adoption, birth/adoptive families, browbeating to get your own way, bullying, champ the defender, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, cyberbullying, dead book, Forbidden Family a book of lies, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds
Champ has left the building…Joan Wheeler has taken over….
parts of this post have been posted on champ’s blog…but…most likely Joan will not post it because it directly accuses her of charges that she refuses to answer…she may kid herself but she isn’t fooling anyone
Now before I answer the last post by ‘champ’ in full, by showing how every word/sentiment that ‘champ’ writes and expresses, is indeed Joan Wheeler, I would like to give some credit. On a post, on bullying, that Ruth posted on her blog, she got a ‘like’. When I went there I was very much impressed with it and saw a statement that I am now using. Please take a look at the following site to see more.
DARVO is the acronym for the standard abuser protocol: Deny, Attack and Reverse roles of Victim and Offender
This statement is very true and fits Joan Wheeler perfectly!
And now my comments, to Joan, are in bold…
Her attempt at taking the high ground…but she is incapable of staying there.
Your use of crude language is exceeded only by your cruelty and total disregard of the feelings of others.
She must show, that she is far-more superior then the one she is talking to, whether it is sister or anyone who opposes her. The other is always more cruel and heartless than she. Her feelings are what is important. This is a fatal error in reasoning with an opponent…feelings have NOTHING to do with FACTS AND ISSUES. Because Joan is governed by her feelings her logical reasoning is doomed. She must stick with the facts and nothing but the facts if she wants to get anywhere…but Joan is ruled by her emotions. Champ says he is a male, he is not! No male defender goes into battle with his heart on his sleeve. This is Joan and no one else…she still thinks she fooling everyone.
Answer this question. What have either of you done to try to understand why Joan feels the way she does about adoption? Oh! That’s right. Nothing!
Same old, same old, broken record, champ could care less about what we sisters have or have not done…it is Joan and only Joan that is hung up on this nonsense about Joan’s feelings! Joan is experiencing self-pity and to get herself out of that downer, she must put the blame on the others and while she’s at it…make sure the others know they did NOTHING to understand Joan’s feelings! There is NO law that says I MUST understand Joan Wheeler. Deal with it.
What have you investigated about the psychology of adoption from the point of view of an adoptee? Oh! Again, nothing.
Joan is presuming that we have done nothing to understand, why, because, we are not speaking the right words of ‘feelings’ that we ‘ought’ to, according to the world by Joan. Joan has no real way of knowing what Ruth and Gert have or have not investigated, why, because Joan has already made up her mind that the sisters are stupid and don’t understand the psychology. Only a person in the grip of self-pity speaks over and over again that the others ‘did nothing to understand her feelings’…broken record, get it fixed!
Please feel free to present your professional credentials in either psychology, social work, or a related field, and perhaps then you’ll have something worthwhile to discuss.
Can’t you remember Joan you said this before! If we don’t have any credentials please tell me why Joan is still engaged in communicating with us? She should say goodbye already and find someone who gives a shit.
In some instances, ignorance can be excused. Willful ignorance, of which you two are guilty, can NEVER be excused.
Joan knows without a doubt that we are guilty of ‘willful ignorance’; Joan’s ‘bad mommy’ skills are showing! Where are your facts, about our ignorance? Having a different opinion is not willful ignorance; it’s just plain having a different opinion.
You’re whining because I’m giving you the same kind of treatment you’ve been dishing out to Joan for years, and you’re finding it rather uncomfortable.
Instead of answering the charges against her, she turns the tables and ‘chooses’ to see whining where there are accusations stated. Ruth and Gert are NOT uncomfortable… the very fact that Joan uses that word points to the fact that she IS THE ONE WHO IS UNCOMFORTABE. Joan thinks she is ‘dishing out’ the same kind of treatment she received? And what was that ‘treatment’ that I ‘dished out’ to her? I told her to get lost…so why is she still around…why did she write a libelous book? Joan, be specific about what ‘treatment’ I dished out to you…please…I need to know so I can do it again.
Well, when you stop, so will I. I’ve BEEN defending Joan, and you’re feeling that I’m attacking YOU!
