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The rantings of Joan Wheeler after she is confronted by birthsibling (Ruth) on public discussion thread, April 2012, part one…

by on May 9, 2012

Because Joan Wheeler has so much to say against the birth siblings it does take me awhile to get to addressing everything…and even before one can finish the first of her rants she goes off again…she just keeps giving us so much information to work with…anyway..

When confronted with another’s view/opinion/truth Joan goes off like a roman-candle and ‘only’ addresses certain charges against her. She likes to confuse issues by showing her anger and rage and then the original view is lost. In this post I am examining the rants of Joan’s AFTER Ruth posted her views. It MUST be remembered that we MONITOR Joan’s activities because of her constant, and insistence, of telling lies about our family and our lives. She does NOT have the right to continue to do so. The full discussion can be see @ the following address. It also needs to be pointed out that this particular thread is STILL available for viewing, it was NOT taken down. The previous one, that was taken off the site, was one in which Joan said some remarks that were deemed hateful. But this thread, in which Joan DOES admit that she posted certain statements, and stands by them, still is available BECAUSE, the birthsiblings did indeed come on and show the true nature of Joan Wheeler, exposing her bullying and beating up of birth siblings (one of which is an adopted mother, me). It is my contention that this particular thread still is up, for viewings, so that people who see it, will also see the type of character Joan Wheeler is and how she actively goes out and beats people up.

After Ruth posted and I posted, then Joan’s alter (Pilgrim) posted and we have already shown that insanity already.

Again, I am not going to show every word of this rather long, angry rant, just enough to show my points.

This post of JW/HO is in direct response to some of the comments that Ruth posted. I am using the initials HO for halforphan and JW for Joan Wheeler.

(in response Ruth’s posts and comments about the photo on the back cover and JW/HO being a social worker who never worked and browbeating and insulting others)

 JW/HO says..Wrong. My adoptive parents were given this photograph when they adopted. The photo belongs to me…. My literary attorney okayed the book, the photo, for publication. I don’t need anyone’s permission, the photo was not copyrighted, …I owned the photo. Our father saw how the book cover looked, and none of the people were recognizable. You were children, not recognizable today.

 Gert here…As children, in the photo, we WERE and ARE recognizable, even today…and according to the publisher’s guidelines, if someone can RECOGNIZE themselves, that means, the author and the publisher, could be sued for libel. Once the publisher saw ALL evidence that the birthsiblings provided, they wanted NOTHING to do with the book and author. Our father NEVER KNEW what the cover of the book was going to be and he would NEVER have approved that his ENTIRE family be used that way. JW/HO is just bullshitting everyone! The last time my father saw a DRAFT of that book he was FURIOUS with her and told her that it ‘was best that they didn’t see each other’. I know this because my father TOLD ME. When Ruth first saw the book she went to Dad and he told her ‘it’s garbage throw it in the garbage’. Joan likes to talk and talk and she refuses to hear or acknowledge what is SAID to her.


JW/HO says…And, Dad put his photo in the newspaper in 1984, with his name and statements that he followed the law. Yes he did. He stayed away from my adoptive parents and me. But he outed himself back then, so he had no right to complain later when I wrote the book he, himself, read twice.

Gert here…IT IS NOT DAD that is complaining, it is the birth siblings! Like I said, he DID NOT know that the photo was being used on the book! Just because he ‘outed’ himself in 1984 has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that JW/HO exposed and exploited our family and ourselves, in that lying book, in which she STATES that names WERE CHANGED or she HAD PERMISSION. But, she did change/alter the names significantly because there is NO DOUBT as to what the families are that she is talking about; it’s HER LIFE and so she believes she CAN write whatever she wants about others, in HER LIFE. Again, the lack of ‘distancing’ the author from the people in the story, is in violation of the publisher’s guidelines to protect them from being sued for libel. My father DID NOT read the book twice, he saw a couple of DRAFTS, which is an entirely different thing. The last chapter (38) part of which he saw, in which HO/JW insulted my father’s heritage and religion, is what caused the FINAL AND PERMANENT contact with JW/HO and my father; something that JW/HO always glosses over.


JW/HO says…I am a social worker. I was working for several years and got sick from the stress my families put me through. So, does my state of disability take away from my degree? Or take away from the social work I do online? Or in published papers? Or in groups you aren’t aware of? Since when did you sisters become authorities on my life?

 Gert here…having a degree is one thing…having work experience is quite another! She refuses to name her employment history, as a social worker, if she did, tell where she worked as a social worker, that would help to end this point. People really DO need to know a social-worker’s background and creditials to be trusted and helpful. She doesn’t, tell us, because she NEVER worked as a social worker, period and therefore can not offer all the advise she does and mislead people as she does. If she got sick it was due to her own stresses and not from the birth family. She admits that it was the adoptive family that gave her all kinds of trouble. No, its all a fiction she fabricated because she had to prove that the birth family did this and that, to her. We the birth family have proven that JW/HO’s account is wrong. Doing social work online, as she states here, probably is the worst kind of thing because she can and does cause great havoc amongst unsuspecting people. Just looking at how she has browbeated and bullied pro-adoption people here and elsewhere PROVES that she is using her degree as a front to beat people up that don’t agree with her. That is not an ethical stand for any social worker and JW/HO could ran the risk for having ethics charges against her…any takers? Even in her book she details how in school for social work, her teachers told her she lacked many skills required for dealing with people and their problems, but, she dismisses all of those critics because…she knows best!

 Gert continues…From the book, JW/HO wrote, pages 348 to 358, detailing much from the years she was in college for the Social Work studies. These pages are very enlightening and shed a great deal on her abilities, lack of actually, for any kind of social work, both with people and their problems and the Code of Ethics that JW/HO doesn’t like, then and now. I’ll present only bits of this and remember these are direct quotes of JW/HO…and then you can decide if she is qualified enough to be doing ONLINE SOCIAL WORK.

*** “five years..were very desperate years…overwhelming depression, nothing to live for…uphill battle in every area…nothing consoled me…threw myself into studies, overdid it, killing myself for straight A’s…neglected my kids, shutting them out so I could write papers…meeting deadlines became more important than my children…needed to prove that I was good at something…determined to be a good social worker…pointed out in classes that the textbooks were one-sided, biased towards infertile adopting parents, while simply mentioning natural parent relinquishing and not acknowledging any long term effects…professors were put off by my observations as I challenged them…classmates told me I wasn’t open to the needs of clients…and other things…I raised issues in papers…textbooks addressed…I spoke out against…classmates misunderstood…arguments broke out…I was accused of not being understanding…I stood my ground…I saw bias, I pointed it out…classmates countered…as a student and an adoptee I suffered in silence and ridicule…***

 Gert continues…For seven more pages JW/HO details arugments at conferences and classrooms, very similar in nature to what she says on all internet sites..

***”I created a near-riot in one class…I was being attacked for addressing issues…just as my ignorant relatives lashed out at me, this classroom of social work students reacted to me as a person while not intellegently acknowledging the issues…lot of anger in the room, professor looked at me as if I spoke a different language…I kept talking on…someone asked what gave me authority to speak like this and I said ‘I’m an adoptee’…let me explain…I lived a life of hell…as a social worker student I have an ethical obligation to increase the knowledge base…clearly no one here in ‘backward Buffalo’ wants to hear…you need to think…anyone read …. silence…was marked as a troublemaker…only place I felt wanted was with other adoptees…frustated…I hadn’t learned the value of diplomacy…was constantly on the defensive…my classmates hadn’t learned to address the issues without attacking the messenger…became detached…had screaming rages, temper tantrums, acts of anger at my children…threw things, breaking them, ripping their pictures, with scissors cut a leather bracelet off my son’s wrist…was out of control…death and suicide cycled through me for years, anxiety attacks, confused…trapped, robbed of life, lived on welfare, on the edge barely existing…”***

So nothing has changed with her, she can’t work, she isn’t a social worker and the only place for her to rant and rave is on the internet…beware!

 Gert continues…JW/HO asks when did we sisters get authority over her. The answer is when she wrote the libelous book that exploits our family for fame and fortune! JW/HO calls her work…online social work! My answer to that statement is…is this what she calls it? The browbeating, insulting, condescending attitudes, the 100% anti-adoption position and platform that she proudly displays, while she condemns all who adopt? If she is a social worker doing online social work, then perhaps those of you who feel bullied and harassed by HO/JW ought to call your own local Social Worker’s organization and let them know someone is violating the ethics…online. This is false presentation of social work and people in the online communties do not have to be subjected to this kind of treatment.

JW/HO says…My sisters told my publisher that they did not know I was writing a book until it came out. No, they knew about it since 1976, when I was 20.

 Gert here…and we all thought she was a joke! Sure, write a book, who would buy it is what I thought. JW/HO seems to forget that I Gert was NOT in her life since 1981 after JW interferred in my parental rights and the adoption of my son. Then 10 years later, 1992, at a very brief family gathering JW caused more trouble because she didn’t like my religion and claimed my mental health was in jeopardy. Then in 1998, she writes me a letter and my answer to her was ‘I told you to get lost why are you writing to me?’ Then, in a brief phone call around 2005, where I wanted to make peace, she used that phone call as a claim of harassment by me to her. Count those times…4 times…in 40 years…It was NOT UNTIL January of 2010 did I know that the book was published in November 2009! Joan is a complete liar and fabricator. She has created an entirely false libelous STORY about me, my husband, my children and my friends, my religion and my life and WROTE about it. You damm right I’m going to expose everything she says.

 JW/HO says I had been interviewed for the book “A Time to Search” by Henry Ehrlich. He interviewed members of ALMA and wanted adoptees who were searching. When I told him I was found and then joined AMA (Adoptees Liberty Movement Association) in 1975, he told me that my story fell out of range for his parameters of searching adoptees from ALMA. That’s when I decided to write my own book. It took me over 30 years because one has to live life. And that’s what I did. There is more to my story than reunion. There is the exposure of my birth certificates and adoption reform.

 Gert here…this is not totally correct, in her book JW/HO states that the reason she wrote the book is BECAUSE when she WAS turned down, she decided TO SHOW THEM by writing her story…talk about megamania and self-importance. It took her 30 years because she had no MEANS of publishing it and it was NOT finished enough, during the years of ‘living a life’ to include all the garbage that she put into it. IF I had known that she was writing the book…I would NEVER had agreed to see her in 1992. For what she wrote is totally false and degrading to me, NOR would I have attempted to ‘make peace with her’ in 2005, for she used that phone call as a ‘form’ of harassment to her. And I also note that it is interesting what JW/HO does NOT put in the book…because she is so self-serving. In her book, that was pulled because it contains libelous materials, we find the following, on page 124. The year was 1976 not 75, and I’m quoting..

*** “the idea of being in a book excited me, but H..called me several weeks later with bad news…can’t use your story…reunion took place outside of the realm of ALMA…their registry…your sister found you…your story doesn’t fit in with the others…well, I thought, the nerve of him! So my story wasn’t good enough because I didn’t have a reunion through ALMA? I’ll show him! I’ll write my own book! My story was unique enough to stand on its own. That’s how the seed was planted in March 1976, two years into my reunion…didn’t know how to write a book, but this was an idea I wasn’t going to let go.”***

 She, JW/HO, can’t keep her ‘facts’ correct, see her massive ego, her blaming others… it is the ‘birthsister/family’s fault’ that she could not get in a book by ALMA, this is the beginning of the hate-campaign against us because we prevented her from being in a book! And her true feelings about adoption organizations are shown in this statement. This is how she really feels about adoption organizations that she promotes. And if there is more to JW/HO’s story than reunion, could she please explain why she spend so much of the book making up stories and lies about everyone in the birth family? Including making up bizarre encounters that never happened, letters that were never written, phone calls that were never made and EXcluding all of her own nasty hateful deeds that she did to the family.

 JW/HO says My sister Ruthie, here, keeps butting into my life. I have said repeatedly, over the course of three decades, that I want no further contact with her, or any of the other sisters. Why? Because they have hurt me, my husband, my children, my adoptive mother.

 Gert here…If this statement is TRUE, then why has JW/HO been so vocal about our lives everywhere on the internet? Are we do be silent while she trashes us everywhere? I think not. And why has JW/HO written blogs against us, and most recently why has she COME to my blog and LEAVE a comment? JW/HO wants us in her life…this way she has something to bitch about. The only thing that pisses her off is that we will not be silent!

 JW/HO saysRuthie does not have my story straight because she was not privy to my adoptive family.

Gert here…JW/HO does NOT have MY story or Ruth’s story or any one else’s story straight for she was NOT privy to all the thoughts, thinking and motives that she WROTE AND SAYS that everyone in the birth family, in particular the birthsiblings, were thinking and doing. This is WHY the book is libelous and full of lies. She does not get the right to make up lies about anyone’s life.

 JW/HO says My adoptive mother said to me that my adoptive father’s sister approached my natural father at my natural mother’s funeral and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.” She was talking about her brother who became my adoptive father. Ruthie still talks about our mother’s sister. I was not part of that family growing up, so I don’t know what my natural mother’s sister said or did.Our father told me in private that the priest came up to him at the funeral. I can only go by what he said to me. If that is not what the others were told, I have no way of knowing what they were told. My book is about HOW I came to the truth about MY life.

 Gert here…This is an example of how HO/JW continues to repeat the lie! Her adoptive mother was afraid of losing her and told her all kinds of nonsense, and this stupid idiot, thinks that by repeating and repeating them, she is telling the truth. This is WHAT we are talking about here. She does NOT have the truth. Here HO/JW says that she ‘was not part of that family growing up’…so WHY does she repeat hearsay? Can’t she just say that she doesn’t know? Whatever the birth parent said to HO/JW or not, the bottom line is IF she ‘has no way of knowing’ why is she talking and talking and talking? She is an asshole. Everytime she tries to make herself be right, she just digs the hole deeper…give it up! Her book can NOT be the truth as it came to her, when she includes people and events that she CREATED. The truth that she is talking about her, is her mind’s view, NOT REALITY and TRUTH.

JW/HO says I am not lying about anything in my life, here, or in my book. I didn’t use their real names, they outed themselves online. My older sisters have been putting me down since they found me. They never wanted me to read about adoption, go to conferences, write about adoption; telling me that I need to stop living in the past. Three against one. I am sick and tired of being stalked, harassed, belittled, and now my personal and professional reputation is being attacked by these meddlers.My adoptive family did the same thing.

 Gert here…No this is wrong…we have already proved that. JW/HO outed us in print and on the internet long before the book was published! She did publish our family names and places of birth and living. It is just JW/HO’s impression that we ‘put her down’; it was her that would not listen when everyone told her about personal boundaries and about sacred ties. She violated my parental authority with my minor children and then she has the gall to write a book about how I was abusive to her and my children! Excuse me!! And no I didn’t and don’t care about adoption as she does, just like she does care about things that interest me. She has to always to be center of the universe. Grow up. This ‘three against one’ is totally in her mind…if she is paranoid that is NOT my problem. If she is so sick and tired then why did she NOT THINK about the consequences of writing a lying book.

JW/HO says Everyone wants to tell the sick, perverted, angry, maniac adoptee, who is a lying thief, that she must behave and know her place. I am the baby of our natural family and they make me feel like the baby every moment since they found me in 1974. I don’t know how to spell my name at birth and it is now six months later? Shame on me. I don’t know the family history and it is now three years into reunion?

