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Reclaiming our Family Honor!

Reclaiming and regaining our family honor…that was stolen from us!

Taking back what Joan M Wheeler stole from our family!

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॐ
om shanti shanti shanti om


UPDATE Sept 2015 my new blog…

Duped by adoption, a book study An in-depth analyzes of the book Forbidden Family My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption.

and a new Facebook page

UPDATE July 2015 added an LinkedIn account with a post

UPDATE March 2015 this post sums up the TRUE story of our family versus the ‘point of view’ of Joan Wheeler.

Update November 2014

The purpose of this blog is about exposing all the wrongs that Joan Wheeler has done to me and my family and telling the truth of myself and my family.

It would be wise to look at the ABOUT page to get updates that I have removed from this front page. It bears repeating…the sole purpose of this blog is about the behavior of Joan Wheeler.

Our commentary and reporting is our business.

The lying, hate filled book, called Forbidden Family, by Joan Wheeler is now dead. We told the truth and the publisher pulled the book because of its libelous contents. Joan Wheeler refuses to remove all of her blogs with that title and her hate words towards us.

This blog is to help reclaim OUR Family away from Joan Wheeler…she is the Forbidden One…she was NOT conceived in 1954, when this family picture was taken and can not claim this picture. She was adopted out of the family and when ‘reunited’ turned her hate and anger against us.

Yep, the worst thing Joan Wheeler ever did was to publish that lying book. Now she will have to live with that dead book tied around her neck until we set everything in it straight and right and it starts to stink and rot OR she decides to make it right and remove ALL references to Forbidden Family on her two web sites and apology to us siblings and our parents!
Warning…the contents of this blog are not suitable for young impressible minds or for people who believe everything Joan Wheeler has said or written. Believe her at your own risk! She is a user of people!
see joint post of Gert and Ruth
update of February 2014…Joan has still NOT answered any of our charges against her…in fact when asked directly she runs and hides away, or screams that we are harassing her…so we shall continue on until she answers to the dirty deeds and words she has said and deeds she has done. Joan still has NOT removed her hate blogs against us or gotten her friends to get rid of theirs, so we shall just carry on. Everything Joan and her friends have done to the birth family are part of the historical record.

In every life, including anti-adoption #adoptees, like Joan M Wheeler, some humor must fall…

…for without humor the follies of humans, and/or their complication of relationships, would be too much to bear!

Recently I heard a ‘novelty’ song, with quite an interesting tale. Wanting to know more about it, I found the following information and lyrics.


I’m My Own Grandpa” (sometimes rendered as “I’m My Own Grandpaw“) is a novelty song written by Dwight Latham and  Moe Jaffe, performed by Lonzo and Oscar in 1947, about a man who, through an unlikely (but legal) combination of marriages, becomes stepfather to his own stepmother — that is, tacitly dropping the “step-” modifiers, he becomes his own grandfather.

In the 1930s, Latham had a group, the Jesters, on network radio; their specialties were bits of spoken humor and novelty songs. While reading a book of  Mark Twain anecdotes, he once found a paragraph in which Twain proved it would be possible for a man to become his own grandfather. In 1947, Latham and Jaffe expanded the idea into a song, which became a hit for Lonzo and Oscar.

In the song, the narrator marries a widow with an adult daughter. Subsequently, his father marries the widow’s daughter. This creates a comic tangle of relationships by a mixture of blood and marriage; for example, the narrator’s father is now also his stepson-in-law. The situation is complicated further when both couples have children.

Although the song continues to mention that both the narrator’s wife and stepdaughter had children by the narrator and his father, respectively, the narrator actually becomes “his own grandpa” once his father marries the woman’s daughter.

  • The narrator marries the older woman.
    • This results in the woman’s daughter becoming his stepdaughter.
  • Subsequently, the narrator’s father marries the older woman’s daughter.
    • The woman’s daughter, being the new wife of the narrator’s father, is now both his stepdaughter and his stepmother. Concurrently, the narrator’s father, being his stepdaughter’s husband, is also his own stepson-in-law.
      • The narrator’s wife, being the mother of his stepmother, makes her both spouse and step-grandmother.
        • The husband of the narrator’s wife would then be the narrator’s step-grandfather. Since the narrator is that person, he has managed to become his own (step-step) grandfather. The “step-step” concept applies because the step-father of your step-mother would be your step-step-grandfather, making a “double step” event possible.

The song continues with

  • The narrator and his wife having a son.
    • The narrator’s son immediately becomes the half-brother of his stepdaughter, as the narrator’s wife is the mother of both.
      • Since his stepdaughter is also his stepmother, then the narrator’s son is also his own step-and/or half-uncle because he is the (half-) brother of his (step-) mother.
        • The Narrator’s son would then become a brother-in-law to the narrator’s father, because he is the (half-) brother of the father’s wife.
      • The narrator’s father and his wife (the narrator’s stepdaughter) then had a son of their own. The child would then become the narrator’s grandson because he is the son of his (step-) daughter.
        • The son would also become the (half-) brother of the narrator because his father is also the narrator’s.



