Joan Wheeler continues to lie and lie on another adoption site, but she got caught! part one
see end of this post for an update…
On the following pro-adoption website I found more lies by Joan Wheeler. Joan went there with malice intent to bully and condemn them. The owner/manager of this site is Erica. I have included a couple of her comments here as well. It NEEDS to be pointed out that Joan Wheeler and others like Daniel Ibn Zabd, from the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change and their forum go to pro-adoption sites and browbeat and bully. Be aware of these people and their tactics who are so full of anger and hate that they can’t accept anyone wanting to love a child.
This site is NO LONGER available.
This is a very long piece, so it will be in two parts. I don’t feel any real need to give a lot of comment on Joan’s words. But, I do feel the need to point out lies or fabrications or nonsense. My purpose here is also to show how Joan is just a raving manic. To read Joan’s words and see my immediate reaction, via a few words, really does show the insanity of what Joan speaks. So…I shall, in bold, point out such within Joan’s comments. Any statements, within Joan’s comments, in bold are Gert speaking;
“Adoptions are so expensive, how do you pay for them?
We have a money tree that we planted in our backyard. It is awesome. Oh, how I wish! Most families that choose adoption raise the upfront ransom adoption fees.”
As an adoptee, this statement is so offensive. Gert speaking; And her statements never are? You think you are being cute, that this is your attempt at humor. Gert speaking; Joan is herself being offensive here. Are you aware that many adoptees feel as though they were kidnapped from their mothers at birth? Gert speaking; Warped thinking In fact, many mothers have been stripped of their babies at the moment of birth. This is a moral outrage and a human tragedy for the mother and her newborn. Both suffer from physical and emotional loss of each other for life. Even when the mother “decides” to relinquish her baby a few days or weeks after birth, there is still life-long pain and anguish for both mother and baby. Gert speaking; exaggerations
Shame on you for taking advantage of a young mother in this way. Gert speaking; Bullying someone on their own site. Shame on you for also joking about ransom money. Gert speaking; Condescending attitude towards the owner of the site. There is no ransom for you have no intention of returning the child to her or his mother. You want the baby for yourself. Why not raise the money and give all of it to the mother so she can raise her own child? Gert speaking; unrealistic thinking and individual outrage
“But, just because our hearts were broken, it doesn’t mean there is any less need for families to step up and care for orphaned children.”
Be careful here. Gert speaking; Bullying, intimidation Are you aware that many orphans are not orphans at all, that the child may have one parent still alive? Gert speaking; generalizations I know what I’m talking about. Gert speaking; No she doesn’t.
My mother died when I was three months old. She left behind her husband of ten years and four older children. Our father did not receive any help to keep his family together in 1956. Gert speaking; LIE At his wife’s funeral, a Catholic priest said to him, “The baby needs two parents”. And a woman approached him and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.” Her brother and his wife became my adoptive parents. Gert speaking; LIE
My adoptive parents took me and raised me as an only child. Gert speaking; Adopted not took. They knew I had four full blood siblings living six miles away and they never wanted me to know them. Gert speaking; That is the essence of adoption. I lived my childhood in a bubble. Gert speaking; nonsense When I turned 18, my siblings found me and told me the truth about my adoption, something my adoptive parents did not do. I never blamed my father for relinquishing me to adoption because he was in a terrible situation. Gert speaking; LIE, she resents the fact. If he had help to keep his family together, I would have been raised with the family I was born into. Gert speaking; Only her belief not fact of circumstances. My mother died, never giving her consent to the adoption. Gert speaking; Utter nonsense! While she was alive, the plan was for me to stay with the family, but she was dying. My godparents took care of me during those first few months of my life. Yes, I do feel kidnapped. Gert speaking; Nonsense…drama!
And my birth certificate was taken from me, sealed, and an amended (falsified) birth certificate was issued to replace it. Gert speaking; That’s the nature of adoption I am deeply saddened that I not only lost my family due to adoption, but my name at birth was stolen from me. Gert speaking; That’s the nature of adoption. After being found by birth family she destroyed each relationship with her hatred over adoption I am 55 years old and not legally allowed to obtain my birth certificate. Gert speaking; She has her certificates…what’s her beef? Instead, I have a document that says a mother gave birth to me in the hospital, but there are no hospital records to record this birth because it didn’t happen. I resent this imposed identity theft. Gert speaking; LIE, its just adoption. What would make it a little easier? How about an adoption certificate to document the adoption, not a fake birth?
