefully and graciously that I am not indispensable in any of my areas of service. I step aside and make room for the next generation, while still here to add my two cents. But, who I if I am no longer an activist being passionate about the injustices of the world?
My life is in transition and transitions are seldom easy. I don’t know what lies ahead for me. Time will tell. I feel no urgency – no burning need to do anything right now. The wind is out of my sails and I am adrift. A rebel without a cause… Just relaxing and enjoying this next level of retirement.
I don’t know what will fill the void in my life. Like a person retiring from a lifelong career or a mother facing an empty nest, I don’t know what the future holds. Who am I if not a lifelong adoption activist? Yet to be determined. All I know is I am no longer – CAN no longer be – that. I can no longer beat my head against the wall. I am not any more indispensable than any other. Neither I nor my input will likely be missed.
Mirah, I am saddened to learn you will be decreasing your involvement in the movement. You have been a valuable asset, a great teacher, an informative writer. Your passion, your pain, influenced me from 36 years ago at our first meeting in Philadelphia. I wish I had taken your photo back then. I can’t believe it had been this long…
Yes, I have been talking about the disgusting legal practice of falsifying birth certificates since I was found by family I did not know I had in 1974 at my age of 18. Ever since then, I have tried, and failed, to gather anyone’s interest in fighting this to the federal level. Not even a whimper in terms of acknowledgment that this is a problem, that it is identity theft. I’ve talked to the powers that be at AAC way back in 1989 and asked for an organizational effort to raise awareness and do a major class action lawsuit on a national scale. I do not recall who it was, but I was shushed aside, with an angry, “It cannot be done!” snarly comment thrown at me. I have been dismissed by the very organization from which I learned so much. Sure, it will be a bureaucratic nightmare to end falsified birth certificates on a national scale, but stopping this practice is what is needed.
About 8 years ago, I secured the attention of civil rights attorney who asked for information. So I sent him articles and blogs and books. After three months he announced that he would take on a class action case for adoptees, not for mere access to un-certified birth certificates, but for complete and total release of certified now-sealed birth certificates. And, he agreed to make every effort to end the practice of falsifying birth certificates of adopted people, with the provisions of nullifying falsified birth certificates if the adopted person wanted to do so. The catch? He wanted $175,000.00 up front to get started. He made it clear that that was his starting fee and the cost would rise as the complications of taking this to the federal supreme court would not only be expensive, but would take years. He knew I did not have the money, nor did the adopted people I knew at the time have the money. So the idea for a case was dropped.
I am beyond frustrated. Beyond disgusted.
Thank you for your work, Mirah. You WILL be missed. June 17, 2016 at 7:22 PM
Mirah Riben replied…
Doris, Funny that you mention the AAC in 1989. I was Director at Large that year and the AAC was the most radical it was before or since. That year I helped organize a RED TAPE march around the Roosevelt Hotel in NYC and we had a seal breaking. Lots of press. Later that year was the march to Dc and speak out.
I remember constantly being up against the words “we can’t OFFEND anyone.” By “anyone, they meant apr and paps who they relied on for $$.
Then they went back to being self-serving.
Your atty story proves that it CAN be done even though you and I have both been told it’s impossible! It IS very possible, all we need is an atty who is willing to do it to make himself a name. We’d still need to raise actual costs.
Oh, well…someone else will have to carry that mantle… June 17, 2016 at 8:03 PM
Let’s now take a closer look at just two statements…
To quote Joan’s words…
I am beyond frustrated. Beyond disgusted.
To quote Mirah’s words …
I now find it more productive for myself and my body and soul to put into deeper practice the wisdom of knowing that the only thing I can change is myself and accepting all rest that I cannot change.
whom has more dignity?
Six months prior, to this announcement of Mirah’s, Joan took another lawyer to task…that’s another whole different story, for another time.
Because the lawyer was FOR adoption, Joan lashed out at him…talk about alienating any possible help from THAT lawyer, or any, for the cause! And after some very nasty bitter statements by Joan and others, Mirah said…
I’m for giving …. a bit of break, meaning education him gently and kindly…the way ALL education should be done – and appreciating what he IS doing to help fathers!
Well, that advice didn’t and hasn’t changed Joan mindset, tone, or manner of browbeating anyone and it never will. No wonder Joan is so sick and doesn’t get anywhere!
Then we see, because Joan can’t help herself, we see Joan’s arrival to take on the mantle left by Mirah…hummm on second thought…perhaps NOT!
I’m also updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…
Reblogged this on duped by adoption, a book study and commented:
there’s an opening in the field
Gert says: “many have disavowed her, yet she doesn’t ‘get it’. – and I see evidence of that – right on my own facebook. I’ve had in the past three years, one private message from a guy who agreed to rent a room in Joan’s house – be a “boarder” – apparently it lasted about a week. This guy, who I never met, private messaged on facebook and told me that he couldn’t stand to hear Joan’s constant screaming rants to the air – about ME! He said (paraphrase) “she’s nuts. screaming and yelling all day long. I couldn’t get any rest – and it was all about YOU!”
From last summer – I’ve become facebook contacts with three adoptees who were berated by Joan on her facebook, insulted, called names and bullied because they disagreed with her. And those adoptees told her point blank on facebook “shut the hell up Joan.”
And just last month, another adoptee did the same.
I’m not an adoptee – but I am a victim of bullying of Joan – and because I am one of her birthsisters – who she routinely gossips about and slanders and cyber-bullys on her facebook, adoptees have come to know me and Gert.
Unlike some of the adoptees who have their heads up their ass regarding Joan and me – the adoptees that I have become fb contacts with have sensible heads on their shoulders. They know crazy when they see it. They can see exactly who the troublemaker is in Joan’s reunion with her birth family. And they have dropped her like a hot potato.
