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I think and feel that the birth family of Joan Wheeler deserves an apology too and not just the Australians!

by on August 8, 2012

updated with comments from another site

I happen to find the following blog and contents and felt moved to response both on the site and here on my blog. ‘eagoodlife’ has posted a couple of comments on our blogs but decide that we were too ‘negative’…personal opinion of course…no problem there. My personal opinion is that those adoptees that choose to NOT to see the negatives that Joan Wheeler has done/is doing to many people, mostly her own BLOOD, is downright ignorant of them…but as I said that’s my personal opinion.

I have NO problem with adoptees wanting to have apologies for wrongs done to them! But I do have a problem with adoptees, in particular Joan Wheeler for NOT APOLOGING to me for the harm she had done to me and the rest of my birth family and the family I birthed and ADOPTED.

I also take objection to Joan Wheeler’s claim that she chose to be an activist! She is no activist! She is a bully and a socio-path. She is a hater of all things and persons that are pro-adoption. I was her FIRST VICTIM. Eagoodlife…did Joan ever tell you how she interfered with my parental authorities over my minor children and how she obstructed the adoption procedures and when told to butt out she called child abuse upon me? This is the work of an activist??

How about that libelous book she wrote where she lies about everyone in both families? Nice work for a activist for your crusades! You people need a better PR person.

Don’t give me any of this pie in the sky BS here…Joan Wheeler is a very dangerous person who hates BIG TIME…she goes out of her way to bully people over adoption.  Wake up adoptees…you would do much better with someone other than Joan Wheeler speaking for you.

Thank Yous « The Life Of Von

eagoodlife.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/thank-yous/

Jul 20, 2012 – The comment below was received from Joan Wheeler, along with others… road there is no turning back and like Joan I will be active; blogging, …

Thank Yous

This entry was posted on July 20, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged adopteesadoption,Apology. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments

The comment below was received from Joan Wheeler, along with others from dear fellow adoptees and all are much appreciated and to be greatly thankful for.They are an indication of the wonderful alliance of adoptees which knows no boundaries, no borders, no restrictions and exists across the hemispheres, across generations, gender and race. We have unique stories, individual lives and huge differences in our experiences but we all have the same things in common – the loss of our mother, the life we might have had, our identity and history and for some the added loss of our culture, language, country, heritage and traditions.Those losses are huge, affect us all in some way, some in many ways, but they are the glue which holds us together in understanding, appreciation and the ability to walk in each other’s shoes with some knowledge of how it is and how it could have been.The glue that helps us support each other, as best we can, across the vast distances and make us feel close by, gathered in by our community, our tribe, our people, those who know, understand and have got our backs.There is no substitute for any of that, it is the most valuable thing to have come out of our new freedom, the freedom to communicate, to know each other and instantly be in touch that has been given us by the social media.I doubt that there is any other group of people so large, so trapped by their lack of rights and so widespread that has benefited so greatly and much of it can be attributed to our fellow adoptee Steve Jobs!

Joan says she would not have chosen the life of an adoption activist, perhaps if not that, then something else! My own sense of justice was begun back when I was three years old. Looking back I was always going to be involved in human rights action of one sort and another and I have over the years marched, protested, petitioned, boycotted, formed groups, belonged to groups and done the hard yards for change.It has been at time a focal point of my life, at others a thread which was never lost. Once on that road there is no turning back and like Joan I will be active; blogging, writing letters to the Editor and the politicians, commenting and emailing for change, progress for adoptees, for recognition, acknowledgment of our losses and suffering and change in the attitudes of non-adoptees as long as I am able.It’s what I do, it’s what I feel passionate about and what the events of the last couple of years have proven to me are worthwhile, productive and do produce change.The power of the people. Work together and change can happen. ‘Little’ people if they have each others’ backs become a large and vociferous group, changing the minds and actions of the ‘big’ people; those who have power, the position to change legislation and who are the ones we need to take every opportunity to have a quiet word in their shell-likes.

