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Joan Wheeler knows about personal boundaries…NOT.

by on October 9, 2012

On the public forum, for Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, which functions not as a voice for change and improvements, but for and as a voice of self-loathing and browbeating, bullying and other negative actions against pro-adoption folks, had a topic about ‘reunions’. Joan, as 1adoptee, answers a couple of comments, here. Joan’s words are in the second paragraph, in italics.

Title: Re: Like reunion isn’t weird enough…
Post by: 1adoptee on February 21, 2011, 04:57:29 PM

Quote from: j on Today at 11:24:28 AM
I’d only say that you should probably be pretty clear about boundaries. Let him know that you are there to listen to him, but that’s all that you can do. yup. Unfortunately, there are times when we have members in both of our families who are toxic.
This x100.
All too familiar. Problem is, if you don’t take control of your life, they will control you. Seems like you’ve got some idea of how to gain control for yourself. Don’t let it get out of hand. I know from what happened to me that other people can easily control the adoptee’s life. Rumors, put downs, real invasion of privacy and your personal life. Coming in here and writing about it and asking for advise is the best thing you could do for yourself: I wish I had this place when both my adoptive family and natural family took control over my life for decades. They are still at it amongst themselves. I refuse to play along. Keep your self respect and your sanity intact

 Gert here:

Oh Joan knows NOTHING about boundaries. Who does she think she is kidding?? What a liar! What a fool! Does she really believe that people, even those on this forum, believe her…after…all that we, the birth siblings, have proven about her? Well…the above was written in February of 2011 and at that time Joan still believed that she was being harassed by us and her lying book was still available. Joan mistakes our blog posts as harassment. But, as we all know now, that all changed, for in May of 2011, when the publisher REMOVED that lying libelous book from their market, it proved what we have been saying along…Joan Wheeler is a liar.

So, let’s take a closer look at Joan’s words.

 Problem is, if you don’t take control of your life, they will control you.

Just like Joan NOT to take control of her own life! Since when did we, the birth siblings, control her life? I certainly never did, in fact I tried and tried to get her OUT OF MY LIFE. She was the one who interfered with my parental authority, condemned me for adopting my son, called 2 false child abuse reports on me. I banished her from my life in 1981, but she kept coming around causing trouble, even after I DID tried to make peace she turned those overtures into more harassment!

Ruth and Kathy each have had horrible things happen to them by Joan and tried and tried for years to get Joan away from them!

It was Joan who wrote a tell-all, lying book, not us. Writing a book of and about family members, most of which was based on lies and hate, is certainly NOT taking control of one’s life. It is an example of Joan being totally out of bounds…in other words…she violated every one’s boundaries when she published a lying hateful book.

 Don’t let it get out of hand

As I just said, by publishing a lying book, she let it get out of hand. She opened the door for full disclosure, by us, of her own words and deeds. Joan could have prevented MUCH of any of the tensions between family members and herself over the years but….she CHOOSE not to. Joan was the one who continued harassing and causing trouble. Joan knows NOT how to keep things under control and peaceful.

 I know from what happened to me that other people can easily control the adoptee’s life

She certainly does! Except she doesn’t understand that it is not and was not OTHER people who took control of her life. She OWNS her life, no one else does and if someone controlled her, that is her fault. How could I have controlled her life? I told her more than once to ‘get the hell out of my life, I want nothing to do with you’. She would not listen, she tried to control MY LIFE. The same with Ruth and Kathy and our brother and our father…we all told her to leave us alone but she kept causing trouble….and then she wrote a lying hateful book. That’s not what I would consider controlling her own life, by lying about others and exposing and exploiting them. As far as the adopted family is concerned…Joan lived with them, not me and if Joan couldn’t free herself from them that is Joan’s problem. As far as the men in Joan life is concerned…Joan CHOOSE them and put up with their abuse, she could have easily left and been free…but…Joan is weak person who NEEDS to be the victim.

 Rumors, put downs, real invasion of privacy and your personal life.

It’s always about her! If she is talking about her adoptive family that’s one thing…I and the rest of the birth family have nothing to do with that. If she is talking about some of us in the birth family telling her to ‘leave us alone’ that’s another thing. We most certainly told her that she is a liar, a thief, a bullying, a harasser, a con-artist, an exploiter and more. If she is so concerned about her personal life and privacy…why…WHY…did she write a lying hate filled book? Talk about dumb and stupid….who MADE her write that book?

 I wish I had this place when both my adoptive family and natural family took control over my life for decades.

What a public pity-party! What nonsense! Joan has been in therapy for decades, a place where she was able to explore this issue but it has done her no good because she doesn’t want to get better. Joan NEEDS to have this fanasty about being the victim and that everyone from both families TOOK CONTROL over her. What bullshit!

 They are still at it amongst themselves.

Does she mean our refuting her lies and setting the record straight? At the time she wrote this she did not know that we were in contact with the publisher of that book. So yes she is correct in that we were still at it, but, not amongst ourselves, we made sure that that lying book was pulled and that as many people as possible knew what a liar and exploiter she is!

 I refuse to play along

She does? Not true…she attempted many times, after this writing, to counter our actions, on the public forum and on public web sites. Joan reads our blogs regularly. She come in Feb of 2012 to MY blog leaving a hate comment, we made that public. See bottom of this post for links to this comment and our responses. She enlisted a friend, Russ Thomas, to create a hate-blog against us,which is still up. In April of 2012 she enlisted her friend Brian Maloney, to create a hate-blog against us, which is still up; he also went on the Buffalo News site and left a hate post against us. Yep, she refuses to play along…she just gets others to do her dirty work and lies to others that she isn’t doing anything!

 Keep your self respect and your sanity intact

She has? Joan has no self-respect or she would never have written that lying book. She doesn’t even put herself in any favorable light. And she should not talk about sanity cause she has lost her’s a long time ago.

As I’ve said….Joan Wheeler knows about personal boundaries…NOT.

See…My blog post where Joan leaves a comment:

We told Joan Wheeler to kill herself!! NOT on February 25, 2012

and these answers…

Joan Wheeler decides to speak to her sisters. She MUST be needing attention! on March 6, 2012

The SCA – what is it? and why is Joan Wheeler afraid of Thor? on March 9, 2012

A photograph of Joan Wheeler is proof of one of her lies – a follow-up to my blogpost about the SCA onMarch 12, 2012

A Lulu of a looloo! Joan Wheeler’s escapades at Lulu’s Roadhouse. on March 11, 2012

Figures of Speech and We Tell Joan Wheeler to kill herself…NOT! Part 2 on March 23, 2012

Big Bad Russ speaks – (Joan Wheeler sics her boyfriend on us) – too bad we found it a year and a half later – well, better late than never. on March 13, 2012

http://defendingjoanwheeler.blogspot.com/

Yes…Joan Wheeler knows no boundaries!  She is a real piece of work!

Ruth

Joan is living the life that SHE chose. I don’t make her decisions for her. If her life is miserable – SHE chose it – not me.

JOAN chose to do stupid things. JOAN chose to write a book. JOAN chose to write lies in that book. I have Buffalo City Court documents that prove she lied in the book. AND I have numerous letters that Joan herself wrote to me – harassing letters, lying letters – letters that JOAN chose to write.

In January 2013, despite her boasting that she refuses to “play along” – on The Huffington Post, she wrote an interesting comment. – IN November 2012 a letter was sent to my employer – falsely accusing me of computer fraud. On January 22, 2013, JOAN chose to admit on public internet on The Huffington Post that it was she who sent that letter. She also choose to add another stupid false accusation in that comment – that I am calling FROM MY EMPLOYER to “make appointments” for her. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I work the overnight shift – 7pm to 7am. By the time I get in the building, departments that would make appointments are CLOSED! And even if I were in the building in the afternoon, I cannot waltz into a department, sit a desk, and call her and make appointments.

On January 4, 2013, I had a meeting in Human Resources and was told about this letter. They didn’t tell me until after the holidays, so that I could enjoy my holidays. – BUT – when the letter arrived, yes, the hospital did investigate Joan’s allegations of my commiting computer fraud. Result – I WAS FOUND INNOCENT of these latest lies and harassments of me that Joan Wheeler CHOSE to do.

These things are formerly classified AS A CRIME – “Aggravated harassment 2 – phone/telegraph/ written communication to alarm” — Police complaint made by me on January 23, 2013.

And now we go to court – let Joan tell the judge how she “refuses to play along” or she doesn’t “interfere with my life.” Or she doesn’t continuously lob false accusastions at me – and hasn’t done that for years – she wrote letters and made phone calls to my employer back in 1987, 1990, 1994, 1995. – Stupid – Joan refuses to realize that computer technology can trace every keystroke I do – and that after 40 years in the same job, I haven’t developed a reputation of respect at my hospital – because I come in to work, do what I’m supposed to do, and don’t do what I’m not supposed to do.

Joan can’t seem to accept the fact that I am not like her – I have morals and values – which she clearly does not.

Joan CHOSE to disrespect MY personal boundary – calling my job – and now she pay for it.

kimberlyharding permalink

Boundaries are a complete mystery to some people. I truly wonder if someone like this will ever “get” it.

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3 Comments
  1. Joan is living the life that SHE chose. I don’t make her decisions for her. If her life is miserable – SHE chose it – not me.

    JOAN chose to do stupid things. JOAN chose to write a book. JOAN chose to write lies in that book. I have Buffalo City Court documents that prove she lied in the book. AND I have numerous letters that Joan herself wrote to me – harassing letters, lying letters – letters that JOAN chose to write.

    In January 2013, despite her boasting that she refuses to “play along” – on The Huffington Post, she wrote an interesting comment. – IN November 2012 a letter was sent to my employer – falsely accusing me of computer fraud. On January 22, 2013, JOAN chose to admit on public internet on The Huffington Post that it was she who sent that letter. She also choose to add another stupid false accusation in that comment – that I am calling FROM MY EMPLOYER to “make appointments” for her. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I work the overnight shift – 7pm to 7am. By the time I get in the building, departments that would make appointments are CLOSED! And even if I were in the building in the afternoon, I cannot waltz into a department, sit a desk, and call her and make appointments.

    On January 4, 2013, I had a meeting in Human Resources and was told about this letter. They didn’t tell me until after the holidays, so that I could enjoy my holidays. – BUT – when the letter arrived, yes, the hospital did investigate Joan’s allegations of my commiting computer fraud. Result – I WAS FOUND INNOCENT of these latest lies and harassments of me that Joan Wheeler CHOSE to do.

    These things are formerly classified AS A CRIME – “Aggravated harassment 2 – phone/telegraph/ written communication to alarm” — Police complaint made by me on January 23, 2013.

    And now we go to court – let Joan tell the judge how she “refuses to play along” or she doesn’t “interfere with my life.” Or she doesn’t continuously lob false accusastions at me – and hasn’t done that for years – she wrote letters and made phone calls to my employer back in 1987, 1990, 1994, 1995. – Stupid – Joan refuses to realize that computer technology can trace every keystroke I do – and that after 40 years in the same job, I haven’t developed a reputation of respect at my hospital – because I come in to work, do what I’m supposed to do, and don’t do what I’m not supposed to do.

    Joan can’t seem to accept the fact that I am not like her – I have morals and values – which she clearly does not.

    Joan CHOSE to disrespect MY personal boundary – calling my job – and now she pay for it.

  2. Boundaries are a complete mystery to some people. I truly wonder if someone like this will ever “get” it.

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  1. Joan Wheeler refuses to understand and respect personal boundaries « Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family –

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