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Joan Wheeler attacks again on a thread…with her revisionist account of my family.

by on May 10, 2012

with added materials…May 11,

On a thread, where she spoke disrespectful of my parents and both Ruth and I spoke up, HO/JW (halforphan/joan wheeler) speaks her shit again. While I’m still working on part two of the last rant of JW’s I saw her disrespect our parents and drag them in the mud again…so I said something. I’m only going to post a small section of what I said for it all can be see on line, but I again here, show JW/HO and her alter-ego Pilgrim along with my comments.  topic  All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?

This is my second response HO, where I demand answers….

I am using HO for halforphan and JW for her real name…

If I said I was adopted, sorry, I am an adoptive mother, who adopted her son, to HO that is a crime, but why is it that HO does NOT answer to what I said, that she interferred in the adoption process of my son and violated my rights to privacy and parental decisions. HO answer why DID you DO that to me? Why don’t you ever TAKE responsibility for the dirty deeds to did to your sisters? I have left you along since 1981 UNTIL you wrote a libelous book telling all manner of lies…own up to it, and it was YOU who came to my blog and left comments…why don’t you ADMIT that it is you who keeps this up…because you will NOT stop talking and lying about us….

In the book she wrote on page 355 JW says…’social workers have a ethical responsibility to promote a client’s right to self-determination’ and quotes from the National Association of Social Workers’ Code of Ethics…’Social workers should not participate in, condone, or be associated with dishonesty, fraud, or deception’ and footnotes it as #17 Why does SHE NOT live by those ethics? Why does she think she can exploit my family so that she can continue to browbeat others into NOT adopting?

anything else i have to say about her non-issues will be addressed on my blog’ I do have a right to be on this site and comment because I adopted! and I am not telling lies about

Immediately HO responses…(what follows are my comments to her, but they were NOT placed on that thread, only here on my blog post about it.
HO says…am tired of my older sisters stalking me and harassing me. Please note that after any comment I make, it is followed by an attack from one or both of my sisters.


Gert says …then stop talking about us and our parents…no we are not stalking and harassing but MONITORING what you say about us and our parents…that is a huge difference…for you are very disrespectful about your birth parents, which are my parents. If you make a comment that exploits, in any manner, our parents, ourselves or our family we shall speak up. It is only an attack because you SEE it as such…is that a guilty conscious speaking? or is that your massive ego?


HO saysThis latest comment was merely copied and pasted, except for the lines “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, from another thread she posted on after she found me there


Gert says..why should I waste my time writing the same thing over and over again…you speak falsehoods and a simple statements of facts is enough to alert people to question your position. It is only you that seems to have a great need in speaking on and on, endlessly. And all you can say is to point out the sentence that was NOT a copy and paste. Have you NO comment about the sentence? No, well that indicates that the sentence must have some validness to it or you would certainly say more, as you usually do when it comes to your lies and impressions. Have you never notice, Joan, how whenever we sisters openly point to a tasteless act of yours you just dismiss it openly and with hostility? Very telling behavior for those that notice such things.


HO says I would like to bring this hostile, confrontational behavior to the attention of the moderators of this blog. I declare publicly that am not the poster called Pilgrim.


Gert statement is not hostile nor confrontational…it is, such to you, because you do not want to answer to your wrong doings; you see any comment from those that you have harmed, the birth siblings, as hostile and confrontational. And this behavior pattern, of yours, is a sign of a guilty conscious. I will say that it would be nice IF you did answer to the charges against you instead of side-stepping things and stop being such an asshole; you really are not fooling many people, but actually making more enemies.


HO says I am a social worker and an adoptee. I challenge my sisters to present their credentials. I also state that the poster called “eldersibling” is lying when she states she is an “adopted mother”. She was never adopted by anyone.


Gert says I don’t need to be a social worker to express my views nor to tell about your dirty deeds. There you go again…challenging; someday some one IS going to take you up on it and I want to see you sweat! I do not have to answer to you, in any way, to express my opinions on this site, for I do have the life-experience of adoption in my life, that meets the parameters of this site. And I can point out the experiences I have had with you in my life and people are watching that! Pointing out the slight typo of adopted instead of adoptive is only pointing to your great ability to side-step an issue, put blame on others, hoping the charge against you will be forgotten. That typo corrected itself within the body and context of my comment…anyone would be able to understand. It is only you and your guilty conscious that wants to CHALLENGE me, your sister, who dared speak about your dirty deeds!


HO says What she says about me and our stepmother is wrong. Our step mother came to me, crying, because she had to sign relinquishment papers for her husband, our father, to adopt her younger daughter, not the other way around.


Gert says..Let’s not forget that the step-daughter in question WANTED my father to adopt her, it was her decision and her mother agreed…this is fact, regardless of what HO believes or thinks…I had gotten that information from the adoptee, the birth mother and the adoptive father. And the same goes for my own son and his step-father.

But…let’s take a look at her own book shall we…pg 157…’sept 1977…stepmother…told me some rather unusual news…said her younger daughter wanted my father to adopt her…this came as quite a shock (Gert here…for whom HO?)…she said she would have to sign papers giving up her legal right…so Dad could adopt…I didn’t think this was correct procedure…maybe she signed giving permission…didn’t seem right that a divorced and remarried mother would have to relinquish…so that her husband…become legal father…would she lose all her parental rights…we were both so upset that we cried…Dad heard that I was upset…he yelled at me…said, she wanted a real father…I fill that role and love her, like I do my own…doesn’t have anything to do with you…he didn’t attempt to explain or reassure me…was just supposed to accept his view and swallow my feelings…this burned a hole in my soul…he gave me up and 21 years later he adopted another…(birth sisters) wouldn’t let me hear the end of it…saying…you are so hung up on adoption, its no big deal, get over it…’ (Gert here, so which version is correct, the online version or the book version?)


HO says ..This has been the problem since my sisters found me in 1974. They twist stories, make things up, gang together, and attack me.


Gert says …sorry that is not correct…I have had 4 contacts with you BEFORE you wrote a libelous book…I don’t twist stories, that is what you do, we do not gang together and attack you…are you paranoid or something? Did you NOT READ the book you wrote? Can’t you remember how you attacked me and my family in 1980/81, or in 1992 after you had a nice ‘sweet’ visit at a park with family and then at Ruth’s kitchen table. But you didn’t wait long before you caused trouble, don’t you remember…you wrote about it fool. Oh I forgot…that was from YOUR point of view…guess I must have missed all that then when I BELIEVED that you said you were GLAD and PLEASED to have your elder sister, me, in your life in 1992, for that is WHAT you said to me, as I met your children for the first time, but you must have forgotten all that. And what about that letter you wrote me in 1998 wanting to alert me to some ‘trouble’ and how ‘loving’ you were. We put that letter and the letter I wrote back to you on our blog so that everyone can see how loving you really are. If I remember my answer to you was something like ‘I told you to get lost in 1992 after you caused trouble over my religion, how come in 1998 you are STILL around? Get lost!’ But you didn’t did you? We have the letters that YOU wrote NOT us. You also confuse Gert (me) with Kathy and Ruth. I have NOT been in your life, except for 4 contacts, since 1981. Kathy has had NO contacts with you since about 1995 after you and Hoksbergen berated her and tried to extort money from her. The only sister that was around you was Ruth…so STOP SAYING SISTERS IN THE PLURAL, we were NOT all there at all times; we are not the holy trinity.


HO says I have made it clear I want nothing more to do with them. No attempts were made by “eldersister” to reconcile with me. I will not fall for anything they say, as when I did in the past, they turned on me again.


Gert says…If you want nothing to do with us then why do you keep talking about OUR PARENTS and OUR FAMILY? No attempts at reconciliation? I remember going to a mediation center in Buffalo around 1981/82; when they called you to set up the appointment you said ‘go to hell’…the next time was in 1992, a family gathering, don’t you remember you WROTE about it in your book! Oh I forget that was FROM your point of view, so sorry! But the fact is that visit was indeed my attempt to reconcile, but you just had to cause trouble, over my religion, going to Dad telling him my ‘mental health was in jeopardy because of my religion’ and you got kicked out of Dad’s house. And then there was the phone call in 2004 or 05 when Dad was so ill and you told me all about your life at that time and how you were a Unitarian. Forget that one too? Right, you wrote about that, in your book, saying I only called you to ‘get information’. What a selective memory you have. Sure, why would you ‘fall for anything we say’, you never did in the first place! What a fool you are, you wrote all about these things, from your point of view, as you lived them, and now you CAN’T back away from those words!


HO says Their statements about me are wrong, as they have been for the past 38 years (after they found me). I suspect that during my childhood before they found me that these sisters had been gossiping about me behind my back. Keep in mind I had absolutely no knowledge that they ever existed because my adoptive parents never wanted me to know the truth.


Gert says ..right the great and wonderful wizard of Joan Wheeler/Halforphan knows all and how dare ANYONE have a different view of anything and be so contrary to the wise Joan. You are sounding just like you did on your other great masterpiece, the cyberbulling page against us; that’s a sign of the beginnings of a meltdown…where are your meds. Right, that’s all we did was ‘gossip’ about you behind your back…asshole…we DIDN’T KNOW about you to gossip about you. I love your phrase ‘keep in mind’ you do that when you feel threaten, it’s in all your writings, fool. This is your way of pointing out that you were an innocent who was destroyed by those mean nasty big birth sisters BECAUSE your adoptive mother never wanted you to know about us…because she told you, when you were little, that we were these big bad wolves! So the only reason that 3 sisters and 1 brother had in mind was to gossip about you, someone we never saw, and think of ways to harm you! Right, okay, your right!


HO says I have been hunted down all of my life. Nothing I have said on any thread in this website, or any other website, has been lying, or threatening, or naming them. They, however, come here, list my initials, thus leading to my real identity. If I wanted to use my real name here, I would do just that.


Gert says…  Liar you have not been hunted down! I have wanted NOTHING from you, it has only been since you wrote that book that brought me back into the picture, and not in your life, I don’t want a thing about your miserable life. Oh, but you are so wrong here, you are so very disrespectful to OUR PARENTS and OUR FAMILY and that is the issue as to why we are here on this thread about what you have said. Oh touchy are we, now! We are using your REAL initials, thus leading to my real identity. Don’t you have your book listed on your profile? Don’t you have your web site listed on your profile? Can’t you get your facts straight? You can’t hide behind your own stupidity! People are watching! You can out us; we can out you.


HO saysThe only thing I ask is for them to leave me alone. I wish them no harm even though they continually attempt to do me harm in one way or another.

Gert says Then why did you write the book? Why are you talking about MY family if you mean us no harm! You have NOT left us alone, you keep talking about us! You do wish us harm. This entire comment is an update of everything you have ever said about us when we ATTEMPT to get you to account for the nasty dirty deeds you have done to us. When cornered YOU attack us.

HO says Many adoptees who post here do so because of the negative experiences we have had. Because we have had “bad experiences” should not be a cause to dismiss what we say. It is a warning.


Gert says… on this particular thread, there was NOTHING to do with negative experiences…it had to do with birth mothers being on drugs and/or being criminals. It was HO who brought OUR FAMILY on to this thread and told unnecessary information, which brought Ruth and Gert to complain. I do believe that HO is protesting too much! and doesn’t remember the topic at hand because she is only concerned with shutting up the birth sisters and their complains against her.


HO says These comments do not come from textbooks. They come from those who have lived adoption. Before considering seriously adopting, you have you before your eyes one of many possible implications of adoption by observing the interaction between my sisters and myself. NOTE: I have NO contact with them in real life at all. They have been told to stay away from me for many decades and they still harass me with the intent to harm me.


Gert says… as an adoptive mother, I have LIVED ADOPTION, and I have lived through the negative experiences of the damage done to my family by HO and her meddling in my family. There is NO interaction between us, HO, you falter yourself. What there is here is truth-telling, it was you HO that wrote a lying book, who still is telling disrespectful things about our parents. Harm you? You are harming yourself, each and everytime you show the world HOW you treat your birthsiblings when they ASK you to account for the dirty deeds you have done. Fool!
HO says Since this thread was a put-down on birthmothers (All Birth Mothers on Drugs and with Criminal Records?) I decided to let you know that not all mothers who lose their infants and children to adoption are drug addicts and criminals. I cringe with this accusation as my mother died. I am insulted by the assumptions here at this website. You pre-adoptive and adoptive parents have such low esteem for the parents of your adoptees. THAT I find disturbing. It was not my mother who relinquished me, but my father, and he was not at all a drug addict, nor a criminal. My parents were married for 10 years.




HO says Now, for anyone out there who still believes what my eldest sister says: “I find it disgusting that on a public thread she would repeat these lies about MY PARENTS….all she is doing is EXPLOITING my parents and this is not right!”, I challenge you to find what I have said to be exploitive.


Gert says ..I believe I JUST DID, fool! You really are brain dead! Do you really believe that people are incapable of seeing through you? Fool! The continued disrespect that you pay to OUR PARENTS is exploiting them so that YOU can prove YOUR assertion that adoption is harmful. That is ONLY YOUR position and it is DISRESPECTFUL to MY PARENTS. You want to present yourself as a social worker on MY PARENTS backs…that’s exploitation!
HO says Obviously, my sisters have been deeply affected by the death of our mother and my relinquishment to adoption and whatever happened in their childhoods.


Gert says ..Right, obviously another one of your words, we have been affected, by our mother’s death, but your adoption means nothing to us, that is totally in your head and in your self-importance. Your intimation here ‘whatever happened in their childhoods’ is also in your head and I know what you are getting at, little girl! You want to threathen us with ‘secrets’…go ahead…tell this thread what you think you ‘have over my our heads that we don’t want the world to know’. You did that on the Huffington Post and got kicked off…do it again and see my lawyer at your door! People are watching you little girl!

HO says They drew me into their lives and used my naivety (I was a teenager of 18 when they contacted me) against me. They never wanted me to learn about adoption and put me down when I did. I am the adopted one, they grew up together. They defend adoption, yet that is what tore our family apart, and that is what tore my adoptive family apart when the truth was told, against the wishes of my adoptive parents who never wanted me to know the truth. So, by my sisters defending adoption, they are accepting the very institution that caused so much havoc in our lives.


Gert says.. Bullshit, knock off the naivety shit! I was 18 once too and was a married mother of one and a year later with two…if you weren’t grown up enough at 18 that’s no excuse, asshole. You really do have a love issue with yourself don’t you? To believe that we, siblings, had this big conspiracy against you, sure, we had it all planned out, to use your naivety against you to harm you…you stupid fool! You are the ADOPTED ONE, what is that, some kind of super hero! Get this straight, little girl, you and only you tore our families apart. Adoption did NOT tear our family apart, the DEATH OF OUR MOTHER DID, YOU FOOL.


HO saysReunions are both good and bad. Readers here do not know my relationships with other relatives or who I am as a person. You don’t know my adoptive parents, nor do you know what my life as an adoptee has been like. When adoptees search, they do so for similar reasons “normal” people go on Ancestry do com. For adoptees, no, we are not supposed to know, and when we do, we are the troublemakers. There are plenty of stereotypes of adoptees out there. We who come here, do so to speak for the little adoptees who cannot speak for themselves.


Gert says…propaganda…nothing here worth anything


HO says So, people on this website feel attacked by me? Then by all means, message me and talk with me. None of you have done that. But go to the older sisters who hunt me down, yes, listen to them, they are the older ones who know better than I do. Listen to what they say about me. If you read their comments, you’ll see that in reality, their sole purpose is to attack me rather than making any meaningful comment concerning adoption itself.


Gert says..And do you really believe that they will contact you HO? Talk to you, sure, you will talk to them, just like you are talking to your birthsibling, blood relatives. You have no respect for blood relatives, or your adoptive relatives so what would make strangers feel that they would be safe talking with you? Your use of mockery here is not being wasted, you have done this type of thing in the past, you really ought to get some new material because this old stuff is so worn out.


HO says I would simply ask the moderators to closely examine the comments made by “eldersister” (and the other sister, “birthsibling” on other threads) and decide whether this is the kind of discussion they in fact wish to promote. Posted by halforphan56 on May 09, 2012 at 12:27am

Gert says all means let’s have the moderators examine these comments and when this thread is still up and viewed, as the others are, then we shall know what the moderators think. Then we hear from Ruth….

Ruth says…I have not spoken anything but the truth. As an infertile woman, who once considered adopting, and beng “touched by adoption” – my youngest sibling was relinquished to adoption – and having been in an “adoption reunion” – I have every right to be at this website. I have every right to learn by being here – because my youngest sibling keeps saying I am ignorant of some things. However, if I find an untruth or misrepresentation of me or my family, do I not have the right to speak up with the truth?
My youngest sibling blithely puts out hurtful stories of my family -such as this: “It took me years to figure out why she said that to me. Turns out, my extended adoptive family heard rumors that my natural father killed my mother, and other sordid tales. The truth is that my father did not kill my mother; he did not want her to suffer any more so he said no to experimental cancer treatment (1956).”
Jesus, it happened 56 years ago – LET IT GO and give the whole family some peace. It hurts to see these old family resentments and accusations of killing and such repeated all over the internet. This is what eldestbirthsibling meant that it is disgusting. Because it is. All that needs to be said is: My mother died of cancer three months after I was born. My father could not take care of 5 little kids, and gave me up for adoption. My adoptive parents and other adoptive relatives told me gossip about my birth family. When I was 18, my birth siblings found me and we had a reunion. While discovering my birthfamily, I became aware of some personal resentments towards my birthfather by my uncles.  For various personal reasons, my reunion with my birthsisters and other birthfamily members, turned sour.” WHY must old hurtful gossipy, UNTRUE stories about my mother be forever dragged all over the internet? WHY must lies be told about ME all over the place?  Lies are being replaced with truth. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less. Posted by Birth Sibling on May 09, 2012 at 9:37am – Edit Reply

Pilgrim who says..What’s disgusting is the sociopathic ranting and raving by Birth Sibling, but more esecially by eldestbirthsibling. And I happen to know for a fact, eldestbirthsibling, that indeed you ARE telling lies about halforphan, who you continue to call HO. She has NEVER exploited your family. If writing a memoir about HER life is somehow exploiting you or your family, then every memoir ever written is exploitive. It’s not halforphan who’s draging this so called “sad family situation” through the mud over and over. It’s the relentless attacks on her by you two. Halforphan is a social worker. She can present her credentials to anyone who’s interested.So let’s hear all about YOURS! And it’s YOU who’s keeping this feud going, NOT HER! Stop with the attacks and it’ll settle down. Despite what you think, I am not Halforphan. And whether or not you realize it, you two are giving everyone here a truely realistic view of what, unfortunately, the real consequence of aoption so often is. Makes you think twice about it, doesn’t it? Posted by Pilgrim1003 on May 09, 2012 at 8:27pm

Gert says… right sure thing Pilgrim you are NOT halforphan HO; I see you have yet to provide proper ID to that, but no matter because anyone with brains can see that you are indeed one and the same. Your well-placed assessments, of what is disgusting and sociopatic ranting and raving, only adds to the fact that you are HO. As is everything else you say here…you are fooling no one..multiple personalities are alive and well in HO/JW.

Another says  why can’t we stay with the original posting? why does this disfunctional family keep breaking in to everyone’s sincere postings? I just find it hard to believe that this site is the appropriate place for this bantering. I can’t see how this is related to a question about birth mothers being on drugs or having a record.  UGH Posted by comotoi on May 09, 2012 at 8:31pm

Pilgrim says I totally agree with you, comotoi. If you’ll read through the comments, I think you’ll find that halforphan is trying to make an honest contribution. I would ask who it is who’s bringing the bantering to this thread. The only reason I post here is because I know that halforphan is NOT what the others claim. Someone has to stand up for the truth, and, as a friend of halforphan’s, I’m just tired of the constant assaults on her and the lies about her. Her two sisters, who have no credentials in social work, have followed her on the internet not only here, but EVERYWHERE she posts, with the sole purpose of discrediting her. They contribute virtually NOTHING worthwhile to any discussion in which they take part. If you need proof, just read their postings here. So, whenever I find someplace they post, I’ll be there, not to disrupt the thread, but to counteract the malice of her sisters. Posted by Pilgrim1003 on May 09, 2012 at 9:01pm

Gert says…Like I said, sure thing Pilgrim/HO…you are one and the same…same words, same language, same propaganda, same, same, same!

Now we hear from Ruth….

Ruth says…everytime I want to leave, halforphan starts more nonsense. oh well -halforphan wants to put forth her social work credentials, but still does not name employers. So – From her book, in her own words, she talks about her schooling 1994-1995:

*** “five years..were very desperate years…overwhelming depression, nothing to live for…uphill battle in every area…nothing consoled me…threw myself into studies, overdid it, killing myself for straight A’s…neglected my kids, shutting them out so I could write papers…meeting deadlines became more important than my children…needed to prove that I was good at something…determined to be a good social worker…pointed out in classes that the textbooks were one-sided, biased towards infertile adopting parents, while simply mentioning natural parent relinquishing and not acknowledging any long term effects…professors were put off by my observations as I challenged them…classmates told me I wasn’t open to the needs of clients…and other things…I raised issues in papers…textbooks addressed…I spoke out against…classmates misunderstood…arguments broke out…I was accused of not being understanding…I stood my ground…I saw bias, I pointed it out…classmates countered…as a student and an adoptee I suffered in silence and ridicule…***

…For seven more pages JW/HO details arugments at conferences and classrooms, very similar in nature to what she says on all internet sites..

***”I created a near-riot in one class…I was being attacked for addressing issues…just as my ignorant relatives lashed out at me, this classroom of social work students reacted to me as a person while not intellegently acknowledging the issues…lot of anger in the room, professor looked at me as if I spoke a different language…I kept talking on…someone asked what gave me authority to speak like this and I said ‘I’m an adoptee’…let me explain…I lived a life of hell…as a social worker student I have an ethical obligation to increase the knowledge base…clearly no one here in ‘backward Buffalo’ wants to hear…you need to think…anyone read …. silence…was marked as a troublemaker…only place I felt wanted was with other adoptees…frustated…I hadn’t learned the value of diplomacy…was constantly on the defensive…my classmates hadn’t learned to address the issues without attacking the messenger…became detached…had screaming rages, temper tantrums, acts of anger at my children…threw things, breaking them, ripping their pictures, with scissors cut a leather bracelet off my son’s wrist…was out of control…death and suicide cycled through me for years, anxiety attacks, confused…trapped, robbed of life, lived on welfare, on the edge barely existing…”***

So – do you want to take advice from someone who admits to creating a near riot in a classroom, abuses her own children (she admits to setting her kids toys and baby photos on fire in the middle of the living room – IN FRONT OF HER CHILDREN).  And what stresses were WE putting HER thru 1994-1999? My older sisters were not in Buffalo – nowhere near her. Me? I was being put through stress because of HO56 beginning way back in 1990 when she stole hundreds of dollars from me, reneged on her promise to repay me, tried to break me and my fiance up, forged a letter pretending to be her own 10 year old son, mailed it to my fiance, but addressed the envelope to me, baited me into phoning her, hung up on me three times when I did call her, falsely reported me to the phone company and the police that I was making annoyance calls to her, then charged me with harassment and she was given a six-month order of protection against me. Then the following year, she called my job repeatedly, accusing me of computer hacking, called them everyday for six months trying to get me fired, then she called child abuse on herself giving out my name and saying that my fiance abused her kids. Then she wrote to Albany, NY and told them I was on probation – then she wrote to the mayor of Buffalo and lied to him about all this stuff, AND gave him my private details of my life and medical history of not being able to get pregnant.Then in 1999, you send me a letter that my fiance got the next door neighbor pregnant. And sent him letters via his mother’s house, telling him to break up with me. And I have documentation to prove all this: actual court documents and halforphan’s own handwritten letters – are posted on my blog.

BUT the real reason halforphan hates me is because I am infertile, like her adoptive mother. I bristled at her hate towards the infertile woman who had a miscarriage a few weeks ago – because Joan did the same thing to me. Joan in her “infinite wisdom” proceeded to lecture me about infertility, AFTER my miscarriage in 1985. This came about in April 1987, after she returned from an adoption conference in Philadelphia. By 1987, I was still having problems dealing with the loss of my son. Yes, I was only 6 weeks pregnant, but in my heart and soul, I knew it was a boy.

I had made plans to see a grief counselor and an appointment was set for a few weeks later in June. So during this phone conversation in April, HO is telling me about the conference and there were people there talking about infertility. I immediately said, “J., I don’t want to talk about this.” But did she listen? NO! She continued, telling me there were some women there who had miscarriages. I said again, “J. I don’t want to talk about this.” But she kept on. I said again, “J.,I don’t want to talk about this.” Then she says that she learned a lot and then comes out with this brilliant statement:’ “I know more about infertility than you think I do.”

That is when I lost it and said to her, “J., I said I don’t want to talk about this. I have an appointment with a grief counselor and I don’t want to talk about this until I see the counselor. You don’t know ANYthing about infertility because YOU HAVE TWO CHILDREN. You don’t know SHIT about infertility or miscarriages.” And I slammed the phone down.

This whole incident shows us what my oldest sister said is true: “certain topics will cause disagreements, … harmonious relationships depend on ‘not going there.’” ESPECIALLY when someone tells another person FOUR TIMES “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT.” – (J. may have book smarts, but she is so f’ing dumb in other areas). This is why J. has caused so much trouble in the birth family,” – WHY WOULD SOMEONE KEEP TALKING ABOUT A SUBJECT AFTER SOMEONE HAS SAID THREE TIMES (nicely) NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT. So what was the result? Because of the gross disrespect, not just about the infertility or miscarriage issue, but THE GROSS DISRESPECT OF DISREGARDING THE WISHES OF THE PERSON J. IS TALKING TO (I don’t want to talk about it), J. CONTINUED TO SWEEP ME AND MY FEELINGS AND MY WISHES UNDER HER FEET TO THE POINT SHE GOT THE PHONE SLAMMED DOWN ON HER!

And again and again, we see examples of this behavior in her book. She just lamblasts her way all over EVERYbody and then gets “stunned, surprised, shocked” (her words at various times in the book) that the other person has gotten angry with her. BECAUSE SHE DISRESPECTS AND BROWBEATS AND BULLIES PEOPLE IN PERSON, ON THE PHONE AND ON THE INTERNET!) – She admits to raging at her own children – yet wants everyone to believe that she is an objective social worker? What social worker keeps on harping to an infertile woman about her miscarriage, and more than 10 years later, is reprimanded while getting her social work “degree” that she is insensitive (duh) and then is proud of herself for BEING insensitive by writing about it in her book!

On another point halforphan says: My adoptive mother said to me that my adoptive father’s sister approached my natural father at my natural mother’s funeral and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.” She was talking about her brother who became my adoptive father. Ruthie still talks about our mother’s sister. I was not part of that family growing up, so I don’t know what my natural mother’s sister said or did.

Well, she was told in later years what exactly happened, and yes, I still talk about my aunt, who happened to be in the hospital giving birth to her last child in March 1956, in another part of the same hospital where her sister, my mother was dying. Yeah,  she was her sister – so she would know what was going on. And with her brothers. And her childhood friend who happened to be the sister of halforphan’s adoptive father. So how did halforphan get all this info about my uncles? FROM HER ADOPTIVE MOTHER- WHO WAS NOT AROUND US. Didn’t halforphan just say “I was not part of that family growing up, so I don’t know what my (aunt) said or did.”? So how did her adoptive mother find out? From her sister in law, my aunt’s childhood friend. Then these “wild rumors” of my uncles saying my father killed my mother are told to halforphan, and then she disrespectfully repeats these lying rumors YEARS AFTER SHE HAD BEEN TOLD BY MY FATHER, AND MY AUNT HERSELF (she lived to 1988) the TRUTH about what happened. WHY must halforphan keep repeating these hateful rumors? WHAT do they have to do with the topic of this thread – which is about birthmoms having (or not having) criminal records and using drugs? WHY does halforphan post here old lying hurtful rumors about my uncles on this thread? Were my uncles pregnant? Were my uncles birthmothers? Did my uncles give my birth?

Then when my sister and I come and ask that halforphan stop dragging our family’s business thru the mud, halforphan attacks us. And this Pilgrim, who in reality halforphan herself, and we know her style of writing, certain phrases, so we can tell this is just one person, but anyway, Pilgrim only posted here to attack us. What business does Pilgrim have on this site? Only to come and attack us. Posted by Birth Sibling on May 10, 2012 at 4:25am –

PS…this thread is still up for viewing and further comments, developments will be posted on this blog

updated materials…May 11

After Ruth’s post, Pilgrim had to show up…twice…


Here she is again. Halforphan is trying to respond in a rational manner, and who shows up immediately after? Yup. It’s Birthsibling again. And is she making a meaningful contribution? Nope. All she does is whine and complain about the fact that she has an intelligent, educated sister who is adopted, and try to discredit her once again. I reiterate, I am NOT halforphan. I happen to be a 62 year old male who has a strictly platonic relationship with halforphan, and am disgusted with the abuse her sisters are giving her. Halforphan has not in any way attacked her sisters, yet these 2 can’t leave her in peace. What purpose does this last posting serve other than to have the owner of this disturbed mind vent hate? NONE! What has she written to address the original topic? NOTHING! Please, whatever your stance on adoption might be, recognize Birth Sibling for the unbalanced individual she is. She’s been at this for 30 YEARS for crying out loud! Wouldn’t a person who was mentally stable have given it a rest by now? No, I’m not halforphan, and no, I’m not here to attack anyone, but to defend a friend. I have only pity for Birth Sibling and hope she gets the mental health counciling she so desperately NEEDS! Nobody, even Birth Sibling, deserves to live with the level of paranoia with which she’s obviously living. Posted by Pilgrim1003 on May 10, 2012 at 8:10pm


I just thought I would mention that I will not post again as long as there are no attacks on halforphan by her sisters. If, however, they continue to attack, I WILL post in defense. If the sisters can, in any way, make a meaningful contribution without also making an attack, I will NOT prevent them from doing so. I hope I will not have to post again!I would also encourage the moderators to review their own terms of service. Posted by Pilgrim1003 on May 10, 2012 at 8:57pm

Gert here…word for word, phrase for word, sentiment for sentiment…pigrim is HO/JW…no friend can speak the exact same way another does, she isn’t fooling anyone.


Here is what is so interesting to me. When JW/HO trashes our family and we say that it is disgusting she attacks us, then when we quote her own book and tell of her dirty deeds, she REVERTS into herself because she can not handle what we say and out pops Pilgrim…who JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE THERE. Pigrim/HO isn’t fooling anyone. So Pilgrim, attacks us calling us names and sounding just like JW/HO continues to say how he will be right there and will not allow us to attack HO. I’m shaking!!!


Both HO/JW and Pilgrim have called for the moderators to come to their aid…this is Joan’s way of doing things…on the forum she called for all those adoptees to come and beat us up and now on a public site, where Ruth and I can speak openly, Joan must now ask the moderators to aid her. But, the moderators have kept this thread up and running, why do you think? Because they are not stupid they see what JW/HO is and is doing and they WANT all to see it for themselves.



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