Reclaiming our Family Honor!
Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!
Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!
ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om
UPDATE March 2015 this post sums up the TRUE story of our family versus the ‘point of view’ of Joan Wheeler.
Update November 2014
The purpose of this blog is about exposing all the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family and telling the truth of myself and my family.
It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler.
Our commentary and reporting is our business.
The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.
This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT conceived in 1954, when this family picture was taken and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.
…it back-fires on her!
Somehow I saw the following site, dated February 26, 2014, on which Joan made comments on or about 29 June 2015. Joan was probably LOOKING for something that related to the recent Supreme Court decision about gay marriages. In any event, it led to a couple of replies/comments by me and sister Ruth.
Oh and if Joan Wheeler is ‘self-employed’ perhaps the state of New York Disability would LIKE TO KNOW that, as Joan is receiving SSI and can NOT work and receive benefits!
Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy and to Martha Osborne —
I caution against ANY adoption at all! Here is why: if you adopt an older child out of foster care, that child has a name, knows that she has two parents who, for whatever reason, cannot be effectual parents but who are, indeed, that child’s parents. That child who is 4 or 6 or 8 years old, knows she has a name and knows the names of her parents. Perhaps she has brothers and sisters. When an older child is adopted out of foster care (or in any other adoption) the child’s name is changed. She goes through 4 or 6 or 8 years with one name, but then, because of adoption, is now, POOF, a brand new person with a new first and middle and last name.
And as adopting parents, you won’t be told that your act of adopting to make this child “your own” will force that child to lose her birth certificate. The State will automatically remove the validity of the actual birth certificate, seal it forever, and replace it with a new, amended – FALSIFIED – birth certificate with the names of the adopting parents on it CLAIMING THAT YOU IN FACT CONCIEVED AND GAVE BIRTH TO THIS CHILD.
For ANY adoptive parent to claim this is a LIE. For a husband and a wife – a heterosexual couple – to do this is horrendous, yet, this is what adoption really is. For GAY MEN or LESBIAN women to do this is disgusting.
To make a baby, we all know that it takes one egg and one sperm to create another human being. To proudly go around showing off the NEW birth certificate with TWO MOTHERS or TWO FATHERS, just tells the world how utterly ridiculous and illogical the matter really is.
When your little adopted child grows up (if you adopt an infant) or when your older adopted child learns the Birds and the Bees, he or she will come to you and ask, “Where is my mother?” (If you are two gay men) and “Where is my father?” (If you are two lesbians). Your adopted child will know there is something wrong in the logic behind preventing your acquired adoptee from ever knowing the truth.
Your names DO NOT belong on a Birth Certificate. Instead, tell the truth by insisting that the older child from foster care or the newborn retain her or his actual birth certificate and you and your married spouse will be named on an ADOPTION CERTIFICATE. Why? Because birth and adoption are two separate events.
NO adoptive parent should have the right to steal a child’s identity by means of adoption!
So, in addition to what Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has stated in her article, please take heed: Guardianship keeps the infant and older child’s actual birth certificate intact and NO false birth certificate is created by the state government.
Don’t like what I am saying? 7 to 10 million adoptees have NO CHOICE in suffering permanent identity theft imposed upon us by state laws that replace our actual identities with fake ones – just because SOMEONE – GAY or STRAIGHT – wants a child.
Until we recognize this not-disclosed fact about adoption, and until we make it a part of ALL adoptions to NEVER confiscate an infant’s or older child’s actual and factual birth certificate and NEVER replace it with one that legally states false facts presented as true, then adoption will provide a home for a child in need while respecting that child’s true identity. That is what Guradianship does now, but no one promotes it because Adoption is big business.
Think about the civil and human rights of the infant or older child YOU want and think about how YOU fought for YOUR rights. Who is going to fight for the rights of your tiny adoptee? People like me, that’s who!
I was born Doris Michol Sippel in 1956, but New York State stole my identity and forced me into a type of witness protection program. I have known my name at birth for 41 years now – and I have my certified birth certificate and adoption papers (my adoptive parents gave them to me) but I do not have the legal right to own my own birth certificate. Instead, New York State insists that I must be hidden away and re-born by adoption. There is no shame in my birth as I as born within a ten year marriage and my mother died when I was three months old.
