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As a member of the real ‘forbidden family’ I answer 10 interview questions related to my article ‘how adoption affected my family’

by on June 25, 2013

Joan m Wheeler, now known as Doris M Sippel is an adoptee and my birth sibling. She’s the adopted one. I’m part of the forbidden family; the family that SHE was forbidden to know. Such is the way of adoption; not all adoptions are equal and the same. When Joan wrote a libelous book, called Forbidden Family, in 2009, she opened herself, and that book, to full disclosure! And so it goes. Joan Wheeler is not the only one that can write about adoption!

UPDATED INFO AT END OF THIS POST February 2017 and Nov 2017

I had been approached in December 2012 by an individual who was doing research on adoption. I was asked to write about how adoption had touched myself and family. Here are just 2 of several email exchanges we had (parts deleted by me)

From: C Allen To: Gert McQueen Sent: Wednesday, December 5, 2012 4:07 PM Subject: Re: my story

Thanks Gert. I received your story – and what a story it is! I’m sorry you have had such harassment from your own flesh and blood, and its not you fault she was adopted.

What I wrote was placed on this blog and is here…

How my family has been touched by adoption; both positive and negative aspects by Gert McQueen on January 13, 2013

I then received the following, From: C Allen To: Gert McQueen Sent: Thursday, April 11, 2013 10:49 AM Subject: RE: my story project

Hi Gert, Sorry it’s been such a long time. I hope you are well and just thought i’d contact you about my project which is due in end of May. I am concentrating a lot of intercountry adoption, and why people don’t adopt domestically and their experiences. Obviously, your experience with adoption is definitely helpful. I was wondering if you ever published the story you sent to me on your blog?  I’m only asking as it may be difficult to pull quotes from it in an interview format if you have. If you have, and I understand why you would want to, then this is fine too. Maybe I can send you some questions via email for you to answer pulling from your experience/how it can go wrong and have such an impact on the whole family. Please let me know if this is ok and I can forward you some questions. If you haven’t posted the story onto your blog I will go ahead and use this too if that is still ok. As I said, it is for my dissertation so my tutors will only be seeing it..   Thanks!

Then via Twitter June 12, 2013, we had this exchange….

(from C.) Hi Gert, didn’t use any of your story in the end due to word count restrictions! I really appreciate your help!

(to C.) well that happens! I’m really glad U asked me to write, placed it all concisely! good luck w/your work!

AND so I’m now free to post the interview! Here then are the ten interview questions…asked by C. and answered by me. If you had never read my story you may want to and if you had read it, reread it with new insights from these interview questions.

received and answered in April 2013

1. Based on your experiences with re-uniting with your sister who was adopted, do you think this happens a lot? The resentment and bitterness that comes from being adopted and her other siblings not being?

1) Of course I am only speaking for myself. But, from my readings of other adoptees I’ve come to the conclusion that there are perhaps 3 major types of adoptees, with degrees within each type. Each type then reacts with varying degrees of resentment and bitterness.

Type one, are pretty much like the rest of humanity (on or about any topic) mainly indifferent. So if an adoptee is this type they are ‘indifferent’ to the status of ‘being adopted’. They accept what life has given them, have learned to accept the good and bad and try to have as good a life as possible.

Type two, have in general a more positive attitude towards life, have a strong spiritual and moral compass, view their personal circumstances as ‘learning opportunities’. If an adoptee is this type, they have learned to live comfortably with ‘being adopted’.

Type three, have in general a negative attitude that can ran the gamut from low/mild to high/hate/rage. It appears that they can’t make, or maintain, a spiritual/moral compass to over-ride the base-negative aspects of human emotions and worldview. They have difficulty with or never have learned to live happily, comfortably in any situation and in the extreme can be pathological, in their belief systems and behavior, about ‘being adopted’. This type of adoptee sees themselves as victims and finds any example or source to justify their victimhood and point the finger at others or the system.