Adoptive-parent-wanna-bees and adoptive parents have a lot to learn from us adoptees who have been speaking out. Start reading about adoption reform. Gert speaking; browbeating, intimidation and bullying
I apologize for being offensive with my comment about the adoption “ransom” on my blog. You are right, I was trying to be “cute” and use the present lingo among some adoptive families. Often times, families are very much trying to provide a loving, stable home for a child; a child they long for and desire to cherish. A child that can only become part of their family by paying domestic adoption service fees upwards of $60,000 (I am not embellishing at all and have actually seen these types of fees). I have never looked at the “ransom” remark from an adoptee’s position before and I appreciate your insight. I have since removed it from the post and will choose not to use that term in the future!
As far as the “orphaned” children remark; I should have been more clear. When birth-parents terminate their parental rights, children do become “orphaned” even if their birth-parents are still living. They do not have a legal mother or a father and become wards of the state/country. My point was that people should be caring for children who do not have a mother or father; be it from death or termination of parental rights; and avoid the excuse that we were crushed when our adoption failed. It saddens me to hear your story, and I would agree that there are many birth-parents that have the experience you describe. I think it is a tragedy. However, I also believe there are many birth-parents who are not coerced or manipulated into choosing an adoption plan. I personally know many women who have chosen adoption for the sole reason of giving their child what they were unprepared for!
Erica: Thank you for your apology and for removing the word “ransom” from your post. Gert speaking; how gracious of Joan as she proceeds to belittle and browbeat…she now has the woman’s attention!
It is shocking to hear of the $60,000-plus in adoption fees. This is very much like buying a child. If that money was raised and given to the mother (and father) to raise their own child, that would be better than to manipulate any one into giving up their child. This is truly class war-fare and the younger, poorer classes don’t win. Gert speaking; Flawed logic and self-righteous indignation.
Yes, social orphans are created when parental rights are terminated. I have always understood that as I have been at this (adoption reunion and adoption reform) since 1974. Gert speaking; Only in her dreams, she’s never done anything positive, only bullying and confrontations. I understand your desire to have a child, to take someone else’s child is wrong. Gert speaking; That’s a personal opinion. Adoption is not taking it is a form of giving. Even when parental rights have been terminated in cases of abuse or neglect, the child has a right to her or his birth certificate and family. Guardianship should be established while family relationships are preserved. Gert speaking; This is not a cure all, there is no one size fits all in families. Adoption is a selfish act. Gert speaking; Personal opinion, not fact.
Natural parents who “choose” to relinquish “for the sole reason of giving their child what they were unprepared for!” do so because they were not given supportive alternatives. Gert speaking; And she is an expert here!
My adoptive parents knew what they were doing. Gert speaking; Sure, they wanted to adopt, which is not a crime. A few years ago, my adoptive mother told me something she had kept to herself. Again, another lie is revealed: Gert speaking; Sure is because this tale is a complete lie, never happened. The Christmas after I was born, and two weeks before my adoption was to be finalized, my adoptive parents bought a Christmas tree and presents for my four older siblings, ages 3, 6, 8 and 9. The kids were in bed when they delivered and set up the tree and gave my father the presents. They must have had a babysitter for me so they could do this act of charity. My adoptive mother told me that she and my adoptive father wanted to do something nice for my natural father and his children so they would have a nice Christmas. Imagine how my natural father felt receiving these gifts in exchange for his 5th child? His other children never knew where the tree came from or the presents. Gert speaking; This is a tale that was told to Joan by the adopted mother who was herself flawed. It is a disgrace for Joan to keep telling this fabrication/lie.
You do not mention anything about the “new” birth certificate created for the adoptee. Do you not see that this document forces the adoptee to live a lie? Gert speaking; Personal opinion. How can you justify lying on an official government that says you gave birth when you didn’t? Gert speaking; Personal opinion and browbeating. Just because the government does it and has done it for decades doesn’t make it right. Gert speaking; So are alot of things, but that doesn’t give Joan the right to bully a adoptive parent. This is part of what adoptees and our natural parents are fighting to change.
