abuser, adoption, adoption reunions, birth/adoptive families, blaming people for your own mess, Brian Maloney Williamsville NY, browbeating people over adoption, bullying, change your life, co-dependency, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, dead book, embellishing the truth, family honor, intimidation, whining, worthlessness
comments on my guest post on birthmothers4adoption, that relate to Joan Wheeler’s adoption and the birth family
I felt that it was important to bring, comments to my guest post, forward for all to see, on their own…separate from the post I wrote. These comments come from people that have known me for decades, know my life and my values and their opinions mean more to me than any other persons, behind my sisters Ruth and Kathy, who have been battlemates with me against Joan Wheeler who has violated our family’s honor.
Now, after my guest post was published, on birthmothers4adoption, and I reblogged it on my own blog, I sent it to a friends of mine, who shall remain unknown, to get their reaction. This is their response to what I wrote.
This is powerful stuff, congratulations. I can see why those who have been there done that would love it, as well as why it’s not for the nervous nellies, ninny-nannies or the squeamish, but that does tend to be the nature of truth bombs; deal with it. You can carp and cavil all you want, but at some point all BS-powered ifs ands and buts run into a brick wall of reality, especially human reality. Painful messages, when their narrative arc basically has to be that shit happens, but messages a lot of people really need to hear, because, well, shit really does happen, and a hole in the sand is the place for that, not your head. Can’t we all just get along? Answer: No. Why? Because we’re bad people, that’s why. Life is a bitch and then you die. We’re born in pain, we live in fear and we die alone; Merry Christmas.
It’s nice that it could be a message from the voice of experience and find a home with someone who understands and appreciates its significance, in a place where it could grow some legs and be useful to others, whom it would be bound to hit right between the eyes. Some will recognize and appreciate its truth that they know for themselves the hard way, and they will say bravo. For others who never heard it before and need to, it might be the wakeup call that finally inspires them to snap out of it and get over themselves.
For other whiners who just can’t get off the tit of holy mother church or whoever, it will of course be just another nastygram from Satan’s Little Helper, but that, of course, is their problem, as just their latest, so don’t worry, they’ll pray for you! (If they tell you, just thank them and tell them to ask God to give you a pony.)
Needless to say, they might better just thank you for the free course in Survivorology 101.
And then I sent it to another friend of mine, who shall remain unknown; this is their response to me, which I had placed on my post.
BTW the greeting ‘wassail’ means ‘be you healthy’
Wow…that is powerful stuff. You really “told it like it is.” Sure it’s strong, but then you are talking about some pretty harsh realities and strong emotions. I think it takes courage, self awareness, and wisdom to be able to talk openly about such things in such a dispassionate, matter-of-fact way. I hope it makes the blog readers stop and think.
It’s obvious from your post and the relpy to it that there is a whole debate going on I was not aware of over adoption. There is bound to be lots of emotion mixed into such a debate–people’s self-identities at stake, all the childhood traumas and the resentments that built up over the years. It’s got to help to have such a straightforward telling of a personal story. You clearly show that there are no easy choices in such matters, but that there are situations in which adoption makes sense, and people can go that route in a sincere effort to provide the best they can for a child.
Thanks for sharing this. I think it is a good and valuable piece, and it really shows your strength–that gal is right: you are a warrior!