I do believe that there is a lot of resentment and bitterness when an adoptee cannot rectify, mentally/emotionally, the circumstances for their being placed into adoption. Upon being ‘found’, or to ‘know’ of the birth-family, it seems that the ‘grass was greener on the other side’ type of resentment surfaces. If there is little to no moral compass the bitterness will turn on, to everyone, by the adoptee; no one wins, everyone loses.

My sister, the one placed into adoption, does not accept the reality of the circumstance of her placement into adoption. She repeats the falsehood that father was ‘coerced’ into giving her up when mother died; to an infertile couple who ‘just wanted a baby’. The truth is that there was no one to help him raise her. Father’s second wife, whom he had an arranged marriage agreement with while his wife was dying, refused to raise the infant. There were six other children to consider. The seventh was removed quickly; out of sight, out of mind. In addition, about 5 years into the reunion, father ‘adopted’ a step-daughter. I’m sure that twist of fate caused more resentment and bitterness. She feels the same resentment towards the infertile couple (her adoptive parents); if they weren’t infertile she wouldn’t have been adopted by THEM.

2. You mentioned believing she may have been abused by her adoptive parents.. do you have any evidence/did you ever ask about this?

2) I have never asked about whether there was any abuse, in my adopted-out sister’s life. It was only after she had published a hate book, since pulled via publisher for the libelous contents, and speaking with other family members that had more years of contact with her that I became aware of the extent of her anger and wondered where it came from. I base my assumption, of likely child abuse, either by adoptive parents or someone in that family via my adopted-out sister’s own verbal and written accounts and her actual reactions over the years.

She is quick to condemn anyone, of and over, any imagined transgression that does not fit into her own worldview. She is quick to report false child abuse upon others in various degrees. She did it twice to me, once when I told her to butt out of my own parent/child relationships and my decision to ‘adopt’ and again in retaliation for me denying her something and moving my family out of the area and my daughter’s ‘run-away’ episode.

In her own documentation and repeating her narratives she details rages with the adoptive mother, an adoptive uncle and of her own behavior towards her children. These episodes, which she clearly has no problem relating, indicate that she was raised with anger and fear. Upon becoming aware of her birth family and details of her adoption, she used that knowledge as a weapon to go after the adoptive parents, mostly the mother. She details many of her rages against her own children seemingly without realizing that she is describing her own child abuse to and on her children! She details how, during pregnancy and right after birth of her children how she felt ‘sexually’ towards them. She taught her children about adoption this way…you are a mommy, then you fall down and die, then you get up and go over to the other side of the room and pick up someone else’s doll (baby) and become the adoptive mommy.

In her ‘studying’, of adoption issues and related psychological aspects, she has become a psychological hypochondriac, using these against both adoptive and birth families. As a couple of examples; she accuses me, in print, of using drugs and alcohol to sexually abuse her upon first being united; as a ‘means of getting back to mommy’! She wanted, and initiated, a sexual three-some with myself and husband. It happened once and when we refused any further activity she began her campaign against our parenting and called child abuse upon us. She has a fixation on child sexual abuse.

A birth family member had seen her shake violently with fear when she thought she was going to be ‘hit’ by a boyfriend. Her own documenting of her excessive drinking and sexual activities, her many abusive boyfriends, how she ‘curled into a fetal position afraid to move’ and then afraid to end the relationship; all red flags that she was physically and sexually abused, before the birth family knew her.

She has never spoken to members of the birth family about her childhood; we know nothing about her childhood, only her teen years. She doesn’t even discuss it much in her book; there is little to nothing about her childhood. When a birth family member asked specific questions about her early childhood she dodged the questions and brought the topic back to the birth family’s childhood of which she is fascinated and jealous of.

She has put in print and on a web site a blackmail attempt to us stating that each one of her sisters have some ‘secret’ we are afraid she will expose. Clearly, there is some kind of transference from HER childhood upon us birth sisters because we REFUTE her lies and book.