Daniel is right: “adopters are thus the greatest of hypocrites.” Gert speaking; And adoptees are not?
Joan, I am very pressed for time right now, but I am working on a post for this week that will discuss an adopted child’s birth certificate… to be honest, it isn’t something I’ve given much thought to. And, quite frankly, there are many things the government does that I do not agree with! Our son will know as soon as he is able to understand that he has been adopted and who his bio family is. His adoption is never something we’ve even considered keeping from him.
Erica: I hope you and other adoptive parents can learn from what I am telling you about birth certificates. Gert speaking; Browbeating and intimidation and bullying.
Adoptees do not like this sealing and falsified birth certificates at all. Gert speaking; Everyone has something they don’t like…doesn’t give you the right to browbeat people over what you don’t like. This is identity theft at its worst. Gert speaking; personal opinion There are countries in which the adoptee is allowed to keep her/his birth identity and birth certificate and an adoption certificate is issued, but, as Daniel points out, it is our Western thought that dictates how we, as Americans, view the adoption of a child. It is only in the last few decades that American adoptees have spoken out against adoption practices and laws which have destroyed our natural families and our identities. Gert speaking; and they, the adoptees, do it by bullying, browbeating and intimidation
If you haven’t given this much thought, other adoptive parents don’t as well. Perhaps if we had more adoptive parents stand up for what is morally correct, then adoptees will have the truth of their births and the truth of their adoptions. Gert speaking; This confrontation does not educate, it alienates! Who’s morally is Joan talking about…hers? You can not impose your own morality on others. Change the laws, through regular legal means, not by bullying adopted parents and other pro-adoption people.
The only reason I have my original birth certificate is because my natural father gave it to my adopting parents when he relinquished me. Otherwise, I am legally forbidden access to it in New York State. Gert speaking; Go and lobby the law-makers, not people who want to love and care for a child.
If a child becomes an adult at age 18 and parental permission is not needed for any other decision a young adult will make, it is illogical to keep adoptees locked into a legal prison. Gert speaking; personal opinion In some states, the adoptee must have written permission from both natural parents and both adoptive parents before the court will issue a non-certified original birth certificate to the adult adoptee. Some states stamp the words “for genealogical purposes only” or “not valid” across the original birth certificate. This is insulting to adoptees Gert speaking; then lobby the law-makers — to have the truth of our births NOT certified by our state governments or declared NOT VALID. An attorney explained to me once that “the operable” birth certificate is the amended one. Yes, I get that. My legal birth certificate, the one with my adoptive name and my adoptive parents’ names on it, does not reflect the actual facts of my birth, yet the document is “proof” of my birth to these parents. This document is my formal identity. This does not make sense to any reasonable person. Gert speaking; Makes sense to any person who UNDERSTANDS the nature of what adoption is! Joan does not WANT to understand.
When I show my two birth certificates to people, they are shocked that this goes on in this country. “They don’t STILL do this, do they?” My response is: yes, they do. Gert speaking; Dramatic effect aimed at intimidating this adoptive parent.
When the order is issued from Family Court or Surrogate’s Court to proceed with an adoption and change the child’s name, the Registrar of Vital Statistics then takes the information from court documents and creates a new birth certificate for the adoptee. He then signs the document and embosses it with the raised State seal. Thus, he places his official seal and signature on this new birth certificate, certifying that the information is true. In reality, the information on each and every adoptee’s amended birth certificate in the United States of America is an absolute fabrication, mixing birth facts with adoption facts. Some adoptees’ actual birth dates are changed. Some adoptees who have been taken across state lines have two or three birth certificates, one from each state they pass through, with changed information each time.
I can’t even address what happens in adoptions from foreign countries. Yes I can, but it would take too long. Partly: Adoptive parents are required to have a new birth certificate issued in their names and the new adoptive name BEFORE the child leaves the home country and BEFORE the adoption is finalized. The US Dept of State and The Hague websites describe the process. Yet, the United Nations says that every child has a right to a name, a nationality, family and parents or origin. The United Nations wants every birth to be registered and certified. Gert speaking; Good information, but that is not enough for Joan, she now has to tell her life story, which is WRONG.
