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Plenty of Lies told by Joan Wheeler part one

by on August 4, 2011
Lies, told by Joan Wheeler…plenty of lies… part one
by Gert McQueen
This post was written in early spring 2010 and emailed to Ruth on Mon, May 10, 2010 2:27:20 PM and edited here Aug 2011

 (3) plenty of lies
Gert McQueen
To: Ruth Pace

Chapter 26, called, hard to live presently when history is told in pieces, in that lying book by Joan Wheeler Forbidden Family contains plenty of lies.

“The mind is everything, what you think, you become.” ….Buddha

What happens when real people don’t match the storyline that was created for them by someone else? Lies; plenty of lies.

The title of this chapter does indicate the confusion and lack of continuity that is in Joan’s mind. She will say that it is because she is ‘adopted’, but, I don’t think that Joan can blame it all on adoption. No, Joan intentionally misrepresents and lies when telling stories about other people. Why? Because everyone must fit into her storyline regardless of the truth.

One major problem Joan has is that she is never living presently, because she always is in the past, is always looking for something that is not there, and she always misses the now. And of course Joan is not done with making sure that her version, of the past, is accepted, in this book, and so she has to keep repeating it several times, in many ways. The effect is like a roll-coaster ride, going up and around and down and back up until you are sick to your stomach. And the reader can’t keep it all straight and they end up just believing what Joan writes or says. But, you know, if you tell a lie enough times, you begin to believe the lie. And someone will eventually catch you in it.

Joan starts this chapter, pg 285, off again with a visit and conversation with Dad. There are so many of these ‘conversations’ with Dad that I suspect that they were ‘created’ by Joan to fill more and more pages, for she does like to ramble on and on and on…

But, as she writes that she showed Dad her ‘…file boxes, one for each year or group of years…from these…compiled outlines for my book…files of correspondence…’ Then they talked about his family. For the second time Joan states ‘…he said nothing about his father’s family.’ He then tells her some childhood tales. But on pg 286/287 she then has Dad saying, again, the same wrong information. Joan asserts that Dad talked about his second wife Josephine. She has these words coming from my father’s mouth ‘…I didn’t forget Josephine…she was free when your mother died, that’s why we got married so soon after…a week after your mother died I looked her up…she was divorced so I asked her …marrying…’ That’s not correct, Josephine was always free, she had never been married before my father, she never was divorced. Joan is repeating a lie in order to make it true. *see my post Joan Wheeler’s loss of reason, in which I give the truth about Josephine.

Pg 287, relates about my mother’s dying and Joan’s birth, coming from my father’s mouth, via Joan, including how Mom actually delivered Joan herself. Pg 288 seems to have contradicts in the narrative that Joan herself has contradicted else where in the book! She tells so many lies that she can’t remember what lie she told when! She makes a point of pointing that out, to cover her ass ‘…now, I wasn’t sure which version was correct.’ When my father has related, to me, about my mother’s dying, he never described it in the way that Joan has him saying it. Joan’s version does not ring true.

Pg 290, she relates how Uncle Rich told her that our mother wanted him to adopt Joan (born Doris) and that she was baptized in the hospital. I have no way of knowing the truth of that statement. I do remember seeing Joan (Doris), after her Church baptism ceremony, in baptismal dress, lying on Uncle Leo’s bed (he was Dad’s uncle, our great-uncle on Dad’s mother’s side), off the living room in Grandma and Grandpa Sippel’s home. Joan provides the document herself on pg 466 issued on April 18, 1956. If she was baptized in the hospital the records would have been provided from the hospital and would reflect that date of January and the persons involved and NOT any date in April or those persons involved in the ceremony done in April. She may have been ‘blessed’ by a hospital chaplain or nurse and such a blessing would be more for the mother’s sake than the child’s. The actual Church ceremony was not performed in the hospital for if it were, the documentation, from the hospital, would have been supplied to show that.

Pg 290, she does make a couple of good observations, for a change, namely ‘…the adoptee was always in the dark…everyone knew the past from their point of view…no one version of the past could be right, or could it…how was I to make all these pieces fit together…any wonder I wasn’t completely present with my children…they needed a mother, not a confused, sad or angry mother…needed a normal mother…’ To do that she would have had to ‘set aside’ the ‘need to know’ all and pay attention to her children. Most of what goes on in Joan’s mind is the product of Joan, not her not knowing. And the fact that she states…how was I to make all these pieces fit together…proves that this book is a work of FICTION not non-fiction as she has published it.

As Joan is relating her stories, she forgets that she was reunited with the birth family in 1974 and she didn’t have children until many years later…so…I question why the need to incorporate this part of her story during the years she was raising her own children. It certainly seems to me that Joan had gotten the basic facts about her parents, directly from my father, LONG BEFORE Joan ever had children! This is just another way of Joan’s to incorporate her storylines, within the long long long book of lies, burying them in so many layers, just to confuse the reader.

