What’s in a name? Joan Wheeler gives us her view on the topic.
Post by: 1adoptee on November 04, 2010, 02:43:29 PM
Let’s take Joan’s argument “My adoptive parents changed my name to three of their choosing (which I also see as their ownership of me)” to the next step –
If a BIRTH parent, (not adoptive) place name-labels on their newly born child, is it not THEIR perception of OWNING that child? After all, they refer to that child as MY son, MY daughter, OUR son, OUR daughter.
So let’s see what Joan herself did. When she gave birth to HER children, she gave them names. She did not ask their permission as to what they wanted to be named. Joan also refers to them as MY son, MY daughter. Does she own them?
In a very real sense, yes, parents (birth or adoptive) do OWN their children. They have the legal and moral right to make decisions for them. Because whether you like it or not, the human species takes many years for one of its entities to mature. Cats and dogs mature much faster – by two years of age, they are adults. Their gestation time in the womb is only a matter of weeks, while humans gestate for 9 months. Elephants gestate for much longer.
A human child, whether raised by birth family or others, are still helpless at the age of two. Cannot reason yet. The human body reaches sexual maturity in the teens, but the human mind is still maturing. That is why we have out-of-control teen sex and teen pregnancies.
A human child at the age of 9 or 10 still cannot make it’s own decisions. They are incapable of making even the most basic life choices – i.e., eating nutritional foods, not taking unnecessary risks (like playing on railroad tracks or looking both ways before crossing the street). A human child cannot hold down a job, (we will not get into the debate of child labor/child slavery here). A human child cannot prepare meals (can you see a 10 year old capable of earning the money, planning, shopping and preparing a full get-out holiday turkey/ham holiday feast?)
A human child does not have the emotional or logical maturity to recognize the need of an education and the need to stay in school.
THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF PARENTS!
Whether they are birth, adoptive or foster – it is THE PARENT OR GUARDIAN that makes the decisions that affect the life and destiny of a human child until that child reaches maturity. Just as in nature. Birds feed and take care of their hatchlings until maturity and then push them out of the nest at the correct time (maturity) so that they now can make their own decisions and control their own lives and destinies. So it goes with all other animals, humans too.
Joan does not seem to GET THIS. That, number one, whether their last name was Sippel or Wheeler, a man and a woman MADE ALL THE DECISIONS FOR JOAN WHILE SHE WAS A CHILD. And as a mother herself, JOAN MADE ALL THE DECISIONS FOR HER OWN CHILDREN.
The other part of it – when the human child reaches maturity and is now responsible for their own lives and destinies – Joan, at the age of 55, STILL has not gotten. She has not learned that SHE ALONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER LIFE.
She needs to STOP WHINING about her life. She needs to STOP BLAMING other people (her adoptive parents, two women who came up with the idea of placing her with the Wheelers, a Catholic priest influencing her birth father, and then later on: therapists who don’t understand adoptees. her birth siblings that found her, her birth sisters for not understanding her, her birth sisters who will not boo-hoo every day in sympathy for her, her birth sisters for every little thing that goes wrong in her life, the legal system in America for injustices to her, her switched names, her switched birth certificate, her switched baptismal certificate, a divorce court judge who told her to go back to her maiden name, old boyfriends, blah, blah, blah, blah)
When will Joan GROW UP AND SEE THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE LIFE OF JOAN WHEELER – well, they have some things to do with her life – but ultimately, especially now that she is an adult (????) it is JOAN and ONLY JOAN who is responsible for her life.
“that which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”
— William Shakespeare, “Romeo and Juliet.”
additional comment by Gert: