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Another goodie…what your mother eats…from Joan Wheeler

by on November 21, 2011
Another goodie…what your mother eats…from Joan Wheeler 
I recently captured a goodie from Joan. I asked Ruth to give her input, so this will be a joint posting. From the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, Joan Wheeler, using one of her AKAs of, 1adoptee, gives her rendition and opinion on what happens in the womb and gives us another definition of what constitutes child and mother abuse.
Joan Wheeler is an expert on what constitutes child abuse…she didn’t like the way I was raising my children so she called child abuse on me. She didn’t like the fact I was adopting, oh curses adopting, my own child, so she called child abuse on me. She used child abuse reporting to get even with me when I told her to butt out of my parental authority with my own children. She alienated my minor children from me; telling them that I was an unfit mother and that they did not have to listen nor obey me. Yes, Joan Wheeler KNOWS what constitues child abuse.
Now as far as mother abuse is concerned, she also know all about that one too. She abused her own adoptive mother for decades and documents it in that book. She even browbeated the adoptive mother on her death bed for an apology for the woman adopting Joan! The woman never apologied. Joan atttempted to browbeated my father and his wife, over the years, particularly when they were elderly, so much so that my father refused to have her in his presence! Joan has abused an elderly woman, my and my sisters’ foster mother…we wrote about that in:
So let’s see Joan Wheeler’s expert opinions on the early bonds between child and mother and what Joan’s opinions as to what is child abuse and mother abuse. Gert’s and Ruth’s comments are also here. 
« Reply #47 on: September 20, 2010, 10:52:04 AM »
This is true for prenatal hearing as well. My very earliest memories were of music I recognized, but didn’t knnow how I knew the tunes…puzzled me as a toddler. I recall actually being puzzled by the music, as if I’d heard it before, which I now know I did  hear it before. I can’t ask my natural mother because she died when I was three months old and my adoptive parents fed me bay food froom jars and baby pablum, Gerbers. I recall smells of that food, and have craved for cholcolate. My mother was very sick  (I was told) during her pregnancy with me so I don’t know what she ate as she vomited most of it back up.
Gert’s comment: I do wish that Joan would stop fixating on what her mother did or didn’t do…there is NO way for Joan to know so why should she constantly bring the topic up. Joan is NOT the only child of that DEAD woman! We will never know because she is DEAD…let the woman rest in peace! The reason that Joan opened her mouth on this topic is so that she could TALK because that is what Joan does best, talk and write letters. There is nothing of value in what Joan has say here or anywhere.
« Reply #49 on: September 20, 2010, 10:14:29 PM »
Yep. My children responded to music I listened to when pregnant with them, too. Human babies can hear in uterero. We even hear voices of our parents and siblings. That is the bonding process that continues through birth and after in the touching and smells and tastes. No substitue parents can ever have that bond with the newborn, that is betweeen the infant and the mother, ONLY! And to be ripped from the scared bond is child abuse…and mother abuse…
Gert’s comment: I’m sure that Joan meant was sacred instead of scared but because Joan types, talks and writes from her inner child and NEVER uses the spell-checker her words come out all wrong!
There are many reasons why the bond between child and mother could be severed and they don’t constitute any form of abuse, unless, in some kind of murder/kidnapping situation. But we are not talking of that here. We are talking about Joan’s perceptions of how she was ‘ripped’ from her mother! Joan was born pre-mature and spend several weeks in an incubator as many others have been. In this aspect Joan is NOT unique, nor was her mother! Such was NOT an act of abuse, either to mother or child! It is only in Joan’s mind that it is considered any form of abuse. Joan does love to dramatize everything!
Ruth’s comments:
Like she was the only one who was fed from baby food jars and Gerbers no less. So what’s wrong with Gerbers? It’s only been around for over a hundred years – and the classic sketch of a baby on the Gerbers jars was always rumored to be of Humphrey Bogart when he was a baby, altho Gerbers has always denied it.  
How would Joan know if Mom vomited most of her food up? Was she there? Did she see? How do any of us know how much she ate in the first place? – geez, I work in a hospital for crying out loud and it can be difficult for the nursing staff to monitor what our patients take in and vomit out – usually a walkie-talkie patient who throws up in the bathroom flushes the toilet THEN calls us – “I didn’t think to save it.”  Joan just needs to speak out her expertise in everything!
Except her puzzlements as a toddler over music – what a stupid remark. Toddlers don’t give a shit about song titles – they’re busy learning everthing, and what parent (natural or adopted) tells their toddler, “this song, The Hokey-Pokey, is sung by so and so, music and lyrics written by so and so, and sometimes played at weddings.” – No, the parents are teaching the kid the words and the melody by simply singing the song and telling the kid to sing with them. Of course, Joan AS A MOTHER probably did say stupid stuff to her kids.  
As for a child in uterero, after hearing their mother’s voice, and to be “ripped” from it, for that scared bond (did she mean sacred?) to have been ripped apart – oh the drama of it all! Geez – you’d think by now, 55 years later, Joan would have gotten over it! It’s not abuse – for crying out loud (which is what Joan is doing in her friggin’ whining) Most babies and toddlers do have “separation anxiety” when the mother goes out and the child is left with a babysitter for the first time. Or goes to school for the first time. Eventually they learn that even though they are separated from mommy, they will be okay. Why hasn’t Joan learned this yet? She has learned it, but just needs something to whine about.
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