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Joan Wheeler speaks out again, on a news site, and gets shut out!

by on November 2, 2011
  Joan Wheeler speaks out again, on a news site, and gets shut out!
 
 On the forum for Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change…Joan Wheeler speaks out and Gert answers her and Joan gets shut down!
 
It must be remembered that Joan Wheeler and this ‘group’ are totally anti-adoption and will go to many lengths to infiltrate news sites and blogs to browbeat people whom adopt, for any reason. Joan, using ‘1adoptee’ tries to get more people to leave comments on a newsite. As usual we siblings are not interested in the adoption issues or debates, we are interested in Joan’s constant lies and there are times when we can’t address every one, but, are still able to get Joan shut down!
  
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/10/23/the-dilemmas-of-international-adoption/?ref=opinion October 23, 2011, 5:15 PMThe ‘Enabling Violation’ of International Adoption By DRUCILLA CORNELL
 
« Reply #20 on: October 26, 2011, 10:28:01 AM »
 
 
We need more comments from adoptees over there! Great comments from those who have already posted! The New York Times posted my two comments last night, and a third is now waiting for moderation:
 
1 This discussion centers around orphans in far away countries. But we have them right here in America. My mother died of cancer just three months after my premature birth. She left behind her husband and 5 half-orphaned children, ages 3 months, 3 years, 6 years, 8 years, and 9 years. At our mother’s funeral, the parish priest said to our father: “The baby needs two parents” and a woman approached our father and said: “I know someone who will take your baby.” Her brother became my adoptive father. There was no help from Catholic Charities, or any other agency, or any person, to keep my natural family together in 1956. The push was for our father to give up his infant and proceed with his life, never mind the fact that the baby would grow up without him and her older full blood siblings and that they would grow up without their baby sister and that a father would lose his last born child. I was raised as an only child in my adoptive home. My loving adoptive parents never wanted me to know I had full blood siblings living in the same city. They loved and cherished me for the first 18 years of my life, lying to me the whole time. They knew my father and they knew my mother while she was alive. Yet they took me as their own and prevented me from having relationships with my own siblings. My adoptive parents’ world collapsed when, at age 18, I received a phone call from a sister I never knew. My adoptive parents were caught in their lie. Both of my adoptive parents were, themselves, half orphans. My adoptive mother’s mother died when she was two and her father paid for his four children to be cared for in an orphanage. My adoptive father’s father died when he was eleven. His mother kept all 8 children while my father quit school and picked old broken radios and chairs to fix to bring in money. NONE of these children were ever given up for adoption: they were allowed to know each other and their deceased parent’s family. I was not given the same courtesy and consideration for how I might feel being kept apart from my own siblings and my father and my extended family.
 
2 There is another part to all adoptions that must be brought up: that is the issue of birth certificates. I was born with one name, given a birth certificate, and was baptized at the bedside of my dying mother. When I was adopted, my birthname ceased to exist. My family of origin ceased to exist. I was issued a false birth certificate (as all adoptees are) claiming that I, in my new adoptive name, was born to a woman who could not give birth. The father named did not sire me. Yet, the hospital, time and date of birth, and the “fact” that I was a single birth, were all listed as if true. The Registrar of Vital Statistics signed his name and affixed the State embossed emblem on the new birth certificate, certifying that all the information on this birth certificate was true. It is not true. I resent being forced to carry around a falsified government birth certificate while the truth of my birth is sealed from me. An adoption certificate that reflects the facts of the adoption would be much better than a falsified birth certificate. Additionally, the Catholic Church issued a falsified baptismal certificate three years after my actual baptism — in my adoptive name indicating that I was baptized under my new adoptive name. That is untrue and a lie certified as truth by the signature of the priest who signed the new baptismal certificate and embossed the raised seal of the church on the document. I am personally saddened by this author’s “take” on B J Lifton’s work. I knew BJ for many years through adoption reform conferences. I learned a great deal about myself from her as a person and reading her books.
 
3 Adoption laws in America were created to hide illegitimacy, but real half and full orphans like myself (and those who come from third world countries) don’t need to be “legitimized” by being given two parents. For that matter, the very idea that a child born of not married parents is singled out as illegitimate in today’s supposedly enlightened society is appalling. International adoptions require that pre-adoptive parents obtain a “new” amended birth certificate for the child they are in the process of adopting before the child even leaves the country of birth. The adoptive parents are listed as the parents by birth, even when there is a race difference between them and the child. Why not leave the birth certificate for a child alone? Why not promote family preservation and improvement of social constructs within a poor country to build up families and society in the homeland? If there is going to be adoption, why not create an adoption certificate that details the facts of adoption while leaving the facts of birth intact? This is the way it is done in progressive countries such as The Netherlands. Better still, if you are still going to remove children from a third world country (which I am opposed to) why not be a legal guardian to that child? A legal guardian will provide a home and have legal authority for parental decisions, but the child’s birth certificate remains intact, and so does the natural family connections. In adoption, the natural family is destroyed to build a new adoptive family. It should be illegal to officially change the facts of birth of any child. It should be illegal to deprive a child of their blood family, their heritage, their native language and customs, and their nation. Children languishing in foreign orphanages? — Fix the problems that exist in that nation and help the children stay with their families. 
****
 
So I get on the site and post my comment is #156 and I say…
 
re: #143
As a blood sister of ‘halforphan56’ I must point out that the continued exploitation of my family’s tragic loss of the death of my mother, by halforphan, to promote her warped sense of being adopted, is not only in bad taste, but extremely wrong…due to the many factual errors that she continues to spread. This person has a deep resentment to the Catholic Church, who did NOT have anything to due with the placement of her for adoption. She also believes, wrongly, that her adoption was a ‘setup’ by relatives…this gives her a sense of having been ‘wronged’.
 
