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Something old, something new….more contradictions from #adoptee #JoanWheeler.
As with lots of things, in life, it may take awhile to ‘get back’ to them once they had to be put aside, for one reason or another. That is one of the main reasons that some of Joan Wheeler’s ‘older’ posts/comments are coming to light at such a late date; I do have a life besides Joan Wheeler. But, as long as she has those hate-blogs against us, and her once-a-upon-a-time boy friend Brian Maloney, has his hate-blog against us, I shall continue to expose everything I can find that Joan Wheeler has written! It is well worth noting that Joan threw Brian under the bus! He claimed to be her ‘defender’, went out of his way, to attack, browbeat, insult and malign the three birth siblings of Joan, on and for her benefit! Did a fine job of it all for the love of Joan! But, then Joan dropped him when he was no longer useful to her. This guy really OUGHT to take down that hate website against us, it isn’t helping him any!
Be that as it may…
So…I am only now getting to look at this, a comment that Joan wrote on 73adoptee.blogspot.com in March 2009. There are a couple of interesting points to make about this comment.
This post occurred 8 months BEFORE Joan’s lying book was published. She was using a photo of herself along with her full birth and adoptive names, because she WANTED to be known that way as a published author.
Since then, she doesn’t use photo and real names, too much, in many places. She believes that we sisters will not be able to find her. But she is wrong. If she wrote anything on the ‘net’ it shall be found…regardless of the choice of name she uses and we are always watchful.
She was ‘advised’ by fellow adoptees not to use her real name, she refused. But, she does have several screen names and we have found them all.
As this comment occurred before the publication of the libelous book we see how Joan is attempting to ‘show’ her position(s) on adoption reform ie. what is right or wrong. But it doesn’t come out very coherent. And as usual she lies! She never can remember one lie from another. I will bold, in her comment, items I shall comment about.
It should also be noted that Joan is STILL working on ANOTHER BOOK, here in 2014! When ever it does appear we shall see if she learned anything.
But to begin with I will share this observation from Ruth when she first saw the following: notice she said 23 years ago when I was happily married – 2009 minus 23 is 1986 – and in the book, she’s bitching about her marriage. Right!
As I just said, Joan can’t remember what she said in any other context. When she was writing this comment, she ALSO was rewriting the book. It would be so simple to just tell the truth instead of presenting yourself and/or others as something different than what you, or they, are. It takes so much energy to remember the lies and where you told the lies.
About the comment itself; what Joan is writing is in response to some bill in California, which I am not copying in full here. First we see just a portion of one other letter.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009 Letter To California: No Compromise On Adoptee Rights
Dear Assemblywoman Fiona Ma and other members of the California State Assembly,
I write to you concerning adoption records access in California. Bills are being considered that offer only conditional access to records. I urge you to enact laws that provide equal access to adoption records for all adult Californians.
Fellow adoptees from California have asked me to share my story with you. Triona Guidry Author, 73adoptee.blogspot.com
****the words, in Joan’s letter below that are in bold are what Gert’s comments will address***
The more I read, the more I learn. This is pathetic, what they’ve done to you! Both states are against you, and so is your natural mother!
Twenty-three years ago, when I was happily married, my husband and I attended a dinner party given by a community organization. A woman I hardly knew, picked a fight with me. She yelled at me that “me and my group of adoptees” influenced a stranger to “bang on her door” and “confront” their elderly mother. I was shaking and in tears, for I didn’t know why this woman was yelling at me. When she had calmed down, she said that her unknown half sister had attended a meeting of a local adoptee group that I was leading at the time. Turned out that, despite advice given to NOT barge in, an adoptee who attended one meeting, was sure she had the right mother, was angry, and stormed the 70-something year old woman at her front door! The old woman did not want her “secret” to be known, and her live-in middle-aged daughter did not know she had an older half sister. It was a mess. The elderly husband also did not know and so this scene created a cascade of horrible events.
I’m explaining this for a reason: This kind of intense fear is a result of the harsh treatment a mother went through when pregnant, scared, and belittled. Of course she would have built up feelings of fear and hatred for the “baby” who caused her to go through this. To carry this around, not be able to tell her own husband, or her second daughter who was the only other child she had, is an unthinkable punishment for a crime that society assigned.
The real solution, then, is many-fold. Don’t give such women the chance to sign “no contact” forms. Why? Because no person has the moral right to deny their own offspring knowledge of the truth of their conception and birth. That should be carved into stone and then made into law: You give birth, you have an obligation to tell the truth. Furthermore, access to your birth certificate is access to information, not necessarily an invitation for contact.
Even twenty-three years ago,myself and others in the reform movement advised not to barge in on unsuspecting natural parents or, if a parent was searching, not to barge in on an unsuspecting adoptee who may not know she or he was adopted. Consideration works both ways.
Obviously we are dealing with a complex issue. Legislation to restore adoptees’ civil rights should not be confused with the emotions of a found parent, or adoptee, and complex family relationships affected. If anything is legislated beyond adoptee access, proposed laws might look at a way to counsel and inform the found individual and family with compassion and understanding of what happened in the past, how to heal those hurts, and deal with the present.
