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Hoarding…another aspect of trouble within Joan Wheeler’s early life

by on August 21, 2012
 On a ‘print page’ from the public forum Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change…I found the following, date is unknown.
Hoarder on A&E just admitted to surrendering a child
(2/3)
1adoptee:
My adoptive father was a hoarder. He lost his father at age 11 and had to scrounge for food and other people’s trash to fix up. This was pre-depression. Our house was okay when I was growing up, but he kept his stuff in a shed and the basement. It was hard when he died as he had filled the garage. My AMom had to hire a trucker to unload 13 truck loads of stuff. Yeah, the whole family suffers.
bandm:
I think part of it for me, besides the history of poverty (which is common among hoarders) is feeling like I’m not worth anything. I’m sure that’s not unusual for a woman who’s never met her father. Having things made me feel valuable somehow.
1adoptee:
This is so sad. About loss, again and again… :grlcry:
Gert’s comment:
Yes, I well remember the condition of that garage, when I saw it in the 70’s. I don’t think I was at that house but a couple of times. I do recall that it seemed strange to have so much junk in the garage; I didn’t know about hoarding at the time. From everything I’ve learned, in recent years, from people who have been there, is that that house was NEVER upgraded, it still looks like a 1950 house.
Joan doesn’t really ‘get’ this issue…she doesn’t really address the issue of the hoarding of her adopted father. ALL Joan sees is that the whole family suffers and This is so sad. About loss, again and again...She can only see how the inner demons of her adopted father cause HER PAIN, she never recognized the man’s pain, only her own!
Hoarding, to extremes, can have it’s beginnings in a person’s early life and the conditions of early life can shed a great deal about the adult. We are all familiar with people, from the ‘depression’ years, holding on to things. We can all appreciate that. Even those that have had other types of losses, from fire or natural disasters, will keep property forever. But when it gets into the extremes, we are then dealing with a very different animal. Joan’s adopted father had more than a hoarding problem. He was a closet alcoholic. I’m not telling tales out of school here, like Joan does, for she wrote about it in that disgusting book! Oh yes, she exploited everyone, birth family and adopted family. The man was also browbeaten, by his wife and by his adopted daughter…Joan! The man was afraid of his own wife and daughter! Why else would he put up with, not one but two, raving woman, right up to the time of his early death! Talk about loss! Why doesn’t Joan explain, to these other adoptees, how she browbeat this man and argued with her adopted mother at the man’s sick bed!
Joan doesn’t realize how much of her own ‘illnesses’ have been caused by those adopted parents. Joan is the product of her environment and not by adoption. It was just the whim of the Fates, that she GOT those two people to adopt her! She was raised with two very mentally sick people. If you listen to Joan she will tell you plenty of episodes that point to that, in addition to her complaints that the birth family, in particular the sisters, caused her untold amount of torment. Joan was just looking for other scape-goats that’s why she used the birth sisters; we didn’t live with her nor had any responsibility to take care of her like the adopted parents did! If Joan was NOT adopted she would have had a very different kind of a life, for sure. But…we can’t change HISTORY…she was adopted and she was adopted by THOSE people, that is why Joan is so sick and why she has to find some reason, adoption, as the cause of her sicknesses.
Every person has some kind of horror story about their parents and how they were raised. Every childhood is a product of the time/place and parents of their birth…we can’t escape that. We just have to learn how to accept those factors and accept how they have ‘shaped’ ourselves. We gain nothing if we can only see those factors as a loss or as a suffering. Actually, they can become ‘strength’ of character and points of inner ‘wisdom’.
No…it’s Joan’s loss that she can not accept her adoption and her upbringing. Joan has no strength of character or any wisdom…because she chooses to stay in the loss and suffering part of life.
Oh well…it’s her loss, now isn’t it!
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