Joan Wheeler’s own behavior….exhibit B
Joan Wheeler’s behavior, Exhibit B:
The next piece of evidence regards the foster parents that Kathy, Ruth and myself had. These good people were never, ever, in the life of Joan. But Joan, always the great truth gatherer, tried to extract family information from Aunt Dorothy by harassing and hounding her, for years, till she got access and some information. When Joan’s attempts to gain more access and information was not successful Joan resorts to browbeating, a woman 82 years old! I was stunned when I first saw this evidence! Which I didn’t see until May 2010! Ruth and Kathy can add more narrative on this.
Our foster parents always had the foster children call them Aunt and Uncle and out of respect as adults we always granted them that respect. I cannot remember when I last saw them but it must have been after I married the second time and long before I moved from Buffalo in 1982. I never knew of Joan’s antics regarding Aunt Dorothy. Ruth told me in May of 2010 that when she found out what Joan did she complain to Joan only for Joan to scream harassment at Ruth. Typical Joan reaction: when confronted with her own misdeeds she says ‘they are harassing me’. That stops here and now! It doesn’t work anymore! Joan Wheeler can no longer lie and get away with it…everything shall be exposed!
Evidence here: I can supply the full documents, but for privacy sake I’m presenting most of the letters. The first is written by Joan to Aunt Dorothy, the second from Aunt Dorothy to Kathy. I will comment at the end of the evidence.
Joan’s letter to Aunt Dorothy is in this color:
“Dear Dorothy, July 29, 1990
I don’t know what you are mad about but at least you could have the decency to tell me what you think the problem is!….I haven’t had the chance to write or visit because I’ve been busy with….I called you to tell you some happy news and you hang up on me. You must have been talking to Kathy again because she is famous for bad-mouthing me. Or Gert.
I haven’t talked to Kathy in several months….tried to make amends with her…all she did was yell at me, on my long distance charges!…when my children came home…they wanted to talk with their Aunt Kathy (which I thought would make her feel good) all Kathy could say was that my kids were loud on the phone. Kathy hung up on me. I know that my father went to see her…89…his visits always upset her. But that’s no reason to take things out on me.
As for now, if you are mad at me for not coming to see you more often, at least tell me! You know how busy life gets with little children. I feel bad that I cannot visit you more often. If there is another reason for you to be mad at me I’d wish you would tell me about it instead of hurting my feelings the way you did. I though we were friends. I truly do not know what you are angry about so please tell me.
The good news I have for you is …
I wouldn’t have bothered with you if I didn’t care about you. I know I haven’t been over in a long time, but that is no reason to treat me the way you did.
You owe me an explanation.
And if you want to talk to J…then perhaps you’d better call me within the next week or your chance to meet J will be gone. I’m only trying to share with you some happy moments…. Joan”
Now, Aunt Dorothy’s letter to Kathy and it is in this color:
“Dear Kathy Now, you read Joan’s letter I wasn’t mad because she didn’t visit me. I didn’t know Joan that well if she came or not, in fact she always stayed so long I was glad she took the kids and left.
She kept telling me I didn’t confide in her (I didn’t). For the longest time she kept calling and writing, finally I said she could come. Why I got upset with her, she ask if I knew Josephine (your step-mother). I said I had met her and told her (something) (that Kathy or Gertie said) and she told Ruthie the same day. We are not doing too bad for both of us being 82 and married fifty two yeas…I’m glad your doing so well in your teaching job. What if Joan writes about us in her new book? Take it easy Kathy, Love you, Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Frank“
Big Question: Where in the book does Joan tell us about these letters? She doesn’t and she doesn’t for a reason. For to do so would mean she would have had to show how she had harassed, stalked and browbeaten an old woman just so she could get the ‘dirt’ on our first stepmother. Both of these women, Josephine (my step-mother) and Aunt Dorothy (my foster mother) had nothing to do with Joan’s life or adoption! What possible reason would Joan have to contact my foster mother? There was none, only in Joan’s relentless pursuit of getting ‘dirt’ on our family! For Joan to do this type of deed shows and proves her malicious intent to produce a scandal book exploiting birth family members and various intimate details of their lives. Do you readers still question why we sisters are writing, exposing the lies, fabrications and dirty deeds in Joan’s damm book? If you still need more evidence of Joan Wheeler rotten character do keep reading for there’s more to come.
My comments on this letter:
Unless readers didn’t see what I saw when I first laid eyes on Joan’s letter to Aunt Dorothy…let me tell you. First off, if ever there was evidence of ‘elder abuse’ this letter is one! At my current age, 64, I am fully aware of what would be consider elder abuse and Joan abused this 82 year old back in 1990! If I had known about it I would have called the police! Second, look at the language that Joan uses. Is this the way a 34-year-old woman, (what Joan was at the time) with children and with a mother about the age 70 (at the time) should be talking to a woman of 82? If anyone spoke to an 82 year old in my presence as Joan did in this letter, I would slap their mouth!
Joan, in her attempts to show how adoption has ‘affected’ her, documents many episodes, in the book, of her own abuse towards the adoptive mother and her own abuse towards her own children! Joan Wheeler is an abuser of anyone whom she believes to be ‘weaker’ than herself and to anyone who gets in her way.
Joan knows, for she was told, by her sisters, that her sisters have referred to our foster mother as ‘Aunt’ as a term of ‘respect’ and it would seem proper that Joan would follow suit and address the older woman with respect and dignity. Now I could let that one slide, the lack of general respect for an elder person, but the general tone of belittling and intimidation, in Joan’s letter, I can not. Why does Joan use this tone? Because she had gotten no satisfaction or information from or out of Aunt Dorothy and when Joan gets no satisfaction she takes off the ‘sweet’ gloves and goes for the juggler!
I don’t know what you are mad about but at least you could have the decency
…this is called browbeating…she immediately intimidates and belittles the intelligence of the person she is talking to…assuming that that person is ‘mad’ about something and should have the ‘decency’ towards Joan. If someone spoke to me I would, and have, said ‘back off, excuse me,’.
you hang up on me. You must have been talking to Kathy again because she is famous for bad-mouthing me. Or Gert
… that’s called assigning negative behavior to another in order to make that other person be wrong, the other person ‘hang up’ on Joan. Reality is that the ONLY way to get Joan to shut up IS to hang up on her. Again Joan intimidates by assigning the negative behavior, of gossiping and telling of falsehoods, to the person she is addressing (the aunt). ‘You must have been talking to’ indicates that the aunt is the one with negative behavior and the aunt got to Joan’s perceived enemies (in this case Kathy and Gert) before Joan was able to speak with the aunt. Using this attempt, Joan is trying to override Kathy and Gert’s influence with the aunt. This is typical Joan behavior, we have seen this over a life-time of dealing with Joan.
Note also that Joan writes this letter in 1990 which is a full 8 years after I left Buffalo during which time I had no connect with Joan what so ever. Joan assumes that all her sisters are ‘out to get her’ and were constantly gossiping about her. I for one didn’t care nor knew what Joan was doing.
(Ruth’s note: and when Joan says that Kathy is famous is badmouthing me, Joan herself is badmouthing Kathy!)
Correct, Ruth…Joan is that ‘pot that is calling the kettle black’…it’s always about the other guy, never about Joan herself…for she is perfect!
all she did was yell at me, on my long distance charges!
…she is Kathy…and this statement is putting Kathy in bad light to the aunt, this is an attempt at gaining sympathy, from the aunt, because Joan wasn’t the one who was yelling and is such a good person because she was paying the phone bill. Joan does not explain, nor care, that Kathy has told Joan to stop interferring in Kathy’s life and business.
Kathy could say was that my kids were loud on the phone. Kathy hung up on me
… that means Kathy doesn’t like Joan’s kids and is calculated, by Joan to the aunt, to draw sympathy, for Joan, against Kathy, because Kathy is the one with bad manners.