Truth is…life can be hard at times and there are NO easy answers. My father’s elderly parents were taking care of 4 young children when my mother gave birth prematurely to a 5th. That child was in an incubator for weeks and then with materal relatives until my mother DIED and then a decision was made. The decision to have her placed into adoption was made by my father AFTER he had proposed a deal with a second wife. He would raise and be a father to her second (youngest) child if she would raise and be a mother to his 5. That woman said NO to the infant. That is when the decision to have the infant placed into adoption was made. There was NO priest involved. People certainly met at my mother’s funeral, BUT, no decision was made at that time. This person was NOT baptized at the bedside of her dying mother! She was ‘blessed’ for the sake of the mother. 
 
Personally, I believe that adoptees ought to have access to the medical history of their families. I resent greatly the continued lies and misrepresentation that this woman tells about my mother and my family to all for a misplaced anger at what her life is. Will she ever learn to stop lying? Probably not! She does not do her cause any good by continuting to exploit and lie about her and MY mother and family!  gertmcqueen.wordpress.com
***
 
Joan attempts her ‘attack’ upon me….
 
 
#163 halforphan 56, Buffalo, NYOctober 30th, 2011
Contacting and reuniting with natural family should be done with proper thought, careful planning, and consideration for the person and family being found. If my natural father had been given opportunity to be the one to make first contact, he would have handled it differently by contacting my adoptive parents first. Since I was still in high school at the time, I was unprepared for how the reunion unfolded. When my two fathers were together face to face, there were handshakes and tears. My natural father extended his hand to my adoptive mother as well. As the reunion went on, my two sets of parents met often with me and developed positive relationships, eventually welcoming grandchildren, having parties, and visiting each other even into old age. I was in the middle and tried the best I could to make sure both sets of parents knew I cared about them by acknowledging that I had “Two sets of real parents”. I wanted peace between the two families and they agreed. It was the fighting that my three older sisters created that caused the breakdown of our reunion. Keep in mind: I had relationships with other relatives besides them, and still do.
 
I am not exploiting anyone by telling my story. My older siblings never wanted me to speak out and write about my adoption. They complained all these years (since 1976) whenever I wrote articles in the paper about adoptees’ rights. I am an adoption reformer, whether it be domestic or intercountry adoptions. I firmly believe that adoptees have the right to know their natural parents and other blood kin, despite the negativity of my sisters. They do not know that “no” means “no”. I want nothing to do with these people, yet they continue to interfere with my life. Not all reunions end up this way, but this negativity points to the evidence that adoption destroys families forever.
***
 
I then submitted another couple of comments…which never made it on the site, but are well worth seeing.
re: #163 by halforphan56
When she was 18, her four siblings wanted to make contact. I spoke with a lawyer and an adoption agency and was told that yes indeed siblings COULD legally make contact with an adoptee once they were 18. She was ‘looking’ for her birth family, but she has choosen to focus only on the fact that it was her siblings, namely me because I was the eldest, who made the initial contact.
 
I do not for a second buy this adoptee’s reasonings, about anything, for I have known how she thinks or doesn’t think at and about any given circumstance. This person continues to place blame for her inabilities of everything onto everyone else. I shall not take the blame for her, at age 18, for NOT being prepared for LIFE, that was the adopted parents responsiblity, not mine. I will take responsibility NOW for the fact that it was the WORST MISTAKE of my life for ever wanting to know this sibling that was placed out of our family. Blood doesn’t make a sibling, this sibling was not raised like we were and therefore she can not comprehend HOW we think, and that is why she exploits us, to make us into what she thinks we are or should have been. Read all about just how this adoptee was the victim by her siblings, please do come and take a look.
 
When you lie about things, to promote a cause, that is called exploitation! I did not give you permission to speak or write about my life. If ‘NO’ means no then why has this person, not only continued to interfer with our lives, for years, but then wrote a libelous book about us and everyone else’s lives? We have NOT been in her life. Today we are only refuting and setting the record straight from all the lies this person has told and continues to tell about us and family. She can write all she wants for adoptee rights, I never said she couldn’t! She can write about HER adoption. She CAN NOT write about MY LIFE. What I object to is her lying about my life and my family’s lives.****
 
and then my second comment
re: #163 by halforphan56
 
The word exploit means to take advantage of (a person, situation, etc.), esp unethically or unjustly for one’s own ends.This is exactly what halforphan56 continues to do, when she tells falsehoods about people and situations that relate to birth or adoptive family members. She NEVER addresses the truth when it is presented to her, ex. she will still cling to her wrong story about how she came to be place up for adoption, even when facts are given her, because it does not fit into her view of reality.
 