So, please, THINK before you act upon your desires to take someone else’s child as your own. Jun 29, 2015 4:24pm
So I replied on June 30 2015
Joan Mary Wheeler She said… ‘When an older child is adopted out of foster care (or in any other adoption) the child’s name is changed. … but then, because of adoption, is now, POOF, a brand new person with a new first and middle and last name.’
I adopted, with 2nd husband, my son, age 16, he HAD TO GIVE HIS PERMISSION, by NY state law, to be adopted. My daughter, age 15, choose NOT to be adopted. Yes, my son’s name and parentage was changed, but that was HIS CHOICE and my and my husband’s business.
I was told, by a person who hates all things adoption, that I was HARMING my child. I was called unfit. My parental rights were violated, behind my back, as my children were told NOT TO LISTEN TO ME, by this person. When I forbid that person to have contact with my children I had false child abuse reports upon myself/husband, TWICE.
She also said… ‘Guardianship keeps the infant and older child’s actual birth certificate intact and NO false birth certificate is created by the state government.’
Guardianship doesn’t always work…adoption does.
Finally she says… ‘the hell I have lived for the past 41 years speaking out about this very injustice of renaming, I have felt the shame and degradation that is because of being adopted.’
Sounds like a lot of self-induced and self-inflicted….self-flagellation.
Then I saw from M C B…
Joan Mary Wheeler, thank god there is no shame in your birth like us bastards
Joan Mary Wheeler replied…
M C B While at first glance there is no shame, the hell I have lived for the past 41 years speaking out about this very injustice of renaming, I have felt the shame and degradation that is because of being adopted. I have been told, by adopted family and natural family, that I “live in the past” and that I “must get over it” and that I need to “stop being obsessed with adoption.” All the pitfalls of being a bastard are bestowed upon me because I am an outspoken adoptee pointing out the flaws and social injustice in the institution of adoption. June 30, 2015
M C B replied…
when you say there is no shame in your birth as you as born within a ten year marriage, you infer that there is shame born outside of marriage. I refuse to feel shame for being born. You are talking to someone who doesn’t know if they were named. You have your OBC, you know your name, and you can research your genetic history. June 30, 2015
To which Joan replied
M C B I meant no harm. I know that the laws that bind our birth certificates were created to hide illegitimacy and others want to make adopteess feel shame. … I meant that I am treated with shame becasue I am adotped. I was found by siblings I never knew I had. It was a bitter-west reunion, and very complicated. My adoptive motehr threw my birth certifcate at me in a fit of anger at my reunion as she never watned me to know the truth as she was afraid I would leave her. I was picked on, shunned, by both families. Yes, I can trace my family tree and I do have some close relatives on both families, but the mentality of most of my relatives was that I was wrong to accept a phone call from siblings I was never suppsoed to know. It really speaks to adoption mythology. And I fight for the freedom of all adoptees. I wish you all the best.
It looks like Joan was beginning to come apart at the seams so I replied….
Joan Mary Wheeler Not all adoptees are ‘made to feel shame’. My son’s adoption was NOT shameful! Now was it? Certainly your birth family, when reunited with you, did NOT treat you in that way, ever! The reunion was NOT complicated until your own behaviors made relationships ‘complicated’. Your relationship with your adoptive family has nothing to do with the birth family. Please stop! Let it go!
And Ruth replied… Gert Mcqueen she won’t ever let it go because she is pissed that she was adopted out and we weren’t. And now we must be punished for that and for setting limits in our lives. To not be lied to, stolen from, manipulated into arguements. After money was stolen from a joint checking account that I had with her to buy real estate, money that she used for HER living expenses, because I made more $$$ than her and her husband I told her to leave my life. that was when the 25 years of harassment from her began.
I have had a career for 43 years and my paycheck is mine to spend on what I want – but she wants to pass judgment on what I buy. This is why our reunion failed and she was shunned – she was shunned because of her incessant troublemaking and lying about people. And stealing.