But like Trump, who is a narcissistic pathological liar just like Joan – Joan DOESN’T GET IT. She refuses to consider that her word is NOT golden. She will NEVER be Saint Joan/Doris of the Adoptees, who has delivered all the adoptees in the world from the pain of their lying parents (birth and/or adopted) and has been THE person who has abolished the institution of the adoption on the planet, AND succeeded in opening up every sealed adoption record in the world and returned ALL original birth certificates to all adoptees in the world.
Trump thinks he is god supreme in the business/political world, Joan thinks she is goddess in the adoption-reform world.
She is in for one hell of a let down. — and when it comes – I know exactly what she will say: “It’s my birthsister RUTH’S fault.”
always best to learn behavioral patterns, so you are not targeted
here’s a great article on learning and understanding behavioral patterns…
First, it needs to be noted that Joan M Wheeler has changed her name to Doris Michol Sippel, her birth name. She shall NEVER be that birth named person to anyone in the birth family for she DIED the same day as our mother died. So regardless of what Joan calls herself, for she has multiple screen names, I shall never recognize any but Joan M Wheeler.
SEE END OF THIS POST FOR UPDATED INFO
Second, it appears as if Mirah is bowing out of the mainstream spotlight of adoption reform activism; that’s a topic for another post. As usual Joan is attempting to make yet another power play to get herself onto the top of the heap; Joan loves to state HOW many years she’s been fighting etc etc etc. Joan attempted a power play in 2015 with Joyce B from UI Adoptee Rights NY. See this link for fuller details…
Third, there is SOME dispute about whether adoption CAUSES trauma, such as PTSD, separation issues, etc. or not. At this junction I am NOT addressing those issues. Primarily the issue being discussed in the following is adoption versus family preservation. From personal experience and intuitive thinking, I don’t believe that family preservation is possible, or welcomed, in many cases. I am of firm belief that adoption has a large place in the world of humans.
The following Huffington Post article gave me just the opportunity to present my position. Of course I was subjected to yet another adoptee fool who just would NOT let another person, me, have my own thoughts and opinions!
On June 29, 2016 Mirah Riben wrote a piece on Huffington Post. The link is below.
I begin, here, by showing my and Ruth’s comments before I show Joan’s, for I want OUR positions to be understood before Joan presents her agenda and propaganda. Also, by presenting my, and Ruth’s comments, first we can show how even ONE adoptee will just not let go of their bone of contention! Another point to be aware of is that NO ONE replied to Joan’s comments.
Here is the link
In Joan comments, as you will see further down, she tells ‘her version’ of her adoption. Instead of replying to her directly, I told the TRUTH of the situation, in a separate comment. Of course, Joan and others know who I am, don’t like what I have to say, for it does NOT square with Joan’s and they can’t stop me. There are many who do not know who I am and agree with me. But then, as you will see, there are those that want to destroy me because of my opinions.
So I began…
Family preservation is NOT always the answer or even possible! There are real and right reasons for ADOPTION. Here’s the truth of one family’s LOSS and TRAUMA!
In the winter of 1955/56, in a hospital bed, where she laid, on the drug DES and bedrest to keep her pregnancy intact, a young wife/mother gave birth to her 5th child, a girl on January 7; there were 3 other girls and 1 boy, all very young. The husband/father had his elderly parents helping with the care of the four and the newborn, upon release from the hospital, was then in the care of a family relative. The husband/father knew that his wife was dying, of cancer, from January 19, 1956 when she had exploratory surgery and it was deemed that nothing further could be done for her. She herself knew she was dying and told her husband to remarry for the children. She died March, 28, 1956.
From JANUARY 1956 the father searched for a solution. NOTHING was decided at any funeral. He proposed a marriage of convenience, BEFORE his wife died, to a woman, who had 2 fatherless children saying that he would help raise them, if she would help raise his 5 motherless children. She agreed, but NOT to the infant; the last born. They were married, 3 months after the death of the children’s mother, in June 1956.
Before the second marriage, some family members wanted to ‘adopt’ the infant. Some other family members wanted to ‘adopt’ the other 2 youngest children. The father said NO, if he could NOT RAISE his children NO ONE IN THE FAMILY WOULD.
Other family members knew of an older couple (10 years older than the natural parents) that were infertile and wanted a child. Adoption was the solution to provide for this infant THAT WAS REFUSED BY THE SECOND WIFE and care for and keep the rest of the family in the second marriage.
The infant was adopted quickly, removed from the relatives who had been giving physical care, to the adopting couple; for the day that the husband’s wife died, this last child also became ‘dead’, for that was the only psychological means and way that allowed him to give up his child.
The remaining 4 children and step-children’s lives were uprooted again in 1957 when the 2nd wife developed a mental illness and was hospitalized. The six children were placed in various orphan/foster homes; one of them, me, barely returned to their father’s care. Life was hard at times and the 4 children always wondered about their baby sister. That child, which was adopted out of the family, was raised as an only spoiled child, that and more were to be learned, the hard way, in years to follow.
It is best NOT to second guess, or make up stories, about what anyone did or didn’t do 60 years ago just feed one’s sense of being duped. NO one is this family won! EVERYONE lost and had trauma! Live the life you got, for better or worse, you only have the ONE. Adoption is a human institution that certainly needs reform but it will be around for as long as there are human that NEED that option Jun 30, 2016 4:53pm (liked by Greg Sedo…remember this name)
lets ignore the fact that there are other options in 2016 that care for kids way better than adoption. parenting orders, guradianship, kinship care just to name a few. Jul 2, 2016 5:26pm
(this person cannot allow me to have my own views)
Sarah Bremick I’m not ignoring that there are other, perhaps better options, available today than 60 years ago than ‘just’ adoption! I gave a very real personal family story that could easily be lived TODAY, by many. The decision MADE was a personal decision; just like many personal decisions that ALL of us make at any time in our lives! I know I’ve had to make hard difficult decisions USING my own conscious WITH what I had at any GIVEN moment and I’m sure you have as well!
