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So there’s this news story…

by on December 15, 2014

about a retirement party for one, among several in a group, that have helped those in the adoption triad. Joan Wheeler commented on it, in her ‘nice voice’ that presents herself as the ‘voice of reason and compassion’, to others in a field that she only can DREAM of ever belonging to!

But first an UPDATE MAY 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor!

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoption1

https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/2016/05/12/joan-mary-wheeler-has-legally-changed-her-name-to-doris-michol-sippel/

NOW BACK TO THIS POST….

I find it a bit strange that an ‘adoptee’ can ALWAYS speak about their experiences with adoption BUT the experiences of family members, at the hand of the adoptee is NEVER EVER ALLOWED. And, in particular when a family member (me), who is also an adoptive mother, was treated wrongly, whom OUGHT to be given the same courtesy as GIVEN to others, in that triad, is NOT because I dared to speak of the deeds and words DONE TO ME by the ADOPTEE.

Okay, fair is fair, I don’t know the woman, or the group, but whenever Joan Wheeler talks about her BIRTH FAMILY I take notice. In this case I wrote a comment on the news item, presented below. Ruth also wrote one, which I’m not including here because I don’t have it. Within 2 days, both our comments were REMOVED from the comments. Okay, again fair is fair.

Now just lifting a few sentences from Joan’s comment to comment on here we see a very calm understanding Joan, the one she presents when she’s kiss-assing…

can bring understanding and cooperation to adoption.

The adoptee must be told the truth in kind, gentle ways.

I wish my adoptive family and natural family knew about the books of…

BUT these people probably NEVER saw, let alone read Forbidden Family, that libelous book Joan wrote! So here are a few examples of HOW Joan brought ‘understanding and cooperation’ and ‘told the truth in kind, gentle ways’ and ‘my adoptive and natural family’…

Chapter 30, The Effects of Continued Hate;

pg350, Joan said, ‘I created a near-riot in one class by simple addressing issues I raised at the 19th Annual International American Adoption Congress Conference in April 1997’

pg352, (discussing her address, where the students did not agree with her premise) Joan says, ‘There it was again. I was being attacked for addressing issues that need to be exposed. Just as my ignorant relatives lashed out at me, this classroom of social work students reacted to me as a person while not intelligently acknowledging the issues I raised.’

Pg355, ‘I can see that you’re not interested in current professional discussion on this vital social work issue. Clearly no one here in ‘Backward Buffalo’ wants to hear what worldwide adoption professionals have to say about…’

Pg356, ‘I was marked a troublemaker and shunned from further discussions…The only place I felt secure, wanted and understood, was at conferences with other adoptees, natural parents and professionals with progressive minds.’

OK, back to reality here…yep…the only place Joan feels secure is with progressive minds and conferences! Well that explains why NO ONE in Joan’s adoptive and birth families EVER GOT A DECENT WORD OR DEED FROM HER.

So here is the link to the news story…followed by Joan’s comment and then my deleted one.

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/metro/20141212-group-gives-support-to-adoptees-birth-and-adoptive-parents.ece#commentsDiv

Note May 29, 2016...there are NO comments posted on this news story, perhaps they are deleted after a certain time period.

Joan wrote:

What a lovely article on the work of these women – and especially, Carol! Though I don’t think we’ve met, I met Bill Betzen in Dallas in either 1996 or 1997 at an American Adoption Congress Conference. It brings me much happiness that you  – the women in this article – can bring understanding and cooperation to adoption. The way my adoption and reunion was handled, it was very hard on us all, especially me, the unsuspecting adoptee who was not told the truth. Knowing what to say to adoptive parents and extended relatives of a new adoptee is extremely important for the integrity of that adoptive family unit. The adoptee must be told the truth in kind, gentle ways. I wish my adoptive family and natural family knew about the books of H. David Kirk: “Acknowledgment of difference” is so very valuable for the development of the adoptee and the adoptive parents. I commend you all for bringing that wisdom to the families you have worked with. My only complaint is that even open adoption is not a good choice, but I think you know that. It is far far better to work with single and young parents to build parenting skills and build a safety network so that they may keep their children. Open adoption still separates mother and child needlessly. Even in open adoption, the adoptee’s actual birth certificate is sealed, and a new one is created using the names of the adoptive parents as if they gave birth to the child named, in the new name they wish to be the new identity of the child. There is absolutely no need for any child to have to give up their identity and place within the family of birth for the gains of others. Please work to sustain family preservation and end the destructive forces of sealed and falsified birth certificates. And congratulations, Carol, on your retirement!

Gert wrote

Congratulations on the fine work you have done!

I support open medical and identification records of all adoptions, however that may be. I’m sure that there is much to be done for the betterment of all in the adoption triad, which I am part of.

I adopted my own birth child with 2nd husband, but unfortunately my parental rights were violated by an adoptee who thought I was doing great harm to my child…false birth certificate and all that! I was told to ‘listen’. I listened and said it is my RIGHT to adopt. I was subjected to false child abuse reports when I forbade further connect with my minor children. Years later, I, my children and family were victimized by slander and libel. Certainly, the decision to adopt MUST be left in the hands of those that choose to adopt and not be intimidated by those that see adoption as an evil. There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ when it comes to adoption.

