Skip to content

Being lied to and lying…the inner workings of #JoanWheeler’s mind!

by on April 15, 2014

Learning how Joan Wheeler’s mind works,  is a fascinating exercise! She objects strongly that she was lied to, but she thinks NOTHING about how she continuously lies! She does NOT allow anyone to have ‘their own view’ of anything. She is incapable of putting herself in the shoes of another. Her view is the only one that counts!

This post is about what she wrote on the public forum for Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change. The forum is no longer public because I have exposed so much of their negative attitudes. If people don’t want the world to see their words they should never be on any public forum. But, Joan was, still is, on public forums and she continues to lie.

Joan’s inner workings; she rails against injustices done to her but NEVER sees the injustices that she DOES to others. Here she is, as 1adoptee, addressing a quote, by someone and then enlightening us all, with her advise that she, herself, does not abide by.

Title: Re: I want to know what others think…
Post by: 1adoptee on April 19, 2011, 01:44:14 PM

Quote   You would at least have it off our chest and let her know the jig is up.

A few years ago, my therapist asked me if my amom knew how I felt about being lied to all of my life. That stopped me cold. No, she didn’t know because I didn’t tell her exactly how I felt and why. So I did. It doesn’t matter how old they are, you just have to come clean with your feelings and be specific as to why. You may not get a response, but you may get a partial response. My amom at least talked through some of the issues of adoption and we came to resolution about the official lie of our birth certificates,, but as to keeping my adoption a secret, no, there was never a resolution of that issue. Once your aparents die, there is only you left to cope with the mess. That part is not very helpful, but at least if you speak your mind now you won’t be regretful when she is no longer here to attempt to talk things out. Therapy is the only way to get through the rest.

Gert here…Certainly, the way we are brought up will either give us power or make us powerless. It is my firm belief that Joan was raised to be powerless. It doesn’t take any kind of degree to figure that out. But for all the years of having a ‘therapist’ you would think that Joan would have learned something and change her life. Alas she has not! Joan is so good at being able to tell these faceless writers, on a public forum, about HOW to deal with their demons, but Joan can’t deal with her own! How many more years will Joan need to be in therapy before she understands that she was adopted and that adoption is NOT bad or a wrong thing?

It is Joan’s bad luck ??? to have been adopted BY THOSE PARENTS and to have had the upbringing that she had. I question the luck issue because you know it is possible that her SOUL choose to be adopted so that her SOUL could learn needed lessons…but that is not for this discussion. But, the fact that she was adopted by those parents does not make ADOPTION A BAD THING. Joan has been beating up the wrong dead horse all her life. It is NOT adoption, it was her adopted parents and adoptive family that were, perhaps, the bad thing. Joan would gain much if she recognized that and stopped beating up the wrong institutions and people.

Joan says…you won’t be regretful when she is no longer here to attempt to talk things out.

Again here is an example of Joan’s two-faced logic. Joan NEVER wanted to and still does not want to talk things out with the birth siblings and family! No, she wrote a lying libelous book to make sure that she doesn’t have to talk things out! Her book is the TRUTH and she is sticking to that, even though she, and it, have been proven totally false and libelous. If Joan HAD talked things out with us, and mended her ways, she could have written a book that was truthful and NOT filled with angry hate. But, Joan NEVER learns.

Title: Re: I want to know what others think…
Post by: 1adoptee on April 19, 2011, 01:49:41 PM

I also want to address the idea that someone brought up about the difference of being crazy rather than being mean. I think there is a distinct possiblity that amoms are in such denial of the horrors that adoption lies have put their adotpees through that they just can’t come clean with what they did. Back in the fifties, it was the thing to do: raise a child as happy and as care-free as possible. So what if there were major ommissions in the truth of the background of the adoptee? That doesn’t matter because we’ve got you now and everything is going to okay. In their minds, they did nothing wrong. But speak your mind to your amom anyway, may be you’ll break through.

Gert here…is there really a difference between being crazy and being mean? I really wonder! A person can’t be mean-spirited and NOT be crazy.