The issue/decision to adopt or not to adopt is NOT ALWAYS a clear cut ‘do this, don’t do that’, kind of thing! I adopted! That was MY decision to do so. My life, my decisions, like my father’s, are NOT up to being criticized, decades later, by adoption activists who believe that adoption is an evil! Neither are my life’s decisions to be USED and ALTERED to fit and prove someone else’s ‘agenda and propaganda’ that adoption causes all manner of troubles, problems and what have you!
I find it a grave dishonor to family members that their LIVES, their TRAUMAS, their LOSSES are used and altered to promote a personal agenda against the institution of adoption! How would YOU, Sarah, feel if YOUR decisions, YOUR life, were ALTERED to fit into another’s propaganda program? I still feel that as long as there are humans, adoption will be a valid and valuable method to care for children that need homes and parents! Jul 2, 2016 7:40pm
your the casue of the problem. Me..mine were altered to suit someone else without my permission.Adoption is never valid. You are not a valid reason to over ride how I feel about it Jul 4, 2016 5:57am
Sarah Bremick sometimes (not all the time) kids need families not legalized babysitters. That’s where adoption is sometimes a solution. There isn’t a one size fits all model. Jul 4, 2016 3:51pm
Sarah Bremick how is she the cause of YOUR problem?
As to things being done to you as an infant/chilld without your permission – well guess what? Things were done to me when I was a child without my permission. I had absolutely NO say in what MY name would be, what my religion would be, what school I went to, where I was to live. All these things were decided upon by my parents until I was old enough to make my life decisions for myself. And I’m not even adopted! · Jul 5, 2016 6:26am
If you’re going to argue for the case of trauma and moral injury Sarah, then you need to find a more relevant criteria. Jul 5, 2016 6:26am
Ruth Herr Sippel Pace exactly. You are not adopted. Your name is the one you were born with. No one removed it and replaced it with another. Your religion was set by what religion your parents had, your school by what area you lived in. My parents did not make these decisions. My purchasers did. Jul 5, 2016 5:35pm
Sarah Bremick Sarah…give it a break! You are not going to change EVERYONE’s opinions or feelings. Many people who adopt or are adoptees are NOT concerned over these issues that are stressing you out.
While I can fully appreciate your feelings AND I am IN agreement that adoption REFORM is needed, there are VALID NEEDS for ADOPTION. Not all adoption are PURCHASES! Sure I paid a legal fee, just like I paid a legal fee for any legal CONTRACT. I adopted my son with my second husband, my son’s natural father didn’t want to pay support! Someone WANTED TO. Someone WANTED TO BE THE FATHER. My son’s NAME was changed…so WHAT! Oh, that doesn’t count because that was a domestic step-parent adoption and the CHILD knew his birth father, BUT…yes his birth certificate was CHANGED. Big deal! And yes, I have a birth sibling that was place INTO adoption, as told in my comment. Ok, I get it, some adoptees don’t like what happened to them…well…get in line and take a number for you are not the only one who doesn’t like what life gave you!
Bottom line is that I, AND anyone else has, the right and freedom to make decisions for ourselves and that INCLUDES adopting ACCORDING to the current LEGAL LAWS. If you want to change the laws DO SO…via the LEGAL METHODS…NOT by trying to make those of us whom believe that adoption is a necessary FUNCTION in the social structure of the HUMAN RACE, into some kind of evil! You really need a different platform to be heard! Jul 5, 2016 6:35pm
Gert Mcqueen your an adopter. You dont get to tell me what I am allowed to feel or say. Jul 8, 2016 7:29pm
Sarah Bremick that’s RIGHT I adopted WITH my second husband MY OWN CHILD THAT I BIRTHED! do you really have a problem with that?? Give a life! There are billions of childred that NEED families! You Sarah, DON’T get to tell me that I am WRONG for ADOPTING. DEAL WITH IT. Jul 8, 2016 7:34pm ·
Sarah Bremick… you ALSO dont get to tell me what I am allowed to feel or say. Jul 8, 2016 9:22pm (liked by Greg Sdeo)
I find it ironic that those who complain about adoptees and birth mothers being silenced are the same ones who attack those whose stories put adoption in a positive light. I’m so sorry Celia that you have fallen into line with other vocal adoptees. Jul 4, 2016 1:20pm
NOW BEFORE we see all of Joan’s comments here is her parting words (in the comments).
…I spent my childhood without my siblings and our father and I blame adoption for that. No amount of love for the people who rasied me (who I called Mom and Dad) can erase the pain of the loss I feel. Loss is trauma…
My question is, if that is true, then why, when she was found, did she sabotage and destroy each and every relationship with members of the birth family, including with our father, and then write two books of lies? Answer, because she hates being adopted so much that she is unable and unwilling to ACCEPT the life and circumstances she was given. She MUST punish everyone in both families for their CRIME against HER.
AND NOW for Joan’s comments…NOTE her agenda, rhetoric and propaganda, her condescending attitude, her insults and browbeating!
I wouldn’t say that here, Sinbad.You have just tread on thin ice. Many women kill themselves, too. Many adopted people, men and women, have ended their lives because of what adoption has done to them. There are those of us who are reading this now who know one or more adopted persons who are no longer with us. And two mothers (of adoption loss) in particular who are crying right now from the suicides of their relinquished daughters. Jun 29, 2016 4:40pm
For me, I understand the Moral Wound of relinquishing mothers and fathers. It goes against nature to give up a child. That is a pain I cannot know for myself. But I do understand it. I also understand the Moral Wound of soldiers in war and returning home. While I did not live this experience, I’ve know many veterans, one was my brother. I was prevented from knowing my own full blood brother during our childhood and was reunited with him one year after he returned from Viet Nam. He died in 2003. You will not get outrage from me over the comparison. The moral choices each had to make are clear to me, are forgivable, and very human. · Jun 29, 2016 4:12pm
Yes, we do need to be heard and respected. Adoptees are ignored, put down, laughed at, ridiculed, treated as children, and dismissed. Our feelings, our experiences, our very lives are judged by others (family, friends, strangers) as being inferior. Jun 29, 2016 2:45pm ·
To … Jennifer —
I will repeat my comment to Celia here so you can reflect upon it. Adoption does, indeed, wound. It further destroyed my family after the death of my mother: In 1956, my mother was dying from cancer while pregnant with me. She died when I was three months old. My father was approached at her funeral by the parrish priest who said, “the baby needs two parents.” My father, being the devout Catholic that he was, followed the priest’s advise. He gave me up for adoption and kept his other four older children. Celia, do not think for one second that adoption did not affect my entire family. It did. When reunited in 1974, my father said he never wanted to givive me up, bbut he was never given any other option. Family preservation was not a consideration, no one asked him if he needed help to keep his family together. The prevailing thought in society at the time was to split up families. While my siblings lived six miles away with our father, I was rasied as an only child. yes, adoption itself, and relinquishement (separation) causes pain. I spent my childhood without my siblings and our father and I blame adoption for that. No amount of love for the people who rasied me (who I called Mom and Dad) can erase the pain of the loss I feel. Loss is trauma.
So, Jennifer, something else you need to know. My adopters were so loving that they lied to me my entire childhood. Sure, I know they were afraid I would leave them if I knew I had siblings living so close by. I know how much they loved me adn I loved them with the innocence and trust of a child. But when I was found in 1974 by my siblings that my adopters knew I had (but did not ever want me to know) I was furious. Turns out that all of my extended adoptive family knew and they were distantly related to my deceased mother. Everyone socialized with each other… the adults, that is. Me and my siblings were kept apart because of the way adoption was handled at that point in time.
And please, spare me any praise for open adoption as the solution. It is not. Adoption still breaks up a family in order to create another.
Now, let’s discuss the matter of adoption’s stronghold on the adotpee’s identity. No child should be forced to lose her or his identity in order to haev a home, if indeed a home is actually needed. Every single adopted person’s birth certificate is sealed upon the finalization of adoption. A new “birth” certifcate is created using adoption information. In reality, the adoptee is not born with the new name and is not sired nor conceive nor gestated nor born to the adotpers. Adoption itself is one big lie after another.
If adoption is so wonderful and does not cause trauma, why lie about it? The indentity of the child should remain intact. The actual birth certificate should remain intact with the parents of actual conception and gestation and birth named for all eternity. Because that is the truth.
Where is the respect for the adopted person as to the worth and dignity of that individual? Where is the respect for the two parents who created that child? There is not respect for these three people in adoption. Jun 29, 2016 3:47pm
To ….Jennifer —
your negative comments about Mirah Riben‘s writing about adoption for many years denegrate not only her, but other adoption reformers who have also been writing for many years. Many have passed on. Instead of negativity, perhaps you, and others commenting here, should look up these books by early adoption experts: “The Adoption Triangle” by Annette Baron and Reuben Pannor, “Shared Fate” by H. David Kirk, “Lost and Found” by Betty Jean Lifton. These authors, and more, wrote about adoption. They helped many, many people understand adoption from the adopted person’s point of view and from the relinquishing parent’s point of view, too. And we must not ever forget Jean Paton, the adoptee who started the adoption reform movement in 1953 with her books “Orphan Voyage” and “The Adopted Break Silence.” I have every one of these books and knew each of these authors personally.
How many of these books have YOU read, Jennifer? Do you know the amount of personal dedication, knowledge base, research, time and effort it takes to write a book? It also takes a trendous amount of courage to put down your thoughts and knowledge into a published article and book because people, like you, criticize. Jun 29, 2016 4:33pm
To… Jennifer Danvers …
The amended birth certificate that is automatically issued after the Final Order of Adoption is granted by family or surrogate court I just that: a birth certificate. It states the child’s new name and the names of two strangers to the child as mother and father. The implication is that this “father” sired this child and this “mother” conceived, gestated, and gave birth to this child. Those are material false facts certified as true on a government issued document. This is the adopted person’s second form of legal identification. The first is the actual birth certificate which is canceled of its legal status, permanently sealed, and replaced by the amended “birth” certificate. The adopted person has no choice in these changes in legal identity documents; all adopted people possess birth certificates that state strangers created them. If an adoptee discovers later in life the name given at birth, a legal name change can restore the name given at birth, but the legal parents are still the ones named on the amended birth certificate.
I legally changed my name from Joan Mary Wheeler back to my name at birth. But my actual birth certificate is still sealed. But my adoptive “parents” are officially my parents as if they sired and birthed me.
This may not be important to you, but it is extremely important to many adopted persons who resent this manipulation of the facts of their births. It is also a total disregard and disrespect to the real mother and father of a real person who was really born to them.
Adoption itself is base on lies from the very beginning of this legal arrangement. This causes a lifetime of problems for the adopted person. This causes a lifetime of problems for the mother who is no longer the legal mother of her child. This mother lives with the torment of relinquishment (moral delemna addressed by this article) and the knowledge that she is the mother but the law erased her name and replaced her name with another woman’s name on her child’s birth certificate. Unless you are a victim of this adoption system, you cannot know the psychological damage caused by adoption. · Jun 30, 2016 8:08am
To…Celia Paddock Malm —
In addition to Mirah’s sugestion that you read “The Pimal Wound” by Nancy Verrier, I suggest Nancy Verrier’s second book: “The Adopted Child Grows Up: Coming Home to Self”. You should also read these books: “Being Adopted: the Lifelong Search for Self,” by David Brodzinsky, Marshal Schechter and Robin Marantz. And: “The Psychology of Adoption” by Brodzinsky and Schechter. Jun 29, 2016 8:31am
To…Celia Paddock Malm —
In 1956, my mother was dying from cancer while pregnant with me. She died when I was three months old. My father was approached at her funeral by the parrish priest who said, “the baby needs two parents.” My father, being the devout Catholic that he was, followed the priest’s advise. He gave me up for adoption and kept his other four older children. Celia, do not think for one second that adoption did not affect my entire family. It did. When reunited in 1974, my father said he never wanted to givive me up, bbut he was never given any other option. Family preservation was not a consideration, no one asked him if he needed help to keep his family together. The prevailing thought in society at the time was to split up families. While my siblings lived six miles away with our father, I was rasied as an only child. yes, adoption itself, and relinquishement (separation) causes pain. I spent my childhood without my siblings and our father and I blame adoption for that. No amount of love for the people who rasied me (who I called Mom and Dad) can erase the pain of the loss I feel. Loss is trauma. Jun 29, 2016 3:29pm
UPDATE OCTOBER 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!
this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.
It’s really embarrassing, and at times, HARD TO WATCH, as she keeps on ‘digging in’ where she ought to just lay down and hide in the sands! Is she really that stupid NOT TO SEE what others are saying about her? Is she that BLIND to what is being said to her, over and over again, and NOT BY BIRTH SIBLINGS! When will this idiot SHUT UP? Never, of course!
Speaking ‘as a reader’, reading the comments, of Joan’s and others, I FELT the humiliation that Joan OUGHT to feel but doesn’t! She is totally unaware of how she is coming across! She comes across as a totally out-there nut-job on the outer fringes! When faced with an opposing view she attacks and when called out on it…well she attacks again. This is no way to gain support for one’s agendas! But she doesn’t care! She is right, the entire world is wrong! And, she will NOT be denied her say! I have blogged about this over and over again and will continue to do so.
The following is from June 2015…just after Joan’s NEW revised book was made available. In fact, I purchased it on June 12, 2015, just DAYS after I wrote a comment here! Joan will NEVER be anything but what she IS, a crazy nut job…SHE is the only one that doesn’t know it!
I can’t image her EVER being a speaker for she CAN’T hold it together in anonymous computer exchanges! In person she’d probably be dragged away, as she screams and kicks!
The contents of the news story can speak for itself; the link is…
I may have ‘missed’ a full comment, here and there, and certainly didn’t capture all of them. The intent here is to SHOW Joan at her BEST. There was a commenter named Bella Tweeter, but apparently her comments were removed, by reading the comments I’m assuming she was more radical than Joan.
I also have kept Joan’s Facebook ‘description’ ‘Owner-operator at Self-Employed’ on each of her comments, because it also shows her NEED to appear superior to others! Remember, she’s on permanent disability and believes she can earn big bucks selling fabricated stories about other peoples’ lives…like mine and the rest of my family!
Now to begin…at some point in reading the comments I decided to write a comment. I could have written another, but, as you will read, there’s no point! I start out with MY comment…
It should be known that Joan Mary Wheeler is an ‘adoption abolitionist’, she is totally anti-adoption. In other words, there is NO NEED for adoption, for any reason, period, end of story, don’t attempt to argue any reasonable argument, she will ALWAYS find fault with adoption! I should know for she went after me for ADOPTING.
You know the saying??? You cannot have a reasonable dialogue with a drunk, nor a mentally impaired person, nor someone who is so convinced of their position that they are BLIND to reality!
We see her ‘side-stepping and kissing a…’ around those that are anti-adoption but ARE NOT as extreme in their positions as Joan is…( With all due respect Sandy, I know you mean well… I’m not mad at you, Sandy. I simply felt like responding and explaining so that others could see that adoption is never a good choice.) Who does she (Joan) thinks she kidding? Joan has a hatred of fire that will never be put out!
Joan also says… Adoption is very damaging. It is never done “correctly.” There is always loss to deal with.
I agree!!…but adoption is NOT the enemy! There are many many rightful needs FOR ADOPTION. I adopted, but Joan didn’t like that! Need I tell why?
Joan asks…Why was I let go? Why wasn’t I kept?
Because there was NO ONE in the family that could take her! Period! Father’s second wife REFUSED her, as infant, there were six others, father had to make (Joan) psychologically dead in his mind to ‘let her go’. Guardianship DOES NOT work. And believe me, Joan would not have liked the life the rest of us had! Check my blog on wordpress for further information. · Jun 6, 2015 10:53pm
Bella Tweeter how about worrying about taking that gigantic chip off of your shoulder, it seems to be quite worrisome for you. Jun 8, 2015 10:03am
Sonia, how about YOU give up your kids, never see them again, and a stranger is then declared by legal decree that she is their mother by birth on a new birth certificate? You might change your tune if you lost your child that you never wanted to give up but were coerced into doing it because you lacked supports to keep your child. Jun 8, 2015 1:40pm · Edited
Joan, joan, joan… why would Sonia do that? After all, she’s a good mother. She’s not one of ‘those’ mothers… who give up their kids by choice and never look back. The scary thing is that she claims to be a social worker!!! See, even educated people can have very uneducated positions when it doesn’t suit their purpose. · Jun 9, 2015 1:00am
Sonia – I have big news for you: mothers and fathers who relinquish their babies to adoption do so because there are no other choices. And, many babies are stolen at birth. I have 41 years years experience in adoption reform. Very well educated. It is you all who are not educated into all of the complexities of adoption. You paint all relinquishing mothers as bad mothers. They are not. You are very ignorant. As a social worker, you could very well, indeed, be trained to take babies away from their mothers and fathers. I know your kind. I am the other kind of social worker: one who fosters strengthening the family unit, setting goals in family preservation, rather than in permanently separating families by adoption. · Jun 10, 2015 11:49am · Edited
Or, perhaps there should be more assistance available to these young mothers so that their backs are NOT against the wall, poverty is NOT their only outcome and desperation is NOT the push that forces them to be nothing more than vessels for breeding for others. No, this choice should NOT be made more often. It should be made even less often than it is and should only be for the most dire of circumstances, when there are no other options such as death or heinous abuse. Adoption was never intended to be a way for infertile women to find a baby to satisfy their need, but a home for orphan children to find a loving home. Society has morphed the intent out of all recognition with a business model and a plan! Jun 6, 2015 1:39pm
Sandy Young With all due respect Sandy, I know you mean well, but full orphans do not need adoption. Full orphans (with both parents dead) and half orphans (with only one parent dead) do have other family. They are not born in a vacuum. As you know (!) kinship care and then guardianship are far better choices than adoption. Even adoption by, say, an older sibling, an aunt, or a grandparent is not advisable. When relatives adopt the child of a relative, family relations change legally. Grandmother becomes mother, aunts and uncles become sisters and brothers to the adoptee.