My heart goes out to you, and your natural mother. You both are suffering needlessly.
March 10, 2009 11:21 AM end of Joan’s comment
Why is Joan, who is NOT a resident of California, writing a protest letter? Support? Okay, but why then doesn’t she address the issue at hand? Joan never does, address the issue at hand that is, because she gets carried away and starts talking about herself and her issues. The issue, here, is adoption records access NOT all the other issues that Joan brings out. Too much information! It tends to close people’s eyes and ears. Joan’s self-righteousness actually turns the ‘powers that be’ off!
Joan is also two-faced!! Her reasons, she gives, for the damage that keeping records and secrets end up creating are the very same reasons why we, the birth siblings, are upset that Joan published, lied and fabricated so much about our lives and never once thought about our privacy! Here, then, are my comments to some of Joan’s statements, that are in bold.
is pathetic, what they’ve done to you
See and hear Joan’s outrage! Only she can have that emotion! Members of her birth and adoptive families have no right to feel any outrage over what she has done to them!
Twenty-three years ago, when I was happily married
Ruth has already addressed that, namely notice she said 23 years ago when I was happily married – 2009 minus 23 is 1986 – and in the book, she’s bitching about her marriage.
I will add that, in the book, Joan leaves NOTHING to guess at as to just how totally unhappy her married life was, the same goes for her relationships with her children and her boy-friends. Depending on whom Joan is talking to, at any given time, the story is always altered.
me and my group of adoptees
Right from the beginning, with Joan and these angry adoptees, their first reaction is to confront. I well know it, for in 1979/80, from the very beginning of ‘discussion’ to ‘actual’ adoption of my own son, Joan did everything in her power to get me to stop the adoption process. She was very confrontational and because I refused to listen to her she retaliated against me by alienating my minor children against me and calling child abuse on me twice…so yes I know all about this confrontation! So even if this ‘event’ that she is referring to happened in 1986, Joan USED those tactics years before and I was her FIRST VICTIM!
attended a meeting of a local adoptee group that I was leading at the time
despite advice given to NOT barge in,
angry, and stormed the 70-something year old woman
did not want her “secret” to be known,
It was a mess
scene created a cascade of horrible events.
As I’ve said, I knew all about this type of confrontation! Even if advice is given NOT to do so, there is always someone who will take it upon themselves to act out against someone else. This is why Joan Wheeler is so DANGEROUS, because she advocates violence. She is an angry adoptee and those like her, on the public forum, Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, are always using various violent means to go after pro-adoption folks.
Joan Wheeler is a two-faced speaker. If a person does not agree with her, she will, and does, go after them. Joan is talking here about someone NOT wanting their SECRET out! That did not stop Joan for writing about her birth family in articles, in a lying book and on two webpages and enlisting other adoptees to go after her siblings and enlisting her boy friend Brian to create a hate-blog against us. Joan HAD/HAS no regard for our privacy and our ‘secret’. She exploited us and exposed us and lied about us, in print and she did so during the time she wrote this lying comment!
This kind of intense fear is a result of the harsh treatment a mother went through when pregnant, scared, and belittled.
would have built up feelings of fear and hatred for the “baby” who caused her to go through this.
unthinkable punishment for a crime that society assigned.
Where does she get this kind of inferred logic? How does Joan KNOW what that woman went through? How can she say, with such certainty, that the intense fear was a result of any kind of treatment? This is purely speculative in nature and if Joan thinks that the ‘powers to be’ are influenced by this rhetoric she is wrong…they see right through this nonsense. And then, she projects her own feelings by suggesting that the built up feelings were directed at the baby! My gods! And this kind of warped thinking is suppose to help adoption reform! And furthermore, Joan states, with great conviction, that society has committed a crime that causes the imagined punishment! No, all this is just the screaming rage of one angry adoptee!
The real solution, then, is many-fold
Because no person has the moral right to deny their own offspring knowledge of the truth of their conception and birth
should be carved into stone and then made into law
give birth, you have an obligation to tell the truth.
access to your birth certificate is access to information, not necessarily an invitation for contact.
Solutions are not found in Joan Wheeler’s flawed logic. This logic is so flawed it is incomprehensible. Giving birth has nothing to do with telling the truth. Joan has no conception of how human beings act and think. Unfortunately, people do harm, to themselves, their offspring and others, and, no moral outrage will make them stop. Making laws to make people moral!! A society can not legistate MORALITY, it comes from within.
As a birth sibling, who found Joan Wheeler, that contact did NOT give her the right to abuse me and my family, nor to call child abuse upon me, or to tell and write falsehoods about me, just because I told her to butt out of my life. Joan never sees her own wrong words and actions.
myself and others in the reform movement advised not to barge in on unsuspecting natural parents
Consideration works both ways.
