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Reclaiming our Family Honor!

Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!

Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om


UPDATE July 2015 added an LinkedIn account with a post

UPDATE March 2015 this post sums up the TRUE story of our family versus the ‘point of view’ of Joan Wheeler.

Update November 2014

The purpose of this blog is about exposing all the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family and telling the truth of myself and my family.

It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler.

Our commentary and reporting is our business.

The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.

This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT conceived in 1954, when this family picture was taken and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.

Yep, the worst thing Joan Wheeler ever did was to publish that lying book. Now she will have to live with that dead book tied around her neck until we set everything in it straight and right and it starts to stink and rot OR she decides to make it right and remove ALL references to Forbidden Family on her two web sites and apology to us siblings and our parents!
Warning…the contents of this blog are not suitable for young impressible minds or for people who believe everything Joan Wheeler has said or written. Believe her at your own risk! She is a user of people!
see joint post of Gert and Ruth
update of February 2014…Joan has still NOT answered any of our charges against her…in fact when asked directly she runs and hides away, or screams that we are harassing her…so we shall continue on until she answers to the dirty deeds and words she has said and deeds she has done. Joan still has NOT removed her hate blogs against us or gotten her friends to get rid of theirs, so we shall just carry on. Everything Joan and her friends have done to the birth family are part of the historical record.

Wow, 4 years already! and more to come! because Joan M Wheeler, duped by adoption, keeps on yanking away

Yep…Just when I was getting all those BACK FILES under control…well actually no, I have lots of files I haven’t seen in…ah four years!

Joan does have diarrhea of the mouth and thinks she is untouchable. Nope, she’s only human as we all are. Now that she has published her NEW revised book she’s flying HIGH. She’s in for a huge fall!

All in good time! Stay tuned, same station and A NEW ONE COMING!

and remember…where I live the winters are long…that means I have more time to write ALL about Joan M Wheeler and answer all she has to say! After four years of blogging, I’ve only JUST BEGAN to discredit this liar and exploiter of my family!


  1. 4 Year Anniversary Achievement
    Happy Anniversary with!
    You registered on 4 years ago!
    Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging!

How the sneaky dangerous #adoptee Joan M Wheeler, Duped by Adoption, operates, be it on public platforms, behind the scenes or in libelous and slanderous ways. … with apology from Gert for my ASS U ME (my assumption was wrong)

I do apology for my lack of judgement when I stated that the screen name of ‘Denied My Rights’ was Joan M Wheeler. See comments below from Denied My Rights and my apology and explanation of events of why I assumed what I assumed.

We all know that Joan’s first book was pulled for libelous contents. She then started working on a 2nd edition and created another site;  Fine, knock yourself out.

I found the new version, in e-book format, in June 2015. It was published and placed on Amazon in May 2015. Ruth and I have been going over it and will address it as we did in the first one. We were WONDERING why she hadn’t announced it! Well she had a plan, but first she had to make a power play. Only time will tell, but my bet is on ‘she’ll lose’ cause she is DANGEROUS.

Using Joan’s own mocking ways, as she has in the book, when she attempts to teach people, she says, ‘the word is ‘adoptee’, you can say it, A, D, O, P, T, E, E…good’. Well now folks, remember Joan M Wheeler is ‘D,A,N,G,E,R,O,U,S.’   If I had the time right now I’d find the reference in both versions of the book but…not right now.

The first item to present here is referencing this post on Ruth’s blog for background.

Joan Mary Wheeler engages in personal attacks against someone who she disagrees with and is taken to task! June 18, 2015

The second item to present is the referencing news article

What follows, here, is a dialogue with one called ‘Denied My Rights’…who is Joan M Wheeler. As soon as I read her comments, and knowing the back ground of the attack she did to another, there was NO doubt in my mind and so I decided to ‘play along’ with Denied! Enjoy!

Denied My Rights says: June 27, 2015 at 8:58 pm

Nothing taken out of context, Joyce. I just will not accept defeat before the bill is signed into law. I think as a leader in adoption reform, you should be encouraging people to unite with one voice and demand justice rather than playing the naysayer and proclaiming it a done deal. You said it was going to pass before the Senate adjournment and that did not happen due to the other Lobby’s efforts to unite people to voice their concerns. It appears that you do not have the stomach to lead this anymore, so please do us all a favor and step down from your leadership role if you are not going to lead with strength and professionalism.

gertmcqueen says: July 15, 2015 at 7:56 am

So ‘Denied My Rights’… whom do you suggest should take over the leadership? Yourself? What qualifications of ‘strength and professionalism’ do YOU have? What is your game plan?