When guardianship is chosen, the child retains their name at birth, their place in the family of birth, and visitation is guided by the courts for the best interest of the child. None of that exists in adoption. In adoption, in order to have a family, the adoptee must surrender their natural born identity. The parents by adoption are named on a new birth certificate as if they sired and gave birth to the adoptee. This is an outright lie.
I am a half orphan. My mother died when I was three months old. I had a family. I did not need a new one. Adoption displaced me from one and resettled me into another. My actual birth certificate is sealed forever. My legal birth certificate states a woman gave birth to me in the hospital, yet it was physically impossible for her to give birth.
I’m not mad at you, Sandy. I simply felt like responding and explaining so that others could see that adoption is never a good choice. Take away the government seizing and sealing actual birth certificates of adoptees, take away new, amended – falsified – birth certificates and what do you have? Guardianship. · Jun 6, 2015 7:49pm
Joan Wheeler, you are right, of course. Jun 6, 2015 10:26pm
Diana Clark —
Society needs to stop putting these labels on young and vulnerable mothers.
Adoption agencies do not call pregnant women mothers, they call pregnant women “birthmothers” because it is a form of brainwashing to convince the young, poor and uninformed pregnant woman that she does not have the strength, the income, the ability to be a parent to her soon-to-be-born infant.
Calling a woman a “super woman” because she gave up her child reinforces the concept that it is natural and normal and brave and courageous and selfless to do so. If giving up your baby is all of those things, then ALL mothers should be forced by law to give up their babies at birth to a stranger.
Everyone these days is too poor or otherwise dysfunctional to raise their own children. Babies will do far better in the homes of strangers where they will receive better education, better food, better moral upbringing in the religion of the new parents and the customs of the new family.
When all parents are required by law to give away all of their children they gave birth to, then society will be equal. We will all be raising childre who were born to someone else. We will all have falsified birth certificates to prove these kids are ours. No one will care about DNA and inherited medical conditions that “run in the family” because it will be against the law for anyone to know. Nor will we care about ancestry or even recognizing family members by their physical appearance to match our own.
Then, all mothers will be “super women” as all mothers will be forced to have their newborns removed from them at the moment of birth and all mothers will then receive newborns of a stranger. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me! Gonna be the first to sign up Diana Clark?
No wait, it isn’t voluntary. Your doctor will comply with the law and remove your newborn as soon as you push that baby out. You won’t even hear your baby cry because, you are told, this isn’t your baby. Jun 8, 2015 8:13am
Joan Mary Wheeler You sound like you have had a bitter experience with adoption. Jun 8, 2015 10:16am
Diana Clark Listen sister, I didn’t have “a bitter experience” with adoption – I had a whole lifetime of a series of bad experiences with so-called loving adoptive family harassing me for accepting a phone call that reunited me with my blood kin in 1974 when I was 18. I know more about adoption than all of you commenting here. Keep throwing insults. That shows how very little you actually know about adoption psychology, adoption law, and human relationships. See that piece of paper I am holding? It is is my sealed original birth certificate with my name and parents of birth named on it. How about standing up for adoptees’ civil rights to the truth of births? So you say you are an honest person? No honest person in their right mind would say it is logical and moral and ethical to issue every single adoptee a falsified birth certificate upon the finalization of adoption. Jun 8, 2015 1:36pm
Joan Mary Wheeler In what way did I throw an insult? “So you say you are an honest person? No honest person in their right mind would say it is logical and moral and ethical to issue every single adoptee a falsified birth certificate upon the finalization of adoption.” To what in my posts or replies are you referring? · Jun 8, 2015 1:39pm
The very fact that you insulted me by saying the tired phrase “you had a bitter experience”. I’ll tell you my bitter experience – the government stole my identity to give me a “better life”. Evey single adoptee suffers identity theft when the government confiscates their birth certificates upon adoption and then issues a brand new one that is totally false. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt by saying you are an honest person. Take a good long look at the end result of identity theft upon adoption. And then, when you examine your conscience, explain how you can condone the theft of millions of birth certificates from innocent children who must grow up using these false birth certificates as the basis of their identity documents until they die. If adoption was an honest institution, it would not require its victims to involuntarily lose their actual birth certificates for life, then demand that they carry around a false birth certificate as if they were sired and birthed by two people who had nothing to do with creating life. … When sealed and falsified birth certificates of adoptees are removed from the adoption process, the end result is: GUARDIANSHIP and NOT ADOPTION. The child who needs a home and a family retains their identity and place int he family of birth while being cared for by parental figures. · Jun 11, 2015 1:25pm · Edited
I think Bella Tweeter needs therapy.· Jun 8, 2015 3:44am
Calvin Bernard III — This is the problem in society — when people judge women who speak out against the crime of convincing a mother that the best thing she can do is to give up her baby.
Calvin, you are a man. Men do not get pregnant.
You have no idea what has happened historically to pregnant women who are vulnerable. Babies have been stolen at birth while their mothers were chained to beds giving birth. Women today are told that they cannot raise their own children. Until you are faced with the theft of your baby, you do not know how it feels.
I am an adoptee, not a mother of adoption loss, yet, I am educated in adoption law, adoption psychology and sociology. I have 41 years of personal experience in adoption trauma. I am also a social worker and a social activist.
You, on the other hand, are a man who has – obviously – no personal experience and no professional experience in being a father whose child was lost to adoption, or being an adoptee.
A good place to start your education is to take a good long look at what happened to African slave women brought to early America. Their babies were stolen from them and sold to other slave traders. Where do you think the terms “placed for adoption” and “put up for adoption” came from? This is language straight from the slave-trading days when human beings were “put up” on a stage so that their new owners could look them over to pick one or several to buy.
Another term: “freed for adoption” — We “free” children for other people to adopt them by terminating parental rights. Adoption is a business, just like slave trading was a business. Jun 8, 2015 8:33am
Calvin – Here is a quote from your own Facebook wall:
“Expecting marginalized peoples to disregard their own emotions to calmly educate you is the epitome of entitlement” – by Sola Bamis.
Mothers of adoption loss, and adoptees, are marginalized peoples.
Black people were/are marginalized in America, the land of the free.
I stand for your equality, so why do you mock someone who states her own trauma from her own experience of losing her child to adoption? · Jun 8, 2015 8:47am
Joan Mary Wheeler No, YOU are the problem in society. First, therapy isn’t a bad thing, so please stop stigmatizing mental health issues. She DOES need therapy— she’s going out of her to express how traumatizing this experience was for her on a public (linked to FB) social media forum. She has over a dozen posts below, crying out for help. What would you recommend? The catharsis of FB likes? Get a clue.
No one judged her. You judged me for being a man, and then at the end threw slavery in there like you were trying to pull at my heartstrings, but my family is from the Isles. We weren’t slaves, so that’s your history, not mine. Also, you have no idea what I have ideas about. So stop that. Stop with the black people commentaries and stop demeaning my assessment because I am a man.
No one mocked her, but you have made clear that you have some issues with men and a strange obsession with African American history. Which is fine. That’s your business. I don’t owe you anything.
I stand by that it is unhealthy for Tweeter Bella to continue to post these kinds of messages in a public forum, and will restate that she needs to get some professional help to navigate these obviously difficult emotions. Seeing as to how you are also of the belief that demoralizing and attacking people and negating their personal experience on social media is a route to your own sufficiency and healing, I would suggest that you do too. Jun 8, 2015 3:06pm
Calvin Bernard III I do not have a strange obsession with African American history. I know that modern adoption has aspects of the slave trade, which I pointed out.
And yes, knowing full well that you might not be of African American descent I said it anyway to make the point. I am not the only one; those of us who have been traded from one family into the other know all too well that we have little value. Our ownership papers are our adoption decrees. Without adoption papers and without changing our birth certificates, the process of providing homes for children who need homes would be call…See More Jun 8, 2015 11:36pm
Joan Mary Wheeler, Notice how I created my own comment. Notice I did not join in. You gleaned whatever you wanted to, based on your painful history. Healthy people don’t do that. Just admit you were wrong here, apologize and move on. I’m not people who attacked he… Go find ways to marginalize those people— not me. I’m sorry that you’ve had a tough time with nasty relatives. I’m not your relative. Go talk to them. Go minimize them.
Therapy is healing. Posting random and nullifying comments on social media is not. Notice I never attacked you, belittled you for your gender, or threw your race back at you. I’m a healed person. You obviously need healing too. Rather than go on and on, I’ll just leave this here. Jun 9, 2015 4:34pm
Calvin: Your comment: “I think Bella Tweeter needs therapy” came across as mean and callous. It was insulting to Bella. It is the way you said what you said that made me write in defense. You came across as mean and unthinking by leaving a one-liner.
I absolutely know therapy is healing! Been in therapy to straighten out the hate spewed at me by my screwed up families. I don’t have to minimize my relatives – they did that to me. All I need to do is separate myself from them and never let them back into my life again. They are the abusers. Both adoptive and natural family. I have no use for relatives who mistreated me. They are out of my life for good. I have only positive people in my life now.
You and others may not understand what I write here. I have bee an adoptee rights activist and defender of mothers of adoption loss for 41 years. I know my stuff, more than the average person.
The reason I brought up slavery is to show the parallels between slavery and adoption. Both are methods of human trafficking. Both are horrendous crimes against the people who are trafficked and owned buy other humans.
We ended slavery, but continue to supply the babies of vulnerable women to wealthy couples who covet the children of others. And then, as witnessed by some commenters here, some people complain that “these women” freely give away their children to adoption without a care in the world, which, is of course, not true for all cases. As I’ve stated in another comment, during the 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s, mothers were chained to beds while giving birth. Their babies were stolen at the moment of birth and sold into adoption. Today, mothers are convinced that they are inferior and cannot be good parents to their babies. Adoption agencies make their money, big money, in the baby-trade business. Those are facts.
