abuser, adoption, adoption reform, adoption reunions, Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, being downright nasty, birth/adoptive families, blaming people for your own mess, browbeating people over adoption, browbeating to get your own way, bullying, child abuse, co-dependency, embellishing the truth, ethics of social workers, exploiting a dying dead mother, false accusations, family honor, guardianship, interfering with parental authority, intimidation, Joan Wheeler, libelous book, lying, mental illness, propaganda, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds, utopias, worthlessness
Guardianship, as alternative to adoption, doesn’t work in the real world; its just another one of Joan Wheeler’s fantasies!
Joan Wheeler also known as Doris Sippel…
People do have utopian visions that they like to promote! Joan Wheeler certainly does! She wants everyone to believe that her vision, is right and that it should have been used, in her life, instead of her being adopted! This vision/view, of course, is interesting because it points to the fact that she must have been abused, via the adoptive family, for her to be so against adoption. For you see, Joan REFUSES to accept the reality of the circumstances of her birth and subsequent placement into adoption! Joan lives with the ‘what ifs’ instead of accepting reality.
The real problem here, with promoting a unrealistic, unworkable plans, is, that the real world doesn’t support utopias! And there is no one solution that fits all cases! Just because SOMETHING sounds good, on paper, in theory, in a book, does not make it so, in all cases.
Definition of guardianship: 1) position and responsibililty of a guardian, toward a ward 2) care, responsibility, a charge
Joan is fond of browbeating people with statements that they ‘ought to educate themselves’ and read the ‘same books that she has’ in order to understand her utopian vision and what it looks like. Problem is, it is those very books that promote those ‘best case scenarios’ that don’t hold up in real life. Life is complex; there is no one solution to each and every circumstance. Human beings are complex and can not be put into ‘pigeon holes’ of one sort or another!
For a fairly smart person, Joan Wheeler is pretty dumb! Hadn’t Joan ever learned how to use critical thinking and dissection of theories? If she wasn’t always looking the other way, from reality, perhaps she wouldn’t be the conditions she’s in…namely wrong and wrong and wrong!
One of the problems with believing your own ‘propaganda’ is that you lose track of reality! Always reading and believing ‘theories’ from ‘writers’ and ‘counselors’, that are paid to keep you sick and dependent on them, is that a person CAN, and usually DOES, lose their own ability to think for themselves and can’t ‘see the forest for the trees’! That’s Joan!
I learned a long time ago, in college, HOW to learn! Going to college doesn’t TEACH YOU A THING. It teaches you HOW to teach yourself HOW to think; it teaches you HOW to discern information and make your own assessments. And, in the past 3 years or so of critically looking at Joan’s ‘theories’ and how she presents them, I’ve come to understand her lack of understandings of life and her positions and thinking, or lack of. I’m NOT impressed.
I thought that Joan said she was a social worker! And that she worked with the homeless and other misfortunates!
How come she is so naive, at best, and, at most, just plain stupid. I thought she has 2 college degrees! Was Joan asleep during most of her ‘higher education’? All Joan can do is repeat what others have said…she reads a book and says ‘oh that’s me’. Joan is a typical hypochondriac of ‘the mind’. In the now dead book, that Joan wrote, she describes how her teachers and fellow students just would NOT agree with her! She took them to ‘task’ for NOT seeing her positions! To Joan’s mind even the policies of ethics of the Broad of Ethics of Social Workers are wrong! I kid you NOT. I’ve read Joan’s book! She doesn’t care about ethics. She only cares about her ‘view’ her ‘vision’.
Psychology 101 teaches the basic concept of human potential growth; see Abraham Maslow’s ‘hierarchy of needs theory’ for a fuller understanding. For our purposes here it is enough to know and comprehend that only AFTER, when all basic physical and mental needs are essentially fulfilled, only than, can any fuller personal potential take place. In order words, unless and until, a person has the security of food and shelter, there can be NO IMPROVEMENT in their lives, either individually or collectively. And, no human being, will put any thought into any altrusitic thought, until he has his basics MET.
In the following we have 1adoptee aka. Joan Wheeler’s utopian vision! I don’t have the site info but will guess that it’s from Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change. I have NOT corrected her spelling. I am interlining my comments under hers. Her words will be prefaced by JW??? and mine by GM>>> At the end I will provide her statements in full.
Title: Re: What are the facts? Post by: 1adoptee on October 21, 2011, 10:23:07 AM
JW???Guardianship is still far better than adoption because the child retains her birth certifcate and birth identity and extended family ties.
GM>>>Oh really!! seems to me that guardianship, in this post-modern world, has some serious draw backs of it’s own! Foster care is a FORM of guardianship and we all know THAT doesn’t work well in all cases. I’ve been a ‘ward’ of guardianship, in ‘state’ foster home and know from personal experience what can and can not happen for better or worst…but does Joan?