Denied My Rights says: July 15, 2015 at 12:49 pm

No, there IS another lobby group already working in Albany; New York Adoptee Equality. The group is co-run by two adoptees who are attorneys with successful practices in their own right. They have done a much better job at lobbying NY in their short tenure than UI and Joyce Bahr have done in the many years preceding. Their track record for making inroads with legislators speaks for itself. They have my full support and my efforts will be conducted with them.

gertmcqueen says  July 15, 2015 at 10:34 pm

Denied My Rights… really there’s another group! I haven’t heard about them, there’s tons of lawyers out there you know! Who are THEY? What have they DONE at lobbying? TELL ME! I want specifics! I want DETAILS! What are their NAMES? What lobbying have they done? I want to KNOW their track record so PLEASE give me details! I’m sure they have YOUR support BUT I don’t even know their NAMES! Tell me, Denied My Rights…so I can give my support!

Bredna says: July 16, 2015 at 11:56 am  yes – inquiring minds want to know – names and qualifications please. I never throw my support blindly to something until I know who I am dealing with.

Denied My Rights says: July 16, 2015 at 12:04 pm If you want to know about the other lobby group, look them up. New York State Adoptee Equality.

gertmcqueen says: July 16, 2015 at 2:17 pm

Denied My Rights… Do you know who wrote the following?

“In June of 2014, a group of angry, disgruntled misfit adoptees banded together to form their own activist organization after the NY Legislature slapped a chokehold on the existing Adoptees’ Bill of Rights two days before the bill came up for a vote. In what should have been a vote to give adoptees permission to receive uncertified copies of their sealed birth certificate, NY adoptees roes up, called their legislators to kill the bill. The bill was indeed killed, resulting in yet another year of wasted effort by adoptee activists. Better this than to have a law that would give a small group of hysterical birthmothers, judges, and adoption agencies their way, to claim that ‘birth’ parents have the right to remain anonymous and to redact their names from the released birth certificate and to prevent adoptees from contacting them. The new adoptee lobby group, NY state Adoptee Equality, can be found on facebook and twitter at @NYAdoptEquality.”

Denied My Rights says: July 16, 2015 at 2:40 pm  Nope.

Denied My Rights says: July 16, 2015 at 2:45 pm And I cannot find this quote anywhere. Where did you find that quote? It might help find out who wrote it.

Denied My Rights says: July 16, 2015 at 2:49 pm

And, from their description, I can assume that they are not supporters of equal rights for adoptees.

elmer says: July 16, 2015 at 4:51 pm

So am I correct that your view is that the birth mother has no rights? Isn’t it a situation where rights have to be balanced?

gertmcqueen says: July 16, 2015 at 7:23 pm

Denied My Right… humm really! I found the quote in a new e-book, Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption, By Joan Mary Wheeler Published May 2016 quote is in Chapter 52 ‘recommendations for change’ location 8024

‘elmer’… I don’t know to whom you are addressing those questions. I just presented the quote, seeing that ‘denied my rights’ seemed to know about them but apparently could not recognize the quote I quoted. I have given my source and have no official opinion on the questions.

Denied did not reply to me but only to Elmer.

Denied My Rights says: July 16, 2015 at 7:44 pm

Hi Elmer. Actually, no. The original legislation was a balance of rights. There was a contact preference form for both the natural mother and the adoptee that would all the parties to designate if they wanted contact, did not want contact, or wanted contact only through an intermediary. The adoptee would still receive an uncertified copy of their original birth certificate, and the natural parents had the right to ask for no contact and provide updated medical information to the adoptee. It was a great piece of legislation.

End of comments…

Now within hours Joan M Wheeler puts out a couple of news releases on her web site and this new site.

We will get back to this is a moment…

So I go back to the news article and submitted again…perhaps it will be published perhaps not but here it is…

gertmcqueen says:  Your comment is awaiting moderation.

July 17, 2015 at 10:03 pm

Denied My Rights…it truly must be a coincidence (wink, wink) but once I told you the source of the quote, that you said you could NOT find anywhere, within hours, amazingly the author Joan M Wheeler announced the ebook WORLDWIDE! I’m sure the book will help adoptees around the world, RECIEVE their OBCs…including my own adult adopted child. I want to thank you and your group for helping so many!

Now back to Joan’s worldwide announcement of her 2nd libelous book. I placed a review of my own on Amazon, and guess what? Anything on Amazon goes WORLDWIDE by its own…Joan is a drama queen. She doesn’t make her announcement go, Amazon does.

She played coy on the news article site; nope, don’t know, can’t find it, bah bah bah! Asshole! But the second she read my comment quoting her she knew I KNEW. So she ignores me and plows ahead with poor Elmer!


The cat is OUT OF THE BAG. Joan Wheeler is still a liar, doesn’t matter how many books she does, she still is a liar and a sneaky and a bully.


  1. I am denied my rights permalink

    Gert, actually, I am “denied my rights” and I am most definitely NOT Joan Wheeler. I don’t know what you think you knew, but I am just another adoptee fighting for my OBC. You have my identity all wrong. If you search my IP address, you will see that I do not even live in NY. I live in PA, so I cannot be your sister, Joan Wheeler. Seeing as how you have a history of publishing quotes and slanderous comments about others who you think have somehow wronged you, I will just stay anonymously: Denied my rights. You should not have assumed what you were not sure of. I think we all know what happens when you ASS U ME.

  2. 1) I’m sincerely very sorry that I ‘jumped’ to conclusions saying that ‘Denied My Rights’ (screen name) is Joan M Wheeler; it is NOT. I also was admonished and warned by the editor of the news article. I have apologized to her as well. I did make an error in judgement for that I am sorry.

    2) My only excuse is that the words, tune and inflection, of what ‘denied my rights’ wrote sounds just like Joan M Wheeler.
    I have seen both UI and NYSAE (New York State Adoptee Equality) pages; facebook, blog, twitter etc. in the past so I knew of their presence. This is their statement of who they are…

    ‘We are a group run by Adoptees. We work for reform on adoption laws that keep us from equal access under the law. We are grassroots by & for Adoptees with no political affiliations, also administered by committees, not by administrators.”

    (Hope I don’t get into further trouble by quoting and giving source reference as I did when I quoted Joan M Wheeler and gave the source as her book.)

    When ‘denied my rights’ would NOT answer my questions, about what alternative there was, if the leadership of UI was not acceptable, as they were calling for that leadership to step down, I became suspicious (ie thinking it was Joan). I also felt that I was being snubbed because I use my name and ‘adoptees’ don’t like me because I speak out about Joan M Wheeler. Okay, if the shoe fits. In any event, that added to my suspicious that it was Joan. I thought that by asking WHAT NYSAE offered they would be forthcoming with their platform. When ‘denied my rights’ questioned me about the quote and asked where I found it, I believed that ‘Joan’ was being coy and cute; her traditional way of doing things when she is ‘caught’.

    3) when it was brought to my attention that Joan M Wheeler first started the public attack against the leadership of UI, I KNEW that I had read something that Joan had written about a new organization in that new ebook of hers.

    4) I had purchased Joan’s new book in June and have been reading and taking notes.
    So I went back to the book and got the quote that Joan wrote about NYSAE. That quote led me to believe that not only did she know about the organization but that she was part of it. I then went back to their sites to get a better understanding. I did not see Joan’s name anywhere there, but, NYSAE seemed to have the same MO and argumentative tunes that Joan has.
    Obviously, after the fact, Joan was speaking, in her book, only about herself and as always misrepresented her involvement in the movement. I cannot be held responsible for Joan’s misrepresenting everyone and everything.

    5) This blog post was written after Joan posted her announcement of the ebook, within 2 hours after my comment, where I gave source and author, appeared on the news article. I had tweeted this post, as I did my comments on the news article because I KNOW that Joan and some other adoptees look at my stuff; again if the shoe fits!

    6) This instant announcement, of a new book that has been out since May, led me to believe that once Joan saw my comment with her words and source, she immediately put the announcement out; trying to ‘cover her ass’. She knew she had to scramble to announce it because she saw that I was ahead of her. I had the book and she was waiting, and had been baiting, to see if I and Ruth had the book. Again this is her typical MO. I don’t believe in coincidences

    7) My conclusion was that Joan was ‘denied my rights’. I was, and am wrong, as I have been notified both my ‘Denied My Rights’ and the editor of the news article. Again I apology for jumping the gun!

    8) But there was some pretty convincing circumstantial evidence. It seems to me that NYSAE needs to do some housekeeping of its own! Perhaps remove some rogue elements that led others, beside me, who will NOW read about them in that ebook, and jump to the same conclusions as I did myself. You cannot blame me for what one of your own wrote in an already proven ‘libelous’ book. This is a perfect example of just how Joan M Wheeler muddies the waters, alters reality according to her perspective and confuses others and causing more problems for the CAUSE of adoption reform.