3. What do you think drives someone to give a child up for adoption – would you ever give up a child if you needed to for example?

3) There are many reasons to give up a child into adoption; most of them are very valid! While there are certainly many unsavory, illegal types of activities that place children in adoption, domestic and foreign, I cannot speak of them, for the same reason I can’t speak of say…drug or prostitution traffic; totally out of my range of concern or influence.

I learned a long time ago to ‘never to say never cause you never know until the time comes’. I can speak about my own personal opinions and actions. In 1965, as an 18 year old high school senior, Catholic, being pregnant would have been reason to expel me from school, even in the public school I attended. I was pregnant with 2 months to go till graduation. I married in July. Right up to the last second, the priest said I could ‘still give up my baby into adoption’. The reason was because I was marrying a non-Catholic. I said no, we both wanted the child and marriage. We had two children before the marriage failed, but we WANTED our children, then. It was many years later that my children’s father wanted me to ‘get those kids adopted so I don’t have to pay the child support’. My fiancé at the time wanted to adopt my children, but he DIED. Years later another man married me and did ADOPT one of my two children. My children were over the age of 14 by that time and HAD to give their own permission to be adopted. My daughter, age 15, was in the midst of the usual teenage ‘identity crisis’ and chose no adoption. Whether legally or not both my children were ADOPTED.

It was financial reasons and lack of responsibility for the father of my children to want to have them adopted. It was for love of child and family that my children would have been adopted earlier, if not for death. It was also for love and family that my children were adopted.

The death of my mother was the main reason for the placement of her last child, my sister, into adoption. When my father learned that his wife was dying, after giving birth to his fifth child, he arranged a marriage of convenience to provide for his/her children; a total of 7 children. But the infant was refused by the 2nd wife; hence the reason that adoption was the only option available. Guardianship, with other family members, was not an acceptable alternative. If my father could not raise his last child NO other family member would raise her. His reason for giving up one of his children was out of love and necessity to provide for the majority of the children. The only way that he could psychologically ‘give up’ his child was to make her ‘dead’ in his mind and heart; which he did when his wife died. We know this for it is recorded in my mother’s family Bible, in my father’s hand. The last child is listed as dead, the same day the mother died.

4. Obviously, adoptions do go wrong, and meeting with birth parents later on in life can be upsetting – do you think most children should meet their birth parents/ how do you think this should be approached if they do?

4) Its normal and natural for anyone to want to know their family and be ‘accepted’. People come from different maturity levels at different ages and have many varied levels of knowing and understanding of personal boundaries and behaviors. But just because people come from the same gene pool does not mean that they have the same family beliefs and sense of what is acceptable in the birth family. Behavior that was acceptable in the adopted family will not always work when applied to the birth family. There is absolutely no way that anyone can know, with certainly, that if and when, parent and child met, that it is beneficial or not. Not everyone is capable of kindness and so meeting birth parents could go from good to bad.

Speaking from personal experience; I do not believe that any adoption should take place where ANYONE in the birth family and adoptive family know each other. This occurred in my family, various birth and adoptive family members knew each other and the birth identity of the adopted child and her family. Facts of who, and where my sister was, were given to me when I was about 16. When we birth siblings knew our adopted-out sister was 18, we were told, via an adoption agency and a lawyer, that siblings can make ‘contact’ and we did. Our reasons were based on love and wanting her but our own levels of comprehension of her and adoptive family was not mature. Upon being found, at 18, the adoptee was not mature to handle it and the adopted family erupted in anger, fear and hate for all.

