abuser, adoption conferences, adoption entrapped me, adoption reform, adoption reunions, being downright nasty, birth/adoptive families, blaming people for your own mess, browbeating people over adoption, bullying, change one's mind, co-dependency, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, embellishing the truth, family honor, Forbidden Family a book of lies, I was entrapped, I'm being hunted, i'm not normal, libelous book, lying, mental illness, whining, wrong with your sisters
“I’m not normal” says adoptee Joan Wheeler! Is this refrain supposed to change the world of adoption?
Change, real change, does not happen when a person ‘uses’ their own personal abnormal conditions as a ‘reason’ for why an institution is flawed. People do not response to this type of bullshit. Joan needs to change her tactics. If Joan is NOT NORMAL than she obviously is NOT capable to speak as an activist. An activist is a NORMAL person, not an abnormal person who has a hard-on against adoption.
The following is a comment of Joan’s. The link and her entire comment will follow after I pull out a few statements, of hers, for my own comments. I shall be quoting from her, now pulled from publication by the publisher for libel. I do WANT to give her full credit for her work! The book is titled Forbidden Family by Joan M Wheeler. Since the book has been pulled she seems to think it perfectly alright to start to alter her story…again. She forgets that her printed ‘true’ story is in the birth siblings hands, and as we have been doing, we PROVE Joan’s own lies by using her OWN WORDS.
Joan says…Where do I begin? So much to say
Gert says…yes, she most certainly always has had much to say. She never knows that she ought to shut up!
Joan says…I, too, “would give anything to not think about adoption”. I long to be normal. But I am not.
Gert says…well it’s relatively easy to NOT THINK about something, anything! All a person has to do…is to STOP. Think about something else. Joan CHOOSES to think about adoption; that’s all she CARES to think about…sure sign of not being normal! She has ALWAYS presented herself as abnormal. There are many quotes in her book that state this, but here is just one; pg 102 ‘how was I supposed to get through college when I wasn’t normal?’ Joan RESTS HER CASE, she is NOT NORMAL.
Joan says…I had the shit kicked out of me that evening in March of 1974 when I answered the phone
Gert says…oh this is such a big fucking lie told to get sympathy! Nope didn’t happen. According to her book…pg 2 ‘…who was it (on the phone) asked my (adopted) father…I knew I couldn’t tell him the truth…pg 3, ‘…two months earlier, on my 18th birthday, January 1974, I decided to locate the only blood relative I knew I had, my father…what an uncanny coincidence…my own sister was simultaneously in search of me.’
Now fast-forward to pg 42 ‘…five days into my telephone reunion I still didn’t tell my parents that I knew the truth…I dialed my brother’s phone number…’ pgs 43/44/45…‘the events that took place when my mother came into the living room are very clear to me…she asked whom I was talking to…I braced myself for terror…this was the moment my mother had to face….my brother…what! She screamed…rage…yelling and pacing the floor…exploded into a violent torrent of accusations…pots and pans hit the floor…dishes shattered…(on the phone brother asked if she’s ok)…she’s done this before…yelling in the kitchen…go to my room and hide…she continued now including threats to kill me…’
SO…she DID NOT have the shit kicked out of her! But obviously the adopted mother was a violent person AND the real reason that Joan is against adoption…Joan was ABUSED by that woman. Joan was raised this way, behaves this way and that is why Joan is NOT NORMAL.
Joan says…adoptive parents had lied to me for the 18 years of my whole life up to that point
Gert says…regardless of whether it is right or wrong for or against closed adoption records…the FACT remains…THAT, BOTH the adoptive and birth family members KEEP SECRET THE IDENTITIES for the sake of the upbringing of the child. This is the LAW. This post is NOT necessarily the place to have a full discussion on that fact, but it DOES REMAIN A FACT; it is NOT LYING to keep the identity of a birth family from the child. The adopted parents were OBEYING THE LAW.
In other words, it is Joan’s indignation here, NOT any real form of lying! She USED this indignation to GET EVEN with the abusive adopted parent(s) and family once she learned her true parentage. Again, Joan’s actions are those of an ABNORMAL person.
Joan says…non-adopted people do not want to hear my anger over the situation – the entire situation.
Gert says…Damn right! At a certain point, whatever the topic, when all a person does is bitch and scream with their anger over something…the other person/people turn a deaf ear! That’s HUMAN NATURE. Obviously Joan doesn’t understand that basic fact of human interaction; no wants to hear a broken record.
Joan says… Non-adopted do not want to hear my questions. They do not want to hear about the defective systemic problems
Gert says…Again…Damn right! If the system is broken go talk to those that CAN FIX it, NOT regular people who have issues and concerns of their own…including adoption which MAY BE RIGHT FOR THEM, they don’t need to be browbeaten because Joan is pissed off!
Joan says… led to entire family systems and political systems joining forces to entrap me
Gert says…oh the poor thing! The systems JOINED forces to ENTRAP her! Sounds like paranoia to me. Yep she is not normal!
