abuser, adoption reform, adoption reunions, Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, age differences between parents and children, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, co-dependency, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, exploiting a dying dead mother, Forbidden Family a book of lies, how not to be a social-worker, identity issues, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds, www.deseretnews.com/article/705390598
Identity and adoption; more about that from Joan Wheeler #flipthescript
While ‘identity’ is a real concern, as in adoption, there are some people that just go over the top-edge in their ‘drama’ about it. There is a difference between identity and identity crises.
Some people just are not happy unless they can tell everyone all about themselves. I think that’s called narcissistic behavior. And then there are some people who feel it’s quite alright, in their ‘need’ for attention, to tell lies about family members while they are exploiting them! I think that is abusive behavior towards others and needs to be exposed! That is what the birth sisters of Joan Wheeler have been doing.
Joan Wheeler actually goes out of her way looking for places where she can talk about herself. She really isn’t concerned about others or their problems. No, it’s all about her and her identity. She can’t get ‘regular’ clients so she has to go looking for them out on the Net and give her unsolicited advice. Oh, didn’t you know! Joan Wheeler is a social worker! But, she hasn’t held any job where she actually did any ‘social work’. With her unstable conditions of depression, suicidal thoughts as well as other, self-told about, conditions, NO ONE ought to take Joan’s advice and help.
So, are adoptees the only ones that have identity crises? Seems to me I’ve had a couple of them myself over the years. I know others that have too, comes with the territory called ‘growing up and being human’. So why is this ‘so’ important to Joan? Joan has never come to terms with herself, and the facts of her life circumstances, in the first place and that is why she has ‘identity crises’. Every human being must come to terms with who they are and how they came about or they will spend the rest of their lives with a variety of mental conflicts…like Joan Wheeler.
I’m not saying that, in adoption situations, that not knowing an identity would not cause a problem or concern. I am saying that many people are adopted in the world and they DO NOT have this constant need to address their identity or other aspects of their adoption to the world. Joan Wheeler is not a happy person. Joan NEEDS constant attention. Even when she speaks out about her identity crisis in adoption, she exhibits her anger and hate. She will always be unhappy. She will never have peace, because, she loves her pain.
Here are a couple of offerings, of Joan, as 1adoptee AND as halforphan56, on two separate web sites. These are only two of the many internet NAMES Joan uses. And she wonders about identity??!!
The one site is known to us but the other is from a Mormon site! Strange don’t you think? Joan proclaims her non-belief in organized religions yet has no problem with speaking out on this site. Why? Because it gave her the opportunity to speak her mind and tell all of them about her pain. But by telling these people her story she doesn’t gain anything EXCEPT in her own delusional mind…she told them!
Joan Wheeler is an internet troll…looking for any mention of adoption…so she can tell her warped sense of reality to all who will accept her comment. I have noted over time that in many of the non-adoptee sites, such as this Mormon one, after one of her comments, there are rarely any more comments, because usually she is so far off base that she closes the conversation down. In other words, people see that she makes little to no sense. And on those occasions where someone might counter something she says, directly, she disappears. Joan Wheeler is a hit and ran troll!
Joan’s words are in italic…
halforphan56 BUFFALO, NY 12:01 p.m. Sept. 12, 2011
As an adoptee,, during childhood, I was not allowed to ask questions. Talking about my adoption was not allowed. Instead,, my adoptive mother told me when I was five that my “mother had too many children so she gave you to us.” Then, when I was about 7, the story was changed to “your mother died so your father thought it best that you live with us.”
Ignorance of what statements like this do to the young adoptee has affected me deeply. Adoptive parents ought to have a clear understanding of adoption before they adopt. Mine did not.
A child’s mind is fragile. True honesty about the circumstances of birth and relinqushment must be told to the adoptee in a loving way, and in age-appropriate language.
Turns out that my mother really did die when I was an infant, but my adoptive parents didn’t handle the situation very well.
Gert’s comments here…
Joan and other adoptees are not the only ones who were not allowed to ask questions as they grew up. That is the way some parent are…don’t ask, don’t tell, has always been around. I can understand that parents will tell different stories at different times in a child’s life, and, that there are certain ‘secrets’ that parents just will not discuss. That’s the way of the world, nothing different for adoptees to think they were treated ‘differently’ because they were adopted.
So some parents are ‘ignorant’; that isn’t anything new either. Parents can and do say unreasonable things to children. That is no reason for Joan to go and give her unsolicited advice to Mormons. They already have their own versions of family life; they certainly don’t need Joan’s versions!
And Joan always tells the truth! A child’s mind is fragile. True honesty What a line of horse shit! Remember she’s talking to the Mormons, who don’t know anything about her.
How come she doesn’t tell the truth of her own actions? What did she tell my minor children when she VIOLATED my parental rights and authority? Joan had no problem going behind my back and telling my children they did not have to listen to me or obey my rules! Joan disapproved of my parenting and my ‘adopting’ my children with second husband. Joan called false child abuse upon me TWICE, because I would NOT LISTEN to her.
Joan has familial blood on her hands; she is a kin-killer! And she thinks its okay to tell others what they should or should NOT do about raising children. She couldn’t raise her own children properly! And then she ‘documents’ how she committed child abuse upon them.
Now from the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change public forum
TOPIC Does anyone feel like they have a dual identity?
Reply #6 on: November 29, 2011, 08:27:31 PM
Yes, definitely. I was given a full name at birth and, when adopted a year later, my name was changed. I didn’t know about my first name until I had my reunion and when I found out that I had another name, the realization had a deep impact on me. Screwed up my head. I had to write my two names over and over on a sheet of paper to try to remember my own name. I don’t see myself as two people, just as a person who has two names — and two families. It’s mindblowing. But living through my reunion helped me integrate the two identities so its more like history now. I’ve used my adotped name all of my life so that’s the one I identify with psycholgically.
Gert’s comments here…
Again, I can understand how it might feel to ‘find’ out your birth name but after a while you just learn to live with it and reality. That happens with marriage. I’ve been married twice and had my name changed. Didn’t Joan Wheeler change her name after marriage? Yes she did, to Wheeler-Bell (husband’s name is Bell). And did Joan have SERIOUS issues over this with her adoptive mother? Yes she did! A lot of Joan’s problems stem from the woman that adopted Joan. Luck of the draw! No one gets ‘perfect’ in life.
Joan has never been fully integrated psychologically. She’s been in ‘therapy’ all her life! She uses her ‘adoption’ as a means to whip others who adopt, because she is totally anti-adoption and wants to rid the world of the ‘evils of adoption’.
Joan recently, early 2015, started a ‘business’; Identity Press, where she hopes to get other adoptees to submit their stories and their DOCUMENTS to be published in a book! Really now! The whole reason that Joan’s book, Forbidden Family, was libel is because she published it as ‘non-fiction’ and put the WHOLE FAMILY NAME out there! Others beware!
UPDATE Dec 2015; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ yet again, her ‘story’, NOW called ‘duped by adoption’. There is NOTHING in it for adoption reform, for she is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…