I would NOT recommend for anyone in the birth family to look for the adopted-out member; you don’t know what you will find. If the adoptee finds the birth family I would recommend being very careful, again, you don’t know what you will find. In our birth family, everyone, tried and tried to accept her back but her behaviors were always a source of tension at best and dangerous at worst. Each immediate birth family member had grave difficulties with the united-adoptee, some more than others, and overtime each, including the parent, wanted nothing more to do with the adoptee. Over the 40 years since reunion, things that were done, by the adoptee to birth family members, could have been forgotten about except that the adoptee’s way of dealing with being adopted and then being rejected was to write a scandalous libelous hate manifesto against everyone in birth and adoptive families. Needless to say that was not a good thing to have done.

I do believe that adoptees should have available to them, their medical history from their genetic parents. I also believe that under optimal circumstances that they should be able to have the names of their parents. By optimal I mean, as a suggestion, a ‘clearing house’ where requests can be submitted and then a ‘committee’ review to determine whether both parties want the contact and then a social-work assessment to see if both parties are mentally stable enough for the contact. From my experience we did not made contact with our birth sibling ,we made contact with a person who was raised with abuse, fear, hate and anger who then developed major disturbing behavior patterns, who displays several mental illness traits and who has harmed the birth family and the adoptive family severely.

5. What are your views on domestic vs intercountry adoption?

5) I believe that we should take care of our own first, whether that is our own family, community or nation. In the US we have more than enough people/children that need help before going elsewhere. Feed, house, give child care, education, adopt, give medical care, whatever, to the population of the United States before going anywhere else.

6. Do you have people have even more problems with intercountry adoption/meeting birth parents etc?

6) There are many tragic circumstances in the ‘global’ world; far too many for my one brain to handle. But I would guess that it would be far more difficult, with many unseen problems, for inter-country adoption and reuniting with parents. One should just not adopt outside of one’s homeland.

7. Can you just describe in short how adoption itself has affected your family and yourself – emotions, how has it changed you, what you didn’t expect, what you have learnt from it.

7) The death of my mother was tragic in itself. Five children, 3 months to 9 years, lost not only a mother, but also a sister who was placed into adoption out of necessity. I was the oldest and had more memories of this missing sister. Then within a year, we also lost a step-mother, due to illness. Four siblings plus a stepbrother were placed in orphan and foster homes, separated from our father from anywhere between a couple of years to 18 years. As siblings, all we wanted was to have our sister in our lives. Our father, the rest of the family, including another step-mother and step-siblings, willing, lovingly and openly received the adopted-out family member back into our lives and hearts; but we all were betrayed.

None of us ever expected to have such disturbing and dangerous things done to us, not once (when the acts against each of us were committed) but twice (with the publication of the libelous book). Contacting her was the worst mistake of our collective lives! In the years since we three birth siblings have refuted and attempted to restore our personal and family reputations, we have had to fight continuous nasty battles with several ‘militant’ angry adoptees, of which, seem to consider ANYONE who adopts or is pro-adoption to be an enemy. I am sickened and appalled at the level of hate some adoptees have towards adoption. Perhaps my adopted-out sister had a ‘bad’ gene, but mostly likely it was because she was raised in an abusive, hate-filled and fear based home.

On the other hand, the adoption of my own child, with my second husband, was a wonderful thing. My children were in their teens, had a ‘relationship’ with their birth father and it was their choice to be or not to be adopted. But, that adoption was violated by my adopted-out sister. Her actions of interfering in my parental rights cause a deep rip in the fabric of my marriage and relationships with my children, who since hate their ‘aunt’. The slander that has been and still is being said about me, my marriage, my children, my siblings, my parents, my entire life, is devastating! Other siblings have had to deal with more slander (letters written to all manner of people), friends being harassed, and interlopers intimidating them, stealing, false reports to employers and many other nasty deeds.

What I’ve learned is…don’t open the box! Leave it alone! If someone was adopted out of your family leave it be; they were not raised like you, don’t have ‘history’ with you and could be dangerous to you. Don’t go looking yourself. If they come and find you, keep your distance.