“The mind is everything, what you think, you become.” Buddha

But you cannot pay attention to the needful, like children, when you have a bad marriage compounded by debt and the refusal to do something to either fix it or remove it with constant troubles, many self-created, with relatives. So after giving us the litany of her troubles, she alludes to that ‘boogy man’, ‘her sisters and other harassing relatives…who became overbearing…and…she withdrew again’.

She ends this chapter with yet another lie. Pg 294, ‘confining to her adoptive mother, birth father and step-mother about her marital problems, she receives ‘…cherished words of advise and support…my three parents were Roman Catholic…Jesus would help…’ Wrong. Dad and his 3rd wife were and are not Roman Catholic! She was always been Greek Orthodox. When Dad wanted to marry her, in the Roman Catholic Church, he was told he couldn’t because she was a divorced person but for a few hundred bucks he could. Dad was insulted and told the Bishop no thanks. They were married by the city clerk and years later were married again in the Greek Orthodox Church. Dad changed his religious affiliation and turn to the Greek Orthodox. Of course they are both Christian but because of The Great Schism between Rome and Byzantine in 1054 there is a distinction, a very important one. It really surprises me that Joan doesn’t know that, but again, the truth doesn’t fit into her version of reality!

Moving right along…Chapter 27 is called, Family reunion 1992.

‘It is a delicate thing to write from memory’ John Adams, 2nd President of the USA

To avoid getting totally confused by what Joan has written, about this reunion, I shall start with my version of the story, then, if need be, take her version point by point against what I know to be true. First off it really wasn’t a reunion; it was more of a visit. Our brother and his family came home from AZ and it was the first time in many years that some of us had the opportunity to see him. Likewise for myself, since I had moved from Buffalo 10 years earlier. In other words, it was more an opportune moment than a full-fledged reunion, there were no major events planned and I only had two days to be there…but Joan is fond of making ‘visits’ into ‘reunions’.

In 1992 it had been 10 years since I saw Joan. I was not looking forward to seeing her, having divorced and severed ties with her in 82. My sole reason for going was for my brother and his family. Secondarily, I wanted to continue clearing away the negative hurts and anger that had been between Ruth and me since 1982. Ruth and I had been working on rebuilding our relationship. Joan was third on my list and I did have a need to put her, my feelings about what she did to my family, and other demons to rest, and I wanted to do so simply and quietly and then leave Buffalo in peace.

By this time, having moved from Binghamton, after my children left home and my marriage ended, not Poughkeepsie as Joan states, I was living in Watertown NY since 1987. Apparently Joan did not know that and/or didn’t correct it the book, no matter. I was still working as a Dental Assistant, at an army base. Since Joan last saw me, in 82, but then in 92, I  had 4 grandchildren, a new life, new maturity, and a new religious vocation and wanted to clear up my karma, my energy, my fate, and be done with her. Meaning my message would be simply; hello Joan, you look good, you have a nice family, you have a life here, I have a life there, you are my sister, good luck to you, and I’m going home now, peace be with you. That was my sole intent upon that opportunity in seeing Joan in 1992.

In 1990 or so Dad had come to Watertown to visit me. He and I made peace together coming to a real adult friendship. Amongst other things I told him about my awareness of religions, my adult change from what I was brought up in, Roman Catholicism, to ethnic heritage of Anglo-Saxons and the Elder Gods and Goddesses. He asked me if I was happy. I said yes. He said that is all that matters. So by the time of this visit, of 92, I was happy not only in seeing everyone but also in being able to share what I was doing in the way of scholarly means to bring the elder religion back to those who wished it, as well as knowing what everyone, in my family, was doing with their lives, including Joan.

For this ‘visit’ or ‘reunion’ of 92 I remember that the plan was for me to stay over night at Ruth’s in order to accommodate a 5 hour drive one way, major visits and activities, getting some sleep and then traveling another 5 hours to get home. In other words, I was only there for 24 hours! What possible trouble could happen? Plenty if you believe Joan’s account and of course if you really know her…because being around Joan will automatically get you into trouble.

I arrived at Ruth’s in the morning then drove her to the park where she was to dance. At the park, I recall some awkward moments when Joan, her two children and adoptive mother arrived as we all said hello. I was introduced to the children, that was the first and only time I ever saw them. It wasn’t until January of 2011 that I very briefly met and spoke with Joan’s daughter at my father’s death viewing. I have never seen Joan’s son since that day in 1992. So everything that Joan has said about HOW I’ve harassed and frighten her children are a bunch of lies. Same goes for her adoptive mother…I never was in that woman’s presence after that brief time in 1992.