Ruth Dec 15, 2014

right – Gert says that the birth family NEVER gets their statements out – and that’s the purpose of our blogs.
here is the comment that I left and they removed it. Because as much as the adoptees whine that people don’t want to listen to “them” – they in turn REFUSE TO LISTEN TO OTHERS THAT HAVE A VALID SAY. Condescending comments were left on my blog for me to “learn about adoption and try to understand things from Joan’s point of view.” – Because they DIDN’T READ the ‘about’ page and the page that explained WHY we have our blogs – if they had, they would have known that WE DID OUR RESEARCH AND OUR LISTENING TO JOAN’S POINT OF VIEW BACK IN THE 1970’S!
The adoptees also fall into the flawed concept of always accepting a fellow adoptee’s words as gospel – in their eyes, a fellow adoptee can do no wrong. They are all so delusional.
– so here is my, Ruth’s, comment:

I too have been the victim of much slander and libel by an angry adoptee, who published those slanders in a book, put out by a vanity press. The angry adoptee signed a contract with the publisher stating that all contents of the book were true and factual. However, many blatant lies about my character and reputation were in the book, even stating that I have a criminal record, and making a mockery of my miscarriage and infertility by saying “it’s just as well she didn’t become a mother..” because in her eyes, my hobby of buying VHS horror movies was using up my income – never mind at the same time period I spent over $100.00 for a doghouse for my dog. – but I digress – I still had police and court documents of the harassments I suffered at the hand of this angry adoptee and copies were sent to the publisher of the slanderous book. It took their legal team four months to go through my documents and compare them to the convulated twisted statements in the book and out and out lies – the end result was the decision BY THE PUBLISHER to pull the book from publication. Sad to say, the angry adoptee I am referring to is my own sister, who hates her birth siblings because we were not adopted, but she was.
And most people forget there are other people involved/affected by adoption – any birth siblings – we always knew we had a sister out there, and when we were reunited with her, we were so happy. But then reality came in, she did not have the same moral values that we did. Lying, stealing, manipulation, disrespect – one by one, her immediate birth family and members of her birth extended family told her to go away.
People reading this comment might point out “see, we keep saying adoption is bad.” – maybe, maybe not – I’m not the one to judge – all I know is that I opened my heart to my sister and got abused because of it. Because I put my foot down and set boundaries.
If an adoptee was involved in a bad adoption, was abused in some way, I’m sorry. they have my sympathy. However, I always say, “just because one was abused, that does not mean they can turn around and abuse someone else.”
And that goes for self-labeled “angry adoptees.” They’re angry. Okay. They have their reasons for being angry. Okay. But that does not give them free rein to abuse other people who had nothing to do with their adoption.

 

 

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2 Comments
  1. right – Gert says that the birth family NEVER gets their statements out – and that’s the purpose of our blogs.
    here is the comment that I left and they removed it. Because as much as the adoptees whine that people don’t want to listen to “them” – they in turn REFUSE TO LISTEN TO OTHERS THAT HAVE A VALID SAY. Condescending comments were left on my blog for me to “learn about adoption and try to understand things from Joan’s point of view.” – Because they DIDN’T READ the ‘about’ page and the page that explained WHY we have our blogs – if they had, they would have known that WE DID OUR RESEARCH AND OUR LISTENING TO JOAN’S POINT OF VIEW BACK IN THE 1970’S!
    The adoptees also fall into the flawed concept of always accepting a fellow adoptee’s words as gospel – in their eyes, a fellow adoptee can do no wrong. They are all so delusional.
    – so here is my comment:

    I too have been the victim of much slander and libel by an angry adoptee, who published those slanders in a book, put out by a vanity press. The angry adoptee signed a contract with the publisher stating that all contents of the book were true and factual. However, many blatant lies about my character and reputation were in the book, even stating that I have a criminal record, and making a mockery of my miscarriage and infertility by saying “it’s just as well she didn’t become a mother..” because in her eyes, my hobby of buying VHS horror movies was using up my income – never mind at the same time period I spent over $100.00 for a doghouse for my dog. – but I digress – I still had police and court documents of the harassments I suffered at the hand of this angry adoptee and copies were sent to the publisher of the slanderous book. It took their legal team four months to go through my documents and compare them to the convulated twisted statements in the book and out and out lies – the end result was the decision BY THE PUBLISHER to pull the book from publication. Sad to say, the angry adoptee I am referring to is my own sister, who hates her birth siblings because we were not adopted, but she was.
    And most people forget there are other people involved/affected by adoption – any birth siblings – we always knew we had a sister out there, and when we were reunited with her, we were so happy. But then reality came in, she did not have the same moral values that we did. Lying, stealing, manipulation, disrespect – one by one, her immediate birth family and members of her birth extended family told her to go away.
    People reading this comment might point out “see, we keep saying adoption is bad.” – maybe, maybe not – I’m not the one to judge – all I know is that I opened my heart to my sister and got abused because of it. Because I put my foot down and set boundaries.
    If an adoptee was involved in a bad adoption, was abused in some way, I’m sorry. they have my sympathy. However, I always say, “just because one was abused, that does not mean they can turn around and abuse someone else.”
    And that goes for self-labeled “angry adoptees.” They’re angry. Okay. They have their reasons for being angry. Okay. But that does not give them free rein to abuse other people who had nothing to do with their adoption.

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