 Gert here…Well if the shoe fits!! I don’t know where she gets this stupid idea that we WANT or WANTED her to be baby. I had my own children LONG before I knew JW/HO and I haven’t had anything to do with babies or children in over 30 years. This broad is stuck on certain words/phrases that have no bases in reality…it’s just a figment of her mind, how she sees things. Do you see the frustration coming out here, even after all these years? Because the birthsibling spoke up? If the birth family were such monsters, why, please tell me why, MUST she write about us, always? If she would shut her mouth and pretend we DON’T exist then maybe her mind would be at peace!

JW/HO says Shame on me. I am living in the past because I go to adoption conferences or read books written by adoptees or natural mothers or adoption therapists?

Gert here…And in her frustration of not being able to keep the birth siblings silent she reverts backwards and relives what she should have gotten over decades ago. If was NOT the birth sibling who wrote a lying book about her…it WAS her, JW/HO who wrote a lying book about us and we are not going to be silenced.

JW/HO says No, I am continually learning about the institution of adoption that ruined my life. I am the adopted one. No one wanted to read the books I suggested. No one wanted to go to conferences and come together to understand each other. The only two people who really understood anything was my natural father in his last years (because he read my book manuscript twice and had his own pieces to add to the narrative) and my adoptive mother (who sadly admitted she regretted not giving birth) Mom did not, however, ever apologize for preventing me from knowing I had siblings. She still believed until her dying breath that adoptees should never be told the truth. It is this possessive attitude in adoptive parents that is destructive to their relationship with their adoptee.

 Gert here…if this woman wants to continue to believe that adoption ruined her life instead of knowing and realizing that it was actually HERSELF that ruined her life, she will continue on with all this pain and suffering. She is NOT the only person who did not have parents, either one set or two sets, that did not mean our expections. She really needs to accept her lot in life.

She also lies here; her adoptive mother never read the book, so JW/HO says in the book, and my father never had anything written for it; he thought it was garbage! So, to this day this person is bullshitting herself and others. And of course JW/HO was a perfect little girl and never gave her adoptive parents any problems! Sure… we shall see more of this meltdown in another post…

end part one… to be continued

JW leaves little digs aimed at me, precisely to get me to respond, which I won’t do because I see how she treats people. I’m quiet for a reason-she doesn’t figure in my life. Full stop. I’m damned if I speak, and I’m damned if I don’t- I’d rather not waste my energy on her machinations.

  • Gert here…
    Right…no matter any of us do, one way or the other, we will always be wrong.
    And we will also be spoken of in the plural…not individually but collectively…
    holy cow, Batman…there goes the ‘holy trinity’….those sisters are also three in one…
    isn’t there some kind of lubricate called ‘three in one’ ?

    and there more to this thread coming…
    and of course JW has more and more to say…
    it never stops…but one day…she will piss off the wrong person and I want to see her sweat.

  1. JW leaves little digs aimed at me, precisely to get me to respond, which I won’t do because I see how she treats people. I’m quiet for a reason-she doesn’t figure in my life. Full stop. I’m damned if I speak, and I’m damned if I don’t- I’d rather not waste my energy on her machinations.

  2. Gert here…
    Right…no matter any of us do, one way or the other, we will always be wrong.
    And we will also be spoken of in the plural…not individually but collectively…
    holy cow, Batman…there goes the ‘holy trinity’….those sisters are also three in one…
    isn’t there some kind of lubricate called ‘three in one’ ?

    and there more to this thread coming…
    and of course JW has more and more to say…
    it never stops…but one day…she will piss off the wrong person and I want to see her sweat.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. May is national mental health month and boy have we been busy!! « Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family –
  2. Dumb-ass sisters and their delusions…is how Joan Wheeler describes her birth sisters on an adoptee site! « Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor

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