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Joan Wheeler’s attempts at ‘Mending the Broken Pieces of Our Lives’

by on September 20, 2011
 Chapter 31 of Joan Wheeler’s book, Forbidden Family….her attempts at ‘Mending the Broken Pieces of Our Lives’
I had written this post, about chapter 31 of Forbidden Family, in September of 2010; it is revised here in September 2011
continuing on with Joan’s life of horror… as we have seen in…
Confucius said:
“First there must be order and harmony within your own mind. Then this order will spread to your family, then to the community, and finally to your entire kingdom. Only then can you have peace and harmony.”
Unfortunately that concept, and much more, is totally wasted on Joan. The first sentence of this chapter, pg 369, as with everything in and of her life, begins, ‘In spite of the turmoil…’ God! It must be just plain awful to have nothing but turmoil, in your life, especially when it is all in one’s own mind and of one’s own doing! Joan, to this day, has not learned that ‘you are the thoughts you think’. But anyway she says, ‘in spite of the turmoil, I was more of a success in college the second time around…’ Then she gives a synopsis of her accomplishments ending with ‘…received my diploma in May of 2000.’
So the big questions are…what about her children and what has she done with all that education and degrees? Let’s see if we can find out. Oh dear…! ‘…to pursue my professional goals, I’d have to move. I couldn’t follow my dream without economic security…with no one to support me I put my dream…to rest. I found temporary employment in a homeless shelter for six months…nervously went to work…I was very much afraid of people.’
Poor Dear! So instead of staying home and taking care of her children, whom obviously had some serious problems, she goes back to school. Must be nice to have an adoptive mother who paid for all that schooling. But then, not only can’t she put those years of an education to work, outside of a homeless shelter, but she also is afraid of people! You can’t support yourself if you are constantly afraid…sounds like a problem to me. What the hell WAS SHE THINKING? If you are afraid of people WHY don’t you fix that issue first. And if you went back to college wouldn’t you FIRST research whether or not you COULD GET a job with all the years of school? I went to ONE year of vocational school to learn dental assistanting and WORK for 37 years in that profession and I did NOT have anyone supporting me or helping with raising my children.
And instead of focusing on her children she focuses on, you guessed it, ‘the hate mail wouldn’t end’. Not again! Dear me! This time around I do believe that Joan has started to put her ‘inner life’ out on the paper for all of us to see, because now she is telling really absurd tales with the obscene language that comes with the personality changes that occur with her type of mental illness. Even in her ‘editing’ of this book, which I’ve been told was an on-going thing with her, she was rewriting it up to the time of publication, and she does not ‘soften’ the language of the so-called hate mail. First I must say that I don’t believe that she received hate mail during this time period of 2000. Second, the way it is presented here points to it being done by someone who is really ‘off the wall’ and the only person that fits that bill is Joan herself. As we have seen from previous blog posts were both Ruth and I have provided DETAILED documentation to show that Joan has made up a great deal of the hate-mail herself.
In the previous chapter we learned that Joan burned all kinds of documents, in front of her children, but apparently not this ‘delicious’ bit of obscene garbage. She even says, ‘in case my readers may not believe me, and I burned all of the other letters, here’s a copy of the original handwritten card’. She kept the hate-note just so she COULD put it in the book, pg 370. No, she MADE IT UP because only a sick mind would do such a thing and at the same time believe that by telling such a tale and printing vile obscene language, that this would help her cause of adoption reform! Please would someone tell me how this helps adoption reform?
Now that you know that you will see much obscene language in this book would you spend over $35 for it, if it was available that is…but seeing that the publisher pulled it for libel you will have to take my word for it. The obscene language was only one reason the book got pulled. I got the book for free and can’t wait till I’m done with this reporting so I can burn it, the book that is!  And of course who gets the blame for this new form of hate mail? Why that nasty sister Ruth and her friend, but Joan had no concrete proof only more lies.