Guardianship, via extended family, also does not work well, in all cases. In our family/Joan’s case; it would have been impossible for our father to have HER in guardianship (with other family members) and his OTHER children in his second marriage! Then when THAT marriage fall apart (which it did) and all the children had to be placed in state-ran orphan and foster care, Joan would have been included! If Joan remained in our family she WOULD HAVE BEEN in the orphan home along with sister Ruth, brother Len and step-brother John, because those 3 were too young for state foster homes like sister Kathy and Gert! Is that what Joan Wheeler would have WANTED for her life?
I can certainly understand the need for family and birth identities to be known and accessible and am in favor of such being available when requested. But as far as birth-certificates are concerned…there are REAL reasons for the change of birth records when adopted. Those reasons are far more complex than I can address here. As a adoptive mother, I know that a name change MUST be recorded for families, that plural, so that they all can live with safety and securities that their ‘child’ will NOT be subjected to interference from others…for the total health of all.
When Joan interfered with my process of adopting my own son, is violated the sacred bonds of parent and child! She didn’t care about that, all she saw was that adoption is bad! Then, she went behind my back and alienated my children from me. Then, she called in 2 false child abuse reports on me! My son’s life was NOT Joan’s business and her interferrence is an example of just WHY birth records and adoption records are changed and SEALED…so that family members CAN NOT do just what Joan Wheeler did to me and my children!
In any event, let’s continue on and see how this works, according to Joan Wheeler.
JW???Even in the case of a severally malnurished child in a foreign orphanage has relatives. These people need help in correcting conditions of poverty and lack of food, and the solution is not to take the children away into foreign adoption.
GM>>>So with certainty she can state that there ARE relatives…in EVERY CASE! Where does she get her facts? She has none, this is a personal opinion. How did that child get to that orphanage in the first place? Drop off, perhaps? Relatives don’t matter in these cases! She does not know about HOW and WHY malnurished children are in these orphan home? Has she ever heard of war and those that must flee their home under fire? How do those children find their ‘relatives’, how do those institutions do it? They don’t!
And just HOW does Joan expect ‘these’ people to CORRECT conditions of poverty and lack of food? If one is starving they don’t get a shit about CORRECTION of anything…they want to EAT! Perhaps the ONLY way to save a child is via ADOPTION.
JW??? In the other case where adoptee discovered her natural mother was prototype junkie, prostitue, etc — again, all adoptions result in the sealing of the original birth certificate and the destruction of the birth identity and parentage and all family connections.
GM>>>’prototype’ ?? and what does the ‘etc’ mean here? Is there more? Why not spell it out? Is there a prejudice here? Joan does NOT give any suggestions as to how to keep that ‘prototype junkie, prostitute’ from BEING what they ARE. Birth records, name changes, confidentially issues etc have a purpose in life. If she wants to change the way the laws are done she needs to go to the law-makers…regular people, on the internet, don’t get a shit! In some cases, as perhaps with junkies and prostitutes, MAYBE the parents DON’T WANT TO BE KNOWN or DON’T GIVE A SHIT!
JW??? That junkie is the real mother of that adoptee, facts are facts. Where’s the father? Child support? Maybe he wanted the child and was refused. If he was a junkie, too, then both parents needed help to fix their problems,
GM>>> When it ‘suits’ Joan she can say ‘facts are facts’ but when presented with facts, as with the birth family, she will lie instead! Right, the junkie is the real mother! Doesn’t matter what that junkie did or didn’t do to that child that was adopted. And where’s the father? the child support? Sure! Joan doesn’t seem to have a grasp on reality. At the core of human nature are a few basic things…eating, shitting, sleeping and fucking! If you don’t believe me, just think about it awhile. Most people will do, those basic things, BEFORE they give any consideration of their own well-being or another’s or a child’s needs. In particular those with addictions, they will SELL their children for the next fix! Sure, the parents’ should have their problems fixed! Reality check here…HAS Joan fixed her problems yet? If she can’t do it, how the hell does she expect junkies to do it AND keep their children?
JW??? but to severe the child’s ties forever from the parents in completely erasing the identity by formal adoption and the new, amended birth certificate, does nothing but create another statistic of false identity documents by the governement.
GM>>>by this logic every child, regardless of economic and social standing, should NEVER have an opportunity for any descent homelife nor the potential to advance in the world.
JW??? There are ways to treat drug addicts and prostitues to re-claim their lives and their children.
GM>>>Really!! And Joan knows this because…? What a naive statement! What kind of drug is she taking? There are some people that WILL NEVER be fixed, treated or be able to ‘re-claim’ their lives or their children!
JW??? Guardianship would give a loving home to a child who needs responsible parents while the irresponsible parents get the help they need.
GM>>>and what IF THERE IS NO ONE to be that guardian? As WAS the case in her adoption! There WAS a guardianship, for Joan, until our father could MAKE THE DECISION. There were OFFERS to adopt Joan AND 2 other children! My father SAID he was NOT GIVING UP ALL HIS CHILDREN. He had negotiated a marriage that DID provide for his 4 and her 2 BUT NOT the infant (Joan) because the 2nd wife would NOT take the infant. He could NOT have another relative be guardian or adoptive parent to ONE of his children! The solution was to give Joan up INTO ADOPTION, a closed adoption! If he could NOT raise his last child with the other children, he had to provide for her via ADOPTION. This is what Joan refuses to accept.
How does Joan know that ‘guardianship’ would be a loving home? I know several people that were children during the Depression when many families gave their children away to ‘relatives’ because the parents were unable to provide for them. Those relatives that were ‘guardians’ did NOT provide a loving home; they made slaves out of their ‘wards’!
Are only ‘irresponsible’ parents in need of help? How about Joan herself, is she responsible or irresponsible? She’s been on state welfare, she raised her kids on it, and today she still is on ‘public’ assistance…seems to me that’s pretty irresponsible. Why doesn’t she get that help she says everyone else should get? So…where? How? Do they get the help? Does Joan not know the realities of our country’s Social Services agencies? Obviously, it hasn’t help Joan for if it did she would have to be RESPONSIBLE. She makes her own case AGAINST her illogical presentations.
JW??? Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
GM>>>A temporary problem??!! What’s the length of time for a ‘temporary’ problem? How long did I stay in ‘foster care’ while I waited for my father to bring me back home? Eight (8) years! Yep! My mother died when I was 9. One year later, at age 10, I was placed in a foster home, because dad’s second wife became ill. I left the foster home at age 18, a senior in HS and lived with my Dad for 3 months before I married! Yep…’guardianship’ was a temporary solution.
Regardless of age of child, or type of placement, away from parents, that a child has known, ie. guardianship, is not always the best solution. Joan was an infant, there was NEVER any parent/child bonding, because the father KNEW that he would have to ‘give up’ that child, one way or another…for the best of all. His philosophy, then and later, and one that many would use is…out of sight, out of mind. And because he knew that is wife was dying, within 2 weeks after the birth of the child, he HAD to make that child DEAD in his mind and heart, in order to GIVE HER UP. Only Joan can not accept that! She will find yet more and more ‘books’ on infant bonding etc and use THAT card in her argument. She just refuses to accept the reality.
According to Joan, children should NOT have any opportunities to have other parent(s), a home, a life besides the broken, fractured lives of parents and/or circumstances! Adoption is wrong, period, has no place in the world and should be abolished!
Joan hates adoption, NOT because she lost her family…she was found, she had that family…she destroyed all the relationships, in that family. Joan hates adoption BECAUSE she must have been ABUSED in that adoptive family…nothing else makes sense. Why doesn’t Joan come clean about it and perhaps then maybe she would finally get well.
a PS of sorts…
I just saw a movie: The Factory. It’s one of those dark stories about sex slaves and mass murderers. In the story, the male-killer takes girls ‘in the trade’ off the streets and gets them pregnant.’The factory’ is a sort of baby factory for a bizarre reason, later revealed, for his ‘first’ captive. Turns out they had fallen in love ? but she is infertile, so they have this sick factory. Strange! It ends with the good cop dead, the male-killer dead, and the ‘first love’ (a bad cop) having three (3) babies produced by the ‘factory’ and the daughter of the dead cop having a forth!
Now, even if this story is fictional, we all know that there are some pretty sick minds out there. We also know that in reality BABIES are conceived and born OUT OF these sick circumstances. So…with that thought in mind…if such occurred in real life…where a sick woman has child/ren it would only be a matter of TIME before her ‘sickness of mind’ would become evident (or she died) and the child/ren would be in jeopardy and even brought to the attention of authorities and adoption could be an option.
But according to Joan’s mind…these children would have RELATIVES that ought to have them versus them going into adoption! Where are the relatives of child/ren produced under strange sick circumstance? Joan hasn’t a CLUE!
Any way… here is Joan’s full statement:
Guardianship is still far better than adoption because the child retains her birth certifcate and birth identity and extended family ties. Even in the case of a severally malnurished child in a foreign orphanage has relatives. These people need help in correcting conditions of poverty and lack of food, and the solution is not to take the children away into foreign adoption. In the other case where adoptee discovered her natural mother was prototype junkie, prostitue, etc — again, all adoptions result in the sealing of the original birth certificate and the destruction of the birth identity and parentage and all family connections. That junkie is the real mother of that adoptee, facts are facts. Where’s the father? Child support? Maybe he wanted the child and was refused. If he was a junkie, too, then both parents needed help to fix their problems, but to severe the child’s ties forever from the parents in completely erasing the identity by formal adoption and the new, amended birth certificate, does nothing but create another statistic of false identity documents by the governement. There are ways to treat drug addicts and prostitues to re-claim their lives and their children. Guardianship would give a loving home to a child who needs responsible parents while the irresponsible parents get the help they need. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. end
UPDATE January 2017; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ published in 2009, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011 due to libelous material in it. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’, being her own editor and owner. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and reedited and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!
https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/ this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.