adoption, adoption counseling, adoption reform, adoption reunions, being downright nasty, birth/adoptive families, blaming people for your own mess, browbeating people over adoption, bullying, child abuse, co-dependency, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, cyberbullying, dead book, false accusations, how not to be a social-worker, interfering with parental authority, intimidation, mental illness, narcissistic, online social work, violating parental rights, wrong with your sisters
When is adoption counseling a need or when is it an interference? Joan Wheeler didn’t even have a degree when she interfered with my adopting!
Then when she did get a degree, as a social worker, she NEVER held a job as one. Currently, 2014, she is attempting to ‘counsel’ via on-line social media contacts. From what I’ve seen so far she’s not making any friends and converts to her side/cause; just the opposite.
see end of post for update
Who makes the ‘call’ to be counseled? Who knows what’s best for their family? Well…if Joan Wheeler gets anywhere near you, it is she who makes all the calls and decisions and deems what is right and best for you and your family! So you best be watchful!
Joan was a angry adoptee, age 24, with no social worker’s degree, who hated all things adoption, when she ‘counseled’ me against adopting my own children. And to be perfectly clear ‘my children’ means those that I birthed, raised and adopted with 2nd husband; they were never anyone else child!
As the parent of the children, to be adopted, I had been in family counseling for some time before my second marriage happened and our decision to adopt the children, who at that time were 15 and 16 years old. In New York state, a person over the age of 14 must give their own PERMISSION to be adopted. My son wished adoption, my daughter did not. There was no pressure to either of them. They spoke with the judge themselves, behind closed doors. There was extensive background checks on both myself and husband as well as unannounced home visits. The children’s father had to give his written approval and sign papers for relinquishment of his children, to another father, which also removed ‘his’ (birth father’s) financial responsibility to them.
As the mother of the child to be adopted, I had to sign 3 different pieces of paper. The first was the birth mother relinquishing her child, just as the birth father had. I gave my child away, by signing paper number one. On the second piece of paper, that I signed, I became that same child’s ‘foster mother’, which gave me all the rights of guardianship and responsibility for that child as any other foster mother would have. On the third piece of paper, that I signed, I became the ‘adoptive’ mother, which gave me all the rights of guardianship and all the responsibilities of that child. My husband signed only ONE piece of paper, that he became the adoptive father and TOOK all rights and responsibility for the child he adopted. The child, age 16, never left my side or home! Yes, his name was changed, he choose how it was to be changed and yes, he has a amended birth certificate with his new name and father! He also has his original documents. What’s the big deal?
Well, if you happen to be Joan Wheeler it’s not only a big deal it’s a HUGE MISTAKE! As an adoptee his birth parents GAVE HIM UP and his identity was changed, paper work was falsified and fraud was committed because another person, besides the true birth father was on the new birth certificate!
Not only did Joan Wheeler interfere in our decision to adopt, she also violated our parental rights with her attempts to alienated my minor children from us using all kinds of behind the scenes dirty deeds. She told my children they didn’t have to listen to us or obey our rules. According to Joan we were UNFIT parents. We DIDN’T listen to her…oh we DID listen to her and told her it was none of her business. She didn’t like that! She stood in my kitchen screaming at me that I was making a big mistake. I had to push her out the door telling her don’t come back. She retaliated, twice, by calling false child abuse upon us. Then when she wrote and published that libelous book, she REWROTE the entire episodes of MY children’s lives to suit her purpose and position! Talk about exploiting people!
That libelous book, Forbidden Family, was pulled from publication by the publisher in May of 2011. But as the update, at the end of this post, will tell you, Joan revised and self-published it again!
So I know first hand how Joan Wheeler counsels anyone on the evils of adoption!
Recently, I was shown a comment that, this self-proclaimed adoption expert and social worker, Joan Wheeler wrote. The link, to the article, and Joan’s entire comment follow my commentary on a few sentences pulled from Joan’s comment. The article is about the buying and selling, as in commodities, of babies into adoption and the normalcy of the family.
Now there is no question that there are legal and non-legal businesses in baby adoptions, worldwide, along with agencies, social workers, lawyers and more; this is of no concern to me. What is of concern to me is the falseness of Joan Wheeler and how she condemns adoption for everyone. This is why I EXPOSE her when I can so that others understand how she operates.
Onto the comment… Joan begins with a quote from the author…”Those who want to raise their kids as “normal” kids and try to conform them to their own image just shouldn’t adopt.”
Joan says…When adoptees say this to adoptive parents, or to people who are in the process of adopting, we are criticized. Often to the point of being called “angry adoptees” or “you must have had a bad experience.”
Gert comments…Doesn’t EVERY parent mold their children into the image THEY want for their children? Right or wrong, this is the way of nature! Every child imitates the parents. We see that even far into late adulthood; where a person will act ‘just like mom or dad’! And every parent has a vision of what is ‘normal’ for them and their children and they will have the children ‘conform’ to the family’s ways!
Yes, Joan is an ‘angry adoptee’ and she did have ‘a bad experience’…why doesn’t she just admit it? Joan really hates adoption BECAUSE she was abused by the adoptive family! Most of the vocal angry adoptees admit that they have been abused; Joan refuses to admit it, but everything points to it. If these ‘angry adoptees’ would STOP browbeating everyone who adopts perhaps they may get a different reaction to their questions and concerns.
Joan says…Adoption is a total life-long experience, one cannot claim one single event to describe or label an entire lifetime.
Gert comments…what is she saying here??
Joan says…While adoptive parents really want to normalize adoption,
Gert comments…again what is she saying??
Joan says…it is the adoptee who experiences life as a complicated maze of emotions, facts, or lack of facts, as well as medical and, for many adoptees, racial, issues.
Gert comments…here we see how Joan externalizes what she has internalized about her own adoption! all except the ‘racial’ aspect! In recent times Joan has been cultivating racial adoptees because she has worn out her welcome with many other adoptees! Ok, I can give you that there are a vast array of emotions and lack of information for an adoptee, but not every adoptee behaves with such venom as Joan does!
Joan says…I once was in a conversation with an adoptive mother
Gert comments…Joan likes to talk, she’s always talking with people, she never shuts up! And she has this view point that her ‘talking’, one by one, will change the world’s view of adoption! Joan the Savior! She shall never eliminate adoption in the world! She ought better to take care of her own house, her physical, mental, spiritual and emotional house before she finds she doesn’t have any time left!
Joan says…her adoptee (a teenager) did not experience any problems and is not interested in searching
Gert comments…Joan can NOT accept the fact that ANYONE could have a positive experience with being adopted.
Joan says…The adoptive mother flung insults to me and other adoptees who tried to explain to her that a transracial teenage adoptee may be repressing her emotions to please her adoptive parents.
Gert comments…Again, another example of Joan’s externalizes what she has experienced internally! Doesn’t matter if it’s a transracial or not adoptee…according to Joan every adoptee ‘represses their emotions to please the adoptive parent’! Joan is telling us how she and her adoptive parents interacted with each other! Joan gets ‘insults’ flung at her because she DOESN’T know when to get out of other people business!
Joan says…Clearly, adoption agencies and social workers need to do a better job at counseling pre-adoptive parents and adoptive parents to be fully aware of the actual differences between adopting a child and raising a child born to the mother/couple who will raise the child.
Gert comments…Clearly, Joan sees adoption from her own eyes, from her experiences and clearly not from anyone else’s! And, as someone who has never-worked in the field of social work, she has no job experience nor on-going training to assess what a ‘better job’ may or may not be.
And now for the link and entire comment…
NOTE apparently the comments are no longer available…
“Those who want to raise their kids as “normal” kids and try to conform them to their own image just shouldn’t adopt.” —- I wonder how many adoptive parents will read this statement and secretly condemn you. Will they come on here in the comments to say out loud what they say to us adoptees? When adoptees say this to adoptive parents, or to people who are in the process of adopting, we are criticized. Often to the point of being called “angry adoptees” or “you must have had a bad experience.” Adoption is a total life-long experience, one cannot claim one single event to describe or label an entire lifetime. While adoptive parents really want to normalize adoption, it is the adoptee who experiences life as a complicated maze of emotions, facts, or lack of facts, as well as medical and, for many adoptees, racial, issues. I once was in a conversation with an adoptive mother of a Chinese daughter who insisted that her adoptee (a teenager) did not experience any problems and is not interested in searching for THAT woman, saying, “Furthermore, my daughter behaves just like me – she has forgotten her native language and has no desire to be Chinese”. The adoptive mother flung insults to me and other adoptees who tried to explain to her that a transracial teenage adoptee may be repressing her emotions to please her adoptive parents. Clearly, adoption agencies and social workers need to do a better job at counseling pre-adoptive parents and adoptive parents to be fully aware of the actual differences between adopting a child and raising a child born to the mother/couple who will raise the child.
UPDATE March 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!