She says, ‘I did nothing and trusted no one.’ She asks a stupid question, ‘how much longer did I have to live in fear?’ Answer, as long as it stays in your mind, in other words, forget the shit and get on with your life and be free. But noooo, for her to get a life she would not have a HORRIBLE tale of woe to tell and sell.  
On pg 371 we are told a tale of how Joan’s daughter was given an assignment to produce a family tree and the tale is a great example of how daughter learns from mother, over and over again. Some one taught Dorothy, who then taught Joan, who then taught her daughter, etc., and the circle of ignorance, hate and intolerance continues on. The information that Joan wants to tell the readers comes from the mouth of her child who says ‘…my mother and father are divorced, Dad left us and moved to South Carolina to be with his mother who moved there before I was born. Dad’s father doesn’t bother with us since he moved to Arizona. Grandpa Wheeler (Joan’s adoptive father) died before I was born. We don’t see Grandpa and Grandma Sippel (our parents) anymore thanks to Aunt Ruth. I miss them. I don’t remember the uncles. Your sisters are mean. They don’t act like aunts and uncles. Besides Grandma Wheeler (Joan’s adoptive mother) and my brother I have no family.’ Isn’t that interesting! No mention of the fact that there are two more aunts, me and Kathy, that are not in the picture, but at every turn Joan says that it is the ‘sisters’, in the plural that are the harassers. The focus, at this time-period, was Ruth. It is a very sad thing that this child has internalized the bullshit that Joan has fed her. And, it is appalling the Joan EXPLOITS her own daughter…to prove her point…that adoption is bad.
So the daughter ‘…was sobbing…she was in emotional crisis. There was nothing I (Joan) could do but sit by her side and cry with her.’ The son too ‘…felt the strain…he was disgusted with the whole damn thing, especially me. I can’t stand you, he snarled. I didn’t have a childhood, no memories…went to his room and sobbed…the life I wanted for my kids never really happened. We became the dysfunctional family I feared. We were dislocated from even each other.’
So as we see here, in this chapter, the fallout of Joan’s actions and her illness in regards to her children. She calls her family ‘dysfunctional’ but she does not see that that dysfunction CAME from her own acitons. WHY would this mother detail these things with in her children’s lives in a book? Doesn’t she see how she is documenting her own mental illness, her own abuse to her children and detailing just how her family got to be dysfunctional? Of course not, for to Joan, the reasons are not hers but ADOPTION. Adoption is the cause of all that she see and feels is dysfunctional in her life and she has been willing to exploit her own children to prove it.
As a mother all Joan can do is ‘sit by her side and cry with her’! She ‘felt like a monster, a depressed, screaming raving maniac who seemed to hate her own children…was desperate for help…was there anybody there…dragged myself through the drudgery of work, overtime, meetings in the evenings, mandatory weekends…’
Was this ‘work, overtime, meetings in the evenings, mandatory weekends’ part of the job at a homeless shelter? She might have done better to stay home with her children for what it cost them! But have no fear…‘at least they had their grandmother when I wasn’t home.’ Now that’s a great comfort! Where’s the mending that this chapter promises? All I see is more of the same mental illness and broken lives.
Joan then repeats, in case the readers haven’t gotten it before, her symptoms of hyper-vigilance…‘couldn’t sleep…brain wouldn’t shut off…woke up suddenly, frightened that something bad would happen…didn’t want to leave the house…jumped in fear of phone and mail…panicked…froze…going to work was a chore…terrified of people…ashamed of my life…if they knew they’d hate me more…accumulation of a lifetime of abnormal traumatic stress…resulted in major depression, nervousness, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks and health problems…when would I start to heal?’
How about when you stop talking about it and when you get the real help you need! And where is the mending?
On pg 372, she talks about Sept 11 and how she didn’t call her birth father (our father). She didn’t call him because ‘…we were not on speaking terms…’ but then a month later she says ‘…my father reached out to me through an independent person who passed his urgent message to me.’ How else was he to reach her, she had changed her phone number! We must remember that we are listening to a paranoid person when we listen to Joan, that and she doesn’t remember what she had said before the page she is on. She is just rambling on with her inner thoughts.
