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Who does Joan Wheeler #forbiddenfamily hate the most?
1st, the woman who adopted her! AND 2nd herself! Their relationship was a love/hate, symbiotic, co-dependency, sadist/masochistic relationship! And one that neither of them wished nor wanted to dissolve! It was literally ‘to death do we part’! But it continues on past the grave…for Joan Wheeler still keeps the hate ALIVE.
A tweet of May 16, 2013 tells us what Joan Wheeler believes a ‘just’ punishment should be.
@HuffPostCrime @HuffingtonPost She wants to die. Let her live till 90. 70+ years in jail to relive her hell. Death by injection: too easy
Okay, I shall grant you that there are many good reasons for keeping someone in jail for life versus the death penalty…but that debate is NOT what we are discussing here. So put aside your own personal opinion on the issue of life imprisonment or death, for that is not our focus. The point of this post is to show where the SOURCE of Joan’s hatred comes from…the adoptive family!
In the above tweet, where is ‘compassion’ ‘empathy’? There is none! When someone ‘hurts’ Joan, they will pay the price…until Joan herself dies. As a birth sibling I know this all too well! Joan hates me and the rest of the birth family almost as much as she does the DEAD adoptive mother. I know this because that book was the ‘essence’ and the ‘voice’ of Joan’s hatred!
In that, now dead book of Joan’s, Forbidden Family, she details many horrific exchanges with herself and the adoptive mother. She details and describes her own ‘inner torment’. The reasons? To prove the evils of ADOPTION, for in Joan’s mind, she is the way she is and her life is the way it is, BECAUSE OF ADOPTION.
Joan has stated in the book and on many an internet forum that her adoptive mother NEVER apologized to her, for adopting her! Joan hounded that woman, all her life and onto her death bed, for an apology! That’s how far this hatred went! The woman was 95 when she died!
In 2008 my father suggested to Joan that she move her adoptive mother into a nursing home, where her care would be taken care of, thereby relieving Joan of the burden, sell the house and move into an apartment to save money. There was at that time an apartment, above my father’s, that was available. To Joan that was unacceptable. She saw that she would be TRAPPED, being so close to the birth father, whom she believed to be a tyrant, into ‘taking care of him’ as she was with her adoptive mother. So she didn’t to that. Her reasoning was colored by all kinds of preconceived notions too complex to analyze here, but, the bottom line is that Joan NEEDED to keep the HOUSE AND PROPERTY of the adoptive mother for Joan herself. To Joan’s mind, having that house KEEPS Joan from living in ‘poverty’. Frankly, I can’t understand how she is paying her taxes for a house in the suburbs on a NY state disability check!
From the hate-book…pg 556 (year 2009)
‘Mom fought with me that I was imagining things…Mom’s argumentative nature caused me to hide in my room, crying, each time I tried to do something right. She was not demented, nor did she have Alzheimer’s disease. To relatives who did not live with her, Mom was a (sic) sweet as pie, but for me, she was like this ever since I was a toddler, which means these traits existed long before I was adopted.’
In my search, within the pages of that disgusting ‘memoir’ of Joan’s, I came across something I hadn’t seen before. It must be remembered that this book is 640 pages long with so much hate, anger, lies and fabrications that even after 3 years LONG years of reading and writing about it, there are PAGES I have yet to READ. Anyway, I came across a sub-section called ‘adoptive mother’s bizarre plan of action to reveal the truth to me’ in chapter 38 ‘unequal treatment of 1 half-orphan out of 36’. In this sub-section is revealed some of the most vivid details of this S&M relationship.
Pages 514/515…year 1983
‘a few months before my wedding…told me…of my mother’s idea to tell me about the existence of my (birth family)…it was so shocking I took the rest of the day off from my job…she (adoptive mother) admitted that she planned on telling me 10 minutes before…I would walk down the aisle to be married…sisters called before and ruined her plan…I ruined her plans for my life…getting pregnant…married a man she did not approve of…mad at me for doing…this on purpose…my mother did not see as a person.
‘I was angry at her sheer stupidity, and her medieval, or Biblical mindset. I was so shocked that I was hyperventilating, sweaty and shaky. My screaming at mom caused my un-born baby to thrash around in agitation. I felt my heart jump in my chest. I left mom’s house, drove to the doctor…he told me to avoid my mother for the rest of my pregnancy or I could miscarry…’
‘my mother sent me dozens of letters (of hate statements)…unfortunately all the letters of harassments I received were burned in an act of preparation for suicide – I was burning bad and good parts of my life. I have burned, thrown out, or given away my belongings periodically in frenzied attempts to rid myself of my horrible life.’
Note the preparation for suicide…Joan’s been doing this FOREVER.
So if, it’s this love/hate relationship, with the adoptive mother, that is the root cause of why Joan Wheeler hates adoption, okay, but for her to use her hate against EVERY person who adopts…that is totally wrong-headed. In fact, this only proves Joan’s mental state of mind is unhealthy.
This proves that the book is NOT about adoption reform, but, an indictment against the adoptive mother and the birth family! By Joan’s own hand she documents her mental health, or lack of health, and shows us the source of her hatred…her adoptive mother and herself.
No amount of therapy will ever help Joan, for she doesn’t want to be helped. She defines herself by her hatred for her adoptive mother and herself and adoption. She will continue browbeating and condemning people and institutions that adopt because of her hatred.
It is interesting that Joan seems to forget what she herself wrote in that “great, wonderful” book of hers – Early in 2012, Joan ws trying to point out to her adoptee buddies that her birth sisters, via our blogs told her to kill herself. I rebutted that statement in my post “Figures of Speech and We Tell Joan Wheeler to kill herself…NOT! Part 2 March 23, 2012″ https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/figures-of-speech-and-we-tell-joan-wheeler-to-kill-herself-not-part-2/
As usual in her ranting hatred of us, Joan blames us for HER state of mind – of suicide thoughts, yet we see as Gert quotes Joan from her own book – Joan’s own statments of wanting to do away with herself – “… were burned in an act of preparation for suicide – I was burning bad and good parts of my life. I have burned, thrown out, or given away my belongings periodically in frenzied attempts to rid myself of my horrible life.”
Those are Joan’s words – right out of her book – WE did not put them there – JOAN did. Joan was “preparing” for suicide long before our blogs were in existence.