    9) I still stand by my assessment….Joan M Wheeler is a dangerous one!

    10) and I stand by my apology to ‘Denied My Rights’.

    I stand with Gert on this – everyone can make a mistake. And yes, ‘Denied’ has every right to call Gert out on it, and even use the adage of what happens when you ASSUME something.
    What Denied’ does NOT have a right to do is say this: ” Seeing as how you have a history of publishing quotes and slanderous comments about others who you think have somehow wronged you, ” Gert, and I, have no need to lie, as we have obtained screenshots of things, and on both our blogs, I have posted actual police and court documents that prove Joan Wheeler has lied about us.

    I think ‘Denied’ has some explaining to do on that point as it would appear that ‘Denied’ has done some ASS-uming here herself/himself.

    As to their challenge of checking the IP address – I did just that at a reliable IP Lookup site and the IP address came back as “invalid.” They could have been using a proxy site. So I googled the name on the email they used – ‘D. Currao’ using the search term “D. Currao adoption,” and came up with this person through the numerous Google results, including her facebook page:

    Joanne Pagnotta Currao aka Tracey McCullough Currao – no “D” Currao. She is apparantly using both her birth name and adopted name – but I don’t know which is which. And she is from Philadelphia.

    Viewing her facebook page tells me all I need to know. She is of the same mindset as Joan, many of her statements are of the same tone and rhetoric as Joan and she is also condemning the woman who some angry adoptees are assuming sold them down the river over that bill that came up in Albany last month.

    Is Joanne Pagnotta Currao aka Tracey McCullough Currao the same person as ‘D. Currao?’ I can’t say 100% for sure – there is no D in Joanne/Tracey’s name, but that doesn’t mean a thing. This isn’t the first time someone placed a comment on our blogs using a fictitious name and fictitious email address. One Susan Thompson Underdahl did that and thought she was slick by using a fake email address for one comment on our blog, then then six months later used another fake name, but her real email address, for another comment and she got caught because the IP addresses both showed up the same.

    ‘Denied’s’ statement (and I quote it again) “Seeing as how you have a history of publishing quotes and slanderous comments about others who you think have somehow wronged you, ” is the same kind of ‘denial’ crap both Gert and I were getting a few years ago from many angry adoptees on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum, whose members routinely used proxy sites to post their spams and obscene comments on many pro-adoption sites and my own blog.

    I am wondering ifJoanne Pagnotta Currao aka Tracey McCullough Currao and ‘Denied’ were/are still members of that forum. Always ASS-uming that only THEIR perception of things are right and condemning me and Gert for daring to speak the truth of OUR OWN CHILDHOODS AND LIVES – after seeing Joan Wheeler’s LIES on numerous places on the internet. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – if Joan Wheeler can write lies about MY life, then I have the right to tell the TRUTH about my own damn life. And ‘Denied’ or any other angry adoptee/buddy of Joan Wheeler can NOT tell me that I don’t have the right to do so.

    And I back every thing I say with actual proof – not only with screenshots, but with police and court documents, actual letters and their envelopes, typed and hand-written by Joan Wheeler herself – and those documents are on my blog.


    one last thought and message to Joann, born Tracy, married to Dino. (cute, using your husband’s initial and/or email) – that I found all this out via PUBLIC internet, bears out what I said in my previous comment – that Gert and I have no NEED to lie or make false statements about ANY body, including Joan Wheeler. We see something on the internet, and answer it – just like millions of other people. Don’t like it Joann-Tracy-Dino, from Philadelphia? Then get off the internet. Have a nice day.

Joan Mary Wheeler, always the suck up, tries to gain the attention of a true ‘founder’ of adoption reform!

People really don’t know Joan Wheeler, let alone understand her. We, the birth siblings, have known and seen the real Joan, we were her FIRST victims! And because we share the same parents we are forever her VICTIMS!

Joan works herself up over the ‘visions’ she has of becoming a world renown ‘adoption reform activist’. She claims she is, a reform activist, but in really she just is a hateful person that hates adoption, going after anyone who adopts. Is that what adoption reformers do?

She thinks that she can gain ‘national’ attention by sucking up to others, hanging on their shirt tails and eventually taking over. Oh mark my words! She will use anyone for her own parade! Be watchful…all you adoption reformers…whether you pay attention to Joan, know her or not…SHE WILL USE YOU and then toss you away the second you disagree with her.

Joan never thinks things through. Her thinking is piece-meal and one-sided…her side. She gets an idea, and instead of ‘working’ on it, she plows ahead and tells anyone who will listen to her, that she will CREATE an event! Then when that falls apart, she FORGETS about that and the person, moving on to the next great ideal she has! That’s what a narcissistic does!

Back in December 2013, Joan was going to create an event, for local news coverage, that would attract ‘national’ attention. She broadcasted her intentions, said she even had a ‘local’ news-camera man lined up…she was going to have IT happen!

Well, IT did not happen!

At one point, as I see Joan’s ‘foaming at the mouth’ with her ‘great event’ bullshit, I decided to made contact with one of the adoption reform ‘matriachs’. I don’t have my original message, to share, but I do have the email ‘exchange’ between myself and the matriach.

I had cced my response to Ruth who said to me, privately, ‘very nicely put Gert’

Like we have been saying along, Joan is a dangerous person, particularly to those that haven’t a clue of her illnesses and how she will USE another!

here is the exchange…

Hi Gert:

I’m responding to the note you sent to …. following our press release. First, I want to apologize for being unaware of Joan’s activities. I do not know her very well, but have seen her presence. She did send me a note after that press release and I wasn’t quite sure what all she was referring to, but did not respond. I’m 75 now and don’t travel anymore so won’t be going anywhere!

But I wanted to acknowledge your note and thank you for making us cognizant of what’s going on. Please feel free to message me directly through FB or my e-mail…

Thanks again.

Date: Tue, 17 Dec 2013 06:01:19 -0800
From: gertmcqueen
Subject: thank you for your reply
To: ….; gertmcqueen; ruthbpace
Hi ….,

Thank you very much for your reply.

There is no need for you to apologize for not knowing about Joan’s activities; many are either unaware or don’t care. That is, in my opinion, where the danger is to those that have worked so hard for your cause. I am aware of your work and the difficulties you suffered and felt it would be a shame to be derailed by not knowing and being dragged into a mess.

I gave 20 years of my life for a cause and was betrayed several times, but even today, in the circles of my cause, I am remembered for always being true and not compromising the ‘cause’ for personal reasons. This is something that Joan doesn’t get. She does what she does purely for personal reasons. I believe that, this time around, she is looking for a ‘named pioneer’ to back her, but again that’s just my personal opinion.

I certainly can appreciate your age and not traveling. I am 67 and don’t travel either!

Again, thank you. Hope that you and yours have a wonderful peaceful joyful holiday season. Gert

also see this development

Joan Mary Wheeler engages in personal attacks against someone who she disagrees with and is taken to task!


Joan Mary Wheeler reaches out, for any old thread, to weave her tales of BS, that #adoption is an evil that MUST BE STOPPED…but

…it back-fires on her!

Somehow I saw the following site, dated February 26, 2014, on which Joan made comments on or about 29 June 2015. Joan was probably LOOKING for something that related to the recent Supreme Court decision about gay marriages. In any event, it led to a couple of replies/comments by me and sister Ruth.

Oh and if Joan Wheeler is ‘self-employed’ perhaps the state of New York Disability would LIKE TO KNOW that, as Joan is receiving SSI and can NOT work and receive benefits!

Joan Mary Wheeler ·  Freelance Writer at Self-Employed Jun 29, 2015 4:24pm

Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy and to Martha Osborne —

I caution against ANY adoption at all! Here is why: if you adopt an older child out of foster care, that child has a name, knows that she has two parents who, for whatever reason, cannot be effectual parents but who are, indeed, that child’s parents. That child who is 4 or 6 or 8 years old, knows she has a name and knows the names of her parents. Perhaps she has brothers and sisters. When an older child is adopted out of foster care (or in any other adoption) the child’s name is changed. She goes through 4 or 6 or 8 years with one name, but then, because of adoption, is now, POOF, a brand new person with a new first and middle and last name.

And as adopting parents, you won’t be told that your act of adopting to make this child “your own” will force that child to lose her birth certificate. The State will automatically remove the validity of the actual birth certificate, seal it forever, and replace it with a new, amended – FALSIFIED – birth certificate with the names of the adopting parents on it CLAIMING THAT YOU IN FACT CONCIEVED AND GAVE BIRTH TO THIS CHILD.

For ANY adoptive parent to claim this is a LIE. For a husband and a wife – a heterosexual couple – to do this is horrendous, yet, this is what adoption really is. For GAY MEN or LESBIAN women to do this is disgusting.

