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What’s in a name? Joan Wheeler gives us her view on the topic.

by on December 4, 2011
 Are we our name? Is there more to us than our personal identity? Just what is our identity? Are we only a physical body with a name? Where is your soul? Is it in your name? Who decides that you are to be created and born? Who picks your parents? What lessons are there to be learned in your life?
 
You will NEVER learn the answers to any of those questions, or more, if you listen to Joan Wheeler…for she knows nothing.
 
From the public forum Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change.
 
Title: Re: What’s in a name?
Post by: 1adoptee on November 04, 2010, 02:43:29 PM
 
Because of the circumstances of my birth to married parents, I was named at birth with a first, middle and last name. My adoptive parents changed my name to three of their choosing (which I also see as their ownership of me) to a new first, middle and last name. They ignored the fact that I was named by two previous parents and was legally that name for the first year and three months of my life. To my adoptive parents, I suppose, this was not important. To me, my names are very important. I lost my first legal names due to adoption and refused to change my name upon marriage. So I was pissed at the divorce judge who told me I could go back to my “maiden” name, even though I told him at the divorce proceedings that I never changed my name. I didn’t bring up the fact that I had been adopted…So, yeah, I have two sets of names. I use my legal name and won’t change anything back to what it was before being adopted because I have psychologically become the names given to me via adoption. And yes, due to these circumstances and the fact that I was found at an early age (18) and had to struggle with two families and two names and two birth certificates, I have to live with being labeled by mental health professionals as having an identity disorder.I wish adoptive parents would stop changing adoptees names at adoption. This is too much for a normal person to live through.
 Gert’s comments:
 
Regardless of any circumstances of a birth…there never has been and never will be, a person who had any INPUT into their lives at the physical conception and/or how they were named or raised! To constantly lament and put ones own spin on reality is such a waste of a life! Joan Wheeler doesn’t know how to live the life that she was given and when her time is up she will regret much.
 
And because she doesn’t know how to live a life she says that because her adoptive parents changed my name to three of their choosing (which I also see as their ownership of me) to a new first, middle and last name AND that they ignored the fact that I was named by two previous parents and was legally that name for the first year and three months of my life…this only shows Joan’s totally ignorance of what adoption means and WHY people’s names are changed.
 
How does she get ‘ownership’ out of the naming practices that are the privilege and right of parents, birth or adopted? Look at the anger and hate in the statement that her adopted parents ignored that she was named by previous parents and that she had a legally different name. Right, Joan does not accept adoption, she sees it has a crime and everyone that was involved in her adoption committed a crime against her!
 
Joan continues; To my adoptive parents, I suppose, this was not important. To me, my names are very important. But of course a person’s name is important to them, but to ‘suppose’ that it was NOT important to the adopted parents only shows Joan’s ignorance (how can she know what was or was not important to her adoptive parents?) Those parents had every legal and moral right and privilege to name her, upon the finalization of the adoption, as they wished. Joan was NOT of age to give her own consent and that pisses Joan off!
 
Then she was pissed off again…I was pissed at the divorce judge who told me I could go back to my “maiden” name, even though I told him at the divorce proceedings that I never changed my name. I didn’t bring up the fact that I had been adopted. Never mind that at a divorce proceedings they are NOT interested in the fact that she was adopted. Of course if given the opportunity Joan would have taken that judge’s time to see if he could have ‘legally’ changed her name back to her birth name!
 
Joan Wheeler never will again have the legal right to use her birth name…that is what adoption means…and Joan doesn’t accept that. I have psychologically become the names given to me via adoption. That’s right…the only names that Joan knew as she was growing up is her adoptive names, because, that is who she is. She is not and never can become that person with the names she was born with. And besides Doris Sippel died! see my post… Death Notice of Doris Sippel – updated August 29, 2011

 
I have to live with being labeled by mental health professionals as having an identity disorder. This is Joan’s drama at work. She doesn’t have any identity disorder! She knows exactly who and what she is! She has both her names and family history and the documents, but she chooses to make herself into a sick traumatized individual so that she can talk and talk nonsense.
 