8. Are you in contact at all with her now? Does this make you angry/sad?

8) No, I am not in physical contact with her, since 1981. When she interfered into my parental rights, I tried to get ‘mediation’ (she denied cooperation). I ‘divorced’ her in 1982. I saw her at a brief family visit in 1992 (she proceeded to slander and condemn me within hours of visit. I maintained the divorce). In 1998 I wrote her a ‘get lost’ letter after I received a letter from her wherein she ‘wanted to talk with me’. When I did phone her she screamed at me and hung up. The letter was just another way for her to cause trouble for me with other people. In 2005, after my brother died and my father was ill, I wanted to close the negative stuff between us and had one short phone conversation with her, wherein she told me she ‘loved me’. But, as with all other ‘contacts’ she fabricated things, libeled me and others, in a book published 2009. At one point, the visit in 1992, I was willing and able to ‘forgive’. But her repeated attacks upon me and other family members and the publication of the libelous book was the end of any positive feelings. I’m not so much angered as I am horrified that a person would do things that she does and that she has no feelings or concerns about the lives of countless family members, both adoptive and birth.

9. What do you think adopters do for an adoption to be successful..?

9) LOVE the child! Treat them with respect and dignity as any one ought to with their children.

10. Finally – can I have your age, occupation and which state you live in/location.

10) I am 66 years old, retired from a 37 year career as a Certified Dental Assistant, in private and federal employment. I live in Upstate New York, in a small village.

 

UPDATE February 2017; as older posts are being seen I, Gert, am updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism’ published in 2009, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011 due to libelous material in it. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’, being her own editor and owner. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and reedited and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/     this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoptionStruggleforIdentity1/

in addition…This author, whether she goes by Joan M Wheeler or Doris M Sippel, has three books, all the same but for title and author name. There are two ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

The buying public has the right to view and comment on those forums and comments.

NOV 2017...it has come to my attention that Amazon has discontinued their discussion forums…so the following links do not work…but I’m in the process of collecting my blog post of my discussion topics.

Here are those links…

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Adoptee-Duped-Adoption/forum/Fx16ZHWP5PQHHCK/-/1/ref=cm_cd_fp_rvt?_encoding=UTF8&asin=B00X520CGW

Joan Mary Wheeler forum

https://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/forum.html/ref=cm_cd_rvt?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx3T0YAD0KXNPP5

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Joan-M-Wheeler/dp/1412061547

 

 

end

Lisa Marie permalink

I agree with everything you have written.  There are three types of adoptees.  I have 9 adoptees in my family.  The majority feel as you have written have a positive attitude.  Adoption isn’t a factor in their life.  One always had a positive attitude.  Once her adopted parents died she contacted her birthparents.  As you wrote it would have been better if she left the box closed. I also have a sister who was a birthparent, as a teen.  I stand up for her and a friend who was raped at 14  when abortion wasn’t legal. They have moved on with their life.  Of course they hope the best for the child.   They don’t want what happened to them in the past to hurt the family they have now.  Of course mutual consent as you also stated.   If legislature could only listen to the other side of the story.  Your sister and the gang in adoption reform (mostly angry adoptees) don’t speak the whole truth they tell one side of the story as if the other side does not exist. Some wanting to end adoption totally. Since they have the loudest voices  those in legislature across the country are listening.  I’m doing what I can to tell both sides support mutual consent but as our Governor Christie has said it’s not enough for them, they want it all.

Do you think it is ok if I copy this and send it to legislature in my state.  My state is considering opening birth certificates to adoptees with a no contact.  I’ve tried to explain that a no contact doesn’t work that some adoptees will not abide by the rules because they feel they are entitled. I’ve found other examples of where the adoptee has gone to far, and would like to add yours.