If I’ve proven her point that adoption is a bad thing, I don’t care – I want her to stop slandering me. And she did it to someone else recently – Joyce Bahr and using the very same phrases she says about me – that we “are deeply affected” by – whatever – and we “won’t admit it.” –
She is a chronically unemployed person with a social work degree, but has never worked as a social worker, let alone a psychologist or psychiatrist – but can pass judgments on me and Joyce and others.
Until Joan accepts the life that has been given her she shall never be happy. She is not fighting for anyone’s rights, she is pissed off because she’s adopted. Get a life!
Here is a wonderful explanation of the reality of dealing with those that tell lies and live in a different world than where the true lives.
more filthy lies from Joan
and more shit stirring…
As Joan M Wheeler continues her quest, to ‘eliminate’ adoption from the planet, she believes herself to possess great wisdom and fame; NOT!!
Well…she’s not the only one that believes in their own self-importance while not having a clue as to how the rest of the world hears and sees them.
When Joan rants and raves, over adoption, she belittles, mocks, intimidates, insults and engages in name calling the very people/person she is addressing. Joan’s presentation of her ‘agenda’ is lost when she engages in the above ‘skills’. It truly is amazing how many people in the world have no idea of how they ‘inter-act’ with others and particularly with those that have an opposing opinion. Joan’s methods are infused with her hate and anger, no wonder people TURN HER OFF.
Quoting from the following article, about a TV news reporter, Joan displays the same types of ‘depths of classism, narcissism, entitlement and plain old nastiness that are truly awe-inspiring’.
I have quoted Joan’s own words, from that libelous book, to websites, to news articles, just to show how she presents herself. Just take a look around my web page, look at the archives, pick most any blog post and you will see Joan’s ‘presentations’ and how she thinks.
Here is the ‘news’ article that sparked this post.
Self-absorbed ESPN reporter Britt McHenry gained fame, lost humanity
April 22, 2015 by Leonard Pitts
One hardly knows where to begin.
There is much that could be said about the captured-on-video, made-for-the-water-cooler tirade by ESPN reporter Britt McHenry that lit up social media a few days ago and earned her a one-week suspension. McHenry, livid that her car had been towed after apparently being parked illegally, vented her spleen with acid condescension upon a woman who has been identified as “Gina,” an impound clerk at a tow yard in Arlington, Va.
In ranting about Gina’s size (“Lose some weight, baby girl”), dental work (“Maybe if I was missing some teeth they would hire me, huh?”) and presumed educational deficiencies (“Do you feel good about your job? So I could be a college dropout and do the same thing?”), while pontificating upon her own importance (“I’m in the news, sweetheart, and I will [expletive] sue this place”), McHenry revealed depths of classism, narcissism, entitlement and plain old nastiness that are truly awe-inspiring.
But one of her insults was not simply nasty. It was downright insidious. Meaning the part where she taunted Gina that “I’m on television and you’re in a [expletive] trailer.”
In other words, bad enough Gina — in McHenry’s estimation — is fat and ignorant and in need of dental work, but most damning of all: Somehow, she even neglected to get on television! How can she live with herself?
McHenry is on television, but let’s be clear: She is not exactly David Letterman, Julianna Margulies or even one of the lesser Kardashians — not, in other words, somebody you’d likely ever heard of before this. She is, rather, a rising reporter on a cable sports network — not a bad gig, to be sure, but not exactly a household name.
Yet, even given that rather tenuous toehold on fame, she seems to believe she has cracked the code, reached the apex of human potential. “I’m on television,” she snarks, like she just threw down a royal flush in the great poker game of life, while Gina is a loser because she works an honest, albeit unglamorous job. McHenry thinks herself great.
Because she interviews jocks on ESPN.
That belief is pathetic and absurd, but, in a culture where fame is more worshiped than Jesus, it is surprising not at all.
For what it’s worth, McHenry has since issued the usual soulless apology, expressing contrition without seeming to feel any. She blames her hissy fit on “an intense and stressful moment.” Because, yeah, having your car towed is just like finding out you have cancer.
