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Joan Wheeler is lying again about Dad’s care and when he died!

by on January 4, 2012
 It hasn’t been a year, since Dad died, when Joan Wheeler lies and tells yet another version on the public forum.
 
Sometimes stupid questions, about hypothetical situations, seems to be on the minds of certain adoptees from Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change. Here is Joan Wheeler’s answer. I do have to agree with her on one point…that there are certain choices that are, in themselves, so stupid as to be meaningless. Not that Joan understands the question in those terms, only, that to make a choice between adopted and birth parent is sometimes impossible to make. That being said, there is much more to what Joan says, in this answer below, that REALLY does need to be addressed…by those of us who know Joan is lying and fabricating…again…or is it still? And yes, Joan DID make a choice between adopted and birth parent! Read on…

 
 Title: Re: Who would save your Amom or Bmom?
Post by: 1adoptee on November 22, 2011, 10:22:35 AM

 
 This forced choice question upsets me. I cannot choose as both are equal to me. And, since both of them are now deceased, it hurts to even think to make a choice.However, I did make a choice a few years ago when I was care-giving for both my natural father and my adoptive mother for several years at the same time. There were months on end that I’d spend the morning with my natural father at the hospital, and then the afternoon with my adoptive mother at her hospital, and back and forth to their respective homes. At one point, wheeling my adoptive mother around the hospital, a nurse asked me if I was okay. I started to cry and told her that I’m care-giving for both Mom and Dad. She said, “both at the same time?” I said, yes, and I’m exhausted. I told her that my father had other adult children to help him, but Mom only had me. I didn’t elaborate on the adoption, but did say that I am stressed. The nurse said I needed a break.

It as soon after that that my natural father and I got into a tift about cars. My car needed repairs to over $2,000 and my adoptive mother took out a loan to pay for it (I’m too broke and unemployed). So, we asked for Dad to  pay half, he refused. Mom yelled at me that I drive him all over the city to help him out, yet, he couldn’t help us out when we needed it. Dad also never owned a car so got rides from everyone. He also said that “all of my other kids work,, so you help me out a great deal and I appreciate that, but you don’t work.” I was insulted, at the same time feeling glad that I could help him out and upset that my own illnesses kept me from working. So, That kinda ended our relationship. About a year and a half went by; I had a hunch he was going to die. I went to see him and he was in the hospital, dying. I said my peace to him, told him I loved him, and we hugged. He died a few days later. A few months later, my adoptive mother died.

Now, all four of my parents are dead. it hurts to think of forced choices, especially since I had to choose to save my sanity.

 ———————
Gert here: Some of what Joan has said here is taken directly from that lying hate-filled book but also with several variations, mostly leaving out a lot of her rage that was in the book. It’s all about audience with Joan, here, she is talking on the public forum to people who have NOT read her now, unpublished book.
 
Joan says; when I was care-giving for both my natural father and my adoptive mother for several years at the same time.
 
Gert: This statement is very very misleading! Joan was NOT a care-giver to our father. What Joan did, by her own volunteering, was to take my father to some doctor appointments, when his CARE-GIVER was working, and to sometimes take his wife grocery shopping. And, I will point out that when Joan would take this elder wife shopping Joan would slip items in the cart and ‘forget’ to tell the woman she put them in the cart, thereby, having someone else pay for Joan’s items. This is another sneaking aspect of Joan behavior…sly and sneaky she is. (Ruth’s note: didn’t I tell you people Joan is a THIEF?)
 
Joan says; I’d spend the morning with my natural father at the hospital, and then the afternoon with my adoptive mother at her hospital, and back and forth to their respective homes.
 
Gert: Again, this statement is not only misleading but WRONG. It was not an every day occurrence for Joan to take birth father to hospital or doctor…for he had A CARE-GIVER that took him most of the time. This is an example of how Joan likes to exaggerate…make it appear more than what it actually was.
 
Joan says; I’m care-giving for both Mom and Dad. She said, “both at the same time?” I said, yes, and I’m exhausted.
 
Gert: yes, in the book Joan gives us this tale of her talking with a nurse…all this is is an opportunity for Joan to exaggerate, either to the nurse or in the book or here on the forum…its’ all a lie. Joan is looking for sympathy.
 
Joan says; I told her that my father had other adult children to help him, but Mom only had me.
 
Gert: yes, the adopted mother only had Joan, but birth father also only ONE CARE-GIVER, who ALSO worked. The other adult children either lived in other cities and another country, had jobs of their own, had many other life-circumstances that prevented them from being physically there to help. Again, this statement does not tell the whole truth of the situation, only what Joan can use to gain sympathy and to put others in negative light.
 
