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Joan Wheeler’s support group? ponders…one of life’s mysteries

by on September 12, 2011
Joan Wheeler’s support group? Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, ponders…one of life’s mysteries
Joan’s words are in itatic.
Title: I belong where ?
Post by…..: on September 23, 2010, 02:15:26 PM
I often wonder where I belong. I mean I love my adopted family so much but i’m not really one of them, then my birth family gave me away but i’m part of them. So where do I belong or am I not suppost to belong anywhere. Hmmm rather confused.
Title: Re: I belong where ?
Post by: 1adoptee on September 23, 2010, 08:32:10 PM
We adoptees all feel that way! Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Both families will criticize you, both will love you, and you will have contradictory feelings for all of them throughout the rest of your life. It IS crazymaking! That is why adoptees are often in mental health therapy because the situations themselves cause the mental confusion. What you feel is real and cannot be denied. It took me way too long to realize, and trust, that I belong HERE. My two families see it their way and can’t quite see another poinnt of you  — that is because none of them are adopted.
 Gert comments here:
Sad, sad, sad…that these people haven’t a clue about where they belong! Perhaps if they acted like civilized people then perhaps others wouldn’t be so critical of them!
Joan doesn’t know how to handle any kind of criticism, she is too traumatized to understand that other people do have different views from hers and that does not make them wrong. Mental confusion!! Adoption causes mental confusion? Does Joan really believe that because she is adopted she can cling to this mental confusion and not take responsibility for any of her actions? Ignorance and mental confusion are no excuse for hurting other people. Joan Wheeler knows that she has done wrong but she chooses not to admit it. Joan would rather live with her hate and be angry then be healthy and well-adjusted and to know where she belongs.
Is there another standard here when applied to the birth family? What about when and how the adoptive family criticizes the birth family and then poisons the adoptee against the birth family? Such criticism has caused me mental confusion. Is that a valid confusion, for me, because I’m NOT adopted? Should I be in some sort of mental health therapy because the adopted family blames me and the rest of my family for so many transgressions that only the adopted mother knows about? Damned if I do and damned if I don’t for being the birth sister. I have so many contradictory feelings, and my god, they will be with me for the rest of my life!!! I’m pulling my hair out and crying and yelling because I don’t BELONG! What is a birth sister to do? Perhaps I ought to start a support group for birth family members so they can beat up all those ‘angry adult adoptees’ that go after us!
Are we, the birth family NOT allowed to have contradictory feelings of ‘do we love the reunited adoptee or do we not?’ Particularly when everything revolves around the adoptee and their feelings. Because I told the adoptee, in 1981, to ‘butt out of my business’ the adoptee held that against me, deemed me to be totally wrong, went to authorities and claimed falsehoods upon me all which caused me mental confusion and…what can I do! And what about my CHILDREN and my husband and other members of several families that were HARMED and DESTROYED by Joan’s falsehoods? We all have to LIVE with the trauma that was inflicted upon us! Mental confusion!! I have had to relive, since 2009, what the adoptee did to me and my family ALL OVER AGAIN IN PRINT because the adoptee, has the right, to publish a book of lies. Where do I BELONG! Certainly not in the heart of the adoptee called Joan Wheeler!
If Joan Wheeler doesn’t know where she belongs I can tell her…in HELL… for publishing a filthy book of lies. Now she will ALWAYS hear and see everything she has written come back to her in full, for I will continue to find and place here everything Joan has said and tell the truth about those statements.
Joan says: ‘It took me way too long to realize, and trust, that I belong HERE. My two families see it their way and can’t quite see another point of you  — that is because none of them are adopted.’
Being adopted has NOTHING to do with the facts that Joan Wheeler has done dirt to birth family members, has dishonored the birth parents and if Joan has mental confusion it is because of a guilty conscience. Joan HAD two families if she doesn’t know where she belongs that is because she herself destroyed her relationships within those two families.
To feel trust and belongingness in a ‘support group’ that only wants to go after anyone who adopts because they are mentally confused adoptees full of hate and rage, is a very sad sick situation. Why can’t Joan feel ‘belonged’ with her own kin? Because she is not mentally confused but mentally unstable. Being adopted is NOT an excuse for stupidity, lying and fabricating falsehoods, and intentionally exposing and exploiting BOTH birth and adoptive families! Being adopted is not a mental illness unless you choose it to be!

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