Also for what it’s worth: Some observers have decried a supposed “rush to judgment” here, noting that the video the tow company provided contains only McHenry’s side of the exchange and that, for all we know, Gina gave as good as she got. Given McHenry’s behavior, let’s hope she did.
Neither the apology nor that caveat mitigates the conclusion that McHenry is a nasty piece of work. Nor do they render acceptable her apparent belief that being a little famous frees her from any duty of courtesy or simple respect toward those who are not. Like many of us, she seems to consider being on television proof of character and worth.
It is a delusion implicit in the very fabric of our culture, in its uncritical worship of the red carpet, the spotlight and the panacea of fame. But it is a delusion nevertheless.
Floating in the bubble of her own wonderfulness, McHenry has obviously had little opportunity to learn this. That failing has left her a stunted woman who believes herself a superior life form because ESPN pays her to smile prettily and talk to a camera about football. She is to be pitied.
If that’s what being on television does to you, maybe living in a trailer is not so bad.
reposting for it’s importance….with an update
- It boggles the mind…Joan Wheeler hates her blood family yet uses the dead members of the birth family and another dead person to HIDE behind and ATTACK the living birth members! on August 14, 2012
an oldie but a goodie…those early posts
Originally posted on Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family --:
sorry for the delay in getting Gert’s post out! – Ruth
The Dark Side
Yoda tells Anakin Skywalker ‘I sense great fear in you. Fear leads to hate. Hates leads to suffering. Suffering leads to the Dark Side.’ And look what happened to Anakin because he didn’t listen.
Now I’m certainly not suggesting that Joan has some ‘higher’ purpose in mind by choosing the dark side, as Anakin believed he had, but by not having a ‘personal’ higher purpose in her life she really is on the dark side because she has chosen to be on the dark side and that is why she is suffering. Get rid of the fear and hate to set yourself free. That is the message of the little Buddha in Yoda.
Going back to the book, Chapter 11 is titled – integrating two families.
She was never taught how to integrate anything, but as…
View original 864 more words
we must never forget the deeds of Joan M Wheeler
Originally posted on Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family --:
In 1989, Joan and her husband C. and I entered into a business arrangement to buy an apartment building. We wanted one that had enough units for us each to have an apartment and one, perhaps two rental units. Neither of us had any money. But I was able to take out a loan for I believe it was close to $4500.00. We put the majority of this money into a CD account, and the rest into a joint checking account to be used for real estate agent fees, appraisal fees, etc. Since I worked nights, Joan and C. did the majority of the transactions.
In June 1989, C. called me and wanted permission to withdraw $500.00 to buy a case of fireworks to be sold on the street. This $500.00 would then be tripled. I agreed. My husband John ended up doing most of the selling, and…
View original 1,716 more words
I saw the following blog post, with comments, including one from Joan. As usual, she gives her closed mind opinion. Two people commented, to her, pointing out flaws in her argument and then nothing more, from Joan! I prepared a comment but it has not been posted, probably will never be posted; that’s why I have a blog!
I am not presenting all of the article and comments here, if you need to see the full thing the address is… http://www.rebeccahawkes.com/2013/03/we-can-do-better-call-to-move-beyond.html
NOTE; if you are unable to connect with the above link…copy and paste it into your browser, it should come up.
We Can Do Better: A Call to Move Beyond Adoption as We Know It
There was a time in history when children without parents or extended family members to care for them ended up in poor houses, orphan asylums, or baby farms, all of which were pretty horrid places. One could certainly argue that the societal shift from viewing unattached children as potential sources of labor, as in indentured servitude, to viewing them as children to be raised as one’s own offspring represented a clear improvement. But the horrors of the past do not excuse us from looking critically at the institutions of the present. We can focus on moving forward, rather than back. We do not have to accept the status quo as merely “better than before” or “good enough.” We can do better. **see above site for balance of blog
All these comments were made around March/April of 2013 Joan is using her ‘forbiddenfamily’ screen name.
Lori So true: “the horrors of the past do not excuse us from looking critically at the institutions of the present.” We should always strive to do things better.
