Do adoptees ever feel whole? A burning question and some insights into the empty vastness of Joan Wheeler’s mind.
UPDATE February 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!
« on: December 06, 2011, 10:04:13 AM »
I don’t think that I will ever feel whole again. It isn’t just adoption either. I believe that my marriage was very detrimental to my whole being. Add that to my adoption. I feel that I am one screwed up individual. It is a daily battle for me not to get down on me. To not beat myself up. How does one get past all of that? I am not a gift or a blessing for anyone. I have had too many courts tell me what a worthless piece of crap that I am. From the original court of my adoption, telling me that I was property to be traded and sold to the divorce court telling me that I am worthless as a parent because a judge feels that women should not be single parents and that they are property to be abused at a man’s discretion.
And 1adoptee answers the above saying:
(((Amy))) You are not alone. It’s a daily battle for me, too, not to get down on myself. I don’t know how to get past all of that, either. I don’t think I will ever feel whole. Damaged. Frightened. Inside myself. A friend of mine told me to find peace from within, yet, when I try to still my mind, anxiety builds. Feeling whole, no, not likely.
Gert here: Why don’t these people do something constructive with their experiences and time instead of having a pity party? How about volunteering for abused woman centers or joining agencies that help woman overcome abuse? No they just want to tell each other how bad things are with them.
But just looking at Joan we find…
That it is a daily battle for her NOT to get down on herself. Where’s the positive affirmations of and about life? If this has been going on ALL of Joan’s life, which it has, why doesn’t she TRY a different approach? If what you are doing is NOT working then why not GET RID OF IT? Joan CAN’T do that because all she knows and wants to know is her pain. She is a afraid to CHANGE HER LIFE.
we also find…
That Joan doesn’t know how to get past all of that, either. Like I’ve said, she needs HELP and obviously the help she has been getting is not helping her, OR, she doesn’t want to be helped, which is probably more the case, for if Joan doesn’t have anything to feel sorry about in her life, she DOESN’T have a life.
She is a afraid to CHANGE HER LIFE.
we also find…
That Joan doesn’t think she will ever feel whole, that she is damaged and frightened, inside herself. Why doesn’t she just give it all up and be done with it already!! She is a afraid to CHANGE HER LIFE.
But wait!!! is there a voice of reason?? Someone, with unusual insights for the forum saying basically what we have been telling Joan to do for decades…
quote: I can blame people and circumstances for causing this and I do not change – it is only when I uncover and confront these beliefs that I get better. I am 70 years old and does it really matter who did something or didn’t do something 70 years ago. I don’t think so – I think what matters is what I did and am doing with those beliefs I formed. What beliefs am I talking about: I am a mistake, I don’t deserve to be loved, I cannot depend on anyone else, I don’t belong, I am not lovable, and on and on. Not one of these beliefs were conscious – I would have scoffed at anyone who might have provided me insight. But they were none the less real and drove my life and still do to some extent. I have to counter them by consciously denying their validity and asserting a positive change. Uncovering these beliefs and confronting them has not been easy. It is slow, hard and painful work with many tears. Not confronting them would be tragic.
but ALL 1adoptee can say is:
This is very good advise we can all learn from. Thanks.
No, Joan doesn’t hear the voice of reason…she only did a bit of ‘brown-nosing’ showing this newcomer, to the forum, that he’s being ‘heard’. It will be interesting to see if this older, more wiser, newbie on the forum, either lasts or has any influence.
If you have noticed, Joan NEVER really answered the question about adoptees ever being whole. She never answers directly any question, for all she wants is an opportunity to speak about her pain and anguish. But, here someone on the forum actually said something worthwhile and all Joan can say is that it is good advise! Will she use that advise and do something more positive in her life? Doubt it!
Remember that this exchanged happened December of 2011, let’s keep an eye on Joan. Will she or will she not use the advise that she states ‘we can all learn from’? that advise being…
I have to counter them by consciously denying their validity and asserting a positive change.
Joan said that someone:
told me to find peace from within, yet, when I try to still my mind, anxiety builds.
One of the skills and advantages of ‘quieting ones mind’, is so that a person may learn how to relax by stilling the mind. But, if one is frighten of ones own mind…the stilling can not occur! Joan can not stand the silence of her mind! Granted many people can’t stand the silence of the mind….that’s why there is ALWAYS some kind of back ground sound in this culture. But quieting and stilling the mind is the first thing someone in Joan’s position needs to do to get healthy, that and trying to be grateful.
But, she is a afraid to CHANGE HER LIFE.
there are five things that you cannot recover in life:
1) the stone after it’s thrown
2) the word, after it’s said
3) the occasion, after it’s missed
4) the time, after it’s gone
5) a person, after they die
Time to change your life, Joan