Joan says… many issues you raise here that I would like to address. Some I will come back to talk about
Gert says…yep she loves to address issues of adoption and of course she’s come back
Joan says… Some issues I cannot comment on publically, and you know why.
Gert says…Gee is she learning something? That if she speaks PUBLICALLY against the birth family she will be censored and exposed! And I guess that the other adoptees are fully aware of that fact. She broadcasts everything she does…she WANTS us to see what she says.
Joan says… The hunted is still being hunted.
Gert says…oh the poor thing! Is she the hunted being hunted?? Perhaps if she NEVER wrote that book she may NOT BE HUNTED. I was doing just fine WITHOUT her in my life! It was she who wrote a book about me and family and for THAT she shall be exposed for all time.
Joan says… I left the group you mentioned to protect the group as a whole
Gert says…I have no knowledge of this, but it is safe to say that because Ruth and I have exposed, over 4 years, the many hateful things that adopted people said on internet forums and news sites against us and others that perhaps members were concerned. I do know that Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change changed their forum from public to private to prevent us from seeing their discussions. Such is life. Huffington Post also changed their policies so as to ENSURE a civil discourse because so many adoptees were hostile, in the extreme, to anyone who was pro-adoption. So it’s been clear to me, over the past four years, that the tactics of browbeating and harassing people over adoption DOES NOT work.
Joan says… will go back someday when other matters in my life are cleared up.
Gert says…she’s been saying this, about her life, for decades! Her life is a f…ing mess and will never be cleared up, who is she kidding?
Joan says… the situation caused me to back out of much of my life for over a year now.
Gert says…oh really! Currently it is January 2014…so…that means that 2013 had caused her some problems? Seems to me they are all self-induced! If I recall, and Joan herself spoke of this on social media…in late 2012 she was very concerned about being able to KEEP her house. She took in a tenant in Sept 2012, which lasted about 2 weeks. She had computer problems and somehow got a loan to get a new one and was able to go to an adoption convention in April 2013 where she advocated the blowing up of federal offices of Vital Statistics. Then in June 2013 she met a man in a bar, got engaged within 2 weeks, went off the adoption radar, to go off across the country to New Mexico, only to come back and relate to everyone, on social media, about the drunken abusive man she was going to marry!
So what specifically are the ‘other matters’ is she referring to? Does she NOT realize that people do read and remember what she says? Is she brain dead? Well we do know the answer to that.
Joan says… this comment will cause flare-ups elsewhere.
Gert says…Right again! But of course, this proves that she is reading our blogs and then gets pissed about it. So why doesn’t she just ‘get it’… IT meaning stop talking about family stuff.
Joan says… I didn’t realize that this made me a whistleblower. I didn’t realize that this job would be so hard.
Gert says…A WHISTLEBLOWER?? A person has to have a fu…ing job to be a whistleblower! What is she talking about? Must be related to other adoptees and how they feel since Joan has caused ripples in their pond! Those of us, on the outside, SEE IT, but those like Joan, who is blinded by her rage and anger, just can’t see beyond their stupidity.
And what JOB is she talking about? Joan has NOT HELD A JOB IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. She’s NEVER worked as a social worker either. She’s a paper social worker. If she believes that she has a job and it is SO HARD, then why doesn’t she just QUIT? It is so simple, but of course, she doesn’t know simple, she has to make everything so difficult and HARD. There is no one holding a gun to her head MAKING her beat people up over adoption. She LOVES it, she craves it, she’s a self-made martyr for the cause!
Joan says… I didn’t realize that so many people would take issue with the angry adoptee will not be quiet.
Gert says…Well now…there you have it! She didn’t realize! After 40 years she’s beginning to see the light! Nope, no chance of that I’m afraid. Joan is the every ready battery of adoption bullshit…she keeps going and going and going!
Joan says… Soon, very soon, another article I wrote will be published. It is very direct.
Gert says…Gods she been saying ‘soon, soon’ for so long already…she’s itching to have it published…she can’t fucking wait to see what she wrote in print! Neither can Ruth and me, for as soon as we know about it, we will be right on it. And we shall know HOW? Via Joan of course, she’s the most important anti-adoption activist there is and by god she will LET EVERYONE KNOW WHEN SHE HAS ANY THING PUBLISHED…including her birthsiblings.
Joan says… I am surprised that the editor will publish it. She is open to the implicit hard questions my article brings to light
Gert says…ah-oh…that statement has a ring of ‘maybe not’ to it! A writer, an activist, someone who is SO SURE of their position would NEVER utter, let alone put in print, a statement of DOUBT as to whether a publisher would or would not publish them! What a fucking asshole! By her own fucking words, she dooms herself! She doesn’t understand the basic fundamental laws of attraction! By her own words she is bringing death to her words, written and otherwise, and to her cause. She really needs to learn how the world works.
Joan says… And the activists, well, I don’t know how I did it this long
Gert says…Did WHAT? What has she done? only decades of browbeating and harassing pro-adoption folks. I haven’t seen ONE real activist activity yet from her!
Joan says… This isn’t about me. I am one voice. One voice. Broken record. For forty years.
Gert says…It most certainly is about her! Broken record is right! Give it up already! 40 years and counting! Joan likes to state that she’s been an activist since 1974; not true. Pg 106… ‘college…my project for the Family Dynamics course was a research paper on NY State Adoption law and a class discussion…’
I did research papers too in college and had my eyes opened on a few social issues, but that did not and does not MAKE AN ACTIVIST. Joan likes to fashion herself as one of the ‘old guard’ of adoption reform…funny thing is…those ladies don’t want anything to DO WITH JOAN! No, Joan is just an angry adoptee who likes to hear herself talk.
NOW before we see Joan’s comment in its total brilliance, there’s a couple of other related comments to share.
Joan says… the following in response to a birthday greeting
Hello René Hoksbergen, dear friend! Oh yes! New Second Edition is much better! Great new cover! Refined interior! Sharper ending. Shorter. And, due out soon! I WILL be in San Fran for AAC! Life has ups and downs. Working out, health steady. Much to tell you in person! Willl you be traveling with Erica? Will be happy to see the two of you again!
Gert comments…Joan can write and publish whatever she wants. We birth siblings will purchase, review and react as we did in the past…so as LONG AS IT AS NOTHING ABOUT THE BIRTH FAMILY in it she can have her book, but, if it has ONE LIE about the birthfamily… And just where does Joan get the money to travel? On a government disability check? Whose her Daddy?
And then there’s this…
Joan says…about a newstory…New Law Opens Birth Certificates, Sparks Questions http://www.npr.org
Yep. Came out on Christmas. No one has the time. Besides, if I chime in so will my stupid sisters…
Gert comments…Yep…I’m guilt, I’m one of Joan’s stupid sisters….ever ready to chime in!
What Joan doesn’t know is that not everyone sees things her way. I have had 2 major communications with NAMED adoptee activists, who are APPALLED at some of what Joan says and does. And then there are birth family relatives that she has insulted and mocked because they are ‘unable’ to see her view points. Just like us birthsiblings, who told her 40 fucking years ago to shut up, other birth relatives are also telling her.
When, oh when, will Joan shut the fuck up?
Joan Wheeler (@forbiddenfamily) says:January 1, 2014 at 5:11 am
Daniel, Where do I begin?
So much to say. I, too, “would give anything to not think about adoption”. I long to be normal. But I am not. I had the shit kicked out of me that evening in March of 1974 when I answered the phone only to be told that the woman on the other end of the call was a sister I had never known. My so-called loving adoptive parents had lied to me for the 18 years of my whole life up to that point! That moment was the most devastating moment of my life. People assume I must be happy and joyful to have been reunited,
and I was, but then, non-adopted people do not want to hear my anger over the situation – the entire situation.
Non-adopted do not want to hear my questions. They do not want to hear about the defective systemic problems that led to entire family systems and political systems joining forces to entrap me. There are many issues you raise here that I would like to address. Some I will come back to talk about. Some issues I cannot comment on publically, and you know why. The hunted is still being hunted. I left the group you mentioned to protect the group as a whole. I will go back someday when other matters in my life are cleared up. I wasn’t asked to leave, but the situation caused me to back out of much of my life for over a year now. Indeed, this comment will cause flare-ups elsewhere.
In being as outspoken as I have been since being found in 1974, I didn’t realize that this made me a whistleblower. I didn’t realize that this job would be so hard. And I didn’t realize that so many people would take issue with the angry adoptee will not be quiet. I can’t be quiet when, in a supposedly free country, the government can, and does, confiscate adoptees’ actual birth certificates for no crime committed, but because of adoption. If that weren’t bad enough, adoptees are then subjected to be re-
born, on paper. I repeat this over and over.
Surprisingly, in the past few years, some people are actually taking notice of the severity of the problems.
These people ask me, “They aren’t still doing this, are they?” I answer, “Oh, yes they are.” (Sealing and falsifying birth certificates).Then I ask, “So, now that you know, what are YOU going to do to stop it?” Some people are asking me the RIGHT kind of questions on what can be done about the problems.
Soon, very soon, another article I wrote will be published. It is very direct. I am surprised that the editor will publish it. She is open to the implicit hard questions my article brings to light. By stating facts. Implying the questions. I’ll be back here with the link.
Yes, I see adoptees arguing, discussing, in and out of fog. I see adoptees doing their own form of change, even if it is searching and finding and being in reunion. Even the quiet ones tell their stories to others. And the activists, well, I don’t know how I did it this long. I just know that the moment I heard the truth from a stranger who really is my sister, I knew that this thing called adoption is way bigger than I am.
This isn’t about me. I am one voice. One voice. Broken record. For forty years.
BTW: Thought you should know that by logging in to comment using Twitter, I cannnot click on the boxes to receive follow-up comments or posts. Glitch? (Been off my main email accounts, too. Will catch up with you on this later.)
Joan Wheeler (@forbiddenfamily) says:January 1, 2014 at 5:11 am
PS Happy New Year! And with that, I am off to a gathering!