“I’m My Own Grandpa”
Now, many many years ago
When I was twenty three
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be

This widow had a grown-up daughter
Had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
My daughter was my mother
‘Cause she was my father’s wife

To complicate the matters
Even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle
Though it made me very sad

For if he was my uncle
That also made him the brother
Of the widow’s grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother

I’m my own grandpa
I’m my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I’m my own grandpa

My father’s wife then had a son
That kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
For he was my daughter’s son

My wife is now my mother’s mother
And it makes me blue
Because, she is my wife
She’s my grandmother too

I’m my own grandpa
I’m my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I’m my own grandpa

Now, if my wife is my grandmother
Then, I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As the husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa

I’m my own grandpa
I’m my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I’m my own grandpa

I’m my own grandpa
I’m my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I’m my own grandpa

End of humor…

On the other hand, it must be remembered that Joan M Wheeler, had revised her life story, yet again, that includes more lies, fabrications, personal data and pictures and certainly NO humor, against both the adoptive and birth families. The new title is Duped by Adoption and to which, I have created a new blog and a Facebook page…check them out.


must always be aware of what Joan M Wheeler is up

Doesn’t Rene Hoksbergen have anything better to do, in his retirement, than to continue to USE Joan M Wheeler’s families as whipping posts in a NEW forward?

Originally posted on duped by adoption, a book study:

Or has Joan used him, again? One never really knows with Joan because she is a sneaky con-artist who is always rewriting her life story, which includes me and mine!

When the e-book, titled, Forbidden Family, My Life as an Adoptee, Duped by Adoption, was first put out, May 2015, and I when I purchased it in June 2015, it stated and still states ….  Rene Hoksbergen (Editor), Michael Allen Potter (Editor) I would guess that Joan will NOT be able to change what Amazon has placed there!

Inside the e-book, at Kindle Location 28, it states, ‘Formatting for Kindle: Michael Allen Potter’

That is misleading for he is NOT an editor; he just formatted the text into a kindle language.

And at location 8200, which is now GONE, as Joan removed four chapters, the location is now 6919 and it states, ‘I express my gratitude to the many editors who have…

View original 1,305 more words

There are many real and right reasons for the institution of adoption; regardless of what Joan M Wheeler, duped by adoption, thinks.

Joan dislikes it when she is ‘painted’ or ‘tainted’ by certain cultural-social attitudes. But she has no problems using her own ‘painted and tainted’ views as she misrepresents and exploits her family! Talk about double-standards.

One example of her ‘double-standard is how she portrays herself, via Facebook, as ‘self-employed’. Joan has NEVER been ‘self-employed’. She has only started to use that ‘term’ since 2014, once she got her ‘revised’ version of her first garbage book into e-book format. She fancies herself as a writer! She is on NY State disability because she has never learned to get over her hate and rage of being adopted. She used to describe herself as a social-worker, but of course she has NEVER held a job as one and we, the birth-sibs, have been telling everyone that she is NOT a social worker. So, that’s the reasons behind her being ‘self-employed’!

After the following comment of Joan’s I present my own comment

Joan Mary Wheeler  Works at Self-Employed

I am very glad that an adoptive mother who is also an adoptee wrote this article. However, no parent should have the legal right to redact their names from a birth certificate – no one has that right now so there should be no reason to redact a name just because someone wants to hide. A birth certificate records the facts of birth. Amended birth certificates were invented to legitimize the illegitimate while sealing the actual birth certificate so no one could find out the horrible secret. But all adoptees today are subjected to this law that makes no sense in today’s world. Many single women keep their babies and illegitimate babies are created by sperm donors, yet these illegitimate children keep their birth certificates. Many children of divorce are adopted by their step parents and these older kids lose their actual birth certificates and are given new ones reflecting the new father as if he sired the child. Children who were conceived within a marriage and taken into foster care for their safety do not lose their birth certificate unless they are adopted. Other children conceived within a marriage and who lose one or both parents to an early death – half or full orphans – only lose their birth certificates if they are adopted. I am a half orphan. My mother died when I was three months old. My father relinquished me to a closed adoption. He gave my birth certificate to my adoptive parents when he gave me to them. They gave me my Original Birth Certificate when I was 18 just days after my reunion with my natural family. I have in possession a certified copy of my sealed birth certificate, but I do not have the legal right to it. I have been fighting for my right – and those of 7 to 10 million other adoptees in America – since 1974. I have been mocked, ridiculed, shunned and stalked because of my activism. And yes, I have been saying for all these years that an Adoption Certificate should replace the amended birth certificate. I am not alone. All American adoptees had this right prior to 1930 when states began sealing and amending adoptees’ birth certificates.

Like · Reply · 6 · Dec 28, 2014 11:19pm

Gert Mcqueen · Jefferson Community College

Joan Mary Wheeler says…

‘Many children of divorce are adopted by their step parents and these older kids lose their actual birth certificates and are given new ones reflecting the new father as if he sired the child.’

There are REAL and RIGHT reasons for those types of adoptions as well as for other types. Just because this person doesn’t like adoption or how birth-certificates are done doesn’t give her the right to interfere with the decisions of others. She used her ‘skills and tactics’ in attempts to STOP the adoption of two children of ‘divorce’; my father’s and my own!