I agree in maybe it should be you who writes the book we always hear the happily ever after stories time to hear some of the real stories

  • thank you Lisa Marie! there’s ALWAYS more than one side to each and every story yes it would be quite alright for you to copy and print anything on this blog that you feel would help you, as long as you cite where it came from, regarding this post (10 questions) the original article, link provided in this post, ought to be provide also as it DOES GIVE THE COMPLETE AND TRUE account of why my sister WAS ADOPTED out. How my family has been touched by adoption; both positive and negative aspects by Gert McQueen on January 13, 2013

    good luck to you and please stay in touch

    1. Lisa Marie permalink

      Thank you. I will cite where it came from and will copy entire post including the link that gives the complete true account of your sisters adoption. I often feel you are ganged up on by those in the adoption reform movement when you are trying to get your side of the story out. I don’t understand how anyone can not have empathy for your family and what you have been through. A husband who loses his wife unexpectedly. Children lose a mother. A father with a new born child and children to take care of, working to support the family when day care doesn’t exist.A time when adoption was often recommended in such situations. No family would have an easy time under such circumstances not even today with all the social programs that are available. None of you had it easy not just Joan because she was adopted. The difference between Joan and her siblings is she wants to be a victim while her siblings learned to deal with what life dealt them Life is messy most of us don’t have the fairy tale. It’s how we handle the difficulties that helps to make us who we are. We can be miserable or do the best we can under the circumstances.

      My best to you and your family.
      Thank you,
      Lisa

    2. again, thank you Lisa!
      I hope that your efforts will make others wake up to the bullying that happens by those that are ‘angry’ and full of ‘hate’ to family members. I learned a long time ago, that the way to stop the bullying is to put LOTS of light on their actions. In case you missed it, I recently wrote about how I ‘took’ a gang of angry adoptees to task and won! It was on Huffington Post.

      My blog post about it is…
      Putting light on the bullying tactics & antics of Joan Wheeler #forbiddenfamily and company
      by gertmcqueen on May 13, 2013

      As I said in that encounter, in public, these people were attacking me because I am Joan Wheeler’s sister, they ONLY know what Joan has told them about me. These adoptees don’t know that I am FOR their right to have their birth certificates and I THREW it back in their faces. There is NOTHING that they can say, in return, to me, ONCE the WHOLE truth is told. I have also noticed that MANY adoptees have DISTANCED themselves from Joan Wheeler…because they are beginning to see that her ‘story’ doesn’t help them out.

      There will ALWAYS be those types of people who WANT to be the victim. There will ALWAYS be those types of people who WANT to silence anyone who disagrees with them. Sure, I DISAGREE with Joan Wheeler…but I’ve been HER VICTIM and I am telling MY truth!

      Joan told HER truth and she’s paid the price for it! In her sickness, anger and hate, she believed that she could DO THE DIRTY DEEDS, that she did indeed do to everyone in the birth family AND then write a libelous book about them and lie and fabricate AND GET AWAY WITH IT. NO! The fact that she wrote a libelous book is WHY WE SPOKE UP. We will continue to EXPOSE Joan Wheeler UNTIL she removes her hate blogs against us and she gets her boy-friends to remove their blogs against us.

      And so Lisa, if we here can help you, we are glad to do so. Good Luck and best wishes.

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7 Comments
  1. Lisa Marie permalink

    I agree with everything you have written. There are three types of adoptees. I have 9 adoptees in my family. The majority feel as you have written have a positive attitude. Adoption isn’t a factor in their life. One always had a positive attitude. Once her adopted parents died she contacted her birthparents. As you wrote it would have been better if she left the box closed.
    I also have a sister who was a birthparent, as a teen. I stand up for her and a friend who was raped at 14 when abortion wasn’t legal. They have moved on with their life. Of course they hope the best for the child. They don’t want what happened to them in the past to hurt the family they have now. Of course mutual consent as you also stated. If legislature could only listen to the other side of the story. Your sister and the gang in adoption reform (mostly angry adoptees) don’t speak the whole truth they tell one side of the story as if the other side does not exist. Some wanting to end adoption totally. Since they have the loudest voices those in legislature across the country are listening. I’m doing what I can to tell both sides support mutual consent but as our Governor Christie has said it’s not enough for them, they want it all.