Adoption agencies also convince young mothers that they do not have to tell the father that they are relinquishing his child to adoption. I, and other activists, defend those fathers to get their babies back from illegal adoptions. But adoptive parents are selfish. They ignore fathers rights and push the adoptions through because they want the baby. This is human trafficking. Jun 10, 2015 11:42am
Joan Mary Wheeler, You interpret things the way you see things. If you see (black) men as mean and calloused, then that is the perspective in which you siphon what is said. Seeing as to how much prejudice and bias is tearing this country apart, it would behoove you to err on the side of grace, not accusation.
I don’t care about your relatives. That’s your problem. Discuss it in therapy. I don’t care about your causes. Those are your issues. Discuss it in therapy. I don’t want to talk to you about slavery. Discuss it with your therapist. I don’t care about other commenters. Discuss it with them. I don’t care what you think about adoptive parents. I don’t care about your other comments. I started my own comment and you attacked me for things out of my control: being black and being a man. I never attacked anyone. You attacked me on my comment because of your ugly bias and ignorance AND you stigmatized mental health.
I do care about the fact that you have continued to spit your vitrol and attack me here over and over. If I belittled your opinion out the gate because you’re a woman, I’d have dozens of people attacking me, and rightfully so. That’s not right, Joan. The fact that you keep on harping and harping makes YOU the abuser here.· Jun 10, 2015 4:10pm · Edited
I never said I see black men as mean and callous. Those are your words. I brought up slavery to point out the parallels between slavery and modern adoption.
You came on here, left a one-liner comment that marginalized a woman who lost her child to adoption. All of her statements on here are valid – I know because I know hundreds of women in her shoes. Yes, women who lose their children to adoption do suffer the rest of their lives and do need therapy, but that does not give you the right to leave a one-liner snide comment that wreaked of put-down rather than compassion. Since I have more experience in adoption reform that you do (you have none) I spoke up in her defense.
Since adoption has life-long detrimental affects on both the relinquishing parent and on the adoptee, that is proof that the institute of adoption needs to be abolished. Just as slavery was abolished. Human trafficking – taking the babies of the poor to redistribute to the rich – is a system of abuse that benefits the adoptive parents. Adoptees who do not yet know how adoption will affect them throughout their lifetimes, often times are “happy and “well-adjusted”. Until something happens. The rest of us, I guess, are not well-adjusted, according to popular opinion here.
You can have your opinion that I am the attacker. Let the readers decide. Jun 11, 2015 1:40pm
LMAOOOOO, Lady— you don’t know what I have experience in! And there are no readers, ha! No one is reading this thread but you and I and you aren’t woman enough to apologize to me. Keep trolling for likes and spilling your guts on social media, though. Good luck. Jun 15, 2015 7:10pm
I have been an adoptee rights activist for 41 years. I know my stuff, big boy. Get a life. i got mine. And mine involves telling the truth about adoption. Which is what the activists have done on this site. · Jun 16, 2015 8:33pm
Not every “birth” mother wants to be a mother. For anyone who thinks each and every birth mother is sobbing every day you are SO WRONG! There are those who don’t look back and could not be happier with their decision. So how about quitting with the attempted little guilt trips some of you are spouting off about, it’s ridiculous and just highlights the big chip on your shoulder. Jun 8, 2015 10:10am
I dare you to show up at a four-day adoption conference filled with adoptees and mothers of adoption loss. It is YOU Sonia who have an entitlement chip on your shoulder. I am a social worker and have worked with mothers in a homeless shelter. One mother’s three children were removed from her care because she did not have emotional awareness to care for them. There are mothers and fathers who only care about themselves because they haven’t been taught how to care for themselves let alone their own child, they have poor parenting skills, or have severe mental illness. I’ve worked with these people, too. To be a social worker means that one needs to have empathy for other humans. You, Sonia, only care about yourself. You sound like a self-centered woman who believes another woman owes you her child. Jun 8, 2015 11:51pm · Edited
Joan Mary Wheeler So are you saying every woman wants to be a mother and a good one? LOL really? Hmmm….I wonder how all of those children that are abused, abandoned and killed by their mothers would feel about that statement. I wonder if they would agree with you? Jun 8, 2015 2:53pm
Joan Mary Wheeler OH and I HAVE been to adoption conferences, last November actually. And yes, I DO know about what happens to children, both good and bad. You seem to be under the misguided idea that everyone is good, at least all women are. You feel that all women are sweet, kind and motherly. Not so, and the fact that you are making such a broad and general blanket term about an entire gender tells me that I am wasting my time with you. Good day. Jun 8, 2015 2:56pm
So Sonia, it’s only mothers who don’t want to be mothers who give away their children? It’s only mothers who can’t be ‘good’ mothers who give away their children? There are so many mothers out there who ‘don’t look back’ and are actually ‘happy’ with giving away their children? What planet do you live on? While not every mother wants to be a mother, but those that are ALL want to be good ones. Some can, some can’t… why is that even relevant to the adoption industry? Oh, that’s right, it’s the evil, abusive, mentally ill, poor mothers who have little power who can be coerced into relinquishing. Show me a thrilled mother who has lost a child to adoption and hasn’t looked back, and I’ll show you you’re a liar. Stop perpetuating the myth that the dysfunctional mothers are those who relinquish. Clearly you had your blindfold and ear plugs in when you went to the adoption conference. Jun 8, 2015 9:18pm
Sonia Silveroli How many adoptees are killed by their adoptive parents? Too many. And no, I did not say that all woman are good and sweet. You are the entitled self-centered woman who came on here to insult mothers of adoption loss. I defended them. What kind of adoption conference did you attend? American Adoption Conference filled with adoption reform activists? Or one filled with baby-hungry adoptive parents, pre-adoptive parents and adoption agencies? Jun 8, 2015 11:16pm · Edited
Joan would NEVER be able to speak, in person, to anyone, the way she does ON LINE! Because of one, she’s a coward, and two…she’d get a punch in the face!
THAT’S ALL FOLKS! For now that is…for Joan will ALWAYS BE BACK