She also said…‘I have been mocked, ridiculed, shunned and stalked because of my activism.’

Perhaps, if she kept her nose out of other people’s lives and their decisions, be in it person or on the web, and if she wouldn’t continue to exploit family members…

Here’s the other side of the story…

Like · Reply · 27 mins

October 20, 2015…1 pm

and while you’re at it…check out my new blog and Facebook page     duped by adoption, a book study



Joan M Wheeler, duped by adoption, loves to tell her horrible story of adoption, but ONLY on her terms!

For Joan’s narcissistic delusional belief, that her adoption, is of the ‘great stuff’ of what’s wrong with adoption, that it MUST be told, for if known, it would change adoption in the world…talk about delusions!

Before I continue with the discussion/topic of this post I want to add an update. I have a new blog and a second Facebook page devoted to Joan’s new revision of her garbage book. They both are titled… duped by adoption, a book study, an in-depth analyzes of the book Forbidden Family My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption and the author’s first book Forbidden Family

Please check them out…NOW TO CONTINUE

The following comes from a discussion thread, of Sept 2010, on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum. On this forum many angry adoptees vocalize their HATRED of all things adoption, as well as, in a few rare cases, how they ought to ‘present’ themselves and their opinions, to many internet sites. But those that need to hear this and change their ways just ignore the advise, such as Joan M Wheeler. This thread was about a POV (point of view) program on PBS. It is no longer viable but there still some ‘info’ if you follow the link.

Public opinions, on any topic, can, and do, change over time, just as the way many ‘things’ are done and change over time. Changing the way a ‘thing’ is done works best when done in small stages versus an ‘all at once’ change. Did you ever have a new supervisor who ‘changed’ things over night? What happened? Internal chaos and rebellion and very little change.

The best way to ‘change’ public opinion is to give the different ‘point of view’ the TIME to be assimilated and acculturated into a society. Public opinions take longer to change than the way a ‘thing’ is done because of various generational thoughts within a population. And, a population, in a free democratic country, does not and will not accept browbeating, insulting, intimidating tactics.

PBS, like any ‘news’ publisher, have their own standards on content, presentation and who/what/how they publish. The adage ‘he who owes his printing press has freedom of expression’ has been the corner stone in this country long before it was a country; think Ben Franklin.

So if PBS presents a particular program they are in their rights to present it ‘from their point of view’. And, like it or not, they reserve the right to NOT publish or allow POVs that are contrary to what their POV is, particularly if it is ‘intentionally’ provocative in nature; think Joan M Wheeler.

There ARE many points on adoption reform (original birth certificates and knowing one’s medical history) that I am in favor of, but, my personal political views on the matters are not the focus here. My only focus is to show the negative behaviors of Joan M Wheeler and how she uses us, the birth family, to manipulate others and libel/slander us.

In the following thread you will see the thinking processes of these adoptees. We will see how an adoptee attempts to point out how Joan’s ‘pov’, her choice of words, could be changed to the better, so as to be ‘heard’ in a better light. But, Joan didn’t take the advise in 2010 and she still hasn’t, for she continues with her ‘hate’ speech rhetoric in 2015. It’s her way or no way. Since we got that libelous book pulled from publication, 2011, we’ve notice that more and more people, in the adoption reform community, have distanced themselves from Joan. Even with her insistence that she is ‘self-publishing’ her BOOK she may have had many a negative support for her ‘story’ and ‘book’.

UPDATE, since I first drafted this post, Joan HAS published a new version as an e-book, hence the NEED for a new blog and a Facebook page. 

I will BOLD certain parts, in the discussion thread, to indicate and reference back to the following points I’m making here. Joan M Wheeler is using her alias of 1adoptee.

My comments on these points…

Joan’s ‘story’ should be told, by PBS, because of it’s POV. Joan has always used hyperbole, sensationalism and exaggeration in telling anything. Fellow adoptees KNOW not the truth of Joan’s story because they have been fed only Joan’s pov. Adoptees don’t understand that Joan believes that her life-story should be, not only a book, but a movie! They don’t understand that Joan has several mental disturbances.

Adoptee (screen name Metro2176) points out to Joan and Mara that their language should be changed.

Diplomatic speech is not something Joan and Mara know or use. They are bullies and they like to shock, browbeat and intimidate people. Mara believes that the birth siblings of Joan (Gert and Ruth) are ‘unstable’ and more because we have DARED to tell the truth, our POV, against Joan, and they can’t stop us. Joan will never change her style! She loves to tell people ‘that pissed doesn’t begin to explain how I feel’. No, Joan and Mara are in love with their hate, so don’t waste your time with them trying to get them to calm down.

Note how Mara and Joan bounce off of each other and don’t want to edit themselves.

There are several infamous adoptees who gang-bully people who are, in any way, pro-adoption. From the first, when Joan entered the world of on-line adoptee forums and discussion groups, Mara was there, coaching Joan in the fine art of browbeating and Joan pick up the battle-sword and went after every individual person who adopted. Joan is a master at ‘projecting’ her POV onto everyone.

Note how Joan has to make sure EVERYONE understand every part of her story.

