abuser, adoption reform, adoption reunions, age differences between parents and children, being downright nasty, birth/adoptive families, blaming people for your own mess, browbeating people over adoption, bullying, change your life, child abuse, death, dying, exploiting a dying dead mother, Forbidden Family a book of lies, grief, grieving, mental illness, worthlessness
Joan Wheeler has a strange obsession with death and grieving and sadness!
There really is something radically wrong with someone who spends an entire life-time bemoaning her losses! She ought to become a professional ‘mourner’; this way she could make money from her wailing and tearing out her hair and leave the rest of the world in peace.
Sure, no one ever gets over the loss of a loved one, but come on already, life is for the living and if you are living you MUST get on with the business of LIVING it! What possible good does it do for Joan to browbeat people, who adopt or advocate adoption, with her abnormal sense of loss and grief? Joan really is making an ass of herself.
Let’s look at a couple of statements that Joan, screen name of forbiddenfamily, said in comments on this Huffington Post article. I am not providing the entire comment…too much bullshit. To see them in their entirely…
Comment Part 3 of 4
Joan said…You may gloat upon your success at open adoption, but you are missing the points of added burdens upon the adoptee and the natural parents.
Gert’s comment…Joan is so condescending! Only her views and opinions matter!
Joan said…I won’t be here when your adoptees reach my age of 57 to re-evaluate their lives. Wait till they grieve the loss of four parents: you won’t be here, either.
Gert’s comment…Has Joan REALLY re-evaluated her life? Did I miss it? ‘Re-evaluation’? No she has not! Same ol, same ol! She thinks she has ‘years of experience’ when actually she has only years of bullshit that she had built up. Just because she is older doesn’t make her any more ‘wiser’. Joan is becoming a carbon-copy of her bitter angry adoptive mother! Joan also forgets that people grieve over the loss of many different relationships and events. Grief and grieving, is NOT a way of life…unless you are Joan Wheeler.
Joan said…Most people can’t bear to see their parents die; two dead parents is the norm. You are forcing adoptees to cope with more than the normal person can bear.
Gert’s comment…This is an example of how Joan uses ‘transference’ on others. She assumes and speculates! She condemns! How does Joan know what a ‘normal’ person can bear? Joan cannot bear! Joan cannot cope! There are many people, besides ‘adoptees’ that have more than two parents. I had two foster parents who were as much real ‘parents’ to me as those that gave me life. I coped with that loss, just as I coped with the loss of parents and other significant people in my life. I suspect that most people can too. It is Joan, in her inability to cope, that cannot bear anything. Joan’s whole purpose in life is to make sure that others don’t suffer like she has suffered! What a god-complex! Joan the ‘savior’ has arrived!
Joan said…Trust me. My close friend, in her 60s, lost her 92 year old mother one week before Mother’s Day and she has not left her house yet. But what of the adoptee who must bury two mothers and two fathers?
Gert’s comment…Trust Joan is the last thing ANYONE ought to do! It is NOT uncommon for someone who has recently had a loss to ‘stay home’ for a bit of time. And the way Joan writes this is quite interesting and misleading. Joan wrote this comment on May 16. Mother’s Day was May 12. One week before May 12 was May 5….that’s a total of 11 (eleven) days! That is NOT a long time to stay home after a death! I do Hospice work. Joan does not know what she is talking about. Joan uses drama to make her points!
Now let’s get to this point of ‘the adoptee who must bury two mothers and two fathers’ Perhaps she should NOT have used the word ‘bury’ but since she did, let’s see how Joan ‘buried’ 4 people!
Birth mother died March 1956 age 30. Joan was an infant and did not bury her!
Adopted father died February 1982 age 67. Joan was 26. It was his WIDOW who BURIED him, not Joan.
Birth father died January 2011 age 87. Joan was 55. She most certainly DID NOT bury him!
After years of abuse, from Joan to the birth father, he finally had enough of her in 2009 when he removed mention of and recognition of her, as his child, in his obit and other papers. He also told Joan NOT to come around. A week before he died, Joan came unannounced to his home and then went directly to his hospital room. Her reason; she NEEDED to speak with him. When he died, the entire birth family, including his widow, FORBADE Joan from being in their presence at any calling hours or the funeral. Joan was given a certain ‘time’ to go to view his remains. When she saw that she was NOT included in the obit, she paid for one of her own.
Adoptive mother died March 2011, age 95. Joan was 55. She most CERTAINLY DID bury her!
That’s one out of four that Joan BURIED! What an exaggerator she is. What she ought to have said was GRIEVED. A person, in a life-time, will have more people to grieve over than just parents. Joan needs to stop being so self-centered in her grief!
And comment Part 4 of 4
Joan said…It is clear to me, because I have lived through this kind of parental loss that you and your open adoption family do not yet know what the future will bring.
Gert’s comment…There she goes again, with her vast years of experience of having ‘lived through this kind of parental loss’! She and only she have ever had any loss! And Joan the savior is also a seerer, a clairvoyant! She KNOWS what the future will bring!
Joan said…The adoptee legally belongs to only you. You hold the power and you know it.
Gert’s comment…This is, in a nut-shell, the central core that Joan has against adoption; that the adoptive parents have the legal claim to the adoptee. It also shows that Joan’s adoptive parents, in Joan’s case, the mother, was the ONE who had the POWER over Joan. There’s more in this comment, which I have deleted for it’s more of her ranting.
Joan said…And that will follow that adoptee, and that adoptee’s future generations, long after you are dead. How you can live with that baffles me.
Gert’s comment…Joan is power-LESS to stop the institutions of adoption; that is why she browbeats anyone who adopts. Her parting sentiment shows her contempt to the person she is speaking to. Is there any wonder why Joan Wheeler is being laughed at?