Additional information about my adoption: Gert speaking; Here is where Joan really goes off the deep end, none of this is needed to be told. I was baptized at the bedside of my dying natural mother when I was three months old. Gert speaking; LIE, didn’t happen there. The baptism was officially recognized by the Catholic Church. Gert speaking; After it was done in a church service, I Gert, remember seeing Joan/Doris at that event, not at the bedside. My natural father gave this certificate to my adopting parents, too. Three years later, my adoptive parents wanted a new baptismal certificate issued in my adoptive name, with their names as my parents, so they could enroll me in Catholic School and I could receive the sacraments. So, a priest from the parrish in which I was baptized, filled out the new document. He signed it and embossed it with the raised seal of that particular Catholic Church. He lied. Gert speaking; Drama! Joan Wheeler was not baptized in 1959, she was never baptized. The truth is that Doris Sippel was baptized in 1956. If I were to follow the rules, doctrines, of the Catholic Church, or the word of God, I would have to use the name that God recognized at the moment of my true baptism in order to: become a nun, get married, and perhaps other sacraments. Gert speaking; Drama Today, I could care less about the religious doctrines because the Catholic Church lied to me all through my childhood. Gert speaking; What else is new? I left the Church for personal reasons when I was 14. When I was 18, my adoptive mother threw all of my identity documents at me when I told her I was found by siblings she never wanted me to know. Gert speaking; The nature of being adopted means NOT telling about the birth family, something Joan refuses to accept. I was sure I would never again believe in a faith that lied so much. While I was growing up, I was taught that lying was a sin. As an adult, I see that lying by state officials and religious officials is the norm. Gert speaking; Take it up with the law makers. Most of this is for dramatic purposes to continue with the browbeating and bullying.
In my new Church, which I have been a member for 28 years, my minister and I talked at great length about this. Gert speaking; She probably did for any time she can she will talk for hours! If a child were to be dedicated in our church, the church document would never be altered. If that child were to be adopted out and have a new name, our minister would not issue a new document to suit the wishes of the adopting parents. A religious ceremony would stay intact, which is as it should be: separation of church and state.
Gert speaking; Somehow I doubt this…no church in this country can do what they wish when it comes to vital statics of the country’s citizens! Joan does not understand the separation of church and state here. This is misguided logic used with the intent to intimidate the woman/readers into believing everything Joan says is correct. Key word here is ‘dedicate’ a dedication into that church/faith is NOT the same as a baptismal certificate used for identification by the Catholic Church. Another key word/phrase is ‘wishes of the adopting parents’. The wishes are BECAUSE the parents want a certificate in a particular church/faith. Joan was born and baptised and adopted all under Catholic Church eyes and therefore the amended certificates had to be altered, within the same faith.
So I have been willingly lied to by my State, my original Church and religion, and by my adoptive parents. This social construct called adoption is very damaging to the person who is adopted. Gert speaking; Personal opinion, take it up with the law-makers.
Wow Joan, thank you for all that information. I do post on this topic more tomorrow and hope you will be involved in the conversation. I appreciate your insight and am saddened knowing your story is not an anomaly. I can totally understand and respect how you would feel lied to by everyone and everything that you should have been able to place your trust in. These are stories, us adoptive families need to hear, recognize and understand. My question, because I do not know, not to antagonize, (and it doesn’t sound like this is your experience, so maybe it is unfair to ask you) what is the opinion of adoptees (you know more than I) about trying to protect the identity of a birth mom that does not want to be known to the adoptee with a sealed original birth certificate?
Again, asking because I don’t know: Would you have felt differently about your changed birth certificate(s) if your adoptive parents and original church body had not lied to you and kept your adoption/birth-family a secret. Had they shared with you the names of your birth family and allowed you to engage in a relationship with them if you (and they) wanted, would that have changed your perspective?
For our son’s birth-certificate, all of his information is completely accurate as far as birth date, time, weight, etc. His name was changed from “Baby Boy (and his birth-mothers last name)” to the name we chose for him and then, we are listed as his parents. I fully expect he will have questions growing up, and we intend to be as honest as possible to ease as much confusion as possible
Erica, my boyfriend’s father passed away, so I might not be able to be a part of discussion here for a few days. Gert speaking; But she has lots of time now to hold us all captive with her story of lies.
I would like to answer something I left off of another comment: Gert speaking; of course she must have her complete thought put out there, Your question: What about children left abandoned at hospitals, police stations, fire stations? Ahh, Baby Dumps! Gert speaking; drama again! has Joan ever considered those people that were forced into sterilization by the government and their ‘need’ to have a child and the only way they can have a baby is to adopt? They should be illegal because all they do is provide a source for babies to be adopted. Gert speaking; Making it illegal does not stop it from happening. Stupid logic! And what happens to these children if the practice of adopting them is illegal? Are they put out in the trash, like the dumps she calls them?
Frightened pregnant teens or young women may not know how to get help, so they turn to these places as a last resort. There is no education, no real help for the mother who is just left with emptiness and grief for the rest of her life. And these Baby Dumps are advertised as a legal way out: just drop off your newborn and no questions asked. This is the moral thing to do? I don’t think so! Gert speaking; Just hear and feel Joan’s moral outrage! Get real! So, you finally found an instance where I MIGHT consider adoption in the best interest of the child. Really though, the best interest of the child and the mother is to get education before the birth to set up support systems so the mother and the father can parent their child. Gert speaking; Totally unrealistic! Joan sounds as if she has the cure-all of all of society’s ills! Please get real! You can’t force a person into a class room any more than you can force anyone to give any support. Joan really needs to find her utopia somewhere else, cause it isn’t here and never will be. Human beings will always do things according to the basics: eat, shit, sleep, have sex and NEVER think of consequences. That is reality!
You might be getting the idea that I am anti adoption. Gert speaking; Could have fooled me! I am. Why? Because no person should have to live through the hell I’ve lived through. Gert speaking; It is a self-inflicted hell and she can get out of it any time she wants but she doesn’t want to. Joan’s adopted parents were the problem with Joan. While that’s too bad, it really hasn’t anything to do with the institution of adoption and it certainly has nothing to do with the birth family and Joan’s lies about us.
In just grieving the deaths of all of my parents….Here is the chronological breakdown: natural mother died at age 30 in 1956. Adopted father died at age 67 in 1982. Natural father died at age 86 in Jan 2011. Adoptive mother died at age 95 in March 2011. That’s a lot of parental loss. Gert speaking; Does she want a medal? Drama, intimidation, browbeating. I and my siblings also grieve over the loss of our mother, in 1956 and our father in 2011 and we resist it greatly that Joan exploits our parents!
My natural father and I developed a relationship and were close for awhile, but nobody liked it when I wrote in the newspaper about adoptees rights. Gert speaking; LIE, we didn’t want her to write about our lifes. I didn’t name names. Gert speaking; LIE, she did and that is where the conflicts started. But I think he felt guilty, Gert speaking; Fabrication, that is her ‘feeling/thiking’ not the truth, he did not feel guilt, he did what had to be done at the time, period. even though I told him I didn’t hate him for relinquishing me. There were years between contact sometimes, Gert speaking; because she caused much trouble and conflicts and was told to leave him and the family alone and then we’d get back together for years. There was a big misunderstanding when I was care-giving for both my natural father and my adoptive mother at the same time for a few years. Gert speaking; LIE, she did not care of natural father, only took him to a couple of appointments. It became obvious that I needed to end the relationship with my father because of a disagreement. Gert speaking; LIE, she tried to get him to pay for her car repairs and when he refused she argued with him to the point of where he told her they can not see each other and that she had to call first before she came over. I decided to keep peace in my home to concentrate on taking care of my adoptive mother. Gert speaking; LIE, she was NOT allowed to see my father after she caused more trouble.
I had a feeling my natural father was going to die and reached out a few days before he did. We made our peace. Gert speaking; LIE, her adopted mother was very sick, Joan was afraid and went unannouced to my father’s home and browbeated an elder woman, his wife, into finding out what hospital my father was in. Joan then went there unannouced. When the family found this out we wrote about it on the blog. When my father did die, Joan was forbidden to attend the service and be near the family at the viewing.
My adoptive mother never really apologized for lying to me and keeping my siblings from me. Gert speaking; Joan browbeat her till the day she died. She couldn’t understand the whole experience because she loved me so much that she didn’t see the harm in what she did. In her last few years, we did talk about adoption and birth certificates and the adoption reform movement. Mom was genuinely upset when we watched an adoptee on TV and Mom said, “You should be on TV”. She was proud of my reform work, but she wasn’t always that way.
In one of my posts here, I said that my adoptive mother threw my adoption papers and my birth certificates and baptismal certificates at me a few days after I was contacted by phone by my eldest sister – the oldest of the 5 of us. Mom screamed at me that “these papers mean nothing to me anymore – we were just your babysitters”. Gert speaking; These words and actions of the adoptive mother are the reasons why Joan is anti-adoption, because the parents who raised her were flawed and were afraid they would lose Joan, while that’s terrible that is no reason for Joan to exploit them and the birth family and the institution of adoption and go out and browbeat and bully other people who want to adopt.
Mom never understood me on the topic of my birth certificates; until a few years before she died. She asked me for all of my “papers” so I gave them to her to read. The next morning, she said, “You are right. This birth certificate does say I gave birth to you. I did not get the chance to experience giving birth. Someone else did. You should have an adoption certificate instead.” That was the closest she came to seeing my point of view.
You ask: “Again, asking because I don’t know: Would you have felt differently about your changed birth certificate(s) if your adoptive parents and original church body had not lied to you and kept your adoption/birth-family a secret. Had they shared with you the names of your birth family and allowed you to engage in a relationship with them if you (and they) wanted, would that have changed your perspective?”
I have struggled with this since I was 18. Everything was dumped upon at the same time and took decades to resolve. Gert speaking; Excuse for not taking responsibility for her own actions. She was already looking on her own before we made contact. I got a phone call from a sister I never knew, telling me I have 4 older sibs, 2 same age step brothers, 2 younger step sisters and a baby half brother. I was told my birth name, and the names of my natural parents from this eldest sister. These are facts that should have been told to me by my adoptive parents at some point in my childhood. Gert speaking; These facts could not be given to her by either set of parents…that’s the law. All at once, I experienced a deep and profound loss of a childhood with these siblings, and loss of my mother whom I was never allowed to grieve or see her grave. I also felt a loss at not knowing my natural father.
I think people have this grandiose perception that when an adoptee has a reunion with their natural family that they are happy to be reunited. I was, but the shock at such a young age, the realization of being deceived, and the overwhelming emotional task of putting my life back together, all of this was too much to ask of an 18 year old still in high school. Gert speaking; At 18 she was considered an adult and the agency and lawyer I spoke with before making contact said I, as sibling, had the right to contact her. If Joan was unable to handle adulthood, at age 18, that is not my fault. I was an adult and mother at age 18 and so are many other people. I should have been told the truth from the very beginning and I should have had ongoing, relationship building visitation with all of my natural family from the very beginning. But then, I shouldn’t have been separated from my family at all. Gert speaking; Wishful thinking and lamenting that gives her the right to browbeat other people.
Back to what happened when I was 18: Gert speaking; By all means…forget the fact that she is now 56 years old and still acts like a spoiled 12 year old. Combine the relationship-building with my siblings and my father, and new aunts and uncles and cousins, while maintaining adoptive family relationships, and while applying for college and graduating from high school, it was just too much for me to handle. My sisters did not handle contacting me in the proper way. They took control and did not even involve our father in the decision to contact me. They overstepped their bounds. We had a brother, too, and all four siblings were wrong to contact me in the timing and manner that they did. They did not take into consideration how my adoptive parents would feel. Had my natural father made contact, he would have contacted my adoptive parents first to decide how to tell me and arrange for a meeting. Gert speaking; My father could not contact her, all this rehashing is the only way that Joan has to convince the world that she has been victimized…she never tells about her own rotten deeds to the birth family that only wanted to love her.
