abuser, adoption reform, adoption reunions, being downright nasty, birth/adoptive families, blaming people for your own mess, browbeating people over adoption, browbeating to get your own way, change your life, co-dependency, cyberbullying, doing the right thing, family honor, Forbidden Family a book of lies, whining, worthlessness
Joan Wheeler/legitimate bastard gives us her views on ‘why do adoptees cut off contact???????’
Even some fellow adoptees have seen the REAL Joan behind that mask…read on!
Oh and her views are very telling. First we shall Joan’s words and then I shall comment on them.
BUT FIRST AN UPDATE, FEBRUARY 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…
NOW BACK TO THIS POST
legitimate bastard says…November 27, 2012 at 10:26 pm
Fear of people. Fear of being hurt – again. Fear of rejection.
Hearing yet one more insult, intended or not.
I can’t possibly live up to your expectations.
I don’t fit in.
No, you really don’t know me at all. If you did, you might not like “my bagage.”
Well, yes, this is who I am. I am an activist. No, I won’t be quiet. What’s that? You’re upset that I talk about adoption?
I know an adoptee who is perfectly happy…okay, you’re not listening to me.
If I tell you about myself, you’ll just walk away anyway.
Swear one more time. Okay, that’s the last time you say, “Those fucking bastards” in my presence. And no, you aren’t “a horney bastard” and because you said that, this date is over.
I do not want negative people in my life. If you put me down for being who I am, I’ll leave.
…That’s what’s on my mind right now. If I think of any more, I’ll be back. Thanks for asking the question.
Joan’s anger is so palpable and strong it jumps out at the reader; she is one with her anger! I’m awe-stuck! She is being all she can be; just another angry person determined to beat everyone up for not seeing the world as she does! Right on, babe! Show the world; give it your best shot! You only got perhaps another 20 years to live, if you’re lucky, make the worst of your anger while you can! We’re cheering you on!
The style is a mocking, of or to, someone, or perhaps several some ones, that were TRYING to reach her. Her statements inform everyone that she is like the old fat ugly sow; wallowing in their own shit! She is happier than a pig in shit! She doesn’t want any joy in her life; the feelings she has are hate and anger! And don’t ever attempt to take it away from her. Ever see a mad dog with a bone? It seems interesting that Joan’s words here are directed on someone she knows on a very personal level. Brian?! These words are not directed to us birthsiblings, for everyone already knows why she hates us! NO, this is personal, she had it out with a boy-friend and that is why she had the false courage to speak up to voice her anger…she sure SHOWED him!
Joan’s words are prefaced by >> and mine by ##
>>Fear of people. Fear of being hurt – again. Fear of rejection.
##Gee those fears aren’t so uncommon, we all have them. If a person is unwilling, which Joan is, to change those fears and self-imposed fetters into challenges to overcome she will never have any further growth. She is stuck in her self-made prison and she likes it! How many decades has Joan been in therapy to over these basic fears? She is pushing 60 she doesn’t have much more productive years left. Pity she wastes them on fear, hate and anger. The world is so vast, but, it is wasted on Joan for she loves her hate and anger.
>>Hearing yet one more insult, intended or not.
## Joan expects the insults, she’s hyper-vigilant for them, she is always ready to hear the insult. “intended or no” clearly shows that, she could care in the least what the other person’s intent was, how they ‘see’ and ‘hear’ her, all she KNOWS is what she wants from the other person…to see and hear her as the way she views herself. Anything contrary to her visions is insults! Don’t deviate from her vision. No one can win around Joan…we birthsiblings have been telling people that if you get too close to Joan you will indeed get burnt. There is only one person in Joan’s universe and that is HER!
>>I can’t possibly live up to your expectations.
# Stupid of someone, anyone, who has ever attempted to coach Joan in a new way of looking at life. She ‘can’t do it’ therefore she turns the tables, away from her own inabilities, putting the blame on the other person; typical Joan behavior patterns, she never takes responsibility for her own actions or inabilities. The other person has EXPECTATIONS that Joan could meet but she chooses to be UNCHANGEABLE. ‘You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear’. She is unchangeable. Don’t waste your time.
>>I don’t fit in.
##Well that okay! I don’t fit in either, in many places…so why be angry about that? Find some place where you DO FIT IN and quityabellyingaching! Boring, boring, boring, same old refrain…people are tired of hearing it already. Joan is the only one that doesn’t know it!
>>No, you really don’t know me at all. If you did, you might not like “my bagage.”
##There is some truth here…no one really knows Joan…she has many faces and she keeps the real one hidden until you CROSS HER. Her baggage! Yep she’s got lots of that! And she doesn’t want to get rid of it! She is grossly over weighted down in unneeded baggage! She is a hoarder of it, like her adoptive father was with physical ‘stuff’, she can’t bear to part with any of her ‘stuff’; like the childhood house that she still lives in! She is also an emotional hoarder like the adoptive mother was; quick to find faults, hammering away at anything that doesn’t fit her image of all those ‘shoulds and oughts’. She is very fond of laying down the guilt trips too; she’s very good at it. And then, there’s all that screaming and carrying on and letter writing and phone calls and going after people. Right, Joan’s baggage is not pretty. So why doesn’t she dump it all in Lake Erie and be done with the junk? Because she would not be Joan Wheeler without her baggage; no one parts Joan from her baggage…she is one with her baggage!
>>Well, yes, this is who I am. I am an activist. No, I won’t be quiet. What’s that? You’re upset that I talk about adoption?
##Yep this is who Joan Wheeler is, take her the way she is or ‘hit the road jack’! Joan doesn’t like to share the billing in her movie of ONE!
According to my dictionary; activism is the theory or practice based on militant action. Activist, a noun, is one who practices and holds to the theory of a militant action. Such militant actions will not achieve what Joan wishes to achieve, by the very fact that at a certain point militant activism turns people AWAY; they develop deafness to your militant angry hate-filled words.
No she won’t be quiet! She loves to tell her sad, sad, sad story. She is what she is and she will not allow anyone to tell her any differently. This sounds very personal to me! Is she ‘reliving’ an argument with someone who told her to ‘be quiet’? Tut, tut, never, ever, tell Joan to be quiet! The poor guy probably just wanted a nice quiet evening that would include getting ‘a little’ and perhaps other topics beside adoption…oh well that just will not do! She lives and breathes adoption and her anger and hate over it; she gets off on it. I can’t see making out with it like that! And of course, Joan is totally self-centered. She doesn’t care that the other person is UPSET, adoption topic or no. Joan has NO feelings for the other person, period. If she is NOT getting what she wants from you, you will PAY THE PRICE.
>> I know an adoptee who is perfectly happy…okay, you’re not listening to me.
##Wrong thing to say to Joan…she doesn’t want to know that anyone who is adopted is happy! Her hate is all she knows. This poor sucker has been trying to ‘reach’ some sort of ‘humanity’ within Joan…that’s gone, doesn’t exist. All she can do is mock the sentiment that has been offered to her as an alternative viewpoint. No, never, ever, tell Joan an alternative. Her mind is made up, she has spent all these years perfecting it and how dare another tell her to think differently.
>>If I tell you about myself, you’ll just walk away anyway.
##Here’s that fear of change again, fear of opening up to another human being and learning something new…like joy perhaps…like acceptance. Joan lives in a self-filled prophesy that everyone will walk away from her…and there is some TRUTH to that, for no one can be around that hate and anger for long, before they want a breath of fresh air…away from her.
>>Swear one more time. Okay, that’s the last time you say, “Those fucking bastards” in my presence. And no, you aren’t “a horney bastard” and because you said that, this date is over.
Why is Joan upset here? She calls herself legitimate bastard so what’s the problem? Problem is Joan doesn’t understand the OTHER meanings to the word bastard. She decides and declares that she is a ‘bastard’ and no one shall utter her name in vain. All bow down now, to God Joan!
I didn’t know that Joan was so sensitive to people swearing; she does it all the time. Her presence must be ‘holy’; why else the command of ‘that’s the last time you say…’ Blasphemy! How dare some say ‘those fucking bastards’ in the holy presence of God Joan, the legitimate BASTARD! Joan can’t even let go, have some fun and ‘get a little’ with someone! She obviously isn’t much fun on a date!
>>I do not want negative people in my life. If you put me down for being who I am, I’ll leave.
##She doesn’t want negative people in her life, because, she is the star of her own NEGATIVE show, and she doesn’t do double billing very well. Oh please Joan leave, if you can’t take the heat, get out! Save yourself for all that negativity from ever darkening your door step! Banish all negativity and people and KEEP your own! Nice deal!
>>…That’s what’s on my mind right now. If I think of any more, I’ll be back. Thanks for asking the question.
##That’s all?? Oh no…she’ll be back! Thanks Joan Wheeler for showing the world what you are made of.
I received an unsolicited facebook message on October 9, 2012. I will not publish the man’s name, but I’m sure due to the nature of the message, Joan will know who it is.
Conversation started October 9 4:53pm I moved in as Joan’s tenant 1 wk ago. As a victimized adoptee I felt I had quite a bit in common with Joan. I am now moving out as Joan scares the living hell out of me. And, yes, she is among other things a LIAR. Very short fuse, and blames everyone but herself. You wanna hear more write back to me. Joan is mentally deranged:-( November 17 4:36am Ruth Herr Sippel Pace I did not see your message until today – sorry that things did not work out with and Joan – you’re not the only person who can’t get along with her. November 18 1:02pm Ruth Herr Sippel Pace I don’t understand you were her tenant? how is that? – any time you need to vent .. Seen Nov 18
So this person saw my return messages on November 18, but has not gotten back to me. That’s ok – I don’t need anymore “Joan-Drama” anyway. This person is obviously NOT the same person Joan is raging about in her above comment, as this guy is a fellow-adoptee. And we see that even “fellow-adoptees” are scared of Joan, and sick of her LIES, her “very short fuse,” and her “blames(ing) everyone but herself.” AND a FELLOW ADOPTEE has noticed and said that “Joan is mentally deranged.”
It took this person ONE WEEK as her tenant to see for himself, what we have been telling the world the past 3 years on our blogs about Joan.
In less than six weeks, Joan will be 57 years old. She STILL has not learned how to get along with people. Actually, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO GET ALONG WITH PEOPLE! It’s all right there in her comment – “Well, yes, this is who I am. I am an activist. No, I won’t be quiet. What’s that? You’re upset that I talk about adoption?”
She did the same thing to me on the phone once, way back in 1992! We were talking about something, and I had brought up the subject of the money that she owed me, the money that she stole from me, and it deterioted into an argument. And of course Joan canNOT keep the word adoption out of ANY conversation. So she’s yelling at me (and she NEVER has learned that people do NOT appreciate being yelled at) about the money, then all of a sudden she’s SCREAMING at me: “AND I KNOW YOU DON’T LIKE TO HEAR THE WORD ADOPTION! — ADOPTION ADOPTION ADOPTION!” Then she slammmed the phone down. And I was left shaking in my anger, and thinking “What the hell just happened? How did we get from the money she owes me to adoption and how dare she scream at me like a lunatic and slam the phone down on me.” As Gert said “No one can win around Joan. — And of course, Joan is totally self-centered. She doesn’t care that the other person is UPSET, adoption topic or no. Joan has NO feelings for the other person, period. If she is NOT getting what she wants from you, you will PAY THE PRICE.”
I’ve paid the price – I tried to be a sister to her in 1974 when we were reunited with her. In the 80′s when she was lying and stealing, I gave her chance after chance, turned the proverbial cheek so many times that I ran out of cheeks. It took me 16 years to finally give up on her and tell HER “Hit the road, Jack.” – It took this guy only one week. Good on him! I don’t know about this “date” she’s raving about – I don’t know how long he’s been hanging out with her, but it’s obvious he’s not with her. He is just another one of Joan’s “ex’s” and friends and relatives and acquantainces who TRIED to get Joan to see there IS a better life out there – but Joan simply doesn’t WANT it. She loves her misery. And you simply cannot get Joan to leave her misery.
addendum, Nov. 29, 7:50am: I found this great picture/saying and it fits Joan to a “T” – Joan made her decision a long time ago to be what she is, a miserable, sad, lonely, bitter person full of hate and anger. She will never change. It was her decision, and by god, she’s sticking to it.
I especially like the part about “turning the tables”. This can be such a frustrating dynamice to deal with! It’s NEVER their fault, they are always the victims.