I don’t recall seeing Joan’s  husband. At one point I asked Joan to walk a bit with me for I wanted a private word with her. She did seem hesitate as if unsure of what I would say and what would happen; guilty conscience perhaps. At the time I very quietly said that her children are beautiful and she and her mother look good. Don’t recall word for word but in essence I told her that the past was the past, we are sisters and we each have our own lives to continue to live. There was nothing more significant that I said to her and I had no major discussions with Joan’s adoptive mother.

There was many things going on at the time, it was a public park, we watched Ruth’s performance, visited with our brother and in general just hang out together. I was NOT going back to my Dad’s home so this visit in the park was my only opportunity to see my brother. At one point we were all gathered in a half circle and Dad made the observation that all his children have some artistic ability but that Joan needs to grow up a bit. To that comment Ruth and I exchanged looks because Dad always was blunt and probably wouldn’t think anything of making such a statement, he is the father after all and had every right to comment on his children. But no one made any further comments.

Ruth invited Joan to come to her home around 6 pm for coffee to visit further with me. She came, we three sisters visited for a few hours, sharing many things; we did a ‘show and tell’ as much as possible with the limited time we had. The visit was pleasant for everyone and there were no harsh words spoken. Joan eventually left. I stay on Ruth’s couch for the night leaving in the morning.

Three days later I was informed that as soon as Joan had left Ruth’s she phone Dad, around 9 pm, he was busy with his guests, my brother and family and didn’t speak long with her. The next morning she went to Dad’s home, yelling at him that he had insulted her and her husband at the park and that I insulted her husband. She continued to yell at Dad saying that my religious activities are dangerous and my mental health is in jeopardy. Dad told her he didn’t want her disrupting his guests, told her to leave and when she won’t go he pushed her out the door.

When I was informed of this I declared that she had her chance to rectify our relationship but she took the opportunity just to continue on with interfering in my life, stating falsehoods, causing trouble and that I shall keep the separation and divorce in effect. In other words, she blew it. I wanted nothing more to do with her. The next opportunity to speak with her came in 2005, I think, again as an opportunity to rectify things, from my point of view, but to her mind it was just another time where she said I ‘harassed’ her, looking for information against her. Again this is why I am speaking out now about everything in this book of lies…to set things right and correct!

Now let’s see what Joan has said happened at this ‘visit’ ah ‘reunion’.

First thing I notice, pg 295, is that she ‘didn’t know how to feel…hadn’t seen brother since 86… hadn’t seen Gert since our abrupt falling out in 82…hadn’t been getting along with Ruth since 89…’ Seems as if she hadn’t had much success with her birth siblings! About our ‘abrupt falling out’… who, pray tell, was the cause of that?  Second thing I notice, pg 296, is Joan’s inherent suspiciousness because ‘…the reunion consisted of father and his first group of children. I suspected a setup.’ How interesting! So we, the birth family, are already in deep dodo because of Joan’s paranoia; that is a clear sign of a guilty conscience. We all have ‘set her up’ so we can get even with her for what she has done to each of us. Give me a break!

Joan says, ‘…there was no intent to make and keep family ties…everything was for show…’ Perhaps! But what do you do with a sibling that has cause nothing but trouble within the family? Except our brother, who true to his nature was jollier than the rest of us, but then again, he had had no direct malicious dealings with Joan, he just didn’t want to talk about any troubles, and he was there for a visit not confrontations. Neither were Ruth, I and Dad, there for confrontations, we had no agenda against Joan. The only person who had any agenda in their mind was Joan…she goes to this ‘reunion’ with all kinds of preconceived notions about everything and everyone.

Just take a look at how Joan’s characterizes  Dad  ‘…stood with his hands behind his back…smirk on his face…cleared his throat…he snickered…vigorously waved his finger…pointed to his grown children…oldest to youngest…saving me for last…and you…I don’t know about you…shook his finger…glared mockingly at me…wild look in his eyes.’  And then Joan’s descriptions of what her sisters, that’s me and Ruth say, ‘…heh, well, she’s useless…sarcastically laughed…’

AND SHE CONTINUES ON WITH THIS OUTRAGEOUS TALE OF HORROR DISHED OUT FROM FATHER AND SISTERS WHILE SHE, HER HUSBAND AND HER ADOPTED MOTHER ARE SHOCKED AND SPEACHLESS. Never happened! It’s all a figment of Joan’s mind, fueled by her adopted mother’s hatred and fear and their collective knowing that Joan, with Dorothy’s input and encouragement, have sullied any form of relationship that could have been salvaged in past years.

It actually makes me sick to my stomach to read this crap! It is the outpouring of a diseased mind, actually two minds, Joan’s and Dorothy’s. Joan’s cries, pg 297, ‘…why are you all picking on me?’ Get an f… grip!

