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Narcissitic psychodrama of Joan Wheeler, part 2, a book post

by on February 21, 2013

 At the time we started, out of necessity, to refute Joan Wheeler’s libelous book, we did not know much about narcissitic behaviors. But once we did many things fell into place…NOW we understood why Joan did all that shit and why she believes in it as the truth! For to a narcissitic there is NO REALITY outside of their own ‘view’, and that is why we have our blogs…to SHOW the reality of any number of episodes that Joan had written in that book or any other that she may attempt to get publish or any where else.

The following is a post written by Ruth in response to one of mine. I will not be making any corrections to Ruth’s original.

Joan Wheeler lies and fabricates events within the birth family dynamics and about our mother’s wedding dress…revisited. Even within adoption ‘reunion’ Joan can’t take responsibility for her own behaviors. Here we revist some of Ruth’s accounting of events that Joan lies and fabricates. If reunion is important for the ‘mental’ health of the adoptee, than why did not Joan ever take charge of her own behavior? Let’s take a look…

Ruth Pace’s additional comments of Personal Psychodrama of Joan Wheeler October 14, 2010

Posted by Ruth
On page 155, Joan tells us how upset she was that our father had decided to formally adopt his youngest stepdaughter. Joan is incapable of seeing things from another person’s viewpoint, all she can do is wallow in her own misery, feel sorry for a bad break in life that she received as an infant – the death of her mother, and her father giving her up for adoption.
When my father met his current wife (and they just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary), Ginette was a divorced mother of 2 girls, ages 4 and 10. Her ex-husband cared nothing for the girls,  Ginette was on public assistance, receiving no child support from the girls’ father. Within months – actually it was around Christmas 1970 – 2 and a half months – of my father’s and Ginette’s marriage, her ex-husband came around – probably because his male ego felt threatened. I was there the day he came over to our house. Jos (Claire in the book), aged 4 years old, and knowing my father for only 6 months, stood behind MY father. She was scared of her biological father – she did not know who he was. Mar, my older stepsister, did remember her father and there wasn’t a problem there, but Jos did not go to her father. She hung onto MY father’s legs and began to cry.
A couple of times during the next year or two, Mr. Ansermin would show up and assert his “fatherly rewards.” He demanded visitations with his daughters. He was always behind in child support, but would front some money so that Family Court would send a notice to my father and Ginette that Mr. Ansermin would be taking the girls on such and such date. Mar had a fairly good relationship with her father, but Jos would cry – she did not want to go with Mr. Ansermin. It finally got to the point that my father and Ginette told Family Court that it was upsetting Jos and if it took their refusal of any more of Mr. Ansermin’s money to get him out of Jos’ life – then so be it.  This is why my stepmother went back to work in late 1972, It wasn’t as if Mr. Ansermin’s sporadic child support was helping the family anyway. And this was one of the reasons I moved back into my father’s house after being on my own for a year and a half – to help watch the kids while my father and stepmother worked (I was working too).
By 1977, Jos was now 11 years old. She had absolutely no contact with her biological father since 1972. The only male role model in her life was MY father. The only father she has EVER known is MY father. It was HER idea to be adopted – SHE asked my father for her last name to be changed from Ansermin to Sippel – SHE wanted my daddy to be her daddy! And what could be wrong with that?
Yes, it is an wierd twist of fate, that in 1956, Leonard Sippel Sr. gave up a girl-child for adoption, and 21 years later would adopt another girl-child. Life certainly is strange. But does Joan see that behind each adoption, there was LOVE there? LOVE for Joan in 1956, to be given to a couple who could properly care for her, when in 1956, there WERE NO DAYCARE CENTERS OR WELFARE SYSTEM TO HELP MY FATHER OUT! What was my father supposed to do with a three month old infant while he was at work all day? Let her lie in a crib all day unattended? Can’t Joan get that through her thick skull?!!!
And there was absolutely nothing but LOVE behind the decision for my father to adopt Jos. Can’t Joan see that? Of course not – because with Joan – it’s all about Joan. She cares only for Joan. She  has no sense of another human being’s feelings. She is consumed with only herself.