Forbidden Family Very good piece. I may remind your readers, however, that adoption is never an option, ever. Why? Because adoption means that not only is the child removed from the family of birth, but her birth certificate is sealed and a new one issued to replace it – upon the finalization of adoption. Removing the financial gains of people employed in the adoption industry is just one goal. Ultimately, we need to promote family preservation as you said, and also guardianship in cases where the child is in need of a family. Guardianship preserves the child’s birth identity, place in family, visitation with parents and siblings and grandparents while securing a home with adults who will love and cherish that child. It is vitally important that we get away from the mantra – “adoption, the loving option.” When grandparents, for example, adopt their own grandchild, that child’s parents then become aunts and uncles, and grandparents are now parents. This does not make sense to a young mind. This causes emotional problems and cognitive distortion which forces a child to believe something that she knows is not real. And that child becomes an adult with identity confusion. Adoption by total strangers or other family members is not an option, either. Guardianshiip needs to replace adoption when a child is in dire need.
Jamie> Forbidden Family Guardianship lacks a sense of permanency. If you introduce uncertainty on the part of the people caring for the child, the child will sense it. The children we adopted were not placed with family because no one was deemed fit to care for them. I don’t think this needs to be a black and white issue.
Lynn> Forbidden Family I disagree, Joan. If a child is told the truth in a family adoption, he/she can understand that roles have changed, but that blood relations are still the same (brother and uncle) (father and grandfather). As Jamie mentions, guardianship lacks permanency.
There is so no permanent safety with guardianship for the child to be secure in the family. Guardianship does not guarantee visitation for anyone. Parents have exclusive rights to say yay or nay to any visitation by anyone in the family. There may be a few grandparents who have some rights in some states, but for the most part, guardianship does not guarantee rights. Someone has to be deemed a legal guardian (through custody or adoption) when birth parents are not available. As a family member who adopted, we made this decision to protect our family member. Our child’s role and blood relations are in tact and she is fully aware of what they are. Adoption by family members is a form of family preservation, and an option for some families who don’t want non-relatives to raise their kids.
Gert here… here is my comment that didn’t get on…oh well!
A very good thought provoking article! Of course, as societies advance their social structures change, but we still live in an imperfect world; there is no one-way approach to anything. Adoption, in one form or another, will always be a part of the social fabric of humans, for no other reason than we need to take care of the ‘children’ that, for better or worst, the ‘family’ cannot care for. The same can be said for the elderly, the long-term sick, disabled physically and mentally. Not every ‘family’ can care for and KEEP that elder, that sick, that disabled, that mentally impaired, person in the home. At some point, sooner or later, they have to be PLACED in a facility that will care for them!
For someone, like forbiddenfamily, to state a personal opinion…‘that adoption is never an option, ever.’…does NOT address any of the real concerns that adoption DOES pose and doesn’t leave any room for improvement. As such that opinion/view does not present anything close to a balanced picture; it is a totally ‘closed book/mind’ postion and that’s dangerous.
For more info see my posts and thank you.
http://www.gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/How my family has been touched by adoption; both positive and negative aspects by Gert McQueen on January 13, 2013
http://www.gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/Guardianship, as alternative to adoption, doesn’t work in the real world; its just another one of Joan Wheeler’s fantasies! on March 6, 2013
By chance, I happened to see a Huffington Post article in which Joan ‘ranted and raved’. She got quite a few ‘interesting’ comments. I am NOT putting Joan’s comments here, in this post, only the replies she received, for THEY are most telling! At the end of those comments I also present Joan’s yearly self-pity attention scheme.
The replies below, in early March, are ‘addressed’ to Joan M Wheeler and are in reply to her long-winded and delusional thinking of hate and anger.
Joan M Wheeler It takes more than the donation of a sperm and egg to make a parent. You are the one in denial and expressing complete selfishness. Children are NOT pieces of property. You don’t OWN them. Often the best thing for a child is to be adopted by someone who actually is a parent and not some selfish immature person who thinks that simply donating and egg gives them the right to inflict all kinds of pain on a child.
