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Divorce…is not limited to spouses! I divorced birth sibling Joan Wheeler decades ago!

by on March 18, 2012

It was in 1981 that I divorced Joan Wheeler after she interfered with the adoption process of my own son, in my marriage and with my children, and then her called 2 false child abuse reports against me. That’s right I DIVORCED her! I told her, that just because we were born of the same parents does not give her any SPECIAL standing…it was an accident of the Fates/Norns. After her betrayals to me I wanted nothing more to do with her! So yes, divorce is not limited to spouses.

On the public forum of Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, we find Joan Wheeler, as 1adoptee, telling us her sad sob story…like we have never heard it before. Joan must have some sort of timewarp in her mind for she is always expressing herself as a teenage would. She always tells us how she felt about this or that, as a teenager, never as an grown woman in her 50s, with decades of growing that would show a mature ‘look back’. It is obvious that she has never gotten beyond seeing things other than as a 18 year old. And she seems to think that by telling everyone that she was only 18 that excuses her behavior. Hey, I was a very naive 18 year old when I married and had a baby…I had to grow up real fast and to tell you the truth I don’t like ‘revisiting’ those years of my life. They are history. I am not the same person I was then. But, Joan can’t seem to get past being 18 years old…mentally and emotionally!

Now of course most people, at some point in their adolescence, wanted to get away from their parents, disliked or even hated their parents and perhaps wished they didn’t have their parents…that’s part of normal development. And as one grows older, and hopefully wiser, their perceptions changes and they no longer need to give voice to those adolescent utterances. That is why it is so difficult to read Joan Wheeler. She is always in that hateful adolescent stage!

Title: Re: Would You Divorce Your AP at 18 or any Age?
Post by: 1adoptee on September 16, 2010, 08:47:11 PM

I should have done it, instead, three months after my 18th birthday I was shocked to receive a phone call from my eldest sister who told me that I had four older full blood siblings. At that instant,, even though I had known for 18 years that I was adopted, I did not know I had siblings, so, at that moment of truth, I was sucked in the gut so hard that it nearly killed me. I wanted to die at the realization that the two most trusted people in the world to me — my adoptive parents — had prevented me from knowing my own siblings! I was deeply saddened and then the anger set in. Then I became too destraught for action. I was now reunited with siblings who wanted to meet me, and a father who wanted to meet me, and aunts and uncles and cousins who wanted to meet me, so I went along with all of it because I didn’t know what to do. Meanwhile, I had to finish high school, apply for colleges,, plan my future and I was fucked up. Thirty years later, in a group therapy session, a woman said that she left her home and her parents when her parents found out she was pregnant and called her a whore. So she went to the high school gudiance counselor who got her an apartment and welfare by the end of the day. She never saw her mother and father again after that, but she did get married and had her baby at age 17. Me, I never saw any of it coming so when it hit, it hit me bad. Nope, if I had gone to my high school guidance counselor and told her what had happened, I wouldn’t have gotten help. I DID go to a teacher and told her, but she told me to PRAY to Jesus and alll would be well. I tried to cope by telling myeslf that all adotpees have two sets of real parents, and that I really wanted to meet all of my natural family. I did meet them, and all they had to say was the usual bullshit about of how glorious adoption is and bla bla bla. I was emotionally strung out, went into major depression and cried myself to selep for years. What a fucking waste of a life…alll to save realtionships and be plesaing to everyone but myself. I should have walked out at age 18 and I should have divorced my aparents. I should have ran away fromthe reunion, too because all I ever got was hell for not snapping out of “it”…People find me, shock the shit out of me,, sexually abuse me, and I get yelled at for having a reunion when I didn’t search…NONE of it was worth the life I had! Just ask my grown kids how they feel about family – we have none. Damn Catholics, full of shit and pray to Jeeesuusss and you will feel better…

Gert’s comments:

Joan’s words, below, are now in italics. First it must be said that Joan NEVER said, to any of us, from the birth family, when we first found her, that she was having difficultly dealing with anything. I will state it again…I asked advise from an adoption agency and a lawyer and was told that I, as sibling, could make contact with adopted sister at legal age of 18. Now, if Joan, at 18, was not mature enough nor had an upbringing that would support her during a ‘reunion’ that would have to be the responsibility for and from that family, not me. Joan is fond of saying that she was misabused BECAUSE she was contacted by siblings when she was 18 and she couldn’t handle that. To my mind that is pure bullshit and Joan’s way of conning people. I was 18 when I had responsibilities throw at me…a person either sinks or swim… you either live or die! So for Joan to say and keep saying that she was unprepared for the reunion is to keep herself in that immature box while she blames everyone else for her immaturity.

I should have done it, instead, three months after my 18th birthday I was shocked to receive a phone call

No, she never thought about it (leaving home or anything close to it or divorcing parents) because she is only now talking about doing so because that is the topic of this thread. Joan never has a original thought! Joan had her chance to leave home many times but she didn’t because if she did she would have missed out on all the freebies that those adopted parents, that she hates, gave her. Even when she had her own apartment those parents supported her. When she was married, the adopted mother supported her, then Joan moved in with the adopted mother and Joan still lives, in 2012, in the same home that she was adopted into in 1957. No, Joan is not telling the whole truth here.

at that moment of truth, I was sucked in the gut so hard that it nearly killed me.

She is such a drama queen! Remember that as she writes this she is a woman in her 50s and feels like a top dog when talking about all the horrors of adoption. The majority of the people on this forum are pretty much angry adoptees who hate their lives, so Joan can ‘speak’ with ‘authority’ because, as she is fond of saying, she has been dealing with this for over 38 years.

I wanted to die at the realization that the two most trusted people in the world to me — my adoptive parents — had prevented me from knowing my own siblings!

This is part of her ‘narrative’, her ‘story’! You can see the teenage thinking and reaction here! Joan does not want to accept the nature of adoption…that the birth family’s identity is kept from the child that was adopted. The adopted parents were following the LAW. It is only in Joan’s diseased mind that she believes that the adopted parents were to tell Joan, as she was growing up, all about the birth family…what a laugh!

I was deeply saddened and then the anger set in. Then I became too destraught for action.

Too distraught??!! (check her spelling, she never does) anyway…what action was she suppose to be doing? Oh, that’s right divorce the adopted parents! Like I said, Joan didn’t want to leave that home and parents, she had a real good deal going. When sadness turns to anger…something is wrong and something needs to be done. This is the root cause of Joan’s mental understanding. She doesn’t WANT to get rid of her anger, without it, she doesn’t have any reason to live. She has put all her emotional eggs in one basket and she can’t risk getting rid of them.

so I went along with all of it because I didn’t know what to do.

She ‘went along with all of it’…the reunion that is. Oh…so all those years of the reunion she was just going alone with it for what …the show! Again, this is an example of how Joan just goes with what ever topic-flow is happening at the moment. Joan wanted the reunion, she craved it, she hounded everyone she met, she took notes about everything, because, she was WRITING her book from the first time she KNEW she had a birth family to exploit and expose.

I had to finish high school, apply for colleges,, plan my future and I was fucked up.

And other people never had to deal with several issues at one time? Give me a break!! Why doesn’t she speak the truth here…her adopted parents were paying for her college, why would she leave? She had it all planned out, she already had a college picked out. This is just drama talk! Plan her future! So does a zillion other people plan and live their lives with unexpected events and people coming and going in it…that’s called life. And she was fucked up!! She was fucked up long before she ever was contacted by the birth family so she can’t blame that on us.

Thirty years later, in a group therapy session

Right…Joan’s been in therapy for decades. I see no improvement.

Me, I never saw any of it coming so when it hit, it hit me bad.

Cop out!…she ought to have seen it coming and she did think about it, because she was looking at the same time! Again, these stupid statements, are all aimed at the birth family’s contact with her, and the adopted family’s lack of telling her earlier in her life the truth about the birth family. These statements of Joan’s are spoken (written) to draw attention away from Joan, because she doesn’t want people to know that she was very immature, and she always places the blame onto others. Joan is the victim, never the doer.

I DID go to a teacher and told her, but she told me to PRAY to Jesus and alll would be well

She’s not the first and only person who got this ill advise! But the difference here is Joan’s complete disrespect for other religions. Instead of acknowledging that advise is the typical ‘all-purpose’ advise and finding someone else with clearer reasoning, Joan would rather mock the religion and it’s advise. Like I said Joan was and still is very immature.

I did meet them, and all they had to say was the usual bullshit about of how glorious adoption is and bla bla bla.

She how dishonest she was, even back then….she never told us any of her true feelings, about anything! To MANY people, adoption IS a good thing. We tried to have conversations about it, she didn’t want to hear our opinions, she is right, we are wrong. I ADOPTED my son and of course Joan interfered with my and my husband’s decisions and actions. After all the trouble she caused me, decades ago, she doesn’t have a legitimate leg to stand on! This is the MAIN reason Joan hates me, because I told her to butt out of my life, my children’s lives. She didn’t like that and ‘went after me’. No more…the truth comes out. Why is she NOT telling the whole story here? Why is she NOT telling these people how she browbeaten me over adoption and how she interfered in my children’s lives, because we ADOPTED?

I was emotionally strung out, went into major depression and cried myself to selep for years.

Why, she wanted to know her family! What happened was that she started to cause trouble and she doesn’t know about personal boundaries! She gets right into everyone’s personal stuff and when she is told to butt out, she gets angry and HURT, poor thing! Depression! Crying self to sleep for years….sounds like she never got over her anger! Yep, she never has, and she doesn’t want to…she loves her pain!

What a fucking waste of a life…alll to save realtionships and be plesaing to everyone but myself.

You can say that again! Did it ever occur to Joan that she could have LEFT EVERYONE ALONE? If she just left people alone to live their lives the way they want she may have HAD a relationship! No, every member of the birth family has had MAJOR issues with Joan, from the get-go, because Joan doesn’t get personal boundaries. That is why she wrote that libelous book…because she doesn’t know that you just DON’T DO THAT! And now, she is learning because NOW we sisters are setting the record straight.

I should have walked out at age 18 and I should have divorced my aparents

Who is she kidding! And give up all those college years fully paid for and all the other things those adopted parents gave her…and all the thanks they got from Joan was hate and anger.

I should have ran away fromthe reunion, too because all I ever got was hell for not snapping out of “it”…

Oh how we wish!! Hey, even when we told her to get away, she kept coming back and back and back, like a bad penny! She NEEDS us, that is WHY she wrote that book, she NEEDS us to be her boogie-men. And she still hasn’t snapped out of IT! Come on now…get real…admit that you are adopted, you don’t like it, your families are no good and get a move on…get a LIFE!

People find me, shock the shit out of me,, sexually abuse me, and I get yelled at for having a reunion when I didn’t search

Lies, lies, lies! Such drama! Yep she’s got her narrative/story down pat, doesn’t she. We the birth family went looking for her, found her JUST so we could shock her, sexually abuse her and yell at her! Right! She was totally innocent! Nice fantasy…I really wonder how many of these adoptee really believes Joan’s bullshit.

NONE of it was worth the life I had!

She has the life she wrought! I, for one, have NOT BEEN IN HER LIFE FOR CLOSE TO 40 YEARS. Like everyone else on this planet, a person is the sole creator of their life. If Joan’s life was NOT worth it, then why does she KEEP REPEATING IT? Why keep telling the narrative/story? Because it’s the only life she has!

Just ask my grown kids how they feel about family – we have none.

Sure, and why would that be…because of Joan’s behavior, the family doesn’t want to be around Joan and by extension her children. Sure that’s too bad…but, when Joan interfered with my children I did DIVORCE myself from Joan and therefore couldn’t give 2 cents for her and her life. I have laid eyes on her children one in 1992 and then only briefly one of them in 2011. So again, the blame falls squarely on Joan’s shoulders. She has no right to blame the birth family for her negative behavior over the years.

Damn Catholics, full of shit and pray to Jeeesuusss and you will feel better…

Why did she go off topic? The topic was NOT about Catholics, but about divorcing adopted parents. Oh, that’s right if you’re Catholic you can’t get a divorce…unless of course you do like many people do…leave the Church and have a life of your own. Pathetic whine!

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