I wish adoptive parents would stop changing adoptees names at adoption. This is too much for a normal person to live through. Here she is contradicting herself from the previous statement…first she says that has a identity disorder and now she says she is normal! Can’t have it both ways! The way she states this makes it sound like she had the TWO names at the same time!
 
What Joan doesn’t understand is that she is NOT her name!!
 
She has never gotten in touch with her soul. Birth and death are great mysteries. It is the soul’s business to KNOW why it picked a particular body and PARENTS to be born into. Trying to figure out ones birth and name is not the business of the intellect or a particular emotion…its the business of the soul. If Joan wants to know WHY she was born and to whom and WHY she was adopted and named twice, she ought to stop talking so much and get in touch with her soul.
 
comment by

Let’s take Joan’s argument “My adoptive parents changed my name to three of their choosing (which I also see as their ownership of me)” to the next step –

If a BIRTH parent, (not adoptive) place name-labels on their newly born child, is it not THEIR perception of OWNING that child? After all, they refer to that child as MY son, MY daughter, OUR son, OUR daughter.

So let’s see what Joan herself did. When she gave birth to HER children, she gave them names. She did not ask their permission as to what they wanted to be named. Joan also refers to them as MY son, MY daughter. Does she own them?

In a very real sense, yes, parents (birth or adoptive) do OWN their children. They have the legal and moral right to make decisions for them. Because whether you like it or not, the human species takes many years for one of its entities to mature. Cats and dogs mature much faster – by two years of age, they are adults. Their gestation time in the womb is only a matter of weeks, while humans gestate for 9 months. Elephants gestate for much longer.

A human child, whether raised by birth family or others, are still helpless at the age of two. Cannot reason yet. The human body reaches sexual maturity in the teens, but the human mind is still maturing. That is why we have out-of-control teen sex and teen pregnancies.

A human child at the age of 9 or 10 still cannot make it’s own decisions. They are incapable of making even the most basic life choices – i.e., eating nutritional foods, not taking unnecessary risks (like playing on railroad tracks or looking both ways before crossing the street). A human child cannot hold down a job, (we will not get into the debate of child labor/child slavery here). A human child cannot prepare meals (can you see a 10 year old capable of earning the money, planning, shopping and preparing a full get-out holiday turkey/ham holiday feast?)

A human child does not have the emotional or logical maturity to recognize the need of an education and the need to stay in school.

THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF PARENTS!

Whether they are birth, adoptive or foster – it is THE PARENT OR GUARDIAN that makes the decisions that affect the life and destiny of a human child until that child reaches maturity. Just as in nature. Birds feed and take care of their hatchlings until maturity and then push them out of the nest at the correct time (maturity) so that they now can make their own decisions and control their own lives and destinies. So it goes with all other animals, humans too.

Joan does not seem to GET THIS. That, number one, whether their last name was Sippel or Wheeler, a man and a woman MADE ALL THE DECISIONS FOR JOAN WHILE SHE WAS A CHILD. And as a mother herself, JOAN MADE ALL THE DECISIONS FOR HER OWN CHILDREN.

The other part of it – when the human child reaches maturity and is now responsible for their own lives and destinies – Joan, at the age of 55, STILL has not gotten. She has not learned that SHE ALONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER LIFE.

She needs to STOP WHINING about her life. She needs to STOP BLAMING other people (her adoptive parents, two women who came up with the idea of placing her with the Wheelers, a Catholic priest influencing her birth father, and then later on: therapists who don’t understand adoptees. her birth siblings that found her, her birth sisters for not understanding her, her birth sisters who will not boo-hoo every day in sympathy for her, her birth sisters for every little thing that goes wrong in her life, the legal system in America for injustices to her, her switched names, her switched birth certificate, her switched baptismal certificate, a divorce court judge who told her to go back to her maiden name, old boyfriends, blah, blah, blah, blah)

When will Joan GROW UP AND SEE THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE LIFE OF JOAN WHEELER – well, they have some things to do with her life – but ultimately, especially now that she is an adult (????) it is JOAN and ONLY JOAN who is responsible for her life.