We Australians are lucky people, in that our parliamentarians are close to the people, of the people and as such, very accessible, approachable and easy to reach. If I want to tell the Premier what I think I just email him or send him a message on Face-Book and he replies!! It is that and the hard work of the adoption community that has brought about this Apology, now a land-mark in our history and that of adoption for us all. I have learned over the years to be patient with change.It takes time, sometimes decades, but the tide usually turns and sense and justice prevail in the end. This Apology came quickly. I had not thought to see this in my lifetime and I hope it will be a huge encouragement to all, because it’s effects will be felt by all, cannot be ignored and can never be repealed.

Thank you all for your encouragement, support, caring and love and your joy in our victory for justice. It is for you too. And Joan despite the losses and the pain, life can be joyful too, as I learned long ago when it was pointed out to me that you don’t have the highs unless you also have the lows! I am thankful now days for all of it; the learning, the joys, the griefs, the hardship and the smooth waters.  I’m alive, I’ve lived a full and interesting life and I doubt anyone could say I didn’t give it my best shot!

Von, Thank you for writing your account of the events and what they meant to you. Thank you for including a copy of the written apology. I sobbed as I read it. Here, in America, I have faced 38 years of ridicule for being an outspoken adoptee. This life is certainly not one that I wanted: to be an adoption activist. I much rather would have preferred a joyful life, one that did not require such pain and loss. This victory in South Australia is one that I hope will set the stage for progress around the world and especially in my own country of United States of America. I hope I live to see the day when adopted adults and our natural parents and siblings are recognized in a formal apology from our government for the pain and suffering and identity theft that our adoptions have cost us. To that end, I will work till my dying breath to see the United States acknowledge the grave wrongs committed in the past, as well as today, in the name of adoption. Congratulations, Joan Wheeler

 legitimatebastard says:

Thank you, Von, for spotlighting my comment to you. Here’s all the best to you and your fellow activists in Australia. Mellow in your victory, for you’ve worked hard for it. As a dear friend of mine asked me a few months ago, “What will you do once you win the right to your original birth certificate? What will you do if this country does issue a formal apology?” To which I replied, “Finally achieving the legal right that has been taken from me all of my life, I shall probably bask in the sunshine for awhile. But there will always be the leftovers of adoption. There will be others with pain in relationships. So, the work continues.”

If all of us achieve our rights, all of us are apologised to, there will still be work to do as you say.It will never end for us all because there will always be a transnational adoptee struggling with language, culture, reunion or someone trying to overcome the knowledge they were vetoed or a domestic adoptee hurting from a second rejection by a mother. Yes there’ll be time to sit back and take stock, bask a bit, enjoy life but I make sure I do that now anyway.Have to or life would all be about adoption!!

Gert here…this is my comment….

you probaby will not post this comment, that is your right, but know that I will be posting this on my own blog…

I have NO problem with adoptees wanting to have apologies for wrongs done to them! But I do have a problem with adoptees, in particular Joan Wheeler for NOT APOLOGING to me for the harm she had done to me and the rest of my birth family and the family I birthed and ADOPTED.

I also take objection to Joan Wheeler’s claim that she chose to be an activist! She is no activist! She is a bully and a socio-path. She is a hater of all things and persons that are pro-adoption. I was her FIRST VICTIM. Eagoodlife…did Joan ever tell you how she interfered with my parental authorities over my minor children and how she obstructed the adoption procedures and when told to butt out she called child abuse upon me? This is the work of an activist??

How about that libelous book she wrote where she lies about everyone in both families? Nice work for a activist for your crusades! You people need a better PR person.

Don’t give me any of this pie in the sky BS here…Joan Wheeler is a very dangerous person who hates BIG TIME…she goes out of her way to bully people over adoption.  Wake up adoptees…you would do much better with someone other than Joan Wheeler speaking for you.

I plan on speaking out against Joan Wheeler as long as I have breathe in my body.

  1. eagoodlife says:

Thank you for your comment. I note that your remarked Wake up adoptees…you would do much better with someone other than Joan Wheeler speaking for you No-one speaks for Aussie adoptees except Aussie adoptees.

  1. Pingback: I think and feel that the birth family of Joan Wheeler deserves an apology too and not just the Australians! « Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor

Why not take your issues up with Joan herself? This blog is not about personal feuds between family members, you have your own blog for that.Nothing to do with me or this blog.

