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Why did Joan’s reunion go bad? Was it because of Joan or was it because of those nasty birth sisters? Or was it doomed from the start? part one

by on April 6, 2012

More of the Internet attack, upon birth siblings, that Joan Wheeler did to us in December 2009 in order to hedge her bet and beat us to the punch…so the saying goes.

see update at end of post

Evidence is right there on Joan’s own web site, Forbidden Family, the very site that we, the birth siblings, want Joan to remove all the references to us. In the following we see more of Joan’s attack. She is not speaking to anyone except her birth sisters. She believes that by making assertive statements, that, that will make them truth. The following is a pre-emptive strike against us, just weeks after the book was published.

My comments, here, are after each paragraph of Joan’s words which are in italics.

Direct from Joan Wheeler’s blog, Forbidden Family, another attack/lies about the sisters and family. In order to protect herself, from those nasty birth sisters, Joan started her campaign LONG before we had the book and started to read it, let alone refute and condemn it. The following is another post from her blog, using another one of her AKAs ‘legitimatebastard’ and with my comments.

10 Dec 2009 @ 10:09 PM No comment on comment moderation.

I do wish people would understand this about my adoption: it is not my reunion that “went bad” because there is much more to reunion than just a few relationships. My sisters are unto themselves, yet I had a reunion with multple people and still do. Reunion and adoption is about telling the truth to the adoptee. For the complete story, as it unfolded, read my book!

Gert’s comments: The reunion most certainly did go bad, because, of Joan’s own misbehavior, interference in other peoples’ lives and her non-stop harassing at and over the issue of adoption. She will NEVER accept her own behavior as the cause and source of the problems. A few relationships is not what a reunion is made of. The entire birth family was involved in the ‘reunion’ and over time each and every birth family member told Joan the same thing…butt out of our lives. The birth sisters are NOT the cause for Joan’s reunion going bad. Joan can not make the ‘sisters’ as a separate entity from the entire family unit, not any more than she can make three sisters into one. Nope, we are and always will be part of the birth family and that is something Joan doesn’t want, then or now. And, while she is at it, telling the world, that the birth sisters are the PROBLEM, she makes sure to plug the lying libelous book as if that will settle the issue! Little did she, or us, know it at that time, that, that book was doomed!

It ought to be remembered that the book has been pulled by the publisher because the birth sisters did prove that the book contained much hate and libelous material and that Joan violated her contract with the publisher.

The real issue in my adoption is this: my natural father relinquished me under duress. He did not know he gave me to an adoptive family that made up their own rules about contact, what would be allowed to the older generations and other certain select relatives, and not to the father who relinquished his daughter to them, nor to his daughter, the adoptee, herself. My father’s rights were violated by adoptive relatives who deemed themselves to have control over my adoption and my life.

Gert’s comments: Even before the book is out there long, she has to make sure that she maintains the lies. Birth father was not under ‘duress’, it was well thought out and executed. Whether he knew or not about any aspect of the adoptive family is irrelevant! The deed was done, end of story, except of course, Joan never wants the story to end, because without her telling and retelling her story she has no life. Joan really ought to learn how NOT to write long run-on sentences. She is trying way too hard to get ‘all’ of the story out in one sentence! Birth father’s rights were NEVER violated by anyone. He was not responsible, let alone know anything thing about, the actions of the adoptive parents. When he relinquished his child, that child no longer was any concern of his. Joan does not want to accept the fact that every child, including her, is under CONTROL of the parents that are raising them.

Meanwhile, my father was not aware that meddling relatives from his deceased wife’s family would spread filty lies about him killing his wife and that he “could not stand the sight of me” that’s why he “got rid of me”. THAT was the content of hate mail sent to me for decades from anonymous letters whom I suspect are members of my extended adoptive family who listened to these lies and beleived them.

Gert’s comments: Again, when birth father relinquished his child, that child no longer was any concern of his and by extension what relatives did or did not do was no longer his concern, even if he knew about it. The child in question, namely Joan, no longer existed in his mind, and therefore Joan’s argument here is pure nonsense.

And here we have the first documented evidence directly from Joan’s mouth, on her own web site, of her lying about the harassing letters. Here she blames the adoptive family! Is it the birth family’s fault that the adoptive family was nuts? Because they are nuts and told Joan all kinds of unkind things, is that a reason for Joan to PUBLISH all those unkind things, in a book and on the internet? NO, it is not a reason and it, in itself, makes Joan just as bad as those adoptive relatives that she hates. Joan’s behavior is a direct result of the upbringing she had, at the hands of the adoptive relatives. And, for Joan to publish these things does not help Joan’s case.

Ruth has had this observation…she is saying that it was the Herrs (birth mother’s family) sending her the hate mail, then she turns around and says it is the adoptive family. NObody in the Herr family sent her mail. In the book, she says it was John Wheeler (adoptive father’s brother) who was eventually found out. And see how she slanders the Herr family by saying that they thought our father murdered our mother – this should be pointed out – that Joan just starts her deluded ramblings and then accuses everybody (not just her birth sisters) of things they haven’t done.

My natural father was told by the court to stay away from me during the 18 years of my childhood. He did. He did not want me to be confused. But the inference of meddling extended family cause plenty of rumors and hate. I was hunted down like an animal (by adopted realtives) because I dared to accept my father back into my life in 1974. And I dared to write articles in the paper defending adoptees’ right to know the truth. Hunted down, tracked down, by adoptive relatives who did not like the fact that I was in reunion with a father that they hated, but I was not ever supposed to know him or like him or love him. Nor was I supposed to know any of my blood relatives, but certain members of my adoptive family deemed themselves worthy of socializing with my blood kin, while keeping me away from my own blood kin.

Gert’s comments: And here she tells how she was ‘hunted down like an animal’ by adoptive relatives…again…it was NOT the birth sisters doing all the horrible things to her, but yet, she claims we did and she put it in print! It was the adoptive family who disliked her writing about adoption, NOT the birth sisters, yet, she blames us. Joan was ‘hunted down, tracked down’….damm….and she blames the sisters, who only ever wanted her GONE FROM THEM, but Joan refused to stay gone. Joan’s hatred is for the adoptive family but yet she blames the birth sisters! And Joan shows us, again by her own words, that she is indeed the product of the adoptive family…for…as the adoptive family lied to her, she has lied to others. Joan learned her behavior from the adoptive family that she hates so much, yet, she blames the birth sisters for showing Joan’s lies!

Why? Because the myth of adoption says that the adoptee must never be told the truth, or must never know the parents who gave them life. That is what happened in my life: My adoptive relatives broke the adoption contract signed between my natural father and my adoptive parents. My father relinquished me to their care, firmly believing that I would be protected from a confusing life. It is not his fault that other relatives prevented him form knowing what was really going on for 18 years to his daughter that they were keeping a close eye on. Keep the father away from his daughter. Keep the adoptee away from her father and her siblings, but we will watch the adoptee and take notes on her as she grows into an adult.

Gert’s comments: I hate to burst Joan’s bubble, but, it is no MYTH…it is fact, in adoption the adoptee’s birth parents ARE kept secret, that is the nature of adoption. Perhaps getting medical records open would help adoptees, but, the ways and means of Joan Wheeler’s telling are just plain crazy. No one listens to a crack pot and that is what Joan is, a crack pot! Personally I have no real issues to debate on that subject, my subject is Joan Wheeler’s behavior! Joan doesn’t understand that by the very fact that her adoption was a result of personal contact and knowledge of both sets of parents, such things as keeping track of her during her life would be the most nature thing to have happen. It certainly was not done with maliciousness…that is only in Joan’s mind and heart. No, Joan can’t keep this dead horse alive and keep kicking him! So there were some birth relatives that knew the adoptive relatives and they kept an eye on Joan as she grew up, big f…ing deal already!

There was no conspiracy at work…no one was keeping the father away from the daughter and her from her siblings! The true fact is Joan was adopted! Period, end of story, grow up and accept that fact and what it means. Joan makes it sound as if the birth father was the VICTIM of the conspiracy the adoptive family had against him and Joan!

Family secrets. Violation of a confidential and private adoption court proceeding between two sets of parents over the relinquishment and adoption of an unsuspecting adoptee.

Gert’s comments:

Oh the poor unsuspecting adoptee!! Gosh, she must have been a very unique baby if people were able to conseal so much dirty dealings from her! If only they knew that that baby was CAPABLE of knowing that they were double-crossing her! This drama is so un-needed.

Reunion gone bad? Adoption not right from the start. Whose privacy violated? Mime. And my father’s privacy. My reunion is still going on folks…I still have relationships with other relatives. The adoptee is in the middle and suffers because of the prejudice against adoptees in the larger society.

Posted By: legitimatebastard
Last Edit: 29 Jan 2010 @ 07:29

Gert’s comments:

Yes the reunion went bad, and it went from bad to worst and if I had to do it all over again I never would have made contact with her, or know her, because she is one sick person! So, as the adoptee, Joan is in the middle of a self-made hell, and she suffers because she refuses to accept her lot in life…it’s everyone’s fault, not hers.

UPDATE January 2017; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/   this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

Also see this Facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoptionStruggleforIdentity1/

In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Adoptee-Duped-Adoption/forum/Fx16ZHWP5PQHHCK/-/1/ref=cm_cd_fp_rvt?_encoding=UTF8&asin=B00X520CGW

Joan Mary Wheeler forum 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/forum.html/ref=cm_cd_rvt?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx3T0YAD0KXNPP5

review of first book and 4 comments

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Joan-M-Wheeler/dp/1412061547

***

  1. I have a friend from college who was adopted. After graduation, he set out to Germany to meet his birth father who he located somehow. One meeting, one visit, closure, done. He learned what he could and what the birth family was willing to share. He has wonderful adoptive parents and that was just the luck of the draw, I guess. Joan knows more about her birth parents and sisters than he could ever dream to know about his. It’s sad she chooses to abuse what she knows to point fingers and blame. Any of us, adopted or not, could dig up some ugly fact or secret our parents kept from us and twist it to come up with an excuse to be mad at the world.

    gertmcqueen permalinkfor sure, Paula…

    life is not fair, but it’s all we got…we siblings, our brother is dead, were thrilled to have had the opportunity to find her, but she was not raised like us, and well frankly she just couldn’t be satisfied with knowing us…she blames it on her youth…BS I too was 18 and I had a husband and two children and couldn’t afford to be self-centered at 18 like her. But she was raised to be a spoiled brat with no consideration for others and within a few short years she destroyed everyone’s trust in her. Her adopted family/life was not our doing, just her draw of that straw…we don’t get to pick our parents…or do we?

    From the get-go Joan was writing that book…no kidding, from day one, she had her notebook and interviewed everyone and kept it up and well…I turned my back on her in 1981…only to find lies and misrepresentations in a libelous book some 30 years later! And she wonders why we are upset…

    She chose to have the life that she has because she wants to blame everyone for her own enabilities…she could have been happy to have two families that really did care about her, but she made it her business to destroy everything and everyone that was family…her loss.

    thanks for your understanding and input.

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4 Comments
  1. I have a friend from college who was adopted. After graduation, he set out to Germany to meet his birth father who he located somehow. One meeting, one visit, closure, done. He learned what he could and what the birth family was willing to share. He has wonderful adoptive parents and that was just the luck of the draw, I guess. Joan knows more about her birth parents and sisters than he could ever dream to know about his. It’s sad she chooses to abuse what she knows to point fingers and blame. Any of us, adopted or not, could dig up some ugly fact or secret our parents kept from us and twist it to come up with an excuse to be mad at the world.

  2. for sure, Paula…

    life is not fair, but it’s all we got…we siblings, our brother is dead, were thrilled to have had the opportunity to find her, but she was not raised like us, and well frankly she just couldn’t be satisfied with knowing us…she blames it on her youth…BS I too was 18 and I had a husband and two children and couldn’t afford to be self-centered at 18 like her. But she was raised to be a spoiled brat with no consideration for others and within a few short years she destroyed everyone’s trust in her. Her adopted family/life was not our doing, just her draw of that straw…we don’t get to pick our parents…or do we?

    From the get-go Joan was writing that book…no kidding, from day one, she had her notebook and interviewed everyone and kept it up and well…I turned my back on her in 1981…only to find lies and misrepresentations in a libelous book some 30 years later! And she wonders why we are upset…

    She chose to have the life that she has because she wants to blame everyone for her own enabilities…she could have been happy to have two families that really did care about her, but she made it her business to destroy everything and everyone that was family…her loss.

    thanks for your understanding and input.

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