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Joan Wheeler’s own behavior….exhibit C

by on August 18, 2011

The next pieces of evidence, exhibit C, are in connection to the article The Secret is Out that Joan Wheeler wrote in 1990, which was published in England and the aftermath from it. This article caused great concern because in the article Joan uses her sisters’ real names, interestingly enough not mine. In any event, the publication of that article is what caused certain letters to be written, alerting those agencies, listed in the article, that privacy was not afforded to the persons mentioned in the article. These letters were not ‘harassments’ but legitimate letters of concern for the breach of privacy the author committed. It is only Joan who turns these letters into gross obscene letters in her fabrication of telling of them. 

It also should be pointed out that in the lying book, Forbidden Family, Joan Wheeler names this article, on pg 302, and cites it in the footnotes #15 on pg 634…which means that, as with many other incidents in the book, Joan made it POSSIBLE, for people to find out our REAL names and our privacy was violated, by her inclusion of this article in the book!

As I have stated in previous posts, I did not write any letters to Joan and it is a falsehood for Joan to write, pg 308 ‘…my sisters wrote harassing letters in the months after our family reunion of 92’. Which sisters? She does not say, so how can anyone be sure whom Joan is referring to? On pg 310 she writes ‘…the 40 page letter that my sisters put together…’ and ‘…my sisters included copies of long handwritten letters they wrote to the nine major adoption…’ Wrong! Joan does not name the sisters because there were no sisters, in the plural. Ruth and I never wrote to those nine major adoption agencies listed in the article. Kathy wrote legitimate letters of concern for the breach of privacy; all else is pure nonsense and fabrication by Joan. Furthermore, Kathy wrote an eight-page letter, not 40 pages; Joan loves hyperbole!

Hyperbole…exaggeration: deliberate and obvious exaggeration used for effect

 Again, we shall revisit this issue, when I return to the book, after I complete this presentation of the evidence of Joan’s own behavior of fabrication, telling lies, doing harassments, and other deeds that are not in her book. For now it is sufficient to state that we three sisters, who are refuting the lies of Joan, possess proof that she is a liar and user of hyperbole solely for the effect of putting us sisters in bad light and selling books.

As part of the fallout from the breach of privacy and Joan’s consistent disregard for returning Kathy’s personal property to her, Kathy in England , demanded her property returned to her. There were negotiations; monies sent by Kathy to Joan, for shipping, back and forth letters, but all of Kathy’s efforts were stalled by Joan because Joan had excuse after excuse for not sending them.

Evidence here: In two letters that Joan wrote to Kathy, in this color

(ca.1992) we learn from Joan, in one, ‘…yes I did receive the money order…put it in a special account for when I have time to pack everything for you…can’t do it right now…don’t have a car…can’t do anything right now…Colby lost his job…trying to cope with unemployment…I am working two part-time jobs…pay is low…with this new upset…going and finding your scrapbooks will just have to wait…. the records are safe…I’ll let you know when I can get the stuff together…before Christmas…’  and in another ‘…have been sad that our relationship ended abruptly and that I have caused you pain…felt the need to reach out to you…need to apologize for overstepping my bounds in your life…I respect your right to privacy and am sorry for my past behaviors…I ask forgiveness…and hope that we can be friends again…since I’m rather busy now, I will try to pack up your things sometime before Christmas…working two part-time jobs and will be going back to college in the fall…’

So we see from Joan’s own words; that she did receive money to send Kathy’s things back to her, that she put the money in a special account, for when she has time, but she can’t do it now, no car, husband lost a job, coping with unemployment, working two jobs, pay is low, new upset, getting your stuff will just have to wait, let you know when I can get the stuff to you later but sad that our relationship ended abruptly and I caused you pain, need to reach out to you, to apologize, respect your right to privacy, sorry for past behaviors, ask forgiveness, can be friends, but I’m rather busy now, will try to pack your stuff before Christmas, working two jobs and going back to college in the fall. And it never ends….same old, same old line, then as now.

Would you, readers, buy that brunch of baloney? She was given the money to ship the items but found excuses for not doing so and yet she has the money and time to go back to college! How nice! Priorities! This is Joan at her best, always whining and crying, trying to get out of her responsibilities and making other people suffer.