Joan says; my natural father and I got into a tift about cars.
 
Gert: No, they did not get into a ‘tift’. What it was was that Joan told the birth father that she felt that she was being used as a cab and she demanded that the birth father give her money towards gas money. This was AFTER Joan volunteered to give him rides. She did NOT ask him for money for the rides. If he was NOT asked for money, he assumed she was doing it from the goodness of her heart, but she wasn’t, she never does anything from the goodness of her heart because she doesn’t have a heart. After Joan demanded money the birth father gave her $20 for ‘cab-fare’ and said he wouldn’t need her services anymore.
 
Joan says; My car needed repairs to over $2,000 and my adoptive mother took out a loan to pay for it (I’m too broke and unemployed
 
Gert here: Joan is broke and unemployed, as always, and her adoptive mother always takes out loans for Joan.
 
Joan says; we asked for Dad to  pay half, he refused. Mom yelled at me that I drive him all over the city to help him out, yet, he couldn’t help us out when we needed it.
 
Gert: Of course he refused! Why should he, or anyone else, pay anything to repair someone else’s car! I have NEVER paid for anyone, including my children’s, car repairs. If a person has a car then it is that person’s total responsibility to take care of it. Joan’s adopted mother did not ask. Joan did NOT ask, she DEMANDED. In the book, Joan details this with much more hostility than what she says here. Joan and her adopted mother BELIEVED that the birth father OWNED them money to help them out, because THEY, the adopted parents, BABYSAT Joan for 18 years!
 
Joan says: Dad also never owned a car so got rides from everyone. He also said that “all of my other kids work,, so you help me out a great deal and I appreciate that, but you don’t work.”
 
Gert: True, Dad, like a lot of people never owned a car…it is not unusual. True again, all his other children worked, Joan is the ONLY one that never worked. Joan VOLUNTEERED to take him to his appointments. If Joan wanted gas money she should have make that clear, but, she never tells anyone her conditions, and then she wonders why people don’t understand her. Yes, birth father appreciated her help and if someone is NOT WORKING that does mean they DO NOT have JOB RESPONSIBILITIES to go to.
 
Joan says: I was insulted, at the same time feeling glad that I could help him out and upset that my own illnesses kept me from working. So, That kinda ended our relationship.
 
Gert: Yep, Joan gets insulted a lot…because she expects others to behave or do something that only is in her head. No, that is NOT why the relationship ended. It ended because Joan demanded and argued with Dad about having him pay for her car repair. He told her, as he would have and did tell his other children…that…your car and it’s upkeep and repairs is NOT HIS problem. He is not a bank for everyone to get money from. That is what Joan never understood. He was not her bank and when Joan argued with him, he told her to get out. He told her that it would be best if they didn’t see each other and she was told not to come by without phoning.
 
Joan says: I had a hunch he was going to die. I went to see him and he was in the hospital, dying. I said my peace to him, told him I loved him, and we hugged. He died a few days later. A few months later, my adoptive mother died.
 
Gert: No she didn’t have a hunch…she was distraught because her adopted mother had a turn for the worst and she wanted, she needed, to make contact with Dad again because she was afraid. She DID NOT go directly to the hospital, she went, with a stranger a man she only knew a few months, to Dad’s home. It was then that she found out that he went to the hospital…and…he was NOT dying, he was having a procedure done. Joan demanded the information of ‘where is my father’ from his elderly sick wife, in their home, where Joan went unannouced with a stranger and she then went directly to the hospital to ‘make peace’. When the family found out we banned her from going again to the house and hospital. It was only after that he died and she was informed. She is a fabricator of stories and doesn’t know how to tell the truth.
 
 Joan says; Now, all four of my parents are dead. it hurts to think of forced choices, especially since I had to choose to save my sanity.
 
 Gert says: She had to choose to save her sanity??!! What bullshit!! She didn’t make any choices, unless of course you agree that she chose to argue and demand and got kick out and banned from being around him as a choice. But, no, she didn’t save her sanity, she doesn’t have any to begin with and she has done nothing here but tell more lies and exaggerations.
 
see these posts and others during the month of January 2011 on Ruth’s blog for further evidence of the truth of the situations
 
 
 
 

Ruth’s note: Joan says: “There were months on end that I’d spend the morning with my natural father at the hospital,” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Joan just loves to exagerate! For the record: My father had open heart surgery the second week of December 2003. They had trouble extubating him (removing the tube inserted down his trachea for breathing on a respirator) – when they did remove it, he developed swallowing problems (this is not unusual, my husband had open heart surgery on Sept. 24, 2003. He was extubated successfully, but had a sore throat and a nagging cough for months afterward). The last week of December 2010, my father was discharged to a nursing home for rehab in the town of Wheatfield, NY – the distance from my home was almost 30 miles. I don’t remember exactly when he went home, but he WAS home for his 80th birthday on April 9, 2004. So “months on end in the hospital? NOPE! – he was in the hospital for about 3 WEEKS, and in rehab for a little over 3 months. And she was his care-giver? BULLSHIT! I would go see him about twice a week. And there were times I was the one getting him going. The nursing staff would get him up and washed and he’d go for therapy for his swallowing problems. I would ambulate him when I got there. Joan makes him out like he was on death’s door – no, he was f’ing recovering from majorsurgery, as was my husband. And by the way – as for her bullshit about me not taking him to the doctors – this was the summer that the gas price shot up to over $4.00 a gallon. And she conveniently forgets to put in her book (and here) that I work nights in a hospital and am sleeping during the day. So I was not able to take my father to the doctors. AND I was already taking care of my husband, who was also recovering from open heart surgery AND I was putting in extra shifts at my job to compensate for my husband’s lost income! AND Joan forgets to tell people how in December 2004, because of the financial setbacks caused by my husband’s surgery, we fell behind in our property taxes and the city of Buffalo sent out a foreclosure notice to me. In desperation I sent a letter to Joan (who still owes me several hundred dollars from the money she STOLE from me in 1990) and I BEGGED her for even $10.00 – and she threw me to the curb. BUT she is upset because she DEMANDED money from an elderly sick man for HER car repairs? What’s wrong with this picture? In one breath she’s claiming to be Saint Joan – Heroine! Savior! Caregiver! Martyr! Yet in the next  breath she is admitting that she’s pissed because HE save money thru the years by not having a car, and she’s JEALOUS of that AND she admits that she wanted money from an elderly man recovering from major surgery!
 
additional note from Gert:
 
Right now, Ruth…as always, we the siblings KNOW the truth behind all the stories that Joan loves to lie about!
 
Ruth’s additional note: I was trying to write this but just as I finished that last sentance, my car mechanic called – my van was done – today’s bill cost me $473.06. – um Joan – you moocher – have you forgotten that I paid for your registration at the Star Trek Convention in New York City 1975 AND paid for your first years membership in the Leonard Nimoy Fan club? AND I paid for YOUR hotel room for the convention. AND you still owe me about $500.00 for the money YOU stole from me in 1990. I WANT SOME MONEY TODAY TOWARDS WHAT I PAID TODAY FOR MY VAN. – How Joan stole money from me – in 1989-90, me and Joan and our spouses wanted to buy an apartment building together – something with about 4 to 5 units. I took out cash advances from credit cards (over $4000.00). Half went into a CD account, half in a joint checking account, for Joan to use for lawyer’s, closing costs, real estate brokers. By the end of the summer 1989, we didn’t find any decent property. So we dissolved the partnership. I got back all the money from the CD account – but Joan had been dipping into the checking account for HER LIVING EXPENSES (at the same time her mother gave her a couple thousand dollars and she bought her first computer). Her car needed brakes, so she STOLE money from what I put in the checking account to fix her car AND she withdrew money to buy hamburgers at the mall. When I didn’t get back all the money, (minus my half of the real-estate costs), I was put into debt – remember, I took cash advances from credit cards, didn’t even charge Joan the interest and to this day she has NOT paid me back. It was in December 1989 – January 1990 that I demanded her repayment of the money and she reneged on her promise that I swore at her on the phone and hung up on her. THAT IS WHAT SHE IS REFERRING TO WHEN SHE SAYS IN HER BOOK AND ON THE INTERNET THAT I CALLED HER HOUSE AND SWORE AT HER. She promised me that I would receive her share of the lawyer’s returned fee then she called me up, left a message on my machine that she was goint to keep it to buy a Christmas tree and presents for her kids. I called her up and told her that SHE gave birth to those kids, it was HER responsiblity to provide xmas for them, not mine. I told her that I work at the hospital to pay MY bills not provide xmas for HER kids. This is the basis of where she comes up with that I hate her kids. No, I don’t her hate her kids, I am just NOT THEIR PARENT. JOAN IS THEIR PARENT AND IT WAS HER RESPONSIBILITY TO PROVIDE FOR THEM.
 
So, now Joan, I want my money – I need my money. LIAR! THIEF! LAZY DEADBEAT!
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