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Every adoption is NOT one of stealing or coercion! That doesn’t matter to Joan Wheeler; she wants to abolish them all!

by on February 17, 2014

The purpose of THIS BLOG and THIS POST is about JOAN WHEELER. It has NOTHING to do with the politics of ADOPTION and it has NOTHING to do with other people’s ADOPTION ISSUES.

BEFORE CONTINUING WITH THIS POST HERE IS AN UPDATE APRIL 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoption1

NOW TO CONTINUE WITH THIS POST

Within the various methods of closed and open adoptions there are a vast range of opinions. Yet there are opinions that are still unwelcome; such as pointing out the negative behaviors of adoptees to other adoptees. No, we must never criticize an adoptee; they do no wrong!

Why is it that some adoptees and adopters are so reluctant to hear the voice of positive adoptions? Why are they not willing to hear about negative tactics done by unhappy/angry adoptees to others that adopt?

Why is it assumed that any child that WAS adopted was SOMEONE else’s child? Why is it that there is little ATTENTION given to, or listened to, by a parent who ADOPTED their own FLESH AND BLOOD. Why is it that NO ONE cares to hear that an adoptee VIOLATED another’s parent/child relationship?

Why! Because they are all hypocrites! And they do NOT want to hear TRUTHS!

APRIL 15, 2016…update…upon looking at the links…it appears as if the blog has been deleted by the author

I found the following blog post from my tweeter feed on Feb 15, 2014, that link is http://fb.me/2hhBnGnEO

The web site’s link is…

http://birthmamawasteland.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/adoption-coerced-consent/

There I found Joan Wheeler commenting using just one of her many aliases.

legitimatebastard says: February 15, 2014 at 12:42 pm

I feel exactly as you do, Megan. And I work to end adoption. Raise awareness. Promote family preservation and guardianship. End adoption, most definitely.

I then left this comment...

gertmcqueen says: Your comment is awaiting moderation. February 15, 2014 at 3:38 pm

In legitmatebastard’s attempts to end adoption, she VIOLATED my sacred parental rights regarding what I believed to be right for my minor children…namely ADOPTION. Not all adoptions are bad, she had NO right to interfere in my decisions to adopt my own son; just because she wants to abolish adoption. In her own case, as an adoptee, there was NO family to care for her; adoption was the only solution available. Sorry she’s had a lousy life, but she had no right and still has no rights to browbeat anyone who chooses adoption.

This comment was deleted, but the moderator, by the name of “blackout”, left this comment...

I don’t know anything about it Gert, but if you have a problem with a commenter here, then I suggest you take your issues up with them elsewhere, this is not the place for that. You are an adoptive parent, so the son you refer to as “your own son” was not infact “your own son” but the child of someone else, whom you adopted. There may be some truth to what you say, that not all adoptions are bad, however many of them are–and that needs to change, that is what I aim for. Sometimes adoption may be a necessary last resort, but that is what it should be–an absolute last resort. No one should ever be deceived out of their child, nor should a child lose his/her name, family and identity because of it. “I’m sorry you had a lousy experience” extremely condescending and insulting.

To which I left the following...

gertmcqueen says: Your comment is awaiting moderation. February 15, 2014 at 6:36 pm

I’m pointing out other sides to the stories of adoption and from personal experiences. Everyone involved in adoption issues need to know what happens.

I am indeed an adoptive mother who adopted her own birth son with 2nd husband. I was his birth mother, who legally, gave him up on paper, who then became his foster mother on another paper and then his adoptive mother on final paper. He never left my home. My son was 16 and had to give HIS permission to be adopted. As I said not all adoptions are bad, but some people who have no business in another’s life violated my parental authority by interfering in the adoption process and when told to butt out, called false child abuse upon me and attempted to alienate my children. My child was not deceived out of anything, but that was not enough for someone who hates adoption so much as to violate another’s parent/child relationship. She did it because of her life experiences which was a lousy experience, not my words but hers. I thank you for hearing me. My choice to adopt was mine and only mine!

And againgertmcqueen says: Your comment is awaiting moderation. February 16, 2014 at 6:15 am

it is of course your right not to publish any comment, but I do feel strongly that you correct the misjudgment, that you placed upon the ‘status’ of my child. When I said I adopted my own son I meant just that…he is my flesh and blood! He was never anyone else son but mine, was not deceived nor taken from another. No one had any right to interfere with parent/child relationship. Thank you

Late last night, I placed a few tweets about this moderator falsely assuming that I adopted ‘someone else’s child’ and her refusal to CORRECT the status of my child on her comment.

