abuser, adoption reform, adoption reunions, birth/adoptive families, blaming people for your own mess, browbeating people over adoption, bullying, child abuse, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, Doris Sippel, embellishing the truth, exploiting a dying dead mother, Forbidden Family a book of lies, how not to be a social-worker, interfering with parental authority, intimidation, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds, writing from memory
How much did Joan Wheeler’s adoption cost…a rebuttal!
To quote her ‘the human costs are incalculable’. Speaking for the birth family, so are all the pains and slander and fabrications and harassment that Joan Wheeler has done, and still is doing, to two families because she cannot accept her lot in life. As a member of the real ‘forbidden family’, who has been repeatedly slandered by Joan, I refute her statements in her post of 27 February 2013 on her blog here… http://forbiddenfamily.net/
I have no interest in any political or personal side of the adoption issue. I do agree that family medical history and personal identification information ought to be provided and that reform should follow proper law-abiding methods. Browbeating pro-adoption people, myself included, is NOT proper methods.
I AM AN ADOPTED MOTHER. I have had experience with the ‘system’. I also have suffered at the hands of Joan Wheeler because I AM AN ADOPTED MOTHER.
When I adopted my son, the cost was $350 in 1981 dollars! There has been NO ‘the human costs’ related to his adoption. My son was adopted because everyone WANTED HIM and HE WANTED TO BE adopted. But, because Joan Wheeler could NOT ABIDE the fact that I and my husband were adopting, she interfered with my minor children and then called 2 false child abuse reports against me! That is where MY ‘human costs are incalculable’ comes into the story!
Because Joan Wheeler HATES adoption, she VIOLATED my family, my children’s, sacred bonds and cause ‘irreparable’ damage! Joan Wheeler is an evil person!
Joan Wheeler is also a liar! She can’t keep her stories straight from one venue to another! In her so-called ‘truthful’ book, which was pulled from publication in May 2011, because of its libelous contents, she presents the birth family one way but in this new post she presents them in another way! One really has to wonder WHY she can’t keep her lies straight!
In that filthy lying hateful piece of shit of a book, Joan portrays our family, over and over and over again, as ‘dirt poor’ and ‘uneducated’; the reasons WHY our father had to place her into adoption. And, that the adopted parents ‘gave’ us a ‘christmas’ because our father was too poor to provide it.
My father was so insulted and appalled at what Joan wrote in that book, when he saw a draft in 2009, that he kicked her out of his home and REMOVED her from his obit…meaning…he DISOWNED HER, after being reunited with her since 1974 and putting up with her bullshit lies and trouble-making all those years! The man is DEAD now and can’t speak for himself, but his daughters are alive and we shall continue to refute everything Joan Wheeler speaks about our family.
In this new post, of 27 Feb, Joan says this, ‘My father could not financially support all of his five children since he had to hold a job. The baby was too young and needed two parents, so my father relinquished me.’ These are falsehoods, lies, slander, and misrepresentations!
Truth! In 1955 my father had 2 jobs, one part time job as a bicycle repairman and one fulltime job as a draftsman, for the city of Buffalo NY, which he held until his retirement in the early 1980s. My father was an educated man. He did not come from ‘dirt-poor’ roots but from German/Polish railroad men! Finances were NOT the reason for her adoption. My father PAID his part in that DEAL and more.
Truth! In the winter of 1955 our mother, pregnant with her 5th child, became ill, went to hospital to ‘hold’ the child, she was given a drug, name I don’t recall, that was used at that time. While my mother was in hospital all 4 children were being taken care of by our paternal grandparents.
In January of 1956 when the child was born early (Doris), placed into an incubator, it BECAME known that my mother was DYING OF CANCER. There was NOTHING that could be done to save her! When child was removed from incubator, to go home, she was in care of maternal uncle for a few months. At that time, January 1956, NO DECISION had been made about the child!
Truth! My father KNEW that his wife was DYING. He offered marriage to a friend who had 2 fatherless children. The deal was that he would be a father to her 2 children and she would be a mother to his 5 (FIVE) children; five meaning that infant! The woman AGREED TO MARRIAGE, but REFUSED THE INFANT.
While my mother was dying in the hospital and my father was in ‘negotiations’ with the woman to marry and raised his/her children, it was believed in my mother’s family that my father was having an ‘affair’. Not true, he was planning on how to raise ALL FIVE OF HIS CHILDREN.
When my mother DIED March 28, 1956 my father HAD TO MAKE THE FINAL DECISION. He knew that the woman he proposed to would NOT take the infant and so his decision was to place the infant into adoption. On the day that his wife, our mother, died, March 28, 1956, he wrote in his wife’s Bible, the DEATH OF DORIS SIPPEL. This fact was not discovered until August 2011 when Ruth and I saw our MOTHER’S BIBLE and our FATHER’S hand-writing. To our father, the 5th child DIED with the mother!
He made the arrangements for the adoption, removed the child from the maternal uncle’s care and relinquished his 5th child. He MARRIED a second time in June 1956…three (3) months AFTER HIS FIRST WIFE DIED. If he was unable, according to Joan, to financially keep her, how was he ABLE TO keep a wife and step-children?
If there was a WAY our father would have kept the 5th child, he would have, but there was none. He was NOT going to place that child into any kind of ‘guardianship’ that Joan Wheeler promotes as an alternative to adoption. It was NOT FEASIBLE, period.
The plain TRUTH is…Joan was placed into adoption because her mother DIED and the second wife REFUSED her. That’s the TRUTH.
Joan Wheeler KNOWS THIS TRUTH, but she refuses to accept it, instead she creates a lie that will SELL on her mission to destroy ADOPTION.
The rest of this ridiculous post is how she attempts to show that ALL GOVERNMENT employees are making money off adoption! And how ‘tax payers paid for it…to keep the system working’!
The logic that Joan Wheeler uses is beyond comprehension; it’s actually laughable! She is lamenting that people (employees) are committing crimes JUST FOR DOING THEIR JOBS. Like some clerk is NOT going to do what the LAW STATES because Joan Wheeler believes that adoption is a crime! Give me a break!
Joan laments that tax payers are also at fault! Like the regular ‘Joe and Jane’ will tell the government, ‘don’t spend my tax dollars on adoption’!!
Here’s a TRUTHFUL FACTUAL item for everyone to know! Joan Wheeler has been living OFF tax payers’ monies for decades!! She doesn’t hold a job, never worked as a ‘social-worker’, has ‘disabilities’ and ‘can’t work’ and sits on her ass, bitching and complaining and taking in ALL SHE CAN from the state of New York and the Federal Government!
Why do you think Joan wrote that libelous book…to earn money off the backs of two families! She lives in a fantasy world! She can’t reform adoption any more than she can reform herself.
All she can do is lie and cause troubles for family members who have worked, and paid taxes, for over 40 years or who are STILL WORKING. Joan Wheeler is a disgrace!
She writes, about her feelings; ‘I choke at the salaries paid and the income made at the transfer of a four month old’ and ‘I struggle with how it feels to be given away freely yet other people were paid to make sure this adoption was completed’.
She ought to choke and struggle! It’s all about her! No feelings for anyone but herself! Liar that she is…she has NO RESPECT for parents; be they birth or adopted, only for her own self-wallowing-pity!
screen shot of part of this garbage!
It’s almost as if she suffers from a learning disability on top of everything else. Does she realize that there is a financial cost to nearly everything we do and anything related to government programs or services is paid for by tax payers constributions? She simply comes across as a fool in her quest to seem like she cares about the issue of adoption. It always comes down to a “poor me, seek pity on me” kind of response. Very sad. And none of us reading your blog and accounts think thinks any of your father’s decisions to relinquish her and then adopt a child later in life were inhumane or harmful to any one!! Especially my tax dollars. How absurd!
Thank you Paula for pointing out what is obvious to everyone but Joan!
I’ve come to the conclusion, some time ago, that the reasons Joan hates adoption and promotes the unrealistic ‘guardianship’ as the only option to adoption is because she HAD to have been abused at the hands of the adoptive parents! Its the only thing that MAKES SENSE. For Joan has been told so many times by our father the truth and she refuses to accept it. Mind you that does not make her actions right, but it does points to what makes her act like a mad dog! Don’t anyone dare take her bone of contention from her! And because the birth siblings REFUSE to allow her lies to stand, she has to make sure that we are silenced! But that will NEVER happen, we are here for the distance and every time she speaks more of her illogical non-sense more people will see how crazy she really is.
I’m working on a post about this guardianship issue.
Ruth here, continuing the TRUTH of Joan’s adoption.
My mother’s sister, Catherine, had a childhood friend, Helen.Helen’s brother Edward and his wife couldn’t have children.
When my mother died, the family talked amongst themselves. My mother’s younger brother and his wife were taking care of Doris. In their home. While Ann was very pregnant with my cousin Jimmy. Catherine had just had her last child, my cousin Gail. Another cousin was also born in 1956, Dennis. Everybody was having kids at the same time, and had toddlers and other kids at home.
My Uncle Richard, who had Doris, called my father and asked him what he was going to do about the baby. Catherine and Helen were talking – Edward and his wife Doloris (aka Dorothy) had already had an adoption fall through. Perhaps they could adopt Doris?
TRUTH – Catherine talked to my father.
Now I don’t know the actual sequence of events, but my father did consult his parish priest, who at that time was Fr. Paul Eberz. The parish being Sacred Heart.(I know, because he baptized me, and was still the pastor when I attended the school there). Fr. Eberz became a good friend of our family.
Now Joan likes to say that Catherine and the priest approached my father at my mother’s funeral. BULLSHIT. Catherine would not have been in cahoots with Fr. Eberz – because – she was excommunicated from the Catholic Church because her husband was Protestant. And the church where she had her kids baptized and raised Catholic from was Visitation Church, near HER house, not ours.
Joan likes to say that the priest told my father the baby needs two parents. I suppose that is good advice, but um, if the priest said that about Doris/Joan, wouldn’t he have said it about me and the rest of my siblings? I mean, I was only three years old. And didn’t we ALL need two parents?
Joan postulates that this made my father being COERCED into giving her up for adoption. WRONG! He did agree to the adoption and handed the baby over to the Wheelers in April 1956. The adoption was finalized in January 1957. My father had ample time to reconsider his decision, but DID NOT. HE SIGNED THE FINAL ADOPTION PAPERS IN COURT.
But of course, the TRUTH isn’t that sensational for Joan’s taste and she must doctor it up with stupid DRAMA and LIES!