The so-called ‘negativity’  that she refers to is due to this person’s interference in our personal lives, since 1980 and then the exploitation of those events, with fabrications, for the purpose of fame and fortune…a book and her adoption ‘reform’ activities, which basically are bullying anyone who is in favor of adoption! She did not like the fact that I adopted my own son, or how I raised my minor children and therefore called false child abuse upon me twice. I have had 3 contacts with this person in 30 years…yet she can exploit me, with lies, forever! Know the character and behavior of halforphan56 before you believe her.
 
Ruth also left a comment…which did not get on the site…
  
HalfOrphan 56, aka Joan Wheeler is definetly a poster child for the delusions of anti-adoption. Ms. Wheeler says, (about her birth siblings): “(they) never wanted me to speak out and write about my adoption.” This is a complete fabrication. In 1980, I accompanied Ms. Wheeler to WGRZ-TV studios in Buffalo NY for an interview on adoption reunion and supported Joan in her desire to write a book on her adoption, her reunion, and her viewpoints. Ms. Wheeler spent the next 30 years, writing a book that contained complete falsehoods in it. We were reunited with her in 1974, by 1981, Ms. Wheeler became an interference in our lives. She disrupted many lives with her harassments. Yet, until the year 1990, I continued to try to reach out to her, to be a sister to her, until she stole several hundreds of dollars from me. After I broke off ties to her, she began a campaign of hate and harassments against me, including calling my place of employment almost daily for 6 months, trying to get me fired.
 
When her book was published in November 2009, I was appalled at the lies in it. One, that I have a criminal record and arrest record, both are falsehoods. In December of 2010, my sister Gert McQueen and I, submitted complaints to the publisher of Ms. Wheeler’s book, Trafford Publications, After several months of investigation, on May 6, 2011, Trafford pulled the book from publication on the grounds that Ms. Wheeler violated her contract with Trafford that her book contained no slander, libel, or that she owned sole copyrights to all content of the book. She had submitted a photograph, published on the back cover of the book,of my family, taken in 1955. Ms. Wheeler was not born until 1956, and, being adopted out in 1957, no longer a legal member of my family. How does this person own a copyright to a photograph of me, taken when I was 3 years old? – And Trafford Publications agreed. I am not going to get into any discussion of the morality/immorality of adoption. That is for people who have that passion to do. I merely want to set the record straight.
 
Joan Wheeler – Half Orphan – has been proven to be a liar, a trouble-maker, (one example is writing to me in 1999 that my infertile husband got the next-door neighbor pregnant), a person who represents her birth family, and herself. She claims to be a disabled social-worker, yet never worked a day as a social worker. She claims to have been a suicide prevention counselor, yet only worked as a volunteer manning telephones. She herself has threaten suicide as a ploy for attention for years, to my face at least twice, and once in 2010, on an onliine discussion forum. Ms. Wheeler says “Not all reunions end up this way, but this negativity points to the evidence that adoption destroys families forever.” – NO, it was not her adoption that destroyed our family – it was her own behavior that destroyed our reunion. Would you keep a person around you that steals from you, lies about you, tries to get you fired from your job, writes letters to you that your husband got another woman pregnant? NO?, Well, neither do I.
***
 Ruth did post all this on her blog along with another message that she sent directly to the moderators of the site saying that if they don’t publish our comments, which is their right, they also must not give voice to the liar Joan Wheeler. Within a few hours the site closed all comments! This proves the point…that when Joan starts to lie and we find out and speak out…the news site wants nothing to do with it. They don’t want to get themselves into a libelous situation. The newsite came and viewed our blogs, we know because of their web-addresses on our sites.
 
 Tuesday Nov 1, 2011
 

 - New York Times blog

readers’ Comments
 
The ‘Enabling Violation’ of International Adoption Defining adoption as “trauma” betrays a prejudice in favor of the traditional heterosexual family.
 
Comments are no longer being accepted.
 ****
 Now…one could argue that Joan got the last word, but did she? Nope!!
 She attemped to counter me, by ‘going after the sisters’ for everyone to see and understand.

 She said: I am not exploiting anyone by telling my story. My older siblings never wanted me to speak out and write about my adoption and he fighting that my three older sisters created that caused the breakdown of our reunion and despite the negativity of my sisters.

 These statements are not part of her comments on and about the article but direct attacks upon my comment about her LYING, and that, and Ruth and my additional comments that the moderators saw, gave them the reasons to close comments.

 By Joan saying ‘she isn’t exploiting anyone’, means she brought the whole issue RIGHT OUT FRONT and at the END…so she didn’t get the last word…I DID, because she was trying to present herself as NOT exploiting. Any fool can see that she certainly is. Joan Wheeler will never learn to shut her mouth. 

Ruth here (November 3): Please see my blog posts about this issue:

Joan Wheeler lies about her siblings again, does not want us to speak up for our reputations.  and Is Joan Wheeler helping or hurting the cause of Adoption Reform?

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