abuser, adoption reform, believing in one's own bullshit, birth/adoptive families, browbeating people over adoption, co-dependency, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, embellishing the truth, exploitation, exploiting a dying dead mother, how not to be a social-worker, interfering with parental authority, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds
Joan Wheeler, insists that she had been kidnapped! If so who paid the ransom?
No, she was not kidnapped, that is just Joan’s way of stealing the attention away from others!
Anyone, that has any intelligence, knows that there is a great deal of misuse of humans in the world, some we can control others we can’t. Shit happens to people. There are any number of ways that ‘human traffic’ takes places, including wrongful adoptions, particularly in foreign countries or with foreign children adopted in the States. But, that is a very different animal from the type of adoption that Joan Wheeler has.
To confuse her own adoption with the families involved with the whole-sale kidnapping of children on the black market is just plain wrong. Joan Wheeler likes to believe that every adoption is wrong and must be stopped. The promotion of misleading information, as Joan does, does NOT help the cause for adoption reform. Joan’s continued attacks upon adoption and her continued misuse of her own life situations, including those of her birth and adoptive families, is nothing short of exploitation. Joan Wheeler’s words and actions, against her families, is just another form of misuse of other people. Joan Wheeler is no better than those that actually do kidnap…in fact…Joan Wheeler has KIDNAPPED and held HOSTAGE two whole families and have EXPLOITED them, over and over again. Joan had the audacity in 2011 on a web-news site where we, the birth siblings, told the truth of her actions, to say that she isn’t exploiting! This idiot doesn’t know the meaning of exploitation or kidnapping! She is just a fool shooting her mouth off!
In the following internet comment, Joan’s statements are in answer to someone else’s comment in italic.
Will NPR Report the Truth about International Adoption Adoption? It’s legitimated kidnapping in many poor countries…Thursday, April 9, 2009
“Maybe they would like to have us on as bigtime bloggers speaking on behalf of – adoptive parents.”
This I surely would do! At a time when my adoptive mother and I need to work on repairing our relationship before she dies (age 93), I find myself struggling to accept her adamant claim that “I still believe that adoptees should never be told the truth!”
On the flip side, she’ll grope for compromise on the birth certificate issue. She looked sad when I said, “No, a birth certificate joining the birth parents with the adoptive parents named on a birth-adoption certificate would not work.” I saw her sadness that I wouldn’t compromise on adoptees’ birth certificates. Has Mom acknowledged that I was, in fact, kidnapped from my existing family of five children and our father, just so that she and my adoptive father could have the joy of raising their precious daughter? I was willingly kept apart from my siblings for the first 18 years of my life. My adoptive parents knew my first family lived less than five miles from us.
I grew up alone, an only child. Yeah, I’ll speak on the radio on behalf of my adoptive parents — they got their happy little family — at the expense of their own adoptee’s feelings and civil rights.
Gert comments: I now place some of Joan’s statements in italics and answer them.
So Joan feels that speaking on the radio would help her? She can’t speak about adoption without ranting and raving so I would think that she would be cut off before too long. And if she compares apples and oranges, like she always does, they will not be able to follow her. Joan can NEVER answer a particular topic without bringing in her adoption and her anger over being adopted. She gets lost in her rage and goes off topic.
I find myself struggling to accept her adamant claim that “I still believe that adoptees should never be told the truth!”
Why can’t Joan allow others to have their opinions and feelings? If Joan stopped struggling she might find life a bit more pleasant. What Joan will never accept, and why she browbeated the adoptive mother till she died, is that the whole idea behind keeping the birth family’s ID unknown, to the adoptee and parents, is for the sanity of raising a child without conflicts over parental loyalties. Of course there are many more reasons behind keeping IDs secret or unknown, I’m just addressing one. Joan’s adoption was a product of ‘people knowing people’ and as such the family IDs were known to both birth and adopted parents…but…that is no reason for Joan to have browbeaten the woman who raised her just because that woman was bound, by law, to keep her mouth shut!
So we see how right away Joan has moved away from the topic on hand…kidnapping!
and I was, in fact, kidnapped from my existing family of five children and our father, just so that she and my adoptive father could have the joy of raising their precious daughter?
Here Joan is showing her anger at the adopted parents! Joan was, in fact, NOT kidnapped…she was GIVEN away…to be CARED FOR and LOVED by people who were willing and able to do so. The adopted parents wanted a child, sure, and if Joan was unavailable they would probably have gotten some other child! It was fated for Joan to be raised by the adopted parents that did so. It was fated for Joan that her natural mother DIED and that her natural father had to find OTHERS to raise the infant. There was NO kidnapping or ransom demands or any payments paid and received. Joan is exploiting and slandering and blaming the adopted parents of a crime they did NOT do! Furthermore, Joan makes a mockery of the love and devoted those two people had for her! But, what does this have to do with the topic at hand, international adoptions?
I was willingly kept apart from my siblings for the first 18 years of my life.
Well that’s the nature of adoption, to be kept apart from the birth family! The worst mistake I ever did was to contact Joan! Oh, I had every legal right to do so, she was of legal age and I, as sibling, had the legal right to make that contact. But, Joan has made the birth family’s lives miserable ever since. Joan can not throw total blame on me for making contact with her, she herself was searching and it would have been a matter of time for her to find us. The point is that Joan refuses to accept the nature of adoption, period. But, what does this have to do with the topic at hand, international adoptions?
My adoptive parents knew my first family lived less than five miles from us.
And this means what? Nothing! By law, the families had to stay away from each other and not inform the child. What does this have to do with the topic at hand, international adoptions?
I grew up alone, an only child.
What does this have to do with the topic at hand, international adoptions? Why is this important? Because, to Joan’s warped mind, she was kidnapped from her family! Stupidity is not funny!
I’ll speak on the radio on behalf of my adoptive parents — they got their happy little family
This is Joan’s anger speaking…against her parents. She would go on the radio and condemn the adopted parents because they wanted a family? And Joan Wheeler does not exploit? Bullshit! How far would such exploitation go, for Joan and the rest of the adoption reform movement, by making mockery of the adopted parents? These people really have no clue as to how much damage they are doing. And what does this have to do with the topic at hand, international adoptions?
at the expense of their own adoptee’s feelings and civil rights.
It’s all about Joan! Her feelings are the only things that matter…she is the one who refuses to accept the reality of adoption. Joan can not change the fact of life that she was adopted because her mother died and her father had OTHER MOUTHS to feed and take care of and that there was NO ONE to care for her in the family….hence…she was placed in adoption. She was NOT KIDNAPPED. Joan wants to believe her stupid fantasy but it has nothing to do with the topic at hand…international adoptions. Joan’s life story is NOT one of international adoptions and Joan’s life circumstances are ‘heaven’ compared to those that have truly suffered.
There is always someone that has it worst then yourself…too bad that Joan Wheeler can not find some peace in the fact that she has life in her body and that the horse she keeps beating is DEAD.
I, and 2nd husband, adopted my son…I paid a lawyer’s fee…my son was NOT KIDNAPPED, he was in my home and care the entire time.
Adoption does not equal kidnapping…unless you are Joan Wheeler.