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Are you smarter or better educated than your parents? Joan Wheeler is proud to say she is!

by on May 7, 2012

On the public forum for Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, Joan Wheeler, as 1adoptee, tells us how much smarter and educated she is, from her adopted parents. And this is important…how? All I see is a very ungrateful brat who looks for every opportunity to bad-mouth, insult and be disrespectful to the parents that adopted her.

  Re: Are/were you smarter than   your APs?« Reply #19 on:December 19,   2011 at 12:13:18 PM »  

I don’t think I am smarter than my aparents, just better educated – a 4 year college degree. By the time I was in high school, I knew that my education exceeded theirs. It showed. I came home from school and discussed what I learned. My parents were shocked I learned about evolution. I got the Catholic lecture on that…I was 14 at the time and it hit me that my parents don’t understand science. They had no understanding of biology, inheritance, genes. However, my afather was a skilled electrician. He took courses and advanced in his work. I found that amazing since he quit school in the 8th grade to scavange for trash to repair (radios, tables, chairs, motors, etc…) and sell. This was in the 1920s. My amother finished high school and went on to beauty school, took sewing classes and worked as a professional seamstress during WWI and then as a machinist. But the trouble that we had in communicating was that they held onto classic theology (the world is 10,000 years old, etc, no evolution, Adam and Eve…) so when I read books on anthropology, archealogy, genetics, evolution, embryology, psychology, these were points of dissagreement and arguing. Sad really. But, my aMom taught me to sew and to sew well. She taught me knitting, creative arts, and we shared interest in comedies. My aDad, though he lacked education, took me to museums and got me interested in rocks and gemstones, dinosaurs, and fish, and we went to art galleries. I think both of my aparents were frustrated that they didn’t have further education.

Gert’s comments: right away Joan does not tell the entire truth…she has 2 (two) college degrees and she does not give the adopted parents the credit they deserve…that they PAID for those 2 degrees that Joan has!

I don’t think I am smarter than my aparents, just better educated – a 4 year college degree

Joan ought to know better than to ‘put down’ those parents that have raised her, she ought to be ashamed. But she isn’t because she wrote a lying hateful book where she exploited both the adopted and birth families. Joan hates everyone. Having an education is not the same things as being smart nor educated, anyone can read a book and know something about something, it’s another thing to use that education and gain knowledge and know how to use both, education and knowledge. Joan has never shown anyone that she has such an education or knowledge, on the contray, she is just a bully who uses her education to beat people up who are pro-adoption.

By the time I was in high school, I knew that my education exceeded theirs. It showed.

Then she tells us all about the differences between the parents understanding, and lack of understanding, of the world and Joan’s understanding. Okay…that in and of itself isn’t anything to write home about, it happens in many many families. Many parents didn’t have the advantages that they gave their children. The key issue here is in the way Joan decided to use her ‘better education’. She kept the difference in education as points of disagreements and arguing. Why is it so important to Joan to ALWAYS have the last word? If she saw, early on, that the parents’ understanding was fixed, why did Joan have to hammer on and on and keep the arguing going? Why didn’t Joan just learn to ‘agree to disagree’ and learn to have peace in the family? Why didn’t Joan learn, from experience, that it is best to keep ones mouth shut when it comes to certain topics? Why didn’t Joan learn to leave the parents alone? Even if the arguments were started by the adoptive parents, why didn’t Joan learn to drop it? There are many many ways that a child, of any age, learns when to keep their mouths shut. But not Joan, she has always wanted to have ‘it out’ with the adopted mother. Joan provokes and belittles. Joan goes to great lengths in that lying hate filled book to tell everyone about all the arguments and fights between her and the parents as well as her birth father and her birth siblings. She MUST be right!

You could excuse a teenager’s youth and lack of life experience when they critize the parents, but Joan, as she wrote the above, is a grown woman of 56 years of age. Don’t you think its time to drop the hate against two people, whose only crime was to adopt a child?

This is an example of why Joan can’t understand the birth family. In all our, birth siblings, various arrangements and living conditions, we each learned, from experience, that certain topics will cause disagreements, but and, harmonious relationships depend on ‘not going there’ on certain topics. This is why Joan has caused so much trouble in the birth family…because Joan has to be right, everyone must agree with her, and if they don’t, she will make their lives miserable…because she is better educated.

It was Joan’s ‘better education’ that she used to browbeat me and my husband over our adoption of my son! When we told Joan to butt out and get out, she made our lives miserable and then took it further by interfering in my minor children’s lives and called child abuse on me, twice! Joan is right, she is better educated, she KNEW that adoption was wrong and that I was doing great harm to my son! Excuse me! Who asked her?

And Joan uses her better education to go out on sites of people who are pro-adoption so that Joan, in her 100% anti-adoption position, can just beat them up and re-educate them to her point of view and if they don’t agree with them, she just insults them.

Where is the parental respect from Joan to her adoptive parents? Even if the parents were difficult to live with, why would Joan have the ‘need’ to make the parents be wrong, or prove to them that they were outdated. Is it up to Joan, the child, to ‘re-educate’ the parents? Why couldn’t see just let them be who they were?

took courses and advanced in his work. I found that amazing since he quit school in the 8th grade to scavange for trash to repair

Why would that amaze Joan? Because she can’t SEE the inherit ability that the man had! Joan does NOT value self-education and she BELIEVES that an 8th grade educated person would never be able to manage adult education! She has the same misbelief about my father, her birth father. Joan can not accept that these men were capable of a higher education and did indeed get one and held jobs for decades after having a difficult start in life.

my aMom taught me to sew and to sew well.

aDad, though he lacked education, took me to museums

These adopted parents gave to Joan, what they knew or were able to give to her. All Joan can do is bad-mouth and exploit them and again point out that he lacked education. What has Joan done with what these people gave her? What has Joan given, of her better educated self, to her own children?

I think both of my aparents were frustrated that they didn’t have further education.

Here she goes again…she is thinking! Joan is only speculating here! Joan is giving HER opinion, not any truth. And if they were frustrated how did Joan’s bitching and arguing HELP that frustration? It only made it worst! NO ONE likes to have their uneducated background pushed in their face by the very CHILD they adopted! NO ONE likes to have a know-it-all telling you, day after day, that you are uneducated and therefore you can’t understand me.

Joan can only gives ‘lip-service’ to the life-experiences of the adopted parents and the birth parents. She then uses those experiences AGAINST the parents…to prove Joan’s biased points in her so-called social work position and in her written assessments. In her book, Chapter 38, she goes into great lengths to discuss the educational background of 4 parents, plus a step-mother who had NOTHING to do with Joan or her adoption, to prove that they didn’t understand the concept of adoption and the harm(?) it does to the adoptee.

I have already written and posted about some of this and I will eventually write more about that chapter. The issue right now is that Joan Wheeler is an exploiter…she had it in her mind from the time she was a teenager that she was going to write about her life. She then spend decades collecting and writing and rewriting to make her ‘life story’ a compelling drama! All the time she was exploiting she never understood the personal backgrounds of the very people who gave her life and sustenance.

Sad really

No question about that! Too bad that Joan doesn’t know enough to keep her mouth shut because most of the time when she opens her mouth she PROVES that she is very ignorant.

Gert says:
“This is an example of why Joan can’t understand the birth family. In all our, birth siblings, various arrangements and living conditions, we each learned, from experience, that certain topics will cause disagreements, but and, harmonious relationships depend on ‘not going there’ on certain topics. This is why Joan has caused so much trouble in the birth family…because Joan has to be right, everyone must agree with her, and if they don’t, she will make their lives miserable…because she is better educated.”

This is so right Gert. I’ve spoken about this before, and I will do it again. Joan in her “infinite wisdom” proceeded to lecture me about infertility, AFTER my miscarriage in 1985. This came about in April 1987, after she returned from an adoption conference in Philadelphia. By 1987, I was still having problems dealing with the loss of my son. Yes, I was only 6 weeks pregnant, but in my heart and soul, I knew it was a boy.

I had made plans to see a grief counselor and an appointment was set for a few weeks later in June. So during this phone conversation in April, Joan is telling me about the conference and there were people there talking about infertility. I immediately said, “Joan, I don’t want to talk about this.” But did she listen? NO! She continued, telling me there were some women there who had miscarriages. I said again, “Joan I don’t want to talk about this.” But she kept on. I said again, “Joan, I don’t want to talk about this.” Then she says that she learned a lot and then comes out with this brilliant statement:’ “I know more about infertility than you think I do.”

That is when I lost it and said to her, “Joan, I said I don’t want to talk about this. I have an appointment with a grief counselor and I don’t want to talk about this until I see the counselor. You don’t know ANYthing about infertility because YOU HAVE TWO CHILDREN. You don’t know SHIT about infertility or miscarriages.” And I slammed the phone down.

This whole incident shows us what Gert said is true: “certain topics will cause disagreements, … harmonious relationships depend on ‘not going there.’” ESPECIALLY when someone tells another person FOUR TIMES “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT.” – (Joan may have book smarts, but she is so f’ing dumb in other areas). And Gert continues on: “This is why Joan has caused so much trouble in the birth family,” – WHY WOULD SOMEONE KEEP TALKING ABOUT A SUBJECT AFTER SOMEONE HAS SAID THREE TIMES (nicely) NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT. So what was the result? Because of the gross disrespect, not just about the infertility or miscarriage issue, but THE GROSS DISRESPECT OF DISREGARDING THE WISHES OF THE PERSON JOAN IS TALKING TO (I don’t want to talk about it), JOAN CONTINUED TO SWEEP ME AND MY FEELINGS AND MY WISHES UNDER HER FEET TO THE POINT SHE GOT THE PHONE SLAMMED DOWN ON HER!

And again and again, we see examples of this behavior in her book. She just lamblasts her way all over EVERYbody and then gets “stunned, surprised, shocked” (her words at various times in the book) that the other person has gotten angry with her. BECAUSE SHE DISRESPECTS AND BROWBEATS AND BULLIES PEOPLE IN PERSON, ON THE PHONE AND ON THE INTERNET!)

Just two weeks ago, she was blabbing on and on against adoption and then tells a woman who had suffered multiple miscarriages to “seek grief counseling.”

Yeah, Joan is “educated” all right. If she’s so dam smart, perhaps she has an answer as to why she’s really so stupid.

 
Gert again…
yes…JW knews everything…she is ALL KNOWING and ALL WISE…that is why, I think 1979 when my father and wife decided to ‘adopt’ her daughter, dad’s step-daughter…Joan went to dad’s wife and said to her…it is wrong for you, the mother, to GIVE AWAY your daughter. Joan got dad’s wife (my step-mother) so upset and when dad learned of it, he told Joan to stop butting in and causing trouble. but JW couldn’t understand what she did wrong…poor thing…

then…in 1980/81, when I and my second husband began adoption procedures to adopt my son, Joan told us that we were DOING GRAVE HARM to my son. We told her to butt out, she didn’t like that, she said we DIDN’T LISTEN to her and because we, the parents, forbide JW to have contact with my minor children, because JW was interferring in our family and children, JW called 2 false child abuse reports on me to get even with me.

So, yes, Joan doesn’t know that she doesn’t know anything…she is all wise and knowledgeable and she thinks NOTHING of going to other people and bullying them into submission. Well she maybe able to do that to some people but she did not do that to Dad and she didn’t do that to me. JW does NOT have a good record and we will continue to point that out to everyone.

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3 Comments
  1. Gert says:
    “This is an example of why Joan can’t understand the birth family. In all our, birth siblings, various arrangements and living conditions, we each learned, from experience, that certain topics will cause disagreements, but and, harmonious relationships depend on ‘not going there’ on certain topics. This is why Joan has caused so much trouble in the birth family…because Joan has to be right, everyone must agree with her, and if they don’t, she will make their lives miserable…because she is better educated.”

    This is so right Gert. I’ve spoken about this before, and I will do it again. Joan in her “infinite wisdom” proceeded to lecture me about infertility, AFTER my miscarriage in 1985. This came about in April 1987, after she returned from an adoption conference in Philadelphia. By 1987, I was still having problems dealing with the loss of my son. Yes, I was only 6 weeks pregnant, but in my heart and soul, I knew it was a boy.

    I had made plans to see a grief counselor and an appointment was set for a few weeks later in June. So during this phone conversation in April, Joan is telling me about the conference and there were people there talking about infertility. I immediately said, “Joan, I don’t want to talk about this.” But did she listen? NO! She continued, telling me there were some women there who had miscarriages. I said again, “Joan I don’t want to talk about this.” But she kept on. I said again, “Joan, I don’t want to talk about this.” Then she says that she learned a lot and then comes out with this brilliant statement:’ “I know more about infertility than you think I do.”

    That is when I lost it and said to her, “Joan, I said I don’t want to talk about this. I have an appointment with a grief counselor and I don’t want to talk about this until I see the counselor. You don’t know ANYthing about infertility because YOU HAVE TWO CHILDREN. You don’t know SHIT about infertility or miscarriages.” And I slammed the phone down.

    This whole incident shows us what Gert said is true: “certain topics will cause disagreements, … harmonious relationships depend on ‘not going there.'” ESPECIALLY when someone tells another person FOUR TIMES “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT.” – (Joan may have book smarts, but she is so f’ing dumb in other areas). And Gert continues on: “This is why Joan has caused so much trouble in the birth family,” – WHY WOULD SOMEONE KEEP TALKING ABOUT A SUBJECT AFTER SOMEONE HAS SAID THREE TIMES (nicely) NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT. So what was the result? Because of the gross disrespect, not just about the infertility or miscarriage issue, but THE GROSS DISRESPECT OF DISREGARDING THE WISHES OF THE PERSON JOAN IS TALKING TO (I don’t want to talk about it), JOAN CONTINUED TO SWEEP ME AND MY FEELINGS AND MY WISHES UNDER HER FEET TO THE POINT SHE GOT THE PHONE SLAMMED DOWN ON HER!

    And again and again, we see examples of this behavior in her book. She just lamblasts her way all over EVERYbody and then gets “stunned, surprised, shocked” (her words at various times in the book) that the other person has gotten angry with her. BECAUSE SHE DISRESPECTS AND BROWBEATS AND BULLIES PEOPLE IN PERSON, ON THE PHONE AND ON THE INTERNET!)

    Just two weeks ago, she was blabbing on and on against adoption and then tells a woman who had suffered multiple miscarriages to “seek grief counseling.”

    Yeah, Joan is “educated” all rightt. If she’s so dam smart, perhaps she has an answer as to why she’s really so stupid.

  2. Gert again…
    yes…JW knews everything…she is ALL KNOWING and ALL WISE…that is why, I think 1979 when my father and wife decided to ‘adopt’ her daughter, dad’s step-daughter…Joan went to dad’s wife and said to her…it is wrong for you, the mother, to GIVE AWAY your daughter. Joan got dad’s wife (my step-mother) so upset and when dad learned of it, he told Joan to stop butting in and causing trouble. but JW couldn’t understand what she did wrong…poor thing…

    then…in 1980/81, when I and my second husband began adoption procedures to adopt my son, Joan told us that we were DOING GRAVE HARM to my son. We told her to butt out, she didn’t like that, she said we DIDN’T LISTEN to her and because we, the parents, forbide JW to have contact with my minor children, because JW was interferring in our family and children, JW called 2 false child abuse reports on me to get even with me.

    So, yes, Joan doesn’t know that she doesn’t know anything…she is all wise and knowledgeable and she thinks NOTHING of going to other people and bullying them into submission. Well she maybe able to do that to some people but she did not do that to Dad and she didn’t do that to me. JW does NOT have a good record and we will continue to point that out to everyone.

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