Joan M Wheeler you made the EXACT point, it’s the BIOLOGICAL mother who wants her child back with NO REGARD for what is BEST for the CHILD…When she gave up parental rights…She clearly did if it’s no surprise who is caring for the baby…and until she got pregnant again…was ok by her….it’s not about her desires anymore. You give a child up for adoption….you give up rights to that child. I am an adoptee. My biological donors gave me up to be adopted by someone who could PARENT me. My parents and my husband’s parents (he is also adopted) are our children’s grandparents. There is no if, ands or buts about it. If they ask how did your grandma die, I tell them. I do NOT have 2 lives…the one I live and the one that could have been. Medical issues for our children we will deal with JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER PARENT. And YES as an adopted child my opinion DOES MATTER…it’s your self righteous opinion (novella) that doesn’t matter because you have NEVER lived it.
Joan M Wheeler Who are you to tell someone they are in denial? She doesn’t sound like she’s in denial; she just doesn’t feel like you do.
Joan M Wheeler – Why do you assume that had one’s mother been given X, Y and Z, she would have done things differently? How much do you know about that biological mother’s life circumstances? Ever consider the possibility that a birth-mother might just not want a child, at least at that point in her life?
Joan M Wheeler Children are not tennis balls and should not be treated as such. The young woman in the story claims she may have been drugged. She also never bothered to see the child for two years. Those must have been some serious drugs to take two years to wear off. Can you explain why she wouldn’t try to see the child and why the child should just be handed off to her? And, for the love of GOD, please keep it short and to the point.
Joan M Wheeler I think you way overestimate the pull of genetics- some of the people I detest most are close relatives- and my Corgi is in my top list of people I love. are you saying a test tube baby or a sperm donors child have these extra parents they missed out on- because no- they really didn’t
Joan M Wheeler Oh, NOW I get it. You’re pissed because you weren’t told you were adopted. Well, guess what? You STILL don’t speak for all adoptees. I knew from the very beginning that I was adopted. You are the one with anger issues and trust issues – not me. So again, take your opinions and shove them. Or at least keep them to yourself, as you are not helping anyone with your ridiculous posts.
My favorite ones…
Joan M Wheeler your “opinions” are SCARY! like tinfoil hat scary. “possess another woman’s child”? WTH? If I were to adopt I would NEVER agree to an open adoption. Either you want to parent your child or you don’t…there is NO in between. It’s not fair to the child or the “wealthy” parents who adopt. BTW my parents were NOT wealthy by any means when they adopted my brother and I. We were NEVER a possession. The only difference is that I didn’t come out from between her legs.
Joan M Wheeler sounds like you have a guilt going on there
Joan M Wheeler Certainly has some issues that needs working through as well. Maybe you should contact Dr. Phil? Seriously, click on her picture and look at her timeline. Someone has issues with adoption lol O.O
End of the Huffington replies.
Now, we know that Joan went back to that Huffington article to rebuttal some of those replies. That must have certainly added to Joan mental state(s). For we see on Facebook that…
Joan says…March 18 at 10:34pm I really do understand Stephanie! I really do. I had and have crazy adopted family and natural family and I want desperately to escape them. I back your decision. Just wish adoption was not the only way to secure your final wishes. I am 59 years old and am afraid of dying, since I have multiple medical issues and am afraid of most of my relatives.
Gert’s comment…Joan continues to state and label her natural family as CRAZY and she ‘want desperately to escape them’! If she thinks we are crazy then why did she write years’ worth of lies on the Internet before we knew about it and before that book was published? Why did she write that libelous book about us? If she wants to escape our blogs and comments everywhere, she should have thought about OUR REACTIONS before she slandered and libeled us. Joan shall never escape us, for she made us the subject of her libelous book. She bound herself to us with her lying shit!
Joan is ‘afraid of dying’! Can’t help her there! Perhaps if she acknowledged the ‘divine’ aspects of life and let go of her hate and anger, she might be free of that fear! She is ‘afraid of most of my relatives’, she should have thought of that decades ago before she violated everyone’s privacy and boundaries and then WROTE about them, from her (adoptee) view point. Joan’s personal HELL is one of her own making!
Joan says on March 22 at 9:45am
I’ve ignored so many friends and loved ones in my life. Because I was so busy trying to take care of surviving. As I am now. So please, forgive my absence from Facebook. I am not doing well for many reasons. Trying to stay afloat.
