adoption, adoption reunions, being downright nasty, blaming people for your own mess, browbeating to get your own way, bullying, co-dependency, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, embellishing the truth, Forbidden Family a book of lies, how not to be a social-worker, interfering with parental authority, NY state disability and working, same sex couples adoping, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds, worthlessness
Joan Mary Wheeler reaches out, for any old thread, to weave her tales of BS, that #adoption is an evil that MUST BE STOPPED…but
…it back-fires on her!
see end of post for update info
Somehow I saw the following site, dated February 26, 2014, on which Joan made comments on or about 29 June 2015. Joan was probably LOOKING for something that related to the recent Supreme Court decision about gay marriages. In any event, it led to a couple of replies/comments by me and sister Ruth.
Oh and if Joan Wheeler is ‘self-employed’ perhaps the state of New York Disability would LIKE TO KNOW that, as Joan is receiving SSI and can NOT work and receive benefits!
Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy and to Martha Osborne —
I caution against ANY adoption at all! Here is why: if you adopt an older child out of foster care, that child has a name, knows that she has two parents who, for whatever reason, cannot be effectual parents but who are, indeed, that child’s parents. That child who is 4 or 6 or 8 years old, knows she has a name and knows the names of her parents. Perhaps she has brothers and sisters. When an older child is adopted out of foster care (or in any other adoption) the child’s name is changed. She goes through 4 or 6 or 8 years with one name, but then, because of adoption, is now, POOF, a brand new person with a new first and middle and last name.
And as adopting parents, you won’t be told that your act of adopting to make this child “your own” will force that child to lose her birth certificate. The State will automatically remove the validity of the actual birth certificate, seal it forever, and replace it with a new, amended – FALSIFIED – birth certificate with the names of the adopting parents on it CLAIMING THAT YOU IN FACT CONCIEVED AND GAVE BIRTH TO THIS CHILD.
For ANY adoptive parent to claim this is a LIE. For a husband and a wife – a heterosexual couple – to do this is horrendous, yet, this is what adoption really is. For GAY MEN or LESBIAN women to do this is disgusting.
To make a baby, we all know that it takes one egg and one sperm to create another human being. To proudly go around showing off the NEW birth certificate with TWO MOTHERS or TWO FATHERS, just tells the world how utterly ridiculous and illogical the matter really is.
When your little adopted child grows up (if you adopt an infant) or when your older adopted child learns the Birds and the Bees, he or she will come to you and ask, “Where is my mother?” (If you are two gay men) and “Where is my father?” (If you are two lesbians). Your adopted child will know there is something wrong in the logic behind preventing your acquired adoptee from ever knowing the truth.
Your names DO NOT belong on a Birth Certificate. Instead, tell the truth by insisting that the older child from foster care or the newborn retain her or his actual birth certificate and you and your married spouse will be named on an ADOPTION CERTIFICATE. Why? Because birth and adoption are two separate events.
NO adoptive parent should have the right to steal a child’s identity by means of adoption!
So, in addition to what Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has stated in her article, please take heed: Guardianship keeps the infant and older child’s actual birth certificate intact and NO false birth certificate is created by the state government.
Don’t like what I am saying? 7 to 10 million adoptees have NO CHOICE in suffering permanent identity theft imposed upon us by state laws that replace our actual identities with fake ones – just because SOMEONE – GAY or STRAIGHT – wants a child.
Until we recognize this not-disclosed fact about adoption, and until we make it a part of ALL adoptions to NEVER confiscate an infant’s or older child’s actual and factual birth certificate and NEVER replace it with one that legally states false facts presented as true, then adoption will provide a home for a child in need while respecting that child’s true identity. That is what Guradianship does now, but no one promotes it because Adoption is big business.
Think about the civil and human rights of the infant or older child YOU want and think about how YOU fought for YOUR rights. Who is going to fight for the rights of your tiny adoptee? People like me, that’s who!
I was born Doris Michol Sippel in 1956, but New York State stole my identity and forced me into a type of witness protection program. I have known my name at birth for 41 years now – and I have my certified birth certificate and adoption papers (my adoptive parents gave them to me) but I do not have the legal right to own my own birth certificate. Instead, New York State insists that I must be hidden away and re-born by adoption. There is no shame in my birth as I as born within a ten year marriage and my mother died when I was three months old.
So, please, THINK before you act upon your desires to take someone else’s child as your own. Jun 29, 2015 4:24pm
So I replied on June 30 2015
Joan Mary Wheeler She said… ‘When an older child is adopted out of foster care (or in any other adoption) the child’s name is changed. … but then, because of adoption, is now, POOF, a brand new person with a new first and middle and last name.’
I adopted, with 2nd husband, my son, age 16, he HAD TO GIVE HIS PERMISSION, by NY state law, to be adopted. My daughter, age 15, choose NOT to be adopted. Yes, my son’s name and parentage was changed, but that was HIS CHOICE and my and my husband’s business.
I was told, by a person who hates all things adoption, that I was HARMING my child. I was called unfit. My parental rights were violated, behind my back, as my children were told NOT TO LISTEN TO ME, by this person. When I forbid that person to have contact with my children I had false child abuse reports upon myself/husband, TWICE.
She also said… ‘Guardianship keeps the infant and older child’s actual birth certificate intact and NO false birth certificate is created by the state government.’
Guardianship doesn’t always work…adoption does.
Finally she says… ‘the hell I have lived for the past 41 years speaking out about this very injustice of renaming, I have felt the shame and degradation that is because of being adopted.’
Sounds like a lot of self-induced and self-inflicted….self-flagellation.
Then I saw from M C B…
Joan Mary Wheeler, thank god there is no shame in your birth like us bastards
Joan Mary Wheeler replied…
M C B While at first glance there is no shame, the hell I have lived for the past 41 years speaking out about this very injustice of renaming, I have felt the shame and degradation that is because of being adopted. I have been told, by adopted family and natural family, that I “live in the past” and that I “must get over it” and that I need to “stop being obsessed with adoption.” All the pitfalls of being a bastard are bestowed upon me because I am an outspoken adoptee pointing out the flaws and social injustice in the institution of adoption. June 30, 2015
M C B replied…
when you say there is no shame in your birth as you as born within a ten year marriage, you infer that there is shame born outside of marriage. I refuse to feel shame for being born. You are talking to someone who doesn’t know if they were named. You have your OBC, you know your name, and you can research your genetic history. June 30, 2015
To which Joan replied
M C B I meant no harm. I know that the laws that bind our birth certificates were created to hide illegitimacy and others want to make adopteess feel shame. … I meant that I am treated with shame becasue I am adotped. I was found by siblings I never knew I had. It was a bitter-west reunion, and very complicated. My adoptive motehr threw my birth certifcate at me in a fit of anger at my reunion as she never watned me to know the truth as she was afraid I would leave her. I was picked on, shunned, by both families. Yes, I can trace my family tree and I do have some close relatives on both families, but the mentality of most of my relatives was that I was wrong to accept a phone call from siblings I was never suppsoed to know. It really speaks to adoption mythology. And I fight for the freedom of all adoptees. I wish you all the best.
It looks like Joan was beginning to come apart at the seams so I replied….
Joan Mary Wheeler Not all adoptees are ‘made to feel shame’. My son’s adoption was NOT shameful! Now was it? Certainly your birth family, when reunited with you, did NOT treat you in that way, ever! The reunion was NOT complicated until your own behaviors made relationships ‘complicated’. Your relationship with your adoptive family has nothing to do with the birth family. Please stop! Let it go!
And Ruth replied… Gert Mcqueen she won’t ever let it go because she is pissed that she was adopted out and we weren’t. And now we must be punished for that and for setting limits in our lives. To not be lied to, stolen from, manipulated into arguements. After money was stolen from a joint checking account that I had with her to buy real estate, money that she used for HER living expenses, because I made more $$$ than her and her husband I told her to leave my life. that was when the 25 years of harassment from her began.
I have had a career for 43 years and my paycheck is mine to spend on what I want – but she wants to pass judgment on what I buy. This is why our reunion failed and she was shunned – she was shunned because of her incessant troublemaking and lying about people. And stealing.
If I’ve proven her point that adoption is a bad thing, I don’t care – I want her to stop slandering me. And she did it to someone else recently – Joyce Bahr and using the very same phrases she says about me – that we “are deeply affected” by – whatever – and we “won’t admit it.” –
She is a chronically unemployed person with a social work degree, but has never worked as a social worker, let alone a psychologist or psychiatrist – but can pass judgments on me and Joyce and others.
Until Joan accepts the life that has been given her she shall never be happy. She is not fighting for anyone’s rights, she is pissed off because she’s adopted. Get a life!
UPDATE January 2016; as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ yet again, her ‘story’, NOW called ‘duped by adoption’. There is NOTHING in it for adoption reform, for she is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…