AND MY COMMENT BACK

I have no feud with you or Joan…only facts…and I only stated that Joan Wheeler is NOT WHAT SHE APPEARS TO BE and people really need to know who is speaking for them. I have no problem with Aussie adoptees or any other adoptees and your issues. I do have a problem with the two-faced double-speak of Joan Wheeler, who violated the sacred bond between parent and children, when she and only she decided that it was WRONG for me to adopt my own child…for that alone, she owes me an apology and every adoptee out there needs to know what Joan Wheeler really is….

Ruth permalink

what Von fails to understand – when he says that we should take our issues up with Joan – is that some of our issues are with those adoptees who continue to give support to Joan – who has been proven to be a liar, a slanderer, a harasser of her own birth family and others as well!

Yeah, she can spin a good yarn sometimes. She can articulate quite reasonably about SOME things – but then ruins things by repeating her own flawed accounting of the circumstances of her adoption. She continues to promote “kinship” care as THE only and successful option to adoption!

But she fails to say that when it came to her OWN adoption, that option was simply NOT feasible!

THERE WAS NO ONE IN OUR EXTENDED FAMILY WHO COULD CARE OF HER. She refuses to accept that fact.

Any advocate of any movement needs to have their facts straight, or else they will end up looking like a fool and bring down those they wish to represent. And we have seen this over and over with Joan. We have seen her in action on internet discussion groups. Her antagonism gets her in hot water even with other adoptees! She has been kicked off some forums because of her unreasonable arguments. A couple of adoptees have even said sarastically to her “thanks a lot, for making us adoptees look like idiots.” – or words to that effect.

She has lost the support of professional people – even her longtime friend Dr. Rene Hoksbergen who wrote the forward to her libelous book. She sent him a 2006 manuscript. But the finished manuscript, from 2009, contained a lie about me and Dr. Hoksbergen – that in 1998 he came to my house and I yelled and screamed at him, and my husband gave him filthy looks. These events NEVER happened! And in 1993, she drew Dr. Hoksbergen into her attempt to extort money from our sister who lives in England. She lied to him and told him that to ship my sisters belongings to England would cost about $500.00. And whined to him to write to my sister for this money. But she failed to tell him that my sister had sent her a money order for $50.00 to start with – then Joan refused to send the belongings, and pocketed the $50.00. It was my father who evenutally shipped the things to England for a total cost of $150.00. And my wise father mailed the reciepts to my sister. These receipts, along with Dr. Hoksbergen’s letter quoting the $500.00 figure and Joan’s letter acknowledging her receipt of the $50.00 money order were scanned and posted on our blogs. – proof positive that Joan is a liar, a thief (she stole hundreds of dollars from me 3 years before she attempted to con my sister out of $500.00).

so hey Von – go right ahead – keep up your support of Joan. Just know you’re dealing with a socio-path and chronic liar.

eagoodlifeAug 9, 10:45 am says on their blog

Why? None of us adoptees are repsonsible in any way for Joan, what she says or does, thinks or believes.
and Gert replies…

ah but the general public does…that’s call PR work…when someone who is a known liar, who does dirty deeds to their own blood relatives, it behooves others to take stock of who is supporting them…character and past behavior speaks volumes…

good luck with your ventures, but get rid of Joan Wheeler’s support

well I suppose Von is an adult and can pick and chose his friends and his associates. I was just pointing out that Joan does the adoption reform movement no good with her bullying behavior. It took Dr. Hoksbergen several years to figure it out.

eagoodlife says:

August 9, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Thank you Gert. Joan has no influence here in Australia and believe me what you list as her misdeeds in your family are a small picture compared with the things we Aussie adoptees witness and suffer every day at the hands of others.

Gert says

I am not unaware of what has happened to your indigenous peoples or to others around the globe and am glad that indigenous people are reclaiming their ancestral rights. Believe it or not I am totally against the disruption of cultures and families and have fought against injustices myself. One family destroyed by Joan Wheeler is one too many…we found her, welcomed her into our families and she systematically destroyed each and every relationship within the families and then decades later writes libel against everyone! Btw…she believes she has influence EVERYWHERE because she believes herself to be a great liberator of all adoptees!  