Where was her ‘consideration’ for members of the birth family…after we found her? Where was it for me, a birth sister, when Joan ‘went after’ me because I was adopting! Joan knew perfectly well what she was doing in 1979/80 when she ‘barged’ in on my family. Where was her consideration for me and my family’s right to self-govern? Joan Wheeler has no consideration for others, she only wants to stop people from adopting.
are dealing with a complex issue.
the emotions of a found parent, or adoptee, and complex family relationships affected.
a way to counsel and inform
with compassion and understanding of what happened in the past, how to heal those hurts, and deal with the present.
My heart goes out to you
What lines of bullshit…it is only written for ‘show’. Knowing Joan Wheeler, as well as I do, she has no compassion and understanding for anyone who is pro-adoption. Once, in 1981, I went to a professional mediation group looking for a way to solve our dispute. When asked, by the counselor, if Joan would sit with me and a mediator, Joan said ‘go to hell’. So don’t listen to Joan’s false words of compassion, understanding and how to heal. Her heart goes out to no one but herself!
Ruth here –
compassion?” riiiiggghtt – Joan sure showed ME compassion when in 1987, two years after my miscarriage, (and Joan knew I was grieving AND she knew that I had tried for four years to conceive) – during a phone conversation – Joan keeps babbling about infertility. I told her once, twice, a third time, that I did NOT want to talk about the subject. Did she abide by my wishes? NO! She had the nerve to say “I know more about infertility than you think I do.” Really? she knows only book things – she knows only what other people TELL her – BUT she does NOT know about infertility, because she had two children. There is absolutely NO way that Joan can “know” about infertility anymore than I can know about giving birth!
Sooo, when she came at me with that comment, I slammed the phone down on her. COMPASSION? oh hell no! Joan showed NO compassion to me.
THEN – because a couple of days later, I found a new place to live, when I did move a month later, I had my mail forwarded to a friend’s house in Lackawanna, NY. Joan CALLED MY SUPERVISOR AT WORK – trying to “find” me. She kept calling my job. Just about every night there was a note on my time card “Ruth, call Joan Wheeler 876-6419.” I would always throw the notes in the garbage. My supervisor told me that Joan whined to her on the phone that “she didn’t know why I didn’t want anything to do with her.” And my supervisor told me that she told Joan, “we can’t make Ruth call you.”
Now what was that that Joan said about the woman coming at her at the dinner party: “I was shaking and in tears, for I didn’t know why this woman was yelling at me.” – yep – that’s Joan, liar. She does things to antagonize people and then claims she doesn’t know why people get mad at her. She said it several times in her book when people came at her ‘ “I was shocked..” “I was surprised…” “I don’t know why…” Joan is either very STUPID or just a plain out trouble maker and liar! Either way – she’s someone to avoid.
Also – in her book, in person and on the internet – she’s always throwing accusations our at her birth family about us all “stalking” her. – Well, you know what? Stupid me, in 1988, I called her up and told her where I was living and hooked back up with her (what the HELL was I thinking?) – She told me that she had gone to the post office to get my forwarding address and was directed to the address in Lackawanna, and she drove over there, but was “confused” because there was an Arab family living there.
okay – STALKING!
going to the post office to get my forwarding address
driving to that address to find me
calling my supervisor to whine about me not calling her
calling my job repeatedly leaving messages
THAT’S CALLED STALKIING!
Joan still lives in a false sense of reality! and totally unaware that HER PAST does resurface!
In recent days…she posted about an article on Yahoo saying…
“this article was written by an ex-boyfriend of mine! yeah Rich Richard Weizel”
Yep but she DOESN’T tell what the ex and her were ATTEMPTING to do with exploiting the birth family! But we know and in due time will EXPOSE that evidence!
then she posted this little goodie
“Glad to help out! 38 years ago, I began writing about my life in journals, diaries. I just wrote because I had the urge to organize my thoughts. Much was not appropriate for a book, but other bits became a book. Soon to be published in a revised edition! — with Northside Writers’ help, your writings will not take as long to shape up!”
She is a con-artist! on top of being a liar! there can NOT be a revised edition of a libelous book that has been pulled from publication, by the publisher. That is why Joan has been cultivating and using the writer’s group and others. Those ‘other bits became a book’ NEVER should have been in the book…they are what made that book libelous! My advise to people is to get as far away from her as possible are your name is be forever linked to a liar!
Gert – when you say, ” there can NOT be a revised edition of a libelous book that has been pulled from publication, by the publisher.” – you should have said – THERE CAN NOT BE A REVISED EDITION OF THE TRUTH! – Because when Joan signed a contract with Trafford Publishers to have her book published, she told them that everything in it was the TRUTH. When she began promoting that book, she said on various places on the internet that her book was the TRUTH. But in reading that book, I found many lies in it – and I still had documentation that PROVED what Joan wrote in her book was FALSE. That documentation was sent to Trafford and their legal department saw that Joan LIED to them and they pulled the book.
So – now Joan is REVISING her book. Now tell me Joan – if it is necessary to REVISE it, then it WASN’T THE TRUTH like you said it was.