Joan attacks anyone who has an opposing opinion from her own. Joan has not been defending herself…for she has NOT answered the charges against her…the charges that were placed on a comment on champ’s blog which she choose to ignore and not post.
The only reason you destroyed Joan’s book is because it showed you for what you truely are, and you couldn’t stand the fact that if someone were to read it, you would be exposed for that. Truth hurts, doesn’t it?
What really is pissing Joan off is that the book was pulled from publication. She refuses to acknowledge that Ruth and Gert did NOT destroy the book…the publisher…did, because Joan violated their contract. Joan is losing touch with reality. She ‘believes’ she ‘showed us as we truly are’! NOT…that’s why the book is libelous, because it is not a true story nor a true representation of us. And Joan WANTED to expose everyone…according to her own inner vision…of everyone. As we have said from the beginning…Joan Wheeler is a liar and wrote a libelous book for fame and fortune…she exploited our family and she still is doing it.
Why don’t you two try to do something constructive with your lives instead of trying to destroy your own sister?
My purpose in life, at this moment, is very much focused on Joan Wheeler…that is a very constructive thing to do. It is MY LIFE after all and I will live it as I see fit, not as Joan Wheeler wants me to live it. She wrote about my life in that libelous book. l will spend as much time as it takes for Joan Wheeler to answer the charges against her that she did to me and my family. If Joan is being destroyed, that’s her problem, not mine. She is the one who lied and wrote a libelous book…deal with that…for I will be in your face until you, Joan, answer the charges against you.
Your actions put you in the same category as the nice folks who burned the books in Germany back around World War 2. Ah! But you’re proud of that, because it’s posted on one of your blogs!
Joan mistakes us for a governmental state with some kind of authority…faulty logic! I purchased $1,000 worth of books (I have the receipts, they were mine, not Joan Wheeler’s) I own them and I could and did do anything I wanted with them, including cutting, shedding, burning, shitting on them, anything… there were MY PROPERTY to do with as I saw fit. And yes, we are PROUD of the fact that we were able to show you and the world want we think your libelous book is worth! Damn straight! No one gets to write lies about me and my family and GET AWAY WITH IT.
For cying out loud, stop with the “ME! ME! ME!” attitudes. The book wasn’t written about you, but about the issues concerning adoption.
Here is that reversal; again…Joan doesn’t like it when others claim to have feelings, opinions and rights. If the book was not written about us, then why are we in it? She never answers that. And we see her temper is getting the better of her the longer she writes.
And anyone reading your blog or your comments here will understand all the wonderful issues adoption can entail a little better. The sooner you realize you’re only giving credance to Joan’s arguements, the better off you’ll be.
So is this why Joan keeps arguing with us…so she can USE the family again and again? That’s called exploitation! NO, Joan, people are seeing that you are the nutcase that you are.
Keep it up, you two. You’re only proving that Joan has reasons for feeling the way she does.
There’s those feelings again. It’s all about her…but didn’t she just say… stop with the “ME! ME! ME!” attitudes..? Isn’t she doing just that?
By the way, it was Joan’s ex who went through the money by spending it on a scheme which didn’t work, and which she had no part of. You want the money back? I suggest you talk to him!
Right…throw the blame on someone else…that’s Joan Wheeler for you.
If the book was about adoption, she could have EASILY removed all direct references to your family. If her focus was to bring awareness to an issue she is passionate about, the book would have been reworked and the publisher could assign a new ISBN and redistribute it under a pen name.
But, from the few posts I have read over the past few days, the purpose of her book was character assassination. Period. Readers surely recognized her vengeful tone within the first few pages. This tone, influenced by her emotions, does not increase support for a cause; it only insights anger and resentment. These viceral responses aren’t just by you and your family tarnished by its pages; these words can insight anger and resentment toward you and your family. Especially since the books accusations can be proven false, your family has every right to seek damages. You were falsely accused in its pages with the absolute intent to harm. The book was NOT to inform or make people aware of a worthy cause. Couldn’t the publisher see that before agreeing to print?
I wrote and self-published a book about my experiences with someone I will simply refer to as a monster. I have never published his full name in any context: blog, message board, Facebook page, etc. However, I know who he is, he knows who he is, and his family knows who he is. Writing the story was VERY therapeutic for me. But my story was published and shared to bring awareness to something not to destroy his life. (He does a good job on his own destroying his life and the lives of people he abuses.) Certainly many pages and passages are emotion-filled, and that’s why I wrote it as a piece of fiction based on true events. I don’t even use names of real cities in which I lived or he lived. My focus was the message, not the monster’s identity.
And as you wrote in a post, because she has already defamed you and your sisters in her original published book, any subsequent publications focused on you and your family, even without directly naming you, can be assumed to be you. Shame on her and her need for pity. I don’t know the entire story, but I am willing to guess she got pissy because her reunion wasn’t the fairy tale often depicted in Hollywood movies and books. Adoption is a beautiful option for many people. But there is a reason why closed adoptions have been the norm. Your relationship with her didn’t have to turn into this ugliness. She single-handeldly created the ugliness it seems.
Thank you Paula, for your observations. It is difficult to grasp the full extension of this problem, as they say it didn’t happen overnight.
Before our mother died from cancer shortly after giving birth to her 5th child (that is Doris/Joan), my father had no help but his elderly parents and relatives of our mother who were caring for four of us. He knew that his wife was dying and offered to marry a woman who needed a father for her son as he needed a mother for his children, but, this woman said NO to the infant. A suggestion was offered by a relative that ‘knew’ some people who wanted to adopt and my father made that decision to have the infant placed into this ‘private’ legal adoption. But, I for one, being the oldest remembered I had a baby sister and relatives did tell me and my siblings some ‘things’ about this sister, but I knew nothing about who or where until she was in her middle teens. We checked and were told that as siblings we could make contact when she was 18, which we did.
Doris, now Joan was raised with a much older set of parents who were paranoid about losing her and yes, Joan’s upbringing must have been difficult, but neither were the childhoods of us 4 siblings. Doesn’t matter, adoption or not, some childhoods are not easy, but this is for another topic. Reunion…wasn’t good at all…but just to give a general sense to our grievances with Joan I state briefly;
In 1980/81 my second husband and I ADOPTED my son, my daughter choose no, they were 15/16…Joan interfered with our plans, called me unfit, alienated my children from me and interfered with my parental authority, when we told her to butt out and forbid her contact with my children, she called child abuse on me, twice. I DIVORCED HER…didn’t see her for 10 years until I agreed to see her at a small family gathering, and she then started trouble within the family over my ‘religion and mental health’. I maintained the divorce. I also was no longer living in the same city.
During the early 1990s Joan caused much trouble with our sister who lives in England and most severely with Ruth who lives in Buffalo, much of which I knew little to nothing about until after the book was published. Systematically, Joan has caused trouble with every member of the birth family to where NO one wants her around; same with much of the adoptive family. Joan had always talked about ‘writing her story’ and no one ever paid any attention to that.
But, by chance Ruth found that in Dec 2009 the book was published and once the three of us got copies and just glanced at it, we were shocked. The book is over 640 pages and perhaps only 100 pages are devoted to any kind of adoption reform and that from a totally anti-adoption platform! It is entirely an angry hateful account of her inner life’s torments and how ‘she viewed’ everyone and every event. Not only did she lie, she made up stories for the drama of it all, and with total malicious intent on ‘getting’ back at anyone who ‘hurt’ her.
It took me a year of reading and thinking and writing about it before I said how did this get printed and called the publisher in Dec 2010. At that time I found out that Joan purchased a contract for a print ready package which means that she signed a contract that stated that there were no libelous materials and other things. The publishing house does NOT read the manuscript UNLESS there was a complaint. And now they had a complaint. Ruth and I send documents to disprove statements made in the book, we gave detailed narratives disputing statements/events/etc with page # for the publisher’s legal staff to review. It took 4 months and in May of 2011, the publisher pulled the book. It doesn’t matter what it says, BTW, on Amazon, once on Amazon a book rarely comes off. That book will NEVER be reprinted. Certainly, she can submit another rewrite, but, she has no money, that’s the reason she wrote the book because she was going to be a millionaire and have a movie made of her life! But, the publisher told us if she did submit a rewrite it would be looked at very very closely and with our input!
She doesn’t want to use a pen name or create ‘distance’ between herself and all characters, in her story! She wrote it because she believes that she has been traumatized by adoption, she takes no responsibility for any of her own actions, it’s the other guy who did this and that to her, etc,…you know what I mean. There is no reasoning with this individual, period.
So, once we sisters found her lying about us on adoption forums and such and then when the book came out, of course, we refuted it…hence our blogs. And her responses have always been to get other angry adoptees to get us and/or create other blogs to attack us, that is what she does when someone has to tell her she did a bad thing, she attacks. She believes that we sisters are traumatized by her adoption and that is why she gets it up to prove her point. She doesn’t see her own life and actions…you know what I mean.
So the only thing we can do is what we are doing…refute her lies and expose her dirty deeds, until she answers the charges and goes away.
again, thanks for your insights…
remote from Kathy…
I tried about 3 times to leave a comment on your latest blogpost, but WordPress won’t let me. Could you put this up please, if you think it appropriate.
As the third Birth Sister, I commend Champ/JW for finally acknowledging that Gert and Ruth are two different individuals. I take it, then, that he/she also recognises that I also am a separate individual. Just in case Champ/JW takes this as an invitation to hurl more cyber-abuse at me, or to engage me in a cyber-fight, let me assure you it is not.
I have only skimmed through this post, but get the gist of it.
I, too, would like to thank Paula for her observations. I give credit to Ruth and Gert for the hard work they have put into this – and thank them for understanding my reasons for taking a back seat.
I left this on Champ’s blog but doubt it will be published:
“The simple fact that Champ does not disclose his/her real name, relationship to Joan, credentials, or reason for defending her is enough to discredit ANYTHING and EVERYTHING written on this blog. I think the sisters are correct, Champ is Joan.”
“Joan has created this blog, not to defend herself, but to continue to bait and taunt her birth sisters into defending themselves, so she can continue to have “reason” to bash them and seek pity from others. She uses her adopted status, first and foremost, to make good people feel sorry for her. After all, who wouldn’t have pity on a woman who reunited with her birth sisters only to be rejected by them? But Joan doesn’t make it clear why she was rejected. Why would any birth sister reject an adopted sibling after reuniting just to reject them? Stop feeling sorry for Joan. She is a big girl who needs to stop pointing fingers and feeling sorry for herself and seeking pity and start being accountable for her part in the final rejection and alienation, which had NOTHING to do with the fact she was adopted.”
“Joan knows her birth sisters well enough to know exactly what makes them vulnerable and quick to defend: their love and respect for themselves and each other. Joan bashes one knowing that the other will lash out in defense. This, in turn, creates an atmosphere of hate and anger toward Joan, and Joan feeds off of it, and uses it as her “reason” for feeling like she must always defend herself.”
“Sociopaths do this! Twisted people with no conscience and no real reason for living other than seeking to destroy others. Joan has targeted her birth sisters. How despicable. I don’t care if any of what she says is actually the truth. To purposely exploit and attempt to debase someone for the pure joy of debasing them is evil. Writing over 600 pages of bashing under the guise that it’s about adoption is pure recklessness.”
“I say let Champ keep writing and stop commenting or refuting anything he/she has to say. Keep telling your side on your blog. Keep loving each other. Continue to live a happy life. People will think what they want to think and choose to make the mistake of believing Joan. You can’t stop that. But you can stop wasting your time on this pathetic person. No one will publish anything she writes unless it’s pure fiction and unrelated to adoption or adoption reunions. If she wanted to make a difference in the adoption world, she destroyed her chances by writing lies in the first place. If a publishing house stops the print of a book, they have been convinced with solid evidence that the published piece is filled with damaging lies against an innocent party or parties.”
thank you Kathy for your input and support…knowing full well that you may have opened yourself up for more abuse from JW but, if JW knows what’s good for her she will keep her mouth SHUT.
thank you Paula for your wise words of support and comfort…your words have much truth in them and I recognize what you are advising…at this moment I can’t say what I shall or shall not continue to do…I thank you very much for appearing as you have, from out of the blue…and well…thank you.
and see Ruth’s post
Ruth here -I was going to comment, but had so much to say – I turned it into a new post:
My answer to Gert’s post ‘Champ has left the building, Joan Wheeler has taken over’ and lots more!