With our coolness, not hostility, to her, she came face to face with the fact that because of all her past dirty dealings with us she would never have the ‘family’ she envisioned. Even if we could have been, it was she who had systematically destroyed it, over the years, with her and Dorothy’s behind the scenes whispering in her ear, interferences and troublemaking. But in Joan’s words the reunion was not to be one ‘…to bring all of us together…after 10 years of on-again off-again relationships…but had become…public confrontation to tell me how to run my life.’  We ‘didn’t accept her’! She ‘wasn’t accepted for being just a mother.’ Bull shit! What fucking crap!

Then Joan says that Dad had made a ‘pronouncement’, the reunion was over, and all were welcomed to come to his house, except Joan, her husband, her children and her mother. This statement never happened because Dad knew that Ruth and I were NOT going back to his place. What Joan isn’t thinking about here was that Dad’s apartment was very small and with my brother and his family staying there, there was NO room to accommodate anyone else! Ruth and I were not going there, so who was left? Joan, why would Joan expect to go there? She never thinks about the other person, only her self. When Ruth invites Joan to her home to visit with me Joan is again suspicious ‘…with the way they treated me at the park, I felt it all was a set up, but agreed to meet them…’ She never uttered a word to us about her feeling like we were ‘setting her up’…what a pathetic mind! And if she felt we were setting her up, then, why did she agree to met with us?

Making the tale more dramatic, Joan writes, pg 299, that she, her mother, husband and children ‘…walked empty-hearted into the crowd…’ Doesn’t that just pull on your heartstrings? How could that birth family do that to her? But wait there’s more! ‘…my mother looked shocked and disappointed saying I (Dorothy) put up with a lot of aggravation from your sisters over the years…they hurt you and me and not once apologized for anything!’ Joan answers ‘…Gert didn’t apologize for calling you repeatedly and yelling at you before and after Dad died in 82…’

Here’s a reason why this lying book, Forbidden Family, is so long…because she must not let the readers forget, in case they missed it the first time around, that Gert did all these horrible things to Joan and her adoptive mother! If you tell a lie enough times, you begin to believe the lie. But we all know better! Joan and Dorothy continue on and on, page after page, telling each other how bad the birth family is and how insincere they are. We accuse the other of what we ourselves do.

Now while it is a noble thing for a mother to stay at home with her children and not work, there are times when that may not be the right thing to do. I was a stay at home mom when my children were infants. I had part-time jobs while they were 2, 3 and 4 years old. I went to school full-time when they were 4 and 5 years old. I worked full-time non-stop all the years of raising them. I had no choice in the matter. In the early years, I had no physical or financial help, if I didn’t work the kids would die!

It is not a noble thing for a woman to use the fact that she is a stay at home mom when there are financial difficulties and she is capable of earning a living and providing for her own retirement. It is not a noble thing for a woman to stay in an unfit marriage, while others are encouraging her to alter the situation, because to do so would alter the woman’s perception of what she thinks she ought to be doing…stay home. It is not a noble thing for that same woman to be encouraged by her adoptive mother, Dorothy, who never worked after adopting Joan and needs Joan to be dependent on her. Pg 299 Dorothy tells Joan ‘…you don’t need to have a job to be doing something important…’ This is the art of enabling the dependent behavior of another.

But it gets even better. Dorothy says, pg 300, that ‘…what’s wrong with your sisters is they didn’t have a mother and look how they turned out…’ Then Dorothy continues to condemn our father ‘…he seems too proud to brag about his other children to see the value you bring…just you being alive should make him happy…heartache we’ve gone through…why this mocking…last time I give him the time of day…’ So where does Joan get her encouragement to continue the negative mental behavior that she has? From the adoptive mother, Dorothy! Co-dependency is what enables addicts and domestic violence. This is where it all starts, with Dorothy! One diseased mind instructing another diseased mind; this is the core of the matter.

This is why Joan Wheeler is NOT considered a member of the Herr/Sippel family…because she was raised by Wheelers who poisoned Joan against the very birth family that Joan Wheeler wanted. The birth family have been victims of Dorothy Wheeler and her adoptive daughter Joan Wheeler. For this adoptive mother to state ‘…what’s wrong with your sisters is they didn’t have a mother and look how they turned out…’ to her adoptive daughter and for Joan to publish it is an indictment against them both! How dare Joan Wheeler publish this! Does Joan not see how, by publishing such a statement, that she, Joan, brought dishonor to her birth mother? For this dishonor alone Joan needs a whipping!! In the old days, she would have been ‘taken out back’ but in today’s world…we, by our blogs, have taken Joan out back and will continue to give her a whipping until she removes those two hateful blogs of hers!

end part one

One Comment
  1. Reblogged this on Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family — and commented:

    this is part one of two…many on twitter have been looking at this and part 2 so I thought it worth reblogging it here… please do read and share it far and wide

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