Certainly everyone gets mean on occasion but to carry it along as routine behavior indicates a more serious condition, such as a mental illness. It has been obvious to everyone in the birth family and to the adopted parents that Joan Wheeler has some sort of mental illness. That being said, it is Joan who is both mean and crazy and ought not be dispensing advise to people who obviously have a very low opinion of themselves in the first place. An ethical social worker Joan Wheeler is NOT. She has NEVER worked in the field! Her newest venture…on-line social work…really puts her in avenue where she can hurt innocent people without being called on it. Is there any over-sight on individuals who practice on-line social work?

I think that it is in terrible bad taste, as well as cruel and unfeeling, and untruthful, for Joan to make blanket statements such as this…

that amoms are in such denial of the horrors that adoption lies have put their adotpees through that they just can’t come clean with what they did

This statement/belief says these adopted mothers did horrors!! By adopting a child!! And obeying the rules of the land and adoption, by keeping the identity of birth family to themselves. It is totally in Joan’s mind that adoption and adopted parents are wrong. Joan hates adoption! Joan hates her adopted mother (deceased now) but Joan still hates!

And Joan isn’t mean or cruel or crazy?? Sure!! Tell me another fairy tale!

Ruth

so much I could say here – and I will – and usually turn it into my own blog post – but I want to share something here that Joan really should read – and learn from – it is something one of my facebook buddies David Gerrold wrote. He adopted a son about 15 years ago – and he and his son have a wonderful relationship. Please go read this –
https://www.facebook.com/RuthSippelPace/posts/10201633124379697   * see note at end of this blog post.

Ruth

darn internet cut out on me while I was gathering my thoughts about what David wrote and what lessons Joan really needs to learn – but I don’t think I could say it any better than how David said it:

“When Sean first moved in with me, he was carrying a lot of bad memories. (I don’t know the details, I never asked. I listened when he shared, but I didn’t probe.) In fact, he had so few good memories, he couldn’t extrapolate a future for himself. He didn’t see himself surviving.

So I made up a rule that every day, it didn’t matter what, we would do something together to create a good memory — take the dog for a walk, make cookies, play cowboys and other cowboys on the front lawn, anything that would make us both laugh. Within two weeks, I could start saying, “Remember when we….” so I could fill his memory library with good things.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, nobody does. I can make plans, he can make plans, but we’ve both learned how to roll with the unexpected earthquake too. In the meantime, we’re still looking for ways to create happy memories every day.

Trying new flavors of coffee isn’t about the coffee as much as it’s about having fun together. And it’s cheaper and easier than going to Starbucks.” * see note at end of this blog post.

I don’t know why the Wheelers weren’t good parents to Joan. But obviously there are good people out there who ARE good parents – and some of them are “adoptive” parents.

Gert said “…the fact that she was adopted by those parents does not make ADOPTION A BAD THING. Joan has been beating up the wrong dead horse all her life. It is NOT adoption, it was her adopted parents and adoptive family that were, perhaps, the bad thing. Joan would gain much if she recognized that and stopped beating up the wrong institutions and people.”

That is the whole truth. It is clear to anyone who knows Joan personally or reads her writings that the Wheelers mentally abused her. And physically abused her.

Joan needs to WORK WITH her therapist and confront this. She needs to put the blame squarely on those who abused her and messed up her head. Continuing to say things like she wants to totally eradicate the instituion of adoption is her clinging to a spectacularly futile and wasteful endeavor. There will ALWAYS be orphaned children (no matter what circumstances led them to being orphaned) and there will ALWAYS be people who have hearts capable of loving those children. Yes, there will always be child abuse, and Joan would do well to put her efforts into fighting that.

Joan needs to STOP BLAMING PEOPLE FOR THINGS THEY HAD NO PART OF.

Joan continously says on the internet that she was stalked her entire life by her birth siblings. This is a statement that is not only false, but clearly shows where she is putting the blame for her adoption – ON HER BIRTH SIBLINGS!
HER ENTIRE LIFE is what she says – so let’s see – she was born in 1956 – in 1956, I was three years old, turning four in August 1956. My brother had just turned 6 in 1956, Kathy turned 8 and Gert turned 9 years old in 1956.
How do four little kids stalk someone? Joan’s statements about her birth siblings are not only lies –  they are not rational!

