#flipthescript, abuser, adoption reform, adoption reunions, being downright nasty, birth certificates, birth/adoptive families, bullying, child abuse, co-dependency, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, false accusations, Forbidden Family a book of lies, guardianship, how not to be a social-worker, intimidation, whining, worthlessness
A closed mind is a dangerous mind; more on #JoanWheeler’s take of guardianship versus adoption #flipthescript
I saw the following blog post, with comments, including one from Joan. As usual, she gives her closed mind opinion. Two people commented, to her, pointing out flaws in her argument and then nothing more, from Joan! I prepared a comment but it has not been posted, probably will never be posted; that’s why I have a blog!
I am not presenting all of the article and comments here, if you need to see the full thing the address is… http://www.rebeccahawkes.com/2013/03/we-can-do-better-call-to-move-beyond.html
NOTE; if you are unable to connect with the above link…copy and paste it into your browser, it should come up.
We Can Do Better: A Call to Move Beyond Adoption as We Know It
There was a time in history when children without parents or extended family members to care for them ended up in poor houses, orphan asylums, or baby farms, all of which were pretty horrid places. One could certainly argue that the societal shift from viewing unattached children as potential sources of labor, as in indentured servitude, to viewing them as children to be raised as one’s own offspring represented a clear improvement. But the horrors of the past do not excuse us from looking critically at the institutions of the present. We can focus on moving forward, rather than back. We do not have to accept the status quo as merely “better than before” or “good enough.” We can do better. **see above site for balance of blog
All these comments were made around March/April of 2013 Joan is using her ‘forbiddenfamily’ screen name.
Lori So true: “the horrors of the past do not excuse us from looking critically at the institutions of the present.” We should always strive to do things better.
Forbidden Family Very good piece. I may remind your readers, however, that adoption is never an option, ever. Why? Because adoption means that not only is the child removed from the family of birth, but her birth certificate is sealed and a new one issued to replace it – upon the finalization of adoption. Removing the financial gains of people employed in the adoption industry is just one goal. Ultimately, we need to promote family preservation as you said, and also guardianship in cases where the child is in need of a family. Guardianship preserves the child’s birth identity, place in family, visitation with parents and siblings and grandparents while securing a home with adults who will love and cherish that child. It is vitally important that we get away from the mantra – “adoption, the loving option.” When grandparents, for example, adopt their own grandchild, that child’s parents then become aunts and uncles, and grandparents are now parents. This does not make sense to a young mind. This causes emotional problems and cognitive distortion which forces a child to believe something that she knows is not real. And that child becomes an adult with identity confusion. Adoption by total strangers or other family members is not an option, either. Guardianshiip needs to replace adoption when a child is in dire need.
Jamie> Forbidden Family Guardianship lacks a sense of permanency. If you introduce uncertainty on the part of the people caring for the child, the child will sense it. The children we adopted were not placed with family because no one was deemed fit to care for them. I don’t think this needs to be a black and white issue.
Lynn> Forbidden Family I disagree, Joan. If a child is told the truth in a family adoption, he/she can understand that roles have changed, but that blood relations are still the same (brother and uncle) (father and grandfather). As Jamie mentions, guardianship lacks permanency.
There is so no permanent safety with guardianship for the child to be secure in the family. Guardianship does not guarantee visitation for anyone. Parents have exclusive rights to say yay or nay to any visitation by anyone in the family. There may be a few grandparents who have some rights in some states, but for the most part, guardianship does not guarantee rights. Someone has to be deemed a legal guardian (through custody or adoption) when birth parents are not available. As a family member who adopted, we made this decision to protect our family member. Our child’s role and blood relations are in tact and she is fully aware of what they are. Adoption by family members is a form of family preservation, and an option for some families who don’t want non-relatives to raise their kids.
Gert here… here is my comment that didn’t get on…oh well!
A very good thought provoking article! Of course, as societies advance their social structures change, but we still live in an imperfect world; there is no one-way approach to anything. Adoption, in one form or another, will always be a part of the social fabric of humans, for no other reason than we need to take care of the ‘children’ that, for better or worst, the ‘family’ cannot care for. The same can be said for the elderly, the long-term sick, disabled physically and mentally. Not every ‘family’ can care for and KEEP that elder, that sick, that disabled, that mentally impaired, person in the home. At some point, sooner or later, they have to be PLACED in a facility that will care for them!
For someone, like forbiddenfamily, to state a personal opinion…‘that adoption is never an option, ever.’…does NOT address any of the real concerns that adoption DOES pose and doesn’t leave any room for improvement. As such that opinion/view does not present anything close to a balanced picture; it is a totally ‘closed book/mind’ postion and that’s dangerous.
For more info see my posts and thank you.
http://www.gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/How my family has been touched by adoption; both positive and negative aspects by Gert McQueen on January 13, 2013
http://www.gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/Guardianship, as alternative to adoption, doesn’t work in the real world; its just another one of Joan Wheeler’s fantasies! on March 6, 2013
end of this post
UPDATE Dec 2015; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version.