“that which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”
— William Shakespeare, “Romeo and Juliet.”

additional comment by Gert:

RIGHT ON!!

 

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2 Comments
  1. Let’s take Joan’s argument “My adoptive parents changed my name to three of their choosing (which I also see as their ownership of me)” to the next step –

    If a BIRTH parent, (not adoptive) place name-labels on their newly born child, is it not THEIR perception of OWNING that child? After all, they refer to that child as MY son, MY daughter, OUR son, OUR daughter.

    So let’s see what Joan herself did. When she gave birth to HER children, she gave them names. She did not ask their permission as to what they wanted to be named. Joan also refers to them as MY son, MY daughter. Does she own them?

    In a very real sense, yes, parents (birth or adoptive) do OWN their children. They have the legal and moral right to make decisions for them. Because whether you like it or not, the human species takes many years for one of its entities to mature. Cats and dogs mature much faster – by two years of age, they are adults. Their gestation time in the womb is only a matter of weeks, while humans gestate for 9 months. Elephants gestate for much longer.

    A human child, whether raised by birth family or others, are still helpless at the age of two. Cannot reason yet. The human body reaches sexual maturity in the teens, but the human mind is still maturing. That is why we have out-of-control teen sex and teen pregnancies.

    A human child at the age of 9 or 10 still cannot make it’s own decisions. They are incapable of making even the most basic life choices – i.e., eating nutritional foods, not taking unnecessary risks (like playing on railroad tracks or looking both ways before crossing the street). A human child cannot hold down a job, (we will not get into the debate of child labor/child slavery here). A human child cannot prepare meals (can you see a 10 year old capable of earning the money, planning, shopping and preparing a full get-out holiday turkey/ham holiday feast?)

    A human child does not have the emotional or logical maturity to recognize the need of an education and the need to stay in school.

    THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF PARENTS!

    Whether they are birth, adoptive or foster – it is THE PARENT OR GUARDIAN that makes the decisions that affect the life and destiny of a human child until that child reaches maturity. Just as in nature. Birds feed and take care of their hatchlings until maturity and then push them out of the nest at the correct time (maturity) so that they now can make their own decisions and control their own lives and destinies. So it goes with all other animals, humans too.

    Joan does not seem to GET THIS. That, number one, whether their last name was Sippel or Wheeler, a man and a woman MADE ALL THE DECISIONS FOR JOAN WHILE SHE WAS A CHILD. And as a mother herself, JOAN MADE ALL THE DECISIONS FOR HER OWN CHILDREN.

    The other part of it – when the human child reaches maturity and is now responsible for their own lives and destinies – Joan, at the age of 55, STILL has not gotten. She has not learned that SHE ALONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER LIFE.

    She needs to STOP WHINING about her life. She needs to STOP BLAMING other people (her adoptive parents, two women who came up with the idea of placing her with the Wheelers, a Catholic priest influencing her birth father, and then later on: therapists who don’t understand adoptees. her birth siblings that found her, her birth sisters for not understanding her, her birth sisters who will not boo-hoo every day in sympathy for her, her birth sisters for every little thing that goes wrong in her life, the legal system in America for injustices to her, her switched names, her switched birth certificate, her switched baptismal certificate, a divorce court judge who told her to go back to her maiden name, old boyfriends, blah, blah, blah, blah)

    When will Joan GROW UP AND SEE THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE LIFE OF JOAN WHEELER – well, they have some things to do with her life – but ultimately, especially now that she is an adult (????) it is JOAN and ONLY JOAN who is responsible for her life.

    “that which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”
    — William Shakespeare, “Romeo and Juliet.”

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