Gert’s comment Joan says this every year! This is called self-pity and looking for attention!
Joan says on April 9 at 8:35am
I’ve been trying to come back fully to Facebook and my friends and few family here. I miss all of you. These last few months have been difficult for me in many ways. I never really acknowledged all of my Birthday Greetings in January. So I am doing so now: THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO ACKNOWLEDGED MY BIRTHDAY! I went into hiding that day. For an adoptee, birthdays are hard. The older I get, the harder my birthday becomes. My premature birth 59 years ago was my mother’s body trying to survive. She died three months later of cancer. The months of January, February and March are very hard for me because I lost all of four parents in these months – two mothers in March. So I am trying to come back to mingle again.
Every year, like clockwork, she goes INTO HIDING so she can work herself up with ‘grief’ over the loss of being an adoptee and death of parents. Every year she is older, aren’t we all? Why should a birthday be so fucking hard? She really doesn’t want to LIVE. Why does she LIKE to tar and feather herself after she does all this self-flagellations?
Then after she bares her soul and wallows in self-pity, she goes to a bar and meets a guy and flirts with him on Facebook!
Yep Joan is surviving with her one-sided delusional thinking!
ok, every year, I post on facebook, a photo of my mother – to HONOR her on the anniversary of her passing, NOT TO THROW A PITY PARTY FOR MYSELF. Which is just what Joan does. At least this year, she didn’t use the occasion as a clever way to get a dig in against her birth sisters like she did last year.
While ‘identity’ is a real concern, as in adoption, there are some people that just go over the top-edge in their ‘drama’ about it. There is a difference between identity and identity crises.
Some people just are not happy unless they can tell everyone all about themselves. I think that’s called narcissistic behavior. And then there are some people who feel it’s quite alright, in their ‘need’ for attention, to tell lies about family members while they are exploiting them! I think that is abusive behavior towards others and needs to be exposed! That is what the birth sisters of Joan Wheeler have been doing.
Joan Wheeler actually goes out of her way looking for places where she can talk about herself. She really isn’t concerned about others or their problems. No, it’s all about her and her identity. She can’t get ‘regular’ clients so she has to go looking for them out on the Net and give her unsolicited advice. Oh, didn’t you know! Joan Wheeler is a social worker! But, she hasn’t held any job where she actually did any ‘social work’. With her unstable conditions of depression, suicidal thoughts as well as other, self-told about, conditions, NO ONE ought to take Joan’s advice and help.
So, are adoptees the only ones that have identity crises? Seems to me I’ve had a couple of them myself over the years. I know others that have too, comes with the territory called ‘growing up and being human’. So why is this ‘so’ important to Joan? Joan has never come to terms with herself, and the facts of her life circumstances, in the first place and that is why she has ‘identity crises’. Every human being must come to terms with who they are and how they came about or they will spend the rest of their lives with a variety of mental conflicts…like Joan Wheeler.
I’m not saying that, in adoption situations, that not knowing an identity would not cause a problem or concern. I am saying that many people are adopted in the world and they DO NOT have this constant need to address their identity or other aspects of their adoption to the world. Joan Wheeler is not a happy person. Joan NEEDS constant attention. Even when she speaks out about her identity crisis in adoption, she exhibits her anger and hate. She will always be unhappy. She will never have peace, because, she loves her pain.
Here are a couple of offerings, of Joan, as 1adoptee AND as halforphan56, on two separate web sites. These are only two of the many internet NAMES Joan uses. And she wonders about identity??!!
The one site is known to us but the other is from a Mormon site! Strange don’t you think? Joan proclaims her non-belief in organized religions yet has no problem with speaking out on this site. Why? Because it gave her the opportunity to speak her mind and tell all of them about her pain. But by telling these people her story she doesn’t gain anything EXCEPT in her own delusional mind…she told them!
Joan Wheeler is an internet troll…looking for any mention of adoption…so she can tell her warped sense of reality to all who will accept her comment. I have noted over time that in many of the non-adoptee sites, such as this Mormon one, after one of her comments, there are rarely any more comments, because usually she is so far off base that she closes the conversation down. In other words, people see that she makes little to no sense. And on those occasions where someone might counter something she says, directly, she disappears. Joan Wheeler is a hit and ran troll!
Joan’s words are in italic…
halforphan56 BUFFALO, NY 12:01 p.m. Sept. 12, 2011
As an adoptee,, during childhood, I was not allowed to ask questions. Talking about my adoption was not allowed. Instead,, my adoptive mother told me when I was five that my “mother had too many children so she gave you to us.” Then, when I was about 7, the story was changed to “your mother died so your father thought it best that you live with us.”
Ignorance of what statements like this do to the young adoptee has affected me deeply. Adoptive parents ought to have a clear understanding of adoption before they adopt. Mine did not.
A child’s mind is fragile. True honesty about the circumstances of birth and relinqushment must be told to the adoptee in a loving way, and in age-appropriate language.
Turns out that my mother really did die when I was an infant, but my adoptive parents didn’t handle the situation very well.
Gert’s comments here…
Joan and other adoptees are not the only ones who were not allowed to ask questions as they grew up. That is the way some parent are…don’t ask, don’t tell, has always been around. I can understand that parents will tell different stories at different times in a child’s life, and, that there are certain ‘secrets’ that parents just will not discuss. That’s the way of the world, nothing different for adoptees to think they were treated ‘differently’ because they were adopted.
So some parents are ‘ignorant'; that isn’t anything new either. Parents can and do say unreasonable things to children. That is no reason for Joan to go and give her unsolicited advice to Mormons. They already have their own versions of family life; they certainly don’t need Joan’s versions!
And Joan always tells the truth! A child’s mind is fragile. True honesty What a line of horse shit! Remember she’s talking to the Mormons, who don’t know anything about her.
How come she doesn’t tell the truth of her own actions? What did she tell my minor children when she VIOLATED my parental rights and authority? Joan had no problem going behind my back and telling my children they did not have to listen to me or obey my rules! Joan disapproved of my parenting and my ‘adopting’ my children with second husband. Joan called false child abuse upon me TWICE, because I would NOT LISTEN to her.
Joan has familial blood on her hands; she is a kin-killer! And she thinks its okay to tell others what they should or should NOT do about raising children. She couldn’t raise her own children properly! And then she ‘documents’ how she committed child abuse upon them.
Now from the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change public forum
TOPIC Does anyone feel like they have a dual identity?
Reply #6 on: November 29, 2011, 08:27:31 PM
Yes, definitely. I was given a full name at birth and, when adopted a year later, my name was changed. I didn’t know about my first name until I had my reunion and when I found out that I had another name, the realization had a deep impact on me. Screwed up my head. I had to write my two names over and over on a sheet of paper to try to remember my own name. I don’t see myself as two people, just as a person who has two names — and two families. It’s mindblowing. But living through my reunion helped me integrate the two identities so its more like history now. I’ve used my adotped name all of my life so that’s the one I identify with psycholgically.
Gert’s comments here…
Again, I can understand how it might feel to ‘find’ out your birth name but after a while you just learn to live with it and reality. That happens with marriage. I’ve been married twice and had my name changed. Didn’t Joan Wheeler change her name after marriage? Yes she did, to Wheeler-Bell (husband’s name is Bell). And did Joan have SERIOUS issues over this with her adoptive mother? Yes she did! A lot of Joan’s problems stem from the woman that adopted Joan. Luck of the draw! No one gets ‘perfect’ in life.
Joan has never been fully integrated psychologically. She’s been in ‘therapy’ all her life! She uses her ‘adoption’ as a means to whip others who adopt, because she is totally anti-adoption and wants to rid the world of the ‘evils of adoption’.
Joan recently, early 2015, started a ‘business’; Identity Press, where she hopes to get other adoptees to submit their stories and their DOCUMENTS to be published in a book! Really now! The whole reason that Joan’s book, Forbidden Family, was libel is because she published it as ‘non-fiction’ and put the WHOLE FAMILY NAME out there! Others beware!