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Insult or not…why should Joan Wheeler and other angry adoptees feel that adoption is a trauma?

by on August 11, 2012

We have all heard it…sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me! And yes, we all know that it is easier said than done…to ignore insults and other words. And yes, people will say things to adoptees, and other people, as an insult, that are derogatory, nasty and plain mean. People do terrible things to each other, but, that doesn’t mean that you must hang on to that ‘trauma’. To live in this world, a person has to develop a real thick skin or they will always find something as an insult and/or a trauma.

A person has to begin to understand that in some cases their personal stand against something could be an exercise in futility and be the source of the trauma that they have. Case in point is this nonsense that Joan Wheeler has that adoption is a trauma! Nothing in this world is perfect. Even giving her the benefit that she lost something, even though she gained it back and by her own malicious actions destroyed it, adoption is NOT trauma! It’s all in your perspective.
Furthermore, for Joan Wheeler, to insist that us birth siblings, suffer the trauma of adoption, is nothing but pure bullshit! Joan keeps spreading the lies about us and misrepresents us siblings ONLY to keep her own warped sense of trauma alive. Truth is that Joan’s adoption has nothing to do with us, her separation and removal from our lives did not cause us any trauma! What is the source of our traumas are Joan’s own behaviors towards us! We all turned our backs on her over and over and over again…because she kept coming back…and then Joan wrote a libelous book…that is the source of our trauma, that BOOK.
But as we see Joan will never get the reality…and so we have to keep telling the truth!
From the public forum of Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change…
Title: being adopted as an insult Post by: w5 on November 13, 2010, 01:29:23 PM
When i see something on tv and someone will be like well your adopted and the live audience will be like ooooo i will instantly turn it off.
also, when someone uses it as an insult around me im really hurt by it but try not to show it. i got really mad at my boyfriend the other day because he did it. am i being too sensitive?
Title: Re: being adopted as an insult Post by: 1adoptee on November 13, 2010, 01:53:12 PM
No, you are not being over sensitive. It is because we are sensitive too adoption issues that hightens our awareness. It is okay to feel this because the trauma of adoption loss happened to you. You are feeling it. It is real. Other adoptees feel it too.
Gert here:
Right! the great and wonderful wizard of sensitivity, Joan Wheeler, soothes another who feels insulted and traumatized!
Everyone has some issue or two that they are more sensitive to (note the correct word choice) and have heighten (note the correct spelling) awareness of, but those issues really do need to be placed in a proper prospective for reality sake. While it is okay to recognize your feelings, to become whole and healthy is to overcome the negativity, of any given feeling. It is not healthy to hang on to all this trauma. It is a self-full- filled prophesy that is creating this trauma…they see adoption as a trauma and therefore it is.
What Joan does here is just to confirm that the adoptee is feeling a loss and that it is real. Okay! Fine! But where is the remedy? Where is the hope of recovery? Where is the feel-good (things will get better) that every human being wants, even in the face of trauma?
Joan consistently complains that she has never been able to grieve properly or was never allowed to get over her issues about her trauma of being adopted. And, she is doing the same thing here to this person…just keep the trauma REAL and ALIVE…let’s NOT FIX it!
This is a perfect example of HOW not to fix your emotions and state of mind. Instead of offering hope of better things and/or ways and means of getting help, all Joan can do is tell this person and others, that the trauma of adoption loss is real and it happened to you and others feels it too….in other words…stay as sick as you are! And, in Joan’s case, keep telling yourself and the world that your siblings are traumatized by your adoption!
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