Joan’s hatred and bitterness towards her birth-sisters are born of an irrational, delusional, and totally incorrect thought. – We had nothing to do with her adoption! We did not stalk her for her entire life. We are NOT the cause for Joan’s inner demons. We are just convenient punching bags for her because she cannot and will not put the blame for her miserable life on the person who is responsible – the woman who raised her.

*note – material by David Gerrold used by permission. Thank you David.

Advertisements
3 Comments
  1. so much I could say here – and I will – and usually turn it into my own blog post – but I want to share something here that Joan really should read – and learn from – it is something one of my facebook buddies David Gerrold wrote. He adopted a son about 15 years ago – and he and his son have a wonderful relationship. Please go read this –

  2. darn internet cut out on me while I was gathering my thoughts about what David wrote and what lessons Joan really needs to learn – but I don’t think I could say it any better than how David said it:

    “When Sean first moved in with me, he was carrying a lot of bad memories. (I don’t know the details, I never asked. I listened when he shared, but I didn’t probe.) In fact, he had so few good memories, he couldn’t extrapolate a future for himself. He didn’t see himself surviving.

    So I made up a rule that every day, it didn’t matter what, we would do something together to create a good memory — take the dog for a walk, make cookies, play cowboys and other cowboys on the front lawn, anything that would make us both laugh. Within two weeks, I could start saying, “Remember when we….” so I could fill his memory library with good things.

    I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, nobody does. I can make plans, he can make plans, but we’ve both learned how to roll with the unexpected earthquake too. In the meantime, we’re still looking for ways to create happy memories every day.

    Trying new flavors of coffee isn’t about the coffee as much as it’s about having fun together. And it’s cheaper and easier than going to Starbucks.”

    I don’t know why the Wheelers weren’t good parents to Joan. But obviously there are good people out there who ARE good parents – and some of them are “adoptive” parents.

    Gert said “…the fact that she was adopted by those parents does not make ADOPTION A BAD THING. Joan has been beating up the wrong dead horse all her life. It is NOT adoption, it was her adopted parents and adoptive family that were, perhaps, the bad thing. Joan would gain much if she recognized that and stopped beating up the wrong institutions and people.”

    That is the whole truth. It is clear to anyone who knows Joan personally or reads her writings that the Wheelers mentally abused her. And physically abused her.

    Joan needs to WORK WITH her therapist and confront this. She needs to put the blame squarely on those who abused her and messed up her head. Continuing to say things like she wants to totally eradicate the instituion of adoption is her clinging to a spectacularly futile and wasteful endeavor. There will ALWAYS be orphaned children (no matter what circumstances led them to being orphaned) and there will ALWAYS be people who have hearts capable of loving those children. Yes, there will always be child abuse, and Joan would do well to put her efforts into fighting that.

    Joan needs to STOP BLAMING PEOPLE FOR THINGS THEY HAD NO PART OF.

    Joan continously says on the internet that she was stalked her entire life by her birth siblings. This is a statement that is not only false, but clearly shows where she is putting the blame for her adoption – ON HER BIRTH SIBLINGS!
    HER ENTIRE LIFE is what she says – so let’s see – she was born in 1956 – in 1956, I was three years old, turning four in August 1956. My brother had just turned 6 in 1956, Kathy turned 8 and Gert turned 9 years old in 1956.
    How do four little kids stalk someone? Joan’s statements about her birthsiblings are not only lies – but they are not rational!

    Joan’s hatred and bitterness towards her birth-sisters are born of an irrational, delusional, and totally incorrect thought. – We had nothing to do with her adoption! We did not stalk her for her entire life. We are NOT the cause for Joan’s inner demons. We are just convenient punching bags for her because she cannot and will not put the blame for her miserable life on the person who is responsible – the woman who raised her.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: