The rantings of Joan Wheeler after she is confronted by birthsibling (Ruth) on public discussion thread, April 2012, part two…continuing on….
After Ruth posted and I posted, then Joan’s alter (Pilgrim) posted (we have already shown that insanity). The following part two can be seen @
Again, I am not going to show every word of this rather long, angry rant, just enough to show my points. I am using the initials HO for halforphan and JW for Joan Wheeler.
continuing from part one…
HO/JW says She (adoptive mother) still believed until her dying breath that adoptees should never be told the truth. It is this possessive attitude in adoptive parents that is destructive to their relationship with their adoptee.
Gert here.. Well after having experienced close to 40 years of hate from this birthsibling that was placed into adoption, I would have to agree with that adoptive mother…that adoptees ought NOT to be told the truth…because of the havoc they place upon everyone. Most of JW/HO’s statements are from her own warped understanding of things…most people do NOT think like her and that is the main reason why she doesn’t get along with others and why she believes we are not telling the truth…because her truth is NOT the truth and she never sees the other person’s view/side.
HO/JW says As far as my natural father is concerned, only he and I know what happened to end our relationship. No one else was present in my car when I drove him home from his heart doctor. He insulted me. I drove him home and didn’t contact him for a year. I was hurt. When I did call him, we visited. He was interested in another chapter I wrote. I gave it to him. A few days later, I went to see him. He pulled me into his home office and berated me, yelled at me, telling me I ridiculed his religion. He was wrong. I was making the point that my adoptive family were the devote Catholics who mocked me. No, my natural father didn’t understand the last chapter I wrote. Yes, I criticized ignorant groups in my home city. When people do not know the truth about something, anything, they form uniformed biases, fueling misinterpretations and prejudice. My father thought I was criticizing him, I was not. So, he yelled at me and I yelled back.
Gert here.. note this….He pulled me into his home office…this is NOT the same as she wrote in her ‘truthful’ book! further down I quote directly from the book and she says…he then shuffled me off to the spare room so we could be alone….So according to HO/JW she has TWO versions of the same event, person and place! See how she is? She knew that Dad had a OFFICE and here on a internet site, where she is attempting to cover her ass…she called it correct, his OFFICE, but in the book, that she claims is truthful, not only did she have more time to make it her way she lied about the event, person and place and said he ‘shuffled’ her to the ‘spare room’ to make it look like Dad was mean or something…this is what we siblings are talking about HO/JW is a liar and a fabricator of event and people in our family and we want her to stop.
Gert here…further down in this HO states that she was ‘not out to get his money’ and the best way to answer this and the above things are to go directly to JW/HO’s book…for she not only mixes and confuses things together, but she changes the story at each telling. My father told me that yes, JW was driving him to doctors, was a big help, but that they had some arguments and he told her to stop coming over, that it was best they didn’t see each other. His ‘version’ of the story goes that JW said to him that she felt like a cab-driver and needed gas money. My father believed that she was helping me out and while he did give $ occasionally he never questioned any need for gas money unless he was asked for it. She never asked and so he believed she was okay. But, when she said she felt like a cab-driver my father gave her $20 for ‘cab fare’ and said I won’t need your services any longer. She then said her car needed repairs and asked him for money. He said that he saved hundreds of thousands of dollars by NOT owning a car, true statement, and if he owned a car it would be his responsibility for his repairs and since he does NOT own a car he saw no reason to pay for her repairs. That is NOT an insult but a fact of responsibility that JW never takes into consideration. She felt that he owed her to help with the expense since she was helping him. They didn’t speak for some time.
Gert here..On pgs 553 to 560 HO discusses several episodes related to her ‘volunteering’ to help my father and his refusal to pay for her car repairs and his reactions to her insults about his Polish ancestry and Christian religion. Now from her book… JW’s version;
‘spring of 2008 as I drove Dad from doctor he uttered two distinct comments…’I saved hundreds of thousands of dollars…not owning a car and my other children work’…I was stunned, did he devalue me because I didn’t work, realized he had distorted impressions, did he think I do nothing, he was not as demanding as he was unaware, while he paid for gas and lunch it was not enough, had felt honored to help him but no longer, step-sisters and I helped but adult children didn’t, lived too far away, others unable or unwilling to help, my adoptive mother only had me, my father had an opinion I should put amother in nursing home and I should take a small apartment above him, nursing home would mean our house would have to be sold, my daughter and I would face homelessness, living above my father would put me in the same position as with amom, available to help, ‘my car broke down, $2,000, asked dad, he refused, he didn’t realize that his refusal caused arguing between amom and me, amom yelled,’we did all the work and paid for upkeep for his child, he gave you up because he couldn’t afford you, we took care of you, now in my old age and limited income I see how your father reaps the benefits and he wants us to foot the bill for his transportation’, she was right, adoptive parents paid all expenses and natural father got all benefits of reunion, such is the nature of adoption, he is more secure than we are, he does not see anyone’s else perspective but his own, how he arrived at conclusions is beyond me…’
Gert here…Recall that this is all the workings of the diseased minds of the adoptive mother and the adoptee. Now back to the related page that discusses the ‘readings’ of the draft of the book and the insults to my father. On pg 557 Dad was interested in seeing certain family connections that she uncovered in research and he asked to see her
‘…at dad’s with step-mom we were fine, but he then shuffled me off to the spare room so we could be alone. (Gert here, not spare room, but his OFFICE, where he spent most of his time) he did this so we could be alone, to keep his wife from knowing what we discussed, (Gert here, NOT true, she was totally UNINTERESTED IN JW PERIOD), I re-enforced what I wanted him to understand what people did to him and me behind our backs, (Gert here, that’s her browbeating) he asked to see the assessment, left it with him but ten days later it was a different story, he latched on to his own perceptions, believing I intended to cause him pain, used his yell first and don’t ask questions attitude, instead of grasping the points about the hypocrisy of catholics within my adoptive family, he believed what he wanted, that I don’t care about him because he is christian, because I criticize the Polish community he also assumed that I lumped him and his family intothat cultural group, he is wrong, he missed the point, he feels the assessment portrays him in a bad light (Gert here, it does), instead of seeing the larger picture he attacked me, I tried to get my adoptive mother and natural father to see these points about adoption before they die, my step-mother doesn’t understand why father is mad, he refused to allow her to read this assessment, (Gert here, NOT TRUE, step-mother didn’t want to know anything about JW, period and note the browbeating), when I went to get the assessment, he yelled at me, kicked me out the door, because of his assumptions and my frustrations, we yelled at each other, I am done’.
Gert here…And so was my father, done with her, he removed her from his obit and forbade her to come unannouced…continuing on…On page 355 of her libelous book, JW states…’…I have an ethical obligation to increase the knowledge….I can see that you’re not interested in current professional discussion…clearly, no here in ‘Backward Buffalo’ wants to hear what worldwide adoption professionals have to say…’
NO one can understand that chapter in the book…I’m still working it out…because of the way JW/HO writes it is very confusing and very insulting! Just because SHE thinks it’s okay to critize ‘ignorant’ groups doesn’t MAKE IT RIGHT. JW never thinks about the feeling of others. Her racial/ethnicity and religious bigotry came from her upbringing by the adoptive family which was NOT the same upbringing that the birth family had…but her insistence on bringing those bias to the topics of race, ethnic backgrounds and religious beliefs and openly mocking and condemning them to the birth family is one of the major ‘disabilities’ that JW has…she doesn’t know how to be diplomatic and tolerate. Over and over again whenever she is face with an opponent or an opposing view she will lash out at them with some sort of political, racial, ethnic and religious insult…and that is what a good social worker should do, right! She claims to be a Unitarian but failes to live by their standard of granting the worth, freedom and tolerance to every human and their right to express their understanding in the divine! JW/HO rants and raves so much that she is constantly mixing and matching things and therefore gets it all confused. In this paragraph she doesn’t get it what Dad was saying and/or ALLOWING him to have his own opinion; she must have it her way, period.
HO/JW says…Not very impressive behavior on part, yet, I was caregiving for him, as well as my adoptive mother, and my own health issues. I had burnout.
Gert here…If she had burnout…why doesn’t she LEARN to say NO. If she had health issues of her own, WHY doesn’t she take care of herself and learn to say NO. And the truth of this was that SHE was not caregiving for Dad. She took him to a couple of doctor appointments when THE caregiver was unavailible. JW/HO exaggerates.
HO/JW says Meanwhile, where was Ruthie? She was busy writing a blog about a woman who accused her husband of sexual assault. This is discovered just last month.I shared caregiving of our father with our stepsisters while Ruth was nowhere in sight. And, I did not steal anything, I did not put any items in the grocery cart when I took our father shopping. He offered to buy milk and lunch. I love it that I am accused of going after our stepmother’s money, or that I defaced our father’s funeral memory book, or that I caused a scene in the funeral parlor. Stop it. Just stop it. Stop making up rumors. You’ve been doing that all of my life.
Gert here…Ruth has address this before, that she has a fulltime job, health issues of her own and her husband’s and had no reliable transportation. By bringing this up, JW/HO attempts to draw attention away from her and place it on others, this is another one of her tricks…to confuse the issues at hand. WHAT was discovered last month…the sexual assault or the blog post? This careless way of writing is what causes great confusion when reading JW/HO. She volunteered to help with Dad, no one ASKED her to do so. Once you volunteer to do something, you don’t get to take the stand that noone else was there to help. If that volunteering gets to be too much, then say NO and be done with it, instead of making others be the bad guy when they were NOT the one who volunteered in the first place.
continuing on…IF she would learn to READ before opening up her mouth, HO/JW would know that I did not say that it was Dad with the shopping cart…it was my step-mother! As far as ‘going after’ stepmother’s money…her two daughters were sitting at the table with JW/HO. The scene in the funeral home WAS witnessed and verified BY their employees! Making up rumors!! Doing this all of HO/JW’s life! Well that’s news to me because I have had only FOUR contacts with her in 40 years!! Why is it ONLY her that gets to demand that we stop anything? She is the ONE who wrote a damm book full of rumors! That’s why is was pulled from publication. But she keeps on talking that’s why we are here talking about her.
HO/JW says And no, I was not “out to get his money” I never wanted his inheritance. That was what the insult was in my car. That he wanted to give me money, that he saved hundreds of thousands of dollars by never owning a car….yet, here I was, driving him around.
Gert here…see my previous note above…also note here how she changes the story from what was in the book. ‘he wanted to give me money…is NOT what she wrote in the book!
HO/JW says My sisters never wanted me to be involved with anything adoption, so now they are right out there, saying they are my birth sisters, using words that they read on websites now, but they were not involved years ago. They have their own perceptions of what happened, I have mine.
Gert here…I never cared what the hell she did…I just WANTED her away from me and my kids AFTER she violated my parental authority with my minor children. It is HO/JW that equates that with ‘anything adoption’ then so be it. I’ll be damm if I’ll have an asshole stand in my kitchen, in front of my children, screaming at me, calling me an unfit mother because I am adopting my child! And then, she went behind my back and told them they didn’t have to listen to me. That’s when I banned her from being around my children and she called false child-abuse against me. So, don’t tell me whether or not I ever wanted her to be INVOLVED with adoption. As far as I’m concerned as long as she shuts her mouth about me and family she can do and say anything she wants.
continuing on…what is this double-talk…listen JW/HO and get this straight….ONCE you wrote a libelous book, which is WHERE I learned the language, and we found that out and found you talking about us on the internet WE began to get involved in STOPPING your mouth. Perceptions ARE NOT the truth…you can NOT write a book or a internet comment/blog telling your perceptions about other people…that is called slander and libel and we shall continue until you shut your mouth.
HO/JW says Were my sisters in my adoptive home when I was a kid? Where they involved when certain conversations took place, when our father gave me our mother’s death certificate that clearly states she died of kidney cancer? No, they were not. Yet, my sisters continually say that our mother died of uterine cancer. No, she did not. My adoptive parents were told the same thing, but that was incorrect information, so I went to a gynecologist to have repeated internal exams and tests for cancer. Until I had my natural mother’s death certificate in my hands, I believed my natural mother’s cause of death was uterine cancer.
Gert here…we obviously were NOT in HO/JW’s adoptive home, because she was adopted, that means she wasn’t in our family. And the point is…of course we could not know what happened…AND…that means…that JW/HO who was NOT in our family and NOT there when certain things were said and done…HOW can she WRITE AND SPEAK about what she can NOT know? As far as the cause of death of mom was…it WAS uterine cancer! HO/JW refuses to understand that, before she died she had uterine cancer, treatments could not her and then the cancer spread and she had cancer EVERYWHERE, kidneys failed to function due to the cancer there and she died. But if she wants to bitch about it then go for it, because it DOESN’T matter. The point is, STOP talking about our mother and father.
HO/JW says Yeah, with all the bickering, I fell into the trap of bad behavior myself. I was being dragged down so I fought back. Not in the healthiest of ways, but I fought back. I wrote to the Mayor out of desperation because these nutcases wouldn’t stop calling me, cussing me, attacking me, and interfering in my life. The police wouldn’t help me. Court cases were dismissed.
Gert here..and HERE WE HAVE ONE MAJOR ADMITTANCE TO A DIRTY DEED, but of course she has to preface it as a result of the other’s behavior! First off, JW/HO keeps saying that it was 3 sisters, that is not correct. K, was NOT involved after she successfully got JW/HO out of her life. I was NOT involved after I successfully got HO/JW out of my life. It was Ruth, who tried and tried to get HO/JW out of her life and COULD NOT. At every turn, JW/HO kept harassing Ruth and writing to people, including the major and place of employment. So now JW/HO says that she fought back! But we have seen how JW/HO still hasn’t learned a thing….
ADDENDUM BY RUTH: as to all the harassment I received from Joan, at every turn, please see the list here: http://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/what-is-demanded-from-joan-wheeler/ and be sure to read my comment below to see my telling the truth of only SOME of Joan’s bullshit here. and “keep in mind” that I have court documents and letters and envelopes – handwritten by Joan herself that prove what I list on that page is the truth. And “keep in mind,” they have been posted on my blog.
