abuser, adoption, adoption reunions, Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, browbeating people over adoption, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, cyberbullying, dead book, Forbidden Family a book of lies, libelous book, Rene Hoksbergen, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds
Joan Wheeler was very active, on the internet, AGAINST the birth siblings in 2008; we have found the evidence!
This post has two parts to it; the title of the libelous book and her old website. One of the first titles (there were several proposed titles) of Joan Wheeler’s libelous book was going to be…Forbidden Family: Memoir of a Found Adoptee…and she had a different web site called forbiddenfamilyfoundadoptee.blogspot.com which has been removed.
Here’s an oldie, from 2008; all spelling errors are Joan’s, she never uses the spell checker. My comments will follow and remember I am NOT interested in any of the various aspects of adoption, only in Joan’s behavior and how she uses and exploits the birth family.
To tell or to not tell? MARCH 12, 2008
Parents of egg donor kids are having a hard time disclosing the true biological origin to their children. Up to 44% of parents have decided not to tell their children how they were conceived. This surprises both psychologists and fertility specialists who had expected a higher rate of disclosure at a time when openness is encouraged about such matters. Psychologists are trying to encourage parents to open up to their children in an age appropiate manner about their birth origins. Groups such as Resolve of the Bay State, held a seminar, “Talking with Children about Their Origins,” for prospective parents. How would you feel about telling your child should you choose the egg donor route? I think I’d fall into the “not sure” category. Perhaps it would also depend on the nature of the child. If I felt they can handle it. Of course if there was a medical need, I would tell.
Note from Gert: There were only four comments
B… March 13, 2008 at 4:13 pm I would 100% tell my child. I can see the opposite side though, and wouldn’t judge people for not telling.
Joan Wheeler… March 14, 2008 at 6:40 am
I am a reunited adoptee, found by my 4 older full-blood siblings in 1974. Our mother died, our father relinquished me to adoption. My adoptive parents never wanted me to know the truth – ever. The betrayal, mistrust and hurt and rage I felt when I found out the truth was so completely devasting. I was 18, just finishing high school. My homelife was shattered, my life goals turned upside down. All because my adoptive parents never wanted me to know the truth. Beware: if you don’t tell the truth your egg-donor child will grow up and find out someway. You, the “parents” will find yourselves trying to defend why you lied. Building a parent-child relationship on a lie speaks volumns about the kind of people you are — and the child you love will end up hating you for causing such personal pain. You are not GOD. You do not own your child’s genes, nor do you own your child’s destiny. Give that donor-conceived PERSON human dignity and respect. Tell the truth before it backfires on YOU. I am 34 years in a reunion with my natrual family. My 92 year old adoptive mother finally understands what she did was wrong. Appologies now, 52 years later, are hardly enough to compensate for ridiculing me, mocking me, defiantly witholding the truth of birth from me — and treating me with disdain for becoming an adoption reform activist. My natrual father regrets giving me up. My adoptive father died 25 years ago and appologized for his part in the cover-up before he died. If you didn’t make your child the old-fashioned way, you’d better fess-up. Get the name of the egg donor and put that name on the birth certificate because she is the genetic mother. You are only the gestational mother. Put both destinctions on the birth certificate because that is the truth! If you cannot handle the truth yourselves, then how do you think that will affect your child? You can reach me at email@example.com. My memoir (and well-researched on repro-tech adoptees) will be published soon. Forbidden Family: Memoir of a Found Adoptee.
B….March 15, 2008 at 8:04 am I have to take some issue with the prior comment. While I agree that I would tell a donor child about their origin, I think it somewhat offensive to say “…because she is the genetic mother. You are only the gestational mother.” I think it is hurtful to say that a child’s mother is “only a gestational mother.” A mother, in my opinion, is the person that raises a child, that loves them and supports them. Even a mother that isn’t even a gestational mother (i.e. adoptive parents) is 100% a mother. I certainly would never tell a mother she is less of a mother for lack of genetic connection to or gestational connection to her child, which is how I read that comment. Just my two cents.
M….March 15, 2008 at 3:49 pm I agree with you B especially with donor egg. The female parent in this case also carries the baby for 9 months and gives birth to the child . A special bond is formed from that even if the child isn’t genetically linked to her. The baby will know her immediately from the nine months they’ve already spend together.
Okay same old stuff, different year! But there are a couple of interesting things here, besides the obviously DRAMA and HYPERBOLE!
Notice: that Joan has NO COMEBACK to the comments that DO NOT agree with her; she never does.
