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antidote for loneliness

by on August 13, 2011

Everyone experiences loneliness many many times over a life-time…but at some point, you just have to LET IT GO and find a way OUT OF self-pity.

What is an antidote for loneliness? Self-less giving!
 
The following is from Joan Wheeler using one of her on-line names that of  1adoptee on the forum Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change.
 
I will have more to say on this posting, as time goes on, but for now, lets wallow in self-pity for awhile!! and think about  just HOW does all this whining and self-pity help REFORM the adoption movement.
 
 
Sr. Member****OfflineOffline Posts: 446

« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2011, 11:05:00 AM »
 
 
Quote
I was a very lonely little girl, growing up as an only child to parents old enough to be my grandparents.

Yeah, this happened to me, too. I was alone so much that when another child so much as smiled at me, I was filled with joy, excitement and fear. Since I didn’t have social interaction at home with other children, I was socially awkward with new friends. I was also used to my aloneness which made me want to be alone more so I lived with the two feelings side by side: wanting to be alone and wanting to have friends and I wanted siblings. I knew I was adopted but did not know I actually had siblings who lived only a few miles away from me my enitire childhood. When they found me at my age of 18, the shock of this secret drove me to great saddness and anger toward my adoptive parents who knew I had siblings all along. It was also hard to grow up with parents old enough to be my grandparents. We were of a different mindset and values. The age difference was too great. My afather died when I was 24 and my amother lived untill she was 95 and died this past March. My aparents were childless for 18 years before they adopted me, which means they showered me with all their love, but I still felt very lonely.

Joan Wheeler isn’t the only person whose parents, that raised them, were much older than themselves. While that type of age difference may cause some disagreements for the most part it isn’t a reason for loneliness.

My foster parents were far more older than my birth parents and I didn’t suffer for it…if anything I gained, from their wisdom and experiences.

While I’ll grant you that I can’t understand the ‘only child’ position, as a child, I was often very much alone and lonely and today I find great strength in the times when I am alone.

If someone is lonely they need to get out in the world and help other people! There are many many opportunities to help people, instead of sitting at the computer and crying and carrying on year after year about how lonely you were or are.

Ruth comments:
Joan writes (about her adoptive parents): “they showered me with all their love, but I still felt very lonely”
In other places, she writes about her loneliness. Her being without a family. Well, whose fault is that?
I can tell you I TRIED to be her family. Even Gert noted in a comment to a previous post on my blog, that “Ruth tried many times to be a sister to Joan.”.
Joan writes in her book about her reunion with her birthfamily, “no one knew how to proceed.” In another of my previous blog posts, I wrote (paraphrase):: “I did. I welcomed her into my life with open heart and open arms. I accepted her. We did things together when my time and life permitted it.”
I was in my first real apartment myself. Working full time, Having a life. And I spent a lot of time with Joan AS TIIME PERMITTED. And I continued to do this – all the way into the year 1990 when Joan and her ex-husband stole hundreds of dollars from me, causing the rift between us that continues to this day.And in the 1990′s Joan did many more rotten things of harassment and stalking to me.

On November 3, 2009, I called her on the phone, NOT to harass her, but to inform her of a family member’s death. Her response? She proceeded to scream and yell at me, hurling obscenities at me. She then reports this on the internet that I stalked and harassed her with this phone call.

These are the reasons Joan is a lonely bitter woman. She thinks she can scream and yell at people, swear at them, steal from them, treat them like dirt, send harassing letters to their home, write letters to elected officials about them, phone in false police reports about them. Write a disgusting lying book about people’s lives that has nothing to do with her adoption or adoption reform.

No one knew how to proceed in 1974 with “The Reunion?” As I said, I did. I was so thrilled to be reunited with my sister. I loved her. But my love for her could not break through the shell of HATE and RAGE that Joan has made her life. She has a pattern in life – she meets new people, things are fine for a time, then she begins to disrespect them. When they express their dislike of being disrespected to her, she blows up at them. Hits them full in the face with her rage. Then she tries to psycho-analyze them with adoption terms and gets even more angry at them when they fail to respond in the way she wants them to. She will brook no opposing viewpoint to her own. She calls people names,hurls profanity at them. then when they leave, she wonders why.

In an old manuscript of her book she writes of an old boyfriend Rich W. – another adoptee, who at the time of this incident (1980) had not found his birthfamily:

“…Rich believed that his adoptive parents were his only set of parents….This caused a big rift between us. … I was shattered by Rich’s belief’s and tried to get him to see that he has another set of parents….We argued bitterly over this issue soon our love began to fade.
Rich’s success in finding employment in another city further provoked feelings of inadequacy and rage within me….In a violent display of insecurity, rage and frustration, I ended our relationship forever.”

Do you see what she did? Rich had an opinion, a viewpoint that was different than Joan’s. Instead of respecting Rich’s viewpoints, she was “shattered” by his beliefs. Then proceeded to dictate to him how to be “tried to get him to see.” They argued bitterly and their love faded. No shit.Then she’s jealous and pissed because he found a job – in another city – oh, dear. Rich committed the awful sin of MAKING HIS OWN LIFE CHOICES THAT DID NOT INCLUDE JOAN BEING THE QUEEN OF HIS LIFE! Feelings of inadequacy emerged. What the f? Feelings of rage – oh yes, that’s what I’m talking about! In a violent display of insecurity (again, what the f?) rage and frustration, she ends their relationship. oh yes, I’ve seen Joan’s violent displays – I’ve been on the receiving end of a several of them. – and yepper! THAT’S WHY I DIDN’T LIKE BEING AROUND HER ANYMORE. She was disgusting (still is). Who wants to go out to a movie only to hear a long tirade about how sexist the costumes were, then a spew of anti-adoption rhetoric, disprespect over their life’s choices, disrespect of everything a person says or does. After a while, you begin to wonder, “what the hell am I getting out of this relationship? Nothing but tension, putdowns and insults. You come away from lunch with Joan all tensed up and angry yourself. Feelings of being a doormat, being used up. That kind of stuff wears people down. That’s why people run the hell away from Joan. And that’s why she’s always “lonely.”

Joan – if you’re “lonely” — you got only yourself to blame.

 Submitted by Ruth on 2011/08/13 at 6:51 pm

how many online names does this fruitcake need? “legitimate bastard,” “half-orphan56″ “1adoptee” “Joan Wheeler born as Doris Sippel”
Jeez!
of course she does this so she can TROLL the internet to STALK those who support adoption and then make a pest out of herself, curse them out, act like an idiot, get told off on different forums, and in some cases, even get KICKED OFF sites.
and she’s got the nerve to accuse ME of trolling and stalking?

Aug 16, 2011 comment here by Gert:

She also had an icon on the forum called 333/I’m only half-evil.

Like many on that forum they are very perverse and disgusting. You are the company you keep.

 

 

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2 Comments
  1. how many online names does this fruitcake need? “legitimate bastard,” “half-orphan56” “1adoptee” “Joan Wheeler born as Doris Sippel”
    Jeez!
    of course she does this so she can TROLL the internet to STALK those who support adoption and then make a pest out of herself, curse them out, act like an idiot, get told off on different forums, and in some cases, even get KICKED OFF sites.
    and she’s got the nerve to accuse ME of trolling and stalking?

    • Joan writes (about her adoptive parents): “they showered me with all their love, but I still felt very lonely”
      In other places, she writes about her loneliness. Her being without a family. Well, whose fault is that?
      I can tell you I TRIED to be her family. Even Gert noted in a comment to a previous post on my blog, that “Ruth tried many times to be a sister to Joan.”.
      Joan writes in her book about her reunion with her birthfamily, “no one knew how to proceed.” In another of my previous blog posts, I wrote (paraphrase):: “I did. I welcomed her into my life with open heart and open arms. I accepted her. We did things together when my time and life permitted it.”
      I was in my first real apartment myself. Working full time, Having a life. And I spent a lot of time with Joan AS TIIME PERMITTED. And I continued to do this – all the way into the year 1990 when Joan and her ex-husband stole hundreds of dollars from me, causing the rift between us that continues to this day.And in the 1990’s Joan did many more rotten things of harassment and stalking to me.

      On November 3, 2009, I called her on the phone, NOT to harass her, but to inform her of a family member’s death. Her response? She proceeded to scream and yell at me, hurling obscenities at me. She then reports this on the internet that I stalked and harassed her with this phone call.

      These are the reasons Joan is a lonely bitter woman. She thinks she can scream and yell at people, swear at them, steal from them, treat them like dirt, send harassing letters to their home, write letters to elected officials about them, phone in false police reports about them. Write a disgusting lying book about people’s lives that has nothing to do with her adoption or adoption reform.

      No one knew how to proceed in 1974 with “The Reunion?” As I said, I did. I was so thrilled to be reunited with my sister. I loved her. But my love for her could not break through the shell of HATE and RAGE that Joan has made her life. She has a pattern in life – she meets new people, things are fine for a time, then she begins to disrespect them. When they express their dislike of being disrespected to her, she blows up at them. Hits them full in the face with her rage. Then she tries to psycho-analyze them with adoption terms and gets even more angry at them when they fail to respond in the way she wants them to. She will brook no opposing viewpoint to her own. She calls people names,hurls profanity at them. then when they leave, she wonders why.

      In an old manuscript of her book she writes of an old boyfriend Rich W. – another adoptee, who at the time of this incident (1980) had not found his birthfamily:

      “…Rich believed that his adoptive parents were his only set of parents….This caused a big rift between us. … I was shattered by Rich’s belief’s and tried to get him to see that he has another set of parents….We argued bitterly over this issue soon our love began to fade.
      Rich’s success in finding employment in another city further provoked feelings of inadequacy and rage within me….In a violent display of insecurity, rage and frustration, I ended our relationship forever.”

      Do you see what she did? Rich had an opinion, a viewpoint that was different than Joan’s. Instead of respecting Rich’s viewpoints, she was “shattered” by his beliefs. Then proceeded to dictate to him how to be “tried to get him to see.” They argued bitterly and their love faded. No shit.Then she’s jealous and pissed because he found a job – in another city – oh, dear. Rich committed the awful sin of MAKING HIS OWN LIFE CHOICES THAT DID NOT INCLUDE JOAN BEING THE QUEEN OF HIS LIFE! Feelings of inadequacy emerged. What the f? Feelings of rage – oh yes, that’s what I’m talking about! In a violent display of insecurity (again, what the f?) rage and frustration, she ends their relationship. oh yes, I’ve seen Joan’s violent displays – I’ve been on the receiving end of a several of them. – and yepper! THAT’S WHY I DIDN’T LIKE BEING AROUND HER ANYMORE. She was disgusting (still is). Who wants to go out to a movie only to hear a long tirade about how sexist the costumes were, then a spew of anti-adoption rhetoric, disprespect over their life’s choices, disrespect of everything a person says or does. After a while, you begin to wonder, “what the hell am I getting out of this relationship? Nothing but tension, putdowns and insults. You come away from lunch with Joan all tensed up and angry yourself. Feelings of being a doormat, being used up. That kind of stuff wears people down. That’s why people run the hell away from Joan. And that’s why she’s always “lonely.”

      Joan – if you’re “lonely” — you got only yourself to blame.

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