This was 1974 and no one knew how to do this because there were no books, no guidelines and no professionals to help. Gert speaking; Accept one’s life for what it is. Mistakes were made in the reunion process, many people’s feelings were hurt, despite efforts to make things right. My relationship with my adoptive parents suffered as a result of this intrusion. While I welcomed my natural family back into my life, resentment built up on all sides. Gert speaking; Because of her behavior and trouble making. Each person had their own view of what happened in 1956 and I was told some real horror stories. I had to decide who was telling me the truth and who wasn’t. Gert speaking; So she repeats the horror stories told to her by the adopted parents and she lies about everyone and everything.
Then there was the issue of the birth certificates and baptismal certificates. My understanding of the legalities involved evolved over time, research, and joining adoption support and reform organizations. Neither my adoptive family nor my natural family approved of my involvement. They did not approve of my going public and writing about my experiences and ideas for reform. I was viewed as an outcast, so I was rejected by natural family and adoptive family. Gert speaking; Because of her trouble making. In 1979/80 I and my second husband started adoption of my son and daughter. Joan interferred, we told her to butt out, she refused, she alienated my children against me, she called false child abuse reports on me twice…that is the major reason I reject her. Then in 1992 at a brief family gathering she lied to my face, said she loved me, but within 24 hours she was yelling at my father to help me because my mental health was in danger because of my religious beliefs! My father kicked her out of his house. In 1998 she wrote letters trying to get me to contact her again. She also tried to enlist my daughter, when she worked for an insurance company, to commit crimes by getting medical records from the state medicaid system. These acts were only against me, she did more to others. Joan Wheeler is dangerous…beware of her.
Had I been allowed contact with my siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles and my father from the beginning, some of the pain would have been relieved. Gert speaking; She will not accept the life she was given! John Lennon lived with his aunt while his mother went on to have other children. The siblings visited with each other, just like cousins visit each other. But there is one big difference: John Lennon was never formally adopted by his aunt so his birth certificate was never changed and no one tried to hid his siblings from him. He just lived with his aunt while his other siblings lived with their mother. I’m not sure about their father, but one sister, older than John (I think) was given up for adoption. She probably does not know to this day who her brother was. See the book: John Lennon, My Brother by Julia Baird. Gert speaking; What does that have to do with us the birth family of Joan? We object to having our family and our lives exposed and exploit by this woman.
Does all this negativity demean the objective for adoptees to be able to contact and reunite with their natural family, or to have the legal right to their original birth certificates? No. My reunion went sour because all people involved, including extended families, were ignorant of what adoption did to me, to my adoptive parents, to my natural father, and to my siblings. Gert speaking; No, it went sour because of Joan’s behavior and mental illness. Peoples’ perceptions were built by society’s taboos and myths. Gert speaking; Take it up with the law-makers, leave the birth family alone and stop harassing other people. I had to live them down and by doing so, by exposing the truth of adoption’s effects on all of us, I was the target of ridicule. Gert speaking; Untrue, she wants to be a victim, she loves her pain, which is self-induced. She is a target of ridicule because of this type of nonsense that she uses against anyone who is pro-adoption.
while I once thought that had I been given the opportunity for visiting my siblings during my childhood that most of the problems would have been solved, I no longer see it that way. Hence, I do not approve of open adoption. Why? Because the adoptee still suffers the loss of the family of origin and the loss of the birth identity. There is an amended birth certificate created and the lies never stop. And, why give up a child to open adoption when all that’s really needed is actual help and supports to keep a family in crisis together? Gert speaking; Pie in the sky thinking…what she wants needs to be done by the laws of the land, she will never accept that she was abused by the adopted family and she has spend her entire life making everyone paid.
If I had visitation with my siblings in an open adoption, I would still feel left out. Why do they get to be a family without me? Gert speaking; Self pity. Why was I the only one to be let go to adoption? It goes the other way around too, as I found out. My siblings were jealous and envious of my secluded childhood. Gert speaking; Nonsense, we were all adults when we found her…we all had our own lives. They felt that I got material things that they did not get; that I was spoiled and had the attention of two parents while they lost their mother and gained a step mother they didn’t want. Sure my adoptive parents had the time and money to spend on me, but we weren’t rich. Isn’t that why I was given up — to have a better life? Gert speaking; No, she was adopted because her mother died and her father had no means to care of her. fact of life.
But why have this better life when my reunited siblings used my life as a weapon against me? And because I wasn’t raised with them, I did not know their inside information: stuff that siblings do together. Gert speaking; So she lies and fabricates things. For us, they eventually saw themselves as “us against Joan” because I was the little sister who knew nothing. I had to be put in my place. Gert speaking; Fantasies in her head…
You asked me: My question, because I do not know, not to antagonize, (and it doesn’t sound like this is your experience, so maybe it is unfair to ask you) what is the opinion of adoptees (you know more than I) about trying to protect the identity of a birth mom that does not want to be known to the adoptee with a sealed original birth certificate?
Any mother who does not want to be contacted should have counseling to heal the deep wound of giving up her child, which is an act that goes against nature. Until she deals with the grief, shame and whatever else she’s feeling, she’s not going to be free inside herself to accept that she has the moral and ethical obligation to face her adult child and explain her actions. Many pregnant women were chained to the bed, drugged and “de-babied” or “raped of their babies at the moment of birth”. These women were traumatized and they did not make the decision to give up their babies. They then bury the pain of their loss so deep that they cannot face their own grown daughter or son. Gert speaking; Bad things happen all the time. There is no one-fix for all…Joan just likes to talk about things she knows nothing about for the dramatic effect. Joan does not live by all the advise she gives out. She is a mental case that refuses to get the help she needs, she blames every one for her inner problems.
Mothers do not need protection from their own adult children. That is a fabrication of the closed adoption system. Mothers have been coming out of the closet since 1976 to say that they never wanted to give up their babies, but were given no choices. Look up CUB: Concerned United Birthparents; Origins USA; American Adoption Congress; Adoption Crossroads at https://www.adoptionhealing.com/.
Certainly, if a mother or father does not want contact, their wishes should be respected by the adoptee. But in no way should that natural mother or father prevent the adoptee from accessing the original birth certificate. The truth of conception and birth should never be withheld from an adoptee. There are states that want to enforce laws to have the mother’s name redacted from the birth certificate. That is a very dangerous path to take. You give birth, you had better tell the truth to your adult child. You adopt, you had better tell the truth to your adoptee. Who pays the price in the end for the “rights” of the parents to have their way? The adoptee is the one to suffer because all the parents want the control. Since when does a 55 year old adoptee need permission from any parent to do anything or obtain any document? Mommie, may I please have my birth certificate? Give me a break. My children were considered free adults at age 18. Gert speaking; Moral outrage again….Joan knows what everyone else should do…particularly they should tell the truth…but Joan never speaks the truth, never.
What if the adoptee decides she doesn’t want contact from meddling natural or adoptive family? When does the adoptee receive protection from unwanted contact? Anyone has the right to say no to contact: if harassed, press charges. Gert speaking; Joan is an expert on harassments…the birth family has told her for years to leave us alone, she didn’t, she doesn’t, and then she wrote a lying book about us all! We, the birth sisters, were able to get the book removed from publication, by the publisher, when they did see the libelous material in the book they NEVER saw before printing. That’s the danger of self-publishing outfits. Joan got a print-ready deal, the publisher never read the maniuscript, unless and until they did a complaint. We sisters complainted, provided documentation and the publisher pulled the book. So now Joan has to continue her lies by having 2 websites devoted to lying about us and her hatred against adoption. She goes out and browbeats and harasses people like Erica on this site.
Erica, your adopted son should not have a falsified birth certificate. He should have an adoption certificate that accurately states the facts of adoption. I appreciate that you will be honest with your son. The system is not perfect.
Joan, so sad to hear about your boyfriend’s father. Thank you for taking the time to post such a great, well-thought out comment. I really appreciate it! I am enjoying conversing with you and learning more about you on here. I will be unable to get back to this til later, but wanted to respond right away! I will be praying for you and your boyfriend. Loss is so difficult!
Thank you, Erica. I’ll check back, if I can. If not, it will be a few days.
Gert speaking; I hope now that everyone, including Erica, has a clear understanding of Joan Wheeler..her comments are not well-thought out and they contain many many lies, as I’ve shown.
end part one….
UPDATE JUNE 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!