To make a baby, we all know that it takes one egg and one sperm to create another human being. To proudly go around showing off the NEW birth certificate with TWO MOTHERS or TWO FATHERS, just tells the world how utterly ridiculous and illogical the matter really is.

When your little adopted child grows up (if you adopt an infant) or when your older adopted child learns the Birds and the Bees, he or she will come to you and ask, “Where is my mother?” (If you are two gay men) and “Where is my father?” (If you are two lesbians). Your adopted child will know there is something wrong in the logic behind preventing your acquired adoptee from ever knowing the truth.

Your names DO NOT belong on a Birth Certificate. Instead, tell the truth by insisting that the older child from foster care or the newborn retain her or his actual birth certificate and you and your married spouse will be named on an ADOPTION CERTIFICATE. Why? Because birth and adoption are two separate events.

NO adoptive parent should have the right to steal a child’s identity by means of adoption!

So, in addition to what Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has stated in her article, please take heed: Guardianship keeps the infant and older child’s actual birth certificate intact and NO false birth certificate is created by the state government.

Don’t like what I am saying? 7 to 10 million adoptees have NO CHOICE in suffering permanent identity theft imposed upon us by state laws that replace our actual identities with fake ones – just because SOMEONE – GAY or STRAIGHT – wants a child.

Until we recognize this not-disclosed fact about adoption, and until we make it a part of ALL adoptions to NEVER confiscate an infant’s or older child’s actual and factual birth certificate and NEVER replace it with one that legally states false facts presented as true, then adoption will provide a home for a child in need while respecting that child’s true identity. That is what Guradianship does now, but no one promotes it because Adoption is big business.

Think about the civil and human rights of the infant or older child YOU want and think about how YOU fought for YOUR rights. Who is going to fight for the rights of your tiny adoptee? People like me, that’s who!

I was born Doris Michol Sippel in 1956, but New York State stole my identity and forced me into a type of witness protection program. I have known my name at birth for 41 years now – and I have my certified birth certificate and adoption papers (my adoptive parents gave them to me) but I do not have the legal right to own my own birth certificate. Instead, New York State insists that I must be hidden away and re-born by adoption. There is no shame in my birth as I as born within a ten year marriage and my mother died when I was three months old.
So, please, THINK before you act upon your desires to take someone else’s child as your own. Jun 29, 2015 4:24pm


So I replied on June 30 2015

Joan Mary Wheeler     She said… ‘When an older child is adopted out of foster care (or in any other adoption) the child’s name is changed. … but then, because of adoption, is now, POOF, a brand new person with a new first and middle and last name.’

I adopted, with 2nd husband, my son, age 16, he HAD TO GIVE HIS PERMISSION, by NY state law, to be adopted.  My daughter, age 15, choose NOT to be adopted. Yes, my son’s name and parentage was changed, but that was HIS CHOICE and my and my husband’s business.

I was told, by a person who hates all things adoption, that I was HARMING my child. I was called unfit. My parental rights were violated, behind my back, as my children were told NOT TO LISTEN TO ME, by this person. When I forbid that person to have contact with my children I had false child abuse reports upon myself/husband, TWICE.

She also said… ‘Guardianship keeps the infant and older child’s actual birth certificate intact and NO false birth certificate is created by the state government.’

Guardianship doesn’t always work…adoption does.

Finally she says… ‘the hell I have lived for the past 41 years speaking out about this very injustice of renaming, I have felt the shame and degradation that is because of being adopted.’

Sounds like a lot of self-induced and self-inflicted….self-flagellation.


Then I saw from M C B…

Joan Mary Wheeler, thank god there is no shame in your birth like us bastards

Joan Mary Wheeler replied…

M C B While at first glance there is no shame, the hell I have lived for the past 41 years speaking out about this very injustice of renaming, I have felt the shame and degradation that is because of being adopted. I have been told, by adopted family and natural family, that I “live in the past” and that I “must get over it” and that I need to “stop being obsessed with adoption.” All the pitfalls of being a bastard are bestowed upon me because I am an outspoken adoptee pointing out the flaws and social injustice in the institution of adoption.        June 30, 2015

M C B replied…

when you say there is no shame in your birth as you as born within a ten year marriage, you infer that there is shame born outside of marriage. I refuse to feel shame for being born. You are talking to someone who doesn’t know if they were named. You have your OBC, you know your name, and you can research your genetic history.  June 30, 2015

To which Joan replied

M C B I meant no harm. I know that the laws that bind our birth certificates were created to hide illegitimacy and others want to make adopteess feel shame. … I meant that I am treated with shame becasue I am adotped. I was found by siblings I never knew I had. It was a bitter-west reunion, and very complicated. My adoptive motehr threw my birth certifcate at me in a fit of anger at my reunion as she never watned me to know the truth as she was afraid I would leave her. I was picked on, shunned, by both families. Yes, I can trace my family tree and I do have some close relatives on both families, but the mentality of most of my relatives was that I was wrong to accept a phone call from siblings I was never suppsoed to know. It really speaks to adoption mythology. And I fight for the freedom of all adoptees. I wish you all the best.


It looks like Joan was beginning to come apart at the seams so I replied….

Joan Mary Wheeler  Not all adoptees are ‘made to feel shame’. My son’s adoption was NOT shameful! Now was it? Certainly your birth family, when reunited with you, did NOT treat you in that way, ever! The reunion was NOT complicated until your own behaviors made relationships ‘complicated’. Your relationship with your adoptive family has nothing to do with the birth family. Please stop! Let it go!

And Ruth replied…   Gert Mcqueen she won’t ever let it go because she is pissed that she was adopted out and we weren’t. And now we must be punished for that and for setting limits in our lives. To not be lied to, stolen from, manipulated into arguements. After money was stolen from a joint checking account that I had with her to buy real estate, money that she used for HER living expenses, because I made more $$$ than her and her husband I told her to leave my life. that was when the 25 years of harassment from her began.
I have had a career for 43 years and my paycheck is mine to spend on what I want – but she wants to pass judgment on what I buy. This is why our reunion failed and she was shunned – she was shunned because of her incessant troublemaking and lying about people. And stealing.
If I’ve proven her point that adoption is a bad thing, I don’t care – I want her to stop slandering me. And she did it to someone else recently – Joyce Bahr and using the very same phrases she says about me – that we “are deeply affected” by – whatever – and we “won’t admit it.” –
She is a chronically unemployed person with a social work degree, but has never worked as a social worker, let alone a psychologist or psychiatrist – but can pass judgments on me and Joyce and others.


Until Joan accepts the life that has been given her she shall never be happy. She is not fighting for anyone’s rights, she is pissed off because she’s adopted. Get a life!

Narcissists Never Lie

Here is a wonderful explanation of the reality of dealing with those that tell lies and live in a different world than where the true lives.

Narcissists Never Lie.

Joan Wheeler proves that she simply can NOT stop lying about her sisters and tries to manipulate another person to make trouble for me.

more filthy lies from Joan

and more shit stirring…


Joan Wheeler proves that she simply can NOT stop lying about her sisters and tries to manipulate another person to make trouble for me..

As Joan M Wheeler continues her quest, to ‘eliminate’ adoption from the planet, she believes herself to possess great wisdom and fame; NOT!!

As Joan M Wheeler continues her quest, to ‘eliminate’ adoption from the planet, she believes herself to possess great wisdom and fame; NOT!!

Well…she’s not the only one that believes in their own self-importance while not having a clue as to how the rest of the world hears and sees them.

When Joan rants and raves, over adoption, she belittles, mocks, intimidates, insults and engages in name calling the very people/person she is addressing. Joan’s presentation of her ‘agenda’ is lost when she engages in the above ‘skills’.  It truly is amazing how many people in the world have no idea of how they ‘inter-act’ with others and particularly with those that have an opposing opinion. Joan’s methods are infused with her hate and anger, no wonder people TURN HER OFF.

Quoting from the following article, about a TV news reporter, Joan displays the same types of ‘depths of classism, narcissism, entitlement and plain old nastiness that are truly awe-inspiring’.

I have quoted Joan’s own words, from that libelous book, to websites, to news articles, just to show how she presents herself. Just take a look around my web page, look at the archives, pick most any blog post and you will see Joan’s ‘presentations’ and how she thinks.

Here is the ‘news’ article that sparked this post.–tms–lpittsctnwl-bb20150422-20150422-column.html

Self-absorbed ESPN reporter Britt McHenry gained fame, lost humanity

April  22, 2015 by Leonard Pitts

One hardly knows where to begin.

There is much that could be said about the captured-on-video, made-for-the-water-cooler tirade by ESPN reporter Britt McHenry that lit up social media a few days ago and earned her a one-week suspension. McHenry, livid that her car had been towed after apparently being parked illegally, vented her spleen with acid condescension upon a woman who has been identified as “Gina,” an impound clerk at a tow yard in Arlington, Va.

In ranting about Gina’s size (“Lose some weight, baby girl”), dental work (“Maybe if I was missing some teeth they would hire me, huh?”) and presumed educational deficiencies (“Do you feel good about your job? So I could be a college dropout and do the same thing?”), while pontificating upon her own importance (“I’m in the news, sweetheart, and I will [expletive] sue this place”), McHenry revealed depths of classism, narcissism, entitlement and plain old nastiness that are truly awe-inspiring.

But one of her insults was not simply nasty. It was downright insidious. Meaning the part where she taunted Gina that “I’m on television and you’re in a [expletive] trailer.”

In other words, bad enough Gina — in McHenry’s estimation — is fat and ignorant and in need of dental work, but most damning of all: Somehow, she even neglected to get on television! How can she live with herself?

McHenry is on television, but let’s be clear: She is not exactly David Letterman, Julianna Margulies or even one of the lesser Kardashians — not, in other words, somebody you’d likely ever heard of before this. She is, rather, a rising reporter on a cable sports network — not a bad gig, to be sure, but not exactly a household name.

Yet, even given that rather tenuous toehold on fame, she seems to believe she has cracked the code, reached the apex of human potential. “I’m on television,” she snarks, like she just threw down a royal flush in the great poker game of life, while Gina is a loser because she works an honest, albeit unglamorous job. McHenry thinks herself great.

Because she interviews jocks on ESPN.

That belief is pathetic and absurd, but, in a culture where fame is more worshiped than Jesus, it is surprising not at all.

For what it’s worth, McHenry has since issued the usual soulless apology, expressing contrition without seeming to feel any. She blames her hissy fit on “an intense and stressful moment.” Because, yeah, having your car towed is just like finding out you have cancer.

Also for what it’s worth: Some observers have decried a supposed “rush to judgment” here, noting that the video the tow company provided contains only McHenry’s side of the exchange and that, for all we know, Gina gave as good as she got. Given McHenry’s behavior, let’s hope she did.

Neither the apology nor that caveat mitigates the conclusion that McHenry is a nasty piece of work. Nor do they render acceptable her apparent belief that being a little famous frees her from any duty of courtesy or simple respect toward those who are not. Like many of us, she seems to consider being on television proof of character and worth.

It is a delusion implicit in the very fabric of our culture, in its uncritical worship of the red carpet, the spotlight and the panacea of fame. But it is a delusion nevertheless.

Floating in the bubble of her own wonderfulness, McHenry has obviously had little opportunity to learn this. That failing has left her a stunted woman who believes herself a superior life form because ESPN pays her to smile prettily and talk to a camera about football. She is to be pitied.

If that’s what being on television does to you, maybe living in a trailer is not so bad.


reposting an important post

reposting for it’s importance….with an update



The Dark Side by Gert McQueen – March 16, 2010


an oldie but a goodie…those early posts

Originally posted on Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family --:

sorry for the delay in getting Gert’s post out! – Ruth

The Dark Side

 Yoda tells Anakin Skywalker ‘I sense great fear in you. Fear leads to hate. Hates leads to suffering. Suffering leads to the Dark Side.’ And look what happened to Anakin because he didn’t listen.

Now I’m certainly not suggesting that Joan has some ‘higher’ purpose in mind by choosing the dark side, as Anakin believed he had, but by not having a ‘personal’ higher purpose in her life she really is on the dark side because she has chosen to be on the dark side and that is why she is suffering. Get rid of the fear and hate to set yourself free. That is the message of the little Buddha in Yoda.

Going back to the book, Chapter 11 is titled – integrating two families.

She was never taught how to integrate anything, but as…

View original 864 more words

repost: the story of Joan Wheeler’s theft of money from me


we must never forget the deeds of Joan M Wheeler

Originally posted on Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family --:

    In 1989, Joan and her husband C. and I entered into a business arrangement to buy an apartment building. We wanted one that had enough units for us each to have an apartment and one, perhaps two rental units. Neither of us had any money. But I was able to take out a loan for I believe it was close to $4500.00. We put the majority of this money into a CD account, and the rest into a joint checking account to be used for real estate agent fees, appraisal fees, etc. Since I worked nights, Joan and C. did the majority of the transactions.
    In June 1989, C. called me and wanted permission to withdraw $500.00 to buy a case of fireworks to be sold on the street. This $500.00 would then be tripled. I agreed. My husband John ended up doing most of the selling, and…

View original 1,716 more words


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