Von says: “Thank you Gert. Joan has no influence here in Australia and believe me what you list as her misdeeds in your family are a small picture compared with the things we Aussie adoptees witness and suffer every day at the hands of others.”

I answer:
Von, this is NOT a contest as to who has been hurt, or what hurt has been done. – the bottom line is: We have been hurt by Joan Wheeler, who then turns around and says that adoptees should not be hurt.

So let me get this straight – if adoptees are hurt and wrongs committed against them, it’s okay to talk about those hurts and demand those wrongs be rectified and apologies demanded for. But others are not allowed to talk about their hurts and demand that the wrongs committed against them be rectified and apologies not demanded for?

That’s a rather hypocritical viewpoint and callous too. “oh you have pain?, well MY pain is more than YOUR pain, so you need to stop talking about it and listen to my complaints.”

The bottom line is that NObody should be suffering pain. And if a person has pain, they don’t have the right to turn around and inflict pain on someone else – especially someone who had nothing to do with that person’s pain.

I was only three years old when Joan was given up for adoption. I had nothing to do with her adoption. When we were reuntied with her, I opened my life and heart to her. I did nothing to her. What did I get in return? Theft, lies, stalking, harassment, my job jeapordized, attempts to break me and my fiance up, attempts to ruin my reputation with slanderous letters written to various elected officials. And many many filthy lies told about me in her book. – WHY? Because I had the good fortune to NOT be adopted and later on in my adult life I set boundaries on Joan by telling her that I will not tolerate lies and thefts?

Joan then gets on the internet and promotes herself as a “social worker” (she never worked a day in her life AS a social worker) – who promotes rights for adoptees – rights against abuse – yet she turns around and heaps abuse on her birth family.

She talks endlessly about the rights of birthmothers – that they should not be coerced into giving their babies up for adoption – talking about the sacred bond between babies and mothers. Yet what did she do in her book? Made a mockery of MY infertility and miscarriage of my son. – Yes, she wrote “at one point she (me) claimed to want to have children.” – no, she knew that I was activiely trying to get pregnant. – then she wrote “it was just as well she didn’t get pregnant.” – What kind of hateful remark is that? About her own birth sister? After she writes such passionate pieces about the sacred bonds between fetuses and newborns and their mothers. To be saying that families should not be torn apart by adoption, siblings seperated – yet writes such hateful things about her own sibling!

Like I said Von – you’re an adult – if you want to associate with such a snake – who am I to stop you. Just remember – you are the company you keep.

in an email exchange with Gert this morning, regarding my last comment, Gert wrote:

“it does amaze me how one-sided these people are…only their pain and suffering matters…”

I have thought about this in the past and I think these adoptees, despite all their noble talk about causes are basically cold and heartless. They have been hurt and wounded by the world – they are angry at the world – so they will take it out on every one around them. And to hell with anyone they hurt, THEY hurt and they don’t CARE that anybody else hurts. It makes me sick to see this much apathy and selfishness. It makes me sick to see how Joan write about “causes” – yeah, we all know the crap done to indigenous peoples by missionaries, and I’m not going there. If a shooting in a movie theatre or a peaceful temple doesn’t make you cry, if hurting your family gives you joy – you are a pitiful person. You can go on and on about your causes, but when you yourself have caused pain to someone close to you, you are worthless.

this song is dedicated to Joan – substitute the word sister, cousin, for the word friend. Are you proud of yourself Joan?

Easy to Be Hard
from the musical Hair (Ragni- Rado)

How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold

How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no

And especially people
Who care about strangers
Who care about evil
And social injustice
Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd?
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend

How can people be so heartless
You know I’m hung up on you
Easy to give in
Easy to help out

And especially people
Who care about strangers
Who say they care about social injustice
Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend

How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no

This song was featured in the rock opera Hair and was a number one hit by the group Three Dog Night.
but you know, I really have to wonder how much Joan cares about “social injustice.”

Read what she wrote in her book on page 302 describing me and my efforts to make my neighborhood a clean and safe place to live. “….(she) wrote letters to the editor (of our newspaper) about cleaning up the East Side, showing her pride in where she lived, even though it was in a state of decline, and applauding the work of her legislators.”

