adoption reunions, birth/adoptive families, change your life, co-dependency, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, doing the right thing, family honor, Forbidden Family a book of lies, how not to be a social-worker, rejection, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds, worthlessness
Are people who are adopted the only ones that have pain via rejection? I thought pain was experienced by all humans!
Okay, this is a bitch session. Certainly anyone who has a blog has the absolute right to publish, OR NOT, any comment they receive. I am not complaining that a comment of mine was not published. I’m a big girl and I can take rejection! My complaint, if you can call it that is that whenever a BIRTH FAMILY member is, or has been, harmed by an adoptee, and speaks about it, the community of adoptees REJECTS the notion, totally. Gee talk about rejection! It is an unwritten code; the adoptee can do no wrong, the adoptee is the only one that is harmed or has been harmed and will always be harmed!
Adoptees want to lament that the birth family rejected them, no matter the circumstances that made them adoptees. If they are lucky to be re-united, they lament even more because that means they were rejected again and again by the birth family. It’s really tough being part of a birth family! Your pain doesn’t exist. There’s never going to a time when you have not caused the adoptee pain! No one but an adoptee knows pain of rejection.
But the adoptees, themselves, never are willing to accept their own responsibility, as an adult, of how they reject members of a birth family, or heaven forbid, caused the birth family real harm! Individually and collectively, they never want to recognize the real possibility that an adoptee may be mental ill, have severe behavior issues and much more. It is assumed, taken for granted, that all adoptees are suffering because they are an adoptee.
If they do, recognize that an adoptee may have serious behavior issues, it is still blamed on the fact that they are adopted and that it is traced back to the birth family! A birth family then is the origin of all rejections that the adoptees do themselves to others.
No true healing can occur if one half of the equation is always held to be at fault and is dismissed as irrelevant to the topic of rejection. When adoptees allow other adoptees to voice their pains, the other side of the coin is NEVER addressed. This is an unbalanced approach. It is reduced to and becomes a mutual admiration pity party! So be it!
On the following blog entry I left a comment. It will never be published, there. Make of it as you will.
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
I certainly understand your position, but…it works both ways…the birth family being not only rejected but also victimized by the adoptee, particularly in a libelous book.
update late afternoon Jan 10, 2014 several hours after I published this blog post I received in my email an answer to my comment. Here it is and my answer to it…
You raise a valid and interesting point, Gertmcqueen. Of course, I can’t speak for all adoptees but personally, I have no desire to hurt my biological father, if he’s alive, or any other blood relative. I’m a peaceful person. All I want is to fill in the blanks in my family history.
I know quite a few adoptees who would probably say the same thing
And my reply to her…
Thank you Lynne for accepting my comment. Yes, I would agree with you, as you say here, that the majority of adoptees want to fill in the blanks and are sensitive to blood relatives.I don’t believe it is right for anyone to vilify either the blood or adoptive families. The birth family only wanted to fill in those same blanks. But, some people are plain insensitive to others due to being blinded by their own pains and hurts and sometimes are convinced of their own self- importance/rightenous. If they would just accept what ‘is’ instead of creating more pain and hurt, all would benefit.
and Lynne’s reply
Thanks for your perspective, Gertmcqueen. I think we all need to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes for a moment and try to imagine how they would feel. Personally, I am being very careful with my search for blood relatives. It’s risky business.
AND NOW AN UPDATE MAY 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!