(Ruth’s note: what Joan and a lot of other parents fail to understand that older people and people who do not have children are not used to the noise. Kathy is quite courteous, there was probably a good reason for her to hang up on Joan. I know I hung up on her a couple of times. do we see a pattern here? Just what does Joan DO to people that make them WANT to hang up on her? mmmm?)
very very correct! Joan is very confrontational, on the phone, on paper, and in person and if you need to get away from Joan you MUST do whatever you need to do to get away from her.
I know that my father went to see her…89…his visits always upset her. But that’s no reason to take things out on me
…Dad only ever went to visit Kathy once, so visits (plural) is a falsehood, this statement is aimed at making Kathy’s behavior related to someone other than Joan herself. That’s called transference. What Joan DOESN’T GET is that Kathy has told Joan, many many times, that Kathy does NOT want to RELIVE family histories and events. That is the reason that Kathy was upset.
if you are mad at me for not coming to see you more often, at least tell me! You know how busy life gets with little children. I feel bad that I cannot visit you more often. If there is another reason for you to be mad at me I’d wish you would tell me about it instead of hurting my feelings the way you did. I though we were friends. I truly do not know what you are angry about so please tell me.
…browbeating, attempt to gain sympathy, laying a guilt trip, not once but three times.
Joan assumes that the aunt is mad because Joan doesn’t visit the aunt more often…what makes Joan think that the aunt WANTED Joan to visit? The aunt is the polite individual by NOT telling Joan to hit the road and don’t come to visit me. Aunt didn’t want those little children around, but Joan is too self-centered and stupid to realize that ‘older’ people don’t want to be bothered and sometimes they can’t speak up for themselves…its called elder abuse by Joan.
And look at how Joan ‘goes after’ the aunt with… another reason for you to be mad at me I’d wish you would tell me about it instead of hurting my feelings the way you did. I though we were friends. I truly do not know what you are angry about so please tell me…would you, the reader, take this from anyone, be it on paper or the phone or in person? I would NOT.
I wouldn’t have bothered with you if I didn’t care about you. I know I haven’t been over in a long time, but that is no reason to treat me the way you did.
… belittling, intimidation, laying the guilt trip, harassment…my god!!
You owe me an explanation.
… belittling, intimidation, laying the guilt trip, harassment…double my god!! Joan is an abuser!
then perhaps you’d better call me within the next week or your chance to meet J will be gone.
… more and triple belittling, intimidation, laying the guilt trip, harassment.
This type of behavior, that Joan’s has, was learned from her adoptive mother. Joan doesn’t know how to behave.
Now what do we learn from Aunt Dorothy’s letter?
Now, you read Joan’s letter I wasn’t mad because she didn’t visit me. I didn’t know Joan that well if she came or not, in fact she always stayed so long I was glad she took the kids and left.
… this shows the truth about the situation, directly from the foster mother, the aunt, who had been harassed, by Joan. How long had Joan stalked this woman to gain access, sounds like a hard-sell salesperson and a con artist. Because of Aunt Dorothy’s good nature she allowed Joan and kids to visit. Joan’s doesn’t know that ‘after awhile fish and visitors smell’.
She kept telling me I didn’t confide in her (I didn’t). For the longest time she kept calling and writing, finally I said she could come. Why I got upset with her, she ask if I knew Josephine (your step-mother). I said I had met her and told her (something) (that Kathy or Gertie said) and she told Ruthie the same day.
…oldest con artist trick in the world, that’s what Joan did to the aunt… make the old person trust you and when they don’t show signs of truth, then browbeat them into thinking that they really ought to trust you. But Aunt Dorothy is not stupid, she just didn’t want to be ‘played’. So Joan finally gets some ‘dirt’ about our stepmother and Joan immediately goes and tells it to Ruth. Proof that Joan cannot keep confidences. In fact Joan’s entire book is about breaking confidences.
“We are not doing too bad for both of us being 82 and married fifty two years…I’m glad your doing so well in your teaching job. What if Joan writes about us in her new book? Take it easy Kathy, Love you, Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Frank”
…shows the truth nature of Aunt Dorothy and her concern that Joan would write about her and her husband as our foster parents and what would Joan say about them. This woman did not want Joan to write about her.
How long did Joan do this abuse to an old woman who had NOTHING to do with Joan and her adoption? How many people had Joan done this to? If you are reading this and you know of similar browbeating and harassments from Joan please speak out and post a comment telling everyone about it.
Both these examples of Joan’s harassments happened prior to the reunion of 92 when Joan saw me after a period of 10 years. Why didn’t Joan own up to them? Why didn’t she tell me the truth? She states that she wanted to reconcile, have peace between us, be sisters again! Bull Shit! Joan wants nothing of the kind and Joan is incapable of telling the truth. Joan knew all along that she was going to write a book of lies and therefore she would NEVER concede to any form of reconcilation.
Ruth’s comment – there was also another incident, not covered in Aunt Dorothy’s letter – one time in the 70’s when Joan and I were getting to know each other, I told her of my stay in the foster home. I had said that I wasn’t happy there. Because I wanted to be with my father. This is normal. A kid would naturally want to be with their parent. It had no reflection on Aunt Dorothy or Uncle Frank. They treated me and my sisters very well. They taught us many things. Cooking, gardening, decorating, antiquing, Uncle Frank even took me out on a rowboat on Black Lake, upstate NY and taught me to fish. Even took me to flycasting tournaments.
While we were living there, our mother’s sister Catherine became friends with Aunt Dorothy, and her daughter, our cousin Gail, in turn became friends with them. Even Gail’s husband Kevin and their son Keith became friends with them, the men (along with 7 year old Keith) going hunting together. (and by the way, when Gert mentioned above that it would have been courteous for Joan to refer to Dorothy as “aunt” – guess what? Gail and Kevin and and their son did as well.
One day, and it must have happened just after this letter exchange between Dorothy and Joan took place, Gail called me up – it seems as tho Joan had told Dorothy that I was not happy living with them. Gail said that Dorothy was crying. “I thought Ruthie was happy living with us.” I had also told Gail of my feelings of living there, that they were wonderful people, but I wanted to be with my dad. So Gail covered for me. “Oh, you know, Joan probably got mixed up.”
I called Joan up on the phone and reamed her out. “Why did you tell her that? I told you that in confidence! Why did you make that old lady cry? What the hell is the matter with you?” Joan had no answer, except to say “I don’t know if I’m doing anything wrong if people don’t tell me” WTF? This was in late 1990 – and Joan was at the time going on 35 years old! With two children she had the responsibility to teach how to behave. No, it is clear to me that Joan knew all along what she was doing. She got hung up on the phone by Dorothy, she wrote a nasty letter to an 82 year old woman, LECTURING her on how to behave, demanded an apology, didn’t get one, so to PUNISH Dorothy, (and get me in trouble to boot, because this was at the time I was pissed at Joan and Colby for stealing hundreds of dollars from me), Joan DELIBRATELY called Dorothy and told her that I wasn’t happy living there. It’s not the first time Joan tried to suck me into a fight with other people. She did it on July 4, 1991. But that’s another story….
And all the stories will come out….and we have all the time in the world to tell them…
At the end of her letter to Aunt Dorothy, Joan writes:
“And if you want to talk to J…then perhaps you’d better call me within the next week or your chance to meet J will be gone. I’m only trying to share with you some happy moments…. Joan”
J. was a folksinger from England, who was an acquaintance of Kathy’s. The implication in the letter was that if Aunt Dorothy wanted a visit from someone who knew Kathy, then she’d better toe the line with Joan.
Now, what happened was, J. had come to the States to tour the folksinging circuit and had a gig in Buffalo. Joan had made friends with him when she met him in Liverpool and went to the bar where he would be performing. In Buffalo, the bars close at 4am. So at 5am on a Sunday, I was off that night from work and we heard a loud pounding on my front door. John and I run downstairs and it was Joan. John’s cousin and her two little girls who were living with us at the time, also came out of their rooms to see what the hell was going on.
We let Joan in and she was crying and screaming hysterically. And she was totally DRUNK! Why was she crying? Because she was afraid that her husband Colby was going to find out that she just cheated on him – by sleeping with the folksinger!