This morning, Feb 17, I received a tweet from someone who saw that I had commented but it was deleted, asking me to contact them. One of my tweets was RETWEETED by another. I then went to the above blog site and saw that the moderator REMOVED her own comment! Fine! If she WASN’T going to CORRECT her false assumption and ACKNOWLEDGE the TRUTHS that I presented at least she REMOVED her own comment!

I learned a long time ago, to copy ANY comment I make because many REFUSE to acknowledge a truth and don’t want to have TRUTH put in front of them.

That’s why I have this blog, to publish the truth!

This “black out” person is my own birth mother. She has destroyed my life with the blogs like these that she writes. They have actually endangered my mental well being. In 2013, she decided she would write a about her “adoption experience”. Majority of the things she writes are lies, specifically aimed at me and are deceitful and manipulative. I’m so glad someone is finally speaking up.

Edit

  • Gert here… thank you ‘Anon’ for your comment…it is unfortunate that you have had these types of problems. I am sorry that you have been the target of such malicious activities from your mother. As I do not know your situation and circumstances I can not address any particulars. I do hope that you are receiving helps that can address your health and well-being. Good luck to you!

    Families can and are not only messy and complicated but, in some cases, dangerous. There is no guarantee that anyone’s family members will ‘love’ each other or treat each other with respect and kindness. Myself and two sisters felt strongly enough that we and our parents were wrongfully exposed, via lies and misrepresentations and exploited by the writing of a blood relative (placed into adoption) who wrote a libelous book and had/has constant internet discussions on forums and news articles, that we decided we MUST expose them and the writer, our own birth sister, for family HONOR!

    We know that there are many others, like ourselves, that have similar issues, as you have just shown us, that may gain the courage to speak up for themselves. So we thank you for coming to our blog and expressing yourself.

    I do find what you said interesting; that ‘black out’ writes blogs, in the plural. To refresh my own memory, before I wrote this comment of mine, I reread my own blog post and then went to look for the original blog post by ‘Black Out’. I was very glad I did, for that blog post seems to have ‘disappear’ on the internet! But rest assured…nothing is forever gone on the internet! If someone click on the link, on my post here, they would be directed to this…

    A Blog about Open Adoption open adoption is not a fairy tale or the blending of two families. It is a life sentence. Not Found  Apologies, but the page you requested could not be found. Perhaps searching will help.

    &&&

    But if you google the site you get the following search result. On the google entry there is a very small down-arrow where one can access the cache of the entire post…it does not show up here but it appears just after the word fragment conse…

    so if anyone wants to see the original blog and post…minus…my comments and blackout’s replies that she removed…do try finding the cache version here…

    Adoption: Coerced Consent? | A Blog about Open Adoption birthmamawasteland.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/adoption-coerced-conse…‎ Feb 13, 2014 – What constitutes as psychologically coerced adoption consent? I

    &&&

    again, thank you for visiting my blog and see my sister’s @ ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com for my details of the dirty deeds our adopted out sister did to us.

    Gert here; I feel the need to clarify:

    I am not any kind of professional analyst. I have neither desire nor skill in facilitating a dialogue between people, particularly people that I don’t know. There are times when I’m uneasy with members of my own family.

    This blog of mine was created for the SOLE purpose of exposing the lies and dirty deeds of a family member, who was placed into adoption by the death of our mother, she is Joan Wheeler. This blog was created to set the record straight and reclaim our family’s honor from the lies and dirty deeds that Joan Wheeler has done. This blog grew out of the NEED to add my voice alongside my sister Ruth and sometimes that of my sister Kathy.

    If anyone has information about Joan Wheeler, we do want to hear about it, but, we are not interested in other people’s family dramatics. You will have to hash your issues out elsewhere.
    And yes, there are times when I have left comments on blogs, as I detail in this post, and sometimes there are ‘disagreements’ between comment and blog owner, again as detailed in this post. And each blog ‘owner’ must deal with these disagreements as they see fit.

    I answered Anon, as best I could and wish her the best. Since then, I have been contacted by both parties and while I ‘hear’ both sides I am utterly unqualified to offer any suggestions.

    As I have stated in this post…families are MESSY and adoption doesn’t make that messiness any easier for sure. I hope that those that have left comments, on this post, that I shall not publish, will understand that while I wish that each of you can find a means to come to terms, with or without, each other, I cannot publish your comments.

    gertmcqueen permalink

    Gert here… April 4, 2014
    This post was written BECAUSE the owner of a blog that I commented on, about JOAN WHEELER, had made the wrong assertion about MY SON and his ADOPTION. I adopted my own FLESH AND BLOOD son. The owner goes by the name BLACKOUT. She would not ALLOW my correction to be posted. Therefore I made this post to GET THE TRUTH out. When BLACKOUT saw this post…she then deleted her own comments to me.

    That was the REASON for writing this post!

    Then I approved a comment, on my post, ANON, wishing this individual well. That was a mistake on my part. In recent days, THREE people have submitted comments, directed to BLACKOUT and ANON.

    The purpose of THIS BLOG and THIS POST is about JOAN WHEELER. It has NOTHING to do with the politics of ADOPTION and it has NOTHING to do with other people’s ADOPTION ISSUES.

    Where ever Joan Wheeler speaks a falsehood I SHALL comment. Joan Wheeler VIOLATED my sacred parental rights when I adopted the child I gave birth too

    1. I think it’s very assumptive for you to suggest that any one who advocates for alternatives to adoption has had a “lousy upbringing.” I personally love my adoptive parents very much and am so lucky that they are my parents. Yet, I suffered an inherent loss when I lost my first family. In one comment, you said “as an adoptee, there was NO family to care for her; adoption was the only solution available.” I ask you to please think about the 80,000 children adopted from China into the U.S. who were abandoned by their heart stricken families because they couldn’t afford medical treatment, abandoned because of the One Child Policy, or removed from their families by the Family Planning Commission. I beg you to think of the 100,000 adoptees from South Korea, many of whom were given up because of the shaming of single-motherhood. Is adoption a solution is some cases? Yes. Should adoption be glorified as an altruistic act of saving a child or looked to as a first option? No. More efforts need to be exhausted in hopes of keeping families together whenever possible. It sounds like that’s what you were doing when you adopted your son, and I assure you that’s what most adoptee activists want.

    1. Gert here… August 24, 2014
      I approved the last comment to prove a point…
    2. My heart does NOT bleed for you and/or all those other children of the world…I am NOT anyone’s SAVIOR. What part of my position … that this blog is NOT about adoption issues …. do you not understand? My humanitarian side of my life is NOT up for bids! I decide what causes I will address and I shall not be intimidated by YOUR causes.
    3. This blog’s purpose is not for or against ADOPTION. It’s purpose is to expose the lies and dirty deeds of Joan M Wheeler!
    4. It is Joan Wheeler’s own words and deeds…that state that SHE had a lousy life! I’m only stating the facts as Joan herself presents them.
    5. Keeping a family TOGETHER was NOT the reason WHY I adopted my son! The reason he was adopted was because his biological father did not want him or his sister. My 2nd husband DID. The family WAS TOGETHER.
    6. It was Joan Wheeler who violated MY FAMILY because of her hatred of all types adoption. As an activist who has harmed others and violates another’s FAMILY she does great harm to others.
      I shall continue on exposing Joan Wheeler for what she is.
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7 Comments
  1. Anon permalink

    This “black out” person is my own birth mother. She has destroyed my life with the blogs like these that she writes. They have actually endangered my mental well being. In 2013, she decided she would write a about her “adoption experience”. Majority of the things she writes are lies, specifically aimed at me and are deceitful and manipulative. I’m so glad someone is finally speaking up.

  2. Gert here…
    thank you ‘Anon’ for your comment…it is unfortunate that you have had these types of problems. I am sorry that you have been the target of such malicious activities from your mother. As I do not know your situation and circumstances I can not address any particulars. I do hope that you are receiving helps that can address your health and well-being. Good luck to you!

    Families can and are not only messy and complicated but, in some cases, dangerous. There is no guarantee that anyone’s family members will ‘love’ each other or treat each other with respect and kindness. Myself and two sisters felt strongly enough that we and our parents were wrongfully exposed, via lies and misrepresentations and exploited by the writing of a blood relative (placed into adoption) who wrote a libelous book and had/has constant internet discussions on forums and news articles, that we decided we MUST expose them and the writer, our own birth sister, for family HONOR!

    We know that there are many others, like ourselves, that have similar issues, as you have just shown us, that may gain the courage to speak up for themselves. So we thank you for coming to our blog and expressing yourself.

    I do find what you said interesting; that ‘black out’ writes blogs, in the plural. To refresh my own memory, before I wrote this comment of mine, I reread my own blog post and then went to look for the original blog post by ‘Black Out’. I was very glad I did, for that blog post seems to have ‘disappear’ on the internet! But rest assured…nothing is forever gone on the internet!
    If someone click on the link, on my post here, they would be directed to this…

    A Blog about Open Adoption
    open adoption is not a fairy tale or the blending of two families. It is a life sentence.
    Not Found Apologies, but the page you requested could not be found. Perhaps searching will help.

    &&&

    But if you google the site you get the following search result. On the google entry there is a very small down-arrow where one can access the cache of the entire post…it does not show up here but it appears just after the word fragment conse…

    so if anyone wants to see the original blog and post…minus…my comments and blackout’s replies that she removed…do try finding the cache version here…

    Adoption: Coerced Consent? | A Blog about Open Adoption
    birthmamawasteland.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/adoption-coerced-conse…‎
    Feb 13, 2014 – What constitutes as psychologically coerced adoption consent? I

    &&&

    again, thank you for visiting my blog and see my sister’s @ ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com for my details of the dirty deeds our adopted out sister did to us.

    • Gert here; I feel the need to clarify:

      I am not any kind of professional analyst. I have neither desire nor skill in facilitating a dialogue between people, particularly people that I don’t know. There are times when I’m uneasy with members of my own family.

      This blog of mine was created for the SOLE purpose of exposing the lies and dirty deeds of a family member, who was placed into adoption by the death of our mother, she is Joan Wheeler. This blog was created to set the record straight and reclaim our family’s honor from the lies and dirty deeds that Joan Wheeler has done. This blog grew out of the NEED to add my voice alongside my sister Ruth and sometimes that of my sister Kathy.

      If anyone has information about Joan Wheeler, we do want to hear about it, but, we are not interested in other people’s family dramatics. You will have to hash your issues out elsewhere.
      And yes, there are times when I have left comments on blogs, as I detail in this post, and sometimes there are ‘disagreements’ between comment and blog owner, again as detailed in this post. And each blog ‘owner’ must deal with these disagreements as they see fit.

      I answered Anon, as best I could and wish her the best. Since then, I have been contacted by both parties and while I ‘hear’ both sides I am utterly unqualified to offer any suggestions.

      As I have stated in this post…families are MESSY and adoption doesn’t make that messiness any easier for sure. I hope that those that have left comments, on this post, that I shall not publish, will understand that while I wish that each of you can find a means to come to terms, with or without, each other, I cannot publish your comments.

  3. Gert here… April 4, 2014
    This post was written BECAUSE the owner of a blog that I commented on, about JOAN WHEELER, had made the wrong assertion about MY SON and his ADOPTION. I adopted my own FLESH AND BLOOD son. The owner goes by the name BLACKOUT. She would not ALLOW my correction to be posted. Therefore I made this post to GET THE TRUTH out. When BLACKOUT saw this post…she then deleted her own comments to me.

    That was the REASON for writing this post!

    Then I approved a comment, on my post, ANON, wishing this individual well. That was a mistake on my part. In recent days, THREE people have submitted comments, directed to BLACKOUT and ANON.

    The purpose of THIS BLOG and THIS POST is about JOAN WHEELER. It has NOTHING to do with the politics of ADOPTION and it has NOTHING to do with other people’s ADOPTION ISSUES.
    Where ever Joan Wheeler speaks a falsehood I SHALL comment. Joan Wheeler VIOLATED my sacred parental rights when I adopted the child I gave birth too.

  4. I think it’s very assumptive for you to suggest that any one who advocates for alternatives to adoption has had a “lousy upbringing.” I personally love my adoptive parents very much and am so lucky that they are my parents. Yet, I suffered an inherent loss when I lost my first family. In one comment, you said “as an adoptee, there was NO family to care for her; adoption was the only solution available.” I ask you to please think about the 80,000 children adopted from China into the U.S. who were abandoned by their heart stricken families because they couldn’t afford medical treatment, abandoned because of the One Child Policy, or removed from their families by the Family Planning Commission. I beg you to think of the 100,000 adoptees from South Korea, many of whom were given up because of the shaming of single-motherhood. Is adoption a solution is some cases? Yes. Should adoption be glorified as an altruistic act of saving a child or looked to as a first option? No. More efforts need to be exhausted in hopes of keeping families together whenever possible. It sounds like that’s what you were doing when you adopted your son, and I assure you that’s what most adoptee activists want.

  5. Gert here…
    I approved the last comment to prove a point…

    My heart does NOT bleed for you and/or all those other children of the world…I am NOT anyone’s SAVIOR. What part of my position … that this blog is NOT about adoption issues …. do you not understand? My humanitarian side of my life is NOT up for bids! I decide what causes I will address and I shall not be intimidated by YOUR causes.

    This blog’s purpose is not for or against ADOPTION. It’s purpose is to expose the lies and dirty deeds of Joan M Wheeler!

    It is Joan Wheeler’s own words and deeds…that state that SHE had a lousy life! I’m only stating the facts as Joan herself presents them.

    Keeping a family TOGETHER was NOT the reason WHY I adopted my son! The reason he was adopted was because his biological father did not want him or his sister. My 2nd husband DID. The family WAS TOGETHER.

    It was Joan Wheeler who violated MY FAMILY because of her hatred of all types adoption. As an activist who has harmed others and violates another’s FAMILY she does great harm to others.
    I shall continue on exposing Joan Wheeler for what she is.

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