This ends part two….to be continued and finished in part three
Ruth here – I’m not even going to answer half of Joan’s bullshit.- BUT –
yes, she finally admitted to a dirty deed – writing to the mayor of Buffalo – BUT again, she doesn’t tell the truth. Supposedly it was because she was trying to get ME off her back. BUT she doesn’t say that in Dec. 1993, SHE called child abuse on herself, giving out MY name and saying MY fiance abused her kids – to try to break me and my fiance up. THEN she tried to discredit me in local politics because she knew from 1992 that I was becoming involved in that arena. And she doesn’t tell you what she said to the mayor – if it was to “get me off her back” WHY would she tell him that I can’t get pregnant?
As to her exagerating and mixing and matching events – yep! here she goes again. The “caregiving” of my father was spring into winter 2004 and early 2005. But what does she say? Where was Ruthie? – writing blogs. Sorry, I didn’t have a home computer or home internet until 2006. I started my blog in 2009.
My husband and I – in 2003 – experienced from July 21, 2003 the deaths of his grandfather, (July 21) his mother,(July 28) my cousin (August 4), my ex-husband and still good friend (August 19), my brother, (September 1), his cousin (October). In addition, my husband had open heart surgery September 24. I was injured at work in October, and out of work for 2 weeks, then I was working overtime to make up for my husband’s lost income. My father had open heart surgery in December 2003. In January 2004, he was placed in a nursing home for rehab. The nursing home was more than 20 miles from my home Near the city of Niagara Falls. I live in Buffalo, 20 miles south of Niagara Falls. When my father went home, he lived in Tonawanda, still around 15 miles from my home. Joan lives in the town of Kenmore, only about 3 miles from where my dad lived. Joan did not have a job, she had the time, and was closest to him to take him to the doctor. Meanwhile, our stepsister, who was his primary care-giver, who drove past his house everyday to her job, was the primary care-giver of her mother and my dad.
In 2003, my husband and I did NOT have a car of our own! I had my ex-husband’s car in my name for lower insurance rates, and we had it on loan – while he was in his home country Yemen – from July 2003. When his cousin came to tell me of his death, I was told that the family agreed to let me and my husband keep the car. In exchange for this kindness, and because I could speak English, I took care of my ex-husband’s banking,Social Security Disability payments (and he himself gave me power of attorney before he left for Yemen). Now I had to deal with the Yemeni government in obtaining the death certificate, filing it with the IRS and Social Security. closing up his bank accounts. All of this, while grieving 5 relatives. AND dealing with my husband’s open heart surgery, caring for him, taking care of my self, paying the mortgage by myself. MY FATHER KNEW ALL THAT I WAS GOING THROUGH AND SO DID JOAN. SO WHERE DOES SHE GET OFF TELLING PEOPLE THAT I WAS WRITING BLOGS INSTEAD OF TAKING CARE OF MY FATHER?? bitch.
My husband and I inherited the van my mother in law had. And just in time. My ex-husband’s car died in December 2003. It took us a month to get the van on the road – because it needed a couple of repairs. And we had little money due to John being out of work. BUT when my father was in rehab and I got the van on the road – I drove up to see him almost everyday, despite my working on my job over nights. I would have about 4 hours sleep – and sometimes I would go there at 10am, after only 2 hours sleep and I would get him ready for the day. Then I would go home and go to bed, sleep until about 7pm do housework, and take care of my husband, then go to work again at 11pm. AND WHERE WAS LITTLE JOANIE? WRITING HER STUPID LYING BOOK!
In December 2004, a bimbo made a right turn in front of me and I hit her – causing severe damage to my van, and I had to take it off the road. So for two years later – I had no car. I took public transportation which is not reliable near my dad’s house. I used the car insurance settlement to catch up with my mortgage and property taxes and it took me 2 years to save another $2000.00 to fix the van.
Meanwhile, Joan is still not working, and getting her ass in trouble with my dad and stepmother.
And she writes in her book that I was either unable or unwiling to help. She says this right on page 554. Yet in her rant on this thread, she leaves the impression that I was an uncaring bitch towards my father, and ONLY Joan, the savior, was taking care of my father.
Joan speak with forked tongue – even when she isn’t out right lying – she ain’t telling the truth.
Getting back to the letter she wrote to the mayor – and her admittance to ONE of her dirty deeds – go here to see all the other shit she did to me – AND “keep in mind” (Joan’s phrase) that I, Ruth, have ACTUAL COURT DOCUMENTS AND LETTERS AND ENVELOPES IN JOAN’S OWN HANDWRITING THAT PROVE THAT JOAN IS THE ONE DOING THE DIRTY DEEDS AND HARASSMENTS