I looked at her in disgust. John’s cousin Joyce was pissed – her two daughters, aged 12 and 7 were just woken up and were scared – in our household we just didn’t do those things – drinking, and sleeping around and screaming at the tops of our voices! The girls were upset, Joyce was upset, I was upset. I turned to John, and said to him – “this is YOUR friend – you deal with her. I’m going back to bed.” – explanation – this was in 1992, two years after Joan had stolen the money from me, and I was done with the bitch. My husband remained on speaking terms with her because he was fond of Joan’s children. Despite my warnings to him to break ties wtih Joan and her family, he continued to see them. I warned him a few times, then shut up. I did tell him, “you know what a two-faced bitch she is, but if you want to be her friend – go right ahead.” Sure enough, she eventually turned on him, by sending letters to his mother’s house, calling his mother on the phone and bothering her, then ultimately sending me a letter saying that he had gotten the next door neighbor pregnant, when the house was vacant. And when that all happened, I couldn’t resist saying “I told you so.” Some people are just too stubborn for their own good. Anyways….
Back to the drunken visit by Joan at 5am on a Sunday morning. What a sleazeball. She’s married, got two little kids at home, Goes to a bar and stays until closing time. Ends up in a hotel room with a guy she knew 10 years earlier – does she know if he’s clean? Does he know she’s clean?
If memory serves, this particular bar was near the Buffalo Airport, 4.5 miles from my house, and Joan’s house was another 1.5 miles from my house. So this pig is driving around DRUNK!
She does relate in her book about an incident in 2007 that she was driving drunk but she learned her lesson. yeah, right. She’s been an alcoholic for years, and driving drunk for years.
And she has the nerve to be judgmental in her book about “trailer trash?” Let’s take the kid gloves off here and speak the dam truth: if there’s ANYbody around who’s trash – it is Joan Wheeler!
additional comment by Gert…
I have to wonder just what was Joan thinking…what…that a 82 year old woman would be interested in seeing some guy that Joan was drinking with and cheating on her husband with? Well…what OLDER woman did Joan know….her adoptive mother, whom at the time of this incident was 70 years old.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!
Nope, Joan never did learn any respectable ways of behaving…and if as Joan ‘reports’ that she wrote a truthful story…which we know she didn’t…then what Joan has written about her adoptive mother, must be one of two things…lies written by Joan about the adoptive mother’s character …or…that woman really was as mean and disgusting as Joan portrayed her as.
Either way Joan Wheeler is scum!
Ruth here: oh, this wasn’t the first time that I knew of an “indescretion” by Joan while she was married. – and this one was way worse. She was married only one year – with an infant at home. She went to Lulu’s – a bar in Kitchener Ontario – this bar was an old K-Mart store! (google Lulu’s Kitchener Ontario – there’s a webpage for it). She went there for a concert from a well-known 1960′s teen idol. And Joan ended up in the back room for a pool table party. with multiple partners.
The next day, she calls me on the phone, crying (do we see a pattern here?)
She had already spoken to her therapist, who told her “if this is the kind of life you want to live, there you have it. If you don’t, then change your behavior.” I totally agreed.
But as we see, Joan doesn’t WANT to change. The incident at Lulu’s took place in 1984. The incident with J was in 1992. And in 2007, she’s STILL doing the same thing. She does out-of-control things, sleeps around, has GH, then she realizes her mistakes, cries and screams, BUT NEVER STOPS THE STUPID BEHAVIOR THAT GETS HER INTO TROUBLE!
http://www.littleshopofvoices.com/tuneman/lulus2.html is the link to Lulu’s.
so during our conversation on the phone, Joan told me that she just HAD to go back to Lulus’ that night. Why? Because she was worried that the teen idol (and his wife), would have found out about the pool table party and get the wrong impression of her. oh really? And what impression did she think would happen? –
And Joan wanted me to go with her. So I went. I must say, the teen idol put on a good concert. I did meet the guy and his wife. Very nice people. Joan did talk to them separately, I don’t know what they talked about. But I do know this: the teen idol and his wife NEVER bothered with Joan after that concert! One year earlier, the teen idol and his wife had sent a congratulatory telegram to Joan when she and Colby had gotten married. Now, they wanted nothing to do with Joan.