On page 158, Joan has me and Gert saying “Oh Joanie, really! You’ve got to stop being so hung up on adoption! It’s no big deal, get over it.” WRONG! I never said that. That’s Mama Wheeler talking – and yes, Gert and I have seen several times in the book where Joan has us saying things that we never said, but it is the exact wording, (or a very close paraphrase)  that Joan quotes her mother as saying in a different part of the book. This is just another chance for her to put us down, because we welcomed Jos, not only as our stepsister, but now our legal sister, and in Joan’s mind, an act of betrayal of us to her. Is THIS why in just 3 short years, she would start the interference and harassment and lying about us? As a punishment because we didn’t side with her against Jos?
I NEVER – and to this day, HAVE NEVER TOLD JOAN TO STOP BEING SO HUNG UP ON ADOPTION! Why would I have said this to her in 1977, then turn around in 1980 and accompany her to WGRZ Buffalo Television station to be interviewed with her by reporter Rich Kellman if I didn’t support her adoption cause?
Further down on page 158, she has her mother saying to her “What gives you the right to blab our private business to the whole world?” What did I just say 2 paragraphs above? – That Joan quotes her mother on one page, then puts the same words in my mouth. And she did – on pages 276-278 … when Prof. Rene Hoksbergen supposedly came to my house (a lie, he never was at my house).
On page 163, Joan goes into a completely disgusting and unnecessary description of my mother’s death. So I guess my father decided to tell her of my mom’s death. I heard the same story from my dad – EXCEPT this part: “She opened her eyes, looked up in front of her, took in a deep breath, closed her eyes, exhaled, and she was gone. Immediately, there was a terrible stench of rotten flesh. The doctors told me later that her sides had split open; that even the bandages didn’t hold it in, and all of her that had been dying, fell out.”
What the hell?!! Let me say that although I am not a doctor, I have worked for 38 years in a hospital and what Joan relates here may certainly be plausible, it is highly unlikely. First, my mother did NOT die of kidney cancer – it was UTERINE CANCER. The immediate cause of death, was kidney failure, but that’s because her organs had started to fail, and her kidneys were the organs to go first. On the bottom of Page 162, to the top of page 163, she has my father saying that the cancer had spread all over her body. This is called metastasis Joan, the “medical expert” that she is, does not mention this important word. Second, when they did the exploratory surgery in January 1956, and suspecting UTERINE CANCER, they would have made an incision in the lower abdomen. If they suspected kidney cancer, incisions would have been made in the lumbar/sacral area of her back. If my mother was indeed 89 pounds at the time of her death, then she obviously was not given fluid pushes,which would bloat the body. Now as to the “description” that my father supposedly told Joan, unfortunately, yes, this could have happened. But her sides splitting open to the point the bandages would not hold her insides in? This sentance is highly suspect – she would not have incisions along her sides – and unless she was bloated with fluid pushes, her sides would not have split open. And for a doctor to be telling my father this AFTER the fact – no, a doctor would not have said this. Doctors have compassion, they would not tell a man who just lost his wife these gory details. – I know- I work in a hospital – in several different areas – 4 years in the Medical Intensive Care Unit, (I’ve seen some gory stuff there), 5 years in the Hospice Unit, (I’ve witnessed many deaths in front of my eyes, I know what the smells are), and right now on the renal KIDNEY floor – and work with KIDNEY transplants and see just where their dam incisions are. And they are NOT on their sides! Joan – stop watching so much CSI and Forensic Files!
But, let’s say this all really did happen – why is this in her book? What does this have to with Joan’s adoption, her reunion, and her adoption reform work? Her book is supposed to be about those 3 things – not giving a graphic, gory rendition of a young woman’s lose of life. What the hell is the matter with Joan? This is called honoring our mother? This crap does not belong in this book – it serves no purpose of advisement for or against adoption – it is purely sensationalism, and embellishment on Joan’s part. Joan should be ashamed of herself for abusing the memory of our mother in this way.
On page 164, Joan relates that she learned to drive at the late age of 22. So? What does this have to do with her adoption? I learned to drive at the VERY late age of 24 – so what? Is this necessary to know? By the way, I was 24 in the year 1976, therefore, I could not have been driving Joan around in 1974. Joan, please get your facts straight when you are reporting about MY life. Also a good thing to do when you are writing a “truthful” book. Do some research. Or search your faulty memory – it was Gail who drove you around in 1974 to Uncle Mikes, not me.
On page 168 Joan relates that after she got laid-off, the welfare people told her to move back in with her parents – no, they would not have told her this. They may have suggested it, because they don’t want to hand out the benefits, but they probably told her that she would have to wait about a month to begin receiving benefits – which is standard – they don’t just automatically hand out food stamps and cash assistance to someone who just walks in the door! Joan just words it this way to get her readers to feel sorry for her. By the way, what was she doing asking for welfare anyway? She got laid off, did she not go look for another job? She says this was shortly before Christmas – um, stores are hiring temporary seasonal workers then – and there are ALWAYS openings in the health care field! If you’re that hard up for cash – go empty bedpans – it’s good steady work – pays good, and keeps you off the welfare rolls or in your mommy’s purse! Guess what? Dr. Christaan Barnard, who performed the world’s first heart transplant, paid his way through medical school by working as an orderly – one of an orderly’s duties is to EMPTY BEDPANS! Don’t have the stomach for it? Then get a job as a cleaner ANYWHERE, hotel maid, whatever, just don’t get laid off from your first job, run down to welfare, then run over to mommy! And it’s not like her first job was all that glamorous – she worked packaging on an assembly line in a pharmaceutical company.
On pages 173 – 176, Joan combines two events that had nothing to do with each other. First on page 172, she relates how she tried on our dead mother’s wedding dress. She doesn’t quite tell the story of the wedding dress right. She leaves the story of the dress and begins to tell the story of my brother’s First Holy Communion Party and the fight she got into with my stepmother’s friend Elaine. Then she goes back to the wedding dress – the wedding dress had nothing to do with the party. But I will tell what REALLY happened. I will take this ONE event at a time, because in truth, the two events were separate, and happened at quite different times.
On the morning of Steve’s Holy Communion, I had a fight with Abdo (my first husband). It stemmed from an incident that had happened the previous night, when we were out with his brother and his brother’s girlfriend. S. and I did not get along, and some words exchanged between us. Then Ali got involved, and Abdo was upset with me because I was fighting with his brother. So the next morning, I went to the church by myself. Gert and her kids did not come to the church service, but met up with me at our father’s apartment, and Gert had brought along Abdo, as she lived only two blocks from us.
The church service was followed by a brunch in the school auditorium and then we went on to my father’s apartment for a nice afternoon and a nice dinner. After the dinner, I was sitting in the living room talking with Gert. Joan had gone downstairs with my brother and youngest stepsister. (My father lived on the 12 floor of the apartment building). Elaine left a little bit after Joan. Shortly afterwards, Abdo and I, Gert and her two children all left together. Shortly after 6pm, and the sun was still shining. The only guests left were Bob and Sonja.
We had parked in the parking lot in the front of the building, and apparently Joan, Steve, and Joselyne were in the back of the building. But we did not see her or the kids as we drove on the one-way street that completely encircles the apartment complex. I remember I was home for about an hour when my phone rang. It was Gert. She just received a call from Joan, who had just gotten home herself – and apparently Joan had a fight with Elaine. Now, we have only Joan’s version of the fight as told to me and Gert. – so apparently as Joan was leaving to go downstairs with Steve and Joselyne, she made a comment to my stepmother. Gert and I were in the living room – we didn’t hear it. What the comment actually was, we don’t know, but in the book, on page 173, Joan said to Ginette, “Well, this isn’t as extravagant as the party you had for Claire, (Joselyne), considering this is a smaller space, but I had a lovely time and thank you for inviting me.” … I didn’t know it because she didn’t tell me, but Yvonne (my stepmother Ginette) cried after I left.” — This is nonsense! Although I didn’t hear what was said, I could see Ginette, because me and Gert left shortly afterwards – and Ginette was fine!
Well, according to the phone conversation, Elaine was downstairs and confronted Joan and berated her for not helping Ginette with the dishes. Elaine then went on to say that the Sippel sisters were rude to Ginette and we were all lazy for not helping out with the dishes. Well, we were guests – just like Elaine. But Gert and I were pissed at Elaine, because we made the observation that our oldest stepsister, Mar, who was 19 at the time, also did not help out with the dishes. We both felt, and to this day, I still feel, that Elaine was out of line – if the daugthers of the Sippel family are supposed to help out with clearing up dishes after a party, then the Sippel stepdaughter should too.
After Gert and I hung up, my phone rang – it was Joan – and she told me the story of the fight – and I told her my opinion of Elaine and Mar. So Gert, Joan and I were united in our feelings of outrage that we were being singled out. I don’t know what Gert said to my father, if anything at all, but for myself, I didn’t say anything. Because this was typical behavior of Elaine. I wasn’t going to get into a fight over this ignorant woman. My stepmother and I had a good relationship – we both worked the Bingo games and served on the Women’s Committee of the Greek Orthodox Church. We frequently went out to lunch. When my brother was 10 and had a accident with his bike and plowed face-first into a parked van, and his mouth was bloody, she didn’t call 911 – she called me – to take them to the emergency room. And I have already related how I moved back in my father’s house in 1973 to help watch over the kids while my stepmother went back to work. So Elaine’s opinion of me didn’t really matter to me. I was concerned that she obviously was trying to plant a wedge between us and our stepmother and stepsisters.
As to Joan’s description of my father’s tyranical behavior – well, sad to say, that is typical of my father – it’s funny – I got along better with my stepmother than I did with him! My way of coping was to ignore him – as I did with Elaine – if Ginette had a problem with me, Gert and Joan not cleaning up dishes – she never said so. I noticed no difference in her behavior towards me after the party. And as I said, when Gert, Abdo, Gert’s kids and I left, Ginette seemed just fine. So it makes me wonder – just what was the fight between Elaine and Joan REALLY about? According to Joan, on page 173, the Sippel girls had been mistreating Ginette since 1971! Really? News to me, since I had moved out of my father’s house in 1971, but moved back in – in 1973. Ginette was going back to work on the afternoon shift, I worked night shift, my father worked days. This way, an adult was present in the house at all times to watch the kids. And I spent many wonderful days with her other friends Millie and Arthur, who lived outside of Dunkirk, NY. My goodness, if I mistreated Ginette so much, how was I entrusted with her kids to take them down to the beach swimming? How when Steve was 3 and running in the house and tripped and opened up a gash on his forehead, why would she come running up the stairs to wake me up to help take him around the corner to the emergency room. And I held her as she heard him screaming, when he was getting his stitches. Oh – but I mistreated her? Elaine knew better than to say that. But I never liked Elaine. I suspect she went back upstairs with Steve and Jos and said something to Ginette and my father – and brought up the subject of us not cleaning up the dishes.
But me and Gert, like fools, believed Joan – we hadn’t yet seen through the manipulations that Joan was doing. Like I said, I don’t know if Gert said anything to Dad – I doubt she said anything. I know I didn’t say anything – but not Joan – no – instead of having some dam good sense – and wait until the following day to speak to Dad – she runs right upstairs to start an argument with him in front of his remaining guests! Then wonders why he’s pissed at her!! As for his statements (however misguided they were) about him not wanting him to upset his wife and kids – well any husband and father would stick up for his wife and kids. Unfortunately, my father forgets that Joan, Gert, Kathy and me are also his kids.
I want to make a point about my “mistreatment” of my stepmother – I have already said that we had a good relationship – working Bingo together, having lunch, etc. Joan knew all this – but she does not report about it in her book. What she says in response to Elaine’s comment about us Sippel girls mistreating Ginette is: “I don’t think I should be lumped together with my sisters for something, or a bunch of somethings that they did.” But she KNEW that Ginette and I got along. Joan has no problem with relating Elaine’s and my father’s outburst – but strangely, she didn’t defend Gert or me. Why not? Oh, it just wouldn’t do to portray Gert or Ruth in a positive way – because that would negate her dam book – that her birth sisters are bitches! She even accused us on page 176 for delibrately leaving our plates on the coffee table so that JOAN would get in trouble! “It’s as if they wanted to teach me a lesson,” she says.
For crying out loud! For that to happen, there would have to have been a full conspiracy! Yeah, that’s it – Gert and I and Abdo left our plates sitting around. We then got hold of Elaine, and told her to go downstairs and bitch at Joan about our plates. We then got hold of our stepmother and told her to be mad at Joan for what we did. Then we got hold of our father and told him to be sure to yell at Joan after Elaine yelled at her, and he should be prepared for Joan when she came back upstairs — etc. etc. etc. Oh yes, Gert and I planned the whole thing. Do you people see how stupid this all is? But not Joan – instead of seeing what this all was – Elaine being a troublemaker – Joan getting unfairly yelled at by our father – Joan’s bottom line is: GERT AND RUTH WAS THE CAUSE OF IT ALL!   – why is always OUR fault when Joan screws up? why can’t JOAN TAKE REPONSIBLITY FOR HER OWN LIFE?
Yes, Elaine treated Joan unfairly – but that is NOT my fault, nor Gert’s fault. I never liked Elaine – for just this reason – I had some words with her mother in the summer of 1971, BEFORE Ginette married my father – She was visiting Ginette’s house at the same time I was – I was 17 years old, and upstairs with my soon-to-be stepsisters, aged 4 and 10, and we were fooling around, being loud. Ginette yelled up the stairs for us to be quiet. As bratty kids sometimes do, we did not comply right away. Ginette yelled at us again, and we settled down. A while later, Elaine’s mother Agnes got hold of me outside and ripped into me. I felt that she had no business yelling at me. I would take discipline from Ginette, as she was going to be my stepmother, but I would not take orders from Agnes. Apparently Agnes told her daughter about this – and I was conscious of Elaine’s dislike of me everytime I saw her. Both Elaine and Agnes were overbearing and nasty to me and Kathy (before she moved to England). What was my reaction? I ignored them – they were Ginette’s friends, so I had no place to say anything – besides, by 1974, I moved out of my father’s house for the second and last time – I now had my own apartment – I was an adult in my own right – there was no need to interact with them again. When I did see them at my father’s house – I was polite, that was all. I just kept the peace. But did Joan learn how to live in peace? No! After Elaine insults her, she stomps back upstairs to confront my father, KNOWING FULL WELL THAT HE HAD GUESTS! Perhaps if she had waited until the following day to talk to him, she would not have gotten yelled at by him. And by the way – she says on page 174, she “kept my head down in humiliation as I ran passed the living room of people. I felt their hot stares on my back.” First, everyone had gone, except Bob and Sonia, so the living room was not full – and yes, she should have felt humiliated – she had already left the party – she should have gone home – but nooooo – she just HAD to go back upstairs and confront our father.
She also relates that it was raining, and by the time she got back to my father’s apartment she was soaking wet and the wind and rain froze her lungs. Bullshit – please see the picture at the bottom of this post – it is a photocopy of the microfilmed copy of one of the newspapers in Buffalo, New York in the late 70′s, The Buffalo Courier Express, for Sunday, May 20, 1979. Please see the weather report – which states the day to be “partly sunny, mid 70′s.” Even if a scattered rainshower had occured, and Joan got wet, her lungs would not have been “frozen.” Not at 75 degrees. Give me a break! Geez Joan, you must have a low opinion of everyone in the world to expect them to buy that nonsense!
And getting back to her little remark she made to Ginette – on page 173, she says “I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, but I guess I did.” and “I told him (my father) that I was sorry I said something to hurt her and I didn’t think what I said was so wrong. ….Evidentally, Yvonne (Ginette) thought I was insulting her.” But earlier in the book, when she was talking about events in 1974, she berated me for sarcastically telling her that she spelled our last name wrong on a xmas card she had sent me. (I have already said before that I have no memory of this).
Here we see Joan’s double standard of behavior – how she perceives how people should treat her, and how she should treat people. – Nobody had better insult her – even if it were a simple slip of the tongue. She relates a slip of a tongue on HER part, and doesn’t see why anyone should be upset with her – but oh boy! Let RUTH inadvertanly insult JOAN, and it’s a capital punishment! But as you see, Joan HAS to paint Ruth as bad, bad, bad, because that is the whole purpose of her book – to trash me and my family. Ruth is not afforded the slightest possibility that she said something by mistake – but Joan makes absolutely NO mistakes.
Now let us discuss my mother’s wedding dress.  The events she describe on page 172 are essentially correct. – She says that while visiting at my house I showed her the dress, and she has me saying, “Dad gave each of us something that belonged to Mom.” Joan says she immediately felt jealous, she felt left out. Why must she always be whining about something? And did she not already say in the book that Dad DID give her something? A LOCK OF MOM’S HAIR! Why is she then whining about a dress?
Ok, I will admit, I didn’t take good care of it. Joan says it was in a black garbage bag, no it was in a large paper bag. And while we are discussing this – My father did NOT actually give me the dress – I TOOK if from the attic of our house! It was still in the same cardboard box that my mother had put it in. I was 16 years old when I TOOK it. This was then the year 1968. From 1946 to 1968, it was still in the same box – and after moving residences 3 or 4 times, the box was crushed, the top had a oval cut out of the cardboard with a clear piece of plastic in the oval, and this plastic was missing. The dress was getting dirty. I was only 16 years old. I knew nothing about taking care of a wedding dress. I folded it up and placed it in a large paper shopping bag. I did have the sense to cover it with some tissue paper.
Earlier in the book, Joan relates the first time Gert came to visit her at her house in 1974, and sees the usual teenage sloppy room. Gert remarked that my room looked the same way. Joan forgets that she had a mother to teach her how to take care of clothes – I didn’t. And when, I brought the dress out to show Joan, I told her that the dress needed cleaning and pressing, and in the back of the dress – the buttons were fastened by a large rope of fabric that was stiched and looped into “buttonholes.” This “rope” was pulled out of place in spots – I didn’t know how to repair it. Joan told me that her mother was a seamstress – had sewed many of Joan’s clothes for her when she was growing up, and even made Joan’s prom dress. Joan said, “My mother would know how to fix this up.” So I LOANED it to her to have it fixed up.
On page 175 Joan combines these two events – she says while she was arguing with my father about the Holy Communion party, he tells her on the phone, “oh and by the way, Ruth wants Mom’s wedding dress back.” Joan then describes how she grabbed it off the hanger,  rolled it up in a black garbage bag, drove to my house and threw it at my feet. She then berates me for involving Gert and my father in the dress, and yells at me to take better care of the dress.
Nope, this never happened! She says she had the dress for 4 weeks. Nope – She had the dress until 1984 for a total of 5 years! And no, I never called Gert for help to get the dress back, because Gert had moved to Binghamton in 1982. I did call my father because Joan REFUSED TO RETURN THE DRESS, AND FURTHERMORE, SHE STOLE BEADWORK OFF THE DRESS!
In early 1983, Joan found out that she was pregnant – and her and Colby decided to get married. The wedding date was set for sometime in May and she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. She found a seamstress to make the gowns and asked me for my permission to have Mom’s wedding dress altered to fit her. I said no. So her seamstress made a copy of the dress, and put in extra material to cover Joan’s pregnancy.
My mother’s wedding dress has some beadwork, small concentric circles of white seed beads, sewn on a small ribbon of fabric that lined the v-shaped bodice of the satin main dress. Over this bodice is a smaller section of a more sheer fabric leading from the bosom to the neck.