Notice this lie: I am 34 years in a reunion with my natrual family. Bullshit! That reunion DIED YEARS BACK! This is an example of how she lies and exaggerates to make her position strong…and until the birth siblings started to speak out, this is how Joan’s truth came to be accepted! Not any longer.
Joan says: You are not GOD…okay then she must be for she is always telling everyone what to believe!
The ‘title of the book’…memoir…my ass! The title ended up being Forbidden Family…A half orphan’s account of her adoption, reunion and social activism; certainly more than a memoir! It was a hate-manifesto against everyone and everything pro-adoption!
The book was not published until Nov 2009 after she had done extensive rewrites and additions during the period of April -July of 2009. But here, in March of 2008, she is advertising the book!! She was in the process of exploiting the family, long before the book was even finished being written, by building up an expectation, on the internet, of what was to come.
That book, which will not be reprinted because it contains libelous materials, was a total of 642 pages. Part 1 was total of 566 pages. Part 2 was a total of 64 pages and those 64 pages are the only pages that contain anything related to any well-researched on repro-tech adoptees. The book’s real purpose was a venue for the author to vent her frustrations, anger and hate at everyone and everything related to her adoption and to get back at any whom she felt/believed ever harmed her.
The beef that Joan has, with adoption, is the fact that adoption MUST keep identities secret for the mental/emotional safety of all concerned; both sets of parents and the child. Joan does not want to accept that fact of life. She refuses to understand the psychological aspects of it; all she sees is her own psychological spin on adoption. Fact is, she hated her adoptive parents and when she was found, by the birthsiblings, she found a way to ‘get back’ at the adoptive parents, by saying they lied to her!
Now for the second half of this story: the name and existence of Joan Wheeler’s former blog in which she attacked the birth sibling…in 2008, and others along with her hate speech, that got the blog removed!
I had only recently, July 2012, found this following site and took a look at it.
UNITED ADOPTEES INTERNATIONAL NEWS SITE 2010
Rene Hoksbergen…is on this site. He’s the one who wrote the Forward to the libelous book and who personally interfered with our family’s personal business, on behalf of Joan. He also wrote a review of the libelous book in a Dutch magazine. I have refuted both of those pieces.
Furthermore on this web page under Blogs: Adult Adoptees there are two listings for forbidden family; the current blog plus another but when you click on it, you get the following message.
Blog has been removed
Sorry, the blog at forbiddenfamilyfoundadoptee.blogspot.com has been removed. This address is not available for new blogs.
Did you expect to see your blog here? See: ‘I can’t find my blog on the Web, where is it?’ Help Center | Terms of Service | Privacy | Content Policy | Developers
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So, I asked Ruth if this was Joan’s first blog that got pulled. Ruth said, ‘yes – that’s the one – that’s the one that in Sept. 2008 she put out that “warning” to The Three Sippel Sisters. There isn’t even any cache of its content.’
We now have evidence that Joan actually did have a site; that was removed in 2008 in which she named and threaten the birth siblings. Also, on her current web site, in the archives of late 2009 she has a reprint of an article against the church that was removed from the earlier site.
I present now, (title/date) directly from Joan’s current blog…three posts, two of which she states were from her FORMER BLOG and one that obviously is note-worthy because of its paranoia character. I do have a copy, directly from the current blog, of all three of these posts…in case Joan turns around and deletes them! I am doing this to prove that she did have a former site and the nature of the CONTENTS of certain posts that contributed to her blog being removed by the company! And, NOT because of anything that the birthsiblings did.
From Joan Wheeler’s current Forbidden Family web site, see her site for full articles.
from my former blog —
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2009
Couple Implanted With Another Couple’s Embryo Will Give Baby To His Genetic Parents Immediately Upon Birth….
Adoption Activists are Not Afraid of the The Feds, Are you? 27 Nov 2009 @3:47 PM
Perhaps “Unknown” and “?” and other Federal Government entities have been monitoring online adoptees and parents-of-adoption-loss for many years. I’ve heard of other adoptee bloggers who have had their free blogs simply vanish without warning, while others are still up, but are disabled from further posting or comments.
This is a re-posting of a post from my former blog.
November 14, 2008 November is National Adoption Awareness month.
To commemorate this month-long awareness campaign, I wrote the following in response to the article by Heidi Hess Saxton, “Anti-Adoption Advocates: How Should We Respond?” Her article appears in an online publication called The Catholic Exchange:
http://catholicexchange.com/2008/11/11/114414/. Seventeen comments by her followers and adoption reformers are included at that site.