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Jealously and punishment…Joan Wheeler’s versions

by on July 26, 2011
Jealously and punishment…
 
The big picture…and how Joan Wheeler fits into it, is something Joan Wheeler never has been able to see!
 
Is a person’s life today the same as it was 10 years ago or 40 years ago or 60 years ago? Is it right and reasonable to see and judge what a person has in 2010 and say and believe that is what was there in 1956? And then demand compensation for lost years, years that you are NOT entitled to!
 
In the now proven libelous book, that was pulled from publication by the publisher, Joan Wheeler’s hateful rants and rages are full of profound misconceptions used to promote her agenda against adoption. If someone is not aware of Joan’s misconceptions or has had only a slight association with her, they usually can’t understand why we sisters, in particular, are so incensed with the book she wrote. Joan’s conceptions of life are not only baffling and absurd they are down right scary in their assumptions!
 
In a post, here on this blog on Feb 14, 2010, relating to Chapter 38, I addressed some of those misconceptions. As with everything, that is in that book and in her brain, there are major misconceptions and wrong headed judgments and assessments to prove her views. It will take quite awhile to show and address them all, but that is what we will do on this blog…. 
 
Here I address a particular misconception and judgment…that being…how Joan judges her life’s circumstances before and after her adoption…and then her placing those judgments as an indictment against adoption.
 
In putting forth any kind of professional position the proper use of assessments and judgments needs to be without prejudice and malice and must be within proper guidelines. If they are not, it is called ‘junk science’, that is what Joan Wheeler’s positions are…at best junk science at worst the ramblings of a mentally compromised individual.
 
A person can not take their own views, opinions, prejudices and biases and make them the bases for a argument for reform or change. Even if a person has a legitimate cause the use of personal biases, misconceptions and hatred will taint the very cause for reform. Is it any wonder that Joan Wheeler has not gotten major support, from major adoption reform agencies, since the book came out! Sure you can point to the fact that our discussing of Joan’s words and deeds on this blog and elsewhere contributes to that, the lack of support for Joan, and that is our whole point. Joan Wheeler is detrimental to any kind of serious reform action. It is our recommendation that Joan Wheeler should be avoided at all costs!
 
In the following adoptee forum comment we see evidence of Joan’s core jealousy of her birth family’s life without her. This jealousy is, I believe, a root cause of her hatred. Joan was without a doubt brought up with a series of severe prejudices that were then coupled with more severe misjudgments and misconceptions. Living with all of that certainly does not make a healthy mind-set. But, as an adult, Joan Wheeler certainly had the options, as every adult has, to reverse those negative aspects of her own upbringing. Change your mind, change your life. But, Joan Wheeler did not. Instead she insists that her view/opinion is correct and she goes out of her way to prove it, so much so that she only proves her own mental defects and doesn’t even realize that that is what she does.
 
As usual, the following comment, is tainted with her point of view which does not reflect any kind of reality. Joan’s ‘pity me’ attitude colors everything related to what the adopted/birth parents did or did not do and what the siblings had or didn’t have that Joan was not a part of. This is the classic ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ view of life that never accomplishes any positive outcome. And because of that type of view and her jealousy she can’t help but punish us siblings for what she never had. I have additional observations after we see Joan’s own words which are in italic.
 
 
Title: Re: if you had an open adoption…
Post by: 1adoptee on October 07, 2010, 03:30:56 PM

Quote “I wonder how it makes him feel – to read about our ‘accomplishments’ and life without him?”
I know the above quote is about an open adoption, but I can tell you how it feels to be reunited with a natural family at age 18 (36 years ago) and be told what they did without me — it feels terrible. More money, more security, more children, a house, laughter and love — all without me. Yep, just sign on the dotted line and we’ll take your kid. Who gives a crap what the kid feels? Oh, I’m supposed to be grateful that I was raised as an only child when I had full blood siblings that my aparents didn’t want me to know? What’s the exchange rate on adoptee’s psychological well-being?
Sorry, just in a real foul mood reading this stuff today. No adoption is best.
 

We see here how Joan changes the topic at hand, from someone else to herself…’but I can tell you how it feels’. One-upmanship at its best! She must always take the stage from someone else…jealously and loneliness….no one has had it worst than Joan! Don’t let it be said that Joan doesn’t take every opportunity to regurgitate about her bad lot in life. Not only is it a constant broken record theme it is truly nauseating.

Then we see the important issue of Joan’s jealousy, the ‘more money, more security, more children, a house, laughter and love all without me‘. This is part and parcel of Joan’s jealousy which turns to hate for and to those that had what she never had and further more it is the reason BEHIND HER AGENDA for adoption reform. To her mind, being adopted means she didn’t have TWO FAMILIES, she didn’t get to have her cake and eat it too!

What Joan is saying is like comparing what a person had with a spouse before the divorce and what the second spouse has, that the first spouse didn’t have and then wishs to have it again. I know personally how it feels to see my ex-husband and his next wife have all the things I wanted, when I was married to him but didn’t have and never had the chance to have because we DIVORCED. But, I also know that if I was still married to him I would still have the same problems and trouble areas as before…because you can’t judge a current circumstance with what you remember from an earlier time. Life changes! People change! Nothing stays the same! If you got divorced, or adopted out, your life and everyone else’s lives changed and you can’t go back!

At best you can look at those situations with a ‘bittersweet’ aspect of life! But confusing the before and after and making it all ONE, is a travesty of misjudging people over their entire life and not seeing a person’s circumstances from one point to another and appreciating that entirely of a life. Then when it is presented as Joan does here and everywhere, it draws a picture that is just not correct, in other words it is a lie. And Joan exploits these misconceptions and lies to promote her ego-centric jealous hate for others.

Life circumstances are always changing…good times can change in a heart beat. What Joan is saying here and in her heart and brain, is that when she was adopted she lost out of More money, more security, more children, a house, laughter and love that her siblings had! Not only is this totally wrong of the facts of life circumstances, it IGNORES the very fact that when adoption occurs, one parent’s responsibilities are removed and another parent takes up that responsibility. And, the adopted child or parent CAN NOT and OUGHT NOT look at and to the birth parent for something they DID NOT have when the child was adopted out! That’s a form of blackmail!

Joan is in favor of open-adoption, like a one-size fits all thing. From what I’ve seen about such a proposal it sounds very very dangerous to me. Life is too complicated now for some people with one family and if you give them two sets of families that will really screw them up, look at Joan for instance! To insist that because she was adopted in a ‘closed adoption’ some how she lost out is ridiculous. She can’t come back later in life and claim any amount of monetary support just because she was adopted…out. And she can’t compare apples and oranges…the before adoption and after reunion life with her birth father are two very different times and circumstances.

In Joan’s case…her view and this comment ignores the truth of the matter…my father and his children did not have more money, security, a house, laughter and love. Well yes, we did have laughter and love, along the way with all the pain that was in our lives…types of pain that Joan never had. How come see doesn’t lament that? How come it’s only the ‘good things’ in our lives that she laments never having? 

When Joan was ‘found’ and ‘reunited’ with her birth family what she saw in the family was NOT there at the time of her birth and adoption. What my father had or didn’t have in 1956 was far different from what he had in 1974, when Joan was found and we were reunited. She can not legitimately state that what she saw in 1974, or any time since then to the present, were the same conditions that existed in 1956. This position of Joan’s has been placed in her reasoning by the adoptive mother and Joan NEVER sees beyond what was placed in her head nor can she see pass her own nose to reality and the big picture!

The truth of the matter is that my father worked two jobs, for many many years, supporting birth and step children at home and also when they were placed in foster care and orphan homes. My father lost, after the death of his first wife, both his parents who cared for his children before their own illnesses and deaths. He had to deal with the mental illness of a second wife and he became a widower TWICE. Joan would have been about 9 years old when my father brought his house. Where would Joan have been if she stayed in our family from 1956 to 1965? She would have been living with various aunts, uncles, grandparents and then in foster care and/or an orphan home, like the rest of us! She would have experienced severe episodes of mental illness within the home by a step-mother. Then, if she lived in the house with the rest of the siblings, she would have had to do the cooking and cleaning with the rest of them. Then she would have had to live with yet another step-mother. Then, when the neighborhood changed due to crime, she would have had to move to an apartment or get out on her own. Yep, Joan missed out on the ‘grass is greener on the other side’.