Neither did Kathy, buy it that is, and when Kathy puts the pressure on to get her property back, Joan enlists the ‘big guy’; Dr. Rene Hoksbergen, the very same that wrote the forward of this book of lies and fabrications and a book review and of course he NEVER did any kind of fact checking! It ought to be noted that the last time the good Dr. saw a ‘draft’ of the book was in 2006, three years before publication! Joan has done extensive rewrites since he saw it. I wonder if Dr Hoksbergen would approve of the published work? Perhaps I shall write him! I’ll think about that!

As it turned out I did, think about it and wrote him, several times, of course never receiving any reply, but I did write to his former boss and did receive email answers from him. See the following posts on Ruth’s blog…

Our Second Success in recovering our lives from the many lies told by Joan M. Wheeler in her trashy book Forbidden Family – college professors are now agreeing with us!

emails from Willem Koops, former colleague of (retired) Professor Rene Hoksbergen (palsie-walsie of Joan Wheeler) May 16, 2011

Continuing on, we shall see… yes that’s right, more evidence here, just what Dr Hoksbergen said to my sister Kathy on Joan’s behalf. It ought to be remembered that Joan is a very good con artist. Joan can play the part of the misused, misunderstood adoptee, that the birth family seems to go out of their way to make life miserable for her. This letter by Dr Hoksbergen was written to Kathy in April 1993.

In part he says in this color:

‘…you will be amazed that you suddenly get a letter from a complete stranger…(goes into his educational and professional backgrounds)…connected with the phenomenon of adoption …conference in 1987 I met your sister Joan Wheeler…tried to help her with some of her questions and problems…I very well know the complexity of her life situation and emotional stress this often gives to her…sometimes we have to give adoptees some more time and understanding then we do in other occasions…conference in April I had a long discussion with Joan about many important family related questions. It has become clear to me that she is very sad about the problems she seems to have with you. It is a pity that rather uncomplicated questions of yours, has given deep going emotional stress to at least Joan and as far as I understand also to you. Let me be more clear: you have asked her to send back your goods…last year Joan had a lot of material problems…not having a car, losing her jobs etc…Joan does not have the money…(goes into detail about weight and costs)…it is an idea to ask Joan what precisely you definitely want to have back as soon as possible…the rest could be taken back slowly, when you visit your friends and relations in the USA…to my opinion problems like these should not divide people…related…who might need each other…when people live far away from each other…things easily might become complicated…I would ask you to forgive Joan what you think she did wrongly…I’m sure that her intentions are good…but she has problems to carry out the things you asked her…I know she would love it so much to have a good friendship with you…she has tried to see you in Liverpool…but she does not have the money for it…it is a useful idea if you write me back about your suggestions…if you prefer this instead of writing directly to Joan…I know that she very much want to solve the problems you have with each other…’

Okay! Here’s what I see in this communication; first and foremost intimidation by a professional with the use of a condescending tone to a woman who has already paid to have her personal property return and is being denied justice. Secondly, what I see is, the continuation of the mixture of intimidation as well as a good dose of browbeating, which btw is somewhat common with the professional attitudes of doctors.

‘phenomenon of adoption’  …since when is adoption a phenomenon? This is why certain types of personalities, like Joan, can run amok with their psycho-babble about their delicate hurt feelings and ran over anyone who believes in adoption with their own special brand of hate and rage! Don’t believe me? Go to Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change and see the sickness. This way of thinking also contributes to the adding of outrageous theories and speculations that the adoptee, in their ‘phenomenon’ condition, subjects family member to with extreme hurtful statements that are nothing but pure slander and libel.

‘complexity of her life situation and emotional stress’ …do only adoptees have complexity and emotional stress, is this some kind of new ‘condition’ that the rest of the population doesn’t have? Every time I see or read about these ‘adoption professionals’ I have to wonder just how many people they have HARMED with their nonsense! I know for a fact that Joan has many wrong-headed notions PUT there by people like Hoksbergen! I and other birth family members have had their entire lives ALTERED by the very dangerous thoughts that people like Hoksbergen have put into these adoptees.

‘give adoptees some more time and understanding then we do in other occasions’ …again, what makes the adoptee some kind of special needs person? Does this mean they are in the same category as the physically and mentally ‘challenged’ individuals are in (for those that do not think in PC terms (politically correct) they are commonly called retarded? To my way of thinking…if you can’t cut it…get the hell out of the game! Either learn how to live the life you were given and stop being a professional victim or commit yourself to an institution so that I don’t have to have you in my face! Don’t like that sentiment? Tough! No one has ever given me ‘more time and understanding’ and I’ll be damn if I’ll give it to Joan Wheeler!

‘she is very sad about the problems she seems to have with you’ …oh so Joan needs a professional to communicate that sentiment? No Joan NEVER was sad over anything…only her self and how she can get others! Joan has had many opportunities to resolve any so called problems. Joan refuses to resolve them.

‘it is a pity’ …no shit! What was the good professor’s fee for writing this letter? That’s the pity of it whole business, that a low-life like Joan got a professional to do her DIRTY LAUNDRY!

‘Let me be more clear’ …by all means, what he is saying, in this letter, is that Kathy and by extension the rest of the birth family ‘needs’ to understand the special conditions that the adoptee has and we must alter our views. Bull shit! To this very day, Aug of 2011, Joan Wheeler STILL is in her special condition and has NOT GROWN UP.

‘Joan does not have the money’ … see how Joan has conned this guy? She was given the money, what happened to it. Even if she wasn’t given the money why is it that she can’t give back someone else’s property? Because, Joan is a liar, a thief and a sneak. She has played the part of the sad, lonely, traumatized adoptee so WELL, over the years, then as today, that she could not possibly ever do any other role.

‘had a lot of material problems’ …is Joan the only person in the world with problems, does not Kathy have anything in her life that should be considered here? But of course not! No, the eminent professor is only looking out for Joan’s best interests because the birth family, in this case Kathy, DOESN’T understand the poor adoptee! I need to vomit!

‘the rest could be taken back slowly, when you visit your friends and relations in the USA’   …an assumption that Kathy will be visiting the USA, was never in the negotiations to begin with. This a direct attempt at turning the whole thing back onto Kathy. Turn the tables on the real issue and confuse the other person, make them be ‘wrong’. Classic tactic of manipulation.

‘to my opinion’ …amazing that he didn’t send Kathy a bill for his opinion, what did it cost Joan for getting the doctor to write this letter?

‘ask you to forgive Joan what you think she did wrongly’ …excuse me! What right does this guy have to say such a thing? He is no priest! Kathy did not GO TO HIM. He came to Kathy and insulted her. It should also be pointed out that at some point Kathy had also put in a complaint, about this letter, to Hoksbergen’s supervisor and the professor was reprimaned, but Joan does not and will not tell you about that!

‘that her intentions are good’ …intensions my ass, any intelligent person knows that following through is what matters! Joan NEVER follows through, she only looks after her own interests.

‘to have a good friendship with you’ …that falls squarely onto Joan’s shoulders and no one else! How dare this stranger act as a ‘mediator’. I went to a professional mediator in 1981 to ‘have a good friendship’ and ‘solve problems’ with Joan and Joan told the mediator ‘go to hell’. The difference between my attempt, in 1981 and this one with Kathy, is that Kathy made DEMANDS of Joan, demands that Joan DIDN’T know how to handle…so she got Hoksbergen to help her.

‘it is a useful idea if you write me back.’ …no thank you! I do believe that Kathy did speak with the man on the phone and of course that conversation was misinterpreted by Joan later on. Oh yes, Joan is very very good at twisting words…her own daughter has said so!

‘that she very much want to solve the problems you have with each other’ …we have heard that before! How about it Joan? Do you want to solve the problems we have with you? Could easily be done…just take down those TWO blogs you have against us.

So there you have it, the evidence of Joan Wheeler’s own behavior of fabrication, telling lies, doing harassments, and other deeds that are not in her, now pulled from publication due to libelous material, book Forbidden Family.

We shall resume our review of the book in the next segment. Stay tuned!

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