Everyone must totally understand all the details of Joan’s narrative! She is unique! Her life story WOULD save people from the horrors of adoption! This is why Joan spend 30 years of her life writing her story…instead of LIVING it. That is why, once she got that libelous book published and we the birth siblings found out, took action and got it PULLED FROM PUBLICATION, Joan went out of her way to inform everyone that her birth sisters are the bullies and crazy. Projection!

Note Joan’s lies and misrepresentation and her promotion of the book

Joan’s lack of common sense and decency informs how she conducts herself. She does not UNDERSTAND that just because her adoptive parents told her something, whether it is true or not, it SHOULD NOT be repeated, verbally or in print, for it slanders others.

There was NO Christmas tree/gifts given in the middle of the night! That is just another example of stories told to Joan by the adoptive parents. There is NO need to repeat a false rumor WITHIN a family! Joan’s indignation over these falsehoods CAUSE great harm to both sets of parents; the retelling of them is a form of malicious libel and slander. Joan’s continued retelling is a form of KIN KILLING!

(and now the thread/discussion itself)

Title: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: billyandme on September 22, 2010, 12:25:15 AM

Have you seen this? It was under the comments on my FB page since I liked POV Wo Ai Ni Mommy in order to comment about how much I disliked the whole IA thing. They want to hear your story now. But I truly wonder if they really want the truth. I’d like to send along something about how glad I am to have not been ripped from my natural family.

Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Mara on September 22, 2010, 09:33:50 AM Thanks for posting this! I commented. :gottabat2: Here’s the little nuggest I left: More “Fluff” And Free Adoption Propoganda It’s time to go the other direction instead of resorting to “fluff” to please the happy-dappy pro-adopters. It’s time that PBS uncover the realities of adoption that no one has yet to: The sealing and falsifying of an adopted child’s birth certificate. The truthful documentation of a child’s birth is sealed from him/her forever and a falsified “legal” one is created placing the adoptive parents as the child’s biological parents! Fabrications, lies…on LEGAL documents? Most regular joe’s who falsify identity documents in this country go to Federal Prison. The “Baby Scoop Era” and the familial and societal abuse that pregnant women endured and how they were forced into reliquishing their children or be shunned by their families and society.


Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: 1adoptee on September 22, 2010, 11:19:50 AM

Somebody should include research on how many domestic half and full orphans are adopted. I haven’t found a bloody thing to substantiate why I am included in a system meant to hide illegitimates. I was adopted, have the same emotional and legal problems as the majority of adoptees, but my birth was legitimate, yet my birth certificate was sealed and falsified. I don’t see the reason to separate siblings in adoption. I know siblings were routinely separated in the 30s, 40s, 50s — we need a documentary on this, too. And where do today’s half and full domestic orphans go? Foster care? Adoption? Guardianship? Heck, just the other day, a high school teacher was killed by a car that ran a red light. He left behind a wife and three small children. Because this was an immediate local news tragedy, evoking all kinds of sympathy for that widow and her children, how much you wanna bet that NO ONE approached her and said, “You can’t take care of your children, let me take them off your hands, I’ll adopt them”? Well, I’m mad as hell that not one, but two, people approached my widower father at wife’s funeral in 1956 and said: (Catholic priest) – “The baby needs two parents”. (Childhood friend of the deceased) – “I know someone who willl take your baby”. My father relinquished me exactly one month later and went on with his life while the other siblings were wondering what happened to their baby sister. Adoption did NONE of us any favors! Three and a half years later, my adoptive parents’ lawyers wrote to the Catholic Church that performed my Catholic baptism and requested a new baptismal certifcate in my new adoptivename so I could attend Catholic schools and receive the sacrements. The Church issued a signed and certified Baptismal certifcate showing that I, in my adoptive name, was baptised on my actual baptism date, but that legal identity did not even exist yet! One this certificate were the names of my godpparents – my natural motehr’s brother and his wife — and if the records were to be sealed, my adoptive parents got a baptismal certifcate not only full of lies,, but with the names of my blood uncle on it! No wonder I was never allowed to see this document when I asked who my godparents were! YES — a documentary on all the lies of adoption, all the cover ups, all the intentional deception by supposedly loving adoptive parents — this needs to be exposed. Do you think they’d do my story?

Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: billyandme on September 22, 2010, 12:24:57 PM

I would hope they’d do your story, Joan. I think it highlights the way society devalues fathers, for one thing. Being a bastard myself, with no paternal contact, I feel like it happens all too often. Plus, there was no reason for your identity to be changed. And the fact that greedy people where lurking at the funeral to snatch up a baby from a recent widower is just horrifying. It reminds me of that scene from “Buffalo Gals” where Calamity Jane has just seen the corpse of her lover and a childless couple comes along to ‘help’ her by adopting her infant. And the infant, btw, loses her amother to death only a few years later. Way to capitalize on another person’s tragedy, adoption industry. Remember “Full House”? On the show, Danny Tanner’s wife died tragically shortly after the birth of their third daughter. Well, the girls often dealt with the loss of their mother on the show. But the makers of that show didn’t see the need to have their father character find a couple to take his girls. Instead, he had his brother-in-law and his best friend move in to help parent.

Title:Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Metro2176 on September 22, 2010, 12:45:07 PM

Don’t get me started again!! I think our point needs to be made, if we really want it considered, in a very non-confrontational, detailed fashion with this group, any other approach will be construed as an attack and thought of only the opinion of angry, anti-adoption, crazy people. So if we want our position to be heard we must be careful. I have posted there before and wrote it with kidd gloves because I saw how they responded to comments that differed from their own opinions. Also, I think the best approach with this group is to tweak your comment “all the intentional deception by supposedly loving adoptive parents”, and make it “All you loving adoptive parents are intentionally deceived and lied to about important details” a little stroke to their ego and reverse psychology could work and make them think twice. These ‘do gooder’, appearance obsessed people need to know it’s not just the adoptee’s mental and emotional well being that will be affected… I have stated that I had a great adoption experience and wonderful afamily and I’m glad they raised me (especially now after learning what I have about my bmom and her ignoring me). But we have figured out since I received my identifying info. that my aparents were completely lied to on most details and others were sugar coated, in order to make me a more desirable commodity, which has really made my amom feel deceived and mad too (glad she adopted me but pissed she was lied to). So their ‘projects’ are not the only one who may be hurt in the long run and if they are lied to about medical, mental, enviromental or genealogical details, their pets my turn out to be more trouble than they expected. So they need to take interest in this as well!!! I think this point may help drive home how flawed the system/process is if they think it could affect them personally, since most of them seem pretty self absorbed. That’s probably the only way they will give any validity to our argument, since we all know that most of them really don’t care about the adoptee’s feelings on the issue (although they would never admit it).

Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Mara on September 22, 2010, 09:48:11 PM

I can’t “fluff” my comments, Metro. :mara: I didn’t get this smiley named after me for nothing. :mara: I think censoring ourselves in the public arena just continues the “happy adoptee” bullshit that the industry loves. The only place I would edit myself would be in front of legislators. I’ll avoid it, though, and leave it up to my comrades in arms who are much better at debates and persuasive conversating than I am. :blahblah: My experteeese is the mighty pen and paper or nowadays a computer and keyboard. :good:

Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: 1adoptee on September 22, 2010, 11:04:41 PM

Metro – maybe you don’t understand my situation. My adoptive parents knew all along that they took an infant from an existing sibling group! On the Christmas before I turned 1, and less than one month till my adoption was finalized, my adoptive parents went over to my father’s house with Christmas presents for my siblings and a Christmas tree. Nice going! Give presents and a tree in the dark of night while they were asleep, knowing full well that there would be an adoption decree preventing either them form contacting me or me from ever knowing my own full blood siblings were alive living six miles on the other side of town! All the damn while, for 18 years of my childhood, my extended adoptive family socialized with my dead mother’s borhters and sister and their kids — my blood aunts,, uncles and cousins! Oh,, and they all left my father out of this because the rumor was he killed my mother. No, she died of cancer. Talk about a fucked up story. Pay a visit to my website and you’ll see I wrote a book about the entire mess. I’ve got to get my courage up to write to the show. I do not want to sugar-coat what happened to me, but I promise I won’t be swearing. I can clean up my act and be a professional. I wrote a book and could use all the good publicity. What happened to me and my siblings, and to my adoptive parents (they were harassed by my own sisters after reunion), and my children and my ex-husband, well, this mess did not have to happen. My story illustrates that people, even in reunion,, have very strange misunderstandings and perceptions of what adoption is, and what the adoptee is supposed to feel and act …

Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Metro2176 on September 23, 2010, 12:41:32 PM

Mara, I certainly understand your point and let me make myself clear; I didn’t intend to imply that we should censor ourselves or put fluff in our stories. I only meant to choose our words carefully and not stoop to some of their levels (Peggy for example) in order to get the point across on this specific POV Facebook page. I have posted there and was careful to make my point in a non threatening way (as have others) and I pointed out how irrational they were being in responses to other comments- I tried to do it in a way as to not make them feel attacked, but make them feel bad and ignorant for being so rude and closed minded, I thought it was better (not great, but better) received than if I would have done it in a confrontational way and more post have been made since then that have been made this way and you can see the differences in some of the responses. Joan, I hate what you have gone through and yes, I have read your blog- I love it, so much detail and info, very impressive! You are a great example of someone who actually puts work into their cause. I wasn’t responding in regards to a specific story but to try to make a suggestion to get them to consider the negatives about many issues in adoption. I just thought if we made it personal for them and how they could be affected and make it clear that it’s not only the adoptees who are hurt and lied to, in some cases it’s the afamilies who are deceived as well. I thought if that was pointed out, made personal for them, maybe they would listen and see all the flaws in adoption as a whole and the need for major reform and that the idea for an entry to the series about these issues, the not so nice side of adoption, might be a good one. Maybe I’m wrong, I only recently started looking into/learning about theses issue, you are much more an expert on the subject and the best way to address it than I. I know we have differences in our personal opinions about adoption (because we had different experiences, I’m sure) and I think that’s ok, we both have been impacted by it even if it’s in different ways and I do care about all the issues, think reform is needed and they should too. I think that falsified birth certificates, sealed records, sibling separation and all the other negatives are unforgivable and should be exposed, but I personally don’t feel adoption is always the worst option, although I completely respect others opinion and think they’re very valid and should be heard. I will say I think the probability of them making an entry that really shows the raw, dark side and only shows the negatives or the anti-adoption, adoption abolishment movement is very unlikely, unfortunately, because it would be very impactful and why not highlight all sides? But if they would at least show some of it, I feel that’s better than nothing. Also, I did specifically make some comments because of responses to your posts and the way they treated you in the beginning- they were so closed minded, rude, insensitive and on the attack that I tried to make them feel like idiots for reacting/responding that way. I just think if this group gets any hint that they are being attacked, those post will be responded to in that way or completely disregarded- but they did get better because there is really no way to rebuttal the facts. I do think the stories should be told completely and nothing should be left out or changed and maybe the quote I suggested was a little too sugarcoated, maybe it should have read more like “You adoptive parents are sometimes the ones intentionally deceived and lied to about important details as well”. I don’t want anyone to think I am suggesting kissing up or making them feel good is the way to go, I just think using our words carefully or reverse psychology with some of these raptors on this particular page would be the most effective way to get the point across and get the people who made the series consider the idea. Does that make sense?

Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Metro2176 on September 23, 2010, 01:03:06 PM

I’m sorry Mara, I just read your comment on the POV site. I thought it was great and completely appropriate. And Joan, I really think you should post your story there and I just wish the award, rather than an iPad or iPod was the story would be showcased in the series… My comment above was really geared toward if we wanted to get the point through to the people on the wo ai ni mommy Facebook page and get the people to consider making an entry to the series about the the negative of adoption or a story not filled with only happy-dappyness.


Some things, that Joan Wheeler says, are just too good NOT to share.

Whether it is current activity or not, Joan has a habit of NOT paying attention to what she reads, how she comes across or what she says. Nor does she realize that what she has put out there on the internet is there for all times and shows her stupidity and self-centeredness; forever. The following is from 2010.

The comments you read here that are from on her website, Joan is using one of her screen names halforphan56. Then, the comments you read here that are from the forum for adultadoptees she is using 1adoptee. I know, I know…it is so difficult to keep track of what name she goes by, but it’s important to remember that she has ‘multiple personalities’ all of them hate anything related to pro-adoption!

I also realize that it can be tedious reading through the crap…it is for me…but…it is only by really looking at what Joan says and how she says it, can you see and understand what a nasty evil unhappy person she is and how much damage she does to everyone who adopts or is happy with their lives or who happen to hold a different opinion/view from Joan.

The first two items are a couple of posts she placed directly on her web site @..  

OKAY just noticed that the above site is her old one…here’s the current one

The second item is from the a google cache of a thread on the adultadoptees forum.

Notice how Joan has ‘jumped the gun’ with her outrage over an opinion of another, not only attributing a comment to the wrong person but then name calling the commentator as ‘prickly’! She also is ‘so disgusted and personally offended by the comments’! She then is ‘beating the drums’ and ‘calling for arms’ for other angry adoptees to go ‘over there’ and beat them up! And all the while making sure everyone knows that she has been ALL SHE CAN with this statement; ‘As soon as I recover and can take a breathe, I’ll be heading over there, again. This has been going on for days…’ And her constant drum beat of adoptees’ civil rights based on mythology is pathetic’  

Notice also what the commentator is saying…basically the same things that most reasonable people say…get a life, stop being so negative, get on with things, you are making others suffer, why? The birth sisters have been saying the same things! But these reasonable statements and opinions disgust and offend Joan Wheeler. No wonder Joan has a miserable life and people don’t want a relationship with her!

Now let’s take a look at what she says on the forum. I did delete comments by others, for they are not important to my discussion here. But I did leave a comment on one other for two reasons, because she shows a interesting point in the adoptee’s fight and she had, at one time, argued very bitterly with both myself and Ruth.

Joan saysI went to two civil rights attorneys here in Buffalo, New York

Gert says…she is on disability income which means she gets FREE legal advise. Ruth has told me stories of how Joan would bring tons of adoption related paperwork to a appointment with a lawyer that she and Joan had for a real estate venture (that didn’t work out) and before they were finished with the reason for the appointment, Joan pounced on the lawyer to take on her adoption issues! Joan has paid $ for an online lawyer! When will she learn NO ONE will take the case?

Joan saysOne attorney thought I was nuts, the other dragged his heels but took all our infor for three months.

Gert says…gee I’m shocked that someone would think that Joan is nuts! The other guy probably didn’t do an thing with her info…have you ever seen Joan’s ‘briefs’? I have! No one can make heads or tails out of them, what she wants or anything. She’s not just a run-on sentence, she’s a run-on book!

Joan says$175, 000.00 to start. gone in a poof. I am below poverty as I am disabled.

Gert says…that’s too bad! what does she think law-suits costs? Another pipe-dream gone, in a poof! That’s why these adoptee activists NEED to get to the legistature and file with them. Ordinary citizens or a group of people, that have no politician in their corner is going to get anywhere. Joan has been below poverty all her adult life! She NEVER did a thing with the 2 degrees that she got from the adoptive parents. She’s so messed up, physically and mentally, after years of bitter angry fighting that she will never be anything up poverty. She’s been looking for years for that sugar daddy to come along and save her.

Joan saysIf you know of HOW to start the real fight and win, please tell us! Several of us want to be in on a real solution.  I want the job done for all

Gert says…well they might as well as settle for nothing, cause the world is NOT going to get rid of adoption!

Joan saysI think we are all pretty pissed about it

Gert says….yep they are nothing but a bunch of really pissed off angry adoptees

Joan saysChange dot org has a thread…

Gert says…and they don’t get a thing done. Like all petitions they need over 10,000 signatures in a month to even get off the ground. If it has happen by now, 2014, it ain’t going to get done with them!

and from…HeatherUK:
I remember in the early nineties donating money to ALMA for a potential class action suit. I don’t think it ever happened. At that time I didn’t really understand the politics of adoption

It IS time we gave it another shot, but with people like ACLU and Civil Liberties lawyers not getting it, it’s like swimming against the tide.

Gert says…hey if it hasn’t happened by now, I doubt that it will. Seems to me that if someone donated money to any organization they ought to have their monies refunded if the job wasn’t done! I don’t know about HeatherUK but I don’t have any money to give away!

It probably is true…your cause is ‘swimming against the tide’ the tide being…ADOPTION is here to stay, always was and always will be. That’s why there are people like ACLU and Civil Liberties lawyers…they KNOW what can and can not be accomplished. Certainly, browbeating anyone who is pro-adoption is NOT a game winner. And those that are engaging in these tactics are a black eye on their own movement.

Here then are the site links and comments…

Two Important Discussions on Adoptees Civil Liberties and Debate with ACLU-NJ

On September 2, 2010, in

Adoptee Birth Certificates, Adoptee True Sealed Birth Certificate, Adoptees’ Civil Rights, mutual consent registries, Natural Mothers, Original Birth Certificate, by halforphan56

Sorry, the two comments I quoted in the previous post were not made by Deborah Jacobs, executive director of ACLU of New Jersey, they were made by a prickly commentator. I was so disgusted and personally offended by the comments, I misread the names.

This is the letter written by Deborah Jacobs, executive director of the ACLU of New Jersey. Pay a visit and leave your comments. As soon as I recover and can take a breathe, I’ll be heading over there, again. This has been going on for days…

ACLU critic ends up praising the organization

and don’t forget to check back with Peter Franklin’s Letter and discussio over at the following link, about the same topic:

Where are adoptees’ civil liberties?

The blatant disreguard of adoptees’ civil rights based on mythology is pathetic…

Deborah Jacobs of ACLU (NJ) Takes a Heated Stand in Comments: We need to fight back!

On September 2, 2010, in

Adoptee Birth Certificates, Adoptees’ Civil Rights, Amended Birth Certificate, Original Birth Certificate, by halforphan56

Where are adoptees’ civil liberties?

By Peter Franklin

August 30, 2010

From Comments section:

Prisicilla151 wrote:

I’ll answer that. To adoptee and birthparents who want records open it is only about them. Birthparents who followed the rules and did it right don’t matter. And adoptees who wish to stay anonymous are traitors.
Here is what I believe. Adoptees are adoptees are adoptees. They got a life and most likely a better life then what their birthparent could give them at that time. The adoptive parent and birthparent chose a closed adoption in their best interest. As an adult we don’t agree with every choice our parents made but we have to live with it.
Birthparents with regrets. To bad once the birth certificate was sealed it was done. It was your job to decide what was right for you, choose an open adoption if you want contact.
While I sympathize with their needs. Find a way without stepping on the birthmothers who followed the rules made an educated choice knowing the consequences. Keep working for birthmoms who want to remain anonymous, thank you Deborah Jacobs and ACLU.

Prisicilla151 wrote:

Dead parents deserve to rest in peace. If the law was that birth certificate should remain sealed when she died they should remained sealed.

Find a way to bring adotee and birthparents together without hurtiing the birthparent who followed and is willing to follow the rule as it was written. Why do the 95 % need to be punished.. you made the wrong choice there are many things that are not a do over when you change your mind. I don’t want to undermine or deminish the feelings of birthmom or adoptee who feel the need for a birth certificate but why is it the birthmom who wants to remain anonymous who followed the rules that need to be punished. That is why ACLU is looking out for the rights of birthmoms. They are willing to compromise in a fair way. Adoptees and birthmom’s who now changed her mom don’t want that they just want it all.
9/2/2010 3:21:36 PM

end of what was on her web site

the following is from the forum of about the date of Sept 2010

I went to two civil rights attorneys here in Buffalo, New York this past summer and had two adoptees send me info and articles to re-open the fight as a class action suit. (AMLA lost a class action lawsuit in the 1970s) One attorney thought I was nuts, the other dragged his heels but took all our infor for three months. Finally he said that the only way he’ll take the case for not only opening ALL AMERICAN ADOPTEES sealed birth certificates but TO END THE PRACTICE OF FALSIFYING NEW BIRTH CERTIFICATES as well for $175, 000.00 to start. This would have been a fight from local registrars of vital statistics to the US Supreme court…gone in a poof. I am below poverty as I am disabled.

