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always good to remember what bullies look like

by on March 8, 2012

I’m reposting this article. It’s always good to remember the basics.

On Line Bullies – this article describes Joan Wheeler.September 8, 2011Posted by Ruth in Lessons in Life.

I found this old article on my flash drive while looking for another file. Seems appropo. — It describe Joan Wheeler to a “T”

On Line Bullies

Online Bullies! All of us likely know at least one person that is an online bully but do all of us accurately know what an online bully is and how to spot one? Here are a few things that might be helpful in recognizing an online bully…They oft come across as being childlike or naive. There are four common types of Serial bullies…the most common one found online being the Attention Seeker Bully. Attention seeker bullies will try to use anything from their past, or present to draw on for sympathy. They tempt to align people to what they see as ‘their side’ by such means. The attention seeker bully will use anything within their ability to gain the sympathy, attention and respect of their peers. They will commonly try to draw people into their pleas of being innocent by way of such comments as “Look look at what I have been dealing with.” or “See I told you that I am the victim.” or “I don’t know why I draw these kinds of people to me, I’m innocent.” Now of course if this is a problem the person has with one or two select individuals it might be true but if the person who is saying such a thing has a history of this with several people from many different backgrounds chances are high it is not a coincidence and the person is actually only drawing reactions because they are found out to be attention seekers. When called upon for their own actions they will again claim to be the victim rather then the instigator.

Common Characteristics of Attention Seeker Bullies include:

selectively friendly – is sickly sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, and ignores the rest.

is cold and aggressive towards anyone who sees them for what they really are or exposes their strategies for gaining attention

manipulative of people’s perceptions, but in an amateur and childish manner

manipulative with guilt

everything is a drama, usually a poor-me drama

prefers not to solve problems in own life so that they can be used and re-used for gaining sympathy and attention

capitalises on issues and uses them as a soapbox for gaining attention

misappropriates others’ statements, eg anything which can be misconstrued as politically incorrect, for control and attention-seeking

excusitis, makes excuses for everything

shows a lot of indignation, especially when challenged

often as miserable as sin, apart from carefully constructed moments of charm when in the act of deceiving

demanding of others

feigns victimhood when held accountable, usually by bursting into tears or claiming they’re the one being bullied and harassed

constantly tries and will do almost anything to be in the spotlight

In addition the bully denies everything when asked, does not accept any blame unless it is for selfish purposes to be pursued at a later time. The purpose is to avoid answering the question and thus avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour. Often the target is tempted – or coerced – into giving another long explanation to prove the bully’s allegation false; by the time the explanation is complete, everybody has forgotten the original question.the bully feigns victimhood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt. This commonly takes the form of bursting into tears, which most people cannot handle. Variations include indulgent self-pity, feigning indignation, pretending to be “devastated”, claiming they’re the one being bullied or harassed, claiming to be “deeply offended”, melodrama, martyrdom (“If it wasn’t for me…”) and a poor-me drama (“You don’t know how hard it is for me … blah blah blah …” and “I’m the one who always has to…”, “You think you’re having a hard time …”, “I’m the one being bullied…”). Other tactics include manipulating people’s perceptions to portray themselves as the injured party and the target as the villain of the piece. Or presenting as a false victim.

Bullies also rely on the denial of others and the fact that when their target reports the abuse they will be disbelieved (“are your sure this is really going on?”, “I find it hard to believe – are you sure you’re not imagining it?”). Others are so entwined in the ‘victims’ role they cannot clearly assess the situation and see it for what it really is. Some likely believe it but don’t want to become the next target and chose to quietly ignore the situation. Because of the Jekyll & Hyde nature, compulsive lying, and plausibility, no-one can – or wants – to believe it.

Serial bullies harbour a particular hatred of anyone who can articulate their behaviour profile, either verbally or in writing – as on this page – in a manner which helps other people see through their deception and their mask of deceit. The usual instinctive response is to launch a bitter personal attack on the person’s credentials, lack of qualifications, and right to talk about personality disorders, psychopathic personality etc, whilst preserving their right to talk about anything they choose – all the while adding nothing to the debate themselves.

Bullies project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviours etc on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realise this, every criticism, allegation etc that the bully makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. This knowledge can be used to perceive the bully’s own misdemeanours; for instance, when the allegations are of financial or sexual impropriety, it is likely that the bully has committed these acts; when the bully makes an allegation of abuse (such allegations tend to be vague and non-specific), it is likely to be the bully who has committed the abuse. When the bully makes allegations of, say, “cowardice” or “negative attitude” it is the bully who is a coward or has a negative attitude.

In these circumstances, the bully has to understand that if specious and insubstantive allegations are made, the bully will also be investigated.

When the symptoms of psychiatric injury become apparent to others, most bullies will play the Mental Health Trap, claiming their target is “mentally ill” or “mentally unstable” or has a “mental health problem”. It is more likely that this allegation is a projection of the bully’s own mental health problems

Most of the information for this topic can be found here in addition to more information.

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm#Types

UPDATE, APRIL 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…

 https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoption1

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