And why shouldn’t I be proud of where I live? And yeah, my neighborhood was in a state of decline, that’s why I and my husband and our friends across the street started a petition drive and I delivered it to the mayor of Buffalo – it was for rodent control. We got over 100 signatures and I also attended Buffalo Common Council meetings about the problem, serving on a citizen’s committee, recommending which garbage totes the city should purchase. These big blue totes are now given to each house in the city and now we have smaller green totes for recycling.

In 1997, I organized and headed up a block club to combat crime and other quality of life issues.

But listen – the passage that Joan wrote above was NOT in praise of me – it was written in a critical stance. Where she was mocking my desire to have children. She quotes me as saying “I don’t know how you have time to take care of kids” (along with other things Joan does). Which was a totally rhetorical question. How many times have YOU readers seen a woman with say 6 kids and wonder how she does it? – That was the point I was making. But no, Joan takes my question and twists it into something ugly. She writes, “I don’t have children and I barely have time to go to work and keep up with housecleaning. If I had kids, I wouldn’t have time for my projects.” – which is something I know I never said. As to housekeeping and my job – yeah, I work the night shift as a nurses’ aide, not as a billing clerk in the daytime as Joan reports in her book. Try working 11pm to 7am, get home, get 4 hours sleep and get woken up by noisy neighbors blasing their home and car stereos against the city’s noise ordinances. This is what propelled me into the block club activities. Try cleaning and renovating a two story house with basement and front and back yard on 4 hours sleep and have to go work again that night. I may have said something to that effect – but I never said anything about not having time for kids. NEVER!

Joan continues to sum up my hobbies of belly dancing and learning about the Middle East culture. Gee, I didn’t know that was such a crime. She herself was a member of the Buffalo Indian Dance Group and studied Native American cultures. And her own son majored in Oriental Studies in college. Why was MY interest in a foreign culture wrote about? Because it involved ARABS? Remember this book was written AFTER the attacks on September 2001. She even went out of her way to write that my dance troup was a local Yemeni dance troupe. Not so! It was a local belly dance group – and yes, we specialized in folk dances, but not of Yemen – we learned folk dances of Morocco, Tuniisia and other places. Why was Yemen pointed out? Because Yemen was the country from which the attack on the US ship USS Cole was launched from? Joan even says that by 1992 I was completely immersed in the Arab culture. OH? Really? I lived with my first husband from 1975 to 1985. And yes, he was from Yemen. And no, he was not a terrorist. He was a very gentle soul. In 1987, I moved in with my present husband, in our present house. John is not Arab. But yes, we still have many Arab friends. So what? And yeah, I studied the Islam religion and studied some basic Arabic. So what? I also study the Japanese culture and language.

Joan continues to write about my hobbies saying that I found time for my science fiction and horror reading and movies. So? What did she want me do? Just sit on my couch and twiddle my thumbs? In 1992, I was 40 years old. In 1980 my first husband and I began to try for a child. Nothing was happening. I started seeing a doctor. I never went to a fertility clinic as Joan writes elsewhere in her book, which contradicts her statement that I referred to earlier that she said that I merely claimed to want children. I mean, if I merely had claimed to want children, I wouldn’t be at a fertility clinic, now would I?

In 1985, Abdo and I broke up amicably. In the final act of romance we had, I finally got pregnant, only to have a miscarriage. It wasn’t until late in 1986 that my present husband and I became romantically involved. We discussed having children and agreed that if it happened, it would happen. We did not aggressively pursue the issue. And again, nothing happened. I wasn’t getting pregnant. Like I said, in 1992, I was 40 years and John was 49. We were getting a bit old to have children and hold down jobs.

So you see how Joan twists things around to slam me, my infertility, my son’s death, my hobbies, my life. – And what do things have to do with Joan’s adoption, our reunion, and her adoption reform work? NOTHING.

So here is Joan, political activist, social worker (uh-huh), champion of new mothers everywhere!!! And what does she do to her own blood sister? Go back and re-read what I just wrote and try to integrate those actions with someone who cares about strangers, who says they care about social injustice, but for her needing sister, – she trashes.

You want this hypocritical liar to represent your cause? ha ha ha. I laugh at your choice of representatives. But hey Von, like I said – it’s your choice. I’m gonna keep laughing at you and Joan.

eagoodlifeAug 10, 8:52 am

I was referring not to our indigenous peoples who have already had an apology for the damage done to them – The Stolen Generation – but to the hard road adoptees are treading with constant opposition, bullying, ridicule and hostility from a small group of mothers.Few people are aware of that outside the Aussie adoptee community.There are no liberators of adoptees. If all of us attained our civil rights we would still not be free of the lossdes and traumas of adoption which last for life.I have given you a fair hearing despite your family issues being nothing to do with this blog or this blogger. I won’t publish any more comments from you.
Gert here….And BECAUSE we the birth siblings have NO IDEA about any aspect of adoption issues we have no clue..about your or any one else’s issues.
ALL we are concerned with is the BEHAVIOR of Joan Wheeler. Whenever Joan Wheeler speaks out and USES OUR FAMILY to exploit and use to promote her cause in removing adoption around the world we will answer. We the birth siblings have had that same CONSTANT OPPOSITION, BULLYING, RIDICULE AND HOSTILITY from Joan Wheeler and other adoptees who seem to think that we are nothing but garbage because we told Joan Wheeler to get the hell out of  our lifes!
NOT EVERYONE WHO IS IN FAVOR OF ADOPTION IS THE BAD GUY….sometimes it is the ADOPTEE who is the bad guy.
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4 Comments
  1. what Von fails to understand – when he says that we should take our issues up with Joan – is that some of our issues are with those adoptees who continue to give support to Joan – who has been proven to be a liar, a slanderer, a harasser of her own birth family and others as well!

    Yeah, she can spin a good yarn sometimes. She can articulate quite reasonably about SOME things – but then ruins things by repeating her own flawed accounting of the circumstances of her adoption. She continues to promote “kinship” care as THE only and successful option to adoption!

    But she fails to say that when it came to her OWN adoption, that option was simply NOT feasible!

    THERE WAS NO ONE IN OUR EXTENDED FAMILY WHO COULD CARE OF HER. She refuses to accept that fact.

    Any advocate of any movement needs to have their facts straight, or else they will end up looking like a fool and bring down those they wish to represent. And we have seen this over and over with Joan. We have seen her in action on internet discussion groups. Her antagonism gets her in hot water even with other adoptees! She has been kicked off some forums because of her unreasonable arguments. A couple of adoptees have even said sarastically to her “thanks a lot, for making us adoptees look like idiots.” – or words to that effect.

    She has lost the support of professional people – even her longtime friend Dr. Rene Hoksbergen who wrote the forward to her libelous book. She sent him a 2006 manuscript. But the finished manuscript, from 2009, contained a lie about me and Dr. Hoksbergen – that in 1998 he came to my house and I yelled and screamed at him, and my husband gave him filthy looks. These events NEVER happened! And in 1993, she drew Dr. Hoksbergen into her attempt to extort money from our sister who lives in England. She lied to him and told him that to ship my sisters belongings to England would cost about $500.00. And whined to him to write to my sister for this money. But she failed to tell him that my sister had sent her a money order for $50.00 to start with – then Joan refused to send the belongings, and pocketed the $50.00. It was my father who evenutally shipped the things to England for a total cost of $150.00. And my wise father mailed the reciepts to my sister. These receipts, along with Dr. Hoksbergen’s letter quoting the $500.00 figure and Joan’s letter acknowledging her receipt of the $50.00 money order were scanned and posted on our blogs. – proof positive that Joan is a liar, a thief (she stole hundreds of dollars from me 3 years before she attempted to con my sister out of $500.00).

    so hey Von – go right ahead – keep up your support of Joan. Just know you’re dealing with a sociopath and chronic liar.

  2. well I suppose Von is an adult and can pick and chose his friends and his associates. I was just pointing out that Joan does the adoption reform movement no good with her bullying behavior. It took Dr. Hoksbergen several years to figure it out.

  3. Von says: “Thank you Gert. Joan has no influence here in Australia and believe me what you list as her misdeeds in your family are a small picture compared with the things we Aussie adoptees witness and suffer every day at the hands of others.”

    I answer:
    Von, this is NOT a contest as to who has been hurt, or what hurt has been done. – the bottom line is: We have been hurt by Joan Wheeler, who then turns around and says that adoptees should not be hurt.

    So let me get this straight – if adoptees are hurt and wrongs committed against them, it’s okay to talk about those hurts and demand those wrongs be rectified and apologies demanded for. But others are not allowed to talk about their hurts and demand that the wrongs committed against them be rectified and apologies not demanded for?

    That’s a rather hypocritical viewpoint and callous too. “oh you have pain?, well MY pain is more than YOUR pain, so you need to stop talking about it and listen to my complaints.”

    The bottom line is that NObody should be suffering pain. And if a person has pain, they don’t have the right to turn around and inflict pain on someone else – especially someone who had nothing to do with that person’s pain.

    I was only three years old when Joan was given up for adoption. I had nothing to do with her adoption. When we were reuntied with her, I opened my life and heart to her. I did nothing to her. What did I get in return? Theft, lies, stalking, harassment, my job jeapordized, attempts to break me and my fiance up, attempts to ruin my reputation with slanderous letters written to various elected officials. And many many filthy lies told about me in her book. – WHY? Because I had the good fortune to NOT be adopted and later on in my adult life I set boundaries on Joan by telling her that I will not tolerate lies and thefts?

    Joan then gets on the internet and promotes herself as a “social worker” (she never worked a day in her life AS a social worker) – who promotes rights for adoptees – rights against abuse – yet she turns around and heaps abuse on her birth family.

    She talks endlessly about the rights of birthmothers – that they should not be coerced into giving their babies up for adoption – talking about the sacred bond between babies and mothers. Yet what did she do in her book? Made a mockery of MY infertility and miscarriage of my son. – Yes, she wrote “at one point she (me) claimed to want to have children.” – no, she knew that I was activiely trying to get pregnant. – then she wrote “it was just as well she didn’t get pregnant.” – What kind of hateful remark is that? About her own birth sister? After she writes such passionate pieces about the sacred bonds between fetuses and newborns and their mothers. To be saying that families should not be torn apart by adoption, siblings seperated – yet writes such hateful things about her own sibling!

    Like I said Von – you’re an adult – if you want to associate with such a snake – who am I to stop you. Just remember – you are the company you keep.

  4. in an email exchange with Gert this morning, regarding my last comment, Gert wrote:

    “it does amaze me how one-sided these people are…only their pain and suffering matters…”

    I have thought about this in the past and I think these adoptees, despite all their noble talk about causes are basically cold and heartless. They have been hurt and wounded by the world – they are angry at the world – so they will take it out on every one around them. And to hell with anyone they hurt, THEY hurt and they don’t CARE that anybody else hurts. It makes me sick to see this much apathy and selfishness. It makes me sick to see how Joan write about “causes” – yeah, we all know the crap done to indigenous peoples by missionaries, and I’m not going there. If a shooting in a movie theatre or a peaceful temple doesn’t make you cry, if hurting your family gives you joy – you are a pitiful person. You can go on and on about your causes, but when you yourself have caused pain to someone close to you, you are worthless.

    this song is dedicated to Joan – substitute the word sister, cousin, for the word friend. Are you proud of yourself Joan?

    Easy to Be Hard
    from the musical Hair (Ragni- Rado)

    How can people be so heartless
    How can people be so cruel
    Easy to be hard
    Easy to be cold

    How can people have no feelings
    How can they ignore their friends
    Easy to be proud
    Easy to say no

    And especially people
    Who care about strangers
    Who care about evil
    And social injustice
    Do you only
    Care about the bleeding crowd?
    How about a needing friend?
    I need a friend

    How can people be so heartless
    You know I’m hung up on you
    Easy to give in
    Easy to help out

    And especially people
    Who care about strangers
    Who say they care about social injustice
    Do you only
    Care about the bleeding crowd
    How about a needing friend?
    I need a friend

    How can people have no feelings
    How can they ignore their friends
    Easy to be hard
    Easy to be cold
    Easy to be proud
    Easy to say no

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