Skip to content

Joan Wheeler lies again…about how she was ‘given away’.

by on October 17, 2011
Joan Wheeler lies again…about how she was ‘given away’.
 
On the public forum of Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, the question was asked, why do parents give up their child? For sure it is an emotional charged issue! There is never just one answer…the world is not an easy place to live in and not everyone makes it out alive or in one piece.
 
I know in my own adult life I’ve wondered, at times, how I was going to feed my children. I know two people who, at young ages, were placed in foster homes, in the 40s because their parents couldn’t feed them. I myself lived in a foster home for 8 years, my sisters and brothers went to foster homes and orphan homes, because there was no one left but my father to take care of us and he had to work  2 jobs. I have known many kids who were not with their parents for any number of reasons. The list is endless.
 
One thing I know for a fact is…is that everytime Joan Wheeler opens her mouth to speak ‘her story’ it is always different because she always lies and she can’t remember just how it goes! We shall see Joan’s complete lying tale, following my comments, but first I want to address a couple of issues..again.
 
Joan says:
and three months later married a womam who was his girlfriend in high school. So he did provide a second mother for the other four older children, but he let me go.
 
I have posted before about the truth of this…. Joan Wheeler’s Loss of Reason on July 30, 2011
 
Truth: My father’s second wife, whom he did marry three months after my mother’s death, was NOT his girlfriend in high school! They did not know each other in high school. They met in Washington DC during WW11. I am uncertain on the particulars of how my father reconnected with her, but they did while my mother was still living while in the hospital. The woman had never married and had 2 sons. My father proposed that he would support and care for her as a wife and her youngest son, but not the eldest son. She proposed that she would support and care for him as a husband and his four children BUT not the infant (Joan). That is the reason that the infant was placed out to adoption; not because a priest said the child needs two parents or because my father ‘just’ wanted to ‘let Joan go’. 
 
Joan says:
He told me after we were reunited that he had regretted his decision, but he lived with it,, hoping that I would not hate him for it. I never held it against him, as I don’t know how he felt dealing with the death of his wife at age 30. So we have half orphans right here in America who have lost their entire families. I don’t think my father was given emotional or financial support to keep his family together. 
 
Joan always likes to make a big point of how our father regretted his actions…the truth is…my father UNDERSTOOD that he made decisions at that time and that was the way it was, period. Dad NEVER regretted any of his decisions! Joan likes to talk about how MANY conversations she had with Dad to prove HER point…that she GOT WHAT SHE WANTED, AN APOLOGY for being adopted. She also goes out of her way to tell people that her adopted mother NEVER APOLOGIED to her! All this proves is that Joan is a browbeater…I know for fact that my father REMOVED her from his presence and home several times because of her insistence of browbeating an issue to death!
 
And Joan DOES hold it against Dad and everyone because she was/is adopted…the whole purpose of that lying book was to show JUST HOW MAD she is at everyone for being adopted!
 
How does Joan KNOW that Dad wasn’t given emotional and financial support? What makes HER the expert on how a family, any family, is to be KEPT TOGETHER? No one knows what millions of factors that are presence at the time when a wife and mother of 5 children DIES. No one can second-guess all those conditions decades later and make the parent live though the agonies again and again and again…but, Joan Wheeler believes that she is right and she will continue to tell every one how right she is!
 
Opinions are like assholes…everyone has one!
 
 
 1adoptee, AKA, Joan Wheeler said:
 
« Reply #18 on: October 14, 2011, 06:12:20 PM »
 
 
I’m really in  the minority here. My natural mother was married for ten years, had four children and pregnant with me, her fifth. (My appologies to those who know my story, but it bears repeating because not every adoptees comes from not-married parents). My mother was dying while pregnant with me. I was born two months prematurely and the next three months my mother lay in a hosptial bed, dying of cancer. My father had a job and his parents helped take care of the other four kids and the toddler who was not in school. His parents were old and sick themselves and there was no one else in either his family nor my mother’s family who could take care of me. At my mother’s wake, two people influenced my father. One was the parish priest who said, “the baby needs two parents” (Didn’t the other four need two parents as well?) And, a woman approached my father and said, “I know someeone who will take your baby.” She knew my natural mother since grade school and she knew that her older brother and his wife had been childless for 18 years. Additionally, my godparents were taking care of me when I was disccharged from the hospital and they wanted to adopt me, but my father didn’t agree. He relinquished me to the woman’s brother and his wife and three months later married a womam who was his girlfriend in high school. So he did provide a second mother for the other four older children, but he let me go. He told me after we were reunited that he had regretted his decision, but he lived with it,, hoping that I would not hate him for it. I never held it against him, as I don’t know how he felt dealing with the death of his wife at age 30. So we have half orphans right here in America who have lost their entire families. I don’t think my father was given emotional or financial support to keep his family together.
 
comment by 

Geez, Joan is so full of it. She most certainly DID hold her adoption against our father –
Back in either 1979 or 1980 – she was at my apartment in the Black Rock section of Buffalo. Somehow wewere talking about the curio cabinet that I have that once belonged to my paternal grandfather. Although my grandmother had given it to me when I was still a child, it had been kept in my father’s attic until I was grown. My stepmother had some items of hers appraised by a visiting antique dealer and he was interested in the cabinet. He said he would pay $400.00 on the spot. (This was around 1972 – I have no idea what it would go for now, besides, Gert’s daughter Karen wants it, so I would never sell it).

When the antique dealer said he would buy it, my stepmother told my father, “Ruth could use that money.” My father said, “She would never sell it. She loves that cabinet. That cabinet belonged to my mother, I would be angry if she sold it.”

When I told Joan that story, she said bitterly, “He wants to keep a piece of furniture, but threw me away like a piece of garbage.”

No he didn’t. He did what he thought best at the time. As any of us do. As any parent on this planet make decisions for their children. Are the decisions correct? I’m sure many parents the world over make decisions and hope that they are doing the right thing. And by god, nobody should go up to them years later and try to make them feel guilty for those decisions. I’m not talking about the real stupid decisions of some idiots out there – like the ones who leave their little babies in a hot car while they go and get their hair done or have the car in a parking lot of a casino and the parents are in there gambling. Or the real bad decisions like trying to sell your kids for drug money or the horrible ones like selling your kids for prostitution. NO, Gert and I talking about decisions that our father made FOR THE PURPOSE OF THE WELFARE OF HIS CHILDREN. Would they have 3 meals per day? A roof over their heads and a bed to sleep in. An adult present to watch over them for their safety and comfort. and he couldn’t do those things working two jobs. Joan was an infant – and there was no one to help him care for her.

This was the 50′s – there were no daycare centers. There was no welfare system like we have now. My father did what he thought best at the time, and my father was always the type to NEVER HOLD REGRETS ON HIS DECISIONS! (Perhaps at times in his life, he did reflect on back on his life, but he NEVER apologized for what he did in the best interest of his children.)

For god’s sake Joan, This is the year 2011. This decision was made back in 1956. GET THE HELL OVER IT AND START LIVING! IT’S DONE! YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE PAST!

Joan turned 21 in the year 1977. THIRTY-FOUR YEARS AGO! To waste 34 years, and your entire adult life bitching and moaning about a decision that was made 55 years ago is stupid, stupid, stupid! Ridiculous.

additional comment by Gert…

I agree with Ruth! I also want to state here that I wholly agree with Ruth’s statement:  To waste 34 years, and your entire adult life bitching and moaning about a decision that was made 55 years ago is stupid, stupid, stupid! Ridiculous.

There are people and agencies out there that have taken great offense to that statement/sentiment BECAUSE they believe that the adoptee has been damaged by adoption, that members of those that are adopted are damaged by adoption and that is their reasons to outlaw adoption and go after everyone who is in favor of adoption etc.

So I want to be it perfectly clear…to waste one’s life over something that happened during their childhood is  a waste of a life! Furthermore, I will never accept the nonsense that I and the rest of my family is DAMAGED because of Joan’s adoption!

more on this issue will be forth-coming…

 

Advertisements
One Comment
  1. Geez, Joan is so full of it. She most certainly DID hold her adoption against our father –
    Back in either 1979 or 1980 – she was at my apartment in the Black Rock section of Buffalo. Somehow wewere talking about the curio cabinet that I have that once belonged to my paternal grandfather. Although my grandmother had given it to me when I was still a child, it had been kept in my father’s attic until I was grown. My stepmother had some items of hers appraised by a visiting antique dealer and he was interested in the cabinet. He said he would pay $400.00 on the spot. (This was around 1972 – I have no idea what it would go for now, besides, Gert’s daughter Karen wants it, so I would never sell it).

    When the antique dealer said he would buy it, my stepmother told my father, “Ruth could use that money.” My father said, “She would never sell it. She loves that cabinet. That cabinet belonged to my mother, I would be angry if she sold it.”

    When I told Joan that story, she said bitterly, “He wants to keep a piece of furniture, but threw me away like a piece of garbage.”

    No he didn’t. He did what he thought best at the time. As any of us do. As any parent on this planet make decisions for their children. Are the decisions correct? I’m sure many parents the world over make decisions and hope that they are doing the right thing. And by god, nobody should go up to them years later and try to make them feel guilty for those decisions. I’m not talking about the real stupid decisions of some idiots out there – like the ones who leave their little babies in a hot car while they go and get their hair done or have the car in a parking lot of a casino and the parents are in there gambling. Or the real bad decisions like trying to sell your kids for drug money or the horrible ones like selling your kids for prostitution. NO, Gert and I talking about decisions that our father made FOR THE PURPOSE OF THE WELFARE OF HIS CHILDREN. Would they have 3 meals per day? A roof over their heads and a bed to sleep in. An adult present to watch over them for their safety and comfort. and he couldn’t do those things working two jobs. Joan was an infant – and there was no one to help him care for her.

    This was the 50’s – there were no daycare centers. There was no welfare system like we have now. My father did what he thought best at the time, and my father was always the type to NEVER HOLD REGRETS ON HIS DECISIONS! (Perhaps at times in his life, he did reflect on back on his life, but he NEVER apologized for what he did in the best interest of his children.)

    For god’s sake Joan, This is the year 2011. This decision was made back in 1956. GET THE HELL OVER IT AND START LIVING! IT’S DONE! YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE PAST!

    Joan turned 21 in the year 1977. THIRTY-FOUR YEARS AGO! To waste 34 years, and your entire adult life bitching and moaning about a decision that was made 55 years ago is stupid, stupid, stupid! Ridiculous.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: