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What do Petraeus and Joan Wheeler have in common? Narcissism!!

by on November 20, 2012

In other words they have, just to mention a few:

the personal belief that only they can make the world over into their imagine; little god complex

they have an over-abundance of  and a misplaced self-love; no one else matters, except what they want

the belief that the world will benefit from their words, deeds and most importantly…

what they have done in the name of a social cause takes them above the limits of human nature and laws of decency

Like everyone else, I know next to nothing about Petraeus, BUT, I certainly do know a lot about Joan!

There is a sexual seductiveness of being in the spot-light, no matter how small the ‘stage’. Fans and followers and being in the right clubs are wonderful things. Nothing grabs at us like the attention that one receives from a fan. Problem is that tends to create a monster…you start believing in your own bullshit. To climb high, reaching higher and higher, but then, your ‘star’ fades and all that is left is for you to crash and burn.  I’ve seen many a rising star do just that, and unlike stars in the universe, a falling human star just ain’t pretty!

Yep, there is something to be learned by all of us by the fall from grace that Petraeus had.

And yep, again, anyone who knows anything about Joan Wheeler’s claim to fame as an adoption reform activist, a writer of a libelous book, and an out-spoken internet bully, need only to look at where she is today. Where is her publisher? Where are her friends? Where are her children? Where are her families (birth and adoptive)? Where’s her multiple of boy-friends and defenders? Where are her millions of dollars of an income she was getting from book sales and a movie deal? Gone! Because she lied from the get-go! She believed in her own bullshit and now she is belly up!

The following was in my local newspaper Nov 18, 2012

Was David Petraeus ensnared by narcissism?   By AMITY SHLAES

It was her six-minute mile that did it. Or her youth. That’s the assumption about the choice by David Petraeus, America’s most revered military statesman, to pursue an extramarital affair with Paula Broadwell, who co-wrote a biography of him.

After the announcement last week from Petraeus that he would resign his post as director of the Central Intelligence Agency because of the relationship, television and the Internet have been alive with descriptions of the physical allure of Broadwell, who is 20 years younger than Petraeus.

But a woman’s age or the time in which she runs a mile are probably not the primary explanations for Petraeus’ actions, just as they weren’t necessarily the main reasons that John Edwards or Jack Welch, for example, pursued their affairs. Age or looks matter, yet only secondarily. The force driving all these gents is probably something stronger than sex. What likely drives them is narcissism.

In myth, Narcissus was the hunter so beautiful that he fell in love with his own reflection. Narcissism occurs in modern life when an individual suffers from a need for affirmation of his or her own importance.

All successful people nurse some vanities. But to a serious narcissist, flattery becomes crucial to survival. He will be drawn to anyone who makes him like what he sees in the mirror. Narcissists gravitate especially toward anyone who supplies that flattery reliably or, even better, assures the narcissistic feed, providing something that elicits praise from others.

“All In,” Broadwell’s adulatory biography of Petraeus, was a media event that delivered multiple moments of gratification.

Edwards’ choice of a mistress was a video maker who was filming his presidential campaign, Rielle Hunter. Welch chose business editor Suzy Wetlaufer. She could help Welch spread Welch, the brand, post-General Electric, better than anyone. These women aren’t arm candy. They are mirrors or cameras.

Many theorists these days find some benefit in narcissistic leadership. Narcissists don’t have to be unfaithful. And they are often notable for great talent. Their desperation to produce the work that wins mega-recognition can pull forward a whole company.

In “The Productive Narcissist,” author Michael Maccoby argues that the egotism of executives such as Welch helps them undertake great projects and make their companies advance. Translate Maccoby’s concept over to the military, and the theory fits as well: Petraeus’ self-esteem gave him the courage to wage the controversial surge of troops in Iraq.

But narcissism has a dark side: It skews the judgment of the narcissist. With the news of his affair, against the rules of soldiering, Petraeus has already tarnished his incredible feats. It is this poor wager, and not the affair itself, that so many Petraeus fans resent.

There is evidence that similar damage can be wrought by narcissists in business. The presence of a narcissistic CEO tends to mean a company enjoys a lower return on assets than others, according to scholars Charles Ham, Nicholas Seybert and Sean Wang. Companies led by narcissists pay lower dividends to shareholders. They acquire too many companies due to the leader’s vain assumption that he or she can add value. The silent tragedy at many companies is the growth forgone due to the vanity of chief executives and another mirror, the board of directors.

To categorize someone who has achieved as much as Petraeus has feels wrong. Yet it isn’t a bad idea to try to understand narcissism — or vanity, the Victorian label many of us prefer.

Although most of us hesitate to diminish our heroes with labels, we can be assured that others quickly pick up the vulnerability of the narcissist and won’t hesitate to exploit it. At the CIA or in the corner office, the boss who doesn’t recognize his own narcissism and combat it is ceasing to be worthy of his rank. He is a leader on his way to becoming just another case.

Ruth

As usual, Gert is correct in her assessment of Joan.

In her narcissistic ARROGANCE – Joan thought she could lie and trash people in her book and gain money and fame from it. AND in her arrogance, she thought the truth would never come to light.

See that is what is so wonderful about the internet – social media and blogs! The people who were forced into silence 20-30 years ago now have a voice and are being heard!

Back in the day, whenever ANYone got into an arguement with Joan, she would silence her opponent. In person, it was done by screaming at them, on phone, it was done by slamming the phone down on them, by mail, she would rip up your letters and mail the pieces back to you.

You couldn’t even get anybody else to hear your side of the story, because she would run to: family and friends, elected officials, the police, the courts, and bombard them ad nauseaum with her lying tattle-tales that when the other person tried to defend themselves with the TRUTH and the FACTS – other people were all so sick of the situation they refused to listen to the TRUTH and the FACTS.

At one point, Joan wrote to me “I don’t care how many pieces of paper you have against me.” – Bet she cares now, because “those pieces of paper” that I have, I scanned into my computer and have posted them here on this blog. What are those pieces of paper? – Actual City of Buffalo court documents and letters to and from Joan Wheeler, some with Joan’s actual handwriting. And these “pieces of paper” tell a very different story than what Joan put forth in her lying trashy book.

Yes, the power of the internet and our blogs – our TRUTH and the FACTS are finally being put out there – and people are finally seeing the other side of the story.

Joan’s narcissistic arrogance about those pieces of paper spelled her doom.

Ruth

  • and as to the other narcissistic arrogant idiot that I recently got out of my life: she forgot all about the incriminating emails and facebook messages she sent me in November 2010, and throughout 2011 and 2012. She threatened me with a civil lawsuit last month – I say, go ahead, because like Joan, the only thing that will come out of it will be her downfall. People are onto her just as they are onto Joan. People are not stupid, (well, some people are) – and they are finally seeing Joan and this other person for what they are – liars, abusers, gossipers, troublemakers and mentally deranged individuals.

    I have gotten recently, separate unsolicited private facebook messages that say this about the two of them.

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3 Comments
  1. As usual, Gert is correct in assessment of Joan.

    In her narcissistic ARROGANCE – Joan thought she could lie and trash people in her book and gain money and fame from it. AND in her arrogance, she thought the truth would never come to light.

    See that is what is so wonderful about the internet – social media and blogs! The people who were forced into silence 20-30 years ago now have a voice and are being heard!

    Back in the day, whenever ANYone got into an arguement with Joan, she would silence her opponent. In person, it was done by screaming at them, on phone, it was done by slamming the phone down on them, by mail, she would rip up your letters and mail the pieces back to you.

    You couldn’t even get anybody else to hear your side of the story, because she would run to: family and friends, elected officials, the police, the courts, and bombard them ad nauseaum with her lying tattle-tales that when the other person tried to defend themselves with the TRUTH and the FACTS – other people were all so sick of the situation they refused to listen to the TRUTH and the FACTS.

    At one point, Joan wrote to me “I don’t care how many pieces of paper you have against me.” – Bet she cares now, because “those pieces of paper” that I have, I scanned into my computer and have posted them here on this blog. What are those pieces of paper? – Actual City of Buffalo court documents and letters to and from Joan Wheeler, some with Joan’s actual handwriting. And these “pieces of paper” tell a very different story than what Joan put forth in her lying trashy book.

    Yes, the power of the internet and our blogs – our TRUTH and the FACTS are finally being put out there – and people are finally seeing the other side of the story.

    Joan’s narcissistic arrogance about those pieces of paper spelled her doom.

  2. and as to the other narcissistic arrogant idiot that I recently got out of my life:
    she forgot all about the incriminating emails and facebook messages she sent me in November 2010, and throughout 2011 and 2012. She threatened me with a civil lawsuit last month – I say, go ahead, because like Joan, the only thing that will come out of it will be her downfall. People are onto her just as they are onto Joan. People are not stupid, (well, some people are) – and they are finally seeing Joan and this other person for what they are – liars, abusers, gossipers, troublemakers and mentally deranged individuals.

    I have gotten recently, separate unsolicited private facebook messages that say this about the two of them.

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