On Joan’s wedding day, 45 minutes before we were to leave for the start of the wedding, we were at her house, the matron of honor helping her get dressed, a photographer in attendance. If memory serves, I was one of 3 bridesmaids, one of them her future sister in law. I was dressed, putting on fresh coat of nail polish. All of a sudden here comes the bride! “Oh Ruth. I just wanted to tell you. With all the work on the dresses, there wasn’t time to make a copy of the beadwork on Mom’s dress. So we took it off, and sewed it onto mine. When we get the copy of the beadwork done, we’ll just swap the ribbons. And this is so wonderful, as I will be able to go down the aisle with something that Mom had on her wedding day.”
Now I ask you. What would you have done? What could you have done? Make a scene in front of all those people and ruin the brides day? NO, there was NOTHING I could have done.
Months later, she refused to return the dress itself. I finally had to get my father to get the dress back. It was not cleaned, not pressed, the buttons in the back NOT repaired, even though Joan had the dress in her possession for 5 years. And it was still crumpled up in the same paper shopping bag that I had kept it in, but without even tissue paper to help keep dust out. When I returned home from my father’s house, (and incidentally, he never said a word about it being all crumbled up), I noticed that the ribbon of beadwork was still not back on the dress. I called Joan – she then DICTATED to me that when she and her seamstress got around to making the copy of the beadwork ribbon, she was going to keep the original beadwork, because it was something that belonged to HER mother. Mind you – this was also a full year after her wedding – I think Joan had no intention of ever returning the beadwork to me. But we all know now that Joan is a thief!
I told my friend Francine about this conversation and she asked me what was I going to do? I said “There’s nothing I can do right now. She’s got me over a barrel. If I make a stink, I will never get the beads back. But don’t worry – I will get them back.” So I waited a few months and then the call came that I was waiting for – Joan needed me as a babysitter. I headed on over to her house with a pair of scissors in my purse. After Joan and Colby left the house – and I had my nephew in the highchair, feeding him dinner, I went on the hunt! I found Joan’s dress and right there on the front of her dress was the beadwork ribbon that belonged on my mother’s wedding dress. I laid the dress out on the bed – and had my nephew positioned so I could keep an eye on him. I fed him a couple of spoonfuls and went back into the bedroom and got to work. After I got the ribbon off the dress – I put Joan’s dress back in the closet. I made sure my nephew was safe – then I ran downstairs and locked the beadwork ribbon in my car’s glove compartment. I was taking no chances that I might drop my purse and Joan would see what was in it.
Now in her book, on page 175, she describes her return of the dress to me by her flinging the dress at my feet. She berates me for abusing the dress. But did she not abuse it herself by “throwing it at my feet?” But that never happened. She took the dress to my father’s house, and he in turn, gave it to me. Why would someone lie like that? By saying that she threw the dress on the floor, is admitting to a possible abuse of the dress. The very same thing she accused me of. (always with the accusations of me). But the reality of it is – she removed trim off the dress AFTER I told her NOT to touch the dress, she tried to keep that trim for herself. She had the dress in her possession for 5 years and she never got it cleaned, pressed, or the back repaired as she promised. She kept it in the same paper bag that I had it in – so she abused the dress as well.
I am sure my mother’s spirit understands my not keeping the dress correctly – I didn’t know any better – but what excuse does Joan have? She had that dress for 5 years, one of those being a full year AFTER her own wedding – HER wedding dress was hung in the closest, but she left my mother’s dress all crumpled up, even though she promised to restore it. And further to mutilate it and try to STEAL something off of it. No, Joan’s crimes against the dress were far worse than mine.
To recap and add a timeline to Sunday, May 20, 1979 – The church services attended for my brother’s Holy Communion, consisted of a full Catholic Mass, which started around 10am, included the children receiving their First Holy Communion Sacrament. When the children finished receiving the Body of Christ, the rest of the congregation partook of the Eucharist. When the mass was finished, those who wanted to, went to the school auditorium next door for a light brunch. Joan did not attend either the mass or the brunch. After the brunch, our family members, Elaine and her mother too, went to our father’s house, where Ginette began the finishing touches of the dinner – she frequently cooks some things ahead – we ate, probably around 4, had desert – the party began breaking up around 6.
Here is the weather report taken from the Buffalo Courier Express for Sunday, May 20, 1979, the date of my brother’s First Holy Communion, and to which Joan attests to that date on page 172, and on page 173, she reports that “the wind and rain froze my lungs.” in 75 degree weather! oh, really? The pictures are of my brother in the church, bearing a basket of bread to be blessed. See the sunlight in the windows. The next picture is of Mariel and Elaine’s daughter Michelle – see the spaghetti straps of Mariel’s dress – appropriate attire for a warm and sunny spring day – where there was NO chance to get frozen!
again, thank you Ruth for all the details.
I would like to state here for the record in case anyone thinks that Joan is the only sister that I personally have had a problem with, she is not. I did have some serious problems with Ruth and we did not speak or have any kind of a relationship for quite a long time but we did RECONCILE and we REPAIRED the tear in our relationship and we FORGAVE each other! That is the big difference here with Joan, for Joan DOES NOT WANT TO RECONCILE WITH HER SISTERS. Joan’s ENTIRE LIFE IS THAT BOOK, HER VERSION OF REALITY. Don’t confuse Joan with any facts, she has her reality and she will NOT PART WITH THAT.
So if there is anyone out there who thinks that can get Joan to stop attacking her sisters, think again…you are being used and you will eventually will pay a price for befriending Joan…We three sisters are only interested in telling the TRUTH, not Joan’s truth, but OUR TRUTH.
2 Comments Feb 21, 2013
  1. It seems she keeps this wedge between you all because it proves her anti-adoption mission. If you all reconciled and forgave each other and she told the truth, her mission would be kaput, kersplat, dead in the effing water! But it’s more natural for fools like Joan to remain unrelenting and hateful. It’s such a shame. You are obviously equally passionate about your agendas. It’s unfortunate that hers is based on lies, manipulations and pure hatred. And your truth is her enemy. She will never accept it.


  2. thank you Paula for your keen observations, which are quite correct

    Joan has been convinced of her rightness from before we ‘found’ her and she will believe so forever, regardless of ALL evidence to the contrary. Her views are her license to do as she will to family and other and that is why we are as passionate about telling the TRUTH of our family. She knows what she MUST do…remove all her hate blogs, and those of her friends that browbeat us for OUR truths and disappear, never to speak a word against us and family…but…she will never do that…for she NEEDS THE ENEMY (the birthsibs and family) to prove her own existence is worth something! I tried at least 3 times (to reconcile) and each time she lied and twisted the contacts into harassment by me to her…Sick and sad…but that’s life…no…that’s her life. I don’t need to lie or harm others to gain a sense of worth. She does.

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3 Comments
  1. It seems she keeps this wedge between you all because it proves her anti-adoption mission. If you all reconciled and forgave each other and she told the truth, her mission would be kaput, kersplat, dead in the effing water! But it’s more natural for fools like Joan to remain unrelenting and hateful. It’s such a shame. You are obviously equally passionate about your agendas. It’s unfortunate that hers is based on lies, manipulations and pure hatred. And your truth is her enemy. She will never accept it.

  2. thank you Paula for your keen observations, which are quite correct

    Joan has been convinced of her rightness from before we ‘found’ her and she will believe so forever, regardless of ALL evidence to the contrary. Her views are her license to do as she will to family and other and that is why we are as passionate about telling the TRUTH of our family. She knows what she MUST do…remove all her hate blogs, and those of her friends that browbeat us for OUR truths and disappear, never to speak a word against us and family…but…she will never do that…for she NEEDS THE ENEMY (the birthsibs and family) to prove her own existence is worth something! I tried at least 3 times (to reconcile) and each time she lied and twisted the contacts into harassment by me to her…Sick and sad…but that’s life…no…that’s her life. I don’t need to lie or harm others to gain a sense of worth. She does.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. reworking and reposting of a 2-part BOOK POST Chapter 15 of Joan Wheeler’s libelous book « Refuting a Book of Lies: Forbidden Family –

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