By the way, in her book, Joan blames Kathy for the teen idol no longer wanting anything to do with her. – Sorry Joan, it was YOUR pool table party that caused him and his wife to break ties with you. But this is typical Joan – blame other people for the shit in her life. It wasn’t Kathy who told you to end up on a pool table with multiple partners, it wasn’t Kathy who called me the next day crying that “P. and M. are going to know what I did.” It wasn’t Kathy who told P. and M. – it was the guys you slept with – the roadies that were in P.’s employ and band members. And Joan KNEW that they were probably going to tell – why would she be so scared the next day and desperate to go back the next night to make sure that P. DIDN’T know? Kathy was 3,000 miles away – she didn’t know what was going on. And it was probably Joan’s own suspicious behavior the next night that got everyone in P.’s entourage to talking. P. + M. seem like nice decent folk, they probably had the same reaction that I did – a reaction of disgust. I only went along with Joan to Lulu’s the next day because this was the time that I was STILL trying to be a sister to Joan, to help her with her problems, until I saw that some people don’t WANT their problems solved, they LIKE being a victim, because it gives them attention and sympathy.
Joan needs to find out just WHO spilled the beans to P., and not just automatically blame her birth sister. Joan needs to step up to the plate, look in the mirror and come to terms that it is because of her own behavior that people run the hell away from her.
This happens to Joan all the time. She makes friends. Things are fine. Then when they get to see the REAL Joan, they run the hell away from her. Even former teen rock and roll idols.
Gert here again: Oh yes Joan puts her own ‘special’ spin of things…in the book she makes a great deal out of the fact that she received this ‘telegram’ from the teen idol…but…says NOTHING about the totality of the events, as Ruth as given us, AND, again, NOTHING about the fact that the same teen idol wants terminated the friendship. Eventually, everyone turns away from Joan and her mis-behavior.
Ruth here again: In case anyone is shocked that I am telling these things. Well, Joan told some outrageous lies about me in her filthy book. I started my other blog to refute that book in November 2009. In the summer of 2010, Joan put up a second filthy blog to spread more lies about us. In March of 2011 she went on the Huffington Post to spread even more filthy lies about us and our grandfather, a lie that when exposed, got her kicked off the Huffington Post website. In May 2011, we were successful in getting the book pulled from publication. She continues to this day, August 19, 2011, to promote that book (what an ass). Also her two blogs containing filthy lies about us are still in operation. We have sent many messages via my blog for Joan to take down the filthy lying blogs about us. She has not. She has had three months to stop promoting a dead book. She has had ample time to take down her lying blogs about us, blogs that should never have been put up in the first place. Again and again we have had said “do the right thing and remove those blogs.” And she has refused. So the kid gloves have come off. She threatened us in her book. She said (paraphrase) “Each of my sisters have a secret they are terrified for me to expose. This is why they object to this book.” I have said more than once on my blog that I will not be held to emotional blackmail. I have said multiple times on my blog: BRING IT ON BABY! I have on FOUR different occasions challenged Joan to a lie detector test. she has not responded. I have invited any law enforcement agent to do a criminal background check on me to refute Joan’s claims that I have an arrest record, a criminal record and a record of being placed on probation. One of Joan’s adoptee friends is a police officer – I invited HER to do a background check on me – to see who is lying and who is telling the truth. But that sniveling little coward obviously didn’t – because she still is supporting Joan. Like I said before, the police department in Trinidad Ca. needs to upgrade their hiring standards, because this sniveling snot is an internet bully herself, and she herself has been reprimanded on various websites for her potty mouth, and has gotten kicked off sites as well. Just like Joan, two little cowards, two bullies with potty mouths.
Since Joan has not removed the lies about us she has spread on the internet, I will tell the whole TRUTH about her.