Joan’s way of thinking is like a person seeing another family with a new car, nice apartment/home with nice furniture, nice cloths, jobs, etc. and thinks that that family is ‘wealthy’. What Joan never sees is the years of working and saving and going without to get there. She never sees the bills and debts that have to be paid to have those nice things. All she sees is someone ‘better off’ than her and because they are family she feels she has a right to their wealth. Joan Wheeler is a very materialist jealous person. Her libelous book details many of her jealousies and how she felt entitled to her share…regardless of the fact that she was NOT a legal member of our family.

She projects this jealousy onto everyone and every situation, in that lying book and elsewhere and then cries ‘oh poor me’! When Joan was adopted, the RULES, then and now, were that someone (the parent) had to be home all the time to care for the infant (and no babysitter) and the adoptive mother had quit working to stay home raising a child…that’s what that couple wanted to do when they adopted. That woman volunteered to quit work…therefore didn’t have any retirement of her own. My father relinquished Joan, as an infant, BECAUSE there was no one that could take care of Joan the infant. That is one major point for adoption…because there is no one to care for the infant AND there is a couple that will care for the infant.  

Then years later, when the adopted father dies and his widow is then on a fixed income that woman puts envy, hate and anger into Joan for years and years…if we believe even half of what Joan says. If the adoptive parents were considered about any future economic stress they should NOT have adopted. Joan herself as an adult contributed to her adoptive mother’s economic stress by taking from her all Joan’s life! That woman supported Joan and Joan’s children. Joan continues today to live in the very house she was raised in since 1957! And Joan has the gall to say she missed out on a house!

Joan, now her 50’s, has had a life of misery, poor physical and mental health and is on disability. Joan refused to get any kind of long-term employment, therefore she never had any form of a retirement, never put anything into Social Security and because of her mental instability qualifies for disability. Then she decides that she ‘will write about her life’ to make money! Nothing like exploiting the family!

But Joan, not seeing the big picture, doesn’t realize that beside the important part of what the family will say and do about such a book…this blog for instance…she also doesn’t realize that WHILE she is on SSI disability from New York State, she would have to sell a whole lot of books to make enough to get off SSI and until she did that the state will TAKE their share of any income she may earn. Talk about not doing your homework before jumping into something…but…she never did think anything out.

One of many unbelievable situations that Joan discusses in the book is how she browbeats and tries to con my father into giving her money, which she never got…what she did get was to be shown the door. She discusses, in very deep detail, how the adoptive mother spoke about  my father and his ‘wealth’ in comparison to their ‘limited economic status’. Joan needs car repairs she demanded money from my father for it. He told her, quite rightly, that that was her responsibility not his. He never drove and therefore never had to pay for a car, repairs or insurance…he is not the only person either. But, to Joan and her adoptive mother there was something very wrong in his thinking, to them. Joan mocks my father’s decisions for not having a car as a reason FOR him to pay for her repairs (ie. he has the money to give her). The adoptive mothers rants saying that for 18 years she and her husband were my father’s babysitter and now that they are in need he (my father) won’t help them.  

Joan wanted my father to pay her and her adoptive mother compensation for all the years that the adoptive parents supported her…she was his responsibility…so the adoptive mother told Joan…they really were only babysitting her for him. And this is the kind of bullshit that Joan expects everyone to believe is the reason why adoption is wrong! 

 Yep, just sign on the dotted line and we’ll take your kid. Who gives a crap what the kid feels? What’s the exchange rate on adoptee’s psychological well-being?

 And this kind of idiotic thinking is correct and reasonable!  Joan’s use of assessments and judgments here are full of prejudice and malice and were written in the middle 2009 in the draft manuscript of the book that was then published in November. The publisher NEVER saw that chapter’s many many rewrites in which Joan puts forth this crap! Obviously this particular adoptee (Joan) has a very disjointed view of life and reality, certainly those views were put in her mind by another, the adoptive mother, but that does not excuse Joan’s continued use of misrepresenting and exploiting a family…for monetary gains…as well as trying to use the family to promote a wrong-headed view of opposition to adoption.

 Sorry, just in a real foul mood reading this stuff today. No adoption is best.

 And she is in a foul mood!!! Than why doesn’t she change her mind and NOT read about it! No she loves her misery and she can’t change her mind because she has a very limited view of life. Joan does not have a big picture of the world, can’t imagine any other kind of life except the one she has self-created.

Eight months later, from the above forum comment, to just the other day…we see that Joan is fixated on her visions and versions of why she has psychological problems…well she can keep them…as long as she NEVER AGAIN speaks ill of me and my family. If she does…I’ll be right there to slap her down!! 

« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2011, 05:33:31 PM »
 

Ask your counselor about abandonment issues. Adoptees have to cope with being abandoned in reality. Don’t let a therapist tell you it’s in your head because that’s not true. You really were abandoned and facing that, coping with it, and incorporating being abandoned in your life is the goal of adoption counseling. There are identity issues as well, such as having two names and two families. This makes it difficult for an adoptee to find an understanding therapist, one who knows how to deal with adoptees’ issues. Good luck!
 
And finally the questions are…has Joan Wheeler found a understanding therapist that knows how to deal with adoptee’s issues? If so…why is she still ranting and raving about her lot in life? If she has not found such a therapist, than just want does the therapist that she does have…do for her? Sure sounds like a great career choice to me…become a understanding therapist who knows how NOT to deal with adoptee’s issues!
 

I just said in the 4th paragraph above:

“In a post, here on this blog on Feb 14, 2010, relating to Chapter 38, I addressed some of those misconceptions”

this refers to the refuting blog…as I have only just now opened up my own blog…

I also said in the same paragraph:
“It will take quite awhile to show and address them all, but that is what we will do on this blog…”

And there are many many posts just waiting to be posted…stay tuned.

  • excellant post gert.
    i wish i didn’t have this hand injury – cos i got a lot to say about this post and stuff that isn’t in the post, but is related, but i can’t type. this one key at a time thing is for the birds.

     
  • Thank you!
    Yep, I know all about being ‘one-handed’, been there, done that…3 months of it…both wrists (carpul tunnel)…got to be patience…but I wonder…if you just was looking for a way for me to get busy and get a BLOG!

    So don’t worry…there will be plenty of time for you to reply to this post and others, when you gain your hand again…

     

     

  • hey – u gonna get a graphic for your blog – oh wise woman of the runes?
    i figured out the moon graphic on refuting.. came with the theme – i forgot. still looking for a good pic for the midnight blogsite – found one with a black cat – will go nice with poe’s story.
    if i could just get this blasted cast off my hand
    in the meantime – i’m going back to my couch – tired today – will put in dvd of young indiana jones – his advenures in ww1 africa and meeting humanitarian albert scwietzwer – who’s motto – reverence for life — should f’ing be adhered to by joan and those tantrum throwing adoptees should learn.
    they hate their birth mother, they hate their adoptive mothers they hate themselves, they hate their siblings – good grief – i understand anger – i was angry at god for taking my only child – but being perpetually angry ain’t gonna bring him back – or honor him – so i may feel sad at times. but eaten up with foolish anger and impossible what if’s? nope, not me.
    maybe that’s what joan is jealous about us sippel sisters – we have strength of character – she is just a weak mass of whimpering, whining bullshit. – and she knows it.

     
    •  

      actually I have an idea of pictures in mind for my new blog…our mother and father! I shall be working on that!

       
      • perhaps you should up the SIPPEL family portrait. you know the one i mean – with mr. and mrs. leonard siipel and their 4 kids, gert, kathy, len jr. and ruth. the picture that joan STOLE and put it on the back of her book, a picture that was taken in 1955, BEFORE joan was even existed and has NO legal rights to, NO copyrights to, NO moral right to slap it on a book an try to make money off of.

        readers – when trafford publications found this out – it was part of the evidence we sent them to show that joan’s book violated the terms of the contract between joan and trafford – therefore, they TERMINATED publication of the book. it was due SOLELY to joan’s breach of contract that caused her book to be pulled from print. no lawyer representing joan was needed. she violated the contract. that’s all that was needed.
        send a lwyer to me joan – and i will show them the actual city court documents that prove that you further violated your contract by falsely accusing me of a crime, falsely reporting that i was charged and convicted of a crime.
        sorry joni baby – you blew your own contract.

        gert, i say we take BACK sippel family property – from someone who isn’t even a legal [or moral] sippel — OUR family photo.

         

         

  • I agree…our parents…before their marriage, their wedding picture and OUR family picture before ‘she who stole our family’s honor and held it hostage’ by putting OUR FAMILY on a cover of a hateful manifesto against adoption and everyone related to her.

    As soon as I learn more and have the time…those pictures shall be on this blog’s home page.

     

     

 
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7 Comments
  1. I just said in the 4th paragraph above:

    “In a post, here on this blog on Feb 14, 2010, relating to Chapter 38, I addressed some of those misconceptions”

    this refers to the refuting blog…as I have only just now opened up my own blog…

    I also said in the same paragraph:
    “It will take quite awhile to show and address them all, but that is what we will do on this blog…”

    And there are many many posts just waiting to be posted…stay tuned.

  2. excellant post gert.
    i wish i didn’t have this hand injury – cos i got a lot to say about this post and stuff that isn’t in the post, but is related, but i can’t type. this one key at a time thing is for the birds.

  3. Thank you!
    Yep, I know all about being ‘one-handed’, been there, done that…3 months of it…both wrists (carpul tunnel)…got to be patience…but I wonder…if you just was looking for a way for me to get busy and get a BLOG!

    So don’t worry…there will be plenty of time for you to reply to this post and others, when you gain your hand again…

  4. hey – u gonna get a graphic for your blog – oh wise woman of the runes?
    i figured out the moon graphic on refuting.. came with the theme – i forgot. still looking for a good pic for the midnight blogsite – found one with a black cat – will go nice with poe’s story.
    if i could just get this blasted cast off my hand
    in the meantime – i’m going back to my couch – tired today – will put in dvd of young indiana jones – his advenures in ww1 africa and meeting humanitarian albert scwietzwer – who’s motto – reverence for life — should f’ing be adhered to by joan and those tantrum throwing adoptees should learn.
    they hate their birth mother, they hate their adoptive mothers they hate themselves, they hate their siblings – good grief – i understand anger – i was angry at god for taking my only child – but being perpetually angry ain’t gonna bring him back – or honor him – so i may feel sad at times. but eaten up with foolish anger and impossible what if’s? nope, not me.
    maybe that’s what joan is jealous about us sippel sisters – we have strength of character – she is just a weak mass of whimpering, whining bullshit. – and she knows it.

    • actually I have an idea of pictures in mind for my new blog…our mother and father! I shall be working on that!

      • perhaps you should up the SIPPEL family portrait. you know the one i mean – with mr. and mrs. leonard siipel and their 4 kids, gert, kathy, len jr. and ruth. the picture that joan STOLE and put it on the back of her book, a picture that was taken in 1955, BEFORE joan was even existed and has NO legal rights to, NO copyrights to, NO moral right to slap it on a book an try to make money off of.

        readers – when trafford publications found this out – it was part of the evidence we sent them to show that joan’s book violated the terms of the contract between joan and trafford – therefore, they TERMINATED publication of the book. it was due SOLELY to joan’s breach of contract that caused her book to be pulled from print. no lawyer representing joan was needed. she violated the contract. that’s all that was needed.
        send a lwyer to me joan – and i will show them the actual city court documents that prove that you further violated your contract by falsely accusing me of a crime, falsely reporting that i was charged and convicted of a crime.
        sorry joni baby – you blew your own contract.

        gert, i say we take BACK sippel family property – from someone who isn’t even a legal [or moral] sippel — OUR family photo.

  5. I agree…our parents…before their marriage, their wedding picture and OUR family picture before ‘she who stole our family’s honor and held it hostage’ by putting OUR FAMILY on a cover of a hateful manifesto against adoption and everyone related to her.

    As soon as I learn more and have the time…those pictures shall be on this blog’s home page.

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