I have all of my documents, too, situation is a bit different than yours however. But, the point is that while I HAVE all of my documents (my adoptive mother had them from when my father gave me to my arents in 1956), certified copies (not uncertified bullshit genealogical copies for information only), I still do not have the legal right to obtain my sealed birth certificate. I have all of my adoption papers, too, as I petitioned for them as you did after my reunion and I could prove that no information contained in the files would reveal any harmful info. The fact still remains that my identity was stolen and I want my falsified birth certificate declared null and void. I want an adoption certificate to replace it stating my facts of my adoption because that is how I became who I am today. I want my original birth certificate reinstated AS my birth certificate.

So you want to fight it all? SO DO I and probably everyone on these threads…this website.

If you know of HOW to start the real fight and win, please tell us! Several of us want to be in on a real solution. This talk is only helping us talk about it; I want the job done for all adoptees in America, domestic and foreign born..

Billyandme: an adoptive cousin of mine found out at the age of 47 that the father who raised him was not his father…name not on his birth certificate and he can’t find the true identity of his father. The birth certificate IS important so we could use your help, too!

I think we are all pretty pissed about it…Change dot org has a thread…I’ll find it and post it here later.

I remember in the early nineties donating money to ALMA for a potential class action suit. I don’t think it ever happened. At that time I didn’t really understand the politics of adoption, I was still in shock from being told I had no right to information about my own birth and felt I’d done something very wrong just for asking. Is there anywhere I can find details of what happened when they lost the suit in the 1970s?
It IS time we gave it another shot, but with people like ACLU and Civil Liberties lawyers not getting it, it’s like swimming against the tide.


What is SO compelling about Joan M Wheeler’s book, DUPED BY ADOPTION?

Originally posted on duped by adoption, a book study:

I just placed ANOTHER point on the discussion thread for Joan’s book.

Go to Amazon

Look at the six reviews and my comments to them, then look at the discussion that I started.

If you are so moved, PLEASE contribute to the discussion.

Your post: Sep 23, 2015 3:11:47 PM PDT  a purchaser says:

Compelling! On this discussion I quoted the author of the ‘forward’, Rene Hoksbergen, of this book (My life as an adoptee duped by adoption) and asked a question.

4) `A life story of an adoptee can be very compelling. This is definitely the case with Joan Wheeler’s account.’ … why? What is so compelling about her account?

Heather Kuhn answered… ‘In terms of “What is so compelling about her account?” I would say, that is all the MORE reason for people to read the book!’

Of course, neither person seemed to tell…

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Review #six (6) of ‘Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption’ by Joan M Wheeler

Originally posted on duped by adoption, a book study:

I’m flabbergasted and dumbfounded!

There really isn’t much more I can say at this junction. Here’s the review and my comment both of which are on Amazon.

Thank you for veing a vpice for adoptees. A great book

ByGINA MILLER “redbyrde2000”on September 17, 2015

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Thank you for writing a true account of adoptee life. All too often adoptee’s stories are silenced and only then stories of the biological patents or the adoptive parents are listened to. Yet adoptees are the only victims of a trauma (separation from family) in which they are not only expected to never grieve or look for their missing family, but to show gratitude to the family that separated them. Thank you Joan for the voice you provided to adoptees. Keep fighting for us to get our birth certificates, a right that we are allowed under the 15th amendment…

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Review number five (5) of Joan M Wheeler’s garbage e-book, ‘Forbidden Family, my life as an adoptee, duped by adoption’; and my initial comment!


review #5 for that garbage revised book

Originally posted on duped by adoption, a book study:

Birds of a feather…yep there are no shortages of angry adoptees that believe just like Joan does.

Come one, come all, I’ll answer you! While I can ‘understand’ your anger and betrayal, that doesn’t give you a blank check to use and abuse me and my family. Doesn’t matter to me, how many adoptees see Joan’s ‘point of view’ there are many others, that don’t. They may not speak out publically; one has here on Amazon. Even if they don’t, that doesn’t mean they are not out there and believe like I do, that this book is worse than garbage. Nope this book shall never be a best-seller, so knock yourselves out NOW, cause there will not be another chance.

Here’s the latest, from another angry adoptee…

Thinking of Adoption? Read this book. Format: Kindle Edition “Duped by Adoption”
By Heather Kuhn on September 2, 2015

This is an excellent book…

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(3 of 3) What ‘duped by adoption’ Joan M Wheeler’s ‘friends’ have to say about her latest piece of garbage; reviewer number three.


and the saga continues…please do follow my new blog

Originally posted on duped by adoption, a book study:

I am placing each reviewer, and my comment to their review, in three separate posts, for they each are worth a post of their own. This introduction paragraph will be used for each one, as the necessary background needed if the posts are read out of order. Of course there are others, # 4 has already been posted and #5 will also have their post.

When I first saw and then purchased Joan’s latest remake of OTHER peoples’ lives, there were no reviews. It wasn’t until AFTER she saw that I quoted her, on a news site, that she announce it and promote it. Once she did that I went back to Amazon and placed a review, which subsequently was removed because I ‘know’ the author! My name was removed, via Amazon, on my comments to the reviewers to read ‘a purchaser’. That’s Amazon’s policy!

One of the three reviewers…

View original 1,384 more words


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