She continues; ‘…nine years of not speaking to each other…he wanted to know how I was doing…strange after all these years of silence, why should he care.’ That’s coming from Joan’s mind, she can’t conceive of any other possibility like perhaps he has always cared and wanted to know her but was not going to put up with her nonsense! He was getting older and when a person gets older they want to connect and reconnect, but Joan is paranoid. ‘We spoke of the present…but I didn’t trust him…certainly didn’t trust my sisters…would reconnecting with my father mean backlash from them?’ Paranoia! Then she wonders about other birth members and stepsisters wondering ‘…would I be opening myself to attacks…’ Paranoia! And then she drops it. Where’s the mending?
She relates stories of meeting relatives, birth and adoptive, at various funerals. In a passing comment she says. ‘…blood cousin Gail, died…we weren’t close but I wanted to pay my respects.’ She seems to have selectively forgotten here that it was this same cousin that she accused of harassing her! See pg 360! Joan is a hypocrite and she can’t remember what vileness she wrote about Gail only 14 pages earlier! Here at Gail’s funeral she meets Ruth again. I shall let Ruth comment on that scene, as describe on pg 375.
Joan continues to tell of meeting other relatives, visits with Dad were not frequent because she had health problems, outings with her adoptive mother, and then back to visits with Dad. ‘We slowly rebuilt a meaningful relationship without the interference of his older daughters.’ She could have had that before because ‘his older daughters’ had not and were not interfering in her life anyway! She goes on to talk about Dad’s wife, yes she is a lovely woman, we all know that and we all care about her and therefore it is quite upsetting to see what Joan has printed here! How dare she! Joan states, ‘…this woman endured harsh remarks, jealousy and bitter feelings form her stepchildren, who were young adults, not children, when she married into the family.’ Excuse me!!! Joan was not there to know. My stepmother was always treated with love and respect. I have addressed this issue in previous posts when Joan has said similar remarks. This kind of misrepresentation of the relationships between my siblings and my stepmother is Joan’s way of portraying the split between the family and her self. The fact that she continuously repeats stories in this book is proof that she ‘believes her version’ and wants the readers to believe them as she does. She can’t conceive of her own behaviors as having any ill affects on anyone, let alone my stepmother. According to Joan, ‘My reunion wasn’t a failure. My parents and I now had a reunion free from meddlers. We could be ourselves.’ Excuse me!!
And that is the end of this chapter. Big question is; were is the mending of the broken pieces of her and her children’s lives? There was nothing in this chapter to point to any form of mending only more mental illness symptoms and paranoia. This chapter covers the years between 2000 and 2003 and I saw no mending taking place expect, in Joan’s mind as she reconstructs reality once again. And as we shall see she can’t even maintain a reunion, let alone a relationship, with Dad on her own for very long.
‘First there must be order and harmony within your own mind.’

I want to write a companion piece to this and other posts by Gert, but just don’t have time right now. But I did write this post, concerning my thoughts on the piece of hate mail that Joan says came from me.
It is called “Joan Wheeler’s condemnation of her birth sister Ruth smacks of stupid judgment – and Ruth turns the tables right back on Joan.” and you can read it by going to this url address.

  1. I want to write a companion piece to this and other posts by Gert, but just don’t have time right now. But I did write this post, concerning my thoughts on the piece of hate mail that Joan says came from me.
    It is called “Joan Wheeler’s condemnation of her birth sister Ruth smacks of stupid judgment – and Ruth turns the tables right back on Joan.” and you can read it by going to this url address.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Joan Wheeler’s condemnation of her birth sister Ruth smacks of stupid judgment – and Ruth turns the tables right back on Joan. « Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family –
  2. another chapter in Joan Wheeler’s lying-hateful book « Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family –

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