    Do you think it is ok if I copy this and send it to legislature in my state. My state is considering opening birth certificates to adoptees with a no contact. I’ve tried to explain that a no contact doesn’t work that some adoptees will not abide by the rules because they feel they are entitled. I’ve found other examples of where the adoptee has gone to far, and would like to add yours.

    I agree in maybe it should be you who writes the book we always hear the happily ever after stories time to hear some of the real stories

  2. thank you Lisa Marie!
    there’s ALWAYS more than one side to each and every story
    yes it would be quite alright for you to copy and print anything on this blog that you feel would help you, as long as you cite where it came from, regarding this post (10 questions) the original article, link provided in this post, ought to be provide also as it DOES GIVE THE COMPLETE AND TRUE account of why my sister WAS ADOPTED out. How my family has been touched by adoption; both positive and negative aspects by Gert McQueen on January 13, 2013

    good luck to you and please stay in touch

  3. Lisa Marie permalink

    Thank you. I will cite where it came from and will copy entire post including the link that gives the complete true account of your sisters adoption. I often feel you are ganged up on by those in the adoption reform movement when you are trying to get your side of the story out. I don’t understand how anyone can not have empathy for your family and what you have been through. A husband who loses his wife unexpectedly. Children lose a mother. A father with a new born child and children to take care of, working to support the family when day care doesn’t exist.A time when adoption was often recommended in such situations. No family would have an easy time under such circumstances not even today with all the social programs that are available. None of you had it easy not just Joan because she was adopted. The difference between Joan and her siblings is she wants to be a victim while her siblings learned to deal with what life dealt them Life is messy most of us don’t have the fairy tale. It’s how we handle the difficulties that helps to make us who we are. We can be miserable or do the best we can under the circumstances.

    My best to you and your family.
    Thank you,
    Lisa

  4. again, thank you Lisa!
    I hope that your efforts will make others wake up to the bullying that happens by those that are ‘angry’ and full of ‘hate’ to family members. I learned a long time ago, that the way to stop the bullying is to put LOTS of light on their actions. In case you missed it, I recently wrote about how I ‘took’ a gang of angry adoptees to task and won! It was on Huffington Post.

    My blog post about it is…
    Putting light on the bullying tactics & antics of Joan Wheeler #forbiddenfamily and company
    by gertmcqueen on May 13, 2013

    As I said in that encounter, in public, these people were attacking me because I am Joan Wheeler’s sister, they ONLY know what Joan has told them about me. These adoptees don’t know that I am FOR their right to have their birth certificates and I THREW it back in their faces. There is NOTHING that they can say, in return, to me, ONCE the WHOLE truth is told. I have also noticed that MANY adoptees have DISTANCED themselves from Joan Wheeler…because they are beginning to see that her ‘story’ doesn’t help them out.

    There will ALWAYS be those types of people who WANT to be the victim. There will ALWAYS be those types of people who WANT to silence anyone who disagrees with them. Sure, I DISAGREE with Joan Wheeler…but I’ve been HER VICTIM and I am telling MY truth!

    Joan told HER truth and she’s paid the price for it! In her sickness, anger and hate, she believed that she could DO THE DIRTY DEEDS, that she did indeed do to everyone in the birth family AND then write a libelous book about them and lie and fabricate AND GET AWAY WITH IT. NO! The fact that she wrote a libelous book is WHY WE SPOKE UP. We will continue to EXPOSE Joan Wheeler UNTIL she removes her hate blogs against us and she gets her boy-friends to remove their blogs against us.

    And so Lisa, if we here can help you, we are glad to do so. Good Luck and best wishes.

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  1. How my family has been touched by adoption; both positive and negative aspects by Gert McQueen | Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor
  2. Birth siblings of Joan Wheeler HAVE left their mark on the adoption reform movement! | Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor

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